Postings from August 1-31, 2003
Date: August 30 & 31, 2003
Dear Happy: Do you have any advice on how to professionally ask a coworker to try to control his excessive flatulence, throat clearing, phlegm regurgitation, open-mouthed burps, offensive body odor, whispering- and talking-to-himself, high-pitched, loud sneezing, nose-honking, high-pitched humming and singing, and breast-staring,? On some days, he makes a noise about every ten-to-fifteen seconds. This man is 52 years old, a life-long bachelor, and we coworkers believe he has got to have some kind of mental problem - whether it is Obsessive-Compulsive Personality, or mental/physical effects of childhood radiation (we don't know if he ever had cancer), or autism, or a brain injury. (In addition to his noise-making, he walks with a heavy, lumbering, very slow gait, sometimes circling around as he walks, staring up at the sky.) Nevertheless, we would like to SOMEHOW communicate, in a nice way, that his noises disturb us while we work in our cubicles. (Our office is very quiet as most of our work is comprised of working on our computers. We are all engineers.) A coworker spoke to him gently and privately about his noise-making three years ago, but he did not clean up his behavior. This man is not stupid - he has a Master's in Civil Engineering and an Baccalaureate in Meteorology. But he has the manners of a three-year-old. Please help! Thank you. Cranky Cubicle Coworkers Dear Cranky Cubicle Coworkers, You have identified 13 separate offensive behaviors that this individual exhibits on a regular basis. If it were just one or two, perhaps a tactful discussion with one of his peers might work. But given the extent of his inappropriateness, I would suggest that a joint letter to your Personnel or Human Resources Director is in order. While this man may in fact suffer from some kind of developmental or cognitive disorder and people with disabilities need to be respected and valued, that does not justify the adverse work environment that has been created. The management of your company needs to deal with this issue. If they refuse to, it might be time for some of you to look for another job. Hopefully it won't come to that, but no company can afford to lose good people because one person can not maintain their personal hygiene or be well mannered. His staring at women's breasts might be construed as sexual harassment and that should also be highlighted to your Personnel or Human Resource Director. Don't just complain among yourselves about this Cranky Cubicle Coworkers. Do what you need to do to get some results. Please write me back and let me know what happens. happy(triestopasshisgasinprivate)shrink
Dear Happy Shrink, One of my problems is that I tend to choose friendships (both romantic and non-romantic) with people that aren't very emotionally available. My therapist says that I am recreating what I know, i.e. my parents weren't available. But I am more interested in what to do about it. Distant people hook me and I spend inordinate amounts of time thinking about, planning for, scheming at how to make them closer. I want more mutual friendships and feel really lost with how to go about finding them. Can you give me some suggestions? By the way, I have been reading your column for several years now. The gentle humor has pulled me through some hard times. Please continue. Thanks, Sassyfrassy Dear Sassyfrassy, First let me thank you for your kind and encouraging words. It really means a lot to me to know that people do read my advice column and that it has helped people either by the advice they received or by making them laugh. Both are equally important to me. Your question is a good one. The people who you choose to be friends with are often a reflection of you own sense of unworthiness. If you felt better about yourself you would be more likely to engage people who also feel better about themselves. People who are emotionally unavailable are usually too narcissistic or too threatened by their own feelings to share them with others. Ironically, being emotional and sensitive are considered weaknesses while the "strong silent types" are the real "he-men." This myth is still perpetuated on TV and in movies. I can't tell you how to choose the right kinds of friends and relationships but it might be worth while to look at what attracted you to the unavailable people in your life that you have hooked up with. That may be a good thing to explore in your therapy. Beyond that I suggest the following: 1- Find new people with diverse interests who don't fit into the same categories that seem comfortable or familiar. 2- Develop ways to feel better about yourself and build self esteem. The better you feel about yourself, the more you will expect from others. This is easier said than done but you have your whole life to accomplish this. 3- When you find yourself in relationships with people who can't or won't give of themselves, find ways to end those relationships and move on. You can't always blame yourself for hooking up with an unavailable person, but once you discover it, cut your losses. That's my advice Sassyfrassy. Please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing. happy(adviceisalwaysavailable)shrink
