Postings from November 1-15, 2001
Date: November 15, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, What if you are depressed and have tried almost every type of anti-depressant, even in combination. Then you go through Electro-Convulsive-Therapy (ECT) and it doesn't work, then back home you go and back on the medicines. What will work? I still have sudicial thoughts, even though I see a therapist every week and a psychiatrist every 2 weeks. I still feel the same. Not to mention that my father just died the day I got out of the hospital, about three weeks ago. I have two kids they drive me crazy. I have a loving husband who stands behind me 100%. But I know that it is starting to trouble him too. I do absolutley nothing . My house is a mess I only cook because I have to and usually it is a heat up dinner. I wash clothes as we need them. I do no more than I have to some days I don't even get dressed. It is sad to say, but, that is the way I feel. I sleep all of the time. The only reason I am up now is because I ran out of one of my meds that makes me sleep so I can't sleep now. Besides I've slept all day and all of the night before, and the day before and so on and so on. I can't wait for my kids and husband to leave every morning so I can go back to sleep. Going to the grocery store is something that I have asked my mom and mom-in-law to do for me. I would tell them that I didn't feel good which was no lie. I pay as many bills on line as possible, and the ones that I can't I wait until I have to go to the doctor to do them. I need help and what my therapist and psychiatrist and the meds are doing is not what needs to be done. I am desperate. k*** Dear k*** If you had a stroke and could not walk, you would have to spend hours each day doing physical therapy hoping to make small improvements and eventually regain your ability to walk.... or, you could do nothing but take your medication, see your doctor and remain in a wheelchair for the rest of your life. Your depression is no different. You suffer from a severe form of major depression and there is no therapy or medication that will miraculously cure you. Like a stroke victim having to do physical therapy, you are going to have to do mental therapy if you want to reclaim your life. That means forcing yourself to do some things; not all at once but little by little. This week you might set as a goal that you need to get dressed every day. Next week you may set as a goal to stay awake an extra hour..... then two....then three. Perhaps down the road you can set as a goal to go to the store once a week.... then twice maybe. This is the rehab you need to do k*** but nobody can make you do it. All anyone can do is be supportive and you seem to have that with your family. If you feel your therapist and psychiatrist are not responsive to your needs you can always get a second opinion but right now more than anything else, you need to be responsive to your needs. One last thought. If you are sleeping most of the day, you shouldn't be taking sleep medication. Is your psychiatrist aware of this? If you are withholding that information from him, you have more than a problem with depression. You have a substance abuse problem as well. Be honest with yourself k*** and be honest with the people who are trying to help you. They can't help you if you don't work with them. Please think about what I said and write me again. happy(hasmilestogobeforehesleeps)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Seems like forever that Bubba's been in jail. I have the feeling I will NEVER see him again. He writes me letters every day, but the last one he wrote me pretty much says "Edna, I won't be seeing you for a REAL LONG TIME." Here .. read for yourself. Dear Edna, Greetings once more from prison. I don’t know if the warden is reading my mail or not so bear with me and try to read between the lines. (If you are too stupid to read between the lines it really doesn’t matter, I still intend to go ahead with things as planned--or NOT PLANNED.) I definitely DO NOT intend to break out of prison this Friday night. I WILL NOT tamper with the cable hook-up at the prison and then I WILL NOT hide in the cable guy’s van when he comes to fix it. After that, once I HAVE NOT cleared the prison grounds, I WILL NOT hitch-hike a ride from here to Orlando. I WILL then NOT come to your house at the No Name Trailer Park and start living with you. Do you understand what I’m saying to you, Edna? I am saying that soon, very soon We WILL NOT be together. So as a result, in preparation for my NOT COMING to your house, why don’t you go out and buy a sleazy, cheap nightgown (maybe something red with some red fur on it) and rent some Disney movies (because you know how I like Walt Disney) and stock your refrigerator with lots and lots of malt liquor because I AM NOT PLANNING on arriving at your house by Saturday. So, Edna, ready or NOT, here I NOT come! Bubba Well ... What do you think Happy, time for me to start looking for another man ?? Edna Dear Edna, Why not give it a week or so? At least through the weekend. Keep in mind that among the alternatives to Bubba are Earl, Snake, DUI and Gilbert. happy(oneneverknowsdoone?)shrink
