Postings from November 16-30, 2001
Date: November 30, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, I have been on Effexor for about 2 years. I suffer from deep depression, anxiety, and failure to move on with my life. I don't cope. I cry or get extremely angry. I have tried therapy, but I don't follow through. I feel like my problems aren't important enough, and why would anyone really want to listen to me? I take 225 mg. daily. I am seeing my family doctor today to try something different. I will also demand to see a therapist without all the jumping through hoops. I know I need therapy. My childhood haunts me. Can you help me? Sincerely, Kelly Dear Kelly, If your childhood haunts you, there's a good chance that in addition to anxiety and depression, you suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I don't know what happened to you back then but it must have been extremely traumatic and painful. I think you need to tell your Doctor that you had some very serious childhood issues (You don't have to share the details unless you want to) and need to work with a therapist who specializes in PTSD. If your family Doctor prescribed the Effexor for you I would strongly urge you to get a referral to a psychiatrist. There might be other medications out their that could be more effective for you. Medication is not a cure, but it can help you to at least follow through on your treatment. If you wish, you can continue to write me and update me on your progress. I don't believe in Internet therapy but I do believe in Internet support. If that is helpful to you, I will continue to answer you letters on this web page. Good Luck. happy(Internetsupporter)shrink
Dear Happy, Finally talked Edna into going for a few visits to my shrink. Her youngest kid is really making her nuts you know .. She insisted that I go into the shrinks office with her each visit .. and so I did. (can't begin to tell you how badly I wanted to anyway.) The shrink tells
her "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I am
going to give you a prescription for some tranquillizers that I
want you to start taking regularly." JeWitch Dear JeWitch, You mean to tell me that she actually cared about her kids before the tranquillizers? Who would have thunk it? happy(whocares)shrink
Date: November 29, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, Last night my boyfriend and I had a very big fight and it was all because of a very simple misunderstanding. Today I feel very bad about it and he is pretty much acting as if nothing ever happened. But I can't let go of feeling terrible. What I want is to be able to go back in time and undo and unsay all the things that I did and said. I know that won't happen, though - so how do I move forward? Don't men ever get upset and wish they could go back, too? Miss Understanding Dear Miss Understanding, Yes, men have regrets and feel remorse over things they said. Many men have difficulty expressing those kinds of feelings though. From the time we are young boys, we are given the message that showing vulnerability and being sensitive is weak and even worse, something that girls do. When we grow up we may come to realize that this message was a poor one but it's still hard to change learned behaviors. My guess is that your boyfriend has not moved forward. He may be stoically making believe that everything is fine again but I am sure he has feelings about what happened the other night. Perhaps you can bring up what happened at a time when both of you seem calm and able to listen to one another. Start by telling him how you felt and share your regrets. Hopefully he will be able to express similar feelings. If he can't, be patient and accept that he's not ready to do this. In time he may be able to. It's all part of developing trust and intimacy in a relationship. Keep trying Miss Understanding. happy(understanding)shrink
Dear Happy, According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year. Male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen - had to be a female. We should've known that only a woman would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost. JeWitch Dear JeWitch, The fact is, Santa and those female reindeer get lost all the time. And of course Santa would only choose female reindeer. Who else would ask for directions? happy(notmeI'maMachoMan)shrink
Date: November 28, 2001
Dear Happyshrink My name is Caroline I'm 18 years old and studying my last year at High school in Sweden. I'm doing an English C-project and have been reading On the Road by Jack Kerouac and I wonder if you could answer some questions concerning this book? 1. Is it common that people who feel depressed want to leave their everyday life and travel far away? 2. What do you tell people who want to runaway from their life? 3. In which ages is it most common to have this runaway dreams? 4. What is it that people want to find that they don't have in their everyday life when they thinking of runaway? 5. Is the dream of going away from everyday life over romanticized or is it really the best way to get a new and better start in life and to be happy? It would be very kind of you to answer these questions. I'm looking forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully Caroline Dear Caroline, I too read On the Road by Jack Kerouac when I was in High School. It's been awhile since I read it but I liked it very much. I will try to answer your questions as best I can. 1. People who are depressed as a result of their life situation are more likely to want to leave their everyday life. Those people who suffer from depression primarily as a result of a chemical imbalance are less likely to have these feelings. 