Dear Happy, I was wondering where the heck St.Theresa has been and what she has been doing. You would think that now and then she would send an email to an OLD FRIEND ... but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!! She doesn't .. For a while my feelings were hurt .. but not anymore .. I see she has some NEW FRIENDS now ... but still ... I would like an email every now and then, if nothing else but to say "hi." JeWitch
Dear JeWitch, When I saw the picture of St. Theresa and her new friends, I would both saddened as well as disgusted. I expected more of my old friend. I expected that she would be drinking Heineken's and not Budweisers. happy(dominiqua..niqua..niqua...)shrink
Date: August 24, 2003
Dear EM, If you are over 21 years of age and not in school, your parents do not have a legal obligation to pay for your medical expenses or institutionalization if such a need arises. In order to get into a state psychiatric institution on a long term basis or permanently, you have to do something pretty awful and I am glad that you are morally opposed to doing such a thing. Whatever your preconceived notion of what an institution is like, please believe me when I tell you that it's no picnic. Most of them are prisons without (and some even with) bars. You are free to associate with other patients, many of which don't have the moral opposition to violence or sexual abuse. Forget about privacy or private rooms and forget about any chance of getting healthier at such a facility. The main goal at a long term institution is to keep you and the other patients under control. Sometimes they succeed and sometimes they don't. Is that the "stress free" living you want? I don't think so. So maybe you have to reconsider medication. Clinical depression can be an awful thing to experience and in many cases such as yours, medications can only do so much. Life is difficult even when you are not clinically depressed. But consider the fact that you were probably doing a hell of a lot better when you were taking medication than your are currently doing. Right now you are off of meds and you are more depressed than ever. That should tell you something. I don't have a magic answer for you EM but I would suggest you go back into treatment. There are many meds out there and sometimes it takes a while to find out which one or combination is best for you. New meds are coming out every year and one of them might be the one to turn things around for you. Don't give up on yourself and don't give up on people who can help you. That's the best recommendation I can give you EM. Please feel free to write me again. happy(hasseenmiracles)shrink
Flying Wombat replies: (See July 26-27) Dear Happy, I do have a lawyer now who is trying to help me get back into uni, but this situation is making me really really unhappy. If I don't make it back in in the fall, my health insurance is going to run out since it'll be more than 6 months of not being in school. My parents have no intentions of supporting me or paying for college or anything, which is making me really nervous about my future, along with the fact that it looks like the uni doesn't really want to ever let me back in, let alone giving me financial aid. I guess I could transfer, but this was my dream school and I don't want to live the rest of my life feeling like my dreams were taken away from me, that's just too much. So now I'm stuck doing mandatory therapy, when I don't even really believe in therapy after a series of crap therapists. And who really wants to take on a patient who is only coming in because it's mandatory? The therapists ask me the same tired questions that I am tired of answering, they all seem so very distant and cold, clinical. And it upsets me more because it's just another fake relationship where they're supposed to help me but don't, where I can't even speak my objections because they'll kick me out and I'll never find a therapist or be able to return to school. Because it's not my choice anymore, and I have to fit into their boxes to be able to get an education, and I am being punished for having emotional pain in the first place. I am very unhappy about this all. What should I do? Thanks, Flying Wombat Dear Flying Wombat, You did not give me any details of the circumstances that led to your overdosing in school. I don't know if this was a suicide attempt, a substance abuse problem or some other situation. Whatever the circumstances, you can't just make believe it's no big deal or that you are just a victim here. You have some kind of problem and it needs to be treated. If you don't believe in psychotherapy, what do you believe in? Do you take any responsibility for your being in the situation you are in? You say your parents have no intention of paying for your college or supporting you. Is there more to that story as well? If you want real help Flying Wombat you need to take more responsibility for the situation you are in. And as far as choices are concerned, you are making the choice to not give therapy a chance. You are making the choice of playing "the game." All I can say to you is that it's a game you will lose either by playing it too well or not well enough. Get some real help Flying Wombat. Then go over your options. There are no perfect scenarios. Life is about making a series of imperfect choices that somehow work out for the best. That's my hope for you. Please let me know what you think. happy(stillmakingchoices;somegood;somenotsogood)shrink