Date: November 14, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, I am 22 years old and having a lot of trouble making friends and developing a social circle. When I am in situations in which most of the people involved are looking to make friends, I do fine and can develop friendships without a problem, but if the need isn't mutual I find myself becoming very intimidated and nervous. For example, starting college I made fast friends with the other freshmen in my dorm, and while I value and maintain those friendships, I have not made any close friends since then (made harder by the fact that those freshman friends made their own circles after we stopped living together, which meant that while I still had them as friends, I felt like an outsider when spending time with them). My situation now is that I am still living in the city where I went to college, with my boyfriend who is very busy and rarely at home, and the friends that I had here have graduated and left. I work at a job where I like and get along well with my coworkers, and they all see each other socially outside of work, and as hard as I try (or at least as hard as I believe I am trying), I can't seem to get myself included. This is a great source of frustration and depression for me, because I feel like I am a nice person, easy to talk to, fun to be around, etc., so what am I doing wrong?! Is there a secret to making friends that I have never discovered? Is it possible that I am emitting some sort of "I may seem like I want to be your friend but I don't really want to hang out with you" vibe? Help! -Lonely Dear Lonely, I think it's hard for most people to make friends in new situations. Very often in the workplace as in college, there are cliques of people who may be friendly and nice to you, but won't let you into their "inner circle." Contrary to popular belief, most people don't have a lot of friends. I don't know if your particular problem with making friends is due to a vibe you are giving off or something else that turns people off. If this really bothers you, you might want to consider going into therapy to explore this further. Once people leave college, it is very hard to find places to meet people other than the workplace. My suggestion is to look into organizations you might be interested in. Political organizations, church groups and charitable organizations are all good places to meet people. A former patient of mine met her future husband after joining a local Audubon society. If you have any special interest, there is probably an organization in your area that has people with the same interest. See if you can find your nitch Lonely. Good luck and write to me again. happy(stilllookingtofindanitch)shrink
Dear Happy, Some more JeWisdom ... Quitters NEVER win and winners NEVER quit. But those who NEVER win and NEVER quit are IDIOTS!! JeWitch Dear JeWitch, They are either idiots or Chicago Cub fans. happy(didImentionBostonRedsoxfans)shrink
Date: November 13, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, I was married 38 years and my wife died. I remarried in about 3 months. We were very happy for about three months, then she began to accuse me of infidelity and I finally determined through professional help that she has a chemical imbalance that causes her mental process. I cannot get her to take medication even though at least two doctors have prescribed it. My question is how can I convince her she needs help and how can I get her to take the medication? CJ Dear CJ, If she has been suffering from this condition for a long time and she has a history of refusing medication, there isn't much you can do to convince her. The more you try, the more her paranoid ideations might push you further away. Other than recommending marriage counseling, there isn't much else I can suggest. I was struck by the fact that after being married for 38 years you remarried so quickly afterwards. I can understand your sense of loss as well as your need for companionship, but perhaps it was a bit hasty. If your new wife is willing to see a marriage counselor with you, this may help the two of you cope with your situation. If not, you may have to reconsider your relationship. Good luck and please feel free to respond. happy(youcanleadahorsetowater)shrink
Dear Happy, Great news! Walmart wants me back for the Christmas season. I think they want me to work in the stock room though. If you remember they had some problems with me telling those screaming little brats to shut up or I would stick a candy cane where the sun don't shine. I'm not sure if the management was worried about customer relations or that I was using up all the candy canes. Edna Dear Edna, They were worried about the candy canes. Enjoy your work in the stock room and please don't try on all the pantyhose. happy(takingstockofwhatImdoingonthewebpage)shrink
Date: November 12, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, I have been taking lithium carbonate for about 12 years for bipolar disorder. I don't have a lot of side effects other than not sleeping very well most of the time but I'm very tired of taking this pill. I would like to try to not be on this pill and just see what happens. Nothing really bad has happened and I haven't gotten manic for many years. I am worried that taking this pill will have a bad affect on me when I become old. I would like to know what you think about me not taking lithium any more. No Pillz Dear No Pillz, Most likely, you have not gotten manic for many years because you have been consistently taking your medication. I would strongly caution you not to go off your medication unless it is supervised and sanctioned by you psychiatrist. There are some alternatives to Lithium. The most popular alternative to Lithium these days is Depakote, however there are side effects from this medication as well. Your psychiatrist can best determine which medication is right for you. I would suggest you talk to your psychiatrist about your concerns. If you wish, you may seek a second opinion if you feel your psychiatrist is not being responsive to your needs. The important thing here is that you remain stable so you can live your life free mania or severe depression. Good luck no Pillz, let me know what your psychiatrist says.
