Postings from May 1-31, 2004
Date: May 29-30, 2004
No Questions and Answers this week. Happyshrink and WindNWillows are parents of a brand new baby boy. Here is a picture of Osan (on the left with his brother Saijon) Happy thinks that Osan looks a lot like his side of the family. What do you think?
Date: May 22-23, 2004
Dear Happyshrink, I'm a 16 year old male and I may have the worse life possible, but that's besides the point. I have been prescribed Seroquel for manic depression I took it for a very long time but when we ran out of samplers I had a bad headache and got back to normal. Now my mother told me that if could live at home I would have to take that so I have been taking it. But once I got back to being me, I enjoyed the confidence the greatness of my life again and I dread going back to that shy quite sad person that I am on the pill, I have a very complicated life. You have no idea, think of the worst case; then times it by like one thousand; then think its worse. Well maybe me wallowing in self pity is narcissistic but that's something else too. So I have to get back on the pill but I want to know your opinion of the pill, I really did hate myself on the pill. I hated everything, Sure I'm a very outgoing person and I talk a lot but its not like I want to kill people, and I have never really been depressed, I have never tried to kill myself and frankly, I'm in love with myself, so I really don't have lows, besides having the worse life ever. Its dealable when I am me, but when I am on that pill I can't handle I just can't and they want to put me back on it in spite of how horrible it makes me feel. JM Dear JM, Since you haven't shared with me much about your situation, I can only comment on what you have shared. Being 16 years old and suffering from manic-depression (aka bipolar disorder) is no picnic and I can understand how it makes life very hard to cope with. Since you also called yourself a narcissist, I will tell you that narcissists see things in absolute terms. Your depiction of your life being a thousand times worse than anyone else is something that a narcissist would often say but it is probably an exaggeration. I'm not suggesting that you don't have a tough life. I'm sure you do. But I don't know too many 16 year olds that view life as a picnic. Add to that a significant mental health disorder and your life certainly must be very challenging and difficult. Putting you on Seroquel for bipolar disorder is possibly the least debilitating medication you could be on. I don't know what your dosage is but I would guess you take it at night to help you to sleep better. Such dosages can be 100mg or less per day. Headaches and even depression can be a short term reaction to this medication while your body adjusts to it. It can also persist for longer periods of time. I would suggest that you continue to take it and report to your psychiatrist any symptoms you feel the medication is causing you such as depression, headaches, etc. Lastly JM, I just want to address the issue of how your bipolar disorder may manifest itself. While you can read about different symptoms and even different variations of the disorder (DSM-IV lists about 7 I think) each person who suffers from the disorder is unique. The ways you manifest your "highs" and "lows" are different and particular to you. What is important and common to all sufferers of bipolar disorder is that should: 1-Be in the care of a psychiatrist 2-Take the medications they are prescribed and as prescribed. 3-See their psychiatrist at least once a month and report all symptoms behaviors and other occurrences during the previous month. Other things are optional but could be very helpful are: 1- Counseling or Psychotherapy 2- Support groups 3- Nutritional counseling Please feel free to write me again. I hope my information was helpful to you. happy(lifewasathousandtimesworsewhenIwassixteen)shrink
Hey Happy, Methos here. I know it's been along time since I have written, however I have been extremely busy with 15 credit hrs of school, a full time job, and part time job. This semester has really rocked my world, as far as emotional ups and downs, but you know what, I got through it, and now I am 2 classes away from a bachelors. My therapist and husband sigh a HUGE sigh of relief, and have asked me never to take this much on at once again. I suppose I won't, but who knows. With this semester over, I am now working my way through the GRE help books so that I can try and make a good score later this summer. I have still not decided if I want to go into a masters program first, or head straight for the PhD. What do you think Happy? I know I definitely want the PhD, but should I go through the masters so that I can get thesis experience, or do you think the PhD program will prepare me for all of that. This is a big cross roads for me, and I want to make good choices for myself. I am working very hard at stepping back and taking a look at things before I leap. At
