Postings from September 1-30, 2003
Date: September 28, 2003
Dear Happyshrink, I suffer from a condition where during sleep I take a deep breath, hold it a minute and let it out slowly with an accompanying squeak sound. I also find myself occasionally doing it when I am relaxed and awake. It is not an obstruction or a spontaneous cessation of breathing. I wake well rested mostly and am not tired during the day. This does not appear to be the sleep apnea syndrome by definition or typical symptoms. It is a preparatory taking of a deep breath with the apparent intent to hold it, then letting it out slowly. My wife says I do it more often in the night when I am under stress. I once saw a therapist on a show that was teaching stress relief techniques (yoga style) and the major one was to take a deep breath and hold it a minute and then let it out very slowly. This is exactly what is happening unconsciously. Is this a possible self-control mechanism? It bothers my wife more than it does me. Any comments? GK Dear GK, I have never heard of the condition you have described nor have I been able to find any information on the Internet related to such a condition. All that being said, I would not rule it out as a potential problem. I don't know how long you have had this condition, what you physical health is like and what environmental factors may be pertinent to this condition. While it may not follow the traditional symptoms of sleep apnea, I would still suggest that you be evaluated at a sleep clinic. It may be a harmless condition right now that is just an annoyance for your wife, but it could become something more serious. It's better to be safe than sorry GK. Get it checked out. You can start by talking to your family physician. Let me know if someone is able to diagnose your condition. happy(sleepingabitbetterthesedays)shrink
Dear Happy, Well, at the last Circle K trailer Park picnik, Mary comes up with another big high falutin' idea that we should have a Circle K newspaper. Course she don't want to do it an' Snake an' cousin Thelma an' Dui, Harold Balls, Momma an' even The Earl all volunteers me cuzzin' I got this computer. An' Snake says he will pay me $25 offin' our rent which leavs more money for gin (an' I love that gin). So here be the first issue. THE CIRCLE K NEWS Well, they put the new gait in up front. Snake says it was needed to keep out the riff raff and prevent robbin'. All I kin figger is he needed to show somethin' for the $5 rent increase last month. We have to remember the number to open it is 666. Everbody know'd there be no need for no gait cuzzin' we all leave our doors open an' we all got big dogs, xcept Mary with her butterfly cage. Then JeWitch come over to see Harley an' me an' she got pissed at the gate an' run her car thru it. I think it were cuzzin' she lost the job at the Dairy Queen. It be a sore spot till next week or so. I'll git the tale eventually for the park news. We gonna have another picnik next Sunday at 1 pm. Bring your own food an' beer. We gonna be plannin' the Haloween party. Momma will be doin' the mind readin' table. The man washin' trailers spent 2 hours inside Edna's trailer last Tuesday. Edna were real happy when he left. Well, I'm goin' to the What Not Inn to get some news for next week. You can bring your news there most any night. your reporter Gind Rinker Dear Gind, I'm real glad that Edna got her trailer washed from both the outside as well as the inside. And that big smile on her face must have been the satisfaction knowing that the place was nice and clean and would stay nice and clean....until Bubba came home. Oh well. happy(nonewsisgoodnews)shrink
Dear Happy, Here be the second addition of the park paper. THE CIRCLE K NEWS Well, the Reverend Al has come up with even a better new moneymaker than that mule. He has recorded a 3 hour sermon on a circle disk that goes in your computer or a disk player. It cost him 10 cents to make an' people is givin' him donations for it. Edna been playin' it an' she give him one of her 2 bits. 15 cents profit right there. The Circle K barber been playin' it all day for all his customers. He give the good Reverine a haircut for it. The Earl come home with one for my computer an' he give Al a six-pack for it. He'd a been pleedin' iffen he give him my gin. But his big money was from Jewitch. She buyed 175 of 'em. (with her first unemployment check from this unemployment go round) She give him 50 bucks. She put 'em up on her bathroom wall. It be just beeeutiful. Big Silver poka dots. Airbourne stole one. But all in all the Reverend is a happy man. Your reporter, Gind Rinker Dear Gind, Maybe it was Airbourne that the local newspaper was referring to as an ASS in Edna's last letter to me. happy(FunnyhowallASSESlookalike)shrink
Date: September 27, 2003
