Postings from November 1-30, 2003

Date: November 30, 2003    

Happy,

Edna's kid Andie was in biology class, and his teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this. Andie told the teacher "That is NOT correct, Miss!" [he is so damn polite-like Eddie Haskal from Leave It To Beaver] The teacher told him to explain why he interrupted the class to disagree with her .... "Well, Miss, just the other day I was playing with my cat on the porch. The neighbor's Rottweiler came around the corner, and my cat went "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say "F*** Off!", the dog killed him."

Guess he told her, huh ??

--

    ·.·´¨ ¨)) -:¦:-

                  ¸.·´ .·´¨¨))

               JeWitch

          ((¸¸.·´ ...·´

             -:¦:- ((¸¸

                            ·.·

Dear JeWitch,

It's hard to figure if Andie takes more after his mom or his Auntie JeWitch

happy(havinganotherSundaywithoutaseriousletter)shrink

Happy Belated Thanksgiving

Date: November 29, 2003    

Dear Happyshrink,

I am a 32 year old male who has recently been diagnosed with cancer. It is a very treatable form and my doctor is hopeful that I should make a full recovery without any impairment. I am still pretty freaked out by the whole thing and my family has urged me to attend a support group with other cancer patients. The only problem with the support group that I have been attending is that the person closest to my age is 55 years old. Most of the other group members are in their 60's and 70's. Besides that, some of them seem like they are not going to live much longer. Rather than this group being a comfort, it has made me depressed and anxious. My wife wants me to continue to go because her friends have said that it will be good for me. I really don't want to go. Do you have any suggestions.

MB

Dear MB,

While the idea of going to a support group is a good one, it needs to be the right kind of support group. Clearly, the one you are attending is not right for you. I would suggest that you speak to your oncologist about talking to some of his/her other patients who are close in age to you that have gone through your particular form of cancer. Often people who have successfully gone through treatment and recovery are willing to share their experiences. You might even want to contact the American Cancer Society if your oncologist is unable to assist you in this matter. 

I'm sure your wife is going through her own issues about your cancer and it would probably be good to suggest that she too join a group for spouses. It will better help her work through her own feelings as well as learn how to best support you. I know this has got to be one of the toughest of times for you and your family. Good luck and let me know how things work out.

happy(awareofhisownmortality)shrink

Judiblueye shares a "Bad Thanksgiving Joke"

Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my guilt?" "Certainly not," said the Priest. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it." "I tried," Brian sobbed, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?" "If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family." Thanking the Priest, Brian hurried off. When confession was over, the Priest returned to his residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his turkey.

Dear Judiblueye,

I and I always thought it was someone's virginity that couldn't be returned.

happy(andstillnotavirginbutfullofturkey)shrink

Date: November 23, 2003    

Date: November 22, 2003    

Hi Happyshrink~

To make this as short as possible. I am concerned about my sons behavior since he has left high school. He walked out of the U.S. Navy after a year and a half. When he came home, he wouldn't stick to any jobs, he would quit. During these times he sleeps a lot. He has made comments to me that he "doesn't take any **** from anyone." Although he seems to have hobbies he is interested in and has the energy for!  I would like to know what type of disorder is this?  How can I help my son? Are there any books out there on this subject? please...someone help me, to help my son. Thank you.

M from Albuquerque....

Dear M from Albuquerque,

Your son does seem to be suffering from some emotional as well as adjustment problems. He would need to be evaluated more extensively than the information you have given me to come up with an accurate assessment or diagnosis of his problems. Late adolescences is a difficult time for many young people. He is struggling to find his vocational identity, his values and his sense of self-worth. A lot of young men associate being tough with being powerful, especially if they don't have a good career path or a positive self-image. You son's comments about not taking any **** from anyone is consistent with this attitude and self-image. 