Dear Happy, Bubba's cousin Marmaduke has a cesspool business and he's very patriotic like all of us down here in Florida. Thought you might like to see what he's got written on his truck. Edna
Dear Edna, Didn't realize Bubba had relatives with such high social standing in the community. Wish cousin Marmaduke a happy Veterans Day. happy(hastakenenoughsh**foroneday)shrink
Date: November 11, 2001
Dear Dr. Happyshrink, I have a problem with my sweat glands. For some reason I always sweat profusely regardless of the weather (hot, cold, humid, etc.). It increases tremendously when I am embarrassed or self-conscious. My body temperature is also very high overall. I am 21 years old, about 155 lbs, 5'7". Any suggestions or insight? Thank you. L Dear L, I would suggest that you first see your family physician and determine if there is any medical reason for you to run a high body temperature and perspire so much. Some people do have a predisposition to perspiring more than others. There may be medical or nutritional strategies for reducing it's severity. It is not unusual for someone who is anxious to have their heart beat and respiration rate increase during these times. This physical change will cause individuals to perspire just as if they were running or doing physical labor. If you feel that your level of anxiety is high a good part of the time, then you might want to speak to a counselor or therapist to determine what you may be anxious about. Here again, there are different strategies for lowering anxiety and this may also be helpful to you. Let me know how things work out L. Good luck happy(willingtoendureperspirationsforalittlebitofinspiration)shrink
Dear HS- It has now been over a year since I contacted you- and then only a couple of times. But your help was tremendous. I was living in Turkey, totally harassed every day, full of anxiety and miserable, but still wanting to do more traveling. You recommended that I return to the USA for a while or at least got to a country better suited for me. Thank you so much for your help! I am very satisfied, content and happy- I'm thrilled to be back in the USA and feel so relieved. Corresponding with you online helped me tremendously. Thanks Again, Free in Berkeley, CA Dear Free in Berkeley CA, You are more than welcome. I was actually thinking about you after the events of September 11th. I thought that this was not a great time for you to be in that part of the world. I'm glad you are back in the USA. It is nice to be "Free." Other nations should try it. happy(freeinNYandNJ)shrink
Dear Happy, Well, Ben Dover dun dun it this time. He had all these here plans ta get a new car from insurance if he pushed his blowed up car into Lake Eola. Well, they bin seerchin' the lake all day an' kaint find that there car. They got a theory that the lake got polluted an' desolved it, or the car got grabbed by a alian (that be Edna's theory) or got sucked into a sink hole to the bottom of the lake an' it be headed to the Atlantic Ocean right now. Anyways the insurance won't pay narry a dime cuzzin' their theory is Ben sold the car while he was drunk an' don't remember who he sold it to. So Ben asked me to ask you if ya had an xtra car ya didn't need right now. He don't got no money, but he could help you in your office for a spell. Gind Rinker Dear Gind, I don't have no... I mean I don't have any spare car I can give Ben. As far as his working in my office, last time he was there he stole all the Kleenex and hard candy that I keep out in the waiting room. Telling my patients to just buy a six pack and "git over it" wasn't very helpful either. Please keep him as far away from my office as possible. happy(gettingasfarawayasIcanuntiltomorrow)shrink
Date: November 10, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, Ok, I have a question. I'm not sure if you would know the answer but I'll ask any way. Please tell me if this is sexual abuse. I'm a teen, I have a boyfriend and we have had sex before. One day he came over and I wasn't in the mood to do anything at that moment but I still wanted to in the future. He told me if I didn't have sex with him he never would have sex with me again. So I felt I couldn't say no to him. So, is that sexual abuse. Please reply, I'm really curious, I need to know....... thanks SA Dear SA, This is a very interesting question and one that I spent quite a bit of time thinking about. Clearly, it is not sexual abuse from a legal view of how sexual abuse is defined. Your boyfriend could not be prosecuted for a crime by threatening to never have sex with you again. But there are other things that one must consider when looking at any form of abuse. The issue here between you and your boyfriend is one of power and control. If he can exert power over you to the point where he can psychologically force you to have sex with him, that is clearly abuse. It may not be sexual abuse right now but it is still abuse of power and it can lead to sexual abuse if this becomes a means of controlling your behavior on a frequent basis. If your boyfriend continues to make these threats and you feel the need to do what he says, this is clearly a very unhealthy situation and I would really think about getting out of it. If he can make you have sex with him, he can make you do other things as well. This behavior should serve as a red flag that there is the potential for more serious acts and that can take the form of sexual, physical and mental abuse. I would be interested to hear your thoughts as well as the thoughts of other Ask Happyshrink readers on this issue. Please let me know what you think. happy(onlythingsomepeopleshouldbemadetodoistakeabath)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, After cleaning the TV trays after dinner, I started looking through the paper and couldn't believe some of the stories! I only have time to list a few because Gilbert will be wanting me to make him a fudge dumpling over ice cream for dessert and then I have to head over to JeWitch's kitchen window to spy, um, see how well she has things winterized - they say it'll get down into the low 70's tonight and I want to make sure that she's prepared. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Teachers Strike Idle Kids
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Mildred Thigpen
Dear Mildred,
It's comforting to know that the news down south is about as interesting as the news up north. Got any of them fudge dumplings left over?
