Letters January 1 -31, 2004

I have an 18 year old son that is having trouble dealing with the loss of his father. It was 8 weeks ago. He had a massive heart attack and he was 50. My problem is that our insurance from the union was canceled when my husband died because he was only 50. Any suggestions. I am 48 on disability due to MS. I need some help for him.

Mrs. F*****

Dear Mrs. F*****

If your son is in school, he should be eligible for either Medicaid or a state subsidized insurance program. Most states have such programs for dependent children under 18 and from 18-22 while they are in college. There are probably family service agencies in your area that may assist you with entitlements. Your son may also be eligible for Social Security Benefits while he is in school. The Multiple Sclerosis Society Chapter in your area may also be a resource that you can contact. They often work with families as well as patients. If there is a human services professional or an agency working with you and your condition, they may be of assistance too. Other resources might be your family doctor, clergy, or the school that your son goes to.

While I can understand the concern you have for your son, I am sure that your husband's untimely death has also left you with some unresolved issues. You plate seems awfully full and I would bet that you could use some counseling as well. There is help out there for you and your son Mrs. F*****. You need to make some phone calls and find out what's available. Good luck and let me know what you find out.

happy(alwayswithafullplate)shrink

I'm a people person. However, I am easily misread by most all. I smile a lot and try to make people laugh, but most cases people are nasty to me, and I don't know why. Last night at work, I felt so belittled. Because one of the girls I work with reported me to my supervisor. I really didn't do anything wrong. I work at a Casino, I'm a security officer. Well, being Friday there were a lot of people. Each slot machine has a number to ID. I wrote 2 numbers down on a piece of paper so I wouldn't forget what they are. Then found a slot attendant to let her know that there are 2 people needing help. She reported me to my supervisor. She said that was very annoying making a list. But I thought I was helping so I wouldn't forget the numbers. It's not just that, all I have to do is look at people, and yes I'm always smiling, but they are very nasty to me, for no reason. I feel so small. This has been all my life. Now that I'm much older, it really bothers me. I'm actually believing that there's something wrong with me. All I have to do is just stand there and smile at people, and they're nasty to me. I don't understand it. Thank you.

I don't know why people would be nasty to you for smiling. While there are some people who are so miserable, that they will lash out at anyone who smiles or acts in a kind way, that is certainly not the way most people react. If there has been a consistent pattern in your life of people treating you poorly, it's time to look at what messages people are getting from you that would make them so nasty.

There are a few ways of finding out T*****. I think the most effective way is to seek professional counseling so that you can gain insight into your own behavior. That's what I would recommend as the best way to understand your problem. Another thing you can do in addition (not necessarily as an alternative) is get feedback from your friends and loved ones about what they might notice about you that turns people off. Sometimes your friends will not tell you things for fear of hurting your feelings, but if you ask them in a way that encourages them to be honest and forthright, you may find out some things about yourself.

Both suggestions I have given you involve risk and I can understand that you might be reluctant to do either. But without making some effort to understand yourself better, you may continue to smile at the world and have the world glare back at you. Get the help you need T***** and start smiling on the inside as well as the outside. Let me know what happens.

Dear JeWitch,

If you think about the surface of the moon and the topography of the Circle K Trailer Park, Lurlene might just be on to something. Aren't there about 5 residents in the park that claim to have been victims of alien abduction? The moon might be a lot closer to Edna and Lurlene than you think. In any event, I'm glad I can see the moon and not see the trailer park from my vantage point in New Jersey. I would just bet you would say the same think from where you live.

happy(onecolonoscopybutnoanalprobes)shrink

Thanks for taking time to look at this question: I've developed a frequent twitch around my left eye and it's beginning to bother me. It's come and gone before, but it's been a daily thing for about two months now. I've had some big changes in my life and can attribute it to stress, but I don't know how to get it to go away! Can you suggest anything?

The first thing I would do is have your family physician check to see if there are any medical reasons for your twitch. Your physician may even have you seen by a specialist. If all medical testing is negative, I would have your doctor refer you to a psychiatrist. You could have an anxiety disorder and treatment could involve medication and/or psychotherapy. It may very well be an anxiety disorder but first, get yourself checked out physically. Good luck and let me know what happens.