Happy, Do people ever get over DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) or is it something that hangs around for the rest of our lives. I am going through another one of my frustrating periods, and it really pisses me off to think that therapy is a never ending process, and that these little pieces of myself are going to be messing with me off and on for EVER. I am lucky that my husband has not abandoned me, and that my therapist is very patient. I want this to be over! I am so very sad that someone I called a friend has left me. Why does everyone leave? I have to learn not to like anyone very much, that way maybe they won't leave. At least, I wish they wouldn't. Tori Amos is coming to Tulsa, my therapist is going to see her, he gave me my first Tori Amos CD for Christmas. I really like her, and would like to go to the concert, but I don't do well in places with a lot of people. I am hoping that this to will get better. I miss you, and was quite anxious when you were ill. I am very relieved you are better. I don't know what to say sometimes Happy. I'm sure I don't say the right things, or I write stupid things, but I guess I just need to right now. I don't know what it is. I just need to say something, but I don't know what. Take care of yourself. I hurt and I'm sad. Methos Dear Methos, DID is a very challenging (for lack of a better word) disorder that usually does take quite a long for treatment to work. I came across a pretty good article which describe the condition as well as the course of the treatment. It might be helpful for both you and your therapist to take a look at it. It may help to assess where you are and where you need to proceed. To access this article, click here. I understand how losing a friend can be very painful and one way to ensure this from not recurring is to avoid making friends. The long term loneliness is more damaging and painful than the loss. You wouldn't want your kids to stop making friends even after they experienced rejection. Don't do that to yourself either. As far as saying the right or wrong things, nobody does that perfectly. It's not a crime to disagree with others, nor is it wrong to get pissed off. These are healthy behaviors when they are done in a secure and safe environment. I know that when you were growing up you were blamed for saying and doing the wrong things. That was not a safe environment. It's time to give yourself permission to make mistakes without feeling like a total failure. I guess the last issue that needs to be dealt with is me. My life has changed a lot over the past several years and there is no question that my time on the Internet and my time on this web page has been more limited. Activity on my web site has also decreased. I get a lot less letters; even from Edna and JeWitch. Things do change Methos. That is the only thing in life that we can be sure of. While the time I have to offer you and others have diminished, I still do care about you and I'm still rooting for you to slay the dragon. Keep trying and I promise to keep rooting even if you can't see me doing it. happy(1-2-3-4-WHO-R-WE-4-METHOS-METHOS-YAY-METHOS)shrink
Dear Happy, I took my youngest daughter Shania along with me to the barber shop where I was gettin' a haircut. She stood next to the barber chair, eating a snack cake while I was gettin' my haircut. The barber smiled at Shania and said, "You know, Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie." "I know," Shania replied. "And I'm gonna get boobs like my momma too." What the hell is Edna teachin her? Bubba Dear Bubba, I hope Edna is teaching little Shania not to share her twinkie with ANYBODY! happy(morehairontheyodelthanonthehead)shrink
Date: September 21, 2003
Dear
happyshrink, He called....knew he had a daughter and now wants to be an active part in her life. I asked him "why now"? he "didn't know". Everything I have done since I found out I was pregnant, has always been in the best interest of this child. She is a happy, well-rounded, straight "A", student council member, golf and basketball jock kind of kid, (she shot a 45 this summer). She has had a year of counseling just to help her deal with the fact her dad is not around. She has two uncles who are the male role models in her life. I am not involved with anyone, and won't be until she probably leaves for college. I do work full time at a very good job that allows us to live comfortably. The rest of my time is hers. Is it in her best interest for her to meet her father now? What would this do to the emotions of a child? She does not know he called. She recently bought him up in a conversation, as she does occasionally, so I asked her "what if your dad called someday and wanted to see you, what should I say?" She said she would like to meet him, however, she would like to do it after school was out for the summer, in case she would be sad, it would be easier for her when she wasn't in school, and also maybe she might need to be a little older. (swear to god these are her words) I do plan on asking him and his wife to meet me for coffee so I can read some body language, and try to get a better feel on "why now". My biggest fear is her being disappointed, or hurt so terribly if things don't go well, that everything this great kid has going for her could fall apart. I am all for her knowing her father, but if he starts out great guns, but slowly loses interest in the whole thing, he could wreck her world. Actions
speak louder than words to me. His disappearing act for 11 years spoke
volumes to me. What is the right thing for her? I have an open mind,
if I didn't I wouldn't be searching out answers. I have no animosity
towards him. (anymore) I am past that. My focus has always been on
her and always will be. I will tell him what she said and hope he
understands "not now". If he is that determined, I fear of him
taking matters in his own hands. (phone call, showing up at the
