Postings from December 1-31, 2003
Date: December 28, 2003
Dear Happyshrink, Dear JeWitch, Well, you asked for it, so here is my take on this anonymous person. It may not be what you expected but I hope you appreciate the time and effort that went into it. The Young Adult Years] Diane is a smart forceful individual that is not afraid to say what is on her mind. It would help her to be more diplomatic though and realize that you can get more with sugar than you can with vinegar. Diane has a great appetite for life and wants to get the most out of it. Unfortunately she often doesn't look before she leaps. She has made progress and is less impulsive most of the time but during times of stress she needs to exhibit more SELF-CONTROL. More Young Adult Years] Diane has become a beautiful and vivacious young woman. She is fun to be around and many people seek her out. It would help her to be able to distinguish between the healthy people who seek her out and the unhealthy people who use her and get her into trouble. Diane continues to demonstrate the character of someone who is very smart and yet does foolish things. It's too bad the book "Smart Women, Foolish Choices" didn't come out until she was in her middle adult years. The Prime Years] Diane continues to be a curious contradiction. She is a great mom, a hard worker and a loyal friend. How then can she be so self destructive and reckless? Her exterior is tough and yet inside is that same little girl looking for affirmation. Perhaps she is looking for it in all the "wrong" places because when she was going to grade school she didn't get it in the "right" places. More Prime Years] Diane has experienced great tragedy in her life and still manages to survive. There are deep wounds inside but this is one tough lady who will grit her teeth and bare it. She continues to make poor choices though and this does not help her to heal. The Middle Adult Years] Diane has beat the odds and continues to survive. She recently purchased a computer and has made lots of friends all over the Internet. Here again Diane has trouble distinguishing between the Good (happyshrink type) people and the Bad (Airborne type) people. More Middle Adult Years] Diane has definitely made some significant progress over the past several years. She seems to shed a lot of dead weight in her life and seems to have a better handle on what's really important. She continues to use the Internet as a source of self expression and personal growth. She is also able to express her multifaceted talents in the form of her alter-egos. Her alter egos, like herself possess strengths and weaknesses, foolishness and wisdom. You might even call it "JeWisdom." More Middle Adult Years] Diane seems to have gained a new lease on life. The birth of her granddaug.... niece has renewed her faith in youth and innocence. There is even emerging a spiritual part of her personality. She still possesses the same hell, fire and brimstone that has been the core of her personality, but the softer and more vulnerable side comes out more often now. It even feels good to her (but I'm not sure she's willing to admit it). The recent death of a dear friend aroused many feeling in her. This experience will hopefully enable her to go further in her personal journey of self awareness. Good Job Diane! I hope next summer is a great one! Conclusion: Like most children, Diane had some good teachers, a lot more bad teachers and parents who did their best with limited capabilities. She is a product of these experiences, but she also made both good and bad choices that brought her to where she is today. Diane's life is no different than most of us. She has experienced tears, laughter, joy, sorrow, love, hate, bravery and cowardice. Her diagnosis: CHRONIC HUMAN BEING. happy(GeeIwishIknewwhoshewas)shrink Dear Happyshrink, I am bummed out because I don't have the cash to meet the holiday expectations the little blueyed ones have generated in the Christmas gift list department. They will see right though any attempt misdirection such as suddenly announcing a conversion to Hinduism. Any suggestions on how to get through this holiday season without disappointing everyone? The credit cards are full and the bank account is empty. Sincerely, Judiblueye PS This is a serious letter despite it's light-hearted tone. Dear Judiblueye, You can't control how your kids feel about what they got or didn't get for Christmas. All you can do is affirm to yourself that you do your best 365 days a year to put food on the table, a roof over their heads, and clothes on their backs. You know there used to be a time when kids would have been thankful just for that! Whose to blame for the new expectations? Ok, besides George Bush, Bill Gates and Walmart? It's you and I Judi. We have to teach our kids that the greatest gifts that they receive are our love, our time and our hopes. Give you kids hope for a bright and fruitful future Judi. That's better than any X-Box Game or Computer gadget. Okay, it's not an easy sell but in your heart you know it's true and so do your kids. happy(evenwithoutmyHanukkahpresents)shrink And a few one liners from Reverend_Al who I trust has had a joyous and healthful Christmas!!! 1.
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own
pants.
