Letters April 1 -15, 2002

I have bipolar disorder. I see a psychiatrist and counselor. I wanted to ask you about a symptom I have of mood. I hate the sunlight. I am not a vampire- I promise. I just can't stand bright light in the house and I hate it when sunlight comes through the windows. When I see my counselor- she has the lights off for me so all the light in the room is from outside. I don't even notice half the time. Why am I this way? I like to have the blinds closed in the house and want to have dark curtains in my room so I don't have to deal with it. Any info you could give me would be appreciated. Thank you

There are a number of possibilities that can be related to you aversion towards sunlight. First let's look at physical possibilities. Sometimes people who have fair skin and have had bad experiences with sunburn may have an aversion and even fear of sunlight. They may have been taught from the time they were little to be very careful when they are out in the sun. A second physical possibility is that there are a number of psychotropic medications that can give you an adverse reaction when you are exposed to sunlight. These reactions can include dizziness, headaches, tremors, disorientation and other symptoms as well. At the facility I work in, we always caution our patients about this and suggest they wear a hat and sunglasses when they go outside during bright sunny days.

There might also be some psychological reasons related to your condition. Your aversion to the sun could be a result of an early traumatic event in your life that happened in bright sun. Your mind may experience brightness as being a danger to you. Another possibility may be directly related to your bipolar disorder. During your depressed mood, darkness in some ways mirror how you are feeling and give you comfort. I would wonder if your aversion to sunlight changes at all when you are in a manic or elated mood?

I think it's interesting that you mentioned that your counselor uses sunlight to illuminate her office when you see her. Perhaps you associate this type of light with being analyzed or exposed. Being in therapy often makes us feel very vulnerable and your experiencing sunlight seems to occur during that same time period. So what do you do with all those theories L? I think you need to discuss them with your counselor and with your psychiatrist. There is obviously a significance to all of this given the fact that it motivated you to write me a letter. Exploring it further may give you greater insight into yourself and help you with your condition. Please let me know what you think as well as let me know what your counselor and psychiatrist have said. Good luck.

At least you won't have to wash the glass. All you have to do is throw it away. Lucky you!

I am often angry. Not at anyone, and I never show it. What I mean is, I will imagine myself in situations where I'm having to defend myself or fight with someone. These daydreams are so real sometimes (not hallucinating, I just really get into them), that I start talking to myself as if what's going on in my dream is happening in life. I often feel angry, anxious, desperate, or about to cry. I have a horrible time concentrating at work or while studying. Why am I so angry? I have no reason to be!

Very often, the true reasons why we are angry, desperate or anxious are repressed and lay buried in our unconscious. While our unconscious is pretty good at blocking these thoughts most of the time, they can sometimes make there way to our dreams, daydreams and feelings. They will often be disguised in symbolism or manifest itself in a symptom such as anxiety. The reason why our unconscious blocks these thoughts are because they often relate to a traumatic event. Perhaps you have had a traumatic event in your childhood or more recently. You may intellectually feel that you have worked through this trauma but your symptoms say something different.

Considering that you are having difficulty concentrating on your work and studies, it would seem that this condition needs some treatment. I would urge you to see a psychotherapist so you can explore these feelings and perhaps uncover their cause. By doing so you can work through whatever issues are causing you to feel angry anxious and desperate. Get the help you need now EE. You will feel better and be more in control of your future. Please write me again and let me know how you are doing.

So you finally throw the one earring away and just as you see the garbage truck pulling away from the house and heading down the street you find the missing EFFING EARRING and you have to pierce your EFFING NOSE because you are so EFFING PISSED OFF for not waiting ONE MORE EFFING D ...

Probably one of those G-D kids of mine wore it and lost it .. that's why I never buy them anything ..... ungrateful little bastards, or your old man used the tip of the earring to clean some gunk out of his belly button and broke it and tossed it in the trash because he is a no good ....

It would probably be better if the next time you email me, you do it when you are by yoursel.... er........ nevermind. Send my regards to JeWitch and Edna.

Are JeWitch and Edna real people? They seem interesting. Do you want to hear a traumatic story? I choked on my tuna fish sandwich in the shower yesterday. I also spilled some bread and it got caught in the drain. It was good tuna though.

It would probably be better if the next time you you eat a tuna fish sandwich, you eat it when you are in the kitche....er......nevermind. Send my regards to Clothes Dryer.