door)......then what? Dear jat, We all can agree that you need to do what is in your daughter's best interest. The question then becomes, what is in her best interest? I think that the first step is to meet with her biological father (I feel a need to call him that rather than just calling him her father) prior to him having any contact with your daughter. I think he needs to give you a better answer to the question, "why now?" Coming back into her life after not being there for her first 11 years does put her at some emotional risk and he needs to be prepared to do what is in your daughter's best interest just as you do. There are a few other questions he needs to answer prior to meeting your daughter. They are questions that she may likely ask him if they were to meet: Why didn't you try to contact me all these years? Why do you care now? What do you want from me? How do you expect me to trust you? I'm sure your daughter will have even more questions, and her biological father must be prepared to answer them in an honest and sensitive way if he really wants what is best for her. You also need to ask your daughter's biological father how he might feel if your daughter doesn't want to see him now. She may need some time to prepare for a meeting with him, and she may want to speak with a counselor first as well. I he willing to be patient and meet your daughter on her terms? That leaves me with my last suggestion. I would urge you to consult with an attorney to understand your rights as well as your daughter's rights in this matter. If it comes down to a legal issue, the courts will appoint an attorney (ad lidum) to represent your daughter's interest and make sure that her decisions are respected. In addition, you may also have some financial issues like 11 years of child support as well as future contributions. Perhaps your financial situation makes that less important but it would be nice for your daughter to have a good size college fund as well as other monetary securities. This is a very difficult situation jat and I can really empathize with your concerns. You sound like a great mom who will do the right things for your daughter even if they aren't the right things for you. Please let me know how things are going and update me on the situation. Good luck. happy(takesmorethanbiologytobeafather)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, We have been planning a trip to Disney World for months. My older son (9 and a half years old) was very excited to go. He checks his height constantly as he wants to be tall enough to ride the roller coasters. We are scheduled to leave next month, but now he tells me that he's been having nightmares that our flight will crash. I am at a loss. He has never had nightmares, and usually does not worry about anything. He has not come to me at night, or first thing in the morning, but just spoke to me when I got home last night. He even started crying. I have no idea what to say to him. All I could think of last night is to point out that he will be with me, and I fly for work all the time and it's fun and goes well, but I know that this was not the correct way to handle it. Please help. There is one other factor. On Sunday we were out to dinner with friends and I know he overheard my husband describing a nightmare he had (although it wasn't about flying) and our friends son is a child with a very morbid imagination who very often talks about dying, planes crashing and all sorts of other gruesome situations. I think this might not be about a nightmare, but him getting spooked by this kid and combining that with my husbands story. Either way this is a serious situation that I don't know how to handle. I don't want a much looked forward to vacation to turn into a traumatic experience for him. Thanks for your help. KE Dear KE, Fear of flying is a very common experience for children who are going on a plane for the first time. With all the media attention given to travel safety since 9/11, your son may have picked up his fears from radio, television, movies, and many other sources; not just from your friends son. Actually your response to him about your own travel wasn't that bad a response. You gave him an example of your own experiences and that's certainly can be helpful. I would suggest you continue to talk to him about his fears and show him that you care. Don't minimize them nor deny them. Be supportive and reassuring. Ask him if he would like to visit the airport before your trip. Perhaps you can call the airline and see if a flight attendant might be able to show him around and give him a tour. They used to do that for kids who were flying for the first time. They may still do it. It is certainly worth looking into. Remember KE, kids are not all that different than we are. We get anxious about doing something new or different too. There is a thin line between excitement and anxiety. You don't have to move your son's emotions that far to get him to see this trip as an adventure and not a problem. Good luck and let me know how you do. Have a great time and send my regards to Pluto. happy(inhisownmagickingdom)shrink
Dear Happy, You know the saying "all dressed up and no place to go ??" Well, Bubba finished his Halloween costume and I haven't been able to get him to take the damn thing off for days. In fact, the party has already begun and he says it will continue until the kids show up on Halloween .. He likes to hide in the bushes and steal their candy .. can't run very fast with his pants around his ankles.
