Postings from June 1 - 30, 2003
Date: June 28 & 29, 2003
Dear Happyshrink, I went in to see a shrink, just for 4-5 appointments... Reality check kind of a thing, no disorders. The guy is very neat, and I have a little crush on him now. I think he likes me a fair amount too, if I'm reading him right (I'm usually pretty good at reading people). And he keeps mentioning a lot of things we have in common. Next appointment is my last one. I kind of didn't really need therapy anyway. I'd like to se him socially, outside the office, as a friend for starters. There's a lot of stuff he can talk about, and I'd like to know a bit more about him. He likes our appointments, a lot, he said so.... I'm wondering if or how I could bring up that I'd like to meet him for lunch or coffee outside his office and just talk. Seems in the appointments we always want to talk about things that are not really a part of the therapy. especially this last appointment. The next appt. was really not necessary, we were wrapping things up, and he was asking me what I wanted to do, call him "as needed" or ... I said, let's have another appointment at the 'regular time' and I'll think a few things over. What I really wanted to say is, I'd like to see you and get to know you a little bit as a friend a regular guy, and not as a therapist. I'm worried that saying something like that would be out of line... and, well, I'd rather not hear a "no" so I'm starting to get discouraged from even asking. Any thoughts? Please? Reality Check Dear Reality Check, Once you enter into a therapeutic alliance with a psychotherapist, that therapist is bound to rules of ethical conduct. Dating a current or even former patient is one big no-no. Going into why that is might take up a lot of time but in a nutshell, the therapist takes on a role that makes him or her more appealing than they might be in other situations. Using that role for the purpose of developing intimacy with another person is an abuse of the therapeutic alliance. Despite the 4 or 5 sessions of reality check and not "feeling" like a person in therapy, you are a patient or client of a therapist. Unfortunately, there are therapists that break the rules, so I don't know what your therapist would say if you were to ask to see him socially. I would hope he would decline. He might actually find you interesting and attractive but that should not be a factor in his maintaining his code of ethics. As far as your being a patient, you aren't bound to a code of ethical conduct. You are bound to rules of civil law as anyone else so you can't harass him. You have the right to ask him out or express you feelings towards him. If he does reject you please understand that he's just being an ethical professional. If he doesn't reject you, shame on him! Those are my thoughts Reality Check. I don't know if it helps you to decide what to do, but then you asked for my thoughts and you got them. happy(lustedinmyheartbutremainedethical)shrink
Dear Happy, Statistically, on average I get a bad news (conflict/hurt/fail to achieve/disappointed/ distress/envy/seft-doubt/regret) every 2 days-during tough times, or 3 days-normal time. Multiply this for years and years you would understand how much my suffers are going to be, and how horrified I am. For example I am going to start graduate study in another city, straight from college (haven't worked/earned). The accommodation thing has become a nightmare, apart from sky-high rentals, after endless calls and mails I haven't got a hope of where to stay yet ! Another example that I am hungry but still have a lot of things to do, more so there's not any eatable food in the fridge for days. And I haven't got a cellmate, and there's not bright career prospect in the future, I am even not intelligent enough to finish this letter...people bully me...no one recognizes my talent...I can't get up early in the morning...no dummies come to buy my things yet...lonely...study is bad...hungry again... Dear Happy, should I contentedly leave this troubled world to reside in heaven (where both place and food are free), or being dumb enough to stay here just to wrestle with all the troubles and long-lasting fruitless efforts? Unenlightened Dear Unenlightened, I do not consider myself qualified to discuss the benefits of heaven but I can talk to you about life in our current world. Life is hard. It's hard for everyone. People with more money, people with less money, people who are smarter than you, people who are dumber than you, people who have accomplished more and people who have accomplished less. That's just the way it is. You fail at some challenges, you succeed at others. Even after you succeed at a challenge, there are always others in front of you and that's life until the day you die. So this journey you are on is not an easy one. I know; mine hasn't been a picnic either. But I have had the benefit to stop every now and then to smell the roses and realize that there are a lot of wonderful and blessed things right in front of me even when I don't always see them. I would guess that is true for you as well. The problem for you is, how do you allow yourself to see the good things in life and focus less on the bad stuff? I have one suggestion Unenlightened. I would urge you to get an evaluation by a psychiatrist. While I can't say for sure, there is a good chance that you are suffering from clinical depression or some other disorder. If you see a psychiatrist, you can be evaluated for both counseling and possibly medication. Before you decide to check out of this world, try to get a bit more enlightened. Life really is worth living but you have to work hard to make that happen. Get the help you need now Unenlightened so you can have a good life and a good journey. This is just an advice web site. You need some face to face help and you need it now. Good luck and let me know what you think. happy(stillonthatjourney)shrink