the end of all of this I will be a Counseling Psychologist, and wow, what
a road it has been and will be. I am so very grateful that I am
finally able to focus on something, since most of my life has been so
foggy and unhealthy. Methos Dear Methos, I'm really happy to hear from you and more than pleased about how well you are doing. I'm not surprised though. I always did see that great looking person in your mirror. (wish I could say the same thing for my own mirror). As far as whether or not you should get a Masters first and then pursue a PhD or go straight for the PhD, I would consider two issues. The first is a practical one. What kind of credentials are required for you to be a Counseling Psychologist in your State? If a Masters degree can enable you to get a job in the Mental Health field in your area, than its reasonable to consider that as an option. You might want to get a few years of practical experience before you go on for your PhD. The other consideration is the programs themselves. I would try to get into what you think is the best program available. Some actually give you a Masters after you complete a number of credits and give you the option of continue straight on for your PhD or taking a break from your program to get practical experience. You know best what you want out of a graduate program and I suggest you choose the place you think will give you the best possible education and training. My family is well, we are expecting a puppy next week. (actually it's six weeks old and we are getting it from a friend of WindNWillows) Keep up the great work and stay in touch. happy(youneverknowwhenyouareabouttoseesomethinggreatinthemirror)shrink
Dear Mr. Happyshrink, It's me Andi. I'm Edna's new favorite son now that Andy is in the slammer. I am studying for my GED and hoping to become the produce manager of a local Piggly Wiggly. I hear that they give the managers first crack at the rotting produce. I wanna make my momma proud of me and I realize I am at a crossroad in my life. You see I'm also dating this girl Pattysue and she thinks getting a GED is just a waste of time. She's almost 15 years old and she feels her biological clock is ticking. I don't think I'm ready for fatherhood even though we could probably dump the kid off with mom. I was walking down the street yesterday really thinkin bout what I should do when I realized I was a sort of at a crossroads. Fortunately I had a phone camera and I took a picture of it so you to tell me what you think I should do. Thanks for your advice and for all the help you have been to momma.
Andi Dear Andi, You are not the first guy to come to this crossroad. Notice the sign shows that you can go only "One Way" but it's bent so you're not sure which way. My advice to you is....... RUN!!!!! Get the hell away from that cross street. It's on the "badder" side of town. I was mugged there when I came down and visited your momma. As far as the girl is concerned. Get your GED first. Get a good job second and get a good woman third. Your dad Bubba woulda done his life that way only he never learned to count up to three. happy(countingtotenandgoingontothenextletter)shrink
Dear Happy, Well, The Earl done taked little Harley to the fish store 3 hours ago. I been done cleanin' the tank an' washin' her sheets 2 hours ago. Why it take 3 hours to get a few little fish I be wonderin'. When we flushed the fish, Harley went ta yellin', so The Earl taked her off for new ones. I bet, or, I at least hope, she don't take 'em to bed with her no more.. Gind Rinker Dear Gind, I hope she doesn't take them to bed either but look at the bright side of it. At least Harley has stopped wetting the bed. happy(willwetsomethingifIdon'tleaverightnow)shrink
Date: May 15-16, 2004
Dear Happyshrink, When do you know to end therapy? I have been seeing the same therapist for 10 years now, and I actually think I am less happy with myself now than I was 10 years ago. But the idea of stopping is so scary and lonely to me. It is like I am paying someone to listen to me and to give me the false feeling that someone cares. T Dear T, Therapy is not supposed to be a journey in the desert. Some people use it as such but that isn't its purpose. Therapy should have treatment goals and objectives that you review on a regular basis. Goals like reducing your stress, strengthening your coping skills and managing depression or anxiety are some of the reasons why people see a therapist. Objectives may be more specific like find ways to communicate better with your children, spouse, co-workers, bosses, etc. If your therapist is the only one in your life who seems to care, then maybe a good objective is to find a more meaningful relationships. I suggest you is to talk to your therapist about your dissatisfaction. I would also try to identify what you want to get out of therapy. If you think your therapist can help you in that