happy(enoughwiththewebpage,let'seat)shrink
Date: November 9, 2001
Hello Happyshrink, My name is Penny and I am 15 years old. I'm just going to get straight to the point. I feel like I have to be one person for my friends, one for my family, one for people I meet at random, and so on. I'm not sure which one of these people is the 'real' me. For instance, the person I think I am is very shy and insecure, but how do I know if that is right? Please help me. Thanks so much, Penny Dear Penny I would worry about you more if you didn't feel the way you do. Shyness is a very significant part of being sensitive and thoughtful. It is a strength and not a weakness. Usually, we are not shy around our family because we know them so well and experience unconditional love from them. We are also pretty comfortable with close friends for similar reasons. I don't know too many teenagers that don't act differently in front of their families and in front of their friends. That's pretty normal. So all these people are the real you Penny. The shy person is one that is becoming a young woman and is unsure about how to act in front of people. She might also be a little scared about the future. This is the most special part of the real you. It's ok to be shy and even scared. If you weren't at this stage of your life you would be just a superficial and foolish dope. I met a few of those when I was your age Penny and some of them are still dopes. Over the next few years, that shy and insecure person will begin to take some risks. Some will work out well and others won't. All of these experiences will shape the person you are in the process of becoming. You may always feel shy in new situations and that's really OK. Don't run away from it; embrace it. Good luck and please feel free to write me again. happy(stillshyafteralltheseyears)shrink
Dear Happy, Just got finished reading this news item in the local newspaper. Thought you might be interested. JeWitch
ORLANDO,
FL-- A father of two threatened immediate home-returning sanctions on
his two warring sons Wednesday, unless a permanent peace agreement
between the neighboring entities is established, according to a family
source.
Bubba Cleamont, 39, of Orlando, warned both that he would turn this car around and drive right back home, in an effort to block the escalating political tensions from any further damage, said mother Edna Hoppenstetter. "He told them to shut the hell up already or they would be sorry," said Ms. Hoppenstetter. The incident occurred on an early morning road trip to Disney World, after one son Andie, 5, attempted to rest his hand on neighboring son's, Rusty, 3, established seating territory within the family's green Pinto. Although no one was hurt in the initial invasion, the act provoked an angry response from Rusty, whose constituents demanded an immediate removal of the hand though any means necessary, including but not limited to biting, kicking and hitting. Bubba Cleamont, an unemployed sanitation worker, increased the pressure on both parties to establish a peace agreement by warning both that he "has had enough of all this goddamn yelling and needs a little peace and quiet for just one frigging minute so [he] can check the road map without distraction." Rusty and Andie apparently did not heed the advice as political tensions mounted and fighting continued. Cleamont stopped the vehicle at a rest stop, spoke before the family, in both a last ditch effort for peace and a chance for Edna to relieve herself. "Why can't I leave you two goddamn kids next to each other for one minute without you getting into a fight?" he began. "If I have to tell you kids to shut up one last time, I'm going to turn this car around and drive right back home. And there's going to be no TV, no Nintendo, no nothing. "Don't test me really, because I'm dead serious," he concluded. Tensions did briefly subside after the speech, but reemerged two minutes later when Andie "accidentally" kept smacking Rusty's leg with his Superstretch® Batman figurine. Rusty voted to resume counter-attacks on Andie and fighting returned to its pre-diplomatically negotiated state. Having no choice, but to take immediate action, Cleamont exited the expressway at Exit 4S, turned the family car around and pretended to head home. He later relented and drove to Disney, after learning that the sound of crying is infinitely more annoying than the sound of fighting, said the source. Dear JeWitch, Rumor has it that Bubba and Edna left the kids at Disney World and they are the new Tweedledee and Tweedledum. happy(Toodaloo)shrink
Date: November 8, 2001
Hello Happyshrink, How are you? My boyfriend, was living still with his so called roommate, friend, who were just business partners, when I met him. Three years ago told me that he slept with her on night and now she was 4 months pregnant. This killed me, ever since then I have been in a state of depression and unhappiness. I am still with him it has been three years since this happened and I am still depressed, cry all the time. He is moving out in a couple of weeks, I thought this would help me feel better about the situation, although I am not. I don't know what else to do. He says that I am ridiculous to still feel this sad and he can not keep on going through this we me anymore. Please help! Thank you, Marie Dear Marie, While your boyfriend's infidelity took place 3 years ago. He has continued to live with this "other" woman and maintains a business relationship with her. Did she have the baby? If she did, he is also the father of her child. If you are being ridiculous, it is only because you have put up with this situation for 3 years. The fact that he's moving out in a couple of weeks may improve things somewhat but if he still works with her and is involved in raising her child, she will continue to be a part of his life and also a part of your relationship. Only you can decide what to do about your situation. I am sure that there are other factors that you haven't shared with me and there is never an easy answer when it comes to relationships. I would strongly suggest you see a therapist or counselor to help you deal with your feelings and decide what you need to do. Things won't get better for you until you resolve these issues in your own mind Marie. Get the help you need and please let me know how things are going. Feel free to write me again. happy(two'scompanythree'sacrowd)shrink