Dear Happy, I have finally come upon the perfect combination of luck an' xpertise for me an' Momma to become rich an' famous. Did you ever see them psykicks who tells people what their dead love ones is sayin' behind their backs? Well, I "pulled a fast one" traded The Earl's Harley for a old school bus whilst he was on a fishin' trip with DUI. Momma an' me painted the outside purple an' put "Momma's Mobile Sayances" on the side. I put our telephone number on the side too. I'm makin' Momma a big purple velvetty cape. We is gonna git rich talkin' to peoples' dead family. Now I knows what you be thinkin', what if the dead ghosts don't want ta talk ta Momma? Ha! no problem. Momma just says....I see a tall man.....I sees somethin' blue......There is some gold jewelry.....There is some ketchup........a child..... Peoples fill in the blanks an' hand you the money. We kin do fortunetellin' too. Let me see your palm. Put some money in it. Works like a charm. I watched 'em on TV. If we don't get a lotta work doin' this, we could do shrinkin' like you, only home delivery. Gind Rinker Dear Gind, If the John Edwards thing doesn't work out for you, the Dr. Phil thing could be a possibility. After all, you have more hair on your head than me and Dr. Phil put together. Hmmm..... I'm not really sure of the relevance of that but somehow my mind gets this way every time I read a letter from you or Edna. Of course, it's not as bad a state of mind as I am in when I get a letter from JeWitch. After that, I'm ready to open up a bottle of Manischewitz Extra Heavy Malaga. Wonder if DUI would enjoy that stuff?.... Nah! happy(getsnokickfromchapagne)shrink Since I'm away this weekend and have combined Saturday and Sunday, here is a bonus bit of humor compliments of Reverend Al: CHILDREN'S WORST BOOK TITLES
11.
When Mommy & Daddy don't Know the Answer, They Say God Did It 14.
Why Can't Mr. Fork & Mr. Electrical Outlet Be Friends? 20. Testing Homemade Parachutes with Your Household Pets 21.
The Hardy Boys, The Barbie Twins & the Vice Squad 25.
Start a Real Estate Empire from the Change in your Mommy's Purse 28. The Care Bears Maul Some Campers & Are Shot Dead 29. How To Become the Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School 30.
Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear
Date: June 22, 2003
Dear Happyshrink, I have 3 children from my previous marriage, this is my second marriage. My first marriage was abusive and destructive and my husband left me for another women. I had been divorced for 5 years before meeting my present husband ( John). Before I met him I began to suffer from severe panic attacks and loneliness. These times were extremely scarey for me, during this time is when I met John. He was a wonderful friend to me, he supported me through the attacks. He went to church with my kids, sister and my self every Sunday. After 6 months he told me he began to have stronger feelings for me, I did not have the same. He was sad but it did not affect our friendship. My kids aren't very trusting towards men because of their Dad. After a while the kids opened their hearts up to John and enjoyed the time he spent with us. I began to have feelings for him too, we began a relationship. After a while he proposed to me and we were married shortly after. Because of the abuse from his step-dad, he is very strongly against all forms of abuse against children, he helps out with programs against violence done to children. He is very sensitive and is not afraid to show his emotions ( like crying), he treats me with a lot of respect and loves to cuddle with me and shows me great respect. He treats my kids as if they were his own, they love him very much. We have been married for almost 2 years now, and my love has grown more and more strong for him. He had a traumatic childhood, his father left when he was 4, than was raised by an abusive controlling step-father. In middle and high school he was severely picked on by popular guys. One of those guys bullied him a lot, and he was very afraid of him. Than one day the same guy came over to his John's house since he lived across the street. This guy wanted to be John's friend as long as no one at school knew. After a month this same guy began to rape John at his home. John told his mother and his step-dad. They felt a lot shame and embarrassment so they all moved to Colorado and never brought the rape up again. The problem in our marriage begins here: Since we were married I knew John had a fetish for belly buttons, I thought it was odd but I accepted it. Until recently, It all started when I began to view the Internet files one day. I was deeply hurt to find many belly button porn sites that had been visited since before I met him. I confronted him with it and told how I felt. He begged for my forgiveness and started to explain it started as a child and that after the rape as a teenager his fetish became very perverted with porn . He said he had tried to control it and at times he said he did. He told me he would not look at porn again, and I believed him. Until 2 days ago when I went back to check the files to see if had stuck to his promise . What I found was very devastating , I thought I was going to go insane ! I had missed these files the first time I had checked. He had not only broke his promise to viewing belly button porn sites ,but searched the Internet for naked pictures of my very own sister to view her belly button, even