As your son is over the age of 18, you can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do. All you can do now is express your love and concern for him and suggest he seek some counseling. It sounds like he may need both vocational counseling as well as psychotherapy. I would suggest both to him but if he backs off at the psychotherapy (which is likely to happen) I would then focus on his need to develop some skills that will enable him to get a good job and be happy in his work life. 

I don't know how close you are to your son, nor how well the two of you have communicated in the past. It would be good for the both of you to communicate well now. If that is a problem you might even want to suggest family counseling. It shows to your son that you are willing to be a part of the process and take the same risks you are asking him to take. It's worth trying. Please think about my suggestions and let me know what you are doing. Good luck.

happy(knowswhatit'sliketohaveachildwhoisstruggling)shrink

Date: November 16, 2003    

As we come up on the 40th anniversary of the assassination of President Kennedy and the 100th anniversary of the first airplane flight, nobody seems to need serious advice from happyshrink. Any thoughts about the two events we are going to observe? Just a thought. Tawk amongst yourselves.

Dear Happy,

Andie was sent home from school because of his "a tire." Now I know he's overweight but calling his gut a tire is not very kind. I think he's quite a handsome young man. What do you think?

Edna

Dear Edna,

He's the spitting image of bubba at the same age. Even down to the spit dripping 

on his cheek. Be proud!

happy(usuallywaitsfordate#2)shrink

Date: November 15, 2003    

BeeBalm replies to IH (October 25, 2003)

Dear Happy,

Strange that someone would reply now, but I guess that I should clarify. I don't question that Muslims are nice, hard-working, moral people, and I've known some. However, I wanted an official of the less fanatic sect to publicly clarify the position on murder. I guess they did. Maybe I just missed it.

BeeBalm

Dear BeeBalm,

No they didn't clarify their position on murder. Then again, neither have Christians and Jews. Christians and Jews may have "thou shalt not kill (or murder if that's your interpretation)" in the Ten Commandments but it seems to me that there is an awful lot of it occurring at the hands of Christians and Jews and often in the name of God. Every religion has its share of fanatics and unfortunately, their rhetoric reaches the media at a disproportionate frequency compared to moderate and progressive factions. This has been even more true among Muslims. I am happy IH voiced her and her husbands love of America and I wish more people around the world would do so. We can use all the love we can get.

I know that your feelings were coming from good place BeeBalm. Your letter that IH responded to was shortly after 9/11 and all of us were asking the question, why? There's still no reasonable answer. There never will be.

happy(makinglovenotwar)shrink

CAUTION! BEAR ALERT!

The Colorado State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen, and golfers to take extra precautions and be on the alert for bears while in the Dillon, Breckenridge, and Keystone areas. They advise people to wear noise-producing devices, such as little bells, on their clothing to alert but not startle the bears unexpectedly. They also advise you to carry pepper spray, in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch for signs of bear activity. People should be able to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings.

Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and possibly squirrel fur.

Grizzly bear droppings have bells in them and smell like pepper spray.

Dear Judiblueye,

The only plans I have to meet up with a Grizzly bear is when I visit the Bronx Zoo.

happy(indoorkindaguy)shrink

Date: November 9, 2003    

Dear Cecily,

In my work as the director of 2 residential programs for mentally ill adults we have Yoga classes and the primary resistance for many of the obese individuals is having to get on a mat. For many of them the act of getting on the floor and getting up from the floor is not only physically stressful but emotionally stressful. It puts them in touch with how their weight limits their ability to do simple things. One of our instructors is doing some Tai Chi which allows for the participants to sit on chairs rather than lie on a mat. This has helped in a few cases. I don't know if you can do Yoga sitting on a chair, but if you could have a class that allows for such an adaptation, I think you might attract more people who have weight problems. Please let me know what you think and If you do take my advice, let me know if it works.

happy(Mrcouchpotatohimself)shrink

dear happy--

I'm 17 and about to start taking medication to treat my ADD which was just diagnosed a week ago.  I'm probably going to take Ritalin or Adderall.  I'm kind of nervous and don't know what to expect.  Wanna educate/guide/counsel me just a little bit? 

