Letters January 16

I am in college now in my sophomore year and have a terrible problem with procrastination. Every time I have a test I do just about anything not to study and then it's all left for the last minute. I drive myself crazy with this. But I also do not seem to be able to do anything to stop. I get very good grades and am very motivated once I get started. I just can't get going. It seems like it will be too much so I usually spend a lot of time surfing the internet and writing email and I tell myself that I need to catch up on these things. I really need to stop writing emails and surfing the net and open my books. I have a test tomorrow and now I will be up until after midnight. I will be short on sleep and have a more difficult day tomorrow as a result. Please tell me what you think I can do to stop this so that I can stop tormenting myself. Thanks,

Many college students find it very difficult to discipline themselves to get work done in a timely fashion. When you lived at home, you probably had more structure that prevented you from putting off schoolwork to the last minute. One of the most difficult transitions you make in living on your own is having the discipline to do what you have to do without Mom or Dad nagging you.

There isn't an easy solution to your problem CollieX, but my suggestion to you is that you set up a schedule for study, and a schedule for Internet surfing (Hint: The study schedule should come first). It does sound like you are motivated to do well in school and if you organize you priorities to reflect what you want to achieve in your life, you will overcome procrastination. Good luck and let me know how things are going. I will be happy to serve as an "Internet Parent" if it helps.

Well Happy, it's been a while since I asked a question about bipolar but given the nature of bipolar it's not surprising I have questions again. My daughter's last stay in the hospital was September of 99, admitted due to alcohol OD during a manic phase. When she got out she moved out of our house, moved around several different places for several months, ended up pregnant about 6 months later. The beginning of the pregnancy was rough because her relationship was so new with the guy, and the guy didn't want the baby. After several months, during which she came back with us then went back to the guy, her mood settled down. Pregnancy was in danger but she didn't drink, quit smoking, went to doctor faithfully, and our granddaughter was born 3 weeks early, weighing 3lbs 13oz. For 13 months since the baby was born our daughter has done OK, married the father of the baby, held the same job for 12 months and been promoted to manager at a McD's, been a great mom, and only had mild flairups of her moods. (Our granddaughter has grown well and is very bright.)

Now, after a baby, marriage, and a fairly good 2 years, she's having a major mood problem. She moved out from her husband and in with some guy fresh out of jail. Of course he was only in jail because "the state has a stupid law about pulling a knife when 3 guys jump on you." She won't talk to her best 2 friends, decent college girls who have weathered all her moods for the last 6 years. She moved back in, then out from her husband. She took our granddaughter and wouldn't let me see her for almost a week.

Happy, at our daughters request I've seen that baby almost every day of her life. I sat in their apartment 5 evenings a week when she and her husband went to work and the baby was too little to be taken out of the house. I held her almost every evening when she suffered from colic. I love that baby, and she loves me. And always, I made it clear that I'm grandma, not mom, and the baby knows it. With support from us, our son-in-law has insisted our granddaughter not be left in the care of that jerk, so our granddaughter is with us or our son-in-law while our daughter works, that relieves some of my concerns about our granddaughter.

Dear Cnot,

It's nice to hear from you. It's been a while. From all that you have described to me about your daughter over the past several years, I would guess that in addition to Bipolar Disorder, she might suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. This is an Axis II condition that can exist in conjunction with Bipolar Disorder. While your daughter's manic phases may be cyclical, she always suffers from the borderline condition and part of that condition is always justifying her reckless or contrary behavior. I don't know how amenable your daughter might be to treatment but there is an approach to Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy or "DBT." That might help somewhat but in all probability, your daughter's life will be a roller coaster ride for awhile. As people with BPD get older, they do seem to settle down and live more stable lives.

There are a few positives about your daughter during this time. She continues to work and she has agreed to have you and your granddaughter's father watch the baby while she is working. I don't think you will ever hear the words from your daughter, "I was wrong! What the hell was I thinking?" She will probably continue to justify her behaviors to you. In therapy she might be able to see some of her problems more clearly, but don't expect her to ever admit that to you. On some level you will always be regarded as an adversary to your daughter based on your earlier history with her. My suggestion is to try and avoid confrontations involving her contrary behaviors and deal with issues that involve your granddaughter's well being. Both of you are invested in seeing the baby grow up healthy and you can probably find common ground on that issue. Let me know what you think Cnot.

happy(oncommongroundwithCnot)shrink

Bubba and Edna like to swing (and I’m not talking about any playground equipment here). Every year on a Saturday afternoon in January, they get together with the other swingers in their district and have a picnic. Here is the newsletter that they received announcing the upcoming event. (it is from the Central Florida Swingers Association (CFSA) located at the No Name Trailer Park.)

January 19th, 2002

Greetings Swingers!

My, my, hasn’t the weather been refreshing lately! It makes you just want to cast off your clothing and shout, "Here I am, come and take me!"

We, of course, are writing to let you know of the annual "Central Florida Swingers Picnic" which will be held on January 31st at 1:00 p.m. here at the No Name Trailer Park. (In case of rain, we will hold the picnic in Room 319 at the NO NAME OTEL across the street.) The following is the Schedule of Activities as we’ve laid them out:

1:00- 2:00 p.m.- POTLUCK MEAL (Everyone tastes yours and you taste theirs)

2:00 - 2:30 p.m.- FLIRTATION RELAYS (Convey your intentions using only your eyes, lips and tongue)

2:30- 3:00 p.m.- SUBTLE GROPING COMPETITION (Test your skills at being in a mass of bodies and copping a feel without the others knowing about it)

3:00- 3:30 p.m.- NAME THAT DIVORCE (Where present members are told the circumstances of former members’ separations and asked to guess their identity)

3:30 p.m. to Whenever!!!- THE MATCH GAME (This year, instead of drawing straws, we’ll be numbering the couples and matching them up that way because in years past, some of the men have resented the implication of the "short straw".)

Also, don’t forget to R.S.V.P. because last year we had an odd number of couples and one couple went home disappointed. (Many apologies to the Fred and Ilene Schnitzer for that slip up.)