·.·´¨ ¨)) -:¦:-
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Dear Edna, I had to make some modification on the picture of Bubba you sent me so that I could post it. The picture that you sent me of JeWitch and Reverend_Al could not be edited in a way that didn't make it horribly offensive to billions of people so I just left that one out. I don't want to discourage you from sending me these pictures but please remember that my website actually does reach a number of individuals who actually care about whether or not they are going to heaven or hell. happy(probablygoingtotheplacethatstartswithanHandendswithan.....)shrink
Date: September 20, 2003
Dear Happyshrink,
Sincerely, Harriet Dear Harriet, The fact that you wrote me this letter indicates that you have some concerns about this "obsession." Obsessions and even addictions are pretty much the norm in our society. Maybe just a minority of people have things like drug, alcohol and gambling addictions. If you add to that group cigarettes, caffeine, sugar, junk food, shopping and the Internet you might have almost everyone you know on that list. So the issue isn't whether or not your hero worship is normal as much as if it is healthy. Certainly, having someone you look up to and respect and enjoy communicating with is a positive thing. At what point do you think it becomes unhealthy? At what point do you think that the negative feelings outweigh the positive ones? I'm not copping out by asking you these questions Harriet. It's just that there is no way for me to tell you if you are in danger, headed for danger or at a safe distance. You do know the answer deep down though. Like most infatuations or obsessions, there is the period where everything about it feels good. The next phase can produce emerging feelings of frustration, anxiety, ambivalence, etc. Here is where you begin to question whether or not your feelings and behaviors are such a good thing. That's where you seem to be at Harriet. To get to the resolution phase you have to find the proper place for this person in your life. Perhaps you need a better awareness of all your life desires and how you are going to satisfy them. This is not an easy task Harriet. Good luck on your journey and please continue to write and tell me what you have discovered about yourself. happy(stilldiscoveringnewthingsinthatoldbrain)shrink
Methos responds to Retribution: Dear
Happy Dear Methos, Thank you
for your letter to Retribution. I hope it helps. I'm looking forward for
your next poem and also want to let you know how much I appreciate your
contributions to this web page over the years. Not just the poems, but the
letters that you have shared have been very meaningful to me and I'm sure
others. I know you are still struggling and perhaps that is all of our
fates until we die. I'm glad you are still fighting, struggling and most
important, loving. Keep up the good work even though you still have those
down days. happy(singthatTonyBennettsong)shrink
Dear Happy, I just want to give you some important information with regard to Leviticus:
Moses (Perplexed): I
don’t quite understand this line about boiling a calf in its mother’s
milk. What does it mean? God: It mean, don’t boil a calf in its mother’s milk. Moses: Oh, I see. It means we should wan an appropriate amount of time after eating flesh before we can intake of milk or any dairy product. But fish is o.k. since it doesn’t give milk. Moses: O.k., I think I got it all now. We should have a separate set of cooking and eating utensils for meat and dairy products. After partaking of meat we should wait an appropriate amount of time before we partake of any dairy products. Fish should not be considered as meat since it doesn’t give milk. Chicken, on the other hand, should be considered as meat even though it doesn’t produce milk since it tastes a lot like it does. JeWitch I beg to differ with you, but it was the Burger King that said, "Have it your way." happy(timetogetawhopper)shrink
Date: September 14, 2003
Dear Happyshrink, I'm a sophomore in college, and I suppose because I had such a hard time with making friends, I would always talk to myself, but usually only when alone in my room...recently, after starting this new school year, I have been doing it a lot more....when my family is home...and I've done it 2 or 3 times in public already...I don't hear voices at all...its just basically talking to myself, or nothingness.... I've also become somewhat more anxious, and also had some mood swings...the mood swings have been small...where I will just snap at someone quickly then apologize...I don't have bouts of sadness or anything like that...everyone says I am always really happy...I have always been a little more hyper and loud then everyone else...I have a pretty positive outlook...the only thing is that I tend to not think I am good enough for my boss or to my peers or to my teachers....and I worry about not being perfect like my classmates... I've