Recently I find that I have been having mood swings. I can't sleep at most night and yet some days I can sleep for hours on end but I'm always tired. I can't concentrate on anything and seem to be losing interest in things I use to enjoy.

I have been feeling depressed for a while now, there is this empty, lonely feeling I can't shake away. At times I find myself crying at night. It is now 3.30am in the morning, I feel so hyper it scares me. Tell me, how serious is my problem and how can I stop this?

I can't tell you how serious your problem is, but I would urge you to be evaluated by a psychiatrist. Many people suffer from depression and mood swings. It can be due to a chemical imbalance in the brain and it also be related to events in your life that are causing distress. Treatment for depression, anxiety and sleep disorders can include psychotherapy as well as psychopharmacology. A good psychiatrist will diagnose your condition and formulate a treatment plan. You don't have to suffer Jacko. Get the help you need now. Let me know how you make out.

Our granddaughter, even though just 13 months when our daughter moved out from our Son-In-Law, definitely was upset. She was more clingy, whiney, just plain showed signs of stress. When our daughter moved back in with our Son-In-Law our granddaughter was very happy. When daughter & Son-In-Law were apart our granddaughter would get very upset if we got her from our daughter. Right after they got back together I was at their apartment and granddaughter got mad that I didn't take her with me when I left. It was like she was saying "Everything is where it belongs now, so now I want to go play with grandma because mom & dad will be here when I get back". I've tried to point out to our daughter how our granddaughter has been affected through all this. She doesn't see it, unfortunately.

I think what is nagging at me is thinking there must have been something I didn't do or something I did wrong that caused my daughter to be like this. I know that is not true, but it doesn't stop me from thinking 'Is there something I need to do to help our granddaughter?'. I guess the best I can do is love her and be here for her.

Once again, you have answered your own question and have given yourself the best advice. As parents, we take way too much credit and way to much blame for how our kids turn out. We may understand that intellectually but that doesn't mean we still don't have feelings of guilt and regret. That comes with the territory of parenthood. But there comes a point where our children become the rulers of their own destiny and we can only sit by and be supportive.

You are a great grandmother and your granddaughter is lucky for that. Children need consistency in their lives and right now you are the only one providing that to your granddaughter. It will make a difference. You can only hope that your daughter will begin to understand her responsibilities in parenting, but that's up to her. Keep up the good work.

Hello. I am Tyrone Edmonds, or as my friends call me, "Raw Meat". I got yourname from the prison Internet service. I want you to know right off, I never done what I got sent to prison for. I never beat up no guy at no bar and broke no beer bottles over his head and then threw him out no second-story window. No sir, I was framed. I never done that becuz at the exact time all that happened I was busy robbing a liquor store across town--and if I hadn’t a shot that liquor store clerk, he could have vouched for me too. Man, the system sucks.

Among other things, I really like Walt Disney. I got me many fond memories about Walt Disney from my childhood. I remember when my momma used to stand on the corner waiting for the johns to drive by and pick her up, she would give me twenty dollars and tell me to get lost and I would go to the movies and watch the same Disney film all day long. I know me all the words to Fantasia and Dumbo and That Darn Cat. And later, when I was about five and I wanted me a Mickey Mouse Bank, I shoplifted one from the toy store around the corner. I swore up and down after that that every dime I could steal or hustle I was gonna put in that bank ‘til I had me enough to go to Disney World. But, shit, Juvenile Hall and Reform School and prison sentences all got in the way of that. Man, the system sucks.

So, anyhow, I still like Walt Disney and once I’m all reformed and done with my time here, I’m gonna steal me a car and go to Disney World. The first thing I’m gonna do is find that Mickey Mouse and shake his hand and then ask him if he wants to go out for a few malt liquors or something. I’m gonna tell him my story and see what he says. I bet he’ll be impressed. ..... If he isn’t, I’ll just shoot him.

If you do make it to the Orlando area and need a place to stay, I would like to recommend the "No Name" Trailer Park. Just mention my name to the park manager, Edna Hoppenstetter. I'm sure she'll give you a good deal on a room and you will be delighted to know that there is a Denny's right down the block. Do me a favor though. I'm sure Mickey will be pleased as punch to meet you and will also be as impressed as I am with your story, but if he doesn't seem to be, don't shoot him. Shoot Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum instead. Thank you for your letter.