though she would never had put pictures of her self on the Internet, she is a very modest person. It gets worse too, there were many many sites on necro porn, (women being stabbed in the belly) and women in bondage , some looked real too! I was so hurt and devastated, I cried and cried, than I left for a while. I couldn't tell anyone, because they would expect me to leave him and I can't. I prayed and prayed, then I confronted my husband about every thing I saw. He started crying, he fell to his knees and begged me not to leave him. I cried with him and asked him why? He cried as he said he didn't know why. I became angry and scolded him about necro porn . I told him how sickened I was at the fact he could get thrills off of fake dead bodies , and watching women getting stabbed in the belly, then wanting to see a picture of my sisters belly while she was naked. He cried out to God to forgive him and to help him. After a lot of crying and scolding him we sat down and decided to put a lock on porn sites, which was his idea. I know most wives might have left their husbands for the same acts. Please help me with your advice , I don't want to leave my husband , I see a good, positive, sensitive, and God loving side to him, who cares for me and the kids very much. Though I don't understand the dark fetish secretive side to him that he has always hidden. Does he have a sexual disorder? or is this just a fetish, that has gone out of control ? Sorry this letter was so long, I greatly thank you for your time and pray you respond back. Sincerely, K Dear K, It is not unusual for "most" men to surf the Internet looking for "pornography." That doesn't make someone, sick, perverted, obsessed, etc. As all sexual beings, we have desired and urges. The accessibility of pornography on the Internet in the privacy of your home makes it very alluring to many men. Fetishes too are not necessarily a psychological problem. They are only a problem if they become extremely obsessive or they conflict with the moral values of your spouse and family members. Your moral values may tell you it's wrong and I won't argue with morality. Everyone has their own viewpoint and I must respect yours. You and your husband must share similar views of right and wrong to be compatible. I do wonder though that if your moral values aren't a bit harsh and may be a result of things that happened in your own childhood. The "necro porn" is disturbing and so is his desire to see your sister naked. I'm not sure how he may have found such pictures though. Is there more to this than meets the eye? These things are troubling and they may be related to your husband's experiences of abuse and rape. You husband sounds like a decent man who treats you and your children well. I would urge him to seek counseling so he can work out some of the issues of his past. If his worst crime in life is looking at some naked belly buttons on the Internet, he's doing a lot better than 98% of the men I know. Help him to get the help he needs but also try to be understanding and compassionate. He has been that way for you. Good luck and please feel free to respond. happy(understandingandcompassionate)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Our daughter has been on Effexor for 14 months (112 mg) She is a sophomore in college and had a diagnosis of major depression. She is doing fine now, and has been for 7 months but would like to ease off her medicine as it makes her so tired. She has heard some stories of people having a terrible time with withdrawal problems and is afraid to try it though her psychiatrist said she could go to 75 and then to 37 slowly of course over a period of time. Do you know many people who have
successfully come off this drug? If she remains on it throughout her
college years, will she ever be able to get off it? Will her brain
produce the right combination of serotonin etc. without the aid of the
drug? She hates the thought of having to be on this the rest of her
life. Also she wonders if the longer she's on it will it be harder
to come off it..... Dear Worried parents, There is no way to predict how your daughter will react to coming off of Effexor or any medication for that matter. Every individual reacts somewhat differently. Some have easier times than others. If her psychiatrist thinks it is a good idea to begin to reduce her dosage, I would support that decision so long as her moods and behaviors are closely monitored during this process. If she is away at school and her psychiatrist is at home, it may be better to consider doing this when she has easier access to her psychiatrist. While dependency on medication is always a concern and no one wants to be on medication forever, it is important that she is free of depressive symptoms. Major depression is a serious condition that needs to be monitored and medications may need adjusting from time to time. There is no way of knowing if this condition will require ongoing medication. The best thing that your daughter can do is work closely with her psychiatrist and report all symptoms. Many people live happy and healthy lives while suffering from clinical depression. Some may need constant medication while others may only require it periodically. The key here is not letting the symptoms get out of control. Good luck and let me know things work out. happy(tryingnottogetoutofcontrol)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I know it has been tooooo long since I wrote to you
but to tell the truth, I really have my hands filled baby sitting JeWitch
... I don't need to tell you the whole story, a picture is worth a million
words. Let me just add, her temper has NOT improved any ..
