Postings from May 1 -15, 2002

Date: May 15, 2002  

Dear Happyshrink,

O.K. Happyshrink there are serious problems in dreamtime. I would rather not see the two of my children contaminated by their father - only my son who doesn't want to face it (the truth) that maybe silly old Mum was O.K. and it's his daddy who told and passed on all the lies . He's coming out of his "fugue" thank God. I prayed for a miracle as I do believe in them -as in AMAZING GRACE. Next he has to find the courage to move out of his father's little back room. My girls (per daddy) think my changed attitudes , and YES!!! sometimes actually being ANGRY are due to my use of mellow red when I can't bear living with the pain of their acceptance of his version of life.

SO I DON'T WANT MOTHER'S DAY. I will not accept patronizing , patriarchal MENDACIOUS love anymore . If this means I "lose" my daughters so be it. ------------- Judy of the DREAMTIME

Dear Judy of the DREAMTIME,

I don't know the situation that existed between you and your husband, nor do I know how your kids perceive the both of you. I don't even know if you drink too much of that mellow red for your own good. What I do know is that kids must find their own truth on their own terms. If one divorced parent begins to "badmouth" the other parent and the other parent responds in kind, all it accomplishes is showing your kids how angry and bitter the both of you are. Your children's love of their father is not a rejection of you and their love of you is not a rejection of him. If any parent subjects their kids to that competition, then shame shame on them. The one precious thing that a parent can give their kids that no other can give them is unconditional love. Even when you are pissed off at them, you can still give them unconditional love. I hope you can do that 365 days a year Judy. Don't lose your daughters. Find them and love them.

happy(unconditionallylovesallhisrottenungratefulkids)shrink

Judy of the DREAMTIME sends consolation:

Dear Hap 

- so sad that CHALUPA went away . We -us and our "pets" - are only MATTER we never leave , because we are really not MATTER but something indestructible that I guess we only understand when we go too. So Chalupa is still around those who loved her and those she loved . My daughter breeds ferrets and intends to do so in the U.S. whenever Harold Eck....... OOPs - pulls his finger out . She has three currently - Verity, Truckie, and Shosanna. Her smallest one Maya recently gave up the ghost and we buried her surrounded by little ancient OZ rocks and Alyssum. I still feel her *presence* although Tara says I'm in denial about this too. Hope this reaches you as yet again as nasty thingies have been raping my computer .

Judy of the DREAMTIME

Dear Judy of the DREAMTIME,

Thank you for your letter of condolence. I do believe that pets will always have a presence in our homes and that's not denial; its coping with loss. I would like to thank Judyblueye too for her condolence card. Pets are members of our families and their memories always live on. 

happy(lovedthatlittlehamster)shrink

 

 

Date: May 14, 2002  

This is in Loving Memory of Chalupa; Born on August 4, 2000 and Deceased May 13, 2002.

We all love our pets and miss them and there are never enough words to say just how special they were. Chalupa was a one-in-a-million hamster and gave all of us joy and love for her short life. We'll miss you, Chalupa.

~ Rikki ~ ~ Alex ~ ~ Steve ~ ~ Katie ~

Dear Happy,

For the past few months I have been really working on Anger, of course working on this did not manifest the way I thought it would.  For some reason mine decided to manifest in the physical and so I have been dealing with a gallbladder problem for a while.  The doctor wanted to do surgery, I opted for a natural approach, so after taking some Chinese herbs for three months I finally did the gallbladder flush.  I lost ten pounds, and believe it or not, I don't feel this overwhelming anger inside me.  

My therapist has been pleased with my progress, and he knows I am trying very hard to make steps forward.  Well, my next endeavor has just begun, in group last week I started focusing on Fear. This last week has been very difficult, I find it interesting how tired I have become. I have been having bad dreams, and I am more anxious when I am left alone, or when I am with large groups of people.  I ALMOST cried in front of my therapist, and that is something I just don't do.  As I look at this thing called Fear, I think I see that for me it is that feeling of no control.  At first I thought it was all about abandonment, but I think it's more about the control. Never feeling like I had any input or control over my life when I was very small, and even as I grew up.