also had a few moments of intensely thinking something bad was going to happen to me...once even while I was driving...and once in class just sitting there it all of a sudden just came to me...I'll get a little dry-mouthed and need a drink and my eyes will get blurry and I can feel my heart pounding, but nothing I would consider major....this also happened when I went for an upper GI in April and a few times at home... I've been a little more jumpy...afraid of the dark...and afraid of being by myself... At work a few times I kept thinking the other kids were talking about me...when I doubt they truthfully were because they are all so nice and we get along so well...i seem to be getting more stressed over small situations...and big things that happen haven't affected me as much as other people...for example, when September 11th happened...I almost felt no emotion...and I stopped watching the news... I really want to help people...I am going to school to be a social worker and I try to volunteer for things when I have time...I used to be really religious but I slowly stopped being so "into" it when I went away to school last year...and now I am slowly starting to get back to going to church and praying...I guess you could say I'm kinda getting back to normal after having a "vacation" from myself at school last year...not a lot happened....the 2nd semester i stopped doing my work and had some friend problems but nothing like what I went through in school before then...i just didn't really wanna do anything...but I felt myself progressively feel better and be more myself when I came home in April...and now it's like I took a step back... I also have always had a tendency to lie to people, especially when I first meet them...I don't know why, I just always have done it...I don't really exaggerate things that really do happen to me in reality....I make other, separate things up usually.... I like to consider myself as normal as other people...or at least I did until I started senior year...if you have any ideas about what is happening...I would love to hear them...I just don't think I am ready to go into therapy yet...my mother just wouldn't understand...but that's a completely different email...thank you for your time...I hope to hear from you soon... ~CR~ Dear ~CR~, I don't think that you suffer from anything serious, nor do I think that the few instances of talking to yourself in public is anything to worry about. I personally don't like to use the term normal when it comes to mental health because there are a lot of people who might meet the criteria of "normal" without meeting the criteria of "healthy." It sounds to me like you may suffer from some anxiety, particularly when it comes to dealing with change. You also have issues around self esteem which also may be related to anxiety. You want to please people and often that makes you anxious. Talking to yourself is a calming technique just like affirmations. If it helps to calm you and make you feel more secure, that can be a help to you. It's not the sign of someone unbalanced. Rather, it's the sign of someone trying to find their balance. Coming back home to familiar territory is somewhat of a comfort to you. Going back to church and doing old familiar things may feel good and I don't discourage you from doing them, but your life will have to move forward and that always means change. If you are going to become a social worker, that means more schooling and more challenges. If you are going to help others to take risks and be more self aware, you need to do the same for yourself. I know you think that starting therapy and your mother not understanding is another issue, but it sounds to me like the same. Therapy is scary and involves risk. You want to please your mother and you are afraid that going into therapy will in some way frighten or disappoint her. I don't know your mother and perhaps it will upset her, but you can't remain her little girl forever. It's important for your emotional need to be met and that means getting the help you need now. Don't wait for a better time ~CR~. Get the help you need now so you can get everything you want out of life. It won't get easier as time goes on. Take that step. You won't regret it. Please feel free to respond and update me on your progress. Good luck. happy(therapyisforwellnesstoo)shrink