Dear Happy, I decided to take an aerobics class ... I jumped and twisted and gyrated up and down for an hour, but by the time I got my leotard on ... the class was over .. DAMMIT !!! JeWitch Dear JeWitch, I came across the following cartoon that seems to epitomize your life:
At least now you are trying to get out of bed and to an aerobics class. Maybe it's also time to ditch the leotard a get some sweat pants. happy(goingbacktobed)shrink
Date: August 23, 2003
Dear Happyshrink, My name is S*** I believe my wife of 11 years is going insane. She has an infatuation with cops. She has went as far as sending nude photos of herself to one that I know of, maybe more. She is constantly on the net chatting with cops. Local cops, distant cops, no matter. She had recently abandoned myself and her children for 7 months. Her infatuation with cops has almost entirely destroyed our family. What can I do? I have offered to go to counseling with her. She won't stop! She says she loves me most of the time; other times she hates me. I don't get it.....she says she would never have sex with one. All the time she was gone she came over to our house for sex with me. She is terrified of AIDS. I really need some help with this. My kids are suffering terribly. thank you. S*** Dear S*** If your wife has abandoned you and your kids and she refused family counseling, there is not much you can do to make her stop these behaviors. While these behaviors are disturbing and demonstrate a lack of commitment to her family, I wouldn't characterize your wife as insane. While she may be troubled and perhaps obsessed with police officers, she's not posing a physical threat to herself or others even though her behavior is damaging to you and your kids. It just may be time to consider divorce S***. It's certainly something you need to discuss with her as an option. She has the right to pursue another lifestyle if that's what she really wants but she can't have it both ways. She also has an obligation to her children that also needs to be worked out. If she won't go with you for counseling, perhaps she will respond to your seeing an attorney. I realize from the tone of your letter that you would like your wife to come back to you and divorce many not be something you want to consider right now. If your wife is not willing to change though, you may not have any other choice. Please feel free to write me again to let me know what's going on as well as sharing more of your thoughts. Good luck. happy(forsomepeopletoomuchisneverenough)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I Just
found your site so I thought to myself, well, I just had a weird dream so
let me let happyshrink have a shot at it. First of all, I'll give
you a short intro to help you along. I was laid off of my job after
25 years about nine months ago and haven't been able to find a comparable
job yet. Therefore, I am forced to sell my house I've lived in for
the past 20 years since I can no longer afford payments. An old high
school boyfriend, who I also dated at age 20 and again at age 38 and again
at age 42/43 (I'm 45) has offered to let me move in with him and finish my
college degree and work on some of my health issues with no stress from my
kids or anyone else. He wants to see once and for all if we are meant to
be together and he says that we need to do this because it's too hard to
do like we've been doing by living 600 miles away from each other.
I've only lived away from my family and friends once for about a year, but
I was only 30 miles away then. The rest of my life I've spent in the
same town I was brought up in (pop 25,000). I'm now going to move
600 miles away in a city (pop 400,000). I'm really excited to go and
have a stress free life for a while and to find out if we, in fact, do
belong together, and then I had this dream. Please tell me why you
think I dreamed this. Here goes: Dear Raven4aReview, Your background information helps quite a bit in figuring out this dream. Where did you get the idea that moving to a new city to move in with a man you have never lived with will be a stress free life? Perhaps your financial worries will be diminished, but clearly you have some issues about whether or not this is the right move for you. And if it doesn't work out, do all the financial problems return as well? The dream can be interpreted as your struggling with the past (an old boy friend) who somehow will be judging your future. Perhaps there are forces in your life that don't want you to move away from home and perhaps these forces have always been telling you what is right for you. In the dream you become furious and burn down your house. This could be symbolic of your wanting to erase your past and start anew. It's your way breaking away from your past. Perhaps what you would really like to do is just be on your own for awhile and find out about who you really are. Finding "Indians" who will hide you and take care of you may be your path to feeling more secure but right now, life sounds like a lonely and scary place. That's my take on your dream. Please let me know what you think. Good luck. happy(don'tplaywithmatches)shrink