It's not death I am afraid of, it's the thought of being left to the mercy of those who don't care about me and will let me suffer.  My thought has been that if I killed myself then I have control over when and how.  I do have a fear of being left alone, waking up one day and all those I love will have just disappeared.  So my mind set has been to push those I love away, so that I could control the aloneness. Basically, I would leave them, so that I would not have to suffer them leaving me.
Working with Fear is interesting, what I thought it was, it is not.  I think working through some of this will also bring about a trust level that I have never had.  It may leave me open to disappointment and hurt, but not leave me so devastated.
What do you think Happy, am I doing good, or am I just kidding myself?
At times I am afraid I'm getting worse, not better.  Is that what healing feels like sometimes?     

Methos

Dear Methos,

Getting better often means going through some difficult realizations. Fear is one of the hardest things for all of us to face and even harder to understand. It sounds to me like you are making progress in facing, understanding and overcoming your fears. That's something few people ever achieve. You are on the right road Methos. Keep trying and I'll keep listening.

happy(youcantrustmeonthat)shrink

 

Dear Happyshrink,

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body.  The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.  JESUS H CHRIST !!!  How about that !!

JeWitch

Dear JeWitch,

No thanks!

happy(keepinghisheadrightwhereitis)shrink

 

Date: May 13, 2002  

Dear Judiblueye,

Based on your interests, I have come up with the following careers, vocations, and personae that you make want to establish:

1-Jack Rabbit

2-Soap opera script writer

3-Selling TV's at an appliance store

4-June Cleaver

5-Computer Geek

6-English Channel swimmer

7-Fox News Commentator

8-Ghost Writer for Ann Landers

happy(stillcoloringhisownparachute)shrink

 

Date: May 12, 2002   Happy Mother's Day to all you MOMS

Dear Cnot,

Thanks for your serious questions. Here are my answers by the numbers:

1. The rates of mental illness will vary among different countries according to many factors. Countries who have sustained the trauma of war, disaster and poverty will be more likely to have higher incidents of depression. Scandinavian countries that are close to the north pole and have very long periods of darkness during the winter have a significantly high degree of suicide during these times. I have not seen any data on Schizophrenia occurring more or less in different countries. 

2. Sexual abuse may be defined differently in other countries and as such there may be differences in how data is kept on it. I do believe that individuals who are raped, molested and physically exploited against their will have some psychological damage no matter where they come from. 

3. Yes they do. But then again, the parents are equally weird. (OK not such a serious answer either).

4. I think we are learning a great deal about the mind over the past hundred years and it has advanced the knowledge base of psychiatry and psychology significantly, but I would also admit we have a long way to go.

5. I didn't even know there was less bipolar disorder in Arizona. Live and learn!

happy(gettingdowntoseriousbusiness)shrink

 

Dear Edna,

Here's what JeWitch came up with:

* Don't pet that dog; it will eat your face off.

* Don't go into the street; a car will run you over, and you'll end up like a banana pancake, and that includes your new shoes.

* Don't forget to wash your hands after playing in the sand. There are tiny eggs under your fingernails, that get into your mouth and hatch in your belly. Then, at night, worms crawl out of your bottom. (We especially like this one, because after we say it, we get at least a 10-minute break, as the kids discuss it quietly among themselves).

* Don't crawl into the refrigerator. There's green stuff on the leftovers, that's growing faster than you are. By morning, it'll break out of the plastic containers and eat you up.

* Don't touch the knives. You'll cut off your fingers, and then you can just say goodbye to things like ripping off your diaper, locking yourself in the bathroom, and poking the dessert just before the company comes.

* Don't stand around with your fingers in your nose. Other kids will think you're creepy and throw sand at you. Plus, their parents will wonder where you learned it.

* Don't unbuckle your seat belt. You might get put in prison, and then, you'll have to celebrate your birthday with a bunch of murderers, perverts, and lawyers.

* Don't bite the electrical cord. There's fire inside, and it will blow up your teeth. You'll never be able to chew paper, old gum off the sidewalk, or doggie kibble again.

* Don't try to climb over the balcony railing. You'll flip over the top and die. Then, you'll go to a place where a bunch of other bull-headed kids will hit you on the head, with a plastic rake, when God's not looking.

* Don't open the dishwasher, and jump up and down on the door. Mommy will have to call a repairman, and then Daddy will die.

* Don't put your tongue on that. A doggie went pee-pee there.

* Don't eat those mushrooms in the grass. Don't you remember the King in the Babaar book? He did that, then turned green and died. You hate green.

* Don't drink anything in the garage. It's all poison, and we'll have to take you to the hospital. They'll put tubes in your stomach to pump everything out, and you know it'll hurt when the Barbie head comes back up.