journey, then perhaps it's worth continuing. If not, maybe you need to think about a new therapist or a different approach to dealing with your problems. Since I don't know what your problems are, I can't suggest alternatives for your specific situation but there are support groups, medication management strategies and short term cognitive therapy for starters. Please feel free to write back to either tell me more about what is going on with you or update me about the status of your therapy. Good luck. happy(allgoodandbadthingsmustcometoanend)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, My seven year old son was recently diagnosed with ADHD and prescribed Concerta. He has done smashingly well on the medication, and is already showing amazing improvements in school. There is, however, a small problem. He has always been...particular...regarding food and clothing, but it seems lately to have amplified to the point of obsessiveness. He will only wear a limited amount of his clothes- about three pairs of shorts (he now refuses to wear pants), certain tee shirts and only one kind of sock (which he will take about 15 minutes to put on, line up and roll down to his liking). He is also restricting his diet, refusing to eat certain foods that used to be "favorites", preferring to limit himself mostly to breads and grains (he claims that red meat makes him ill, doesn't like vegetables, and only likes bananas for fruits!). I had, up to this point, assumed that his quirks were part and parcel of the ADHD, and/or normal seven-year-old growing up behavior, but I am starting to get a little concerned. Is this new extreme in his "particular-ness" a separate illness? When should I start getting concerned? Should I try upping his dose of Concerta? Thanks so much for your help! -Ta Dear Ta, First I would hope that yours son is being seen by a child psychiatrist and not just your family physician. While your family physician may be able to prescribe medication, he/she is not as well trained to pick up on either other conditions that may exist or even a odd reaction to this medication. A well trained child psychiatrist can best evaluate if this behavior is part of his ADHD or something else. His school should also be made aware of these behaviors. I would assume that as a kid with ADHD your son has gone through testing and has an ETP (Educational Treatment Plan-it may be called something different where you live). Keep in mind that kids with ADHD are in a constant battle of being in control. That effort to be in control can also create a need to be "controlling." It sounds to me like your son is trying to control much of his environment by make up the rules. I would speak with his teachers, the school psychologist and his psychiatrist to developing a strategy for dealing with these behaviors and ensuring that you are in charge an not him on the important issues. Please let me know what the educational team and his psychiatrist has to say. Good luck. happy(willonlywearbigdogteeshirtsonweekends)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Mmmmm, if K decides she's not compatible with her boyfriend and his sex drive, maybe you can forward him my email address... Sincerely, Judi(twiceadaysoundsperfect!)blueye Dear Judi, You know they once defined a nympho-maniac as a woman with the average sex drive as a man. But then again, you were always above average. happy(gettingdangerouslyclosetoaverage)shrink
Happyshrink, I am writin you from the slammer. Remember me? I am Edna's favorite son, Andy. I was her favorite, until last night. I am in BIG F&$KING TROUBLE and mom is acting like she don't remember me. It was spring break last week and me and my friends from the park had a robot buildin contest. When everyone from the park - the ones that work - got home on Friday nite, they found .... Well. It's really hard to describe .. here is a picture from the local paper that came out this morning. It duz a better job of sayin what I cain't. ONE THING THO .. NOT ONE PERSON said "GREAT JOB, your robot is the SHIZNIT." Shiznit [fer you old peeps] means GREAT. I think .. hell .. I don't know, but I like sayin it. SHIZNIT. Andy [soon to be forgotten by everyone]
Dear Andy, That things is really......er..... Shiznit! Yeah, right! That's the ticket. I hope you get out of the slammer soon Andy. And I hope your mom finds a place to live and doesn't have to move in with her friend JeWitch. You know how the two of them get along. Keep doing Shiznit things in your life Andy. Step to the beat of your own drum as Henry David Thoreau said. (Never mind who he is) By the way.... do you think Tony the Tiger would every say Sugar Frosted Flakes are SSShhhhiiiiizzzzzitttt! happy(andfeelingShiznit)shrink
Date: May 8-9, 2004