Well, we’ll see you all at the picnic and remember, "If you ain’t swinging, you’re just another boring couple who values the sanctity of marriage!

So when you invited me to a picnic when I visited in Florida, what exactly were you implying when you volunteered Edna to fix me a "box lunch?"

What happens when you have gone to school for 7 years, earned not only a BA but an MBA and realize that it's not what you want to do? In fact, the only reason that you went to school at all was because you had to go and your whole program was picked for you so that you could run the family business when you were done. I am destined to be a "suit" at a large corporation - I'll probably be looking at a 6 figure income before the end of this year, plus perks, plus car, stock options, etc, etc. Everyone is happy except me (at least on the inside). I want to be a school teacher. I want to work with 1st graders and teach them to love books and to love to learn. What do I do?

While six figure salaries can buy a lot of nice "stuff," if you are unhappy at your work, you are unhappy for half your waking hours. Is it worth it to you? If it isn't, then you need to have the courage of your convictions and make a career change. Even after 7 years of college and graduate school, you are still a young person with your whole life ahead of you. Don't let someone else's dreams run your life. Just has you have learnt "Management By Objectives" in your graduate work, develop a "Life Management By Objectives" plan.

This plan may start out by finding out what education courses you may need to take in order for you to qualify for a teaching license in your area. Then it may involve figuring out whether you go to school full-time ore part-time, supporting yourself, telling your family about your decision, etc. I know this isn't as easy as it sounds but that's what you have to do Trapped in a Suit.

You have invested a lot of time and effort in a career that has the potential to be very lucrative. It is a hard decision to scrap that career even for something that you are passionate about. I can't guarantee that your life will be all you want it to be, but a mind is a terrible thing to have trapped in a suit. Find a way out of the suit. How hard can a few buttons and a zipper be? Good luck and let me know what happens.

The boys decided that they was getting bored with horseshoes and cards and baseball and dog fighting an' the Woodshed tavern and the What Not an' the Dew Drop Inn. I was getting scared about what they might be trying next. So I saw this Tiger Woods fella on TV a hitting a ball called golf. JeWitch says it be the sport of rich people and presidents. Well if it be good enough for W, our hero, it be good enough for the boys at the Circle K. So we stopped at every yard sale between here and Kissimmee an rounded up 2 sets of golf clubs for $45 for the 2 of them. The Earl, Dui, Bubba an' Ezra (one of Edna's youngins) gathered up all the aluminum beer cans and cashed them in for enough money to golf to the Crystal Lake Par 3.

With money in their pockets, 2 case of beer in their coolers, 2 set of clubs an' their rifles, off they went around 10 this morning. Well, come 11:30, in they come with Ezra an' Dui sitting on a deer in the back of the pick-up. So I says, "Didn't you guys golf?". Dui says, "Sure we did." "But they asked us to leave." So the story went like this. When they got there, the boss man says they have to make Ezra walk with a pull cart cause he be way too big for a cart. That was OK. They still had to get 2 riding carts, cause Dui was too tanked to walk. Then they made them rent 2 more golf bags for something. When they was on the third tee, the golf boss spotted the rifles and the deer strapped to the roof o' the golf cart and they made them turn in their stuff saying something bout breaking the rules. They didn't have the right kind of boots either.

Twern't a lost day for us, deer roast in the back porch freezer. But I think it would be really stupid for them golf bosses to get rid of' 4 new golfers in these economic downturns.

You didn't mention this but I heard that DUI was driving one of the golf carts. That would explain how they killed a deer. Not one of them was ever sober enough to shoot one with a rifle. Guess DUI got lucky again. Maybe the golf bosses aren't as dumb as they seem.

Do you think it is wrong for me to be really, really angry at Jonathan? This is the guy that I had been going to see for awhile, he does Hakomi Psychotherapy and energy work. I don't know what, but the last time I went to see him in November I must have done something to anger him or hurt him in some way. To tell you the truth I don't remember that session, I just know that he has not been the same since then. I had a session scheduled in December and he canceled it, I can understand that with the holidays but he said he would reschedule and he won't do it. Two weeks ago I was having a lot of pain and I called him twice and left messages, he would not return my calls. I finally got in touch with him by accident as I was sitting outside of May's drug store in tears. I was in my car and I was not all there, he told me he could hear that I was in pain and that I needed help but he was busy and would call the next week. He never did. I don't understand why he is treating me this way, this guy that is supposed to be so spiritual. I have talked to my therapist about it and he believes that Jonathan is just not qualified to deal with me, and that he is doing this because he realizes he can't help me but he doesn't have the guts to say so.

I don't mean to hurt anyone, and I wish he would just call and tell me he can no longer see me. That would be better than nothing at all, this feels like abandonment. I have enough of those issues without him creating more crap. On top of that he has my stuffed lion at his office, AND I WANT THE DAMN THING BACK! I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's mine, apart of me, and I only take my animals to places that seems safe. He is obviously no longer safe, so I want it back.

Here is yet another example of someone who claims to have the capability of helping someone when they really can't. They cause more harm than good, at least for me I am experiencing quite a bit of sadness over this. I let him hold me, I let him close, I won't do that again because it seems like I only get hurt. I was never suppose to be cared for I don't think, so all I get is hurt. I want to write him and ask for my lion back, I am a little scared. Am I wrong? Should I not be angry and hurt? I am sad. I guess I don't understand. People say they want you to trust them, then this happens. What's it all about Happy?

A Sad Methos

I don't know what kind of code of ethical conduct that Hakomi Psychotherapists follow, but I would bet that Jonathan has broken it to some extent. His behavior is totally unacceptable. If he felt he could no longer help you for any reason, he has an obligation to letting you know that as well as returning any property that you may have left in his office. I would also feel a further obligation to assist you in finding a new therapist as well but that's me. I don't think it is unreasonable to ask him to return your property to you and I would call him again to make arrangements for that.

As far as how you should feel? Angry and hurt sounds just about right Methos. As far as the damage he has done to you, there is no doubt that he has hurt you and caused you pain. How permanent that hurt is and how that affects you in the future is up to you. Don't let it turn you off to everyone trying to help you Methos. Remember that caregivers are also imperfect people with their own set of problems.