"Calm blue ocean" just doesn't seem to have the same effect as
it once had.
-------------------- Dear Edna, At least her penmanship has improved. happy(calmblueocean)shrink
Date: June 21, 2003
c replies to Happyshrink (See letter of June 1) Hi Happy, Well, I had some time to think about what really motivated me to end therapy. I decided now is still a good time to end therapy, but it would be beneficial if I discussed with my therapist what had prompted my decision. It was an excellent idea. If I ever feel stuck again, I'm comfortable with giving her a call. But if I never have to call her again I can look back on this time as having been a time of personal growth and know it was good for me. C PS: I highly recommend www.guidetopsychology.com , especially for people contemplating therapy. Dear C, It sounds like you are engaging in the termination process. That's an important part of the whole experience of therapy. I'm glad you are doing so. I went to the above web site and found it extremely informative and well designed for people interested in seeking therapy. Thank you for the recommendation. I hope it is helpful to others. happy(nottheonlyoneprovidinggoodinformationontheInternet)shrink
Hi Happyshrink! My parents were abusive and continue to be obnoxious. I love them, I try to understand and be patient and forgiving, I know that they themselves had messed up childhoods, but they make me very unhappy. I'm sure they feel the same way. My therapist says that they are very sick and I should cut all ties with them, period. He has been telling me this for a long time, but I just didn't think I could do it. It seems so drastic. I feel as though there would be a big huge hole in my life without them. But they have done something that I really can't tolerate. I guess it might be time. I know that they think they are perfect and the problems that they create are all in my head. Maybe they are right? I'm sure to some extent, we are all at fault. I feel so guilty if I cut them off. The Bible says honor your mother and father etc... I also feel as though I shouldn't deprive my son of grandparents. Is this really a good idea? My therapist also says that I should cut ties with one of my sisters, and that she sounds like a narcissist. I'll wind up with only one sister in my whole family! That is too sad. My husband is great but his family have all passed away. I think this would diminish our family, but I can't keep putting up with their crazy behavior, and they won't listen to me when I try to explain why it bothers me! Help! Dear Help!, It is never a therapists role to tell you what to do. It is to explore with you your options. Clearly, cutting off all ties with members of your family is an option and exploring the pros and cons of that is important. Everything here comes into play including your religious beliefs. While the Bible says to honor thy mother and father, it doesn't really go into detail about child abuse. In the Bible, Abraham was the first potential child abuser. He was going to kill his son Isaac as a demonstration of obedience to God. Isaac accepted his fate, but fortunately, Abraham was stopped from taking his son's life. It is quite interesting to note that the rest of Isaac's life was one of shyness, passivity and solitary loneliness despite the fact that his father was just the opposite. He was "given" a wife, inherited the wealth of his father and at the end of his life, his wife tricked him into passing his birthright to his second twin son, Jacob. From a psychological viewpoint, this might suggest that Isaac was traumatized by the events of his youth and never fully recovered from PTSD. So how does this biblical story affect you Help!? I believe that you still suffer from the trauma of the abuse of your youth and you passively accept the craziness of your family's actions. My question to you is, how does that impact on your new family? How does it affect your husband and your son? It would be nice for your son to have loving grandparents but that isn't something you can guarantee. It would be nice to put the abuse of the past in prospective, but not if the craziness still occurs today. Do you ever intend to share with your son what your parents did to you? How do you think he would feel about them then? How do you really want him to feel about them? These are questions best answered in your therapy Help!. I suggest you continue this process. I would urge you to not be passive about the situation. You couldn't take control of your life when you were a child. You can do that now! Take that control for the sake of your husband, your son and most important, yourself! There is nothing more importand than "Self" Help!. (Sorry I couldn't resist the pun.) Be good to yourself and let me know what you think. happy(whensomethinggoodcomesfromHelp!)
