Postings from October 1-31, 2003

Date: October 26, 2003    

Dear Gind,

Please wish Andi and DUI my best on their new careers. If Pakistan doesn't work out, there's always Calcutta. That would be poetic justice now, wouldn't it.

happy(Iknowyoudon'tgetitso...nevermind)shrink

 

...and now a joke from Judiblueye...

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."

Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you... the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!"

 

Date: October 25, 2003    

A belated reply to Bee? re Muslims, Sept 11, I am married to a Muslim..

Dear Happyshrink,

Hi ya.  Sorry about the lateness of this post!  I am married to a Muslim, Egyptian, and let me assure those of you who want to hear from Muslims who are NOT like Bin Laden they ARE out there, in fact, the Bin Ladens are IN THE MINORITY!!! Most Muslims, including my husbands' friends and family among others, some of the people I work with who are Muslims and others I know were disgusted at September 11th and at ANY terrorism!!!!!  

Listen, there are MANY people across the world of probably ALL religions who cry out for peace and there are countries like Morocco and Egypt where JEWS, MUSLIMS AND CHRISTIANS LIVE HAPPILY SIDE BY SIDE AS A GENERAL RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Some of hubby's best friends are Christians!  And a Muslim women I work with showed me a poem about tolerance and people from all walks of like working together!!  There is a LOT of post September 11th backlash, to the point that I almost think of divorcing hubs at times, and I can't even bring myself to tell the folks about him just yet but I WILL!!! I feel almost embarrassed to be married to a Muslim but then again he cooks for me, cleans and is a WONDERFUL man! Doesn't pressure me to convert or do anything against my will! So PLEASE people don't think that every Muslim, Christian, etc etc is the same!!!!!!  Peace Through out The World!  P.S. WE LOVE AMERICA!!! :-) (I am a New Zealander by the way)

IH

Dear IH,

Bee's letter is about 2 years old and was sent to me days after 9/11. There was a great deal of fear and anger back then. That still exists today but is less and I think most people understand that fanatics, demagogues and terrorists can be any race, any religion and come from any part of the world. It's nice that you love America but that doesn't mean you have to agree with everything our government does. I certainly don't. Disagreement and protest is a Pro-American belief. It is at the core of what makes America a truly free society.

Faith is one of the most paradoxical of all human traits. It can be the source of great strength, great hope and give people inner peace. But it can also make some people believe that they are right and everyone else is not only wrong but evil. It was faith that brought 19 Moslem men together to carry out 9/11. It was also faith that helped many people to heal and move forward. If we can ever sort out the nature of faith where it can promote love, understanding and acceptance without promoting blind devotion and obedience we might actually find a solution to the problems in the Middle East and throughout the world.

Thank you for writing this late but still timely letter. You husband sounds like a keeper to me IH. Please feel free to write again.

happy(lovesKiwis)shrink

 

Dear Happyshrink,

1. The nice men are ugly.

2. The handsome men are not nice.

3. The handsome and nice men are gay.

4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.

6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.

7. The handsome men without money are after our money.

8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.

9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.

10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!

11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

--=*=----=*=----=*=----=*=----=*=----=*=----=*=--=*=----=*=----=*=--

·.·´¨ ¨)) -:¦:-

¸.·´ .·´¨¨))

JeWitch

((¸¸.·´ ..·´

-:¦:- ((¸¸

·.·

Dear JeWitch,

Yes, it's all true about men. But why do you think that is? Could it be the influence of their...... MOTHERS??????

I think so!

happy(It'sallmyfamily'sfault)shrink

 

Date: October 19, 2003    

Dear Happy;

It has been way too long since I have talked to you. My life has well took a change in direction. I came out to my family that I was a lesbian about 5 years ago. And up to about a year ago, that seem to fit me quite well. Now I have been finding myself in Trans-sexual web sites about a sex change. One day I found myself throwing away all my female clothes and buying men's clothes. I have cut all my hair off.

It gets worse. My ex-husband and I have decided that I was going to start taking care of the children full time. Let's just say they are not happy with my physical changes either.

looking for answers in MA

Dear looking for answers in MA,

This change in direction is clearly distressing to you. What do you think may have been the trigger for these issues about gender? By throwing out all of your female closes, dressing in men's clothes and cutting off all your hair, what is the message you are giving to yourself as well as others? What is it about yourself that you might be dissatisfied with?

The search for one's identity is a life long journey with many different directions, dangers and opportunities. The direction you are moving towards is one you need to understand better before you proceed further. I would urge you to seek therapy to gain the self awareness you need to make the right choices. This is serious stuff, looking for answers in MA. I realize that you know that but you need to get help to sort it all out. I wish my web page could give you more answers, but the best answers lie within you and need to come out in therapy. Find a good psychotherapist and get the help you need so you can be the person you really want to be. Good luck and keep writing me.

happy(rightnowIhavemorequestionsthananswers)shrink

 

 

Dear Happy,

 

Date: October 18, 2003    

Dear Happyshrink,

I work for a private "for profit" nursing home chain. When we were recently visited by the president of the company, he flew into town on his private jet. I am the only single parent in my department. My ex has been unemployed since July of 2002, and when his job disappeared he abruptly stopped providing his kids with health insurance, so I had to start paying for that. Between loss of child support and gain of health insurance expenses, income has dropped by $1200 a month. The company passed along the 14% increase in health care premiums to us employees this Oct. 1.