--sh

Dear --sh,

Ritalin is usually given to children prior to their reaching puberty. It does have some effective uses for adults but I don't necessarily think it is the best medication to start a 17 year old on. If your psychiatrist is recommending it, I would suggest to your parents to get a second opinion. I should remind you that I am not a medical doctor and do not prescribe medication in my work even though I make recommendations and work with psychiatrists who do prescribe medication. 

Adderall is more commonly given to teenagers and adults with ADD as well as some other conditions. It should help you to focus better and be more alert in school. It is preferable to take it in the morning so it doesn't interfere with your sleep at night. 

Since each person reacts differently to medication, I can't predict how you will react to a new medication. Your doctor should give you some information about side effects as well as interactions with food and other medications. It is very important that you communicate how you are feeling. If you can get on the right medication --sh, it can really help you in many ways; not only enable you to focus better. If the first medication your psychiatrist gives you doesn't do the job, there are others that can be considered. Good luck and let me know how it's working. 

happy(andhopeful for--sh)shrink

Dear Gind,

The only advice I have for you for next year is to PLEASE stock up on toilet paper.

happy(don'twannathinkaboutitanymore)shrink

Compliments of Reverend_Al

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the Stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes in the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the ass and say, "WHO'S HORNY".....?!!!" and she acts like she's sound asleep. 

Dear Reverend_Al

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

happy(nottonightIhaveaheadache)shrink

Date: November 8, 2003    

Happy's going on a road trip today. He'll be back and Post tomorrow (Sunday).

Date: November 2, 2003    

Dear Happyshrink,

I wasted 3 perfectly good hours of my life waiting in line at the Friend of the Court office in Downtown Detroit to learn what I already knew: no one is doing anything to help me collect my child support because my ex moved from one out of state state to another. I found an interesting tidbit that sums up my experience quite nicely. All you really need to know about Government and Bureaucracy:

** Pythagorean theorem: ..................... 24 words.

** Lord's prayer: ........................... 66 words.

** Archimedes' Principle: ................... 67 words.

** 10 Commandments:..........................179 words.

** Gettysburg address: ......................286 words.

** Declaration of Independence:........... 1,300 words.

US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words.

Sincerely,

Judi

PS I am not exaggerating, I arrived at 10 AM and left at 1 PM. In the mean time my purse was searched, I was condescended to 5 times, laughed at three times, belittled twice and threatened with removal by a Wayne County Sheriff once. And all that was before anyone took the time to access my computer file to see what I was talking about.

Dear Happyshrink,

I can't take it anymore. Family life ain't what it use to be. I have been looking for the best moment to walk out that door on a cigarette or beer run or something and never look back. I heard from some of my friends that it is best to leave around a holiday because that really hammers home the message "I ain't coming back." Now, I was thinking about splitting on Columbus day, but I thought hell we ain't Italian, and really ..... are the little ones going to really give a rat's ass.

So, now I am thinking Halloween. My oldest has always liked dressing up and having his mother and I take him and his little sister trick or treating. It is a real family event, fun, I am definitely going to miss it. So, I was thinking we could all go out trick or treating this year (the boy is going as the Hulk and my little angel is going as a princess) and when we get about four streets over I could say that I forgot the camera and make my get away. I think this will be something that will stay with them for awhile.

But, I am not certain. Should I wait until Christmas and leave that morning, with an unfinished bike on the living room floor?

Bubba [you know, Edna's soon to be EX]

Dear Bubba,

Tomorrow is Monday. That should be a good timing. 

happy(justgetthehellout)shrink

Date: November 1, 2003    

Dear HappyShrink

My brother has been diagnosed with Schizotypical personality disorder by one shrink, anxiety and paranoid disorder by another.  As you stated before there can be a combination of these at the same time. I think this is case. My question though, is should I push him to get a job and start dealing with people and stop drinking …or let him just be alone, to drink and get worse. He has been living off my parents money for 10 years now. he is 32 and has had never had a steady job.