* Don't lick the pigeons. It's bad enough, we're feeding them moldy bread.

* Don't play in the fireplace. A reindeer went pee-pee in there.

* Don't hit Mommy's old computer with that toy hammer. If it breaks, Daddy will have to buy a new one. On second thought, here's a real hammer.

* Don't try to kiss the goat. It eats garbage, and will go after 'whatever that thing is' in your mouth.

* Don't play in the toilet. Remember, the toilet is dirty, even though it looks clean, and your cup is clean, even though it looks dirty.

* Don't keep wearing those old shoes. They're too small, and your feet will shrivel up, like the potatoes in the vegetable drawer, and you won't be able to run away from me.

Love,

 JeWitch 

Dear Jewitch and Edna,

Happy Mother's day to my two favorite MOTHERS!

happy(foralltheMothersoftheworld)shrink

 

Date: May 11, 2002 

Dear Happyshrink,

Can a person sustain PTSD from work? We have an employee who only comes in once a month to close out our books, and each month when she comes in there is chaos and hell. This is a dental office and we have a lot of different insurance issues, but generally things go well and there is not a problem. I am not involved with that as I am one of the assistants in the office. Well, to make a long story short, every month when this person comes in, I find that I will not feel well on that day or that I just become very anxious and want to leave. 

I have only started working there about 4 months ago after finishing school to become an assistant. I want to go on to become a dental hygienist and don't want to leave because the dentist I work for will pay for me to go to school. I also just bought a car and moved out of my parents house, so the income is necessary for my life. Please tell me what I can do. This is my first real job and I am 20 years old. I do not know what to do or what to say but am tired of the stress. It is like this every month.

Jane Doe.

Dear Jane Doe,

While you have described a stressful situation, I wouldn't consider it Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. If you had difficulty going into work every day I might see it as PTSD, but what you are describing is a condition where once a month you have to experience a very stressful and anxiety provoking situation. It is probably a normal reaction under the circumstances to feel like you don't want to be there. 

Since the rest of the time, your job seems fine and you have opportunities for advancement, I would not consider leaving. What I would consider is finding ways of reducing your stress levels during the day this person comes in. I have two suggestions. First I would make sure I got out to lunch (Instead of bringing back a sandwich to the office) and used that time to relax and get your mind off of work. Secondly, I would make sure that I had a lot of work to do that day, so I could keep busy with my own tasks and pay less attention to what is going on in the rest of the dental office.

As you develop more coping skills and gain more confidence in the work you are doing, you will find these monthly encounters less and less stressful. Since this is your first job out of school, the idea of a chaotic situation may not be what you expected in the world of work. To be honest, one chaotic day a month sounds like a better than average situation. Hang in there Jane Doe and feel free to write me again.

happy(stilllearningtolivewithchaos)shrink

 

Dear Happyshrink,

That friend of yours JeWitch thinks she's so smart. She offers up her "JeWisdom" like nobody else has had these thoughts. I just want you to know that my Gilbert is every bit as wise as JeWitch is. He has written some proverbs too and I think they are as smart as anything that has come out of JeWitch's mouth and any of her trailer trash friend for that matter. Here they are:

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Wear short sleeves - Support your right to bare arms!

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

All those who believe in psycho-kinesis raise my hand.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

 

So stick that up your nose JeWitch.

 

Mildred Thigpen

 

Dear Mildred,

 

JeWitch would stick that up her nose but she's waiting for the ice cubes to melt. Isn't it time for you to give Gilbert his ham and cheese and anchovy sandwich?

 

happy(skipsluncheverytimehegetsaletterfromMildred)shrink

 

Date: May 10, 2002 

Happy,

I was just thinking, this weekend is Mother's day and I am working on a GREAT Mother's day letter.  In the meanwhile, speaking of Mother's, I decided to send you this:

Yo mama's so fat, they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.
Yo mama's so fat, on Halloween she says "Trick or meatloaf!"
Yo mama's so fat, all the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mama"
Yo mama's so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it has to go down. 

