Postings from June 1 - 30, 2004

Date: June 26-27, 2004 

Dear cnot,

What do I think? No matter how much you ascribe to cognitive approaches to therapy and problem solving, never underestimate the power of psychodynamics. The American Psychiatric Glossary defines psychodynamics as: 

The systematized knowledge and theory of human behavior and its motivation, the study of which depends largely upon the functional significance of emotion. Psychodynamics recognizes the role of unconscious motivation in human behavior. The science of psychodynamics assumes that one's behavior is determined by past experience, genetic endowment, and
current reality. 

Good cognitive therapists use psycho-dynamic interventions and good psycho-dynamic therapists use cognitive interventions when the situations call for it.

Like many people who were abused (either physically, sexually or both), your anger toward your perpetrator became directed to yourself. You failed at an attempt at suicide and your family's reaction to it only made you more mistrusting of intimacy. How could anyone understand you if your family couldn't?

Yes, this insight could in fact be a life changing event. That doesn't mean that you will not struggle from time to time. But this understanding of the psychodynamics of your early childhood abuse is extremely significant.

Psychotherapy, no matter what approach, is never what it looks like in the movies or on TV. As you know and have experienced, it is mostly "Grunt Work". But every now and then something like this can happen. Don't discount the "Grunt Work" though. It is what got you to the point where you were ready to open up and it will still be necessary for you to move forward. 

Good job cnot!

happy((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))shrink

Dear Happyshrink,

Hi... I live in Santa Rosa, CA and would so value a name and number or recommendation of someone in my area, a professional, a facilitator, a laughter psychologist, someone who can help me laugh, laugh, laugh...laugh...laugh, maybe until I cry. Please let me know-

Thank You,

J

Dear J,

Hi... I live in New Jersey (New York City metropolitan area) and have never been to Santa Rosa, CA. I'm sure that there are plenty of mental health professionals in Santa Rosa that use humor as a vehicle just like just like there are in the New York metropolitan area. Unfortunately, I don't know any. The person I remember laughing so hard that he began to cry was Lou Costello. Abbott and Costello movies always make me laugh. If you can't find a good "humor" therapist, why not watch an Abbott and Costello movie. 

happy(who'sonfirst)shrink

Sell it on eBay.

Soften it up in the microwave and eat it..

Dear Edna,

If Mary starts looking a little green, you might want to just toss it.

happy(I'llbid50¢)shrink

Date: June 19-20, 2004 

HAPPY FATHERS DAY TO ALL YOU DADS!

Dear Happyshrink,

I feel a serious need for counseling. My life is so out of control and always has been. I also suffer from major depression. I cant afford counseling much less every day necessities and bills. I want help so bad but don't know where or how to get it. Please help!

DS

Dear DS,

I'd bet if you had a toothache you would find a way to see a dentist even if you "couldn't" afford it. Actually, you can't afford not to get the help you need of your life is so out of control. It will only get worse and harder to fix the longer you wait.

There are Mental Health Clinics that charge on a sliding scale and will take into account other financial obligations. If you have medical insurance at work, there is often coverage for mental health treatment and if you are not covered at work, many states have special coverage plans for working people without insurance. If you are not working or disabled, you should be eligible for Medicaid and if you are over 62, you would be eligible for Medicare. There are also support groups in many communities for people suffering from depression. Many of them are free or with a very nominal charge.

My advice to you is contact your local community center and/or family service agency for a list of resources. There is help out there and it is not as difficult to find if you are willing to make the commitment. Nobody will do it for you DS. Get the help you need now. Good luck and let me know what you come up with.

happy(topointtheyway)shrink

Dear Happyshrink,

I am afraid of my own shadow. It follows me everywhere and it won't go away, except for at night. But then, whenever I go under a streetlamp, there it is again. When I see it now, I become very sweaty and my heart races. Please help me. I don't know how this started. I didn't used to be like this. Please help me.

Tom C.

Dear Tom,

Did it ever occur to you that your shadow is your friend? Is it possible that he follows you everywhere just to make sure you are all right? Has your shadow ever harmed you? Has he ever deceived you or been unreliable? When it comes right down to it Tom, your shadow is the best friend you have. He's even there in the dark. He's just laying low to make sure that the gnomes aren't going to steal your underwear at night. as soon as you turn on the light, he's right there for you. How many friends do you have that you can say that about.

Learn to love your shadow Tom. Friends and even relatives may come and go but your shadow is there for a lifetime. He's even there when you are "all alone and feelin' blue." Be good to him Tom. He'll be good to you.

happy(strollingdowntheAvenue)shrink

Date: June 5-6, 2004

Dear Happy,

How do I go about getting a therapist who specializes in a certain area? I have been trying to talk about some very specific things with my psychiatrist and it isn't working out well at all. He does not want to talk about anything except medication. I'm not sure if I really need to see him any more because I'm not taking anything right now but he still wants me to check in with him once a month. I try to talk to him about the things that are bothering me but he doesn't understand and doesn't really respond.