You are going to need to describe your symptoms in better detail than that to get a psychiatrist to prescribe medication for you. Last time I checked, being talkative is not a mental illness even if for some people may find it annoying. What is it about your talkative nature that causes problems for you? How does it make you feel. When did this begin to be a problem for you? What kind of feedback to others give you about your talkative nature? Do you talk more when you are anxious? These are questions that might be asked by a psychiatrist. I suggest you see one if you feel you need some help. Good luck and feel free to write back.

Ok, I have a couple of questions: If I want to write for advise from Happy Shrink does it have to be a serious question?

Also Is that all that on this site, asking for serious or humorous questions? If so it's ok, just wondering because I haven't had a lot of time to check it out so I'm taking the lazy way out by asking you.

And if I do as "the shrink" a question will it appear on this page? Thanks so much

I will answer almost any questions, serious or humorous so long as I consider them interesting. I have gotten letters that I found provocative in such a way as to not respond to them. Hey, it's my web page and I can do what I want. I also have several disclaimers at this web site that cautions people that this is not a substitute for psychotherapy nor should my advice be considered gospel. I am a mental health professional with opinions, information and suggestions that I share on this web page. I encourage people to seek other opinions when deciding what do to in a give situation.

Another important issue is that I do not have the time to answer private correspondences and if someone writes a letter that they want answered, it will be posted on this page. If I am requested not to post a letter, I will respect that request but I won't answer it either. So will your question appear on this web page? Hey you never know.

My part time job is HELL !!! Maybe I don't really need to buy a new computer after all ... It was just another day of selling customers lottery scratch tickets only to hear them hiss "shit" seconds later when they found they had purchased yet another losing game piece.

It was just another day of selling quarts of Old Milwaukee to factory employees and heavy equipment operators on their lunch hour.

Just another day of selling cigarettes to people with emphysemic coughing spasms, selling gasoline to barely conscious motorists and mounds of fattening snack foods to the incredibly obese.

So I decided to just drop you a note on this PIECE OF SH%T computer of mine and say "hi." I would write more .. but I am all talked out from trying to make small talk with the dregs of society. Do you have any idea how many people in Orlando don't have teeth ??

Why do you think they all order grits for breakfast? It's Sunday and this New Yorker is shmearing cream cheese on a bagel.

Happy Birthday St. Theresa! You're getting older but still not old enough to start counting backwards like I've been doing these past several years.

I, AM A 29 YEAR OLD WOMAN WHO HAS NEVER BEEN MARRIED, WITHOUT CHILDREN. I HAVE BEEN EXTREMELY CONFIDENT THAT WHOM EVER I DO MARRY, I WOULD FULLY RESPECT AND LOVE TO THE FULLEST. I HAVE EXPERIENCED TRUE LOVE AND WOULD WAIT TILL THE DAY I FIND IT AGAIN.

FOUR MONTHS AGO, I HAD GONE OUT WITH MY GIRLFRIEND. SHE HAD INSISTED THAT I MEET ONE OF HER MALE FRIENDS. FINALLY I HAD DECIDED TO. AS NICE AS HE WAS, THE SHOCKER WAS THAT ONE OF HIS OTHER FRIENDS ENDED UP SWEEPING ME OFF MY FEET. HIS NAME IS BRUCE. HE WAS WITTY AND CHARMING AND HAD A SENSE OF HUMOR THAT WOULD KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF! AFTER A FEW SHORT TIMES THAT I SPENT WITH HIM, I KNEW THAT THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR. I MEET MEN ALL THE TIME. I WOULD SPEAK WITH THEM, BUT NEVER HAD THE CONNECTION THAT I FELT WITH BRUCE. ACTUALLY, THE FIRST NIGHT, WHILE WE WERE ALL AT BREAKFAST. HE TOLD ME THAT HE HAD BEEN DATING SOMEONE FOR SOME TIME BUT HE WAS STILL SEARCHING FOR THE WOMAN THAT WOULD SWEPT HIM OFF HIS FEET AND HOLD HIS ATTENTION......THAT HE WOULD NEVER SETTLE, AND HE KNEW WHAT HE WANTED. I AS WELL WAS DATING AND STILL SEARCHING. WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON.

AFTER GOING OUT ONE NIGHT, MY GIRLFRIEND AND I ARE INVITED TO HIS HOME. HE SITS DOWN ON THE COUCH AND PRECEDES TO TELL ME THAT THE GIRL HE HAS BEEN DATING THINKS SHE IS PREGNANT. FROM WHAT I HAVE BEEN TOLD, EVERYONE BELIEVES THAT THIS WAS HER LAST DITCH EFFORT TO TRY AND KEEP HIM. BEING YOUNG, SHE PROBABLY THOUGHT THIS WAS THE ANSWER. SHE TOLD HIM THAT SHE HAD SWITCHED HER PILL AND THAT WAS HOW SHE GOT PREGNANT. AS A WOMAN, WE KNOW BETTER THAN THAT. FOR A LONG TIME SHE WOULD THREATEN HIM WITH THE CHILD, THOUGH HE DIDN'T REALIZE WHAT SHE WAS DOING. I NEVER SAID A WORD TO HIM. I COULDN'T. IT WOULD NEVER BE RIGHT COMING FROM ME. HE HAS SINCE REALIZED FROM HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY CLUEING HIM IN. AS WELL AS TIME AND LEARNING HOW THINGS SEEM TO HAPPEN. HE TOLD ME THEY ARE GOING TO THE O B G Y N TO CONFIRM THIS (THIS I REALIZED WAS DONE ON PURPOSE AS A LAST ATTEMPT TO KEEP HIM.) WE TALKED ABOUT THIS, WE BOTH WERE CRYING. HE SAID THAT HE HAD BEEN WAITING 38 YEARS TO MEET SOMEONE LIKE ME. HE SAID HE WAS TOTALLY SMITTEN BY EVERYTHING ABOUT ME. HIS TEARS, I KNOW WERE GENUINE. WE CONTINUED SEEING EACH OTHER, IT HAD BEEN BREATHTAKING, EVERYTHING ---- I --- WE HAVE WANTED AND WAITED FOR.

