Postings from August 1-31, 2002

 

Date: August 31 & September 1, 2002  

Dear Marsha,

After going through major depression and beginning to come out of it, I don't blame you for fearing that you will fall back into the abyss. On some level it does need to consume a part of your time and if you didn't worry about slipping back, you would most likely be in denial. The key is not to eliminate these thoughts and fears, but to deal with them. My suggestion to you is a support group. Support groups have been very effective tools for people who have suffered from clinical depression and find it hard to cope with the day to day stresses of life. While medication may help relieve some of your symptoms, you need to feel both acceptance and validation in dealing with your condition.

Your psychiatrist or therapist may be able to help you find such a group in your area. You might also want to contact your Local Chapter of the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI). To access their web site and find your local affiliate click here. This suggestion isn't a quick fix Marsha, but if you do it for a period of time, it will help. Let me know how you are doing.

happy(nothingtofearbutfearitself)shrink

 

My husband went to a doctor for depression, he exhibited all the classic signs...mood swings, sleeping too much or not enough, afraid to leave the house at all, afraid to talk to people on the phone, swings in appetite...so this doctor prescribed 2 different drugs.  One was supposed to be for depression, one for him not being able to sleep.  Well I just read up on these two drugs and it truly scares me!  One of them is Depakote!!!!  he is not bipolar, they are comparing this drug to lithium!  He is extremely sensitive to any sort of medication, even Advil or Aleve!  the other one they prescribed is Trazodone, which makes sense, but I do not understand why they gave him both of these drugs.  I figured they would give him Zoloft or Paxil or even Prozac for the depression and maybe Xanax for the sleeping problem!  Can you give m any insight into these 2 drugs and if you should take them together?  Please, I am very worried about him taking them!!!! Thanks so much for any help you can give me!

Dee

Dear Dee,

Depakote was first used to treat people suffering from epilepsy. In recent years it is more commonly used to treat bipolar disorder. Compared to Lithium, it has somewhat milder side effects and a much lower toxicity level for most individuals. Depakote is still a drug that can have significant side effects and should only be taken for a psychiatric condition when properly prescribed by a psychiatrist who has taken a full medical history. If your husband is not suffering from either a seizure disorder or bipolar disorder, I don't understand why he would be prescribed this medication either.

Is the doctor your husband saw a psychiatrist? If he isn't, you should get your husband to see a doctor whose is a Board Certified Psychiatrist. Perhaps your husband does suffer from bipolar disorder, but then the doctor should have mentioned that to you or your husband. As a consumer, your husband has a right to know why he is being prescribed a medication and what kinds of side effects may occur. Whether you go back to this original doctor, or see a new physician make sure you know what the diagnosis is and how the medications are supposed to help. Good luck Dee and please let me know how your husband is doing.

happy(consumeradvocate)shrink

 

Dear Happy,

This just about sums up my day at work today:

Judiblueye

Dear Judi,

I would demand time and a half for having to shuffle all those cards. Can you imagine if you tried to play minesweeper manually? That could put you on disability. The woman sitting next to you looks just like JeWitch. I'm surprised she even bothered to stay at work with her computer down.

happy(getyourcarpaloutofmytunnel)shrink

 

Date: August 28, 2002

Dear Happy,

High School SUCKS. I feel like a zombie. It completely drains you and when you get home, all you do is sleep and eat and feel like shit when you aren't sleeping or eating. It's only the second day ad I'm already profoundly depressed and I want to die or something. Not only that but I can't leave my house for 3 weeks for legal reasons I am not supposed to discuss and it's even more depressing.

Second day, freshmen year and I'm already thinking about dropping out. I really don't think I'm going to make it through without a little boost or something. I'm thinking Adderall. The only thing that can save me now are some good prescription drugs. If I don't do something, by the end of the year I will be a walking, talking dead person. Maybe I already am. I want to be somewhere cool wrapped up in a blanket and I want to be awake, and not just semi-alive, and I want to be happy. Is that too much to ask for? Will I be this way forever? It's only gotten worse over the years. I don't know who to talk to and what to do and I think I may be going crazy.

I need a cigarette. I mean, we drag ourselves through high school, which, face it, really DOES suck, then we go to college, then we get some dead job, then we get our monthly paycheck then we die. What's the point? Are YOU happy? How can anyone be happy? From now on I'm going to pursue happiness wherever it lies, and it's NOT in school. So why bother? I have a limited amount of time on this earth and why shouldn't I spend every second however the hell I want?