2. Usually I ask them what they hope to find if they do run away. I might also ask them what they are really running away from. 3. There are several ages when this phenomenon is more prevalent. Teenagers and middle aged people having "mid-life crisis" are more likely to contemplate running away. Teenagers are often overwhelmed by the prospects of going to college, entering adulthood and developing intimate relationships. The thought of running away puts these issues on hold. Middle aged people may feel that their life has lost meaning or that their hopes and dreams have never been met. Running away is a new start for some of them. 4. People want to find "relevance." Isn't that what we all want? Beyond wealth and fortune we all want to believe that we matter. So how can we turn an irrelevant life into a relevant one? 5. Yes, I think that running away is always over romanticized. If you want to make your life mean something you start by facing life and not running away from it. Life is hard Caroline. Change is even more difficult. But inner change is the key; not just a change of scenery. I hope this is helpful Caroline and good luck with your project. Let me know how you did. happy(tryingtofindrelevanceontheInternet)shrink
Dear Happy, You know .. I am
not the kind of person to spread gossip. But yesterday my next
door neighbor's, husband's sister's brother in law's wife's second
cousin was on the bus .... A man of Arabic-appearance got off and she
noticed that he had left his briefcase behind. She grabbed the
briefcase and ran after him, caught up with him two blocks away and
handed him back the briefcase. Edna Dear Edna, Isn't your daughter Lucy a waitress at the Orlando Hard Rock Cafe? And isn't Enos one of the cooks there? happy(StilleatingatDenny's)shrink
Date: November 27, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, My therapist gave me an assignment during my last session, and I am having a difficult time with a part of it. Part of the assignment is to give a Psychoanalysis of the structure of my husband. Well, since I am not a psychologist, this is a little hard for me to do and not just let my opinions go wild. I want to be able to give a well thought out and knowledgeable paper to him. So I guess what I need is some ideas on where to go find the kind of information I would need, and also a little help with keeping the personal stuff out of it so that I can be clear and precise. I do not want to fail this assignment, and I want to be fair to my spouse. My therapist seems to believe that my husband is egocentric, all of this based only on the interpretation I give him about my husband. My therapist also talks about individualism, I like the idea of someday being an individual. However, what are the differences between individualism and egocentricity? Anyway, all the help you could give me would be nice. Thanks for your time. Danceswithcats Dear Danceswithcats, I don't think it is a reasonable or even realistic task to psychoanalyze your own husband given the fact that you don't have the training to do that and you biased by the very nature of your relationship. I do think you can give a "balanced" description of him to your therapist and that I believe would best fulfill your assignment. Perhaps you can identify 10 things about your husband that you like the best. Also identify 10 things that you dislike the most. You might also want to comment on which of those two lists were hardest to compile. You can also give an example when your husband was most happy, when he was most sad, most angry, most anxious, most confused, most self-assured, etc. If there were any significant life changing experiences in your husband's history, that would also be important. Examples might be things like his losing a parent or sibling at an early age, his being a Vietnam or Desert Storm veteran, serious illnesses, accidents, trauma, etc. Put all those things together Danceswithcats and I think you will give your therapist a pretty good idea about your husband. Please let me know how your assignment comes out. happy(dancesonlyatweddingsandbarmitzvahs)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I just got home from JeWitch's. Something is dead wrong about that boyfriend of hers. I think he needs some serious help. I was outside, dividing the dirt in my garden, which just happens to be near her kitchen window and I heard her come in. "What're you doing?" she asks. "I'm hunting flies! I got me 3 males and 2 females so far!" Well, at this point I had to look up because I sure as heck never saw male and female flies. There he was, standing over them laying on the counter. What was he gonna do? Mount them over the fireplace? So JeWitch says "How do you know which ones are male and which ones are female, you idiot? They're FLIES for G**sake!" He looked at her square in the face and said "I know because, DARLING, 3 of them were on that beer can and 2 of them were on the phone!" What a sexist pig! Time to go. Gilbert needs to have his weekly manicure and I'm almost out of Palmolive. Sincerely, Mildred Thigpen Dear Mildred, I have only one question for you. What was one of the male flies doing on that beer can? happy(notasexistpigbutIplayoneontheInternet)shrink
