Postings from September 16-30, 2001
Date: September 30, 2001
Hello Happyshrink, My name's J** and I live in London, England. I've trawling through the web in search of information on 'polymorphic psychosis' and found your site on Yahoo. Basically the situation is my now ex-boyfriend is in a terrible emotional state and it would seem apparently he has bouts of depression from time to time. Recently we split after he was relentlessly in pursuit of me and adored me from afar for many years. Inexplicably he finished things because he felt he was having a 'spin out'. Something which afflicts him from time to time, but of which I had no knowledge of. In the past he has been diagnosed with "polymorphic psychosis" but he stopped seeing the doctors. This week, off his own back he went back to "the shrink" as he put it...the diagnosis made him go off on a wild drinking bend and he will not take the tablets, Mellaril and was freaked by the fact that he was diagnosed with a split personality disorder. He will not go back for further tests, refuses point blank to discuss this with his friends, his family is severely dysfunctional and he has cut me off as the one and only person whom he listens to. What I would like to know is....am I dealing here with schizophrenia? His childhood was marked by sexual abuse from a brother and adult neighbour...from the age of 9 he has had a history of drug abuse. His consumption nowadays consists of regular use of cannabis and cocaine but on the surfaces does not display 'junkie-like' behaviour. He is the sweetest person on this planet, he is not violent, doesn't hear voices, has been constantly bullied but he can't even begin to think of him self. Up until now he has never displayed any dysfunctional behaviour, other than his dependent personality for cannabis as a social drug. Should I try and encourage him to take the tablets, go see some one else, I don't know. There's little I can do at the moment but I would like to understand this condition first before approaching him about it...he tends to shut it all off and has become very withdrawn. Thank you so much if you read this and reply...I appreciate that at this time in the States you are inundated with grief, the thoughts of Britain are with you all too and we wish you all the best, With Regards J** Dear J**, From your description, your boyfriend may have a number of psychiatric problems. It is not uncommon for victims of childhood abuse to suffer from personality disorders, dissociative states (which can included multiple personalities) and other psychiatric symptoms. Polymorphic psychosis is term that is more commonly used in Europe than the US. It is an undifferentiated psychotic disorder that could included delusions, hallucinations, odd behavior, mood swings, etc. Symptoms may change and this condition may be acute or chronic. I would urge your friend to continue treatment. His condition is a very serious one. While there isn't a quick fix cure, he can get help and reduce his symptoms. Both medication and psychotherapy would be helpful. There are specialists that deal with dissociative and personality disorders and he should find someone with this specialty. Needless to say his substance abuse just increases his problems and will prevent anyone from helping him unless he gives it up. On a final note J**, you need to keep in mind that you can only urge him to get the help he needs. You can not rescue him. There are people who can help him but he must be willing to help himself first. If he's not, you need to think about getting on with your own life and not letting his self destructive behavior bring you down as well. Good luck J** and please feel free to write again. happy(canrescueanyoneeither)shrink
Dear Happy, Here is a little JeWisdom: If you want to know more about "paranoid people" just follow them around. And to all the "paranoid people" out there... Just because you can't see them, it doesn't mean they are not watching ... You're welcome ... JeWitch Dear JeWitch, I'm always watching. Don't mention it......happy(Iwonderwhatshemeantbythat?)shrink
Date: September 29, 2001
Dear Happy, My son is home and doing well. Have been having a time with my parents. They finally realize that my son had/has a problem. He was only staying at their house for a short time and then when we got him all stabilized, he was coming home! My dad is really coming around. My mom is another story, stormed out of group and is now saying how all people in the profession are nuts and don't know anything. She says she is leaving. She has been saying that forever. We will see what happens. I am listing my home with Help U Sell on Monday, try to push it!! I want so bad to go the same time hubby goes. I do have a friend here, She and her family are also moving to where we are going. That will be nice. What can you tell me about Vistaril? Do you know if it has ever causes hallucinations in anyone? My son's psychiatrist gave it to him, he will not take it. Said he had it in the hospital. Is it in the same family as Xanax? It is supposed to be an anxiety pill. ocdnet(gladtohavemysonhome)angel