HERE COMES THE CLINCHER!! I COME TO FIND OUT SHE IS REALLY 4 MONTHS PREGNANT!!!!! HIS FRIEND SLIPPED, SHE THOUGHT BRUCE HAD TOLD ME. I QUESTIONED BRUCE, HE WAS VERY SET BACK AND ASKED ME HOW I KNEW. HE SAID THAT HE NEVER THOUGHT THAT HE WOULD FEEL LIKE THIS SO SOON AND DID NOT EXPECT ME TO SWEEP HIM OFF HIS FEET LIKE I HAD. HE SAID HE NEVER EXPECTED TO MEET HIS MATE. I TRULY BELIEVE HE FEELS LIKE THIS. THE WAY WE ARE TOGETHER IS INCREDIBLE. FOUR MONTHS LATER WE ARE STILL SO IN TOUCH, EVEN IF IT IS 20 MINUTES WE CHERISH EVERY MOMENT. HE HAS TOLD HER THAT THIS CHILD IS HIS ONLY OBLIGATION, AND NOT HER. THERE IS NOW LAWYERS INVOLVED, BROUGHT ON BY HER PART. I AM SUPPORTIVE AND I LET HIM KNOW I CARE AND STAND BY HIM. I EXCEPT HIM AND THIS CHILD. I, WILL BE 30 THIS YEAR AND FEEL SO VERY STRONG ABOUT HIM, THAT I WOULD TREAT HIS CHILD AS IF IT WAS MY OWN.

BRUCE AND I HAVE A FRIEND IN COMMON, HE HAPPENS TO BE A PRIEST. HE SUPPORTS ME, AND BELIEVES THAT WE ARE THE BEST THING FOR EACH OTHER THAT HE HAS EVER SEEN. I ALSO BELIEVE THAT, WITH ALL MY HEART.

Normally people who write me have a specific question or are asking me my opinion about their situation. You haven't but I do get a sense you want some kind of response from me. I certainly hope for you that everything you want out of this relationship comes to pass.

Bruce's lying to you about the pregnancy is a red flag. It may have just been a foolish thing on his part and not a personality flaw. However, if other lies emerge, then it might go deeper than his not expecting to meet the girl of his dreams. There is nothing wrong with having high hopes but it is also good to have both eyes open.

Bruce's ex-girlfriend will be entitled to child support and thus will also be a factor in his and your lives. While it is in everyone's best interest to get along and try to make the best of the situation, this is not often the case. Children are often caught in the middle of really ugly battles among parents. I hope that doesn't happen but your relationship will certainly be tested by this situation. Nonetheless, if you really found your soul mate, the rewards will outweigh all the liabilities.

Good luck L*** and please feel free to let me know how your relationship progresses.

Well, your suggestion bout JeWitch quitting the hospital candy striper job was just in time. She didn't last 2 full days at the hospital job. Actually, she were fired when she came in 5 hours late the second day. Was a good thing too, cuz there was a few knife wielding patients waitin' for her iffen she showed up on the floor. So when I told her bout your suggestion to go into Candy stripping, she went right to the Western Union with her thong bathing suit. When they laughed, she got pissed an turned over 15 pounds of chocolates all over the office. She stormed outta the office and got in her 1970 classic Volkswagon bus and hightailed it for the Circle K. It has a Band-Aid on the dinged fender and a "keep your rosaries of a my ovaries" sticker on the back window. What I mean is it ain't hard to spot her.

We was all scared of the cops was gonna raid us a looking for her. Half the park headed out to the What Not to hide. We was glad to see her no matter what, but what do you suppose she can do to earn cigarette money that she won't get fired at? Come to think of it, maybe it would be safer for all concerned, to just take turns buying her a carton each week.

I never encourage cigarette smoking but in this extraordinary case, you might just be onto something. So if everyone in the Circle K and the No Name Trailer Parks chip in just 10 bucks every six months, the State of Florida will be a safer and quieter place. Cheap at twice the price.

I have been going into chat rooms for about 6 or so years now and in that time have visited quite a few different rooms. I have even gone into sex chat rooms now and then and "cybered" with someone. Nothing really that is a big deal to me. It's interesting and I do get off on doing that sort of thing once in awhile. I have met someone in one of those rooms who later was in another room that I was in. I never did it with him but I think that he knew that I was with someone else in that room doing it. He has brought this up in the other chat room where those things are not discussed. I do have a group of "chat buddies" and it's starting to really get in the way. First of all, they did not know that this was something that I had experimented with. Some are cool with it and others are not. Then, just as I thought I wouldn't be able to go into the room any more, he just changed. He apologized and said that he was a jerk and was really all nice to me. But I am very suspicious. He is starting to appear in other rooms with me as well. Sometimes he does not acknowledge me and other times he very loudly declares how "close" we are. We do not know each other. I did find out that he lives in a city which is about an hour south of me in California.

I think that I am being stalked, but I can't really point out anything specific that he does to make it real stalking. I have gone to rooms that are private only lately just to avoid him but he's gotten into some of those too. He has never asked to meet me, nor for my phone number or any other personal information. He's just there like a little shadow. A little shadow that is beginning to make me very paranoid. I'm just not sure about what to do about this. Do you have any ideas?

While the things this guy has done is upsetting to you, he hasn't done anything illegal. He hasn't made any threats and other than following you to other chat rooms, he has not done anything outside the Internet to indicate he could be a danger to you. Still, you never know and an ounce (or even pound) of prevention is worth a ton of cure. There are some things you can do to get this person out of your life. If he knows your email address, you can change it or even get a new Internet Service Provider. You can also change your chat nickname and only let those people you trust know what your new nickname is. If you see him visiting rooms you are in, pretend you don't know who he is.

Lastly, Fisher Queen you can stop chatting for a while. I know this may be a sacrifice because you enjoy Internet Chat (as I do) but if you are really worried about this guy, you should consider going away for awhile. The Internet is a great place to meet people, but just like any meeting place there are both good and bad people there. When you go into chat rooms that involve cybersex, you are might just find some people there looking for more than a little "harmless fun."

