Postings from May 1-31, 2003
Date: May 31, 2003
Happy to be back after going off on a short vacation this past Memorial Day. Dear Happyshrink, I am a 31 year old female who has always been an introvert. I have never had any real friends over the years. I have never had any close relationships . I feel very isolated. There are some days I don't want to get out of bed and go to work. It's like I don't exist in people's eyes. I can't laugh and joke around like others do. When someone makes a joke, all I can do is smile. I don't have a laugh. I don't know if this is physical or mental. Could there be a physical reason why I cannot laugh or is it all in my head?? Please help. Sincerely, Isolated Dear Isolated, I would certainly have a thorough physical exam to see if there is something medically wrong with you but given the length of time you have reported this condition to have existed (always) my hunch is that it may be psychological in nature. Most of the symptoms you have described in you letter meet the criteria for clinical depression. Please understand that with the little information you have given me, that this is just a hunch and not a definitive diagnosis. Other things that could have affected your isolation could be childhood or teenage trauma and other life experiences. I would urge you to see a psychiatrist Isolated. That way a proper diagnosis can be made and a treatment plan which might include medication and/or psychotherapy could be prescribed. If you really want to change isolated, you need to do something about it. You are a young woman with a lot of living to do. Don't live it in isolation of others. Get the help you need now. Please let me know how you make out. happy(peopleneedpeople)shrink
Dear Happy, About two weeks before 9/11 I lost my prominent and good paying job in new media. Basically the situation surrounding the loss of that job was complicated, but I can say with a good sense of conviction that I was fired primarily because I could not look the other way in the face of my management's unethical work practices. Being fired was a huge blow to my self-esteem and while I investigated getting a lawyer and suing-- it seemed I didn't have much of a case, because things I experienced were hard to prove. After being fired and with the problems in New York finding work after 9/11, I became very very depressed. In my state of depression I began an online relationship of sorts with someone in another country who is ten years younger. Its strange how online romances develop and flourish, and then wane and change into something else. (We're more like deeply good friends than lovers at this point.) To an extent I became somewhat dependent on this online person being there to cheer me up everyday. Sort of like an addiction. Curiously my being around seemed to have the same effect on my counterpart, and as we learned more about each other it became more and more clear that we both had some issues. In his case, I believe that he has been suffering from SAD for a long time-- and talking to me through the computer was probably the most he had ever talked to another human being. Since then he has sought therapy and seems to be improving. As an experiment, and since we seem to be soo terribly fond of each other, he is coming to work with me in the company I have started. The work idea is a strange one indeed, as most relationships don't seem to survive working 'together'... but since he is talented and soo very shy I am hoping it might be a way for the two of us to get to know each other better in person. This is of course, assuming that he is the person I've come to know over the last year. Of course the hard part about this is just that every friend and family member thinks I'm completely crazy, 'obsessed', unhealthily fixated on this person. They might be right, but right now my idea is just to see what happens. I have the majority of the control in how things proceed, so I'm not worried for myself if it turns out to be a disaster. And at minimum he's getting some good work experience out of this, so I don't feel like I'm doing ill. I think being together will also help reveal if there is a problem with the age difference between us. I just WISH that my family and friends would chill out a little and give the guy a chance... I'm fairly sure that his coming here is a gigantic scary adventure for him. And I'm disappointed that they don't seem to trust me enough to be a good judge of character. In a way it makes me really annoyed with my so-called 'support-system' which seems to be more pleased to judge my actions than to be supportive lately. Thoughts? --Oggie Dear Oggie, This is certainly a bold step in your life and I am not surprised that your friends and family are waving red flags in front of you. You need to reassure them that you understand the risks and are going to be careful. As someone who has had many successful Internet relationships and one of which I ended up marrying, it would be hard for me to discourage you from trying to make this business and relationship venture work. The Internet does have the ability to cut through a lot of layers of "How do you do? Pleased to meet you. Are you a Aries? What do you do for a living? What do you think about global warming?" stuff. As a result, intimacy can develop very quickly. The Internet, just like any other place where you would meet people, some are who they say they are and some people are "impostors." It is easier to be an impostor on the Internet though and that's why your friends and family are worried. My advice to you is to give it your best, and be careful. If it works, I am sure your family will become supportive again and less judgmental. If it doesn't work, minimize your losses and get out of it. Certainly, you need to go into this venture with the expectation of succeeding, but as your last job hopefully taught you, the world is not always a kind, fair and forgiving place. As they