Vistaril is an antihistamine that is most commonly used for relief of allergy symptoms such as rash, itching, sneezing, watery eyes, runny nose, etc. It is also used to curb anxiety or as a sleep aid. It causes drowsiness in most people and can have other side effects like dry mouth, blurry vision, nausea and loss of appetite, headache and dizziness. While hallucinations are not indicated among common side effects, it is a possibility given your son's psychiatric history. I would speak to your son's psychiatrist about his refusal to take the medication, but it's probably not as critical as the other meds he's taking and it might not be a battle worth engaging him in. As far as your mom leaving is concerned, tell her what my mom told me when I threatened to run away. Offer to pack her sandwiches. That will convince her once and for all that you are all nuts and maybe she will run away. That may be better for everyone concerned. My guess is that she will stay and continue to try and make you all miserable. Hopefully, you won't let her do that to you anymore. Good luck with the sale of your house and please let me know how it goes. happy(packingsandwichesaswespeak)shrink
Dear Happy, Come Sunday, Reverend Al says he's gonna pick the kid's in the trailer park up fer Sunday School. He axed me ta help wit the School. Kin you imagine me beein' a teacher. It bring ta mind when I went ta school. We was a little poor and my shoes didn't fit, so Momma cut the back out and all the kids wanted klomp shoes like mine. Cousin Thelma had the same kinda shoes. We had hand me down clothes but Momma brung us ever mornin' on the motorcycle. We was the big deals o' the hole school. Seems like kids is a little mean an' pick on kids with klomp shoes nowdays. So I will always get Harley Goodwill shoes that fit and see that she goes ta school in style. Well, I gots a few years ta worry bout that, an' I'll hava glassa Gin ta make it through Sunday. Things jus go better with Gin. Gind Rinker Dear Gind, Yes they do....hic! hsppy(nominatingGindformotheroftheyear)shrink
Date: September 28, 2001
Dear Happy, My husband and I have been talking about planning a vacation in August of 2002. This vacation would require flying, and right now I don't think I can do that. Last night I started thinking about what could happen when I leave my home, then what could happen if I stayed at home. I've been thinking about all the pets that are still waiting for their owners to come home, and what they must feel. I worry about my own pets, what will happen to them if something happens to me or my husband. It worries me that they would be left alone if my husband and I are together and something bad happened. I think about my children too, I can't protect them. Basically, the more I allow my self to
think about all these possibilities, the more I feel myself shrinking
inward. It is starting to become a problem. I understand that it is
just a thought war going on in my head, however keeping it quiet is a
problem. I don't want to go to work, I don't want to leave the house. I
know you are going to tell me to talk to my therapist about it, that's
really all you can say. I did. It has gotten worse since our
talk. Anyway I'm sure I'll be fine, it's just scary being around people,
being in life right now. I hurt for those who have lost loved ones in this
tragedy, and I hurt for all of us, who have lost some sense of security. Dear Methos, Contrary to what you may think, your reaction to the events of September 11th is quite normal. It is shared by millions of Americans who have been traumatized by terrorism. I think you know enough about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder to realize that their are two things that can help. One is talking to others like yourself who are both anxious and depressed about the future. The second thing is time. Time will make things better. Hopefully by August, you will not be afraid to board an airplane. In the meantime, don't just talk to your therapist about how you feel. Talk to your husband, your kids, your co-workers and your neighbors. They have been traumatized too. It will take all of us to heal one another from this terrible tragedy. Without doing that, the terrorists gain more than blowing up buildings and killing innocent people. The real war Methos, is a psychological one. Enemies of liberty and freedom want us to live in fear. They will never be able to destroy our cities and our people, but if they make us feel like we are prisoners of terrorism, they will have succeeded in changing our way of life and the freedoms we enjoy. Don't let them do that to you or your family. This is a dialogue I will be happy to continue on this web page. Perhaps others can respond too. Lastly Methos, I want to remind you that you are a survivor of terror even before the terrorist attacks. You will survive this too and so will all of us. Let's stay in touch. happy(andnowasurvivortoo)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, I wasn't trying to teach you how to swim." JeWitch
I guess you didn't do a very good job teaching her how to sink either. happy(keepingafloatforanotherday)shrink
Date: September 27, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, I am 13. I have been depressed on and off, mostly on, for three years. In the past week, it has gotten so bad that I have been seriously considering killing myself, even going so far as to sharpen a knife and holding it to my wrist. When I wake up in the morning, all I can think of is how I'm going to get it over with. All I can concentrate on in class is not crying, and it's really hard. I can't talk, except in whispers, because my voice cracks and I'll start to cry. So when I get home, I run to my room and burst into tears. I really can't handle this, on top of everything else, much longer. I know you'll tell me to seek therapy and all that stuff, but I have the disadvantage of being 13 years old. No one takes me seriously and it's not easy at all to talk to anyone. My parents I strongly believe, couldn't care less. My teacher picked up my journal one day and read it, got really concerned, and showed my mom and dad. My dad didn't even say anything to me about it. My mom said that it would be a