If anyone else has suggestions for you, I ask them to write me and I will post them. This is a subject that has been discussed here a lot Fisher Queen. If it's any consolation, you are not alone.

Dear ( I AM NOT A HOMO, MOM SAYS WRITE "DEAR") Happyshrink,

My mom said I should write you on account that I got my girlfriend Bobbie Buey knocked up and neither one of us has jobs.

He said maybe if I just wrote you a nice letter you might feel obliged to write a check or send us some cash to buy some of the baby shit we’re gonna need. She also said for me to make sure and tell you how much I enjoyed meeting you and that I care about you and shit becuz that will have a lot to do with the amount of money you send.

I really, really like you, Happyshrink. We could use about a grand.

Bobbie Buey’s feeling okay except she pukes all the time and is grumpy as hell and complains that her back hurts and says she’s getting too fat. She’s still trying to make the best of it though and she still wears her thong bikini to the beach and her short shorts and her crop tops. Bobbie Buey says maternity clothes are just for knocked-up women who don’t know how to dress cool.

I want you to know that I am looking for work too. One day a few weeks back, I asked a drinking buddy of mine up at the bar if he knew of anyone who was hiring. And sometimes when I’m done reading the funnies in the paper on Sunday, I look at the want ads if I ain’t got nothing better to do. And several months back I did pass out some resumes around town when I was out bar-hopping so it ain’t like I ain’t trying to do for myself.

If you could, send that money ASAP becuz on top of needing that baby shit, I could use a new pair of Nikes and some Levis 501s and Bobbie Buey's been wanting to get a spiral perm and get her nails done.

Your Godson,

Andie

You mom made a mistake........I'm not your Godfather.... Reverend Al is your Godfather. Yeah... that's the ticket! I'm your brother Andy's Godfather. Just write Reverend Al and I'm sure he will help you and Bobbie Buey. Good luck with the baby and finding a job.

No Postings today. Happyshrink has to go to his dentist and is dealing with his own anxiety issues. He'll be back tomorrow when the Novocain wears off.

I am taking Welbutrin for depression which stems from PTSD. As part of this, I do experience dissociative states from time to time. I have been sick for over two weeks now and have been taking medication for coughing that contains Codeine and also I have added Restoril to my nighttime regimen.

My question is that I feel somewhat disconnected but not in the "traditional" way that I usually do when I experience a dissociative state. Do you think that this is because of the additional medication that I am taking for my cold or does being sick somehow trigger a dissociative response because I'm not as able to stay focused. Is my psychiatrist likely to know about this or will he just sit and stare at me for asking bizarre questions like this?

I can't speak for your psychiatrist, but your question is a valid one. It is certainly possible for side effects to occur, especially when a new medication is introduced into your system. Both Codeine and Restoril can cause drowsiness and disorientation. Whether your symptoms are a result of taking one or the other, or even a combination of the two is something you need to discuss with your psychiatrist. If you feel like your psychiatrist is not dealing with this issue seriously, it may be time to get a second opinion.

It is a very frustrating part of treatment when medications are added or the dosage is changed. It may take a while for you to establish some "equilibrium." Unfortunately, psychotropic medications vary from person to person in their side effects and make take a while before one can adapt to them. Try to be patient and if you can't talk to your psychiatrist about your frustrations, look for someone else.

Happyshrink,

Could you please forward this letter to Bubba .... I am mad and not talking to him. YES .. again. That dirty S.O.B. has been sleeping with Mona Hale in space # 9 ... BITCH !!

Well, ain’t you something, Bubba Joe ? The talk is all over town how you sleeped with Mona Hale , Artie Hale’s wife. Well, ain’t you the stud muffin now? Your a regular chick magnet. Well, I got news for you, Bubba, since your ass has been the hell out of my life, I’ve had me some offers from the opposite sex too! You better know it’s true, I’ve had all kinds of men calling me!

Sure, they may say on the phone that they just want to sell me some siding or life insurance or encyclopedias, but I know what they REALLY want. They’ve heard I’m free of you and there just looking for an excuse to come over here to the house and woo me.

I got rid of all my old, ratty housedresses and I sprung for some really lacy teddys--the kind that will really turn a man’s head! So you look out, Bubba, becuz your going to see me out on the town with another man on my arm and by gum, your going to be jealous!

By the way, I lost me another TWO pounds--so now I’m down to 109. The wait’s just falling off of me--becuz I get so damn much exercise--everyday I have to walk down to the end of the drive to get the mail. I’m forced to do it becuz the kids are too damn lazy to do it for me. Which reminds me, your kids need them some toothbrushes and underwear.

After I went shopping for me some new clothes and paid the cable bill and bought a carton of cigarettes, my money’s all gone. So get with the program, you selfish a**hole, and put the kids before yourself for once!

Edna

PS ... I hope you go to Hell and the Devil uses your coffee cup for his spittoon.

Thanks Happy, BTW .. JeWitch helps me with the PS's ... can you tell ??

Yes I can tell that JeWitch helped you with the PS. Good luck with the encyclopedia guy.

Hi Happyshrink,

My name is C R and I am a sophomore in college. All my life I have wanted to become a social worker. Everything in life has been leading me down that path up until last week when family member are telling me to change my major because I won't be able to find a job and it does not pay good. I believe social work is my calling and I don't care. But I just want to know is being a social worker really worth it?

C R

Dear CR,

If making a lot of money is very important to you, then I would discourage you from becoming a social worker. But if you have a calling to help people and make a difference in the world, social work is a noble profession that will reward you in ways other than money. The job market has it's ups and downs but for most part, there are jobs around all the time and not too many social workers are out of work for a very long time.

So how do I feel about being a social worker? There isn't a day that goes by that I don't feel like I have done something significant and meaningful. I have many friends making 5 times as much money as I do that can't say the same thing. Just consider this. If you are unhappy with your job, you are unhappy half of the waking hours of your life no matter how much money you are making.