I have two questions:
      1) How do you know if you're crazy enough to need a therapist?
      2) What is the difference between genius and craziness? (I have been labeled with both)

your new crazy friend,

Both your questions have misconceptions that need to be cleared up before I can give you some answers that will be helpful to you. Your first question implies that you have to be crazy to need a therapist. That is not true. In fact, only a small percentage of individuals who are in therapy suffer from a severe and persistent mental illness that you might categorize as being "crazy." The majority of individuals who appropriately seek help are in life situations that have created stress, anxiety and/or depression. There are also individuals that suffer from relatively mild mental disorders that can be successfully treated with psychotherapy and perhaps some medication. The most severely mentally ill people often lack the insight to utilize psychotherapy and are treated primary through psycho-active medications. The real question might be, "Are you healthy enough to benefit from psychotherapy?"

Your second question implies a relationship between genius and craziness. I have met very smart people who suffer from severe mental illness and I have met very intellectually limited people who suffer from severe mental illness. If you are very smart (perhaps even genius) good for you. If you need to see a therapist because you experience some form of emotional discomfort, then I would urge you to do so. Your intelligence doesn't necessarily play a role in mental illness, except for the fact that if you don't seek help when you need it, you are being stupid no matter how intelligent you may be.

I always enjoy having new friends, crazy or otherwise Washing Machine. Please feel free to write me again and perhaps disclose more information on why you think you might be crazy.

Edna, as you may recall, is in the process of getting her memoirs published by the Disgusting House Press in Skin-neck-titty, New York. Edna’s editor, Mr. Larry Letcheris, told Edna she’s got her a real talent for writing. Edna already sent him three chapters-- Chapter One (Hooking in the Trailer Court) and Chapter Two (Ministers, Mayors and Other Good Clients) pleased him real well. He did not, however, care for Chapter Three (The Sexual Fantasies of Bithlonians). He said you really can’t have a chapter in a book that’s only two pages long.

Even though Edna is starting a new life as an author and all, she still misses the stage and her days as an exotic dancer. She longs for the greased pole and the hooting and the grubby hands that stuffed the money down into her G-string. She said there’s nothing like the thrill of dropping your top in front of a room full of red-blooded American males. It made her feel so giving-- sort of like Santa Claus or Mother Teresa. Now she says, as an author, she won’t be able to give as much to those men. It breaks her heart that she’ll only be able to reach the ones who can read.

I can certainly empathize with Edna's frustration about wanting to share her memoirs with as many people as possible and if you limit it to those who can read, you eliminate about 70% of the adult population of Bithlo and it's environs. Therefore, I have a fabulous idea that I hope you will suggest to Edna. ILLUSTRATE your book! So maybe Bubba and his buddies won't be able to read about some of your finest recollections. Maybe they will not even get to know that they are in some of those remembrances. But at least they'll be able to look at the pictures. And when you think about it, isn't a picture worth a thousand words? I'm really looking forward to this book Witchie. I'll bet you are too.

While I haven't been writing much, I have been reading the letters and paid particular attention to the one about clients that affected you. I guess that struck a bell because although I have tried therapy for long periods of time with several therapists, I just can't seem to connect with most of them. I have found one I like but even with him I seem unable to tell him how bad I feel most of the time. I seem to have a problem communicating with anybody and retreat further into my own world as time goes by. I am however actually coping quite well with everyday life, at the moment at least! The other thing is that all the jobs I have got are highly pressurized and it is extremely difficult to cope for long periods, however this is all I am qualified for. I dread the thought of not being able to work and ending up as a state patient in one of the government hospitals. (They are truly one of the worst places to be)

I am supposed to be getting married in November, but I am honestly terrified even though it is what I thought I wanted. Everything is so confused in my head right now although my family and fiancé keep on telling me how well everything is going and how proud they are of the way I have coped. I guess I am mostly afraid that one of these days the world is going to come crashing down around my ears and I won't be able to stop things from falling apart. Losing control is a real issue with me.