I have to talk to someone about some very upsetting things that happened to me in high school. I don't think that it is anything horrible, but it was upsetting at the time and I feel like it's interfering with my life currently. What happened was a kind of hazing when I was a freshman. I had to stand up in the middle of a class and say some really stupid things or I wouldn't make the girls volleyball team. I wound up getting detention for a week, my parents got called into the school because it was so disruptive and then I couldn't tell anyone that I had done it to get onto the team because then I would have been cut. 

As it was, after everything was over I got cut anyway. I tried to tell the teacher that I had the class where it happened but he didn't believe me. He said that I was just mad about not making the team and ignored me. I tried to tell my parents and then I tried to tell the vice principal but nothing would work.

To make a long story short, I went all through high school not having many friends because I was labeled a "snitch" and no one would talk to me. I never got on the volleyball team and no one did anything about the incident. I wound up gaining about 65 lbs and by my senior year I was a social outcast. 

I have since not only gone to college but have a PhD in biochemistry and a great job. I do not have friends, however, and certainly no love life. I am still that overweight senior looking for revenge and maybe some justice. Who should I talk to? Everyone specializes in something. How to pick? Hmmmm......I hope that you have some ideas and maybe some feedback on my letter. Thank you.

Volleychick (I wish..)

Dear Volleychick,

I can certainly understand how this unfortunate high school occurrence has shaped your current life and you do need some help in dealing with it. You have managed to do a lot of good things with your life despite this awful experience and you need to remind yourself of that fact. You have a good professional career and that also tells me that you are respected by your colleagues even if they aren't you friends. You do need people in your life and need to overcome the fear that other people will reject you like the ones in high school did. While that may happen from time to time, it sounds like you have a lot to offer people in friendship and there are a lot of good people out their who can appreciate it.

My first suggestion is to dump the psychiatrist. Psychiatrists who don't want to talk to you about anything but medication and don't refer you to a psychotherapist are pretty worthless in my book. Perhaps he's a good psychiatrist for his other patients but he's clearly not helping you.

I would bet anything that the company you work for has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP). I would suggest you contact the EAP for a consultation. While EAP's work differently, most will allow you to come in for several sessions to evaluate your condition (usually the charges are picked up entirely by your company). They will then refer you to one or more mental health professionals who they believe can help you. They usually maintain a list of professionals who are part of your health insurance coverage and will refer you to someone whose fees are reimbursed by your insurance (less a co-pay). That would be the easiest way for you to find someone who can help you. 

Other than that Volleychick, I would try to get involved in some hobbies or activities that give you the opportunity for meeting people. There are probably some adult education programs in your area that have a variety of classes and even some good physical activities (maybe even volleyball). Find something that you would like to do that will help you meet people. No one is going to knock on your door Volleychick. A therapist may help you overcome your past trauma but you still have to take the right steps in your life to make friends and feel good about yourself. Do it now Volleychick. You deserve it. Please feel free to write me again.

happy(justmadefriendswithmydoggie)shrink

Hi Happyshrink, 

I am a 17 yr old male who and have been using words in my head for four years. The reason why I started this was to improve my academic and sports results as well as my social life. Some of these words include work, concentrate, positive and confident. I repeat these words in my mind constantly throughout the day. Whenever I change words it changes the way I act, and I have been using them for so long now trying to find the "best" word that I have lost a sense of who I am as a person. I have tried to get rid of them and just clear my head, but they always come back. I just want to be myself again. Is this common? What should I do? Thank you.

SM

Dear SM

Many people use "affirmations" as way of staying focused, reinforcing positive behavior and enhancing one's self worth. It can be very effective as you no doubt can attest. As you can also attest, it can lead to obsessive compulsive thinking as well. Any good thing overdone is not good; even positive affirmations. It sounds to me like you are an extremely driven individual and while it is good to be ambitious and have goals to shoot for, it's equally important to smell the roses along the way. 

Recently, (my wife let the cat out of the bag) I celebrated a birthday. One of the cards I received had a very interesting message. It said, "Enjoy life; this is not a rehearsal." Perhaps you can use that as an affirmation when the other words start creeping into your head. For me, nothing says more about who people are than how they enjoy themselves. Start enjoying life SM and the right words will still be there for you when you need them. Good luck and let me know how you are doing.

happy(thiswebsiteisunrehearsedbutofteneditedforspelling)shrink

Dear JeWitch,

What the hell is wrong with Edna? Doesn't she realize that you need to have matching thongs for your feet? Jeeeze.

happy(alwayswellmatched)shrink

And now a joke compliments of Judi Blueye:

A man is stranded on a desert island for 10 years, when one day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit.

Man: "Hi! I am so happy to see you."

Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

Man: "It's been 10 years!"

With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man a cigarette.

Man: "Thank you so much!"

Girl: "So tell me how long has it been since you had a drink?"

Man: "It's been 10 years!"

The girl unzips another pocket on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink.

Man: "Thank you so much. You are like a miracle!" 

Girl (starting to unzip the front of her wet suit): "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?"

Man: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs

in there, too...!"

Happy has got to go and do some puppy sitting. He will be away next week so He'll be posting in two weeks!

Date: June 2, 2004

This is a SNEAK posting.  Just wanted to say...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPYSHRINK!!!

(From some anonymous person)