Dear happy shrink, I have been suffering from anxiety, panic attacks and depression for the last several yrs., I have now over the last 2 1/2 yrs. developed agoraphobia. I have never been able to see a Dr. because when my agoraphobia began I was so ashamed and embarrassed and I didn't know what was wrong. I am now trying to seek help for my problems, but it is very difficult because it's seems like the only places that will accept my kind of insurance is a really big place with lots of people, in which I am terrified to confront and I know that if I make an appointment (which I have) that I am not going to go. I am just so feared to go to a place like this I just don't know what to do, I feel very stuck and confused. Please help me if you have any suggestions. thank you. TMP Dear TMP, I would strongly suggest that you begin by seeing your family physician and trying to get a psychiatric referral. Most insurance plans do have private psychiatrists in their network and may require a referral from your primary care physician. Even if you can get a referral to a smaller office, it may still cause you to feel anxious and afraid. Somehow you must find the strength to keep the appointment. Explain to your family doctor your symptoms. He/she may be willing to give you some medication that could ease your anxiety and enable you to keep your appointment. If there is a close friend or family member that can take you there and give you support, that could be helpful. I know that this is a difficult time for you TMP and there may not be an easy solution. Somehow you need to find the strength within yourself to get help. There are medications and treatments that can help you feel better but no one can do it for you. Good luck and please let me know your progress. happy(unfortunately,doesn'tmakehousecalls)shrink
Dear Happy, Being that it's Sunday and it's been a long time since I have given a Sunday sermon (I am still on suspension for BINGO fixing) I thought I would write up a sermon and you could put it on your web page. Thanks and God Bless. Reverend_Al A
professor stood before his Philosophy 101 class and had some items in
front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very
large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf
balls. He then
asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a
unanimous - - yes. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers. ************ Dear Reverend_Al, Once again you have come up with words of inspiration and hope. I hope the suspension gets lifted soon. Let me know when BINGO starts up again. happy(B-4...Whataboutafter?)shrink
Date: September 13, 2003
Someone writes to her inner child: Disgusting
inner child, Dear Retribution, When will you wake up and smell the roses? It's you everyone is tired of. You have been blaming your inner child for so long you don't even realize anymore that you are one and the same. I can't tell you how to stop hating and start loving. That's something you still have to find out all by yourself. Is there ever going to be an end to this hatred Retribution? All your inner child ever wanted was to be loved. It's not her fault that she was taken advantage of. Stop seeing the victim. Stop blaming the victim. Stop hating the victim. Stop being the victim. happy(stopping)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, My question is, can any Ephedra or caffeine type diet pills be taken if I am on Ativan for anxiety? I thank you and appreciate your time. E Dear E, There are many variables that you need to consider if you are taking any kind of diet pills, prescribed or over-the-counter. Your psychoactive medication is one of those factors and your physical condition is another. To best decide on whether or not a given diet pill or supplement is safe as well as good for you to use, I would consult with your family doctor who knows your full medical history. Some people on psychoactive medication can take diet pills but some can't. Your doctor will know what is best for you and if you are unsure, get another physical and a second opinion. Good luck. happy(unsurewithoutasecondopinion)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, A study by a professor at the University of Missouri shows that the type of facial features that a woman finds attractive can differ, depending upon where a woman is in her menstrual cycle. He is correct. For example: When
I was ovulating, I was attracted
to men with rugged and masculine features. When
I was menstruating and now
that I am menopausal, I am more
prone to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a
bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire . . . Dear JeWitch, Lucky for you, the men you are attracted to now are the men that are currently in your life. happy(hidingunderthebed)shrink
Date: September 7, 2003
Dear Happyshrink, My son is having some severe problems with depression. His doctor is giving him Zyprexa 5mg and 2 mg. of Clonazapam. He is so tired he cannot stay awake for more than three or 4 hours at a time. He drinks a lot of energy drinks and caffeine drinks to stay awake. I read where Clonazapam can cause depression and confusion. He has absolutely no energy and doesn't care about any daily or family functions. Can you give me some information on this? Thank you, Y**** Dear Y**** My first question to you is whether or not the doctor who is treating your son is a psychiatrist or just your family doctor. If he/she is not a psychiatrist, I would urge you to have your son see one so that an accurate diagnosis can be determined as well as an appropriate