I've never been this depressed before in my entire life, so I think I'm going to go take a cold shower  and then do my homework and then take like 5 advil because I've had a constant headache for about 3 days now. Hope life is better with you,

Feces

Dear Feces,

Life is better with me. Yes, I too went to high school (And there were times that it really sucked), then went to college and graduate school (sometimes that sucked too), then got a job (actually a number of them over the past 25 years) and today as it has been for most of my career, I get a bi-weekly paycheck; and someday... eventually I will die. 

So why am I so happy (without even being on medication)? Because in between some of those humdrum activities I stopped along the way to smell the roses. I developed wonderful friendships. I learned exciting and wonderful things about life and I still marvel at some of its mysteries. I laughed during times of triumph and I cried during times of tragedy. I made mistakes in my life that I still regret and think about every day. I have also done a lot of good things that made me feel like I have made a difference in the world. I have fallen in and out of love, and then fallen in love again. I have burdens that I dread every day and I also have hopes and dreams for the future. That's why I'm happy.

So how can you become happy? You can start by not referring to yourself as feces. Maybe you need to see yourself as someone who is growing and changing every day. Maybe you need to think about all the wonderful gifts that you have been given (including a pretty intelligent mind) and think about all the wonderful ways you can use them. Maybe you need to think about all the things you can do rather than get depressed about the things you can't do. 

House arrest will end soon but you will still be in jail unless you do something about freeing yourself of this wet blanket you wear. Medication may help to ease your pain, but you have to make a decision about making your life meaningful. Nobody else can do that for you, but nobody else can stop you from being the person you want to be either. Make your life have meaning. I know you can do it.

happy(itsbettertolightonecandlethantocursethedarkness)shrink

 

 

Date: August 25, 2002

Dear LF,

There are no clinical studies that I am aware of that have found antihistamines to directly cause clinical depression, but some of their side effects can be similar to depressive symptoms. Antihistamines can often cause drowsiness, loss of appetite, irritability and headaches. Similar symptoms can also occur when someone is clinically depressed. Usually though, these symptoms subside as one's body adapts to them. In some cases though, people have more severe or allergic reactions to antihistamines. Those individuals suffering from asthma, heart disease, glaucoma, ulcers, seizure disorders, thyroid problems and high blood pressure may not be able to tolerate certain antihistamines. Even people without those conditions may not develop a tolerance for extended use of antihistamines and they may experience feelings somewhat similar to depression.

Lastly LF, there are people who already suffer from depression who may be on medications that interact unfavorably with antihistamines. The depression medications most commonly known to interact unfavorably are MAO inhibitors such  Nardil, Atapryl, Parnate, Phenelzine and Selegiline. It is very important that when you are prescribed an antihistamine by a doctor or even purchase an over the counter antihistamine, you discuss the other drugs you are taking with a doctor or pharmacist. I hope this answers you question. Please feel free to write again.

happy(allergictohealthyfood)shrink

 

To whom this concerns,

I am emailing you on behalf of suggestion by family. For the past two months I've been exceedingly worried about everything in life. I guess it started when I sorta had a panic-attack about death, where I came to terms with something that I thought only middle-aged people have, my own mortality. Then, right after that episode, my girlfriend for almost a year broke up with me which added a big weight of grief on my shoulders. And now I'm worried about going on these airplanes in a week, two to my destination, two back, which has me going sick just thinking about what could go wrong.

My worry is that in all the careful precaution over terrorism, everyone has forgotten the actual maintenance of the aircraft! What makes it worse is that I am normally not like this! Two months ago I didn't fret over death, or worry about air travel, I didn't even give the thought of me and my girlfriend breaking up much worry either. And with me starting my first year of high school, its just even more worry. I'd like to know if this will go away in time, if not when I die in a heap of burning wreckage of former airplane, or if this is serious and needs professional assistance. I really hope you get this and respond soon, I'm even worried about that!

Sincerely,

T

Dear T,

It sounds to me like you are suffering from an anxiety disorder. This is not as unusual as you might think. All of us were traumatized by the events of 9/11 and it brought all of us more in touch with our mortality. I can tell you that when I flew for the first time after 9/11, I was more anxious than I think I had ever been flying on a commercial plane. Add to that your grief from breaking up with your girlfriend and the anticipation of starting High School, it's not surprising that you are both worried and depressed. 