say in the Boy Scouts, "Be prepared!" I truly wish you the best of luck and please let me know how things work out. happy(mostlyprepared)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, My Fiancee is a 43 year old woman who resides in South Florida. I am frantically trying to get some information for her. She is a insomniac who with the help of Klonopin and over the counter sleep aids can get some sleep, but still not quite 8 hours. She says she cant turn off her brain and it just keeps going all night keeping her awake. even with meds she doesn't get sound deep sleep. She is also on Prozac and Welbutrin, to help her with bouts of depression. She also suffers from chronic panic disorder which she has meds for. She is also a vertigo sufferer and takes Myclazine for when that flares up. She has tried many different doctors from shrinks to gynecologists, and has hit a brick wall. This sleeplessness is taking it's toll and she is very depressed. Can anyone offer a suggestion. One more thing I want to point out. She wakes up from sleep and feels fairly good for about three to 5 hours then all of a sudden without warning she dives into a depression and gets physically weak to the point of almost fainting. During this time she finds it very hard to speak and has to lie down. I have noticed that a lot of the time she takes these dives when she gets stressed, although I don't know if there is any connection. Does any of this sound familiar to any of you. Please offer me some suggestions as I really want to get to the bottom of this and get some useful answers. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank You in advance. Sincerely, T Dear T, Sleeplessness can be symptoms of depression and can also be a side effect of the anti-depressant medications that your fiancee is on. It would be important to determine the cause of her sleep problems. Are they a result of her depression/anxiety? Are they caused by some of the medications she is on? Are there physical or other psychological stressors that might be causing her to have sleep problems? If your fiancee's current psychiatrist has not found the answer to this, I would try and get a second opinion. You might also want to look into medical centers in your area that have "sleep clinics." Sleep problems are very common phenomena. As our culture has become more stressful, the number of people who suffer from sleep disorders have dramatically increased. Your fiancee's problem is a complex and difficult one to solve T, even though many people suffer from similar symptoms. My own bias is that sometimes medications that work for a time like Klonopin, eventually become less effective and withdrawal from such medications can be extremely unpleasant. I would try to look into strategies that minimize the amounts of medications your fiancee takes and focuses on her ability to reduce stress and increase relaxation. Good luck T. Let me know what you find out. happy(sometimeslessismore)shrink
Date: May 18, 2003
Happyshrink's Dell is up and running! I'm still doing the web page from the old machine because I got a boatload of stuff to transfer but everything seems to be A-OK. Hello Happyshrink, I am curious. I just started taking lexapro and was wondering if it is ok to use aspirin, acetaminophen, or ibuprofen? I have been having headaches and don't know which would be safer. KM Dear KM, Lexapro is an antidepressant that does sometimes have headaches as a side effect. Usually this occurs when you begin taking it and will lessen or stop occurring as your body adjusts to it. While none of the over-the-counter pain relievers that you mentioned are listed as having an adverse reaction to Lexapro, I would urge you to consult with your doctor about what pain reliever is best to take. There might be other considerations with regard to your overall physical condition that your doctor would be best qualified to assess. Let me know what he/she says. happy(headisachingfromplayingwithhisDELL)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, What do you as a therapist do to help patients deal with psychological problems because the way I see it all that therapists pretty much do is take your money, send you out the door after 50 minutes and do the same thing the next session.. What is the point of seeing a therapist like yourself if you can’t guarantee results after an agreed amount of time, i.e. they feel better. Are you going to give them a refund because as I see it the only one who benefited from the relationship was you? You got paid for your services and you now have an empty slot that you can fill with someone else. As far as I am concerned all therapists are snake oil salesman. Bill Dear Bill, It sounds to me like you haven't been very satisfied with the therapist or therapists you have seen. No profession can guarantee results though. No doctor, lawyer, teacher, architect or engineer can always be successful. Some of the greatest professionals in these professions have had their share of failures. . Sometimes it's not the teacher who failed to teach; it's not the doctor that failed to cure; it's not the lawyer who lost the case; and it's not always the therapist who failed to help. As a professional, I do the best with what I have to work with. Sometimes the best I can do is help someone survive another day. That may not be good enough for some people and I can understand that. There are enough people being helped by therapy, Bill, to indicate that there is something of value in it. If you are not being helped, then maybe you have to look within yourself or try something else. Good luck to you. I hope you find what you are looking for. happy(alloutofsnakeoil)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, This is for all the women out there... tips for
driving men NUTS !! JeWitch Dear JeWitch, May I go now? happy(can'tlivewiththem;can'tlivewithoutthem)shrink
Date: May 17, 2003