good idea if I talked to the school counselor, but that's as far as it went. I never saw the school counselor. I seem to repel people. I can't even see anymore how therapy or even lots and lots of medicine could possibly help. I feel so hopeless. I want to get away from all of this. Maybe I'll become a crack whore and lose all touch with reality. That might be nice. TR Dear TR, Why don't you see that school counselor? You may not think it will help but I urge you to give it a try. Hurting yourself or ending up a crack whore isn't the answer and I think you know that. You are carrying a heavy burden right now and talking to someone will help to ease it. Please get the help you need TR. Feel free to write me again. happy(notrepelled)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Met my new neighbor a few days ago. She came over to borrow a cup of sugar. I felt bad I couldn't give her any, I gave it to the kids for lunch. We were talking, just making small talk, she kept making a sniffing sound. Finally she asked, "what died in here?" I showed her and she left without even saying good-bye. BITCH! A few days later there was a knock on my door. I open it up and it was someone from the health department. I said, "oh ... you again." She gave me some citations, fines, some dirty looks ..and a few days to get things in order. Well, yesterday our park got hit by a tornado. Saved me a whole lot of work, you can't imagine how much nicer it looks 'round here without all those damn washing machines. Heard you could really use one? I got my eye on a real nice one .. the trailer 2 doors down. They keep it on their front porch and just hook a hose up to it when need be. If they don't get out of jail soon .. I am gonna get the kids to tie that machine to the pickup and drag it down here to my place. Or .. we might just move in to that trailer. It's occupants were pretty drunk when they got taken to jail. We are hoping they can't remember where they lived. Nobody in that lot had a car or truck .. don't know they could find this place on their own. Keep your fingers crossed. Edna Dear Edna, Thanks for thinking of me but I'll stick with my local laundry mat. By the way, isn't that the 6th time this year your trailer park has been struck by a tornado? That's even more times than there have been UFO sightings. Kinda makes you wanna think. happy(only4Elvissightings)shrink
Date: September 26, 2001
Happyshrink-- I do not know what to do. I am a college freshman, and I am living with my roommate, who is going insane. We have been living together for a month already, but today she started screaming at me and telling me I had to move out of the room. I did not mind living with her, even though we are very different. She is a cheerleader and is going to join a sorority. I am a normal person. So, that is one of our differences. I also wake up at five in the morning, and go to bed at nine, because of a very demanding work schedule. She does not. She is very upset with me because my stuff is all over the room, which it is, but it is all over my side of the room. It doesn't interfere, except when she brings boys over they all joke about how our room looks bad. She takes pursuing boys very seriously. I think that most of the guys she hangs out with are sort of stupid and take themselves much too seriously and dress all in Abercrombie and pretend to be cool. So, I really don't care if they don't like our room. Besides, her part of the room is very neat. So, they can be happy that they are hanging out with the neater roommate, instead of the one with potato chips all over her bed. It also pisses me off that she is one of the stupidest people I have met. She doesn't have any common sense, and I am always having to explain things to her. She doesn't know how to do laundry, and she doesn't understand that when you plug too many things into the outlet, it short-circuits. We have both been living in this city for a month now, and she still doesn't know the names of any of the streets, or where we live. Sometimes, she calls me up at three in the morning when she is drunk, trying to find where our dorm is, because she doesn't understand anything. Then, I have to give her step-by-step directions over the cell phone about how to get back. And I just moved here too, so sometimes, she is wandering around for hours, and then she comes home all pissed at me. What am I supposed to do? She complains all the time because I have developed a habit of burning things. I have a lighter on my desk, and a whole lot of random objects. When I am bored, I sometimes start setting fire to things. It relaxes me when I get upset. Right now, there is a cashew burning in a bottle cap, but fortunately, my roommate is out. I like to set fire to different things and watch them burn, but my roommate starts screaming whenever I do it. It is fun to burn paper, lip gloss, soda bottles, sunflower seeds, cookies, etc. Cashews are really good because they go up in flames. I do this safely, since the desk is fireproof and there is always a bottle of water or soda around. Besides, it is my desk, not hers that I am setting things on fire on. I wish she would relax about stupid things that I just do for no reason. We have both talked to the RA, who says that we need to communicate more, and also that I need to clean up the room. Now that she is screaming at me to move out and that she hates me, we will probably go talk to the RA again. I think she should move out, and I don't want to live with her any more. I also do want to clean the room, but I am usually too tired or busy. Since all of her classes are 100 level and could be successfully completed by a retarded