You said these disorders are sometimes outgrown…I find this very hard to believe…Another thing I want to mention is that my cousin , who is blood related is Bipolar-Manic…

With this said is it still possible that this can be outgrown…I am very confused about what to do here ..please advise

Thanks much

KM

Dear KM,

While certain disorders can diminish or even disappear, this is rarely the case with your brothers condition as you have stated it. Add drinking to the mix and you have someone who's prognosis is not very favorable. Your question about whether to push him to get a job or let him continue to drink and get worse is not really a fair question. Obviously he shouldn't be left alone to get worse, but do you really think the answer is pushing him to get a job? What kind of job do you think he's capable of handling? Schizotypical personality disorder is a pattern of acute discomfort in close relationships, cognitive or perceptual distortions, and eccentricities of behavior. What are the odds that he actually gets a job and keeps it?

Your brother needs help and more intensive treatment than just seeing a psychiatrist for medication. He probably needs to be in a dual diagnosis program that treats both substance abuse and mental illness at the same time. Check out if there are any "Double Trouble" programs in your area. They serve individuals with both substance abuse and mental disorders. Contact a mental health clinic in your area for other resources available. Many hospitals have psychiatric day hospitals and there may be other day treatment programs in your area that would benefit your brother. Perhaps down the road he could be job ready but it doesn't sound like he is now. Many of these programs do have a vocational training component to them and if his diagnoses are correct, he should qualify for these programs.

You brother might also be qualified to receive SSI Medicaid and food stamps as a disabled person. He should definitely apply if he hasn't already. At least he wouldn't be as much a financial drain on your parents if he was receiving some of his own benefits. Let me know what you think KM and please write me again.

happy(hopeyourbrothergetstherightkindofhelp)shrink

Girlfriends:

I sat on the porch overlooking a beautiful mountain lake on a summer day, enjoying a glass of wine with my Mom. Older than me, mother of four, experienced and wise. "Get yourself some girlfriends," she advised, swirling the wine in her glass. "You are going to need girlfriends. Go places with them, do things with them." What a funny piece of advice, I thought. Hadn't I just gotten married? Hadn't I just joined the couple-world? I was a married woman, for goodness sake, not a young girl who needed girlfriends. Nevertheless, I listened to my Mom and I got back in touch with my old girlfriends of years long gone.

As the years tumbled by, one after another, gradually I came to understand that Mom knew what she was talking about. Here is what I know about them: Girlfriends bring casseroles and scrub your bathroom when you are sick. Girlfriends keep your children and keep your secrets. Girlfriends give advice when you ask for it. Sometimes you take it, sometimes you don't.

Girlfriends don't always tell you that you're right, but they're usually honest. Girlfriends still love you, even when they don't agree with your choices. Girlfriends might send you a card, but they might not.

It does not matter in the least. Girlfriends laugh with you, and you don't need canned jokes to start the laughter. Girlfriends pull you out of jams. Girlfriends don't keep a calendar that lets them know who hosted the other last. Girlfriends will give a party for your son or daughter when they get married or have a baby.

Moreover, girlfriends are there for you, in an instant and truly, when the hard times come. Girlfriends listen when you lose a job or a husband. Girlfriends listen when your children break your heart. Girlfriends listen when your parents' minds and bodies fail. My girlfriends make my life wonderful. Once we were young, with no idea of the incredible joys or the incredible sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other.

Pass this on to your girlfriends (that includes sisters) and even to women you are not quite friends with. You never know, someday they may end up being a dear old friend. Let them know how much you appreciate them.

This is for sure the corniest email I have ever sent .. Don't tell anyone it came from me, it will RUIN my reputation ..

not JeWitch

Dear "not JeWitch"

You just found out what us guys have know all along. A girl friend is much better to have around than a spouse.

happy(don'tpassthisresponsearoundtoWindNWillows)shrink

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