Dear Happy Shrink: Dear Scared to leave home, Scared to stay, After years of substance abuse I don't think it is that simple to just see your problem as severe panic/anxiety episodes. I think you need to get evaluated by a psychiatrist who can make a distinction between your substance abuse problems and your mental health problems. You probably suffer from several conditions which need to be treated. I would also recommend an AA group or other support group that costs nothing. It may not be realistic for you to be working at this time and you can also apply for disability in which case you would be eligible for Medicaid. There are also mental health clinics and rehab programs that will consider finances in setting their rates. Don't make money an excuse. If you need to get scared, get scared enough to get help. No excuses. No rationalizations. There is help out there if you really want it. happy(toughlove)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Is there anything wrong with a 3 year old boy showering with his grandmother or mother? MP Dear MP, At age three, I don't see too much of a problem as long as there is no "inappropriate (bad touch)" behavior. However, it is getting close to a time when it can become problematic. I won't put an actual date on it but children do need to become separate individuals and have boundaries from their parents. It's part of normal human development and it's not all that different than choosing a time when breast feeding needs to be ended. It's important for you and your spouse to talk about it. If you have strong disagreements discuss it with your child's pediatrician. Let me know what he/she says. happy(showeringwithsomeoneelse'smother)shrink
Dear Happy, I cannot believe I be gettin' a sag in my belly. Here I am practilly still in my 20's an' I be gittin' a pot belly. The Earl had one since he were 10, but me????? Momma got 2 bellys, but me???? Happy, you gots a belly? I decided I had to go onna diet for I gets a second belly like Momma. So I went up ta the Circlye K store an' looked all over the no carb stuff that is for the Circle K diet. Jewitch says to git the Chicken Colorado bowl an a Z Bar. That be just what I did. Eat 'em both right up. That dark chocolate candy bar were deeeelicious. So were that bowl o' chicken. But this mornin' The Earl says he ain't kissin' my garlic lips for 2 weeks an' the candy bar and chicken bowl an' the big glass o' milk I had to wash it down with were 1000 calories an' made me gain 2 pounds. Gonna go on the gin diet. At least gin is low calory Gind Rinker Dear Gind, I actually think bellies are kinda sexy. happy(oldjellobellyhimself)shrink
And now from Judiblueye: What Religion is Your Bra? A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife." What type of bra?" asked the clerk. Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?" "Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from." Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied "There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer? Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them. The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple... The Catholic type supports the masses. The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen, The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills." Dear Judi, My mother used to buy Jewish bra's. They were always on sale. happy(oyveyismir)shrink
Date: May 1-2, 2004
Dear Happyshrink, I wrote you a couple of weeks ago about my husband dying and my daughter having a problem about me seeing someone. Your response was very helpful although you did not address some of my questions. You wrote that it's perfectly normal for a man of any age to want to have sex more than once a week and to spend the night. I totally agree with that. My problem is that his sex drive is way out of control. Don't get me wrong, I like sex just as much as the next person but he wants it every day ,sometimes more than once a day. That's just not possible having a child around. Him and I only get one or two nights alone. Also, I'm just not interested in having sex THAT often. He told me he's got sex on his mind every minute of every day. That there's nothing he likes better than sex and would rather have sex than eat. It just doesn't seem normal to me for a 45 year old man to have such a strong sex drive . If he were 18 that would be different. My other question was .....Do you think it would be appropriate for him to spend the night in my bed and have sex when my daughter is home? I'm no prude but I just don't think it would set a good example for a child. I'd appreciate your thoughts on all of this. Thanks.......K Dear K, Rather than judge your boyfriend's sex drive as abnormal, I would rather assert that the two of you have some serious compatibility issues around sex. Even if every other part of your relationship is good, this is a serious problem that clearly needs to be worked out. If it can't be, then perhaps you need to find another boyfriend. As far as the issue of a man staying overnight at your house, I think it needs to be the right man. If this guy is someone who you think you are going to have a long term commitment with and be more than "mommy's boyfriend" to your daughter, then having him sleep over should not be a problem. Both your letters indicate to me that you have some serious concerns about this man; not only regarding sex. Ultimately, you have to decide what to do about it, but I suggest that you read both letters you sent to me as if they were sent to you by a friend and think about the advice you would give that friend. Please tell me what advice you would give. happy(can'talwaysgiveanswersbutcanpointtheyway)shrink