These feelings will go away over time, but there are some things you can do to speed up the process. I would speak to your parents about making some arrangements for you to see a therapist for awhile. In therapy, you can talk about your feelings as well as your fears. By discussing these feelings and fears, it will help you to get over them faster. High School should be a really exciting time for you. Not only will you learn a lot of cool stuff but you will develop new and more profound friendships. Don't let your anxiety get in the way of that T. Get the help you need now and start to enjoy all the things that life has to offer. Yes, there will always be danger out there, but if we choose to live in fear of danger, we will limit our capacity for success, happiness and love. Don't let that happen to you. Please write me back and let me know how you are doing.

happy(Ohtobeinhighschoolagain)shrink

 

Dear JeWitch,

When you decide to go shopping for undergarments, spare me the details.

happy(inmynextlifeI'llbeashoesaleman)shrink

 

Date: August 24, 2002

 

Dear Happyshrink,

I am starting school again in August and my major is Psychology, what a shock, after enrolling I started asking people questions and I am a little overwhelmed with all the possibilities.  My therapists believes that I should do what I want, but of course he leans toward getting the PhD, and why not, he is one.  My group therapists told me that LCSW get put on more of the insurance lists than do LPC, but then I would have to change my major to Social work, or I guess I could do a double major and be ninety when I actually get enough education to do something. Then I look at some of the names listed on the walls and boards of various businesses and I see, MS, AAMFT, LMFT, my head swirls and I get dizzy.  So, I would like to ask my favorite shrink what he thinks about all the possibilities and maybe he could explain what some of this stuff is.  Here are my goals:
I don't want to be in school forever I want to combine psychology and massage for a mind body psychotherapy. Research is a possibility With these things in mind, maybe you could help me out.

Thank you
confused shrink of the future

Dear confused shrink of the future,

As someone who's credentials are based in New York, I can tell you all you need to know about various certifications and licensures in that State along with the various acronyms. Unfortunately, you live in another part of the country that have different licensures and certifications. In most States, their Higher Education Departments are responsible for certification and licensure of professions that require both educational standards as well as passing an exam that demonstrates knowledge and competency. 

I would recommend you contact that State agency and get a listing of all licensed and certified professions. Then, once you have that listing I would identify all the professional areas you might be interested in. Each of those professions have at least one and possibly more professional organizations that promote the profession. For instance, in Social Work, there is the National Association for Social Workers, the American Board of Examiners in Clinical Social Work and the Clinical Social Work Federation just to name a few. There are numerous professional organizations in Psychology, Counseling, Psychiatric Nursing, Psychiatry, Substance Abuse Counseling, etc. All serve to promote their professional status, add to the body of knowledge in their field (through research) and lobby for political and social reform within the mental health field.

The Internet is a great resource for finding such organizations. You should be able to locate local chapters in your area. They can give you all the information you need to know about these professions and where your own personal goals may fit in. While I am a social worker and believe it to be a great area of concentration for someone wishing to enter the field of mental health, I realize it is one of many roads that people can choose. You must choose the one that's best for you and not the one that is best for me or for your therapist. This is an exciting time of exploration and even though it may make your head swirl a bit, it's worth the research. Good luck and update me on the things you find out.

happy(thenobilityofanyprofessionisinthepeoplewhopracticeit)shrink

 

Dear Happy,

I told you 'bout how Bubba lost his job but I have an even sadder story to tell you. DUI was doing so well in his rehab program that they gave him a community service position as a "Scoutmaster at our local Boy Scout Camp. Real scoutmasters are hard to find out here and bein that DUI had all this outdoor experience, they let him use it as a way of paying back his debt to society. Well it all went bad and now DUI is back in jail because of this silly letter that one of the kids wrote to his mommy. If Andie or Andy sent me a letter like this one I woulda been pleased as punch but some parents don't see it that way. I some people just want to raise a bunch of sissies.

Edna

Dear Mom,

Our scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and were worried. We are OK. Only one of our tents and two sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up the mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yes, please call Chad's mother and tell her he is OK. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it wasn't for the lightning. Scoutmaster Walt got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can will blow up? The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did. Also some of our clothes. John is going to look weird until his hair grows back. 

We will be home two weeks if Scoutmaster DUI gets the car fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked OK when we left. Scoutmaster DUI said that a car that old you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance, or a driver's license. We think it's a neat car. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the fenders. It gets pretty hot with 10 people in a car. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrolman stopped and talked to us.