monkey, and all she does is party anyway, she has no idea what it is like to have no time and be under lots of stress. All she does is watch Country Music Television when she is in the room, which I hate. I have heard the song "Telluride" by Tim McGraw over 50 times now, because it is very popular, but it is the dumbest song in existence and always gets stuck in my head. So, what do you think I should do? Right now, I am going to move to my friend's house, but I officially get mail at the dorm and I get in trouble if I don't live there. So, I have to go back later on, but I don't want to. Any objective advice would be appreciated. --Bell Dear Bell, Clearly, the two of you are incompatible and neither wants to change. I don't think this is a case of your roommate being crazy or more unreasonable than you. Both of you don't seem to realize that living with another person involves, respect and compromise. When you tell me that your roommate has no common sense and is taking courses that can successfully be completed by a retarded monkey, it clearly indicates contempt for her on your part. She may have similar contempt for you and this just makes for an intolerable situation. I don't know what the college's policy is on changing dorms at this point but that would be the best solution. If this is not possible, you need to have some kind of mediation where both of you agree to change. For your roommate, it could mean not calling you at three in the morning to ask directions and wearing headphones when she listens to TV. For you it may mean trying to be neater and not burning stuff. Neither of you need to be friends but you do need to respect one another. What happens in a small dorm room affects the both of you even if what happens is on your side of the room or her side of the room. If the two of you can't do that Bell, it's going to be a very long year. Let me know how things work out. happy(alreadyalongyear)shrink
Dear Happy, Well, we was havin'a park picnic here'n at the Circle K, when up pulls that Slut, Edna, with all her kids. Justa all decked out with'in a new fur bullaro jaket an' a grate big potta stew. Bein' manager of that No Name trailer park has put her family inta a hole new class, lookd like. Come ta find out, she was the same ol' Edna. Her daughter, Zelda, was takin' the home ek class at the high skool, an' she sowed that beeeutiful jaket from the rat skins that the other kids shot. She also cooked the stew. Edna's kids just luv her. Kain't qwite figger it out, zackly, but I hope Harley luvs me that much an' 'll sow me a bullaro. What do you think I shud do to keep Harley a sweet an luvin' child? Gind Rinker Dear Gind, Just be the loving mom you are and keep Harley away from Earl and DUI as much as possible. happy(sweetanluvin)shrink
Date: September 25, 2001
Dear Happy, I am having a lot of problems, I don't even know where to begin. I have been suffering on and off from depression for years. I have to say I am not trying to blame anyone but I am having a really hard time with my husbands job. He is a Firefighter for the past 4 years. Before this he was in a normal hours job, coming home between 3 and 5 pm every day. I was loving it, we would have dinner and he would play with our little ones. I guess what I am trying to say is this is very overwhelming for me. He works 2 jobs works overnighters and goes from one job to the next. He rarely sees the children, and when he does, he is usually yelling orders and threatening to spank. He also lashes out on me a lot yells at me in front of the kids and makes me feel like dirt. I have been trying to talk to him about it but he feels like I am nagging him. I do everything with the kids he is never involved. I get them off to school, I get them ready for bed, read the stories, I cook them dinner, I go to the parent teacher conferences. HE IS ALWAYS WORKING!!! The kids have stopped asking when has is coming home. And in all honesty things are much more calm when he is not here. I am actually more comfortable when he is at work. I find that this scares me. I want to need him and deep in my heart I do. But I can't take the broken promises. And him being gone almost every weekend. I have started to like being on my own with the kids and this is a scary thought. My second grader told me last night. Why does daddy always have to yell when he is home? Why is he always working? and why does he yell at you?... and then she burst into tears. This little one is hurting and so are the rest of us . I am heartbroken. Please Help. sad Dear sad, When marriage stops being a democracy, it becomes abuse. Your husband may not be physically hurting you, but he is verbally abusive and does not listen to your concerns. This is a very difficult time for all fire fighters and I can appreciate his dedication and bravery. He must remember though, that he made a commitment to you and the kids before he became a fire fighter. That commitment must come first. If he will not listen to you during a moment of calm, you need to seek marriage counseling. If he refuses to do that sad, you need to consider more serious options. This situation will not get better by itself and the verbal abuse can become something worse. Don't let it happen sad. get the help you need for the both of you and for your kids as well. I have received another letter from you and I will answer that one in a few days. Please feel free to write again. happy(butsadforsad)shrink
Dear Happy, Now that me and Bubba are both respectable working people, I only thought it right for us to start going to church on Sundays. Bubba found this church that he wants us to attend but I'm not a Presbyterian. What should I do?