Yo mama's so fat, she doesn't have love handles, she has a roll bar.
Yo mama's so fat, when I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall.
Yo mama's so fat, she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
Yo mama's so fat, she gets runs in her jeans.
Yo mama's so fat, when she auditioned for a part in "Indiana Jones," she got the part as the big rolling ball.
Yo mama's so fat, I had to roll over twice to get off of her.
Yo mama's so fat, she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
Yo mama's so fat, her nickname is "Damn."
Yo mama's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot-dogs.
Yo mama's so fat, she has to iron her pants in the driveway.
Yo mama's so fat, she has more nooks and crannies than a Thomas' English Muffin.
Yo mama's so fat, she jumped for joy and got stuck.
Yo mama's so fat, her car is made out of spandex.
Yo mama's so fat, she has to get out of the car to change the radio station.
Yo mama's so fat, she uses hula hoops to hold up her socks.
Yo mama's so fat, they had to baptize her at Sea World.
Yo mama's so fat, she's taller lying down.
Yo mama's so fat, even Richard Simmons laughs at her.
Yo mama's so fat and old that when God said "Let there be Light", he told her to move her fat ass out of the way.

That's all .. I got rid of the MEAN ONES !!

JeWitch

Dear JeWitch,

You got rid of the mean ones? Why the hell did you do that? I would have really liked to see those.

happy(Yomama'ssooldherSocialSecurityNumberis000000001)shrink

**Still waiting for a serious letter.

 

Date: May 9, 2002 

Dear Happy,

JeWitch and me went to the grocery.  You know she don't like cooking so I weren't surprised none, when she buyed pizza, hotdogs, bananas, coffee, and TV dinners.  We took her VW bus.  I asked her if I could drive it back to the trailer park.  When I looked in the mirror, you ain't gonna believe what I saw.  On her rear window it said, clear as day, RENO for Governor. Under that was her website OMIGOSH.COM.  I turned around to look and you couldn't read it cuzzin' it was backwards, but when you look in the mirror, you kin read it clear as day.  All of us here in the park is Republicans an' I think that RENO is a Democrat.  What in the world is she thinking?

Gind Rinker

Dear Gind,

I usually have an answer to everything but the one thing I can't tell you is what JeWitch is thinking. The only explanation I can give you is that she's spending way too much time with Mary, that liberal friend of hers. You know.... the one that thinks President Bush lost the election. I do have a question for Mary though. If Janet Reno defeats Jeb Bush, will her favorite slogan of "from mensa to moron" change to "from moron to menses?" I know that was a disgusting and sexist remark unworthy of the Happyshrink web page. Too bad!

happy(nobody'sperfect)shrink

**I'll post a serious letter to happyshrink just as soon as I get one!

Date: May 8, 2002 

Dear Happyshrink,

I finally had the carpal tunnel surgery done to my right hand. Unlike the last time, this guy sent me home with a fiberglass cast from mid-hand to mid-forearm. Yuck! The itching is worse than the pain from the surgery!

I went looking for advice about itchy casts and found something else entirely. Did you know there are websites for and about people who get off on putting casts on themselves? Complete with links to places that sell casting supplies! And I thought I was nuts!

Sincerely,

Judi(wishingIcouldbealeftyfor4weeks)blueye

Dear Judiblueye,

There are people who get off breaking their bones so they can be put in casts. The ones that put a cast on a healthy limb are pretty normal by comparison. If there is one thing you should have learned by coming to the #askhappyshrink chat group on Tuesday evenings is that you are not as nuts as you think. 

Two things to ease the itching worked for me when I broke my arm about 15 years ago; baby powder and Sangria. The baby powder goes in the cast and the Sangria goes in you. (That clarification was just in case you are more nuts than I think you are.) 

happy(gladyoucanstilltype)shrink 

 

Date: May 7, 2002 

Dear Happyshrink,

My mother has been on several medications as long as I can remember. She is 63 years old. I am 42. Just to name a few, she is on Vasotec, Haldol, Depakene, Cogentin, and Lasix. She has had 3 major operations: both hips replaced and shoulder replacement. At that time she weigh about 180 pounds, 5'3''. She decided to stop smoking and has gained about 60 pounds. She basically sits in a wheel chair or her lift chair during the day. The problem that my mother is having is her legs are filled with fluid.

Touching her legs if very painful. I have talked to the doctor and she has decided to increase her fluid medicine again. Sometimes, mom doesn't want to take more medicine because she has to go to the bathroom more. Now and then the fluid is coming out of her legs. Is there any other treatment that can be helpful.

Thanks for your time.