Dear Happy, Just another list for your webpage: Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men (and what they
actually mean...) Dear JeWitch, I would comment on this list but I guess I know how you would interpret it. happy(YOU'RENOTUGLY)shrink
Date: June 15, 2003
Dear Happyshrink, I am an admitted alcoholic who recently quit drinking
altogether because I realized that it was pretty much controlling my life.
I am 29 years old and have been drinking for several years starting in
college and becoming a heavy drinker in the past couple of years. I
quit drinking about three weeks ago. I did experience some classic
withdrawal symptoms at the beginning (problems sleeping, tremors or
shaking, sweating during sleep, bad dreams). I must admit that I
really do feel a lot better physically now that I am off the booze. But,
since I quit drinking I am now experiencing several periods of high
anxiety off and on during the day and night, mostly when I am not busy at
work or working on something that occupies me. I still have a little
trouble sleeping due to the anxiety problems. My question: is
periods of really high anxiety at periods of rest a symptom of quitting
drinking for someone who is an alcoholic? I have never really had
problems with anxiety until now. Can I expect this to go away with
time or should I consult with my doctor to see if she can help me with
this? Thanks for any info you can give me. Dear Josh, It is very common for people in early recovery to experience periods of anxiety. When you are not busy, the thoughts or urges to drink can invade your mind. This can be on a conscious level but also on an unconscious level. In other words, you may experience the anxiety without being aware of what you are anxious about. One thing that I would not recommend is getting anti-anxiety medication from your doctor. That will just replace one addiction for another. Over time, the anxiety should lessen, however there are some things you can do to expedite this process. It wouldn't hurt for you to attend Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings or find some other support group that helps members maintain their sobriety and encourages healthy and practical alternatives for dealing with the life. We live in a tough world Josh and it's not all that surprising that some people use drugs and alcohol to feel better. There are other ways to relieve stress and perhaps you can find some of those ways by talking to others who have walked in your shoes. Another option to consider is psychotherapy to gain a greater understanding about how alcohol became so much a part of your life and what healthy things you can do to live a full and happy life without it. Congratulations Josh on your road to sobriety. Please feel free to write me again and let me know how you are doing. happy(onedayatatime)shrink
Dear
Happyshrink, Dear J, Traumatic life events such as your uncle committing suicide can be very devastating and perhaps cause you to suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). If this is the case, I would suggest you get a psychiatric consultation. I don't know if your family doctor prescribed the Prozac or a psychiatrist did. If your family doctor did, it might not be the best way to treat your condition. I would urge you to see a psychiatrist and describe your symptoms and fears. In all probability, a treatment plan of both medication and counseling would be recommended. Get the right help you need J. Life is too short to live it in fear. Good luck and let me know how you make out. happy(recoveringfromtraumatoo)shrink
Dear Happy, JeWitch an' me is startin' a new business. We got this great idea from Lizzy who just moved into the trailer park with her 3 kids. She ain't seed none of her youngins daddys since they was born. She got support orders from the judge for every one of 'em, but cain't nobody find 'em. So Jewitch an' me decided to put missing daddys on beer cans. Coors turned us down, but Pabst is thinkin' that it would increase their sales. Gind Rinker Dear Gind, Thinking back to the last time I drank some Pabst, I can understand why they need something to increase their sales. I was in negotiations with the Coca Cola Bottling Company to have missing happyshrinks on the cans of diet vanilla coke but they turned me down. So did Pepsi and RC. I hope you and Witchy get lucky. If not, try a more realistic plan like buying a bunch of Mega Millions tickets. happy(MegaMillionairehopeful)shrink
Date: June 14, 2003
Dear Happyshrink, How can I fight depression and keep myself motivated?