Date: November 26, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, My daughter in law and I are angry....both said angry things. My 32 year old son now says he wants me out of his life and I can't see my grandaughter whom I raised for four years. I hear this is common...how long should I let him be...I have been pleading and it has gotten me no where. I have been told to just let him go and maybe someday he will forgive. Is there a support group? I have good and bad days since we live a distance apart. I do have other children and grandchildren thank goodness...but this is the first born son...heard this one before. I mean we have said mean nasty things to each other. Thanks for listening. FB Dear FB, I have one suggestion that you may not have thought about. Why not write a letter to your daughter-in-law? The letter should be an unconditional apology. It shouldn't try to justify your angry words or hers. It should say that many bad things were said in anger and you wish to apologize for what you said to her. Frankly, it's not important who's right or wrong or who started the fight. What is important is that you are offering an olive branch without expectations of the same being returned back to you. Is what I'm suggesting fair? Probably not, but the question is, "Do you want to see your son and grandchildren or not?" If the answer is yes, you can bite the bullet and take the first step. Pleading with your son will do no good as long as you and your daughter-in-law are at war. If you ask your son to choose between yourself and her, don't expect him to choose you. The key here is making peace with your daughter-in-law and keeping your opinions of her and what she does to yourself. It's not easy, but that's what you have to do. Good Luck FB. Let me know if it works. If it doesn't, you may need to give it some more time and try again in the future. happy(havebittenthebulletoo)shrink
Dear Happy, Do me a favor, call "THE MAN" and tell him I can't "MAKE THE SCENE" .. because it just "AIN'T MY BAG." Waking up every day at 7AM is a "BUMMER." Tell him to stop "BRINGING ME DOWN" .. F THE ESTABLISHMENT !!! Edna Practicing "hippie" .. gonna be one for Thanksgiving ... Or was that Halloween .. I get so mixed up with all these holidays so close together. Dear Edna, The holiday is Halloween and I think you were trying to be a "beatnik" They were before the hippies and boy were they cool! happy(splittingthesceneforanotherday)shrink
Date: November 25, 2001
Hey Dr. Hap, Every Monday night for the past 2-1/2 yrs. I've been going to group therapy. It has been so wonderful to get together with 5 or 6 other really f'd up women every Monday night. Problem is I'm not quite as f'd up as I used to be. Soon it will be time for me to graduate from group. Boy I could really tell some stories about the wild and whacko women I've come across over the past few years. This one chick was in group for a little over a month. She said about 5 or 10 words the whole time. One Monday night we all decided to get together afterwards and have coffee at Starbucks. There are some specific group "rules" about outside activities but we decided to ignore them. Well Little Bow Beep decides that she's going to spill her guts to all of us while we're eating our crumpets and sipping our coffee frappachinos. The entire 2-1/2 hrs we all just nodded and made sad faces and said "uuuuhhhhhh.., what a shame." The next Monday night she murmured something about not being able to continue with group and she up and walked out. Right then and there! Never seen hide nor hair of her again! When the therapists learned she spilled her guts at Starbucks they wanted details. Guess what? Turns out that not a darn one of us could hear what Little Bow Beep was saying that night! So I learned to never fake like you can hear someone when you really can't. I've been going to group for so darn long that I even know the guy who has the time slot before mine. All the f'd up Monday night girls have to wait in the lobby until it's time to begin. For about 6 months this guy would come out of his session and high tale it across that lobby in about 2 seconds. The whole time just staring straight down at the carpet. I called him "carpet muncher." Not to his face though... just in my head. Now he always makes eye contact and he and I even exchange waiting room anxiety tips. And my therapists. How I love those women! There are two for our group. One lady rocks back and forth when she laughs. I just love to watch her laugh. Her hair is long and blond & very coarse. We always end the session with hugs. I love touching her hair and I love making her laugh. I'm afraid I'm going to miss Monday night much more than the f'd up Monday night girls are going to miss me! Once you leave the f'd up group, you can't really come back you know? I've seen lots of f'd up women leave and the next week it's like they never even existed. They don't even get an occasional honorable mention. Anyway, I was just wondering if you had any suggestions on how I could fill my Monday nights. Thanks a lot.... see you soon. Corn(knowswheretofindthetuesdayf'd-upcrowd)Fed 2001 Dear Cornfed, I don't have any suggestions for filling up your Monday nights but I have a lot of confidence that you will think of something. As enigmatic as individual therapy is, group therapy is a compound enigma. You share not only with a therapist but other people who like you are searching for answers. Some are able to work hard and find the answers while others struggle with little or no success. When someone leaves the group, the group also has to leave them in order to move on. There is great intimacy in groups as well as isolation and anonymity. It sounds to me that you experience was a rich and productive one Cornfed. Yes, it is time to move on and that doesn't mean ending your search for answers. That is a life long process that only ends in death. (Who knows, maybe beyond that.) What ever you do with you Monday nights make sure you take some time to appreciate the journey ended. It will make the journey ahead that much more meaningful. Hope to see you once in a while at the Tuesday night f'd up crowd. happy(lookingforwardtomeetingCornfed2002)shrink