Dear Happy, Well Edna's oldest boy, Ezra, done falled in love. He brung his betrothed by t0 intraduce her to me an' The Earl. Ya wouldn't believe it, but she looked exactly like That slut Edna. She be from the Bronx in New York. She comed down to visit Disney World. She realy filled out a pair of spandex capri pants an' a leopard shirt an' she even gots blond hare like Edna. It must be true bout a person who looks for a person like their parent. But what I'm writting bout is, Becky Seetluv, that be her name, flew back to Bronx to make plans ffr the weddin' up there. Well, Ezra has gots some issues bout going to New York. First off, he can't talk their language. Second he be afraid of flyin' even if he could fit into them their little seats. Third, he be afraid o' takking the bus cuz' sombody might decide to cut a driver's throat. Forth, none o' the trailer park trucks can make it that far. Sixth, the anthrax train got some kind of virus. So we was hoping you being from New York an' being the smartest guy we knowed, could come up with a idea how we could get this boy to his weddin' or should he just forget it. Gind Rinker Dear Gind, He should just forget it. Some relationships are just not meant to be. Ezra would be miserable in the Bronx. First, he would have to put up with all those Yankees. Second, I don't think there's a place to get grits. Third, the only hushpuppies in the Bronx are those awful one's at the Sizzler Steak House. Forth, sixpacks cost at least a buck ninetynine. Fifth, while he might like the zoo at first, he's has to be careful because the people who run it don't take too kindly to "roadkill" if you know what I mean. Maybe he should find a nice girl from his own home town. Besides, you never know what kind of offspring you get when the person you mate with is not a relative. happy(keepitinthefamily)shrink
Date: November 7, 2001
Hello, I'm a medical student in CA and wish to know if there are any specific psychiatric resources that doctors or other health care professionals who have psychiatric problems can have access to (i.e. specific resources for health care providers like group counseling, substance dependence, support groups). Any advice or leads is greatly appreciated. LH Dear LH, Almost all hospitals in the US have Employee Assistance Programs (EAP's) for health care staff. Of all health care professionals though, doctors are least likely to seek help from this or any other source of mental health services. Many doctors develop serious problems as a result of denying they have a problem or even self medicating. Doctors are consistently ranked in the top 5 professions for the percentage of alcoholism occurring among it's membership. If you know a doctor who is suffering from an emotional or substance abuse problem (or both), I would urge that individual to seek help and not try to self medicate. No one is immune to personal problems and doctors are no exception. As far as other resources available to doctors, I suggest you contact the AMA. There might be programs that they are involved with. Good luck with your search and please feel free to write me again. happy(notafraidtoaskforhelpandbygollyIneeditsometimes)shrink
Dear Happy I was devastated to find out that one of my best friends who I worked with as a child was actually related to Osama Bin Laden. Buckwheat was such a gentle and loving soul. How could this have happened?
Darla Dear Darla, Clearly "Binwheat" is a mutation and in no way like his cute and cuddly cousin Buck. There is a history of mutation in Buckwheat's family. Rumor has it that Don King was Buckwheat's illegitimate son. Just try and remember Buckwheat as the beautiful person he was not the offspring he begat. happy(OTAY)shrink
Date: November 6, 2001
Dear HappyShrink, This is a fun website as I'm looking for humor right now. Question: What diseases or conditions cause memory loss? I'm 60 and under much stress at work & church, but the memory loss is increasing! It's almost like the faster life moves/changes, the longer it takes me to remember simple things. Today I considered asking my Dr. to test me for Alzheimer's Disease. 'Nothing like that in my biological family. Just the usual alcoholism and mental health problems that go back hundreds of years (manic depression and schizophrenia). I've invested eleven years in a variety of 12 step meetings (codependency) and created a real life. I forgave my Mother, reunited with my brother and sisters. Found a healthy relationship. It's all amazing in that it works if you work it! I will have a poem for your website because I write therapeutic poems for my recovery, and this has helped me tremendously. When I began to deal with a challenging emotional issue -- I write it as a poem first. Narrative writing and talking are next. Thanks for providing humor. I hope you can answer my question... Sincerely, Bountiful Barbara Dear Bountiful Barbara, First, I would like to thank you for your kind words and I will be happy to post a poem you write for my website. Memory loss could have a psychological or a medical reason. Stress can make someone forgetful, disoriented and confused about relatively simple things. This can happen at any age but it may get more pronounced as you age. As one gets older, one's ability to concentrate can sometimes deteriorate. I used to be able to read for hours at a time. I can no longer do that and find myself much more distractible. This is not necessarily a physical deterioration of one's brain but just a part of one's developmental process. By being aware of this and making a conscious effort to focus better, I find that I can overcome this difficulty. People who suffer from Alzheimer's Disease or any form of organic brain dysfunction, have much greater difficulty compensating for forgetfulness, distractibility and confusion. It might be a good idea to see your physician and describe in detail your symptoms. Your doctor may be able to prescribe some medication to help you as well as advise you about dietary supplements and make nutritional recommendations. It sounds to me that a lot has gone on in your life over the years. While things have come together nicely for you, the stress and demands of everyday life still remain a challenge. I guess that's true for everyone and we all have ways of coping. Perhaps forgetfulness is one way. Sometimes forgetting can be a good thing, but it's hard for the mind to choose what parts of your life you remember and what parts to forget. Just something to think about. Please feel free to write again. I look forward to receiving your poem. happy(hadanotherpointtomakebutforgotwhatitwas)shrink
Dear Happy, While we was sittin' by Lake Eola watching the police look for Ben Dover's car, I got into a discussion with a Democrat. There is a lot o' Democrats there in that precinct. He was a cutting George W an' his brotha Jeb (are Florida guvernor) up an' down for takin' all the money out of the treasuries of Florida and Washington an' givin' it to his buddies. Well, I told him right off, I was a buddy of George W and he ain't give me no money. He said, "What you talkin' bout?" I told him bout when Thelma an' me was 6, we was in his 1st grade class in Alabama an' we was friends. He said to me, "You is lying." I sayd, "ain't so." He being 14 went AWOL from 1st grade in Texas and came to Alabama. We called him Georgie then. Well, right after are teacher got her new convertible Cadillac, she put him in high school. But we was tight friends till then. He let me beat him in flash cards every day. An' I love him ever since. Gind Rinker Dear Gind, That wasn't the President. That was George Wallace and even Edna's kids could have beat him at flash cards. happy(withabanjoonmyknee)shrink