Therapy seems to mostly cover old ground and I haven't learnt anything new about myself in a long while. A therapist once told me that if I managed not to kill myself before I turned forty, things would get easier as I learnt to live with my condition. That's a long time away when you are 32. I guess I had better go now. Responsibility calls once more and sometimes it is doing what is required that helps to keep me sane...well sort of...OK...I am not and never have been sane :-) BTW I still have my duvet, although I swapped for a goose down one:-)

Shez

Dear Shez,

It's always nice to hear from you and I want to give you a big "Mazel Tov" on your upcoming marriage. I know you have been through a lot and life will never get easy but give yourself credit for being a survivor. After being in therapy for such a long time, there isn't a whole lot of your past that isn't in some way covering old ground. Perhaps the key then may be working in the present rather than the past. One form of therapy that might help you do that is something called, "Dialectical Behavioral Therapy" (DBT). I would look into it Shez. The person who developed it authored a wonderful workbook with some interesting activity sheets. Her name is Marsha Linehan and perhaps you can find the work book. Her text book on the subject might be interesting but will not be as helpful to you.

Things do get better as you get older, but I would urge you to enjoy the present and not fear it. You have conquered many demons and there is no reason why you can't continue to do that, especially with someone special in your life who loves and supports you. Add to that a goose down duvet and how can you lose. Please continue to write me whenever you need a "mental hug."

PS: I have a goose down duvet too ;-)

happy(stillunderthecovers)shrink

Thought you would like to know that I nominated Edna for the "BARMAID OF THE YEAR" competition. It would give her something to look forward to during her drive back from "Israel." Since the bar owners comprise the largest number of business owners in Bithlo ( East Orlando ) (there are twenty bars in this town of 3,500) they sponsor this competition for barmaids. They judge the contestants on: tits, ass, best dirty joke, number of consecutive smoke rings blown and distance one can flick a beer cap.

Contestants are also encouraged to work up a little talent routine to showcase their special abilities. The winner this year was SHIRLEY SUE of the Bithlo Tap. Shirley Sue wowed the judges by playing "Amazing Grace" with her armpits. In fact, when she was done, there wasn’t a dry eye in the place.

Second place went to MARGE ESTROKREIN from the Laid Off Lounge. Her talent contribution was ventriloquism. Marge dressed her breasts up as Siskel and Ebert. For the record, neither one of her breasts liked any of the films out this spring (but then, what can you expect from a couple of boobs.)

Esther Bleakley took third place. (from The Alibi) She burped the "Star Spangled Banner." Last place went to "our gal" Edna Hoppenstetter of the Dew Drop Inn. Edna sucked the pimento out of an olive that was five feet away from her. She didn't walk away with the title of "Barmaid of the Year", but she did receive several marriage proposals.

While I am disappointed that Edna did not win the Barmaid of the Year Award, I do give her a lot of credit for her still trying after 20 years. I guess she might be considered the Susan Lucci of Bithlo barmaids. Please offer my condolences to Marge Estrokein on the death of one of her breasts. We will miss Siskel, but at least she can replace him with an implant. Lastly, I want to congratulate Shirley Sue for displaying amazing grace as she played Amazing Grace....I....I....I'm getting verklempt. Tawk amongst yourselves.

I have a good one for you! I am a single mother with two kids. I am about to marry a wonderful man. He is Persian, but been in the states for over 20 years. We are going to have a very religious ceremony and our parents are going to participate. However, we are having an issue about my children. I really want to share this day with my kids. And he is very reluctant to have them there. The more we talk about it, the more it causes friction and makes the wedding planning less exciting.

He is the first born in a very Persian/Jewish family - and his father doesn't know about the children. Is there something I am missing about some sort of cultural thing? Will his parents "disown" him? Do you have any advice for how we should handle this situation. Please help us - we are in desperate need of help.

If the only problem is whether or not to have your kids attend the wedding I would say, grit your teeth and don't rock the boat. But your letter and his behavior raises some serious red flags and you need to resolve them before you get married. The following are some questions that I think you have to consider.

What kind of relationship does this man have with your children. It's one thing having him shut them out of your wedding, but it's quite another thing having him shut them out of his and perhaps eventually, your life. Does he plan to be a step father (with the emphasis on father) to your kids or are they going to be annoyances that he will have to tolerate until they are old enough to move out of the house? Like it or not MS, if he wants to commit to you, the deal is that he commits to the three of you. Anything less will not work and you are deluding yourself if you think it will get better as time goes on. It won't. It will most likely get worse. If my supposition is off base and he does really care for your kids, I would think that he would want them to share in your wedding plans.

Secondly, While I understand that his father may have some "issues" with you and your kids (either a cultural or just plain bigoted issue), how much will this impact on your life in the future. Does your fiancé think he will be able to keep your children a secret from his father forever? Will you make special accommodations any time his parents visit or you see them? How comfortable will you feel about this three, four or five years from now when you still have to "hide" your kids? As someone who believes in the "Ten Commandments" I must tell you that "Honor thy father and they mother" does not mean being subjugated by them.