Scoutmaster DUI is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Terry how to drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we ever see up here is logging trucks This morning, all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster DUI wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Chad was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. Scoutmaster DUI isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the lifejackets. He has to spend a lot of the time working on the car so we are trying not to cause him any trouble. 

Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Dave dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Wade and I threw up, but Scoutmaster DUI said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. 

I have to go now. We are going to town to mail our letters and buy bullets. Don't worry about anything. We are fine.

Love, Jordie 

P.S.: How long has it been since I had a tetanus shot?

Dear Edna,

I am sure the happy campers at the Central Florida Boy Scout Camp will have memories that will last a lifetime. It will also make the psychotherapist in the area quite happy considering all the cases of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder they will have to treat. I hope DUI learns more good lessons about life in prison.

happy(GoDirectlytoJailDoNotCollect$200.00)shrink

 

Date: August 21, 2002

Dear happy,

Since I am a generally unhappy person, should I just get used to it as the way I am? I mean, I read somewhere that people have different levels of happiness, so if you are unhappy, you may as well get used to it.

I'm 14 years old. this is ridiculous. my aunt killed herself by locking herself in a big freezer. You know, the kind they use in restaurants. but don't worry. that was before I was born.

In sixth grade, I used to blame my unhappiness on my friends. I was convinced they didn't like me and that's why they never called and boo hoo. I was so alone. by eighth grade I realized it was just me. and then there was no reason and that makes it even worse.

I don't know what my question here is. perhaps I want to know if I will end up like aunt Martha, but of course you don't know that. perhaps I'm scared that it's not just my general unhappiness, and there is some benign tumor festering inside of me. Some strange exotic mental disease that is dormant right now but at any point could burst. Every time it happens it gets worse. and I am 14. By the time I am 30 when there's an eruption it'll be so bad I won't be able to move. It'll be like a coma.

And then there's the extreme mood swings when I get so happy I become invincible and elated and short of temper since I was ten and washing my hands ten million times a day and having panic attacks when something goes wrong and writing notebooks upon notebooks full of lists and going out and buying 40 dollars worth of notebooks and staying up till 5 consolidating everything before realizing that I wasted 40 dollars and I've lost 40 pounds and i am incapable of love and sometimes I get deliriously violent and want to kill everyone and I cant stand most people and I have 3 friends no 2 no 1 no....I don't even care.

I don't dream anymore.

TR

Dear TR,

Three friends huh? Better than a lot of kids I know. Life may not be a dream but you do need to keep dreaming. You need to keep dreaming of a time when you will feel good about yourself and feel good about other people. You need to dream about becoming stronger and not weaker. You need to dream about a time when you will use that mind of yours for productive and exciting things. You have all the tools to do that TR. I know from your previous letters. Don't give up. Keep dreaming. Who knows; maybe some day you will have 4 friends no 5 no 6 no.....imagine all the possibilities.

happy(whatadayforadaydream)shrink

 

Date: August 18, 2002

Dear Happy, 

I have a daughter, 43 years old, who weighs about 450lbs. We, her and me, cannot talk about this subject. She gets teary eyed and starts to cry. On the other hand, she can be the life of the party and make fun of herself, and me, and laugh. She can keep me in stitches most of the time. I even asked her to write a script and try one of those comedy clubs. She is not shy, and she loves bars and Karioki type things. 

She visited me recently and I noticed how much bigger she was from the last visit which was about 6 months ago. I am at a loss, how do I tell her, or how do I motivate her to do something about her weight before she becomes 600lbs and has to be taken out of her bed by a derrick. I envision this many times in my thoughts. Lately her legs have been swelling up to tree trunks, I fear a heart attack.

Please tell me how do I help.

HI

Dear HI,

As parents, we worry about our children all our lives.  Our love for them is both a blessing and a curse.  I hear this in your letter.  The curse is that you see your "child," even though she is 43, with a condition that is unhealthy and perhaps even deadly.  You have also expressed in your letter a sense that all parents have of not being able to "fix" the problem because your daughter herself seems to be unable to talk with you about it.  

The blessing is that you do love her and as her mother, you more than anyone know how to talk to your daughter.  You might not be able to find the right words right now, but perhaps you can get her to see a doctor or other health professional who she can hear and may share some information.  Sometimes just knowing that a parent will be supportive and in contact is enough to motivate children to act on their own behalf.  It certainly sounds as if you will do that for her.

