Postings from September 1-30, 2005

Dear happy shrink,

My thoughts and prayers are with all you at this time. I don't know if you can post this or not but I gotta get it out .I was raped in a mental facility here it was about 6 years ago there was another woman raped the night before. She got a card from the psychiatrist for an attorney. He was appalled.  Every Psych doctor in this city refused to treat us after that. The psychiatrist that we had, became ill with cancer and I never heard anymore after that he was gone. I was lucky to finally find one to treat me that wasn't affiliated with that hospital. The other girl ran off. This thing went on for three years. 

Then when it came to get ready to go to court I asked to see her twice a week. I offered to pay her full price for the sessions because I was so torn up. I was living in a domestic violence situation and the guy pushed me down on the bed and held me there all night long and threatened more if I did not settle. I also have 4 kids who were screaming Mom you aren't going to make it. I don't know if the other girl made it to court or not . I was really shook up when I walked into my attorney's office to settle. I was to afraid to say what happened. I was afraid all along as I thought that the whole thing was evil. I could say a lot more on this but won't so that I don't scare anyone. 

Sir I hardly ever leave my home I'm just scared to death. When they released the thing that did that to us I just felt I couldn't hold any longer. I made a very real attempt on my life. They found me in time and revived me but i ended up in ICU for 13 days with ARDS adult repertory syndrome most adults don't pull thru but I did. As soon as i could speak they let let one of those same doctors that treated me that way come in and he said you will have to hospitalized and I said in that place where I was raped and he said oh no we are going to do everything in our power to protect ourselves from you and the other hospital doesn't want you either. I had just pulled thru all that to awaken to more of it. I was so shook up I just prayed to to God to give me the strength to get out of there. I did not tell anyone what he said. I was just to scared I could hardly move sit up or walk but I did to get out of there. After I got home it took me almost three weeks to walk right. I don't understand what I did to those people. I stay depressed most of the time. I am afraid to even try to change therapists for fear that they will do that to me again refuse me somehow. I wish I could do better but I'm not. Thank you for reading this just getting it out really helps. The only help I'm going to get is from the Internet I guess. Its just a fairly small town. 

J**

Dear J**,

You are NOT the problem. The system is. You didn't ask to be raped. You didn't ask to be afflicted with mental illness either. You did not ask to be in an abusive relationship. None of these things are your fault, but only you can do something about it. First and foremost, you need to get yourself and your kids into a safe environment. As long as there is an abusive person in your life, you won't be able to fix the other things. Even though you live in a small town, there must be a domestic violence hotline or safe haven in your area. I urge you to find out about these resources.

Another important resource is the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. They are a consumer driven organization that represents the rights of Mentally Ill individuals. There are chapters throughout the United States and one near enough to you to contact and seek help. Their interest is not hospital liability or practitioner liability. I am sure that there are members who have gone through what you have and they can be a tremendous support system as well as a resource for referrals. I urge you to contact them and find out if there are any support groups in your area.

You have been through a lot J**. Sadly, your story is one I have heard too many times before. Don't let yourself remain a victim. You can recover from all that has happened to you. Get the help you need. Please feel free to write me again. I hope your letter can help others who have been victimized as well. Good luck.

happy(andhopeful)shrink

Dear Happyshrink,

A friend of mine suffers from depression, anxiety, panic and agoraphobia.  He was institutionalized for 5 days last year after he abruptly stopped taking one of his meds..  After that incident he went to therapy.  I thought he was going to therapy for quite a while until he one day told me that he wasn't and he hadn't for some time.  He cannot go to restaurants, theaters etc.  The only time I saw him was either in my office or his office.  He would not allow me in his car but he would allow practical strangers in his car.  It was like it was too intimate to have me in the car with him.  He seemed to be able to communicate with people at work but once he got home, he said that he just shut down.  He lives with his parents but doesn't talk to them that much.  He use to call me 2 or 3 times a day but that stopped.  He got to where he would only communicate via email or text message (sometimes he would text me up to 16 times a day).  He would never call me at home.  He told me once that it was hard for him to become personal with anyone.  He told me recently that he felt like he was going down a hole and didn't know what to do about it.  Three weeks ago he emailed me and told me that he wanted to end the friendship.  I respect his wishes but I feel bad that I couldn't do more.  I was willing to be his support person but how do you help a person who doesn't seem to want help?