treatment plan. If your son's depression is as serious as you say, it should be diagnosed and treated by a specialist. The medications you have identified can be used to treat certain categories of major depression; however, I can't tell you if in fact these medications are right for him. Among the side effects of both Zyprexa and Clonazapam (aka Klonopin) are fatigue and drowsiness. Over a period of time these side effect lessen but there can be a long term reduction of one's energy levels. If these medications treat the depression effectively, then it may be worth having some fatigue. For most of these medications to start showing some improvements you need to wait about 2 to 4 weeks. If your son has been on these medications for less time than 4 weeks, you may want to wait and see. I would also suggest, even if your son's doctor is a psychiatrist, to get a second opinion. There are many forms of clinical depression and many treatment options. Do your best to make sure that your son's treatment is the best possible. Good luck and please update me on his progress. happy(neveratalossforsecondopinions)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I have a younger brother (35 years) who I suspect could be mentally ill in some way. He lived with my mother up until 2 years ago when she died suddenly. She dominated him, didn't allow him to make any decisions, did every thing for him, to extremes, and caused us all to worry about the situation even when she was alive. Since she has died he has gradually gone down hill, he doesn't clean anything up at all, his flat stinks, he smells awful, he is in a state of complete neglect, my other brother and his girlfriend who live near try to do what they can, but he won't let them in the house most of the time. He has lost his job through not bothering to turn up, he has a stomach complaint which he refuses to have sorted out, lies about having been to the doctor, his teeth are rotten, will not go to the dentist, or pretends to us he has been. He has my mothers dog which I suspect is very rarely taken out and he won't part with, but won't take to the vet when it is clear it needs attention. We don't know what to do, I live about 300 miles away My brother and his girl friend want to sort it out but don't know how to, do you think that he could be mentally ill in some way and if so how do we get him some help? because he won't do anything. I think this is more than being lazy it is beyond normal. We have tried to speak to him but he tries to get away and then won't answer the door or the telephone for weeks. The state his flat is in we are worried about the possibility of him being evicted. Anon Dear Anon, Your brother does sound like he is disturbed and perhaps that is why he lived with you mother rather than move out once he became an adult. It is also possible that your mother's domination also contributed to his being the way he is but that's of little consequence right now. I have a few suggestions: First, I would attempt a family intervention with all your immediate family members going to your brother's house and confronting him about his deterioration and need for help. If all of you meet with him together, it may have a greater impact than the separate contacts he has with you and your other brother. It may not work but I think that you need to try. Second, I would contact Adult Protective Services and/or the Office of Mental Health in your brother's community. They may go by other names but their function is to find individuals who are "at risk" in the community and get them the help they need. In some cases they can even go to court and have mandated intervention. You brother's resistance to voluntary help may require such a mandate. I do want to caution you that these agencies only take legal action in extreme cases. Third, I would file a neglect report with the SPCA (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) in your brother's area. Not only can it get his dog the care it needs but alert local social service agencies that your brother may need some help as well. It may also serve to demonstrate your brother's need for mandated supervision. Those are the things you can do. What you can't do is make your brother healthy or even get him to accept help. Most of what needs to be done is up to him. I wish you luck and please keep me up to date with your progress. happy(gettingsupervisedtohurryandfinishthiswebpage)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Did you hear what happened to JeWitch and Edna? They have been permanently banned from the Macy's Department Store here in Orlando. Now, I was wondering what they were doing in Macy's to begin with since Edna's only income these days is the welfare checks and JeWitch is still out of a job (heard all that while I was re-painting the new fence under her kitchen window last week). Anyway, she was telling that man-friend-whatever he is that Edna had her kids buy some gum with