These are issues that the two of you need to work out before you get married. They won't just fall in place afterwards. Your fiancé may truly be a wonderful man MS and your relationship may be very fulfilling right now, but if it puts you in a situation where you have to choose between him or your kids, how long will that last?

On a personal note, I will share with you that I am in a very similar situation as your fiancé. My partner has two wonderful children who I parent and love as if they were my own biological kids. Even under that situation, stuff gets in the way and there are struggles with understanding and acceptance. I can't imagine how my relationship would endure if I didn't share the responsibilities of parenting.

Please write me back MS. Perhaps I may have missed something in your letter or maybe you can further clarify your situation. I would like to know your reaction to my response.

I thought I should let you know that I now have a "Steady Eddie" here at the retirement home. Yes, for a good long time now I have just been playing the field--hopping from bed to bed, wheelchair to wheelchair, gurney to gurney, you know, making the most of the single senior life. But, that was before I met my new beau.

My new man is named Herbert VanDeeZanderBoer. He comes from Holland originally. The folks here at the home have a number of nicknames for him--some call him "Herb", others call him "Dutch" and still others refer to him as "The Cheapest Man Alive". Herb is a retired rancher. For years he ran a jackass farm known as the "Barely Scraping By Ranch". During the course of running this ranch, Herb got kicked in the head a lot by the jackasses so now he has a tendency to forget things and wander off and drool and try to hold conversations with trees. But no matter how out of it Herb gets, he’s always in the mood for love, which is why I like him.

He took me out on a date the other night. Since neither one of us can leave this Godforsaken rest home, we have to be creative with our courting rituals. Herb picked me up at 7:00 p.m. (he wheeled over in his chair and I sat on his lap) we went out for dinner (he wheeled over to vending machine and bought a candy bar for which he made me pay half) and then he wheeled me home. The whole date lasted fifteen minutes. It wasn’t no carriage ride in Central Park- - but what the hell.

Herb has also asked me to marry him, but don’t get too excited. Last week, he proposed to an elm tree and three saplings. But, as old men go, Herb still has it where it counts and being as cheap as he is, I’ll never have to ask him if that’s a roll of quarters in his pocket or he’s just happy to see me. I’ll just know for sure.

It's so nice to hear from you. It's been a long time and I am glad you are doing so well. Herb sounds like a real catch. He kinda reminds me of your daughter Edna's beau, Bubba. The week that Bubba proposed marriage to Edna, he also proposed to four others. Instead of one elm tree and three saplings, they were one prostitute and three strippers. Actually, it sounds like Herb got a bit more on the ball than Bubba. Besides, when he and Edna go to the vending machines, he makes Edna pay for all of it! I hope you and Herb are happy in your declining years.

Update & a question for you. Daughter moved back in with husband 4 weeks ago. Long story, but the short of it is that she couldn't stand to think her husband was moving on with his life when it appeared she wasn't going back to him. Typical borderline behavior, "I hate you, don't leave me!". Our granddaughter, now 16 months, is happier to be back at her home with mom & dad.

Now my question. Usually granddaughter is a happy little baby but her temper shows itself at times. I see some of our daughter's childhood behavior in her. Couple examples, she fell down a couple stairs and naturally started to cry. I picked her up to comfort her but she cried more and struggled to get down. I let her down, she went straight for the stairs, climbed them and quit crying. Later she wanted out of the room where we both were, she stood at the doorway and threw a major fit for at least 15 minutes before I gave in and took her into the next room. Sometimes she'll come to me and pull my hand if she wants in another room but last night she was just determined to do everything the hard way.

What's being tenacious, and what's being unreasonable? I know BPD isn't diagnosed until early adulthood, but are there any early indications? I'd talk to a specialist about her, but frankly I don't trust any childhood behavior specialists after the experiences we had with Drs. & our daughter. I think if they weren't any help with a 15 year old in the beginning stages of BPD, how reliable would they be giving advice about a toddlers behavior?

You answered your own question. It is much too early in your granddaughter's development to determine if these behaviors constitute a problem. Clearly these behaviors are not developmental lags or perceptual learning problems. They are fairly typical of many kids behaviors who grow up pretty healthy. As she approaches and enters the "terrible twos" she will probably display more of these behaviors. The stairs are a good example how young children struggle to master their environment. You granddaughter fell off of the stairs and wasn't really hurt so much as agitated because it was an unexpected fall. Her returning to the stairs was one way of reassuring herself that she could be on the stairs and not fall.