Happy, Just the other day, this REALLY CUTE guy Enos was in town picking up supplies for his farm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and an anvil. Then, he stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a goose. However, he now had a problem: how to carry all his purchases home. The livestock dealer said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" He was walking down the street when he spotted me (looking sort of lost) and and I said to him ... "Can you tell me how to get to the No Name Trailer Park ?" Enos said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I also live at The No Name Trailer Park, in lot 11. Let's take a shortcut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time." I said, "I am a lonely woman, my boyfriend is in jail and I have nobody at home to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?" Enos said, "Holy smokes, woman ! I'm carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" I said, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens." Edna Dear Edna, It would be hard to find any big city mathematicians with your skills in logic. Soooo..... Were you able to hold on to the chickens or did you end up letting go of them? happy(oh oui oh oui oh oui oh)shrink
Date: November 24, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, I am a seventeen year old who needs major help. I was going to a football game to cheer and I had pulled something stupid, I mixed alcohol in with a soda. One of my fellow cheerleaders had a sip of my drink not realizing what I had done and there face had given it away to the assistant cheerleading coach. Later on that night the coach had spoken to me and asked me what I had in the bottle, and I had told her it was Dr. Pepper. She said that she wouldn't say anything until one of the administrators found out about it. But she knew that it wasn't Dr. Pepper. I said that's fine, she said that she would tell them that it was my bottle (which it was) but she didn't see me drink from the bottle and she didn't smell it on my breath (which is also correct because I didn't drink from it). The thing is that now, the administrators know about it, I'm suspended from school for five days and I have to go to a meeting with the school's superintendent and then go in front of the school board and plead my case. The thing is that my best friend has been through this whole ordeal when we were in eighth grade and she got away with three days of suspension and community service hours, another friend of mine got caught on a FFA trip and got suspended from all school activities, and another friend got caught showing up at a homecoming drunk and all he did was write an apology letter. I don't know what I should do as to facing the school board and or the superintendent. Some say that I should get character references, others say that I should write and apology letter, and others say that I should say that I am willing to get help or got to counseling. Either way I look at it, the biggest punishment I am looking at is expulsion. Then if that happens I get sent to a bad kids school in which I feel that I am not a bad kid. I have nothing on my record...other than being tardy to school and having lunch detention for being late to class. What should I do in regards to the meetings that I have to appear at? What if I am expelled from school...what about my future in looking at colleges being that it is my senior year? Sincerely, A teenage cheerleader Dear teenage cheerleader, Whenever you or anyone else does something wrong, the best thing to do is admit it, take responsibility, and make amends. Even if you hadn't drank from the bottle, that was your intent and I would be honest about that as well as letting the school board know why it was wrong. I hope you understand why it was wrong besides the fact that you got caught. A letter of apology to the board as well as your cheerleading squad explaining this is a good idea. I don't know from you letter if you have been doing a lot of drinking but if you have, it might also be a good idea to seek some counseling as well. While I understand your concerns about the punishment the School Board will give to you, you might also want to think about the kind of person you want to be and how alcohol may impact on that. Your teenage years are a time for exploration and experimentation. It is all part of the exciting journey to adulthood. But the things you experiment with and explore can have an enormous impact on your future. I think you realized that when you contemplated the possibility of being expelled. Hopefully it won't come down to that teenage cheerleader but I hope you do learn from this error in judgment. Good luck and let me know what happens. happy(willingtoforgiveaslongasyoudon'tforget)shrink