Happyshrink, Long time eh ??? Listen, was remembering some childhood memories the other day, wanted to share them with you. I will start with this one first. We didn't have no mall to hang out at like kids do now a days .. so we just hung out at the lumber store. There were no actual girls that hung out there so we had to pretend that those knotted pine planks were beautiful ladies. Sometimes late at night, I still think about this cute 2 by 4 named Carol who I could never get up the nerve to talk to. What do you think I should do about it ?? Is this something I should share with Edna ?? Bubba Dear Bubba, I would do everything in your power to find that 2 by 4 named Carol. It sounds like she might have been your true soul mate all along. Even though you always talk about Edna being "dumb as wood," why not enjoy the real thing? Edna's been faking her stupidity for years. A good 2 by 4 is the real deal and Carol won't complain about you coming home drunk every Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, Monday, Thursday and Sunday nights! happy(NatalieWoodwhywon'tyou?)shrink
Date: August 9 & 10, 2003
Happy, Dear Methos, It is common and actually healthy to experience your therapist as a parent figure. It is what is known as transference. And yes; the therapist attempts in some ways to be the good parent and give you the support and caring that you didn't get from your biological parent. Of course no therapist can make up for years of deprivation. What the therapist does try to do is give you the tools to build your own self esteem. It's not an easy process and the time it takes for this to happen can vary from person to person depending on many factors. I know your process has taken a long time and has also been frustrating. I can't give you a timeframe as to when you will develop an internalized parent that nurtures your inner child but I do have a suggestion. Perhaps you can try and send that inner child some positive messages through your poetry. While I have always found your poetry to be profound and meaningful, many times it expresses frustration and hopelessness. While it may assist the grieving process, I'm not so sure it does that much for the healing process. If you were the parent of a grieving child what would you want to say to that child? Could you say it in a poem? Give it a try. You have nothing to lose and of course I will post it. Let me know what you think. happy(stillworkingonhisinnerchild)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I was married 3 years. He was single for 20 years. I was single for 10. All of a sudden he moved out said he wanted to be by himself did not want any body in his life. His mother passed away the previous year. He withdrew from me. He said he was just not happy unless he is by himself. We dated 4 years before we married he seamed happy. I don't know what happened. We are divorced now he still calls everyday and tells people we will probably be back together one day. Please help. I do not know what is going on with him. He is 52. He had also lost all desire for sex. It is not another woman or a man I'm sure. He works everyday, goes home to his apartment, doesn't talk to his friends or wants to be around anybody. please help. Thank you J Dear J, When you are asking for help, I'm not sure whether it's for you or your ex-husband. I don't really know why he doesn't want people in his life but I'm more curious why you want him in your life. He left you. He had not shown you any physical affection before he left. And you let him call you every day? The behavior that I don't understand is yours. Why are you continuing to let him in your life when all he does is take from you without giving back. Does his saying to other people that he will probably be back together we you again mean that much? If he does go back to you, what assurances do you have that he won't leave you again when he feels like it? Perhaps it's time to move on from this relationship J. I don't think you do yourself any good accepting his phone calls. I think you need to meet another person who can give to you as well as take from you. I know that prospect can be scary but it's time to close this chapter in your life and start a new one. Think about it and please write me back. happy(movingon)shrink
Dear Happy, I were cookin' greens an' cornbread an' Momma come in an' says she would be makin' gravy from the bacon grease. She taught me to use bacon in my greens. Then she says "The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach." Well, that don't line up with what JeWitch says. JeWitch says, "The best way to a man's heart is with a 8 inch carvin' knife." I don't understand either one of 'em, I was just cookin' supper. Gind Rinker Dear Gind, If you ever ate JeWitch's cooking you would understand that an 8 inch carving knife is much more humane. happy(justlosthisappetite)shrink
Date: August 3, 2003