There also might be another factor in your granddaughter's "new" behaviors. While she might be too young to understand the what was actually going on between her father and her mother (not to mention her mother's boyfriend) she probably did perceive that things were not they way they "should" be. While toddlers are exploring and mastering their environment, they also need reassurances that their environment will have some degree of consistency. If your daughter's behavior continues to make your granddaughter's life constantly changing and unstable, there could be some behavioral problems that will arise from this.

The bottom line though cnot is that there are limits to what you can do. I know you realize by now that you are not going to change your daughter's behavior. The best thing that you can do though is to provide a stable and consistent environment for your granddaughter when she is with you. Given the fact that this is quite often, that can make a big difference. Let me know what you think and keep me posted.

I reckoned I’d write you and let you know what I’ve discovered out here on the open road. I gave up on the idea of going to Israel to teach the Jews how to grow turnips.. But the experiences I’ve had on the road have changed my life and one in particular, just plain set me straight... I found Jesus. He was in a bar in Tucson. I know it was Jesus because it said so on his belt and on the hatband of his cowboy hat. He likes Southern Comfort a lot more then I figured he wood and he smokes generic cigarettes. (I guess I always had Jesus pegged as a brand name man.) Anyway, he’s about seventy years old and he lives in a trailer court with his two Chihuahuas, Cheech and Chong.

Tho he keeps him a low profile, he is a real smart fella. He sure set me straight about my search for a new guy to date. He told me I was way offtrack. Jesus said, "It ain’t an important thing in life that your attractive to the opposite sex or that people like you or any of that. What IS important is that basic characteristic that separates us from the animals--the ability to acquire material possessions. Material possessions ARE what life’s all about." And you know, he coodn’t be more right. Material possessions are the key to true happiness-- for I, myself, have never been happier then when I bought me those leopard skin seat covers or a new bong. These are the things that last, becuz when the people in your life have come and gone, you can still slip into the front seat of your car and rub your skin on the seat covers or toke on your new bong.....

So, I‘m heading home to enjoy my material possessions as Jesus has taught me. I can’t wait to sit in my living room and watch television and just feel grounded again. To hell with men, who needs them?--I’ve got my waterbed and my black velvet Elvis portraits. I’ve got me a great life. I'll be home soon.

Now that you have finally absorbed the true teachings of Jesus, I think you are ready to take in the wisdom of Madonna. She too is a "material girl" if you know what I mean. Live long and prosper.

It is scary how bad I get when I just miss one dose of Paxil. I spent most of yesterday on the road picking up the girls from their Easter visit with Daddy and I guess I was pretty exhausted and overwhelmed, in addition to being fresh out of key neurotransmitters. I think I am doing better today. Still pushing that boulder up the hill only to have it roll back down again and again. I have to go outside now and help my daughters play in the mud. Thank you for writing me and for not giving up on me!

As long as you can still go out and help your daughters play in the mud, life can't be that awful. In fact, if you can get enough mud on the top of that hill, it might just prevent the boulder from rolling back down. I promise not to give up on you Judi but the Detroit Tigers are another story.

Well, as you knowed, some weeks ago I met me a gal whiles I was working at my job at PORNY’S (Adult Books and Sex Toys). This little gal’s name (well, really--she ain’t so little, she’s six foot something), any who, her name is Ruth, but she druthers that I call her "Ruthless". I met her whiles she was into the store buying her some bondage supplies earlier this month.

Well, Happyshrink, I really like this here gal but since I been seeing her, I’ve noticed that I been getting me some bruises and what not on my body. Ruthless is a real affectionate gal and she’s always slapping me on the back and the butt and the arms and on occasion, upside the head. But, I don’t want to hurt her feelings none by telling her that sometimes when she’s a-giving me these love pats, that it really does hurt like hell. In fact, she was so glad to see me the other day that I think she just about give me a concushun.

I hate to say nothing on account that she is such a sweet and generous gal. She even bought me a black leather outfit from PORNY’S. She even went as far as to get me a matching black leather coozie for my can of Old Milwaukee.

She says she really, really likes me and in fact, she’s got to calling me her little "Hayseed on a Chain". I think I’ll keep on a-dating Ruthless as long as she don’t dislocate nothing on me or draw any blood or what have you.