Dear Happy, I gots to tell ya bout ar Circle K Thanksgiving potluck down to the wash house. Mary decorated the picnic tables with white sheets an' flowers an' she made a reel store bought turkey. Harry Balzack made the stuffin' an' a orange glaze for the top. I brung a fresh killed possum and' gravy. Dui and Snake brung a kegger an' Airborne brung his appetite. We had a feast ya wouldn't believe. Then the German guy, Gunner Coppafeel from lot 69, brung out foam balls an' colored cloth and rick rack an seeqwins an' pins an' we all started makin' Christmas tree decorations. We was doing real pretty till the boys got too drunk to stick the pins in rite and when JeWitch came by after dinner (she be quitting smoking for the 487th time), she stabbed the foam balls with the carving fork. But it's a thinkin that we should not be having picnics till Jewitch goes back to smoking again an' then, just to be safe, not have'm in front o' the statue of Reagen. Gind Rinker Dear Gind, Glad that Thanksgiving turned out so nice for you and gang. Really try and help JeWitch stop smoking once and for all. When she gets strung out, let her poke holes in the "Reagen" Statue happy(wantsahealthyJeWitchforChristmas)shrink
Dear Happy, As I was leaving my son's house after a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner, I noticed that since it was already dark, damn near every other house already had their "holiday" decorations up. WHAT THE F ??? I mean, the Christians were obviously jealous of the Jews (again) with our 8 days of Hanukah .. so they had to come up with the even BIGGER 12 DAYS of Christmas .. So let 'em have it I say to myself .. who gives a rats ass. But now ... Some people haven't taken their Halloween decorations completely down, and the UNSIGHTLY Christmas decorations are going up ?? And they leave them up until WELL AFTER New Years. By that time they have burnt out bulbs, Jesus is no longer in the Manger .. Mary and Joseph are buried under a Santa's sleigh that a strong wind blew off some roof top a few houses down the road .. AND I AM FORCED into looking at this .. DAY AFTER DAY .. NIGHT AFTER NIGHT .. I wouldn't put it past the Store owners and mall owners, that they had something to do with this daylight savings time, this way when I am coming home from work and I see all these decorations .. I am HYPNOTISED into stopping off at the mall to buy EVEN MORE Christmas presents. Well, let me tell you this Mr. Mall Store Owner .. I AM NOT buying ONE DAMN PRESENT ..in ONE DAMN STORE .. unless I go inside and hear Dreidle Dreidle Dreidle playing through your sound system.. THAT'S IT !!! I have had it with the GOD DAMN CHRISTMAS SEASON being shoved down my throat from before Thanksgiving till damn near Valentine's day. F THE RETAILERS IN ORLANDO !!!! F THE PEOPLE WHO I LIVE WITH AND WORK WITH WHO TRY AND SHOVE THEIR RELIGION AND HOLIDAYS DOWN MY THROAT ... You don't see a 10 foot Menorah on my front lawn do you ?? AND WHY NOT ??? Not only because someone would burn my house down .. BUT BECAUSE IT IS STUPID !!! STOP IT !!! Nuff said ... JeWitch Dear JeWitch, Gind was right. You are having a tough time with trying to quit smoking. And by the way..... in New York, they do have 10 foot Menorah's. Some even bigger. You know why? BECAUSE WE ARE STUPID!!!! Now calm the frig down and eat some potato latkes. happy(alwayskeepstheHANUKinHANUKAH)shrink
Date: November 23, 2001
Hi folks! Happy had a little too much Thanksgiving yesterday and is now in the recovery phase of the holiday. He promises to be back tomorrow, though.
Date: November 22, 2001
I wish to remember this date in history when 38 years ago the first of two world changing events in my lifetime took place; the assassination of President Kennedy. We lost a great deal of our innocence on that day and we lost the rest of it on September 11, 2001.
Have a happy and bountiful Thanksgiving. I am thankful for everyone who has shared their joy and sorrow on this web page. Let us hope that the future life changing events in our world will raise humanity and not lower it. happy
Date: November 21, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, How do you tell the difference between depression and laziness? When I don't feel like washing the mountain of clothes or mopping the floor or struggling with the kids to get their homework done, is that depression or am I just lazy? I am taking my medication, so isn't what's left over just my unpleasant personality? I'd like to go take a nap right now. Sincerely, Judiblueye Dear Judi, You left out one possibility. Maybe it's just plain normal. Call me crazy but after working a whole day, I don't feel like doing laundry or cleaning or cooking or helping kids with homework either. I really don't think I'm lazy and I don't think I'm depressed. That fact is Judi, life is hard. As a single parent, it's harder for you than most people. Secondly, I don't think your personality is unpleasant but if it was it seems that it just might be a result of having to work, cook, clean, live on a tight budget and struggle though elementary school once again. That would make Miss Congeniality look like Attila the Hun. So take your nap, a couple of Tylenol and email me in the morning. happy(gettingabitsleepyhimself)shrink
Happyshrink, Diane (JeWitch wouldn't send you something like this and Edna .... well ... Edna is Edna.) Dear Diane, Have a happy and healthy Thanksgiving. I am thankful for you, JeWitch and even Edna. Love, happy(hasmuchtobethankfulfor)shrink
Date: November 20, 2001