Hey Dudes and Dudettes; Happyshrink got a DELL! I'm posting today and hope to post tomorrow but that's only if I get the new computer or the old computer working in their newly assigned places. If not, I will post next week. Dear
Happyshrink, How do I know if I actually have any real problems or if I'm just a hypochondriac? Over the past year or so I've been convinced that I have ADD, passive aggressive disorder, selective mutism, ADHD, nominal aphasia, bi-polar disorder, OCD, schizophrenia, Tourrette's syndrome, dyslexia...everything. I'm pretty sure I'm wrong on most accounts. But what would convince me that I have issues if I don't? Therefore I must have some...or else these ideas would have never come into my head.... I'm only 17 and I read a lot and have a vivid imagination, and as a result am always learning new things and am very gullible. How can I tell if I actually have any problems I should be taking care of or if I'm just pretending...or confused...or just not sure. Sally Dear Sally, Everybody has some of the above symptoms. Symptoms alone are not enough to diagnose you with a disorder. One also has to look at your overall functioning in life. Are you doing well in school? Do you have friends and are you able to maintain close relationships? Are you able to feel joy as well as sorrow? Do you find your parents to be incredible pains in the butts? Do you keep your room neat and clean? If you answered yes to all the above except for keeping your room neat and clean, you are probably a pretty normal kid going through the turbulence of adolescence. A vivid imagination is both a blessing and a curse. Use it to imagine all the things you can be and all the things you can do. Don't use it as an excuse for underachieving. Please feel free to write me again Sally. It's always good to hear from someone with a vivid imagination. happy(imaginingrightnow)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I missed a couple of doses of my Paxil because I couldn't find the bottle. I finally found it tonight and took a dose before going to bed. I had the most vivid dream: I was staying in this strange house, because one of my ex-sister-in-law's (my ex-husband's sister, who is already married to a charming fork-lift driver) was getting married the next day. All of my relatives were there. I was trying to sleep, but a guy I grew up with (he lived across the street and was only a few days older than me) showed up and we had sex (complete with condom application and premature ejaculation). Then my other ex-sister-in-laws showed up and they made me give up the bed and I had to sleep on the floor (the guy from across the street had already left). A huge ruckus arose downstairs in the house because they were putting together the wedding cake downstairs and everyone wanted to decorate it their own way. I gave up on trying to sleep and went downstairs. I met several of the e.s.i.l.'s (ex-sister....) husbands, who were not my ex-husband's brothers but men I'd never seen before, and they were sitting around making jokes about how nasty their wives were. The e.s.i.l were there also and they all had very bad, snaggly looking teeth. One of the ladies got mad at me for some reason and broke my glasses. I tried to put them back together but my niece showed up and took a couple of the pieces and lost them. So I went out a door and found myself in a mall. Just a few doors down from where I left the house I found a 24 hour eyeglass store. I went inside and found that it was full of computers and all of the people working there were wearing "wet-ware" (a term from a science fiction book I read once which is computer programming you paint on the skin, especially the face, which looks like war paint make-up and is designed to enhance various brain and personality functions, depending on the color of the paint and where it is placed). I tried to order a new pair of glasses but found that I had left without my credit cards. I went to go back and retrieve them and found that the mall had turned into a mall from an Escher painting: stairs would appear and go up to nowhere. There was one point where I climbed up a staircase only to slide down a water slide with a pool stick wielding ninja at the bottom. I wrestled the stick away from the ninja and beat away a few other infidels only to be confronted by my youngest ex-sister-in-law (the bride-to-be, again) and my ex-mother-in-law (e.m.i.l) who took me to another part of the mall where they started attacking me with various other weapons. At one point I recall my e.m.i.l. took an especially savage knock against a cabinet and her brains were leaking out of the back of her head. I escaped from these 2 only to enter a room full of people laying on beds made of self-help books, who were all being psychoanalyzed by Freudian Psychologists. including, of course, my mother and father. I showed them that the beds they were laying on were made of books, and they all got up. I pushed down on one stack of books (which was in the shape of an end table inside a wooden frame) and the books turned into mush, except for a rare copy of poetry by Robert Browning, which I saved from the mush, which was about to explode out of the end table like a volcano just as I woke up. I was yelling, "look out! It's gonna blow!" All of this was so vivid as to seem real, and I kept thinking, "This must be a dream, why can't I wake up?" and "One of those e.s.i.l. must have slipped me some acid." So what do you suppose this means? I had to get up and write it down before it slipped away, but even still there are some parts that slipped out of sequence and didn't get included. Sincerely, Judi(practicingsafesexeveninmydreams)blueye Dear Judiblueye, In global terms your dream may indicate some of the frustrations you experience in your day to day survival. You experience moments of passion but they are short lived and are back to basics; looking for a place to sleep. Eyeglasses get broken and they seem impossible to fix. Your efforts often end up as stairways to nowhere. I also wonder if that volcano is symbolic of you in therapy about to explode. Maybe with anger and/or maybe with an important breakthrough. I am sure you will discuss this dream with your therapist and I would be curious as to his interpretations. I also want you to think more about interpreting it yourself. Let me know what you and Dr. Peabody come up with Judi. happy(eruptingwithcuriousity)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I love