Early this month Edna got a transfer from her WalMart store to one in Colorado. BELIEVE IT OR NOT .. they were going to use Edna to train other WalMart store greeters ... Apparently Edna's boss in Orlando recommended her for the job of "greeter trainer." .. He learned about this position from his soon-to-be-ex-wife who is the Supervisor of the WalMart Training Division in Colorado. Guess the pending divorce is why he is here and she is there ... anyway. Her first day on the job it was snowing really hard and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when that dope [Edna] got off work.. She made her way to her car and didn't know how she was gonna to make it back to the motel where she was staying during her probation period.

She sat in her car while letting it warm up thinking about driving to the motel in a blizzard. Somehow it dawned on her to call me on her cell phone and she said "what should I do?" [I lived about 10 years in Colorado you know.] I told her "wait until you see a snow plow and follow it. That way you won't get stuck in a snow drift." Pretty soon she said .. "here comes one now, gotta go."

As she followed the snow plow, she was feeling so proud of herself and she called her new boss to brag about how a woman from Florida, who has NEVER seen snow or driven in it was NOT going to have any problem at all getting back to the motel in blizzard conditions. She was still talking to her ex-boss's-soon-to-be-ex-wife when she said, "hold on a second." The snow plow had stopped, the driver got out and came back to her car, signaled her to roll down her window.

The snow plow driver asked if she was all right, because he noticed her following him for a long time. She said that she was fine and told him she had never driven in snow before, but she thought it would be a good idea to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard. The driver said that it was OK with him, she could continue following him as long as she wanted to ..but when he got finished with the WalMart parking lot, he would be going across the street to K-Mart's.

Edna's boss heard the whole conversation and said, "I want to speak to you in person Edna - please come to my office before you clock in tomorrow morning. " .. I don't know what all was said but .. she is back here in Florida at her old job .. AND there is a new store manager here in Orlando..

JeWitch

I'm glad she's back in Orlando. Orlando wouldn't be the same without Edna and Lord knows that no place else would be quite the same with her.

I have suffered from bipolar disorder for most of my adult life. Recently I heard a commercial on the radio asking for individuals with bipolar disorder to participate in the testing of a new drug. At first I didn't even consider it but then I began to think about the fact that the current medication I am on has not always worked that well for me. I would like to believe that there is something better out there that will keep me on a more even keel. Do you think it's worth while participating in this study. Could it be dangerous for me? How can I find out if the testing is from a reputable research group?

All drug company's must test a new medication and publish the results before they can be considered both safe and effective; and ultimately approved by the Food and Drug Administration. When drug companies conduct these tests they record data on a group of subjects who have received this new medication and also record data on another group of subjects that either receive a "sugar pill" or receive the same medication that they have been on. Test subjects are given medical exams and are monitored closely by research physicians. If there is a significant negative side effect, the physician may suspend the test subject from the study. Every effort is made to ensure safety, however there is always a risk involved.

Before getting involved with the testing of a new drug, I suggest you discuss it with your psychiatrist. Perhaps he/she can find out about the study and give you the pros and cons. Let me know what your psychiatrist thinks.

First, hope you don't mind that I CC: this to some friends .. You see .... I was looking at your webpage and read that you were waiting to hear some stories from Edna and me regarding how we spent the holiday or holidays. That's when I realized I hadn't wished anyone Merry or Happy ANYTHING ...

Not much happened on my side of the track ..... Edna's Christmas story will make your hair stand up ... yeah ... I'll write the New Years Eve story in this letter and I'll let Edna tell you about Christmas.. Besides, I don't celebrate ya know ....

I got a phone call from this ex-boyfriend of mine Robert....... yeah ... HE WAS SOOOO HOTTTTTT .... that was back in 1960 or 70 something .... ummmmm ... yeah .. it was the day before New Years Eve that he called me.

We talked so long.... I mean HOURS ... we totally lost track of the time ... We were chatting about the wild nights we used to have together. Like this one time when... oh, I can't tell that story here... Not in front of all these people ... Let's just say that I was pretty excited when he asked if I'd like to spend New Years Eve with him and "rekindle a little of THAT magic."