Date: November 5, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, I have a roommate who has the very annoying habit of inhaling air or swallowing it or something and then belching. He does this with sickening regularity and I've talked with him about it, but it seems like he can't stop doing it. I have had dates leave because of this, have been very embarrassed when we have gone out together. Does he have a condition or something? Is there a medical reason for this? I really am at my wits end and don't know if I can handle this any more. Doug Dear Doug, There are symptoms of anxiety disorders that can involve swallowing air. It can also be just a bad habit that's hard to break. There can also be medical conditions that can promote belching as well. Frankly though, the cause of your roommates problem is not the issue. How it impacts on you is the issue. If this really bothers you and impacts on your social life, you may just need to find a new roommate situation. Before taking that step, speak to you roommate again and let him know that you are prepared to do this. If he is still unable to curb this behavior, then your option is to live with it or leave. The ball is in your court Doug. Good luck and let me know what happens. happy(knowswhatitsliketolivewithgas)shrink
Dear Happy, Edna went to the police station with me to report her boyfriend Bubba was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, had dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children." I protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4 inches, weighs 270 lbs, is bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children." Edna replied, "Yeah, but who wants HIM back?" Sheesh! JeWitch Dear JeWitch, She does have a point. happy(don'twanthimbackeither)shrink
Date: November 4, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, My husband and I are going on 3 years of marriage, were engaged 3 years and have been friends 10-25 years. He is the greatest guy in the world. There is not many days go by that people tell me how fortunate I am to be with him. He was 56 years old and a "confirmed bachelor" when we married. He says he is an introvert, which I believe is true but I also know that he is suffering some way mentally. He will be completely normal at work but when we are home, most times he is to himself, really not responding to chit chat and has a definite routine - time to go to bed, etc; which to him is a "has to". He has routines for everything, getting ready in the morning, what time he leaves for work - always the same. None of this really bothers me because I knew that when I married him. The 3 years we were engaged I never went to his apartment. I believe his apartment was his haven from everybody and everything; his answering machine would always answer his phone, never answered his door, etc. He says he has to make himself be normal at work and when he is home, he prefers to be introverted. The problem with this is, any visitors to our house is very upsetting. I have never been real social but I do have 2 grandsons that live close by and come by. Most times he will not acknowledge them or my daughter. My daughter understands because I have discussed it enough with her that "she doesn't take offense" but the boys don't understand. I can see them looking at him at expecting him to acknowledge them. One of them is a baby so I have tried asking his assistance by holding the baby while I do other things, etc. He will do it but not without prodding. But it is not just kids, my sister and mother come to visit - 1 or 2 times a year and he really is uncomfortable so I try to take them places. What I am concerned about is that he shows signs of depression - not sleeping, having trouble eating, feeling hopeless, like I wish I could just crawl in a whole in the ground" ( I have offered to make him one - just jokingly") I really feel like he could be helped but he will not tell our family physician and doesn't want me to accompany him so I can tell him. He has been in the military for 36 years and I'm not sure if he is afraid it will make him look weak or if he has been that way all of his life and he doesn't understand it to be a problem. It has affected our sex life. It is very hard to feel loving when you have felt like someone was upset with you and your feelings get hurt. He has asked me about our sex life and that is what I told him. We really have a great life. We travel a lot. We don't have anything to worry us like other people I know. I just don't see any reason for worry so I can't understand why he feels so bad, so often. I am a happy, touchy feely kind of person who doesn't meet a stranger. I feel guilty though when he seems to be so sad and I don't know how to help him. Can you tell me where to start? DM Dear DM, I believe there are two issue operating here. The first one is the fact that he has lived by himself to over 30 years of his adult life. When you spend so much of your time alone, it is very hard to adjust to being around people so often. It may not seem that frequent to you but it is to him. Even you become somewhat of an intruder as he now has to share his "haven." If this were the only issue, I would suspect that over time he would become more social and connect with members of your family. But there is the other issue which is his depression. Yes, I agree he has probably suffered from depression for a long time and it may be very hard for him to acknowledge this let alone seek help. Often people who suffer from depression become resigned to their condition and don't really believe that they can be helped. They say things like, "This is the way I am; take it or leave it." That basically sounds like the agreement you have now with your husband. I find it odd that you describe yourself as having a great life and yet you live with hurt feelings and an unresponsive partner. Maybe the place to start is to ask yourself what your husband's depression is doing to you. Your husband can't be helped if he is unwilling to talk about it or see someone. You can't seek help for him but you can seek help for yourself. I suggest you talk to a therapist or counselor about what is going on and what you can do about it for yourself. Please feel free to respond and write me again. Good luck.