my boyfriend very much, but no matter what type of intercourse we try, I
cant seem to reach orgasm....I know that part of it is my
self-consciousness about my weight (which he has never said a negative
thing about)....but it seems like more that that.....I don't understand
why though I love him so much, and he arouses me so much, I cant seem to
reach orgasm....help! EP Dear EP, Self esteem issues can have an impact on your ability to have an orgasm. If you are on certain medications, that can also affect you. If you are on medication, find out from your doctor if they can impact on your sex drive and ability to achieve orgasm. It is not clear to me if this is a problem that is exclusive to your current boyfriend or it has also happened in the past. If you really feel it is related to your weight and how you feel about it, you may need to see a therapist to explore these issues. Another option to consider is seeing a sex therapist. It may take a bit of detective work on your part, but use whatever resources available to find out why you are having this problem. Please let me know what you find out. happy(notenoughclusetosolvethmystery)shrink
Dear Happy, My daughter Lucy Mae just had her first child. She's nearly fifteen and we were really worried that she might have fertility problems. All the Hoppenstadder women have had children before age fourteen so she is a bit of a late bloomer. My question though is about my grandson Angus. Lucy Mae seems to be a good mom, just like me, but this kid keeps barking like a dog. He keeps everyone in the trailer park up most of the night. Is this just a passing phase or should we expect the same hell that Andie gave us? Below is a picture of him. Ain't he cute as a button?
Love, Edna Dear Edna, He is a cute little pup. You might want to try having him eat at the kitchen table and see if the barking goes away. happy(howmuchisthatdoggieinthewindow)shrink
Date: May 11, 2003
Dear Happyshrink, Maybe you can help....I have suffered from depression for 2 years. I have seen doctors and it has helped, but I have gone through some sexual harassment issues among a lot of other things, and now I am very emotional. I want to stop seeing the dark side of everything. How can I let it go and get on w/my life. HELP! Sh Dear Sh, When you have been traumatized by sexual harassment issues, it is very hard to turn off the dark side. I know that you didn't define your sexual harassment as trauma, but it really is when you think about it. It makes you anxious, depressed, hypervigilant and unable to get on with your life. That defense is a protective mechanism that in some ways helps you to prevent the trauma from happening again. On the other hand, it can put up a wall that prevents good people and good experiences from occurring as well. There isn't an easy answer for overcoming this problem Sh, but I would strongly suggest that you look into psychotherapy with a therapist that specializes in trauma events. By working through what happened and dealing with your feelings about it, you can resolve some of the issues that still haunt you and hopefully get on with your life. This process can take some time Sh and there are no guarantees on how effective the treatment will be, but I would still urge you to do it. The problem with trauma is that it doesn't necessarily get better with time and sometimes it can even get worse. Get the help you need now Sh so you can have a happy life with good people in it. Please feel free to write me again and let me know how you are doing. happy(inloveandwork)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I'll
get straight to the point. Over the past few years I've been becoming more
anti-social and depressed. I haven't taken any classes at my college for
about a year because of academic probation (I failed four classes), I
started smoking pot, and haven't had a job in two years. Recently I had a
dream that someone I look up to said they could never love me unless I got
my act together, and it made me see things in a different light. I want to
change, but I don't know how to. I'm scared to interact with people and
put myself out there. And nothing seems to motivate me. JS Dear JS, Your problems could very well be depression. Having said that, it's not going to get any better by knowing that fact alone and it is no excuse for messing up your life. The first thing you have to do is stop using pot and any other non prescribed medications including alcohol. The second thing you need to do is see a psychiatrist where you can be evaluated for depression or perhaps another disorder. The psychiatrist may make several recommendations as well as put you on some medication. How well you follow these recommendations and put your life back on track is up to you. People in your life will support you more if they are seeing you do more for yourself. You are still young and have the potential for a good life ahead of you. Don't wait for bad things to happen JS. Do what you have to do now so you can get out of the hole you dug. Good luck and let me know what happens. happy(beeninaholeIdugoncetoo)shrink
Dear