My advice to you as well as any others looking for a satisfying career is to find something to do with your life that you are passionate about. If social work is your calling C R, then go out and be the best social work you can be. You can start now in college by getting involved with community service programs your college offers. Good luck C R. Please feel free to write with any other questions that may come up on your journey to a noble profession.

happy(doingsomethingmeaningfulrightnow)shrink

Happyshrink,

Just found your website and I wanted to write you right away because as of 8:00 tomorrow morning, I’m heading for CHEERLEADING CAMP for two weeks. I am so excited about going, I can hardly eat or sleep. Cheerleading Camp is incredible--I’ve gone every year sinceI was eleven years old. It’s a lot like that camp that future astronauts go to, only this camp is REALLY important. Every day at cheerleading camp is dedicated to the development of a cheerleading SKILL. The first day is devoted to clapping, the second to hands- on- your- hips, the third to making a fist and waving it in the air. We go through many rigorous, grueling hours of training all day long and at night, we talk about make-up and hair and how to snub.

Babbette

Dear Babbette,

Just like C R you have found a calling in life that you are passionate about. And in your mind (I guess it qualifies) something much more meaningful than being an astronaut. Just one question. I realize that you will have a great experience in high school and college. And if your parents have enough money for the surgery, you will be able to make 50 bucks a game as a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader, a Buffalo Bell or a Knick City Dancer. But what do you think you might do after age thirty five? Babbette, I would like to introduce you to Edna Hoppenstetter.

happy(Houston,theeaglehaslanded)shrink

Everything Steve would accomplish for me was tender and loving. Steve soon announced me that he had a problem, that he might get some help. I was confused. He than decided that he could never marry me and make me happy. We remained friends and this relationship became heavy and painful for both of us. I found out that indeed, Steve might be suffering from schizoid personality disorder; that "getting out of his shell," was unbearable for him. For the best we broke up and Steve became a more antisocial person.

I have not seen him in years, but have kept strong contacts with his mother, who describes his behavior as totally antisocial. As I searched for a description of his symptoms, I am more and more positive about this personal disorder. He is untouchable.

Life is simply happy for me until I worry about him, I have tried hard to show him that my friendship was strong. I get frustrated and hurt and admit it is not my responsibility to help him, but I care. For Xmas I called him. He was very pleasant and curious about me. The love was still there. But later, as I thought The friendship could be renewed, he went back into his shell, obviously aloof, unemotional, unattached. This was my last attempt to reach out to him.

Perhaps your friend does suffer from some form of mental illness. The diagnosis is not as important at this point as his getting help. I can't tell you if he will ever be able to live a normal life and I certainly couldn't tell you what is in his mind. What I can tell you is that he needs to want to be helped. He does recognize that there is a problem and that is a good start. The next step is for him to get some treatment. Even then his prognosis is uncertain but at least there is some hope for a reduction in his antisocial symptoms.

That's all I can really say about your friend but I have have some things to ask you. Are you able to move on with your own life? I realize that he is someone you loved dearly and still care about, but at what price? I think it just may be time to let go and let Steve deal with his problems in his own way. Good luck Dominique. Please feel free to respond or just write me again.

Happyshrink,

As I look through my family albums, it brings a smile to my face. There is the photo of Andie when he was four and got his tongue stuck on a cold flag pole. And then there is another one of Andie when he was five and got his tongue stuck on a cold flag pole. And the one where he is six and seven and so on.

There are also the pictures of Andy (with a Y) as he dug in his nose for buried treasure--a pastime he was rather fond of during his whole childhood.

And then there are the pictures of the two boys together--fighting over a lollipop, fighting over a kite, fighting over a moped and fighting over a prostitute.

My, my, those two never did learn to share!

Edna

I guess you have certainly had your share of Kodak moments. I saw Andy the other day and he still loves digging for treasure in his nose. Please suggest to him not to indulge in this activity next time he applies for a job flipping burgers at Denny's.

Thank you for your advice, the 3 months to move out seems like a good option and seems like a "comfortable transition" timeframe. But it leads me to 2 further questions: 1.) How do you get someone to go to a shrink (even a happy shrink) if they don't think there's a problem? and 2.) Are there free or low cost mental health facilities?

There is not much you can do to help someone if they don't believe that they need help. Your friend is not unique in denying that he has a problem. Often individuals in his situation will find "enablers" who assist them in living their life so that they can deny that a real problem exists. Unfortunately, you and your husband have become his enabler. Your ending this dynamic in three months is a good start in getting him to realize that he needs some help. Ultimately, it's his choice and he might have to get a lot worse before he can get a lot better. Another sad reality may be that he might never get better. You and your husband need to remain united in the belief that this is ultimately the right thing to do.

As far as inexpensive treatment, many mental health clinics have a sliding scale for fees and if your friend is out of work, he may qualify for Medicaid. If he is unable to work he may also qualify for Social Security Disability. Most clinics have a social service department that can help your friend access the entitlements he is qualified for. But it has to start with his recognition of a problem and a willingness to do something about it.

If your friend is not ready yet to acknowledge his situation, let him know that you are willing to help him when he does, but the 3 months to find alternative living arrangements is non-negotiable. It may sound harsh but it's doing something for him that no friend or family has ever done before; setting limits. That is the reality we all face in life and he has already had to face that reality in the job market. If he's going to get better, he must face it with friends and family as well. Good luck s and stay strong. Please feel free to write me, especially during times you and your husband are feeling guilty or weak. It's a normal feeling but don't let it prevent you from doing the right thing.

KOWABONGA! All the more reason to dump this guy dudette! I know there are a lot of creeps around Judi but you need believe you are worth more attention than an occasional request for a cheeseburger by a sociopath. Try these affirmations on for size:

I'm one hell of a catch to any man that appreciates 48DDD which is just about all of them.

It's not just size that matters; its style and grace but size is a damn good start.

Went to the Piggly Wiggly today an' bought some fish fer dinner. I fried it up with beer batter and made cornbread and gave it to Baby Harley. She throwed it and her whole plate to the floor. Her piglet ate all round the fish, but not the fish.