Hey happy man, It's me again. I haven't written to you in a while because I've been pretty cool but shits starting to hit the fan again. I am very confused and disturbed as of late because I think I'm dying. I've always had problems with OCD and anxiety and things but its getting more and more intense. I've developed this bad case of hypochondria, but you see, even as I say this a part of me is still thinking I am in denial of all my illnesses and I am just pretending to have hypochondria. I've had it for a while on and off but I have tried to keep it cool and stay in control. But a few weeks ago I had a severe panic attack. I went white and started shaking and breathing really fast and my heart was beating and I was terrified. I called an ambulance! They told me I was fine. I felt like a moron. but these "fits" have happened many times since (maybe 5?). I've been doing research, and some of the symptoms that I experience during the fits seem to indicate some kind of blood problem, maybe diabetes or just low blood pressure or a heart murmur or something. It may very well be some kind of anxiety attack. But this is taking into consideration the fact that whenever I have a headache I think I have a brain tumor. And when we were studying STDs in health class I convinced myself I have aids (even though I'm a virgin and have never done heroin). It's all just screwing with me and I feel like I'm losing control over myself and succumbing to paranoia and panic. It's very unsettling. I think there's something wrong with me, though physical or emotional I cannot tell. I'm scared to go to the doctor in case I am crazy but I'm scared not to in case I do have some deathly illness that should be treated immediately. Also during theses fits I have noticed that my veins disappear almost completely (it usually happens when I'm cold). so I just try to get warm and drink water and stay calm. But the biggest and scariest part of the fits is that my skin feels REALLY weird. I can't even describe it but it doesn't feel normal. It feels almost staticy and I can't tell whether I'm imagining it or not. I'm just incredibly stressed out and all this is constantly running through my mind. I'm scared that I'm gonna die and I'm scared because I'm only 15 and there isn't one person in my family (on both maternal and paternal sides) who doesn't have some sort of chemical imbalance or another. My dad is bipolar and an alcoholic, my mother suffers from depression and anxiety, my grandmother has frequent panic attacks, yadda yadda, the list goes on. I feel like I should check in with a therapist every other year or so just like a regular doctor check-up just because I am at risk. But I really don't want to go to a therapist. It seems dumb. I'd rather just skip all the small talk and get a cat scan or something. And of course I've discussed these fits with my mother and she came and got me from my friends house when I called the ambulance but she doesn't take me seriously. She just brushes it aside. She makes me feel stupid. The idea of telling her to bring me to get my head checked makes me want to vomit. I know she'd be concerned but then she'd just forget about it. I hate her. There aren't any adults that I'm close to. I just want to deal with this by myself like I've been doing for all my life. I want to get it under my control. I just want to find out for sure whether it's in my head or whether I am sick. So shed some insight, if you please. I would much appreciate it. Many thanks franny Dear franny, It is good to hear from you again even though things aren't going so well for you right now. With all the problems that the adults in your life have themselves, it is probably hard for them to see you as needing their help. I can certainly understand why you resent them and have difficulty communicating with them. You are a very bright and perceptive young lady and your own assessment of being somewhat OCD sounds consistent with your having panic attacks and fearing that you suffer from a medical condition. I am not a medical doctor and I can not say for sure that your symptoms do not have a physical component. I would suggest you get a complete physical exam including blood work to be assured that you are healthy. If in fact you do suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), this will not be something that you can just fix all by yourself. You will need to be in the care of a psychiatrist and perhaps see a therapist as well. There are things out there that can help you if you do suffer from OCD accompanied by panic attacks, but you must get this help from mental health professionals franny. I know it's hard for you to trust. I can remember back to the first couple of letters you sent me. They were more challenges than calls for help. At this point I think you do trust me (at least a little bit) but there was a process that involved my respecting what you had to say and giving you some insights that were helpful. I am glad you now do value my insight enough to ask for it, but that isn't going to be enough to help you manage your condition. For that you need to see someone face to face and on a regular basis. You may not trust this person initially and sometimes it may feel more frustrating than helpful. But if you stick with it franny, I believe you can really be helped by seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist. I know you don't feel very lucky right now having two parents with a boatload of their own problems, but you have been blessed with intelligence, sensitivity (yes, sensitivity is a strength and not a weekness) and insight. Now more than ever franny, you need to use these resources but with professional help as well. I hope you continue to write me but that isn't enough. Get the help you need so you can be the person you want to be. happy(believesinfranny)shrink