I want to go to work but it is getting harder and harder to get out of
bed. It is a little easier when the sun is out but it still takes all my
strength to get up. I am always tired. A Dear A, The answer to this question lies in you seeking help and support. It's not the whole answer but it's starting point. You need to be evaluated by a psychiatrist who can prescribe psychotherapy and/or medication as well as support groups. Clinical depression is the most diagnosed mental illness in the world. Millions of people are treated for it and many millions more just suffer. Don't be one of the millions who suffers A. Get help and support you need now so you can wake up to bright days even when it's raining outside. happy(stillwishesitwouldstopraining)shrink
Dear Happy Shrink, K Dear K, It is quite possible that you inability to have an orgasm is related to the loss of your husband and perhaps conscious as well as unconscious feelings of guilt and ambivalence. Having a new sex partner after more than 15 years in a monogamous relationship is also going to take some getting used to. Even such things as the smell of the other person can be a factor. There are all the other sensual experiences that you have during sex that can also have an effect on your arrousal. I don't know if you are on any medication, but that too could be a factor. If you are, check with your physician about that. The fact you have resumed your life and have met someone new is very positive and I would encourage you to continue in this relationship. In time, things should work themselves out. If they don't, you might want to consider seeing a sex therapist, but that's well in the future. Try to relax and enjoy the sex you are having with this man even without an orgasm. Good luck and please feel free to write again. happy(allgoodthingscometothosewhowait)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, My name is Amber and I suffer from the
guilt of not forwarding 50 billion f***ing
chain letters sent to me by people who actually
believe that if you send them on, a poor
6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on
her forehead will be able to raise enough money
to have it removed before her redneck parents
sell her to a Amber Dear Amber, Two weeks ago when I got my last chain letter and didn't pass it on, my butt felt really sore the next morning. You don't suppose it was those leprechauns? Maybe I just didn't wipe good the night before. Whatever. happy(wipinggoodfromnowon)shrink
Date: June 8, 2003
Dear Happyshrink, I have been taking Prozac for a number of years. My wife and I moved from California to Missouri in 1996. I was a bit depressed, because I missed my family and friends. I am over it now, so I stopped taking the Prozac. My wife said she notices that when I stop taking the medicine, I am more irritable and moody. Should I start taking Prozac again, or is there another medicine I can take. I don't like myself when I am angry. Thanks for your help, RH Dear RH, Anytime you come off of a psychoactive medication, particularly an antidepressant, you may experience some mood changes. If they remain for a lengthy period of time, it could mean that you need to be on that medication or something else. I strongly suggest you get yourself evaluated by a psychiatrist who can determine if your irritability is just a passing phase or it needs to be treated. Besides what your wife has told you, how do you feel being off the medication? That is important to consider as well. If you see a psychiatrist, that should be one of the issues you discuss with him or her. Good luck and let me know what happens. happy(hashismoodstoo)shrink
Dear Happy, I am a 29 yr old female who has bipolar. I was recently discharged from the military for school. The military said that yes I have bipolar, but they will not compensate me for it. I did not have this before I joined, yet it does run an my fathers side of the family. What triggers this disorder to become noticeable in people? I have done a lot of research and cant seem to find out what starts or triggers the disorder in the first place. Can you help me? TS Dear TS, Bipolar disorder is believed to be caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. It is also thought to be largely hereditary. More than two thirds of individuals diagnosed with bipolar disorder have a close relative who also suffers from it. Gene research may some day give us more understanding about the specific causes and hopefully cures, but for now we are not sure which genes precipitate bipolar disorder. That is why you have not found a lot of answers to your questions. The issue of the Navy compensating you is more of a legal one and I would suggest you seek the advice of an attorney. Perhaps more important to you than what triggers it is how it is treated. There are a number of medications used in the treatment of bipolar disorder. Lithium carbonate used to be the overwhelming medication of choice. More recently, anti- seizure medications such as Depakote and Tegretol have also been prescribed and have proven to be effective in reducing manic, hypomanic and depressive symptoms. The most important thing is that you be under the care of a psychiatrist who can prescribe the right medication for you and monitor it's effectiveness. Support groups are also very helpful and I would look for one in your area. I wish I could be more helpful TS. The more you help yourself to accept support and treatment, the more chance you will have of living a normal and productive life. Good luck and let me know how you are doing. happy(needsallthesupporthecanget)shrink
Dear
Happyshrink, Who
was Cain's wife ?? JeWitch Dear JeWitch, Wasn't it one of the girls from the Worldwide Wrestling Federation? happy(raisingalittleCain)shrink