DC

Dear DC,

Your mother is on medication most often use to treat high blood pressure and heart disease. She is also on psychotropic medication used to treat schizo-affective disorder. Given both her physical and psychological symptoms, it is hard to do anything for her unless she is willing to do more for herself. I am sure her weight is a big factor exacerbating her medical problems. 

While I am not a medical doctor, I would suggest you have your mother evaluated by a cardiologist who can also refer her to a nutritionist and a physical therapist. She clearly needs to lose weight and if her heart is not too damaged, some form of exercise would probably be helpful. How much your mother's health can improve is also up to her and her willingness to work at it. I am sure this has not been easy for you and your family but all you can do is make sure she has good medical and psychiatric care and is encouraged to follow her treatment plan.

Please let me know how things are going. Good luck.

happy(motivationisasimportantasmedicine)shrink

 

Dear Happy,

Was goin' to a big hardware store by St. Cloud for a new belt for the washer.  Dui, that good man, is gonna put it on for me.  Probably he's gonna teach The Earl to put on the next one that breaks.  Well, on the way, I passed by the St Cloud Park.  They has a bandshell and cannons and next to 'em they had a fire engine and there was 2 tents without sides.  There was foldin' chairs kinda spread out and there was 7 people listenin' to some feller in the bandshell.

Well, me bein' a curious turn, I just hadda stop and ask what was goin' on.   Well who would be there in the first row but Gunner Coppafele and his new trailer tenant Hugh Jorgan.  I sidled up to 'em an asked what be goin' on.  He said it be The National Day of Prayer.  What you make of all that fuss for 7 people?
Cross the street at the Moose Lodge, the parking lot was full.  So I stopped by for a Shooter.

Gind Rinker

Dear Gind,

Sounds to me that the ratio of people praying to people drinking in St. Cloud is about the same as in your Trailer Park. No wonder you felt so much at home.

happy(leavinghometogotowork)shrink

 

Date: May 6, 2002 

Dear happyshrink,

I think the most positive thing you can do without your computer is try - I mean please TRY to recall what life seemed like when you didn't have a computer . Truly I feel for you (as opposed to suffering for you) as my life with a computer is like trying to read a road map . I'm left-handed and I thank my RAC (Royal Auto Club - BELIEVE THE ROYAL BIT - this is Oz and we are confused in this area ) every day and night for finding me . Now all I have to do is FIND MYSELF . Anyway even if I never "find myself" - whatever it means - it' fun trying . I bought one of those sunshields that are supposed to fight the hole in the ozone layer which is poised just above Oz - you put it over your front window in the car - and Hap (we shorten everyone's name here) - the instructions said " PLEASE DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DRIVE YOUR CAR WITH THE SUNSHIELD IN PLACE " -??? 

Good to know that even a mental health professional has battles with computers . I'm not being sadistic here - as I mentioned I feel for you - I don't want your sufferings ,although I feel for you , as I have enough of my own . DON'T FORGET TO BREATHE - love Judy of the DREAMTIME .

Dear Judy,

You know I took your advice and I tried to think back to before I had a computer. I couldn't remember a thing. Luckily, I went on the Internet and checked out what was going on before 1983. Thank goodness for those detective sites. I found out that I was married had a kid and living happily ever after. Then I got a computer. Go figure.

But the story doesn't end there Judy. Now I am immersed in the world of the Internet and I have a fiancée, a family and I'm living happily ever after again with a fellow computer geek. We have two computers, two Internet connections and neither of them work properly. How much better can life be? It's ok to be a little lost Judi. If you hang in there, someone will find you.

happy(loveislovelierthesecondtimearound)shrink 

 

Date: May 5, 2002 

Dear Happyshrink,

 

Dear Happyshrink,

I have a friend who has five kids. She tells her husband that she is turned on by watching him vacuum in the nude. It is not the nudity, but the fact that he is helping her with the housework which is the real turn on. A big baby, a little baby and a stepchild make for a lot of vacuuming!

My point is, if the lady with no post-childbirth libido is still breastfeeding, she is probably sleep deprived, her hormones are turning her body into a milk machine for an ever increasing appetite, and with an older child and an older baby in the home, she can't even rely on taking a nap when the baby is asleep. If her husband was on that kind of 24 hour schedule and had his testosterone hormonally suppressed by lactation, there's no way he'd feel like doing anything sexual either. Pump some milk and let daddy take the night feeding shift for a few days and see how interested he is then! Seriously, exhaustion is a big part of this picture. If dad can help out with some of the baby jobs so mom can get enough rest, I bet she'll be a lot more interested.