Dear Happy We have a 4 yr old daughter. We sometimes experience parent-child relationship problems whenever we (even slightly) criticize her or even ask her to do or not do something. She is very sensitive and starts crying, screaming. We want to teach her what's right or wrong. Even when we tell her to be careful with something she starts. We have tried many methods but failed. We are not worried about the inconvenient it causes us but for the fact that when she grows up and faces more serious matters in life she might not be able to stand even slightest disagreeable experiences the life is full of. I thank you for your kind advise. Best regards G R Dear G R, Some kids are more sensitive to "correction" than other kids are. Some kids may also use crying and screaming as a means of getting their way. It can be quite effective, especially in public when you will do just about anything to get them to stop screaming. While there is no quick fix to this problem, I would suggest that to the extent possible, you try and frame the corrections in a positive way and also use praise when she makes the correction. Here are some examples. It's time for you to help mommy clean up your room because you are a big girl and big girls do that. I'm really pleased with how much you did. I'm glad you are enjoying your lunch and I bet you will enjoy it even more if you use your napkin to wipe your chin. I know it's tough being on line and having to wait so long, but we will be finished soon and then we can have some fun. What would you like to do? Lastly G R, the fact that your daughter is overly sensitive to criticism and will cry over little things is not necessarily an indication that she will grow up to be a fragile individual. Many factors will shape the kind of adult she grows up to be. Kids have their own ways of working out their issues and my guess is that your daughter will work them out in time. Role modeling appropriate behavior will also go a long way. Good luck and let me know how you and your daughter are doing. happy(tillwhineswhenhedoesn'tgethisway)shrink
Dear Happy, Just wanted to warm your heart for Thanksgiving by showing you a picture of my grandson Ozzie Axel Cobain. Isn't he the sweetest thing? He seems to be taking after his Grandpa Bubba who is home from jail for the holidays. Ain't life grand? Love, Edna
Dear Edna, Yes, life is grand and I hope they don't catch up with Bubba until at least Friday. happy(atthispointinhislifelookingforwardtocookiesandmilk)shrink
Date: November 19, 2001
Hello Happyshrink, My problem is almost 3 yrs since me and my wife has been together. I have 5 girls and she has 1 boy and 1 girl. Some times they play together and some times they don't which isn't the problem but ever since my father-in-law past away my step son has really been hateful to me and to pretty much to everyone in our family. I do as much as I can with him but we had a bad accident 2yrs ago and I was put on total disability and I don't do as much as I use to but when I can I do. Not to long ago I signed him up for hunting license and bought a 22 rifle for him so he can practice what parts of a gun is what for his test. It seems the more I do for him the more he hates me. What do you think the problem is. I found out not to long ago that he thinks I'm trying to take his grand fathers place with him. I thought I was just doing things for him. He's tried to put me in jail twice now and me and my wife are at the end of our rope. He did go to counseling before this last time and his father told me and my wife that he doesn't care what he does anymore so he quit taking him to there, which we thought is was helping him a lot but since he isn't going anymore it seems he's right back were he was before with the hate. How can we help him if his father won't help him? We have rules in our house and his father doesn't and neither one of my wife's kids will listen to me or do what I say unless I get my wife after them and they disrespect her in the process. What can we both do? Thanks confused Dear confused, I think that the best thing that you and your wife can do is get your whole family into family therapy. That includes your kids, her kids and the both of you. When you and your wife married you took solemn vows. None of your kids did. They inherited a situation that was out of their control and while some are adjusting better than others, there are issues that each and every member of the family has. After 3 years, the communication among you seems poor at best. You need to open up communication in an atmosphere where everyone can trust that their thoughts and feelings will be heard. Family therapy doesn't achieve that overnight, but over time I think it can really make a difference in the way each of you speak and listen to one another. One last thought confused. I will admit up front that I am not a big fan of guns but I do respect the fact other people can use them in a responsible manner. I don't know if it's a wise decision to allow your step son to have a gun right now when he is filled with so much anger. Given his history of trying to put you in jail, I would be very concerned about his potential to take even more drastic actions to get you out of the house. I know you want to show him you are a good guy but safety should be considered above all else at this point. Good luck and feel free to write me again. happy(safetyfirst)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Just purely out of curiosity, do not ask me why it came up, but my boyfriend and I are very stumped in trying to find exactly what the name or psychological name of what it is called when somebody enjoys having sex with somebody who is no longer living. As strange as it may, it would be much appreciated if you could assist us with this matter! Thank You very much!!! bb Dear bb, Can you say the word necrophilia? (nec-ro-phil-i-a) I thought you could. happy(It'sabeautifuldayintheneighborhood)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I went to the doctor yesterday. The nurse asked for my height and weight, and I blurted out, "Five-foot-eight and 125 pounds." The nurse looked at me and said . "Sweetheart, this is not the Internet." JeWitch Don't worry. You'll always be Five-foot-eight and 125 pounds to me. happy(IgotsomanyhotlookingInternetfriends)shrink