When The Earl came home, I made him a plate of fish, cornbread and black-eyed-peas. It covered all the scratches on the plastic plate I got at the Goodwill. Him bein' a big fella, it shoulda filled him up. He ate the cornbread an' the peas an went to the frig for collard greens, but he wouldn't eat the fish. I asked him, "What's with the fish?" He said, "Iffen the good Lord wanted us to eat fish, he'da made 'em easier to catch."

This being a Sunday and all.... let's praise the Good Lord for $1.49 six packs of Old Milwaukee and those convenient half pints of gin.

You know things are fine but not cordial with the daughter in law. But she is still at arms length. Now when she isn't around my son will call and have the granddaughter call. Trust me I can tell by the way they are open, if she is around it is like talking to a clam that is why I DON"T do the calling. One thing that shouldn't bother me that does, is we are both on AOL and so know when each other are online. Now if I get on and see one of them are there (same screen name for both) I just go about my business, if it is my son he will IM me...Hi mom...if it is her ....slam and she gets off line as if I can see who or what she is typing...isn't that childish. If I am already on and their name appears...I know it is her because...slam....thinking about it....it is kinda funny. My daughter said leave your computer on and she will think you are on all the time and it will drive her nuts. Going to Dallas in February and staying with the youngest son/wife...the older one wants to get together for dinner...to be honest, I hope it is like Christmas...just him and the granddaughter, but if the wife comes along we will all be uncomfortable but will be nice but can't be ourselves...she is so easily offend. I'm done!!!!! My pettiness kicked by in!!!! Yeah Texas beat Tech in basketball....barely in OT.

It takes to people to start a conflict and if you refuse to participate, your daughter-in-law will only be fighting with herself. It must be frustrating having to act one way when she is around and another when your son and granddaughter are alone, but in time that may change. Even the angriest people sometimes give up when nobody chooses to fight them. Good luck and congrats on Texas.

So the sociopath called me from the hospital and said "I'm in the ER with chest pain. If you can get away come see me and bring cheeseburgers." So the next day I went to the ER on my lunch hour to see the sociopath. The nice elderly volunteers at the "Patient Representative desk" told me, "Mr. Sociopath's wife is with him." I said, "Mr. Sociopath isn't married." I know this for a fact because I paid for his divorce. They said, "See here, she signed in 'Patricia Sociopath'". Well, the former Mrs. Sociopath was not named Patricia. They went to tell Mr. Sociopath that I was waiting to see him and came back to say, "He can't see you now." "Why?" "He knows you are here, he says he can't see you." So I left. A few hours later I called back to see if Mr. Sociopath had been admitted and the nice ladies at the patient representative desk told me, "He was discharged a couple of hours ago, And I KNOW who YOU are!" Of course, Mr. Sociopath claims that NO Mrs. Sociopath was visiting him, or anyone else for that matter. No one came to tell him that I was waiting to visit. And of course, I'm imagining the accusatory tone the Ladies had for me when I called back. I feel like I should stitch a Scarlet 'A' on my chest, evil home wrecker that I am, when all I was doing was trying to visit the heart attack patient at HIS request.

So, Happy, why am I so pissed off about all this? I know that the man is incapable of taking a breath without a lie flying out. So why does it matter to me that he wasted my time and won't even own up to the presence of the current "Mrs. Sociopath"? Any thoughts?

I know that if ever I end up in an emergency room with severe chest pains, I would want someone dear to me to rush over with some healthy cheeseburgers to ease the discomfort. I hear that some heart specialists feel that cheeseburgers may actually work better than bypass surgery. Oh, just one question....SO WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING????????

Why are you even talking to this guy? You should tell him to lose your phone number and get out of your life. Next time he calls with a tale of woe, use the JeWitch (I know she's your secret hero) approach. Tell him to eat sh** and die. Then he can lament about how "hostile" you are acting.

I understand that part of your actions were just trying to be nice. You are a caregiver and someone who tries to help people (even though you complain a lot). Even with your sometimes cynical outward persona, I think still try to look for the good in people. But when someone has repeatedly abused your acts of kindness, there comes a point where you have to say ENOUGH!!! You had reached that point with Mr. Sociopath a long time ago Judi. End this relationship now. I'm not sure your chest is big enough to stitch a Scarlet "S T U P I D. I D I O T " on it.

Little Rusty has been studying real hard .. says he is going to be the FIRST ONE in our family to get a high school diploma. But let me tell you this .. Don't matter how hard a Hoppenstetter tries .. the teachers and principals will always try and find fault with everything they do. Here is what happened today in Rusty's fourth grade class.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me Death?" She saw nothing but a room full of blank faces, except for Rusty, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." He said. "Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'"? Again, no response except from Rusty: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", said Rusty. The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Rusty, who lives in a trailer park with no electricity and his momma is a barmaid and he doesn't even know what his daddy does, or WHO his daddy is for that matter, only that he is Japanese, knows more about US history than you do."

She heard a loud whisper: "F**k the Japs." "Who said that?" she demanded. Rusty put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Rusty says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Rusty jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Rusty yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001." The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're f**ked" and Rusty said, "The Taliban! 2001.

I just got an email from the writers of South Park. They want to feature Rusty in one of their upcoming episodes. Who knows...maybe Rusty will become as big a star as Eric Cartman.

My husband has been caring for his best friend (our roommate) for the past 7 years. We think he had a nervous breakdown at some point but its just a guess. He is extremely intelligent (probably genius level) but socially dysfunctional. Its time for him to be out on his own and we would like to get him some assistance but we aren't sure what's wrong with him or what his disorder(s) is/are. His symptoms are the

-Severe pack rat (obsessively saves old computer parts, software, wires, etc. just in case)

- No concern for personal hygiene or well being (ie. will forget to take a shower or even eat if he is not reminded on a regular basis)

- Sleep disorder (will stay up for 3 days straight to build a computer than sleep for 6 days straight. He spent 80% of the last 3 months in bed)

- Extreme fear of confrontation (he has lost several jobs becuase he is afraid to call in to work to say he is sick or will be late. he would rather just not show and explain later. my husband tries to call for him when he is aware of it. its as if its too stressful for him to "confront" his boss.)