Date: June 7, 2003
Dear Happyshrink, I would like to get off of antidepressants. I have been on them for 6 years. I have tried unsuccessfully several times to quit, going slowly as I can. I feel terrible when I try to come off. I need professional help to get off, I believe. At least some advice on whether I can and how to do it. Thank you. R Dear R, Did you have professional help getting on them in the first place or did you self medicate on your own? The professional help you need right now is a psychiatrist who can assess your condition and determine if you need to stay on medication, change your medication or get off of it. Psychoactive medications are not something you regulate by yourself. You can't correct the mistakes of the past but you can do the right thing for the present and future. I would urge you to see a psychiatrist as soon as possible. I don't know whether or not you began taking antidepressants for the right reasons or the wrong reasons R. I do know that you need get the right kind of professional help. Don't delay. Please let me know what happens. happy(dotherightthing)shrink
Dear Sir, I was doing a web search, and I noticed in a (MUCH) earlier
posting, you mentioned that you did not think a child of 11 would have had
an S Dear S, I don't know your husband's history, nor do I fully understand what led to him being evaluated for Asperger's Syndrome. I will stand by my assertion that it is unlikely (but possible) to have Asperger's Syndrome and slip through the cracks during childhood. It is true that many mental health professionals know very little about it. The primary reason for that is it's not very common. It has gotten a fair amount of media attention in the past several years and whenever a rare condition gets such attention there is always an increase in the number of individuals diagnosed with it. One can assume that as a result of more people being aware of the condition, it gets more attention and consideration. This can lead to more proper diagnoses as well is misdiagnoses. A couple of years ago an adult patient in a residential facility that I operate who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and was fairly stable for many years was told by a new psychiatrist that she was not bipolar and suffered from Asperger's Syndrome. She was taken off her bipolar meds and ended up having to be hospitalized. Her original diagnosis was reinstated and she is again stable. I do appreciate your letter and your husband's story. Remember that your husband's childhood was some thirty years ago when there was considerably less knowledge about all developmental and learning disabilities. Every case is different and ultimately, evaluations can't take place on the Internet. They must take place in an appropriate mental health setting. I would be interested to know what kind of treatment your husband is receiving for Asperger's Syndrome and how he is doing. Please write me back and let me know so I can share it with other "Ask Happyshrink" readers. happy(likestoshare)shrink
Dear Happy, Since the last time I spoke to you, I got a new job and lost it. I really liked the job too. I was a nurse's aide in a big medical clinic right here in Orlando. After getting my first paycheck I went to get it cashed at the bank on my lunch hour. I had to endorse the check in front of the bank teller. When I reached in my pocket I pulled out a rectal thermometer and tried to write with it. After realizing what I just did, I looked up at the teller, and said, "Well that's great, just great. Some asshole's got my pen." The bank teller thought it was very funny. The clinic director didn't and he fired me. Do you think once he lets off some steam he'll give me my job back? Edna Dear Edna, That depends on which asshole has your pen. happy(onlyusesoralthermometers)shrink
Date: June 1, 2003
Dear Happyshrink, I
have been on meds for anxiety and depression. Well every time I'm on a med
for a while it seems as if I'm back to where i started. I'm moody I have a
change of appetite, I have trouble concentrating. Could my doctor be
diagnosing the wrong meds or could it be something else m Dear m, I really can't tell you whether or not you are on the wrong medications, or if your condition may lend itself to the symptoms you have described. If you are getting you meds from your family physician and not a psychiatrist, I would strongly recommend that you see a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist is better equipped to make an accurate diagnosis and also consider which medications will reduce the most symptoms while minimizing the side effects. Even with a good psychiatrist evaluating your condition, it may take some trial and error to put you on the right meds. Still your chances of getting the relief you need with the least amount of side effects is better if you see a specialist. Please let me know how things work out. Good luck. happy(manytrialsandmanyerrors)shrink
Confused but hopeful responds: Dear
Happy Thank
you for your feed back. I never considered that I might be bi-poplar as I rarely have
anything which could be described as high manic periods, maybe a couple of
times of year my mood lightens and I feel good. On the other hand my brother certainly fits the bi-polar
description you have given. Periods
of extreme energy when great tasks are accomplished, like suddenly
insulating his garage one Sunday or remodeling the TV room, followed by
periods when getting out of bed and going to work is a huge challenge. This happens to him monthly.
I imagine that this condition is hereditary so I would not be
surprised if both of us have it. His
doctor prescribed Paxil to address his social anxiety problems.