Date: November 18, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, I just found your web page and was reading back through some of your older letters. In doing this, I found a group of letters from someone and I think that I know this person. In fact, I'm really pretty positive that this is the same person. From what I know, everything is true, but there was a lot more information that was printed than what I knew. I'm not sure about whether or not to ask this person if this is them or what? What would you do? Curious but Cautious Dear Curious but Cautious Considering there are hundreds of millions of people who have access to the Internet, it is quite likely that the person who wrote me is someone else with the same situation as the person you know. As far as asking the person you know if it was them who wrote me, I have two questions for you: Does the person's situation involve or affect you and your personal life in any way? What do you hope to gain by finding out if it is in fact the person you think it is? If you don't have good and practical answers for these questions, you are probably better off leaving it alone. People's names are not given on my web page to ensure their anonymity. The purpose of that is to respect people's privacy. That's what I do Curious but Cautious and that's what you should do too. happy(curiousitykilledthecat)shrink
Dear Happy, Just wanted to send you the Hoppenstetter's THANKFUL FOR, Thanksgiving List .. ENJOY !! This Thanksgiving, the Hoppenstetter's will set up the T.V. trays in the living room and they will indulge in Swanson turkey pot pies and Old Milwaukees as they have done for decades. They will watch the television for hours, they will smoke many Camel cigarettes and eventually, they will all fall asleep. Before they break bread, (or break the top crust on their pot pies) they will pause to be thankful for what has been bestowed upon them. The following is a list of what the Hoppenstetter's have to be thankful for... Edna Hoppenstetter is thankful that her unemployed oldest son Andy has decided to apply for welfare since the birth of her grandson, Ozzy Axl Cobain. Edna is also thankful that her daughter Lulu has a prison pen pal named Rufus Tyrone Edmonds because she's hoping that Lulu will fall in love with this convict and move out when Rufus gets paroled. Edna is also thankful that her youngest boy, Rusty, has not been expelled from the alternative high school this month nor has he violated his probation. Andie Hoppenstetter is thankful for Hustler, Playboy and Penthouse magazines. He is also thankful that the slide-lock works on Edna's bathroom door. Momma Hoppenstetter, who resides in the Out to Pasture Nursing Home in Bithlo, Florida, is thankful that the nursing home is understaffed over the Thanksgiving weekend. That way, she will be able to do some serious bed-hopping without the night shift nurses getting on her ass. Edna Hoppenstetter is thankful that the Kum Qwik Convenience Store is running a special on Hostess Twinkies. The Twinkies are expired, but so what if the creme is a little grainy and the cake is a little stale, they're three for a dollar! Andie Duckweed is thankful he doesn't have to work the Friday after Thanksgiving--or the following Monday or Tuesday or anytime after that. Lola (formerly Hoppenstetter) Copperfeld is thankful for those little satellite dishes that pick up so many T.V. channels. Irene Duckweed is thankful that Big and Beautiful Women's Apparel has an XXXL moo-moo that comes in black because the color black has a slimming effect. Wilma Hoppenstetter is thankful that Thanksgiving is a holiday centered around eating because all that eating will distract her new husband from wanting to have sex with her. Wilma's husband is thankful that the police radio in his squad car is broken because now he can enjoy his donuts in peace. JeWitch Dear JeWitch, I'm thankful that I have so many friends on the Internet that are even more screwed up than me. happy(screwedupenoughforoneday)shrink
Date: November 17, 2001