Morbid obesity is a serious problem and is one that has to be treated on many levels.  Obviously, losing the weight is a physical aspect that has to be addressed, but more likely than not there is also a psychological component that also has to be addressed.  Doctors who perform gastric bypass surgery for weight reduction often have on their staff a nutritionist to consult with a patient both before and after surgery, but also a psychologist to help the patient deal not only with the changes they experience from the surgery, but the reasons for the initial weight gain, body image and social conflicts.  Weight is not always a function of just eating too much.  It can protect us from people and from different situations.  Your daughter's sense of humor is a wonderful thing, but it may be the face she wants people to see and her weight is a way of hiding the parts that she does not want to share.

One thing that is important to remember is that your daughter didn't gain her weight overnight and will not lose it overnight.  This will be an issue for her most likely for the rest of her life.  Your love and support will go a long way in helping her and hopefully over time she will also seek love and support from a variety of sources, most importantly:  herself.  Good luck, HI, and please let me know how things go for both you and your daughter.

Happy(weightismorethanjustaheavyburden)shrink

 

 

Dear Happyshrink,

Well to no surprise, Bubba lost his job and is now in the county jail. He was at the Dew Drop Inn and forgot that he had to be to work at 6 am the next morning.  By the time he closed the bar and knocked a few more back in the back of Earl's truck, it was about 5 and he showed up at work smelling like Old Milwaukee.  This didn't set too good with his boss.  They told him to go home, take a shower and sober up.  They were also going to do something called writing up, and that's when Bubba got realy mad.  He said if they wanted a fight, that's what they would get and he punched the foreman in the nose.  The boss called the cops and when they showed up, some police woman started readin' Bubba his rights.  She only got as far as saying that anything he said can and would be held against him and Bubba yelled out "TITS!"  It looks like I'm gonna have to return that real nice foot washer that we just bought for the bathroom so I can have money to bail him out.  Don't that just STINK?!

Edna

Dear Edna,

It only stinks if you do more in that contraption than wash your feet. But then again, you can flush it and make the smelly stuff go away. Sorry about Bubba losing his job. I hope for his sake, you do hold something against him.

happy(hastherighttoremainsilentbutneverdoes)shrink

 

Date: August 17, 2002

Dear Happyshrink,

I have a friend who would not be considered dyslexia, in the normal sense, but she reads and writes up-side-down. Is there a medical name for this condition and are there any organizations I can contact to get more information about this?

NT

Dear NT,

Dyslexia is not a single symptom condition, but has many different features including the symptom you described your friend as having. No two people who suffer from dyslexia are exactly alike and the condition can vary from mild and on a continuum, go all the way up to severe. It is a perceptual learning disability that distorts the way the eye sees and the mind processes information. While the more familiar forms of dyslexia is that words appear backwards or like a mirror image, there can be other ways that the brain has difficulty processing written words and other information. 

There are many dyslexia web sites that give information and advertise treatment for these conditions. I don't promote sites that are marketing goods or services so I won't give you specific recommendations. Various search engines such as LYCOS and Yahoo will give you a lot of information that might be helpful to your friend in better understanding her condition.

What I would also recommend to your friend is that she sees a psychologist who specializes in perceptual learning disabilities and does testing of these conditions. Your friend would benefit from being evaluated. One of two things may emerge. Her condition might not be all that serious and she can go about her life reading and writing things upside down without too many problems. The other possibility that can emerge is that her condition is a problem that prevents her from reaching her potential. In that case, there are treatments for perceptual learning disabilities and she can get the help she needs to either minimize them or overcome them. Please let me know if your friend does get evaluated and what they come up with.

happy(rightsidealwaysup)shrink

 

 

 

Date: August 14, 2002

Hi Happyshrink,

I have a six year old niece who is a very nervous person, she complains of stomach ache all the time. She gets easily upset for the smallest incidents. But what I am most concerned about is her latest habit. She has been pulling out her eye brows to the point where she has hardly none left. She has a twin sister and they both have dark hair, there's no hiding the missing brows. Now she started pulling out her eyelashes. As a grown woman I know it's painful to tweeze eyebrows much less eyelashes. And to just sit there and pull them by hand! If you could please give me any information on this type of behavior and if she should be seen by a Doctor or not I would appreciate it.