Date: December 27, 2003
Dear Happy, I am in such a situation that I don't know what to do. I am a young person and I am losing a lot of weight and everyone notices it. It is to the point where I am a junior in high school and people think that I am a freshman ...However, I have tried to eat a lot, go on weight gaining plans, plow down sweets and much much more but I still can not manage to gain weight. I even sleep a lot. I weighed 120 in the eighth grade which was great, but now years later I am barely pushing 113 and have pencils for legs. I hate the way I look in clothing and I fit size ones in teens when my little cousins cousin wears 7's and she's TWELVE! However, I once heard that when you have sex it stimulates your hormones and it causes your hips to expand. Not only that but your legs to gain mass as well it flattens your stomach...Also I heard it gives you this sort of muscle in the back of your legs too that can make you appear thicker... After I heard that I noticed that A lot of the sexually active girls do have this muscle and are thicker than me.... What do you suppose I should do to gain weight? I am in DESPARATE need of a quick answer to my problems and I figured you might just know. Confused and Bothered, Eliz Dear Eliz, I can tell you one thing not to do. Don't go out and have sex because you think it's going to help you gain weight or physically mature faster. Having sex is something you should do when you have found the right person and you are at the right place in your life. It doesn't sound like that is the case right now. I don't know how tall you are Eliz, but weighing 113 lbs doesn't sound outrageously underweight unless you are 6 feet tall or more. As a teenager, you may have reached puberty but this process doesn't end with menstruation. You continue to develop and mature even into your 20's and beyond. Every woman develops at their own rate and there is a wide range that is normal. Looking like a freshman and being a junior may be tough emotionally and socially. I'm not minimizing that, but it doesn't mean your are physically abnormal. Rather than accept my speculation (given the fact I have never seen you), why not get a physical exam from your family physician or make an appointment to see a gynecologist? If something is physically wrong, they will be able to determine that. There are many teenage girls who are dissatisfied with the way they look and how much they weigh. (In the extreme, such a condition is know as Body Dysmorphic Dysorder.) This is a time in your life when it is pretty normal to be self- conscious. There isn't a "quick answer" Eliz. Be patient; your body will catch up with the rest of you. If your doctors give you a clean bill of health, and you still feel confused and bothered, I would try and seek some counseling. Your parents or your school may be able to help you with that. Please feel free to correspond and let me know how you are doing. Good luck. happy(wisheshelookedlikeafreshmanagain)shrink Some interesting thoughts from Judiblueye: Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him... what? It made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. Nativity Scene Canceled: The Supreme Court ruled there cannot be a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. this Christmas. This isn't for any religious or constitutional reason, they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the nation's capitol. There was no problem however finding enough asses to fill the stable. Dear Judi, I hope you and your family had a happy and joyous holiday. Funny how there seems to always be enough asses to fill stables, stadiums, arenas, movie theatres and governments. Must be air we are breathing. happy(movinghisassouttahere)shrink
Date: December 14, 2003
Dear Happyshrink, I think my boyfriend is suffering from depression, what can I do to help him? Thanks. D Dear D, Other than being patient, supportive and expressing your concern, there isn't much more you can do for him. I would suggest though, that you urge him to seek professional help. He doesn't have to suffer from depression. There are a number of treatments that can reduce and in many cases eliminate this condition. If he has other loved ones who are concerned about his state of mind, you might all want to get together to urge him to get the help he needs. This is a tough time for him and I'm sure a very tough time for you as well. The holidays sometimes make things even worse because the expectation is to have a happy and joyous time. You can try your best to make this time a good one, but it's up him to get the help he needs. I wish you luck and please write me again to let me know how both you and he are doing. happy(canonlyleadahorsetowater)shrink Hi Happy Shrink! I have noticed that all shrinks have psychiatric issues of their own. What's up with that? Does this profession attract all the crazies??? --chunky Dear chunky, All people have psychiatric issues when it comes down to it. Shrinks are no different from anyone else with regard to that. Some even need to choose another profession because they can do more harm than good. My experience though is different from yours. I have seen incredibly kind, compassionate and dedicated mental health professionals be overworked, underpaid and unappreciated and still love the work they do. This is a noble profession just as teaching and healthcare are. There are some bad apples in every line of work but the vast majority of people who dedicate their lives to helping people with mental disorders do it professionally, competently and with passion while trying to raise kids, pay bills and deal with the same every life problems that you deal with. I'm a psychiatric social worker and proud to be one. happy(inloveanwork)shrink Dear Happy Shrink, I have been taking Klonopin for 2 years for anxiety (mostly physical) and tension since my husband died of cancer. It works wonders for me. I've tried several anti-depressants for the anxiety (I don't feel depressed) but can't handle the side effects. Is Klonopin a good alternative to antidepressants? Are there any long term adverse effects besides dependence? Is this something I can take indefinitely? I am 40 years old. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks, Kristen Dear Kristen, If Klonopin works for you and you still suffer from anxiety symptoms, I would suggest you continue to use it at the present time. It can be habit forming though and I do think you should consider weaning yourself off of it in the future. I would suggest you speak to your physician and even more appropriately a psychiatrist as to the long term side effects of taking Klonopin and what you can do to reduce your anxiety while reducing your dependence on medication. Good luck and tell me what your doctor says. happy(anxiousaboutalotofthingstoo)shrink Just a comment to BR who wrote a letter way too vulgar, tasteless and obscene to put on this web site. The basic message is that he doesn't like me or my web site. I really don't have a problem with that. I just wonder how you can praise Jesus and at the same time spew so much hate and venom? I don't think that was Jesus' intention for his followers. But then you might respond by saying, "what do you know?.. you're a Jew." (I'm sure your comeback would be much more clever than that with a few vulgarities added to incite even more hatred.) Perhaps I don't know that much about Christianity, but the Christians I know don't quite have the same view of the world as you do. Lastly, you think I'm an "unhappyshrink." Again, that may be true from time to time, but then, what does that make you? Don't you think we have enough hate in the world? Happiness is one thing but hate is quite another. happy(whenthereislesshateintheworld)shrink And to lighten things up a bit, some humor from Judi Blueye: Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Anderson Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift." As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?" "Oh certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of your you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent." I then asked curiously, "After you get it out, how do you put it back?" "Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon." And some more humor from the good Reverend AL: This is a story about a popular young Baptist
preacher, who on Sunday Bubba, who owns several car dealerships,
stands up and announces, "If the preacher stays, I'll provide him
with a new sedan every year, and his lovely Ms. Ella May, aged 70, stands and announces, "If the preacher stays, I'll give him SEX!!" There is a hush. The preacher, blushing, asks, "Ms. Ella May, whatever possessed you to say that?" Ms. Ella May answers, "I just asked My husband how we could help, and he said....... F*** him" And to all a good night
Date: December 13, 2003
Dear Happy, So, today I was on the phone with my mother, who I've had, err, significant issues with in the past, and we were just discussing things when she starts MAKING STUFF UP. Now this isn't the first time where her memory has been significantly faulty, but it's usually not so blatantly false as it was this time, and I was just sitting there thinking, my god, this woman is psychotic. As far as parents go, she ranks way up there in terms of bad evil nasty amoral things she's done, and I know she had to lie a bunch to cover up severe parental abuse and neglect. So now I'm wondering. Is she lying because she knows it's the easiest way to shut me up and confuse the hell out of me, or is she really psychotic? Could the guilt over everything have disintegrated truth/fiction boundaries for her? What psychiatric disorders would make her do this? Thanks, Petunia Dear Petunia, It is very common for parents who brought up their children in a severely dysfunctional environment (and whose own needs came before their children) to rewrite history. Some of the most intelligent and rational people have done it especially if the alternative is to face a lifetime of guilt and regrets. So I would answer your question about how disturbed your mother is by saying that she is no more disturbed than when she was younger and doing all those bad, evil, nasty, amoral things you referred to. She probably didn't realize back then that they were bad, evil, nasty and amoral. They were a vehicle for her getting her needs met. Her revisionist history is also a vehicle for that. I don't know if finding out what kind of psychiatric disorder (even though I'm intuitively leaning towards borderline or narcissistic personality disorder) is really helpful to you. You need to ask yourself what part of your life do you want your mother to be involved in. She's not going to change and she's not going to admit she was a lousy parent. If that's what you are looking for, cut your losses now. What is important here is that she doesn't make you any more damaged from her parenting than you have been. I don't know to what degree you suffered from your childhood, nor do I know if you have gotten any help to work things out. If you need to heal, then get yourself the help you need. It's time for you to make yourself healthy and happy. Your mother's opportunity for that has probably passed. That may sound cold, but I have seen too many adult children of dysfunctional parents continue to be hurt and disappointed by them. You are an adult now Petunia and you can choose the kinds of people who you want in your life. Choose them wisely. Please feel free respond and tell me more about your situation. happy(youcanforgivebutyoucanneverreallyforget)shrink Greetings Happy Shrink
°`°`°¤ø,¸¸,ø¤°`°`°¤ø,¸¸,ø¤°
:-: FaithfulKisses Dear FaithfulKisses, They were relatives of Paula Jones looking to have sex with Bill Clinton. Unfortunately, he's no longer in Arkansas. happy(wehavehimrighthereinNY)shrink Happy, Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "where the f*** is the ceiling? -- ·.·´¨ ¨)) -:¦:- ¸.·´ .·´¨¨)) JeWitch ((¸¸.·´ ...·´ -:¦:- ((¸¸ ·.· Dear JeWitch, Last night I did the same thing in New Jersey and thought to myself, "why am I freezing my f***ing ass off? happy(stayingindoorsfortherestofthewinter)shrink
Date: December 7, 2003
Another week without any serious letters to happyshrink. Here's some stuff from happy's friends: Reverend Al shares a joke: A successful rancher died and left
everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good looking woman, and
determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she
decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Dear Reverend Al, It's a good thing our wives can't fire us! (wink, wink) happy(passthemascara)shrink Happy, JeWitch called me from work today, said "bring my PMS medicine, NOW!!!" and hung up. I got to her house and then realized, she didn't tell me what it said on the bottle and there were SO MANY BOTTLES !!! I was just about to call her at the office and ask, when I saw it .. I knew THIS had to be the one. It had bite marks on the cap. Edna Dear Edna, You are one brave lady to face JeWitch when she's unmedicated. I just hope that the medication was for her PMS and not Doggie vitamins. happy(PoorMentalStability)shrink Back to "Ask Happyshrink" Home Page Back to most current postings
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