Dear Happy, What is the difference between LCMHC, LMHC and MSW? I think there are more initials that I don't know also. I am trying to find a therapist and I am very confused about all of this. What do all these letters stand for and what do they mean to me in terms of looking for help? My issues are mainly a very bitter divorce 5 years ago and having a difficult time in my job. Thank you for your help. MTT Dear MTT, Many mental health professionals have different letters after their names. They should be obliged to tell you what the letters mean when you ask them. Generally speaking those professions that are recognized to provide counseling and psychotherapy are psychiatry, psychology, counseling, social work and nursing. Different states recognized different degrees and issue a variety of licenses and certifications that may or may not be eligible for health insurance coverage. In choosing a mental health professional, it is important first to consider your needs. If you are suffering from a condition that requires medication, you may need to see a psychiatrist first for an evaluation. Some states recognize nurse-practitioners who are able to prescribe medication. No other professions other than medical doctors and nurse practitioners are able to do this. If you don't require medication, you might want to consider insurance reimbursement and overall cost. Lastly and most important is how you experience the engagement process with your mental health profession. You must feel comfortable and believe that you can build a trusting relationship with that person. As far as all those letters are concerned, you have every right to ask what they mean and if they are licensed in the state they are practicing. For example, I am an MSW (Master of Social Work) who is "Certified" in the State of New York. The letters next to my name are CSW-R. (Certified Social Worker) The "R" allows for medical insurance reimbursement and only certain CSW's have this designation. In some cases I would have to be a participating member of an HMO or Managed Care Company to qualify for reimbursement in those types of plans. These are issues I discuss with my patients and every mental health professional should be obliged to do likewise. Good luck in making a thoughtful and wise choice MTT. happy(agoodcomsumeristhebestpatient)shrink
Dear Happy, There has been some previous discussion about Edna and her psychic abilities. The fact that she can predict the outcome of television series episodes like Gilligan's Island and The Roadrunner cartoon is but the tip of the iceberg. Edna's powers to foretell the future go far beyond mere television programming. Here are just a few examples of how her gift has allowed her to peer into the great beyond all during her life. When Edna was eight years old and she got her head caught in the neighbor's fence and she screamed and screamed for her mother to come and help her, Edna KNEW that her mother would ignore her screams and simply pour herself another glass of wine. And several years later, when Edna's mother was sleeping with seven or eight men from the second shift of the Shoe factory, Edna FORETOLD her parent's divorce. And when Edna turned twenty-one and she and her best friend, Lurlene Handcock, went into the Dew Drop Inn on Ladies Night, Edna PREDICTED that a lot of rough-looking biker guys would buy them drinks and stare at their butts. Edna KNEW that Bob Dole would not win. Edna FORESAW her ninety-nine year old grandfather's death. She knew he would expire in this decade. And last but not least, Edna HAD A FEELING that if she didn't use birth control when she slept with Bubba, she might wind up pregnant. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? SHE WAS RIGHT ON ALL COUNTS! JeWitch Dear JeWitch, I guess that's why we both love her so much. She is truly an amazing woman. happy(neverceasestobeamazed)shrink
Date: November 16, 2001
Dear Happy Shrink, I have a friend who I believe may be schizophrenic. I know that she takes a drug called Lithium. Is this a drug commonly used to treat this illness? JS Dear JS, Lithium carbonate is used to treat bipolar disorder, a condition which involves mood swings from various degrees of depression to elation and mania. It can be also prescribed for individuals who have a combination of bipolar disorder as well as schizophrenia. This condition is known as schizo-affective disorder. Individuals diagnosed with schizo-affective disorder usually take other medications along with lithium. Your friend is most likely being treated for one of these conditions. The severity of these conditions as well as the response to treatment can vary. Your friend, if she takes her medication consistently and participates in supportive counseling or other treatment modalities can live a productive and happy life. I hope I answered your question JS. Please feel free to ask more. happy(tryingtoliveaproductiveandhappylife)shrink
Dear Happy, Well, as you know, every Sunday, we has a games day and potluck here at the Circle K. Well, we hadn't tried baseball in years cuz of the damage to the sides and windows of the trailers. But 2 o' Edna's kids came over from the No Name Park. They been playin' catch with a glove and rocks, and you wouldn't believe how good they is. They was on our team, me, Jewitch, Thelma, Edna and kids was The Circle K's. The Earl, Bubba, Snake, Ezra, Harry Balzack, Rev. Al, Pegleg, Airborne, an' Dui, they was "The Guzzlers". Ben Dover, an' the boys from lot 69 warmed the bench. Mary and Momma didn't play neither. You would not believe how good them kids was. The one throwin' and the other catchin'. They struck out ever one o' the Guzzlers even afore they was loaded. But what I were writing about is, do ya think them New York Yankees could use a couple kids this good? Gind Rinker Dear Gind, I never thought I would see the day when the good people of of the Circle K and No Name trailer parks would encourage their kids to become Yankees. What about the Atlanta Braves? With that John Rokker guy gone, they could probably use a few good ole boys. happy(andagoodoleyankeeboy)shrink
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