Sincerely,

Judi(spent2.5yearsnursingbabies)blueye

Dear Judi,

Thanks for clearing two things. You have explained eloquently why TM (May 1 letter) seems to lack a sex drive after having two kids and you have also explained to me why WindNWillows likes me cleaning the bathroom naked.

happy(won'tfallforthatlineagain)shrink 

 

Date: May 4, 2002 

Dear Happyshrink,

Dear Jen,

While your symptoms describe a mood disorder, I can not say for sure that this is your problem. I would suggest that you do two things in order to determine what is wrong with you. First you should see your family physician and get a complete physical to rule out that you have a medical problem. If there are no physical reasons for your mood swings, then I would ask for a referral to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist will be able to make a full assessment of your symptoms, and develop an appropriate treatment plan which may include psychotherapy and/or medication.

It sounds to me like you have been suffering with this for awhile Jen. Don't suffer any longer and don't jeopardize your relationship with your boyfriend. Get the help you need now! let me know what happens. Good luck.

happy(whenpeoplegetthehelptheyneed)shrink

 

Dear Happyshrink,

What's wrong with this picture?

JeWitch

Dear JeWitch,

Everything!

happy(morefrighteningthanGindandtheEarlswedding)shrink

 

Date: May 3, 2002 

Dear Happy,

Why should a person WORK at a marriage ? Staying too long in my marriage , working at it , nearly drove me mad and exposed my children to things they should not have had to see and hear. Well that bit's out of the way. Americans think koalas and kangaroos and quokkas and emus etc; are cute. This is because they don't understand that all and many, many more don't think humans are cute . Well in away I agree - a lot of humans aren't sweet and cuddly - but then neither are koalas - I think the ones they show the tourists have had frontal lobotomies or worse. Now , I got thinking about the laughter thing - and I remembered my mother always saying - "if you don't laugh you've got to cry" . Mmmmm. Lately I've been having sudden "sad " attacks and wanting to cry - so I cried and I felt it was a good thing - it wasn't depressed tears just sadness for me and the fact that I didn't learn to value myself till nearly too late. 

I bought a stick on the wall thing that says "STRESS !!! THE CONFUSION CREATED WHEN THE MIND OVERRIDES THE BODY'S DESIRE TO CHOKE THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF SOME ARSEHOLE WHO REALLY DESERVED IT ." I was thinking of my long lost ex-husband at the time, walking along in a shopping mall and muttering . My daughter is going to marry an American and I don't want to lose her . I'll catch a sugar glider and instead of throwing on the barbie , I'll send it over. Love to all of you -

Judy from downunder, the BEAUTIFUL land of Oz.

Dear Judy,

I believe that working on a marriage includes determining when it's time to end it. When abuse and infidelity are among the problems, it's usually best to cash in your chips. There are other reasons for ending a marriage too. What is most important when a marriage ends is that one still feels that they are valuable individuals that are still lovable and still capable of giving love. 

It sounds to me Judy that this might be an issue for your. This is heightened by the fact that your daughter is leaving the nest. Having a crazy neighbor probably doesn't help things either. Perhaps laughing is a camouflage Judy. Perhaps what you are really doing is crying behind the laughter. If this is the case, I would suggest you might consider seeing a therapist. I'm not trying to get rid of you Judy. I will still respond to you letters, (not necessarily all of them though), and will try to help you deal with the problems you have with humans as well as marsupials. But as I have told many people who write to me, the Internet is not the best way to get therapy. Please consider what I am saying.

As far as those of us "up over" in the Northern Hemisphere, we are quite taken with some of those fuzzy and cute critters you have down under. I myself prefer to enjoy them while visiting a zoo, but my fiancée (there....I said it Wind) was considering getting a pair of sugar gliders before I talked some sense into her. Koalas are certainly out of the question.

happy(withahamsternamedchalupah)shrink

 

Dear Happy,

It's really somethin' how kids grow outta shoes.  An' the price of 'em will set you back some.  Jewitch an' I went to the mall to get some for Harley.  When we was leavin' the shoe store, Jewitch slipped over to the Starbucks an' got a really hot cup of coffee.  She took off the cover an' give the hot coffee to a feller in the center of the walkway in a wheel chair.  He thanked her for her kindness an' started to wheel away.  Usin' only one hand, the chair went in circles.  JeWitch threw back her head and laughed and headed for the exit.