Now the activities department has initiated a fund raising drive to buy a new bus for the nursing home. They want each department to chip in money to buy and donate gift baskets to be raffled off at the Halloween party. They are selling some kind of sweet food item or 50-50 raffle ticket every time I turn around, and are even selling the right to be "out of uniform" and dress in jeans for a dollar a day.

I'm tired of this constant barrage of requests for money. I am sure President Fly-by-jet could buy all of his nursing homes new buses and not make a dent in his expense account. How can I break the news to my boss and co-workers that I can't afford to help out with this latest basket project without drawing their ire and resentment? (Supposedly, as one of the registered, full time staff therapists, I make the "big bucks" in my department. However, many of the people who are paid less have spouses who are making much more money than I do.)

Sincerely,

Judi(helpIdroppedmycheckbookanditbounced)Blueye

Dear Judi,

As someone who works for a "non-profit" organization that does fundraising and asks it's employees to participate, I can understand how you could feel even more put upon. While no one can require you to participate in these activities, I understand the political pressure that exists and how you could end up "paying" more for not participating. My suggestion is to make a few small and symbolic gestures that show you are a team player. You can buy a couple of raffle tickets and explain that money is very tight for you as a single parent, thus preventing you from doing more.

I think the real problem Judi is your resentment. Yes, you have a right to be pissed about your employer and you have even more right to be pissed at your ex for not contributing his share of child support. You can be resentful of the fact that others have spouses who make a lot of money and you can be resentful of the fact that life is a big struggle. But after you go through all of that, does it really help you? It seems to me it just makes you more angry and bitter. While you certainly are justified in feeling that way, it doesn't serve you well. This resentment spills out in your work relationships, in your day to day dealings with people and in your personal sense of well being. The price is too high Judi. 

There are a million things that piss all of us off every day. Try and find some things that will make feel better and not worse. Maybe you can win that "out of uniform" raffle and show up "OUT OF UNIFORM!" OK, maybe that's not such a good idea but I think you know what I'm getting at Judi. Life is too short to be spend it as a victim. You are better than that.

happy(thinkingofcomingtoworkinhisBIRTHDAYsuit)shrink

 

The following is a real conversation between "Reverend Al" (who's real name is changed to protect the guilty) and Citibank:

My Aunt died this past January. Citibank billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge...the balance had been $0.00... now was somewhere around -$60.00) I placed the following phone call to Citibank:

Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."

Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections..."

Citibank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."

Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

Citibank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau...maybe both!"

Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

Citibank:"...excuse me .....?"

Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you.... the part about her being dead?"

Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!"

(Supervisor gets on the phone)

Me: ''I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."

Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

Citibank: ".....(stammer)"

Citibank: "Are you her lawyer?"

Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given... )

Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

Me: "Sure." ( Fax number is given )

( After they get the fax. )

Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death..."

Me: "Oh..."

Citibank: "I don't know what more I can do to help..."

Me: "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her...I suppose...don't really think she will care...."

Citibank: "Well...the late fees and charges do still apply."

Me: "'Would you like her new billing address?"

Citibank: "That might help."

Me: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery (#### Hwy 129 and plot number given.)"

Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?!!"

Dear Reverend Al,

Just like General Douglas MacArthur, on the planet "Citibank" no one ever dies. Their money just fades away. 

happy(HopesthatGodisn'tmadatmeforbeinglateonthecablebill)shrink

 

Date: October 12, 2003    

Dear Happy, 

I was wondering if there is a medical term for phobia of earthquakes- like an extreme fear, like hydrophobia, or arachnophobia.  Thank you very much. 

 Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

In researching my list of phobias, I came up with:

Atomic Explosions- Atomosophobia

Bald people- Peladophobia. (Not a natural disaster but a curiosity for me)
Floods- Antlophobia.
Fire- Arsonphobia or Pyrophobia.

Ice, frost or extreme cold- Cryophobia

Lightning and thunder- Brontophobia or Karaunophobia.

Meteors- Meteorophobia.

But nowhere have I found any reference to earthquakes. Of course we can invent our own name for it. Most of the names on the phobia list are the invention of someone. Here are a few of my ideas:

 

Shakeshakeshakeaphobia (that could also be the fear of shakeNbake)

Holycrapophobia (that might also be the fear of the Pope's feces)

Wwhaatttheeeehellllisssgooooingonnnaphobia (That could be the fear of White House Cabinet meetings)

Godzillaphobia (that could also be the fear of poorly made Japanese monster movies)

GetoutofCaliforniaphobia (that could also be the fear of Arnold Schwarzenegger

 

On second thought, maybe I should stick to giving advice.