Happyshrink, I'm 20 now and wonder if I will always be this way. I've seen doctors and have been put on anti-depressants, but they don't seem to work. There are times when I am happy but those times are short lived. It's like I'm scared to be happy because I know once I'm happy, I'll be hurt again real soon. I used to cut myself but stopped when my sister and friend (mentioned above) got really upset and told me I had to stop. I don't understand him or myself. I have never had a boyfriend and wonder if I will always be this way with boys. But its not just with boys but with girls as well. Like I said I went through this In Elementary and Jr. High when I though my best friends didn't want to be my friends anymore. He has hurt me once before by fighting and ignoring me for a month or more. He did say he was sorry but it scared me that he might do it again. No matter how many times he tells me that he doesn't hate me and that we're still Best Friends, I can't believe it. I know its driving my family and him crazy. I ask too many questions out of worry and talk way too much sometimes but the silence kills me. I can personalize every situation and make it my fault. I know this isn't good but its what I do. He can't be quiet or distant without me asking what's wrong and if he's mad. But if he is mad and I don't ask I don't want him to be hurt that I didn't ask. I don't know. When he and I actually talk about things its all OK. He reassures me and I believe him. But I know I can't have him reassure me everyday. That will definitely drive him away and that is something I don't want to do. I'm scared of
ruining my life. I don't want to ruin this friendship. But I think
he has problems too. I think I might be bipolar but I think he might
suffer from depression too. I don't know. I can go on for pages, believe
me I've filled many journals about this subject. Please help. I don't know
how to limit my questions and trust what he says. I don't know how to
believe him when I believe he won't lie to me. I don't know how to
just sit there when he's quiet and believe that its not me. Every time I
try to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist, no one is taking
new patients. I talk to a counselor but its not the same. I want to find
the root of my problem and if I need to be on meds then I need to know
which ones. Any suggestions on how I can learn that its not me and teasing
is just what it is, teasing........or is it?. Also, he says I talk too
much, over exaggerate, and ask too many questions. He's never said this
all at once, but does this mean he doesn't like me? Dear Confused, Scared, and way TOO worried. There are many people that I like and even love that I can also get annoyed, pissed off and even angry at. I may even hold on to that anger for a while before letting go. That's normal and even healthy for friends to have those feelings. Friendship connects people even when they are pissed off. What I am explaining to you is simple enough to understand intellectually but perhaps it is harder to internalize emotionally. You may be a person that lives in the world of "black and white." He either loves me or he hates me; there's no middle ground. That along with your history of cutting would indicate to me that you may have had early childhood trauma and could suffer from a number of disorders. You can't diagnose yourself and I really can't do that either for you. You need to see a psychiatrist to be evaluated. Yes, there are a lot of psychiatrist that are not taking new patients and the process of finding one who you can relate to may be difficult, but you need to keep trying. Your condition can get worse before it gets better. If you feel unloved by your sister and your friend, could that lead you to your cutting again? I would guess that even though you have stopped cutting (an effort on your part that is good and commendable), I would guess that the urge is still there. It won't go away by itself. Get the help you need Confused, Scared, and way TOO worried. Medication may help and there are therapists that specialize with working with individuals who have problems like you have described. Do what you need to do to find the right people to help you. Your future happiness depends on it. Good luck and feel free to write again. happy(andhopefulthereishelpforConfused...)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I have recently been diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it goes: I decide to wash the car; I start toward the garage and notice the mail on the table. OK, I'm going to wash the car. But first I'm going to go through the mail. I lay the car keys down on the desk, discard the junk mail and I notice the trash can is full. OK, I'll just put the bills on my desk and take the trash can out, but since I'm going to be near the mailbox anyway, I'll pay these few bills first. Now, where is my checkbook? Damn, there's only one check left! My extra checks are in my desk. Oh, there's the coke I was drinking. I'm going to look for those checks. But first I need to put my coke further away from the computer, or maybe I'll pop it into the fridge to keep it cold for a while. I head towards the kitchen and my flowers catch my eye, they need some water. I set the coke on the counter and there are my glasses. I was looking for them all morning! I'd better put them away first. fill a container with water and head for the flower pots. Someone left the TV remote in the kitchen. We will never think to look in the kitchen tonight when we want to watch television so I'd better put it back in the family room where it belongs. I splash some water into the pots and onto the floor, I throw the remote onto a soft cushion on the sofa and I head back down the hall trying to figure out what it was I was going to do? End of Day: The car isn't washed, the bills are unpaid, the coke is sitting on the kitchen counter, the flowers are half watered, the checkbook still only has one check in it and I can't seem to find my car keys! When I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY LONG! I realize this is a serious condition and I'll get help, but first I think I'll check my e-mail. Please send this to everyone you know because I don't remember who I've sent this to. But please don't send it back to me or I might send it to you again! JeWitch Dear JeWitch, I have some good ideas on how you can overcome this problem but first I have to finish my coffee....wait a minute' I have to turn off my coffee maker let me go into the kitchen....holy cow! My dishwasher hasn't been unloaded and I have a sink full of dirty dishes. Damn! I'm out of Cascade. I have to go to the store. Maybe I can answer this question next week. Nice hearing from you Je.... Je.... Je.... Je.... whateveryyournameis. happy(didIevertellyouIrepeatmyself?)shrink happy(didIevertellyouIrepeatmyself?)shrink happy(didIevertellyouIrepeatmyself?)shrink