I guess I can tolerate an occasional twisting pinch or getting spiked with one of her high heels or being slapped around if it means that she loves me and wants to spend her some time with me. The women ain’t never really goed for me, Happy, and I guess when opportunity knocks, I better go on ahead and go for it--even if opportunity is knocking me in the head.

I know you have never had very good luck with women and I hope this new relationship works out for you. One of the reasons why it might is that Ruthless is really a man. I always thought of you as a man's man.

After Sunday's Trailer Park picnic, Jewitch brung out her new game, Scrabble. It be a game where you have letters on little squares and you spell words. Cousin Thelma and I use to play. I was really good at it. Anyway, Jewitch goes first. She put down "bastard". I put down Thar. She pitched a hissy. We all told her she didn't know nothin'. It be Thar from "Thar she blows". Bubba put down "dun" for dun good. She didn't like that either. Then Dui put down "axed" for when The Earl axed for my hand in marriage. Then Edna put down "hollard" which she been knowd to do a lot at them kids. Jewitch pitched another fit. She say, they ain't no such word. We tell her she's nuts.

Then she put down antagonist. We told her we knowd that weren't no word. She started screechin', so we let her have her points. She just be the kind that has to win. Then I put down "brung". There she go agin yellin' about a perfectly good word. Then Bubba put down "arry" for "ain't got arry a lick a sense". She did it agin, sayin' it weren't no word. We started gittin' tired a playin' with her at this point. Dui put down "twat" and Edna put down "figger". Well I figger this really pissed her off cuz now, her already havin' 22 points, she put down "quaalude".

Now, don't ya know, that got a lotta points, would you believe 18. Well, that were the last draw for us. I told her, "you think we is dumb". "No word got 2 a's together." "The next thing , you'll say vacum got 2 u's." She really got to screamin' an' then threw the board an' all the pieces in the air. She just don't got the temperment for games.

My girlfriend Marsha asked me today if I really love her or if I love the way she makes love. Is there a difference? My dad asks me wood I go look for work sometime soon. I said sure. Looking is o.k. with me. I watched Gilligan's Island today. That Ginger is a fox. How could she be on that island so long and not get knocked up? If I was on that island, I'd even do that Maryann. She ain't so bad. Lose them pigtails tho.

I used to read your web page every day several years ago and for some reason, I just stopped. I recently started reading it again and I really enjoy it. I've been going back through some old letters and they really make me laugh out loud (lol). I came across one where you were writing children's books that were rejected by all the publisher's, like "fun things to do with broken glass." My question to you happy is, have you had any luck getting other books publish and if you haven't, do you have any more rejected titles?

It's nice hearing from you again. As a matter of fact I am still trying to get some children's published but to no avail. Here is a partial list of the most recent rejected book titles:

The managers of Walmart, Piggly Wiggly, Win Dixie, First Federal Bank of Orlando Red Lobster and Denny's wish the same thing. So do the Orlando police, firemen, sanitation and postal workers.

I am interested in using the Bach Flower remedies. Could you tell me whether or not they are effective?

Bach Flower remedies were developed by Dr. Edward Bach an English physician during the 1920s and 30s. Like most homeopathic remedies, there is little clinical data to substantiate their effectiveness. There are many anecdotal accounts of people who have found these remedies to be helpful.

You have nothing to lose by trying these remedies Helen. If it works, please be sure to let me know. If it doesn't work. Let me know that too.

What kind of pacifiers will you sell to the residents of the Circle K and No Name Trailer parks? The kids already look like the above pictures. Maybe you can make some with "normal" mouths. Wouldn't that be a hoot?

Today, talking with my therapist, I asked him what client experience had had the most affect on him. He told me about a client he had seen for seventeen years, and then one day she just never came back. He described how he had tried everything he could to help her see her self destructive parts, and that even though he had helped her stop taking drugs, and stop most of her self mutilation, she could never get past the feelings of not being good enough. Most of the things she would attempt to write to him he never saw, because she would destroy them because of her all encompassing feeling of badness. I asked what he had learned from this client, his answer was humility.

Happy, with all the years of experience you have had with patients or clients, what experience has had the most affect on you? How do you feel about that experience and what did you learn from it? Don't mean this to be nosey, just curious, you know how I am.