Dear Happyshrink, Regarding stupid Edna's letter about wanting to tan in her new bikini and calling into work with Anthrax .. etc etc .. Well, the weather turned out to be BRIGHT and SUNNY .. great pool weather. ALSO ....Remember how she used her new camera to take a picture while I was driving her car .. made it seem that I was going a WEE BIT FAST ??? Well this will teach her a lesson. NEVER TAKE A PICTURE OF ME WITHOUT MY PERMISSION .. I borrowed her camera while she was out side sunning herself in her new thong .. HERE IT IS: Love ya .. JeWitch
Dear JeWitch, Nice Ass! happy(shameshameonyou)shrink
Date: November 3, 2001
Dear Happy, I'm 14 years old and a freshman in a NJ High School. I have been going out with a boy named T for almost 2 months. I really like him and I know he really likes me. He is in this band. They've gotten pretty famous and they are very good. All of my life, I have wanted to be famous. T knows this but he said if I was in the band, we might have problems with our relationship. But even though I'm still not famous or anywhere near it, going out with T makes me feel like I'm somebody. But today, I heard news that Band might be breaking up due to some personal conflicts between the members. T said that when the Band breaks up, he won't start another band because it would take too long to become as famous as his current band is. Originally, T said he was in the band for fun, but now I think this is changing. The breaking up of the might completely screw up our relationship. I really don't want this to happen. Do you think you could give me some advice as to what I should do. Is it possible I could keep the band together? If not, do you think I could get T to start a different band with me in it? A***** Dear A*****, If your boyfriend's band meant a lot to him and it is now breaking up, he's probably going through a tough time.. This is a big loss for him and now is not the time for him to be thinking of starting a new band. Give T time to get over the loss of his old band. I would bet that he will start a new band in the future. As far as you becoming a member of the band, T is right that it complicates your relationship. It's hard to be partner's in work and play. One does impact on the other. That doesn't mean its not possible but it is more difficult A*****. It seems to me that you need to decide what's really important to you in this relationship. I can't make that decision for you but if you want to talk more about it, please feel free to write again. Good luck A***** happy(stilldecidingonwhat'sreallyimportant)shrink
Methos responds to SAD's letter: I will not pretend to know the sadness and loss you're family and others have suffered since Sept 11th. I think sometimes people get caught up in their own grief that they forget that their whole family is suffering as well. Your husband is bombarded with funeral after funeral, daily reminders of friends lost, and somewhere in the back of his mind I would suspect that he wonders why he is still alive and so many others gone. It could be that he feels guilty for being alive, and
being around the family reminds him that he still has a life to live.
So that kind of leaves you Sad, left to struggle with the your own
feelings, the children, and wanting so much to help him as well. I have a
cousin who's husband lost himself in volunteer firefighting, after the
birth of his first daughter. His daughter was born severely
retarded, he didn't want to deal with it, I guess as a father or man, he
believed he should be able to fix anything, or protect anyone. Because
he couldn't help his daughter, he submerged himself in helping others,
strangers, and left his wife to deal with all the hardships of raising a
very needy child along with the other two, and also her feelings of
abandonment. The children are grown now, the one daughter still
lives at home. My cousin lost a lot of weight, started a job, and occupies
her time with things for herself and her grown family. Her husband, still
volunteers for the fire dept. Dear Methos, I appreciate your letter to SAD and sharing some experiences that your cousin went through. A lot of what you said may be true, however there are a few things I feel compelled to clarify. First, keep in mind that SAD first wrote me before the WTC terrorist attack and her husband had been distancing himself from the family for a long time. Secondly, SAD also raised the fact that her husband, when he does spend time at home has been verbally abusive to her as well as the children. When it comes to abuse, you don't try to analyze it. Abuse is wrong. No excuses accepted. While we both can empathize with her husband's grief and other emotions, it will never justify the mistreatment of others. All too often, victims of abuse go through a process where they think that if they can understand their abuser better, they can prevent the abuse from happening. It doesn't work. I hope SAD is able to find a better way out of this than your cousin did. I'm sure your hopes are the same. happy(andalwayshopeful)shrink
Dear Happy, Orlando had a Halloween celebration at Lake Eola. Harley weren't scared at all. She luv'd beein' with the other kids. I let her suck onna sucker. So the nex mornin' I took Harley back ta the lake ta work off a little o' the candy. (Did you git lotsa candy?) There sittin' on a bench, lookin' forlornd, were Ben Dover from lot 22. I sayd, "whatsdamadder?" He said, "That damn car ran outta oil while I were at the What Not an' the engine blew up on the way back to the park. I kicked the door and then the lights out." "But that hurt and didn't do no good and I got ta thinkin'. That car be insured an' I decided to push it inta Lake Eola an claim I lost control on some oil." Then I kin git another car with the insurance." I took him back to the Park with us, but I was thinkin, he be the only park member that have insurance, cept maybe Mary. Do you have insurance? I didn't even no you could get a new car like that. We gets are trucks at the Buy Here Pay Here. Gind Rinker Dear Gind, Yes, I do have Insurance but not nearly enough. I think I just might need to buy some more. happy(keepingawayfromtheWhatNotandLakeEola)shrink