Date: May 10, 2003
Dear Happyshrink, My psychiatrist believes I have bipolar II disorder, and I don't agree. I was suspicious when he brought it up, but I did some research anyway and am even more convinced now that he's mistaken. Sure, my moods go up and down, but I don't believe they swing anymore than is appropriate for the conditions in my life at any given time. I see a therapist too; she says she thinks I'm just "sensitive". I had a hard time finding this doctor because the psychiatrists in my area all seem to be booked up, so I'm very disappointed. It feels like he pulled this diagnosis out of thin air. What does one do when one questions the diagnosis of one's psychiatrist? Do I get a second opinion? If so, how do I go about finding a second opinion psychiatrist who isn't obsessed with plugging me into a drug treatment plan, and instead is willing to do a serious evaluation of my situation? I'd really like to find somebody who's not "manic" about prescribing medication! KP Dear KP, A second opinion here is definitely in order. Perhaps the therapist you are seeing can recommend a psychiatrist to you. It would also be helpful if your therapist would be willing to consult with this psychiatrist and share some impressions of your situation. This would need your written permission and I would urge you to do so. As I don't know you, I haven't a clue as to whether or not you suffer from bipolar II. If the second psychiatrist comes up with the same diagnosis, you need to consider that as a possibility. Keep in mind that medication is the primary treatment that psychiatrists use to treat most psychiatric disorders. While medication is not always effective, it has a higher success rate than any other form of treatment. It is commonly used in conjunction with psychotherapy as well. That doesn't necessarily mean taking medication is best for you and you should have the right to accept as well as refuse medication as long as your condition (whatever the diagnosis) does not pose a threat to yourself or others. Good luck and please let me know what you find out. happy(alwaysagoodideaforasecondopinion)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, It's been a long time since I've written you. Me and the Earl have been busy raisin are daughter Harley. It's so hard to keep up with the house chores and raisin' a youngin. I have come up with one way to combine two activities:
It's only because of this time saving idea (The Earl thought of it) that I now have time to write you. Gind Rinker Dear Gind, I will have to admit that the Earl has come up with a good idea for once, but please avoid any of his suggestions that involve tending to Harley and microwave ovens. happy(likestodryoffwithatowel)shrink
Date: May 4, 2003
Dear Uh, "Happyshrink," (Love the name.) I'm a 42 year old white male who has been diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder. The diagnosis was no news to me since I knew from an early age something was wrong with my emotions. Constant anxiety and fear have ruled them for a long time, along with the "ups and downs." However, something has been eating away at me for several months now. I'd like to know what your thoughts might be on this. At the age of three, my five year old sister found a bottle of a popular children's aspirin and I remember her saying that it tasted good. (Don't ask me how I remember, I just do. At least I remember the important parts, however sketchy they may be.) She knew that I wanted to have some and she hid it from me (or thought she did). What I remember after that was lying on a table wrapped in sheets and feeling resigned like a trapped animal with a tube running out of my nose. I remember it because of the "pretty blue bubbles" going through it. I don't remember anything after that except that my mother told me later on in my teenage years that I had enough aspirin in my stomach to have killed me if they hadn't found me as soon as they did. My question is: What kind of possible effects can an overdose of baby aspirin have on a child that age concerning early and latter development? In short, could you offer some words concerning what "might" happen in a child's development given the same scenario? Would there be any kind of damage done to the brain tissue? To the heart? To any other part of the person? I'm not looking for a diagnosis, just a few possible answers and avenues to research. Sincerely, -Ed Dear Ed, As I am not a medical doctor and don't really know what might have happened physiologically when you took all that aspirin, I can't really give you reliable information about that. Certainly such an overdose could have caused a number of neurological problems for you but its hard to say if it has had any physical link to your bipolar disorder. What I can suggest to you that waking up at age three in an ICU (even though you didn't know what an ICU was back then) had to be pretty traumatic. The fact that this is a very clear memory even today might even suggest to me a residual amount of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Here again, how much of that impacts on your ups and downs and your anxiety today is hard to say. I would suggest you consider some psychotherapy to try and explore the link between this traumatic event and your current condition. I would also discuss this issue further with your psychiatrist who may also have some thoughts on the matter. Childhood trauma can have very powerful affects on our adult lives. This may or may not be the case with you but it's worth exploring Ed. Please let me know what you find out. Good luck. happy(sufferingthetraumaofadulthood)shrink