Dear happy, Ok--here is my story. I'm 18 and started taking Zoloft for my depression about a month ago. Both my psychiatrist and my psychologist were pretty sure that my depression was unipolar and not bipolar, but not positive. I definitely had what I call 'hyper spells' often, but the doctors and I figured that those would just be manifestations of my ADHD. (see, I had those hyper spells before I developed any depression.) We were sure that what could be confused with hypomania was really just my super-creative and ADHD mind at work. Well, about 2 or 3 weeks into the treatment I noticed an increase in agitation...I shook more, bit my nails more, I actually started biting my window sill (the teeth marks on the wood are just gross), and picking scabs compulsively. I even started cutting myself. I don't know if that is more related to just being really depressed or if it's amplified by a new agitation, but before I had never been a cutter, although I had punched myself in the face a lot. I've become addicted to cutting and I have a hard time stopping, and I haven't even told anyone I do it, because I don't want my mom to find out and get mad or sad. She would be really upset if she knew. Another thing I have done more since the Zoloft is hula hooping. I could never hula hoop when I was little, but I went out and bought one recently, learned how to do it, and got addicted. I hula hooped for 2.5 straight hours, in my room, no TV, no music, no nothing. just staring at the wall. Then just this past Friday I brought my hula hoop to school and hula hooped all day long. (I had class first and second period and then second to last.) I couldn't stop. I hula hooped walking up the hallway and down the hallway and I could even go up the stairs and down the stairs. At the end of the day the hula hoop even broke, and squirted its water everywhere. I'd used it that hard. Everyone thought I was psycho. then on Monday I was drawing all over my hands (initially as a substitute for cutting, and then compulsively and impulsively cause I couldn't stop) and cutting up my textbooks and papers with staples and safety pins. I ran around crazy, apparently reciting movie scripts to people. I must have recited the entire liar liar movie a few different times. I would stick my hand in people's faces and read whatever words were on there, such as maniac, bubonic plague, the pen is blue, and math equations. My friends kept asking me what I was smoking. Then that night I took a 4 mile walk barefoot on the hard rocky road, between the two yellow lines. Luckily no cars came. And then I spontaneously cut my hair, which I would normally never do. I cut 4 inches off. I didn't even measure. Luckily my hair is curly so you can't really tell how uneven it is. I didn't even want a haircut...I'd been trying to grow my hair. My psychiatrist made me stop taking the Zoloft when he found out how crazy I'd become, so I haven't taken it for a few days. I still have a little excess energy but not nearly as bad as hulahoop day or ink day. I know it's possible for SSRI's to induce a mania in bipolar people, but I'm confused because I thought we decided I wasn't bipolar. can SSRI's induce mania in non-bipolar people? Or could this mean that I am bipolar and the ADHD theory was wrong? Do bipolar people have to take mood stabilizers, or are there any anti-depressants that work on bipolar illness? I don't want to have to take a mood stabilizer because those often increase testosterone levels, making you grow dark hair on you body and gain weight. I'd rather be hyper and then depressed and still be a girl than feel good but look disgusting, which would be depressing in and of itself, and then I'd be ugly AND depressed. Can you recommend any medicines I might be able to bring up to my therapist? and is it possible that I'm bipolar, or would I know it for sure if I had it? I know this is hard to answer happy, especially since you don't know me personally, but i would appreciate any insight you could share. thank you, mbg Dear mbg First let me answer your easiest question. SSRI's can induce mania in anyone. It is not just a reaction that some individuals with a bipolar mood disorder could experience. It is also common for individuals who have ADHD in their childhood, develop depression or other conditions in their adolescence and/or adulthood. As