B

Dear B,

You can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped. You might want to send him a final email stating that you are concerned about his well being and urge him to get some professional help, and you might even want to send a letter to his parents raising your concerns about him so they may try to use their influence. Beyond that, there is nothing else you can really do. His parents can contact his psychiatrist if they believe he is a danger to himself or others. If he is not in that category, his behavior may be unhealthy, but it doesn't rise to the level of involuntary commitment. There are many people like your friend that suffer and refuse help. It is painful for friends and family to see this happen but it is also the right of the individual to make their own choices. Respect your friends right as long as he's not in danger of hurting himself or others. Please feel free to write me again on this issue.

happy(leadinghorsestowater)shrink

Dear Happyshrink,

I want to implore you to speak with JeWitch.  She is ruining her friend Edna's life!  Did you know that Bubba is in the hospital now?  Let me tell you what happened.  I was out mowing the lawn underneath JeWitch's kitchen window and heard her and Edna talking about some hang glider thing last week.  JeWitch was really hot on the idea, telling Edna that she shouldn't worry about Bubba trying it and that everything would be fine and that Bubba was just going through his mid life crisis and needed a new toy and blah blah blah.  Then I had to go in to make Gilbert his olive-loaf and cheese-whiz on rye so I really didn't get a chance to hear the rest, not that I'm that nosy anyway, mind you. 

Yesterday, I just happened to be looking out of my porthole on the top of my roof that is aligned with her kitchen and I saw her waving her arms around (as usual) and talking on the phone.  Well, I knew immediately it was time to take out the recycling.  As I was walking to the curb, I just happened to go through the hedge and over the rocks and passed right underneath her window.  I heard her yelling that it wasn't HER fault that Bubba was in the hospital!  HOSPITAL??  I dropped the recycling...guess it would take me a few minutes to pick it up.  Well, apparently, Bubba got his hang glider and took it out to the building that they're putting up near the Circle K.  It's got one of those radio tower things on it.  So he climbed that, too.  Then he hooked in and took off.  He was soaring around pretty good when Edna heard her neighbors start to scream about a huge bird in the sky and then something about a shot-gun.  Edna heard a couple of blasts and one of them yelled, "The damn bird got away but at least it let go of Bubba!" 

JeWitch needs to steer those people in the direction of something closer to a tricycle.  The Circle K is no place for anything that's airborne, wouldn't you agree?  Thank you.

Sincerely,

Mildred Thigpen 

Hello Happy Shrink,

What would you do if you couldn't get over something?  I saw a social worker for 3 months and he abruptly terminated by telephone in April.  I had sent him an angry letter about his inconsistent behavior. He had severe mood swings so I used to pray he was in a good mood on my way there.  When he was in a weird mood, if I cried about some past event, he would just smirk and not say anything.  If I cried like that in a session where he was in a good mood, he would say, "awww" and tell me to get a Kleenex.  He also used to have welled-up tears in his eyes during most of the sessions and I never asked him about it.  I made a joke once and he laughed heartily but coughed to stop himself and went to read his appt book right away.  These are some of the incidents that occurred and it still bothers and puzzles me. 

When I am feeling low ( like this month) I start thinking about him again.  Do you think I should call him? After all this time, do you think he would be compassionate and help me resolve the termination?  I have social anxiety disorder and low self-esteem.  It sure is taking a long time to get over and I now see a female worker somewhere else.

Thanks,

Confused Carol

Dear Confused Carol,

Perhaps in some way, the male therapist you saw did you a big favor. Rather than think about what he did in terms of abandonment, think about the fact that he was clearly impaired and not in a position to help others. As a psychotherapist, I don't necessarily have to have all my own personal issues resolved, but I do need to be able to put them aside when I am treating a patient. Your ex-therapist was unable to do this and as such was doing a disservice to you and all his patients. I don't know what he is doing now, but I would hope he realized that he needed to stop treating people until such time that he could work out his own problems.

You have taken the first step in getting over this bad experience. You have begun to see another therapist who will hopefully help you to put your unfortunate experience in prospective. While it may seem like a long time to get over this abandonment, I am sure that it is connected to your self-esteem issues. As far as contacting this man and telling him how he made you feel may or may not bring closure to this issue. I can't tell you how he might respond even though it would be my hope that he would be remorseful. What might be a good therapeutic exercise for you is to write a letter that you can read to your current therapist. It will help you to express your feelings with someone who will be empathetic and understanding. Whether or not you choose to send the letter is something you can talk to your therapist about. 