Hi Happyshrink! I'm happy to see that you are still here! You are doing so much for so many people. I wrote to you a couple of times back in March 2000...."Stuck in a Lonely Hole" Since following your advice to get a referral to a psychiatrist re: anxiety and/or depression, my life has changed totally! I was on Paxil and Wellbutrin for 3 years and am now on Lexapro. Now I know why some people say "life is a gift to be enjoyed".... I had never particularly enjoyed being alive...just tried and tried to fake enjoying it at times, but never really could. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder / "classic symptoms of seratonin imbalance," so no amount of talk therapy was able to do it for me. Now I enjoy being with people, getting to know people, have more patience with myself and others, am much more open to what life offers! :-)) I'm so grateful that we now have the medication to deal with this problem that caused me so much pain. Thank you for your work all these years. Blessings to you! Linda Dear Linda, Thank you so much for your kind words. My motivation for having a non-commercial web site that does not try to make money has always been that it will enable me to make the world a little bit better. It is very gratifying to know that my advice to you was helpful and that it made a difference. Most often, I don't get responses from people who write to me. I can only hope that they are getting the help they need and working through their problems. Getting a letter like this Linda helps me to continue this web page through six years of changes in my own life. Thank you again. happy(lookingaheadtoanothersixyears)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Can you suggest any information such as a book or website that will help me understand what one goes through as a recovering addict?? I have recently started dating this very special person that is 8 months into heroin addiction recovery. Never being an addict of any kind, I really would like to try to be as well informed as I can be. I have read all the NA and AA information/books. Any help will be greatly appreciated. Thank you. K Dear K, As someone close to a recovering addict, it may be helpful for you to check out the Al-Anon/Alateen website (click here). This site may not have a lot of information that you might be looking for, but it has people and support groups that may be even more helpful to you. It is very often recommended that someone who is in early recovery for an addiction, not get involved in a relationship for at least a year or so. I can't judge your situation, but I can share with you that your friend (like anyone in early recovery) is still at very high risk to relapse. Your education needs to include identifying the signs of relapse and also knowing what to do if it happens. You also need to look at your own needs and how this relationship fits into them. Al-Anon may be helpful in giving you some insight into yourself as well as your friend. As far as other web sites about addiction, there are many. My favorite is the Addiction Recovery Guide (click here). It has good information and it is linked with a number of other good resources. I'm sure that if you surf the net, you will find others that are helpful as well. Good luck with your friend and please let me know how you both are doing. happy(goslowlyandcarefully)shrink
Dear Happy, We have FINALLY finished celebrating the 4th of July. I am still having trouble making complete sentences .. but when that part of my brain is working again, I will tell you all about the party .. meanwhile, here is a picture of Clyde. He looks happy, doesn't he ?? 
JeWitch Dear JeWitch, If all of you and your friends were passing the pipe around, I can see how it may have taken you 4 weeks to finish celebrating. Or is it 2 weeks of celebrating and 2 weeks of regaining consciousness? happy(onetokeovertheline)shrink
Date: August 2, 2003
Dear Happyshrink, The HMO sends me a mental health newsletter every month. In the most recent issue there was an article about the stigma of depression. This article stated that people with depression should not view their illness as something to be ashamed of: depression is an illness like diabetes or high blood pressure. If this is the case, then how come my HMO has a special department that's sole purpose is to make sure that each members mental health visits are limited to 18 per year (plus 2 for med review), and those 20 per year are doled out five or six at a time, with reams of paperwork required prior each reauthorization? There is no limit to how often I see my doctor for my diabetes; I just call and they make me an appointment. Sincerely, Judi(stillwaitingforauthorization)blueye Dear Judi, It is quite obvious that the editor of the HMO newsletter and the HMO's authorization department have different priorities. While the idea of cost containment in the health care business is a reasonable one, clearly the trend has been to put cost considerations above the quality of care one receives. Last December, as you know I was very sick and needed emergency surgery. The surgeon still hasn't been paid by my insurance provider. As far as mental health costs are concerned, it accounts for less than 2% of HMO payouts and yet it is given more restrictions and scrutinized well beyond any other procedures. That's the way it is and unless you have F*** you money, you have to live with it. I hope your authorization comes through soon Judi. I hope the doctors who saved my life get paid too. I hope that at some point our government takes health care out of the hands of private interest and provides fair and reasonable care for all of us. But don't hold your breath....now look whose depressed! happy(feelingtheneedtoseeashrink)shrink