Date: November 2, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, My shrink attributes so much of my depression/borderline-borderline/victim's life view to low self-esteem. I find this very frustrating! Telling me to improve my self esteem is like me telling one of the diabetic ladies at the Home to start producing insulin, or maybe telling my 300 lb+ client with the Above-the-Knee-Amputation that he'd feel better if he just got out of bed and walked around the building a few times each day! If I knew how to develop a positive self-esteem I would have one. I threw out the sociopath boyfriend, and I guess that was supposed to make me feel better about myself. Mostly I feel overwhelmed by doing all of this living/working/kid-taxi/homework-police stuff by myself, and I wish there was someone I could talk to at 3 AM when I can't sleep. Plus, an occasional hug would be nice. I can't call my shrink at 3 AM because I need him to continue working with me. Arrrggh! Judi(Oneisthelonliestnumberthatyou'lleverdo...)blueye PS pardon me for feeling sorry for myself...Hey, pass the kleenex, would ya? Dear Judi, Getting rid of the sociopath wasn't for the purpose of feeling good about yourself. It was to prevent you from having him screw up your life the way he screwed up his own. Living without a partner while having all the responsibilities of a working mother is always going to be difficult. No, your life isn't a bed of roses and I wish you did have someone in your life that wasn't a sociopath. Self esteem isn't easy to come by either but it's not quite as difficult as growing a new leg. It starts by recognizing that with all the depression/borderline/victim baggage you carry with you, you are still doing a great job in your work as well as your parenting (not to mention what a really funny lady you are). It may not always feel that way but somewhere you must know that it's true. I wish I had an answer for finding someone to talk to at 3am when you can't sleep Judi. I don't. In the meantime, you can always email me and get a response in about three to five days. happy(prefersPuffstoKleenex)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Sad news I don't usually pass on sad news like this, but sometimes we need to pause and remember what life is all about. There was a great loss recently in the entertainment world.. Larry LaPrise, the Detroit native who wrote the song "Hokey Pokey" died last week at 83. It was especially difficult for the family to keep him in the casket. They'd put his left leg in..... well, you know the rest. JeWitch Dear JeWitch, So that's what it's all about! happy(enoughhokeypokeyforoneday)shrink
Date: November 1, 2001
Hello Happyshrink, How are you? I am writing because I am starting a new position in the mental health agency that I have worked in for about 2 years, I am a case manager, I was offered a position that entails conducting group therapy sessions in a crisis residential unit. Unfortunately, I don't have the experience, I don't know what to do, what format if any to follow, where I can get information of topics to discuss, HELP!!!!!!!! I was given the position because my boss stated she knows I will not have a problem conducting group. I wish I had her confidence in this. Thank you! Alicia Dear Alicia, I am assuming that the type of group you are supposed to lead is a support group. If your boss is expecting you to conduct group therapy without any training she is doing a disservice to your clients as well as you. Conducting a support group though involves giving people the opportunity to express their feelings and enabling them to share ideas with each other. Your roll is more of a gate keeper that helps people to stay on the topic and enables them to speak as well as listen. As a case manager you had to be empathetic to feelings as well as deal with concrete problems. You can do the same thing with a group. I would strongly suggest that you have your boss sign you up for group work training as well as arrange for special supervision. Make sure your agency is providing you with tools you need to succeed Alicia. Good luck and let me know how the group progresses. happy(holdshisowngrouponTuesdaysat8:30pmESTonIRCchat)shrink
Dear Happy, My Earl had to stop by the What Not Friday after work with Bubba an' Dui an' Snake ta cash their paychecks. The What Not got a brand spankin' new Lotto machine. You got Lotto up North? People win a million dollars. You ever won a million dollars? Reason cuz I'm askin is cuz My Earl got 4 numbers right. He won $97. None of the trailer park ever won nothin' before. I ain't never seed a winner before so I was not expectin' what happened. My Earl said everybody gotsta call him "THE Earl". Even me! But my question is , "Who is Donald Trump". Is he in the National Wrasseling Federashun or the WWF? Gind Rinker Dear Gind, Donald Trump is the owner of the National Wrasseling Federation. He inherited it from his father and made it bigger and better than ever. Now that your Earl.... I mean "The Earl" is almost a hundredaire, he can leave his fortune to Harley unless he, Bubba Snake and DUI have already drunk up the profits. happy(don'tgetmestartedonVinceMcMahon)shrink Back to "Ask Happyshrink" Home Page Back to most current postings
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