the food stamps so she could have some cash to get a scratch off lottery ticket. Well, it seems that she actually won $25.00 and wanted to go shopping in a "fancy" store. So she and JeWitch headed over to Macy's and started looking around. Ok, the story gets a little fuzzy from here because when JeWitch gets mad about something she starts throwing pots and pans around the kitchen and it makes it hard to understand but I'll try to tell you the best I can. (oh, I'll have to come back - Gilbert needs another suppository for his hemroids). Ok, so JeWitch and Edna go into Macy's and Edna says that she wants a bottle of perfume on account of they shut off the water to her trailer until she catches up on the bill. She says she's tired of the smell and needs something strong to cover it up. Anyway, they go over to the perfume counter and start sniffing at this one and that one and finally JeWitch finds something that is pretty strong and shows it to Edna. "What's 'Viens a moi'?" Edna asks. "Dunno," JeWitch replies. But they decided it smelled pretty good and it was cheap enough. So as they were checking out, they asked the clerk, who said, "'Viens a moi', ladies, is French for 'come to me. "NO SHIT!" Edna shouts. "It don't smell like come to me! Does it smell like come to you?" and then, in true JeWitch fashion, she made some loud comment and that led to security, etc, etc. I'm sure I don't even have to tell you the rest. I guess it's back to Wal-Mart for the two of them. I wonder if they got a refund? Sincerely, Mildred Thigpen Dear Mildred, You mean to tell me they still let Edna and JeWitch in Wal-Mart? Let's just hope they don't try to cover up Bubba's smell by purchasing some "Aqua Vulva." happy(PPPPPUUUU)shrink
Date: September 6, 2003
Dear Happy, I am writing you to find out if there is a term for people who have subdued emotions, who don't feel things as strongly as other people. You see, I am aware of my emotions but, never overpowered by them. My emotions have never been strong enough to drive my actions. Does this have a name and do we know what causes it. I have known people who repressed their feelings but that is not me. In fact, I try to nourish the feelings I have. I just don't feel emotions that strongly. There are some problems with this, but I actually feel fortunate to be this way. I wonder if this is an identified condition, and if other people are having the same experience. Sincerely, JY Dear JY, There are a number of psychiatric disorders that have subdued emotions as a symptom. Various types of clinical depression may show itself as having muted or subdued affect. There are several personality disorders that may also display these characteristics. I hesitate to mention more conditions because there are too many people that self diagnose and usually they are wrong. What is important here is why it occurs and if it is a problem. Culture and family history may have a lot to do with how we show our feelings. In some cultures as in some families, it is not a good thing to be emotional. In other families and cultures, it is encouraged. Sometimes traumatic experiences may cause us to avoid or repress our emotions for fear of reliving an unpleasant event. We often learn to display our emotions by viewing others and how they show their emotions. Many factors may go into how our unique personalities develop. It is important to note that "healthy" (I prefer that term to normal) people have a wide range of sensitivity and emotionality. If your subdued emotions do not interfere with your ability to make friends, have meaningful relationships and enjoy a happy if not ecstatic life, then I would say you fall into the healthy category. If you do feel that these subdued emotions cause some problems in your life, I would suggest you consider seeing a psychotherapist to explore why you are having these problems. I hope my answer is helpful and please feel free to respond. happy(butnotoverjoyed)shrink
Dear Happy,
I been tryin' ta housebreak Harley, her bein' 2 now, and shornuff she starts lookin' like she be gittin' ready to poop her pants. The Earl an' me, not bein' rich, has only 1 bathroom. I goes runnin' in with her an' The Earl is in the shower mastra......misturb.......jackin' off. Now, I asks him, "why ya needin' ta do that?" "Ain't you gittin' enuff?" He says, "It ain't bout gittin' enuff, it be about nature." He says, "The length of a man's arms fit just right for playin' with little Earl." I was thinkin', imaginin' an' wonderin' , why you think nature made a zoo ape's arms longer than The Earl's? Gind Rinker Dear Gind, I was "thinkin" too. Why is it so important to housebreak Harley? Don't you think it would be better to housebreak the Earl first? There would be a whole lot less poop to clean up than if you housebroke Harley. Just a thought. happy(armsaslongasapes)shrink Back to "Ask Happyshrink" Home Page Back to most current postings
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