Dear Happy Shrink, My name is K**** and I have had a problem for the past 11 years with being unhappy. No matter what happens I end up being mad or upset. I have been on every kind of anti-depression made and I am to the point that I give up on medicine to cure myself. I am always mean and I say hurtful things to the people who I care about the most. I don't want to be the person I am anymore. I can't live this way. I want to be happy and to see the happier things in life. I want to enjoy and want to wake up in the morning and look forward to the day. I just recently got married and I feel my marriage is going to end due to my disability of putting a smile on my face. I can't ever have a happy moment last because I end up getting angry about something. Everything irritates me! I need to change for the better and soon. Please help me. All I want is to be a normal person who doesn't have to try so hard to smile. I hope to hear from you soon. Your friend, K**** Dear K****, If you say you are unhappy all the time, how did you manage to get married recently? It seems to me that there had to be some positive feelings exchanged between you and your spouse that enabled this to happen. My point in bringing this up is not to accuse you of being dishonest or misrepresenting your condition, but pointing out to you that you have the capacity to be happy and even loving. You have stated that this state of unhappiness started 11 years ago and I'm wondering if there wasn't a precipitating factor or traumatic event. Are there any physical problems that could be causing you distress? If psycho-active medication doesn't seem to be effective, it is likely to me that you may have a personality disorder or perhaps suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as opposed to depression or mood problems. Depression and mood changes may be an outcome of this problem but treating these symptoms without treating the underlying causes doesn't really help you in the long run. I would urge you to see a therapist who specializes in PTSD and/or personality disorders. This process may take some time and may not always be pleasant. Change is one of the hardest things that we do and if you really want to change, I think that's going to mean a commitment to therapy. Get the help you need now K**** so that your can enjoy your marriage and enjoy your life. Please let me know what you think and keep me informed of your progress. Good luck. happy(puttingonahappyface)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, It's me. Mildred. JeWitch has really done it this time. Talk about your Mongolian cluster......well, you know what I mean. Let me tell you what happened. I was out staining the new 12-inch fence that I put underneath her kitchen window. The flowers died from over-watering. Go figure. Anyway, this fence is just the ticket. I've painted, scraped, and stained it 32 times in the last week. I should have thought of this years ago. Ok, so I'm underneath her kitchen window and her squeeze comes home and she starts shouting hysterically about some mix-up in birthday presents. It seems that her grandmother's birthday and Edna's are in the same week and she sent Edna's present to her grandmother. Her grandmother wore Edna's birthday present and was on her way to the cake judging at the fair when they took this picture (I just happened to be going through her garbage can at 3 am this morning. I, um, though that I might have dropped one of Gilbert's slippers into it by mistake). Anyway, she's crying and carrying on now because her grandpa has threatened to disown her. Says he and JeWitch's grandma will have to move. Well, I just had to send you the picture. If you didn't know what a colossal screw-up JeWitch was before now, you'll change your mind. Just look at what she did. And even worse.....Edna got the toaster cozy that JeWitch's grandmother was supposed to get! Edna doesn't even have a toaster!
You'd better say something to JeWitch. She's crying over the money, naturally. Maybe you can give her some tips on how to suck-up to her grandparents and get in their good graces again. And do it soon. When JeWitch is really upset she spends way too much time in her bedroom and then I can't hear a thing...um, not that I care to listen or anything, you understand. This is strictly for her benefit. Anyway, please look at this and you'll know what to say. Thank you. Sincerely, Mildred Thigpen Dear Mildred, Actually, Granny looks kinda cute in that outfit. It not like Edna doesn't look scary when she gets into those clothes. Hasn't the management banned her from the Dew Drop Inn? At least Granny had the good sense to ditch the tube top. Tell JeWitch's Grandpa that he's a lucky man and ought to appreciate Granny more. happy(YourasoldasyoufeelandIfeellikeI'm104)shrink Back to "Ask Happyshrink" Home Page Back to most current postings
|