Gind Rinker

Dear Gind,

I wonder if JeWitch might be related to the great baseball player, Ty Cobb. Once old Tyrus was at bat and was being heckled by a fan in the stands. Ty Cobb dropped his bat and rushed into the stands only to realize that the man doing the heckling was in a wheelchair. The Hall of Famer then proceeded to beat the crap out of the man. Now there was a ballplayer with principles. If Ty Cobb was the George Peach, JeWitch must be the Florida Orange.

happy(LikesJeWitchbestwhenshe'sfreshsqueezed)shrink 

 

Date: May 2, 2002 

hi happyshrink,

I really need some help here. I have been in a relationship with a girl who has just been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. If I told you the story could you help me make sense of it all? Many thanks. 

dave

Dear dave,

I would be happy to hear your story and give you my feedback. Being in a relationship with someone who suffers from BPD is like a roller coaster ride. The fun times are really great and the bad times can be torture. While I don't know the severity of your girlfriends condition I would say to you that if your relationship is to have any possibility for success, your girlfriend needs to be in treatment and that may also include the two of you in couples counseling. Please write me back and tell me more about your situation dave.

happy(willingtocrosstheborderline)shrink

 

 

Date: May 1, 2002 

Dear Happyshrink,

I am in a long lasting loving relationship with a wonderful man. In the past 2 years I've had 2 children, adopted a stepdaughter, built a house, and started a new job. Since my first pregnancy I've had no sexual drive. I don't know if it is because of stress, because I'm constantly busy, because I'm no longer happy with my looks (even though my husband still finds me attractive and lets me know in every way he can), or if the problem is physical. When I do have sex, (maybe once every 2 weeks because I start felling sorry for my husband) I'm uninterested, and cannot have an orgasm. 

This is starting to be a problem in my marriage. My husband is worried that it is something he's doing, but I feel like my problem is in my head, that I have no desire, and for some reason it is tied to my emotions or hormones. Is there anything I can do to enhance my drive that is safe to do while breast-feeding? Is there any way to reassure my husband that this is not his fault?

TM

Dear TM,

Your problem is a common but difficult one. There are both physiological as well as psychological reasons why women lose some of their libido after having a baby. Perhaps it's nature's way of controlling population growth. I would consult with your physician as to a safe treatment that he/she might recommend. There are some holistic herbs and roots that are supposed to revitalize the sex drive and that might be worth looking into as well. 

On the psychological front, both men and women often become so focused on being "mom" and "dad" that they forget that they are husband and wife. Women have the added issue of body image as they often undergo physical changes as a result of the pregnancy. Diet and exercise may help, but your body is always going to be in the process of changing. For that matter, your husband may also put on a pound or two. The important thing is that you accept each other even with imperfections. 

For these issues, I do recommend that you make a conscious effort to have regular and consistent "alone time" where you can focus on your relationship and not the kids. It could be dinner out, or taking in a movie or better yet, taking a long walk holding hands. During that time you should refrain from talking about the kids (much harder to do than you might think) and focus the conversation on things that the two of you would like to do together.

Keeping your romance alive is hard work TM. Especially since the time the two of you have alone is limited. Make good use of that time. Don't be afraid to try new things to spice up you sex life. You can get that old feeling back TM. Make it happen.

happy(startingtoblush)shrink 

 

Dear Happy,

I was pissin' an' moanin' about all the hair on the bathroom floor.  It ain't mine cuz it be dark brown.  When I told The Earl, him having longer hair than me, he started to hiperven....hyparvant....breathing heavy an' panicing.  The Earl say he's gonna lose all his hair.  So first off, he run to the 7-11 to get a 12 pack to calm down.  Then Dui an' Snake come over to do a think tank.  I told 'em, there ain't nothin' wrong cuz  they was all shaved balled last year an' got lots of hair now.  They wouldn't hear nothin' of it. They decided to go to the barber an' shave there heads again an' freeze the hair to get Hair Club to plug it back in when they is bald.
We probably gots to start saving the money now.  Men are crazy bout there hair, ain't they?

Gind Rinker

Dear Gind,

Yes men are crazy about their hair. Especially when you get a think tank of the Earl, Snake and Dui. There must be at least 150 IQ between them. I guess that's why they came up with such a good idea.

happy(savingmyhairinacigarbox)shrink