 

happy(offtheRichterscale)shrink

 

 

 

Date: October 11, 2003    

Hi Happyshrink,

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 23 (I am 35 now) more recently I was re-diagnosed with rapid cycling. My question is, I work in a fairly high stress environment, crime scene investigation, specifically forensic science and blood splatter analysis, and it has been suggested to me by my mental health care provider that I might want to consider quitting my job or getting out of the 'field work' area of forensics. Personally, I don't think I am doing that poorly I am usually good about taking my medication, I have neglected it in the past but I have a lot of people breathing down my neck making sure I stay on top of things - I am usually pretty high functioning although I have days where I am a little rocky. I just wanted a second opinion about whether quitting my job is necessary as it is a part of my life I have been dedicated to and interested in for many many years. Any insight you may have would be most helpful. Thanks a lot.

Heidi

Dear Heidi,

If you are doing your job well enough to satisfy your employer and you enjoy what you are doing, I don't see any reason why you should leave it. Bipolar disorder even with rapid cycling has varying degrees of severity. Some people with such a diagnosis might have to go on disability because their condition does not enable them to perform up to the standards of competitive employment. If you are doing your job well and your bosses are satisfied with your work, even if they breath down your neck to make sure you are doing the job, the issue then becomes your own sense of well being.

Having a job and working, even in a stressful and/or chaotic environment is usually better than being idle. Few things, if any can give you more sense of identity and purpose than your work. Being productive and happy at work is as much a part of good mental health as taking your medication and seeing your psychiatrist regularly. If work is too stressful to feel happy or satisfied, that's another story and considering a less demanding job may be something to think about. Right now though, it sounds like you are doing pretty well and I would encourage you to function in as high a capacity as you are capable of. Please feel free to respond to this letter. I hope it is helpful.

happy(busypeopleareusuallyhappypeople)shrink

 

Dear Happyshrink,

Why is it that society tells us from birth that if we don't have a mansion, a luxury car, a 401k fatter than a rat in a Manhattan sewer, and vacation in France twice a year then we are failures. Then when we accept the fact that we are failures and don't want to associate with these people who are superior to us, we have social anxiety disorder and they pump us full of Paxil and Zoloft?? you want to ease my social anxiety don't write me a prescription, write me a check!!!

sincerely,

tim

Dear tim,

I would love to help you out but I have to make sure my servants are keeping my mansion tidy and washing the Mercedes before I fly to Paris tomorrow. Now take your medication like a good boy.

happy(didImentionmyoversized401K?)shrink

 

Date: October 4-5, 2003    

Dear Happyshrink,

I am a 32 year old healthy and happy male who has been noticing a change in my verbal communication. I have never been a introverted person (actually quite extroverted) but I have been experiencing a feeling of being tongue tied and confused in day to day conversations. For example, I may (in my mind) want to say "I am going to the store" however it may be verbally communicated "Store going to I" or some variation of that phrase. I feel that the thought process is clear but there seems to be a mix up somewhere between my brain and my mouth. I began to notice it about 2 years ago but it seems in the past month or two it has gotten really bad.

Other people have mentioned it to me and I am becoming concerned. I'm not even sure if this is a physical condition or a psychological issue. I fully don't expect a diagnosis via e-mail however I would greatly appreciate any information you could share with me!

Thanks,

 J

Dear J,

Clearly, the first thing you must do is establish whether or not it is a physical condition. I would speak with you family physician for a thorough physical exam as well as a referral to see a neurologist. A neurologist is likely to run some additional tests to see if there are any irregularities in your brain function. As I am not a medical doctor, I would not want to venture a guess on what medical conditions might be causing difficulties in verbalization.

If after you exhaust all medical explanations for your symptoms, you can explore psychological reasons for your speech difficulties. Since it appears to be a new condition, it is not a developmental or learning deficit. It could be related to stress, conflict, anxiety or depression. Given your self description, depression does not appear likely but here again, I would have everything checked out. Please let me know what you find out J. Good luck.

happy(tonguedtiedonoccasionbutnevertypingtied)shrink

 

 

Dear Happyshrink,

A Reverend wanted to raise money for his church and, on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might just as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline:

REVEREND AL'S ASS SHOWS.

Reverend AL was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the next day's race, and this time it won. The paper then read:

REVEREND AL'S ASS OUT IN FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the REVEREND AL not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper's headline the next day read:

BISHOP SCRATCHES REVEREND AL'S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give the donkey to His favorite nun, St. Theresa in a nearby convent. The headline the next day read:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted. He informed St. Theresa she couldn't keep the donkey. She sold the donkey to a farmer for $10. Next day the headline read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered St. Theresa to buy back the donkey & lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free. Next day, the headline in the paper read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop had a heart attack and was buried the next day.

Edna

Dear Edna,

Knowing Reverend Al and St. Theresa as well as I do, I'm not sure that the newspaper story was actually referring to this Donkey.

happy(knowsagoodASSwhenheseesone)shrink