Dear Happy-shrink, I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder 4 years ago, along with PTSD, GAD and panic-attacks. I'm a 36 year old (female) and I'm on medication, Xanax for the panic, but I hate taking it because it takes all my energy away. Any-hoo about 2 years ago I got a welsh corgi-mixed and things changed, this dog has done more for my panic then any human or medication could ever do! He is my savior. but I'm way too dependent on him, and of course he is with me too. Even if I leave the house to go shopping I'll start missing him and be anxious to get back home to be with him. I've had a couple abusive relationships in the past, and I'm not real good with people, but when I pet my dog I can actually feel the anger drain from my body. I know this dependency I have is damaging to both of us- Any Advice on what to do would be greatly appreciated. Vander "my dog" suffers from separation anxiety. thanks L Dear L, Pets can be do wonders in lowering anxiety and relieving depression for many people. While getting a dog was a great way for you relieve some of your symptoms, it is not a cure and can lead to other problems. Your codependency not only makes the two of you uncomfortable when you are away from one another. It also isolates you from people. You do need people in your life L. Pets are great and give you unconditional love but you also need people love too. I can see how abusive relationships may have soured you on that prospect but living exclusively in the world of "Vander" will eventually cause you more pain, anxiety and isolation. I would urge you to get into or continue to deal with people issues in therapy L. Please feel free to write me again and let me know how you are doing. happy(unconditionally)shrink
Dear Happy, Six years ago, my husband and I found our oldest son behind our fence in a wooded lot, he had two shotgun wounds to his head. It would have only taken one to be fetal. He walked up on something he never should have seen the night before. Something told me not to leave him the next day with my husband and two other children the next day. I told them over and over I wanted to stay home. My youngest son begged till I gave in. The oldest had plans with a friend to go fishing and also had to be back at our house for 11:00 am to take his girlfriend somewhere. They were both were here when we pulled up, his friend waited for him at the dock they spoke hours before and he was on his way out. His girlfriend beeped him many times then just came over. When we got inside the house we new there was a fight of some kind, things were knocked over broken we found his beeper in the mess in our living room. So we started looking for him after two hours I walked behind the fence to find him I thought he was asleep till I got close my husband made me get out of there and call 911. He also had a broken leg and wounds on his arms. It took them over an hour to find the shotgun across the woods. In my heart I know he could not do this to himself he had the world in his hand, played sports everyone new him he was very well liked. Sports was his life and he was told along with us he had what it takes to go big with it. My life has stood still, I cant find a way to go on nor be grateful I still have my other children and wonderful husband. I just have no life left in me, I died when he did. Yes, if you want to know I have gone for help year after year. How do you move on? G Dear G, I wish I could tell you that there is an easy way to move on. Obviously there isn't. I wish I could guarantee that continuing in counseling or therapy will eventually give you back your live. I can't do that either. There is a part of you that died that day six years ago. You can never get that back. Intellectually, you understand that you still have two great children and a loving husband. That's what you need to focus on if you ever hope to move on. It sounds to me like you still experience a lot of guilt about not being there that night. It also sounds like the perpetrators were never found and the possibility of suicide was considered. All of this makes it even harder for you to move on. There are things that happened that evening that you may never find out about or understand G. Somehow you need to let go of all those unanswered questions if they can't be answered. In some areas, there are support groups for the parents, spouses and families of murder victims. That might be an option you may not have tried yet. Other than that I can only try to empathize with your pain and suffering. There is none I can think of greater than parents of murdered children. Ultimately though, it's up to you whether or not you decide to move on or let your grief take over your life. I hope you and your family find that way to move on and live life because of your beloved son, not in spite of his death. Good luck and feel free to write me again. happy(chosinglifeovergrief)shrink
Dear Happy, I was driving to the unemployment office
yesterday when I saw this woman cut right in front of a pickup truck
causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder. This evidently made the
guy mad enough, that he hung out his window and flipped her off. JeWitch Dear JeWitch, I just want you to know that I would never consider flipping you off during your period or during any of the 28 days of your cycle. In fact perhaps you can share your most common driving routes so that the male readers of my web page can avoid them. It should also make traffic less of a hassle for you. happy(alwaysbettersafethansorry)shrink
Date: May 3, 2003