far as the behaviors you have shared in you letter, they can be indicative of depressive disorders, adjustment disorders, borderline personality disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and yes, Bipolar disorders. I am most concerned about your cutting. This is a very serious symptom and needs to be shared with you psychiatrist and therapist at the very least. I realize that it may make your mother upset, but if it is not dealt with, it can get much worse and your mom may be dealing with more than news that will make her sad. Determining the correct diagnosis as well as the best treatment may take some time. The medications that were effective in treating your ADHD are often outgrown and new medications must considered. Zoloft is a common medication used for treating ADHD combined with depression because it has some good anti-anxiety properties as well. Clearly it didn't work in your case an my guess is that your psychiatrist will try another medication or combination of meds to see if they do a better job in managing your symptoms. Clearly, you have done some of your own research on diagnoses and medications. I think that's really a good thing, but you need to use that knowledge the right way. That means being as open and honest to the mental health professionals who work with you. Your psychiatrist and therapist can not do what's best for you unless they know all the facts. Please make sure you tell them everything mbg. That way, you can have the best chance of being all that you want to be including, happy, creative and attractive. happy(andatleastcreative...2outof3ain'tbad)shrink
Happy once again answers his spam mail: Hi there Happyshrink, If you are looking for discreet fun with an erotic babe you have her. I am Searching boys, who are nice, with a love for a lady. You are looking for a specific encounter and know how to handle a beautiful lady. looking forward to touching you girlie Dear girlie, At age 54, you could hardly call me a boy. And I do have a love for a lady, but I don't think she would be looking forward to having you touch me so I guess this is just another one of those relationships where I can just ponder.... Where were you when I needed you 35 years ago????? Anyway, thanks for the kind thought and.... where did you say you were going to touch me? happy(notaskinformuch....justlookinforsometouch)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, My boyfriend and I went to Rome on a WELL DESERVED and NEEDED vacation. I went to the beauty parlor OF COURSE, so I would my VERY BEST for the trip. Sitting in the chair I told the hairdresser all about our plans. She said, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking Delta," I said. "They had some GREAT rates!" The hair dressers goes, "Delta?" That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?" "We'll be staying at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste." I said. And again she comes back with another dig trying to ruin my vacation, "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is crappy and they're overpriced. Any way, whatcha gonna do when you get there?" "We're going to go to see the Vatican and I am hoping I will get a chance to see the Pope." "That's rich," she laughed. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it." So when I got back I made a SPECIAL TRIP to see my hairdresser ... PRAYING she will ask me about my vacation and my trip to Rome. And she did. "It was wonderful," I said, "not only were we on time in one of Delta's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine was great, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5-million remodeling job and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!" "Well, "That's all well and good, but I bet you didn't get to see the Pope." she says. So I replied, "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me." "Oh, really! What'd he say?" He said, "Where'd you get that shitty hairdo?" JeWitch [that'll teach her for trying to burst MY bubble.] Dear JeWitch, I'm glad you and the boyfriend had such a great time in Rome. I would love to come down and visit you in Orlando, but my devout Catholic Barber told me that Orlando is just a disgusting tourist trap that's over-rated, overpriced, the hotels are filled with roaches and the best restaurants are the Denny's. I told him that I was not going attractions or the food but to see my good friend JeWitch. my Barber fell to his knees and said, "Ave Marie, is that the women his holiness said had such a shitty hairdo? Well, maybe next year when the perm washes out. happy(andbaldsoitdoesn'tmatterthatIhaveashittybarber)shrink and while where on the subject.... a joke: Two Nuns are riding their bicycles down the back streets of Rome. One leans over to the other and says, "I've never come this way before." Time to go looking for cobblestones... happy(seeynextweek)shrink
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