Methos

I don't have a specific incident that has affected me more than others. There have been some significant insight breakthroughs that were very exciting to see unfold and of course seeing someone actually go through the process of change is always very gratifying and meaningful. But the one thing that still moves me after so many years of seeing people is the courage that just about all my clients have shown by entering into a therapeutic alliance with me.

Going into therapy is one of the most difficult things that anyone can do. You are asked to lower your defenses, share intimate parts of your life and explore your deepest thoughts to someone who in many ways is a stranger. Over time you may get to know some details about your therapist's life and you can see parts of their personality emerge every now and then, but for most part the relationship is very one sided. It never ceases to amaze me ordinary people do this and show incredible courage in trying to face their demons.

One of the things I do when someone ends therapy is to share those feelings and thank them for allowing me to be a part of their journey. Being a psychotherapist is a very special privilege that I have been given and I am aware of that during each session. When providing therapy stop feeling like that, it will be time to hang it up. Fortunately, I don't see that happening for a long time.

Vows were exchanged at 6 p.m. on Saturday, March 30th, 2002 between Bubba Panhead and Edna Hoppenstetter, a barmaid at the Dew Drop Inn. The ceremony took place at the Circle K Trailer Park with Reverend Al officiating. Acting as best man was Bubba’s partner, Snake and the other groomsmen were Loopy Evans and Fatty Compton.

Attending the bride were Bubbles O’Casey (matron of honor), Fonda Dix and Lola Copperfeld. The men wore their work uniforms (those are the only shirts they have with buttons) the bride wore a leopard-print spandex mini-dress while the bridesmaids were attired in purple polyester halter tops and hot pants. The couple wrote their own vows which were based on the country western song "Saddle Sores Ain’t Forever But Love Is".

The reception was held at the Dew Drop Inn where Ho-Hos and Old Milwaukee were served from 9 p.m. until midnight. Entertainment was provided by the juke box.

The Newlyweds will reside at the bride’s residence located at the Circle K Trailer Park, Lot # 54.

As a special note, during the ceremony the groom’s mother, Mrs. Madeline Panhead, attempted to shoot the bride with a .22 caliber handgun but was prevented from doing so when she was wrestled to the ground by the groom’s attendants. Mrs. Panhead (the senior) was then transported to the hospital where she will be undergoing extensive psychiatric evaluation.

Yes it is so. That's right, Edna had a wedding and neither you, Gind Rinker or Mildred Thigpen were invited. I guess all of you must be beside yourselves. Look at the bright side though:

My daughter was losing her amniotic fluid with her first pregnancy, and was extremely small. Her doctor never asked her any questions, and she was never thought of asking about it. She needed to have an emergency c-section because the baby's heart was not beating properly. The cord was wrapped around his chest, he lost oxygen, and was blue. He is now ten yrs. old with problems. He is paranoid, (afraid of many things) amongst other things.

He's been diagnosed with ADHD with extreme anxiety. He's presently on Ritalin, and was on Zoloft. Two months ago his psychiatrist took him off the Zoloft (said they don't know what it would eventually do to patients) My question to you is could this fluid loss and the distress be the cause of these multiple problems?

I am not a medical doctor and I can't tell you if your daughter's pre-natal condition may have caused your grandson's ADHD. If you or your daughter feel that her obstetrician was negligent you should consult with an attorney. What is most important now is that he is being seen regularly by a child psychiatrist and that his school has evaluated him and instituted an Individual Education Plan (IEP).

Children with ADHD pose a challenge for parents and teachers but with a good plan and proper medication, they can live pretty healthy and fulfilling lives. There are also many parents support groups that your daughter may want to look into. Often the best advice you can get is from people who are going through the same thing. The Internet if full of web sites and newsletters devoted to ADHD. My favorite web site for information and resources is by Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD). To access CHADD's web site click here.

Edna

Dear Edna,

I think I remember that movie. Wasn't DUI the driver? I guess it all goes to prove that sometimes it pays to be Driving Under the Influence.

happy(typingwhileonNyQuill)shrink

You rest, drink plenty of fluids, take Tylenol when you have a fever or are feeling achy. Oh yeah, you can skip your web page today. People will understand. One last thing.... if these conversations with yourself persist, please seek professional help.

No April fools joke! Happy is out of letters. Send him a letter so he can feel like someone needs his advice. Life can't be that wonderful. You must have some problem that Happy can help you with. Hopeful some of you will step to the plate and Happy will have some letters for tommorrow.

Postings from April 1-15, 2002