I have just one last thought Confused Carol and I must admit that it is a bit defensive. Therapists, like parents and other significant people in our lives are not perfect or even close to perfect. We have our own baggage to deal with as well as our own personal crises. While good therapists try their best to not let their own baggage get in the way, it happens. I don't know the man you saw but he may have been a good therapist who's personal life got in the way. While I acknowledge the harm that he caused you and the other patients he saw, I do feel sorry for him too. Helping people is a noble endeavor. Sometimes it can take its' toll on caregivers. I hope your ex-therapist is getting the care he needs so he can pick up the pieces of his own life. Please feel free to write me again. Good luck with your own healing.

happy(andonlyhuman)shrink  

Hi Happyshrink

I have a couple of questions for you. First my mother is bi-polar. She has been since her late teens or early twenties. It is very well controlled with medication. My sister and I have been lucky not to have inherited this disease. My question is, are my daughter and niece at risk?

Also, my mothers' M.D. prescribed Sudafed for chronic sinus congestion. He's
prescribed things in the past that should not be taken with her meds( Lithium and Depakote). The Pharmacist said she could take it while her Psychiatrist said no,
it would make her too jumpy and nervous. I know that the Acetaminophen would be ok but would the Pseudoephedrine interfere with her meds?
Your help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

K

P.S. My daughter is 9 and my niece is 19 and is very moody and has been most of the time since about the age of 14. She not like this so much around her friends though. I wondered if this could be typical teenage behavior or maybe leading to something more serious. My daughter is just the opposite, very happy go lucky, never moody although can have a bad temper at times. (The later maybe due to her fathers' passing when she was 5)

Dear K,

There is a hereditary component to bipolar disorders. Your daughter and niece have about twice the likelihood of developing a mood disorder than the average person, however the percentage is still fairly low. The onset of bipolar disorders most commonly occur in one's late teens or early twenties (however it can occur at any time during one's life). I think it is good to be conscious of your daughter's and niece's behaviors. What you have described in your niece can be very typically adolescent "attitude." Symptoms of bipolar disorder or any mood disorder for that matter would consist of behaviors that show poor judgment, recklessness, truancy from school, lack of energy or too much energy. If your daughter or niece start exhibiting these behaviors, you might want them to be evaluated. Right now though, it doesn't sound to me like there is something to be concerned about.

As far as your mother taking Sudafed K, I would side with her psychiatrist. While I don't believe that there is a poly-pharmacy issue (that means that her Lithium and Depakote may not chemically interact adversely with Sudafed), your mother's psychiatrist's concern about the side effects of Sudafed is very valid. It can cause nervousness and that could potential trigger a manic episode. I am not a medical doctor so I wouldn't want to recommend alternatives to Sudafed, but perhaps your mother's psychiatrist can speak with her medical doctor and offer some alternatives. Please let me know what he recommends so I can share that information on the web page. Good luck.

happy(andlivingwithtwomoodyteenagers)shrink 

Dear Happyshrink,

What is obsessive compulsive personality disorder and how is it treated?

H

Dear H,

Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder OCPD needs to be delineated from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or OCD. OCD is an Axis I disorder where a person has repetitive rituals such as hand washing, compulsive need for organizing objects, phobias about things such as stepping on cracks on the sidewalk, fear of being touched or compulsion to touch things. The TV show "Monk" give a textbook portrayal of someone suffering from OCD. Treatment of this condition is psychotherapy and medication. The drug Luvox is often prescribed for OCD. It can help but rarely cures.

OCPD is an Axis II Personality Disorder. It is marked by having very rigid values and can also include ritualized behavior. People who suffer from OCPD often have very strong beliefs about nutrition, health care, being on time, being meticulous in their activities. They tend to be overly critical and unforgiving in their view of what they believe to be acceptable behavior. While OCD and OCPD can appear similar, people who have OCPD may not have the kinds of bizarre rituals that people with OCD have. Their argument for why they feel the way they do is often compelling and rational but done to an extreme. Treatment for OCPD is usually behavioral therapies. 

In both cases of OCD and OCPD, learning how to cope with the condition is more realistic than being cured. People who suffer from OCPD usually find professions that support their idiosyncratic behavior. They make good bookkeeper, accountants, librarians, etc. They may have few friends, or end up losing friends easily, but they usually are able to function better than people who suffer from OCD who's behaviors are often more severe and debilitating. I hope that I have answered your question H. Please feel free to respond or ask another question. 

(compulsively)happyshrink

Dear JeWitch,

I am very pleased that Alexa is hanging out with construction workers. We can only hope that this will reduce the amount if cuss words she learns from hanging out with you. I know for a fact that you can even make those construction workers blush.

happy(andblushing)shrink