- Depression and anger (although he's often upbeat, he goes through these bouts of the whole world's against me. its scary to confront him because he might explode . If he thinks he is alone in the house he will storm through it slamming doors and mumbling about how he is always getting screwed.)

In a nut shell, these are his symptoms. If we knew what he had maybe we could find him some type of assisted living program or something to get him on his feet. we are his only "family" and we are out of both emotional and monetary means to continue to care for him. For the most part he's a great guy who just lost control somewhere down the line. Any suggestions?

There are two issues here that must be addressed. First off, your roommate sounds like he is suffers from a serious mental illness. While a few diagnoses come to mind, I don't know how helpful it would be to speculate. He needs to see a psychiatrist and be evaluated. There are medications that can reduce some of his symptoms but I would not want to venture a guess on his prognosis. He may need some supportive living program as well as ongoing psychiatric treatment.

The other issue is your involvement with him. I realize that he must be a dear friend whom you and your husband deeply care for. Buy you can not be his care giver forever. Your own emotional well being as well as your marriage can be jeopardized by this situation. I suggest you sit down with him and set a time frame (my suggestion is no more than 3 months) for him to find other living accommodations. During this time, you can help him to connect with other resources and support systems such as a mental health clinic, social services, day treatment, etc.

I appreciate the fact that this will be a difficult and perhaps painful process. What you and your husband need to recognize that his living with you has not helped him and just enabled him to sink deeper into his illness. His condition, as bad as it may seem can get much worse and probably will if he does not get any treatment. Help your friend to get the help he needs and also save yourselves as well. Please feel free to respond.

I tried to call JeWitch to ask her why Happy was out of letters. What could be the problem? Was her computer broke? Was her arm in a sling. Did her dog eat her phone wire? Did she run off an' git married again? Did she git mad at somebody and punch 'em and can't type? Did she try to quit smoking again and went into some kind of brain freeze? Did she not quit smoking an ketched her house on fire? NO! None of them things. She got a job at the hospital as a Candy striper spreading cheer to all the sick people. So don't worry bout her. She'll be back to writing before the week's out. Myself, I'm gonna have a pint a gin and hope it keeps me outta the hospital this week.

Thanks for the info. You know your spelling isn't always that great and I do correct some of it, but please answer this question. Is JeWitch going to be a candy striper or candy stripper?

What is professional? Can you help me with this question. I need to do a homework and have internet site on it. Do you have any idea where to find information on What is professional? and What is an "Article Critique" in concern of medicine?

I don't know specifically what the phrase "Article Critique" means but critique means critical analysis. This could be of an institution, a movie, a TV show, a government, an ideology, an consumer product, etc. A professional is someone who has licensure or certification in a specific profession. A profession is an area of Art, science, craft, social science or business that has the following components:

4. A governing body that oversees licensure/certification as well as the code of ethical conduct

5. An educational and/or apprenticeship program to train individuals for the profession

Fat Theology
-------------
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and  spinach, green and yellow vegetable of all kinds, so Man and  Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the  99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You want  fries with that?"

And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth chocolate. And woman gained pounds.

And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."

And Satan brought forth ice cream. And woman gained pounds.

And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and  olive oil with which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed  its own platter.

And Man gained pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose  those extra pounds.

And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man  would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2.

And Man gained pounds.

And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil."

And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in  fat and brimming with nutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour  cream dip also.

And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips  swaddled in cholesterol.

And Satan saw and said, "It is good."

And Man went into cardiac arrest.

And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

And Satan created HMOs.

Thanks for such a great response to my letter; the answers to the questions are for my husband. I also like the other questions you thought I could ask him, I will print those off and take them to our next marriage counseling session. I do feel as if I am getting stronger in some ways, I am off all but the Ativan and instead am taking vitamins and herbs. I have also been trying Progestrin to see if this helps the depression that I believe to be cyclic. We'll see how it goes.

I wanted to tell you that this year in the poetry contest not only do they want to publish my work but they also wanted to give me an award. They asked me to come to a convention of poets from around the world and read some of my poetry. Well, that was a nice thought, but of course I can not do that, I would fall apart in front of all those people. But, it's nice to have someone like what I write.
It's safer from a distance.

Love Methos

I'm very glad that you found my response helpful and I think will be very helpful to take those questions to marriage counseling. I hope my explanation of Schizophrenia and Dissociative Identity Disorder help clarify those conditions. Another thing I should mention is that there are over 2 million people in the United States who suffer from schizophrenia. I don't have any numbers on DID but it is a very small fraction of that.

I am very pleased to hear the good news about your poetry. I hope someday that you can stand proud in front of all those people. One of these days Methos. One of theses days.

I gots a call today from some guy The Earl met at the What Not. Evidently The Earl were complaining bout Harley's pot bellied piglet. Just when the pot o' gold looks like it's commin' over the Horizon. Mary's pigs had 10 babies (8 be females) and we should all be able to' breed our pigs in a few months and we should have over 80 pigs ready to sell to the airlines for the Muslin terrorist protection by the end o' the year.

But I'z gittin' off the story. This guy's name be Horace Isass and he wants to buy all our piglets. He says he has other animals like 3 white boa snakes and would take good care of them. Iffen we sell the piglets, we will never get enough pigs havin' sex to get pigs for the airlines. There'd be a whole bunch of planes out there that needs pigs. I think Horace got wind of our new business and wants to horn in on the idea.

An' now The Earl is trying To get rid of 'em and Harley is just in love with her baby piglet. I am depressed and just don't no what to do. I'm gonna slug a glass or 2 of gin while I wait for your advice.

Sell, Sell, Sell! Get a good price for those pigs and put the money back in Harley's college fund. I have a feeling that the airlines might just come up with a better idea for stopping terrorists and Harley should be playing with children, not pigs. After all, she's still not talking but boy is she oinking! She looks more comfortable in a mud pit that she does a diaper. I know she loves her little piglet but she's going to have to associate with humans one of these days. Hopefully she'll learn to say hello and not just make snorting sounds. I hope you get this letter before you start your second bottle of gin because it probably won't make any sense by then.

Postings from January 16-31, 2002