Judiblueye responds to the narcissistic, depressed, psychopathic pervert with OCD: Dear Happyshrink, The problem is, most psychopaths DON'T get arrested because they are so charming they are able to convince the police, prosecutors etc. that they are the victim and that the victims are persecuting them. Sincerely, Judi(foundthisoutthehardway)Blueye PS: Are you ever coming back to group? Dear JudiBlueye, It is true that most perpetrators (that's a more encompassing term than psychopaths) hide their evil in a facade of wit and charm. But they also prey on people who are vulnerable and not likely to pick up on the cues that they (perpetrators) may leave. Love and neediness are often blind. You have the radar now Judi. Try to use it. As far as coming back to group, my life has become very busy. Between work, family and now going to a health club most days, my time is very limited. Prior to my getting sick, I often spent a lot of time on line alone or with just one other person. What I will do starting in June is try and pick one Tuesday a month (announcing it well in advance) when I will come on line. I'm sorry I can't do more than that Judi. happy(notasyoungasIoncewas)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I have been depressed off and on for years now and have tried a few drug treatments but none have really agreed with me. Before this period of depression hit I used to have very strong creative impulses and the energy to go with them and make them reality. The reason I am writing is that I am currently on Phenazo (phyridine or phyridium?) which has nothing to do with mental health but I have found during the week I have been on this drug my depression has lifted, my creative drive has returned with a vengeance and more importantly I have energy again. An increase in energy is not listed as a side effect of this drug so what is going on? What are the active components in this drug and is there a mental health drug which is related? I feel great and would like to remain that way. Confused, but hopeful Dear Confused, but hopeful, I'm not so sure that Phenazo is giving you this energy with a vengeance. My suspicions are that you might actually not suffer from depression but Bipolar disorder. You may just be in a phase of either mania or hypomania. Often people with Bipolar disorder have periods of great productivity, creativity and passion only to come crashing down once the cycle ends. I would urge you to see a psychiatrist and be evaluated for your condition. Bipolar disorder commonly goes undetected due to the depression being the more debilitating symptom. Get this checked out confused, but hopeful. I don't know enough of your history to be totally sure that I am correct but I think it is something worth exploring. Let me know what you find out. happy(hopefulforconfused)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, My doctor prescribed me Zoloft and said I shouldn't drink alcohol while taking this med. why??? I like to drink! J Dear J, Zoloft is an antidepressant that is a Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI). SSRI's will accelerate the affects of drinking. It will make you more lightheaded and more dizzy even with small amounts of alcohol. Many people who suffer from clinical depression like to drink alcohol as it dulls the senses and in effect "medicates" you. If you are suffering from depression, the Zoloft is a much better answer. If it works, giving up alcohol is a small price to pay. Think about it J. happy(payingalotofsmallpricestobeinghealthy)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Now that I have become a God fearin' person I would like to share with you and all your readers the ways the Bible says to get a wife: 1) Find an attractive prisioner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails,and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. ----Deuterononmy (Deuteronomy 21:11-13) 2) Find a prostitute and marry her. ----Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3) 3) Find a man with 7 daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. ----Moses (Exodus 2:16-21) 4) Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. ----Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10) 5) Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. ----Benjamites (Judges 21:19-25) 6) Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you one rib. ----Adam (Genesis 2:19-24) 7) Agree to work 7 years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another 7 years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right 14 years of turmoil for a woman. ----Jacob (29:15-30) 8) Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife. ----David (I Samuel 18:27) 9) Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative of course.) ----Cain (Genesis 4:16-17) 10) Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. ----Xerxes (Esther 2:3-4) 11) Become sinless, and die in atonement for others, and you can marry a whole bunch of people. ----Jesus (Revelation 15?) 12) A wife?...NOT!!!("It is better not to touch a woman.") ----Paul (I Corinthians 7:32-35) 13) When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a...woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She is the one for me." ----Samson (Judges 14:1-3) 14) Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. ----Solomon (I Kings 11:1-3) 15) Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea, it's the law). ----Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth) 16) Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose 4 sons though). ----David (2 Samuel 11) You have no idea how comforting the Bible can be for former sinner like me. Gotta go to the prayer meeting now at the Dew Drop Inn. Snake, the Earl and Dui are all reformed sinners like me. Bubba Dear Bubba, So which of the 16 ways did you use to get Edna as a wife? happy(gotawifetheoldfashionedway...Imarriedher)shrink
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