Thank You,

NP

Dear NP,

This could be just a phase that your niece is going through, however it could also be symptomatic of something more serious. It is unclear whether or not your niece's anxiety is a reaction to things going at home or she suffers from some type of disorder. Stressors at home can cause some children to develop nervous habits and rituals. The fact that her twin sister doesn't seem to have similar symptoms in the same environment does not necessarily mean that there isn't something going on causing the distress. I would discuss these behaviors with her pediatrician and ask for a referral to a child psychologist. The psychologist will probably want to speak with the family as well. Both physical and psychological evaluations should be made to get the most complete picture of what is going on.

I would urge your niece's family to get these evaluations as soon as possible so that if there is something wrong, treatment can take place sooner rather later. Good luck NP and let me know what you find out.

happy(soonerratherthanlater)shrink

 

Dear Happy,

Bubba has a new job, the first one in 8 years. We are a little better off now and making so much money we don't know what to do with it. Bubba gets $67.50 a weak, so we thought we oughta do some fixing up. We went to Monkey Wards for one of them new bathrooms we been hearin about. It took a plumber to put it in shape. One side of the room has a big box, something like a pig trough, only you get in and wash all over.

On the other side is a little thing called a sink, but yonder in the corner we really have something. You put one foot in and wash it good, pull the chain and get fresh water for the other foot. Two lids came with the thing that we ain't got any use for in the bathroom, so I'm using one for a bread board and the other one had a hole in it, so I's using it for a frame for our wedding picture. That company is awful nice to do business with. A roll of writing paper came with the bathroom and since we don't write much so I'm using it to wrap Bubba's lunch in.

Edna Hoppenstetter

Dear Edna,

Considering the leftover roadkill you give Bubba for lunch, the paper you are wrapping it in seems quite appropriate.

happy(tiredofthesameoldsh**)shrink

 

Date: August 11, 2002

Dear Happyshrink,

I have a coworker who finds my sense of humor to be "dry." She feels like it is taken the wrong way by others and I feel like it is just in good fun. Example, I walked into her office and she was reading the newspaper. I said, "Wow, you're lucky, you get to read the paper." She said, "there is a work related article I am reading" and proceeded to say "comments like that make people feel like they are goofing off." I disagreed unless they have a guilty conscience. I don't spend time thinking of clever things to say, and what I say is only intended to be fun. Please advise on what is the best way to handle this?

D. J.

Dear D. J., 

What was your intent in making such a comment? How was this comment just in good fun and what "should" your co-worker have thought instead? Frankly, it sounds a little bit angry to me. There is a difference between dry humor and passive-aggressive innuendo. Let me give you an example of dry humor. About 25 years ago, I went to Maine on a camping trip with my wife (now ex-wife). We stayed at a camp site operated by a native of Maine who kind of sounded like that "Pepperidge Farm" guy. The camp site was located about 100 yards down the road from the shower facilities and when I walked down the road one morning in my bathrobe carrying a duffel bag, the man drove by in his tractor and paused to say hello as I walked by. He also said in his best deadpan New England accent, "Looks like the wife threw you out!" THAT'S DRY HUMOR!

Perhaps you meant nothing by the comment. Only you can really say for sure, but if people are offended by things you say, it's not good for you or the people you are speaking to. Often when one is more intimate with someone else, you can make comments that might normally put a person on the defensive but will not do so with a closer acquaintance. Having a good relationship with people that you work with is important enough to think carefully about how your comments affect others. A bit of thoughtful reflection goes a long way in not pissing off your co-workers. That's my advice on how to handle this situation. Let me know what you think.

happy(sometimesdryandsometimesallwet)shrink

 

Dear CH,

I can't tell you if your husband is faking it or if you are overly suspicious. I can tell you that the feelings you have about the situation is one that can be damaging to you as well as your marriage if it is not resolved. I would urge you and your husband to go into marriage counseling to figure out what is going on. A marriage counselor is bound by confidentiality and your suspicions could be aired openly. It would also help both of you to look at your relationship, look at the lack of trust that you feel and determine what the two of you need to do to have a happy future (together or apart). 

This sounds like a very difficult situation CH and it's not going to get any better unless you do something about it to get your questions answered. If your husband is not willing to go for marriage counseling, you might want to consider individual therapy for yourself. That will at least give you an opportunity to air your concerns and decide what to do about it. Good luck and please feel free to write me back.

happy(notfakingit)shrink

 

Dear Gind,

Thanks for the warning. It's bad enough that JeWitch lives in the deep South and is Jewish. Guess this really ruins all chances of her getting into one of them country clubs.

happy(sheshallovercome....someday)shrink