Is Paxil also helpful for bi-polar problems? If
I am Bi-polar I feel that I spend most of my time in the hypomania period,
like a whole year. I never
experienced depression until my late 20's but now I am at some level of
depression all the time and have great difficulty deriving enjoyment from
anything. I can remember the
creative energy and happiness I used to have in my teens and early to mid
20's and miss feeling that way. I
have lost interest in most of the hobbies which I used to enjoy and have
found nothing to replace them. This
lack of interest extends to people which makes forming and maintaining
friendships difficult. People
sense when you don't care what they are saying or have no sympathy for
their troubles. Lack of energy and interest coupled with depression and
anxiety is sapping the joy from life. You say see a psychiatrist. To do this do I need a referral from my family doctor or do I just look a doc up in the yellow pages? thanks, CBH Dear CBH, To answer your first question, Paxil may help relieve some of your brother's depressive symptoms, but if he is truly bipolar, it's probably not the optimum medication for him to be on. Recently, medications such as Depakote and Tegretol have been used to treat bipolar disorder. These medications were first used years ago to treat seizure disorders but have been found to be effect mood control medications as well. Some people with bipolar disorder take Lithium Carbonate, which was a breakthrough drug in the 1960s but needs careful monitoring due to its toxicity levels at therapeutic dosages. As far as how to go about seeing a psychiatrist, that all depends upon your medical insurance. Some insurers require a referral from a primary care physician while others require you to see psychiatrists who are in their "network." In any event, I would start the process by asking your family physician if he/she can recommend someone. It is likely that your family physician has had to make such a referral in the past. While looking up someone in the yellow pages has worked for many people, I would still prefer you get a recommendation from someone. Good luck and let me know how you make out. happy(outofnetwork)shrink
Dear Happy, After much thought over the last year, and having my anxiety controlled by meds for the last 8 months, I decided it was time to say goodbye to my therapist of 8 years. The last 6 years I've only seen her sporadically, 4-8 times/year, except for a two year period when she was out of the country. I made the appointment about a week in advance. Then I felt like I was mourning the loss of a good friend. Unfortunately, I didn't tell her this was goodbye until I was walking out the door and just blurted it out. I know I caught her by surprise, but she wished me well, and said I could still call if needed. I felt like such a cad for saying goodbye that way I wrote her a note saying the things I'd intended to say if I had time that night, nice stuff. I'm kind of surprised, I felt really sad leading up to saying goodbye, now I'm fine except for how I did it. I admired & trusted her as much as one can. She knows things about me that no one else knows. I know some of her life because she used examples from it. But our relationship was always professional. So, am I unnecessarily worried about her feelings? c
Dear c, I don't think her feelings are the issue. I think your feelings are. Termination in psychotherapy is often a difficult and awkward process. This is compounded by the fact that you only saw her sporadically over the past 6 years. It might have been helpful to let her know that you wished to terminate with her and would like a couple of sessions to get some closure on the experience. You can still do that if you want to or you can just move on. I am sure your therapist is fine with your decision. More important, you need to be fine with it. Please let me know what you decide. happy(itshardtosaygoodbye)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, My daughter in law mentions post partum soon after giving birth. I am concerned. Why mention it at all? Should we be on alert so that the baby is cared-for responsibly? Can you give me indicators for post partum? Concerned,
Dear Concerned, While post partum depression is quite common, it is rare that this condition hampers a mother's ability to care for her child. In very few and isolated instances, post partum depression can be a significant problem. I would just let your daughter-in-law know that you are there for her if she needs help. That reassurance may be all that is needed. If more is needed, you son and daughter-in-law are likely to take appropriate action. Good luck and Mazel Tov. happy(isitaboyoragirl?)shrink
Dear Happy, Well, as you recall, the boys all cut off their hair bout 2 year ago. I had to put up with the pricklin' when it were growin' back. Then their were the time when it got long nuff for a pony tail. I just hate a man in a pony tail. Well last Saturday night, The Earl passes out on the couch with a cigarette an' catched his hair afire. He woke up in time to dunk his head in the john, but now I gots to put up with the pricklin' all over agin. Wonder iffen Snake, Bubba, an' Dui be cuttin their hair off too? We is commin' up on a pricklin' crisis here in the Circle K trailer park. Gind Rinker Dear Gind, I was worried for a moment. I wasn't exactly sure which hair you were talking about. Just have the Earl wear a hat. happy(pricklinaround)shrink
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