"Wow!" I said, [I was getting prepared to be honest for one of the first few times in my life.] "I don't know if I could keep up the pace with you now, Robert .... I'm a bit older and ya know, I am a Grandma now."

He chuckled and said he was sure I'd meet the challenge! Yeah, I said, just so long as you don't mind that my butt is a wee bit bigger than it was the last time you saw me... oh... and also, I have a few grey hairs, even though I pluck them out at the scalp !

He laughed and told me to stop being so silly! [He really was a great guy, I can't remember why we split up.] He even teased me, saying that he thought I was too skinny before... And those hairs that I think are grey, are probably really blonde... That florescent lights have a way of making blonde hair look grey sometimes. Just make them look grey. And then he said, "Well... to tell the truth.... I've put on a couple of pounds myself."

BY THE WAY ..... HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!! AND HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL YOU REGULAR NUT JOBS, whose wacky stories I read all the time at on Happy's website. I don't know how you make that stuff up .. but it is GREAT !! Keep up the good work.

I met a guy this year and very quickly, within the first week, we moved in together. He has kids, ex and those issues, I do not. I however have issues of my own too. We get his kids every other weekend and had them for Christmas also. We have each been stressed with life and work and we have been arguing it seems like, since we moved it together. Sometimes small stuff like laundry or housework, sometimes, big stuff, like the kids and the things we do that irritate each other.

Almost every time we argue he will ignore me not talk or even leave the apartment. He says it's his way of not saying anything he doesn't really mean or something hurtful. He doesn't understand that him not acknowledging me when I talk to him is more hurtful than any words could be. He says that I'm spoiled and I catch an attitude and pout every time we argue. I feel like we never resolve anything that is bothering us and we keep going in a circles. How do we get past the past and go on with us?

It was probably not the best idea to move in so quickly. It would have been better if you could have been gradually introduced to the kids and become part of their lives over a longer period of time. I would have prepared you for a radically different life style as well as enable the kids to adapt to another parent figure in their lives. Of course that's Monday morning quarterbacking and the only reason I'm mentioning it is for readers who might be about to enter a similar situation.

Your problems communicating with your partner is something that does need to be dealt with and you are right that his silence only serves to make things worse. It frustrates you and it doesn't address the problems you are having. I would strongly recommend couples counseling for the two of you. That would provide a forum work out your differences.

As far as getting past the past, I'm not sure that you ever do that. The past is still a part of your lives. His previous marriage and his kids are part of your present. Your life prior to living with your partner is also a factor in your present. It's not about getting past the past; it's about managing it. The question is, "Can you manage it and still have a fulfilling relationship?" Only you and your partner can answer that question. If answering that question takes couples counseling, then I would strongly recommend it. Good luck ME from Texas and let me know how you are managing.

I was out shoveling snow and just happened to spot a big pile of it by JeWitch's kitchen window, so I thought it would be neighborly of me to get that, too. Well, she was in there, cooking God-knows-what, but cooking, and the Dr. Phil show was on. You heard of him - he's a kind of shrink, too, I guess, although you're a lot funnier than he is, even when he thinks he's having a good day. So anyway, he was talking about "inner peace" and that we should finish what we start and then we'll truly have inner peace so....

I looked around the house to see all the things that I started and hadn't finished. I found a bottle of Merlot, White Zinfandel, Baily's, Kahlua, and a little bit of Andre Cold Duck, so I finished those. I also finished a package of Oreos, the remainder of both my Prozac and Valium prescriptions, the rest of a cheesecake, some saltines and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea of how freaking good I feel right now. I'm just sitting in Gilbert's chair and typing and watching TV. I really feel the inner peace within me. I'm going to go over to JeWitch's house later and thank her. That program was the best thing that has happened to me since Gilbert discovered KY jelly.Happy New Year,

I am so glad that you have found inner peace and that Gilbert's psoriasis is being helped by the KY jelly. I too decided to finish up all my prescription drugs but the 3 doses of Lomotil have not given the same type of inner peace that yours have given you. In fact I wish some of my inners were already outer. Happy New Year and here are some random thoughts and resolutions from our friend JeWitch.

"The optimist believes that thing can't get any worse...the pessimist knows that it can." (from the film "No Man's Land")

Postings from January 1-31, 2005