Edna Dear Edna, Neither is Bubba. He just wants people to "think" he's bi...... Presbyterian. happy(thinkshe's....doesn'tknowwhattothinkatthispoint)shrink
Date: September 24, 2001 Happy Birthday Rikki
Dear Happyshrink, My girlfriend's mother was bipolar and died from a stroke. Her Mother's sister also suffered from some type of nonspecific mental illness, she also died from a stroke. My girlfriend is perfectly healthy. My question is would our kids suffer from mental illness or bipolar? Does the disease travel on the Mother's side of the family? Does it skip generations? Her father was healthy. HJ Dear HJ, Bipolar disorder occurs in about 2% of the population. Individuals whose families have a history of this condition usually have a frequency twice that of the general population, so the chances of this disorder happening to your kids is approximately 4%. This doesn't take into account the family dynamics which also may have contributed to your girlfriend's mother and aunt's disorders. There is always risk to having children. Bipolar disorder is certainly not one of the big ones to worry about. Good luck. happy(beyondtheageofrisking)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, This is for St. Theresa, Judiblueye, and all of us women in the trenches day in and day out. I would certainly like to see this series (after the kids are in bed and I have all my chores done, of course). Here it is: New Survivor Series Mark Burnett, producer of "Survivor", plans to enlist 12 men, who will be dropped in an unidentified suburb with a van, six kids (each of whom play two sports and take either a musical instrument or dance class), and no access to fast food. They must keep the house clean, correct all homework (receiving at least a C+ on all papers), complete one science project, cook (OK, they can bring one cookbook), do laundry, etc. Oh, and they also have access to television only when the kids are asleep and all chores are done, and none of the TV's have remotes. Plus they have to shave their legs and wear makeup which they must apply themselves either while driving or while making six lunches. The competitions will consist of such things as attending a PTA meeting and accurately reporting the results; cleaning up after a sick child at 3:00 a.m.; making an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and getting a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas. The kids vote them off. The winner gets to go back to his job. In the words of my friend, JeWitch...'nuff said. Wind(makingdinnerwhilecoveringbooksandfillingout27forms)NWillows Dear Wind, Mark Burnett is no dope. He scraped this idea because he realized that no one would survive. happy(justgotthekidsofftoschool...and ON TIME)shrink
Date: September 23, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, Becoming a survivor is a road many have traveled before me, and hopefully less will travel after me. The road has been a painful one for me, probably because I had no skills or knowledge of how to deal with it. I had no love or support, because I had to break up with my boyfriend over this incident. What incident? I slept couple times with my stepfather; at that time I was 27 and he 53, it just happened, when he came on business to our town, we had a dinner, couple drinks, he ask if he could stay over night as he did before several times, but this time my boyfriend was away for couple weeks. We would talk and talk, I was melancholic, bit drunk perhaps and then it somehow happened. Did you ever want something so bad, it distracts you from everyday life? Well that very thing I wanted is the exact same thing I run from. My boyfriend didn't know anything about the incident with my stepfather, he just felt something, so I just withdrew my love from him, while utterly loving him. I wouldn’t be able to face him one day with the fact that I cheated on him and my mother. And I know he would find out, he is pretty smart. After that event with my stepfather, and the catastrophe of splitting with my love, I spent most of my time just working and working – going from day to day, just doing what was necessary… seldom having pleasure and laugh as I used to have. Year later or so, I begin to date again, going from various relationship until today, at 29 years. I want to break out of my shell & live, get married (having a new boyfriend), but my stepfather is still with my mother, whom I love and I never told her about the few nights affair I had with her husband. What shall I do? My stepfather is in love with me and he wants me more then before and you can imagine how it is difficult to come to their house and pretend that nothing happened. He and mum did invite us couple times; to come and stay with them for weekend or so, but I know he will be constantly undressing me with his eyes and thinking about the oral sex he once got from me. I’m afraid that one day he might terrorize me if I wouldn’t give him what he wants, I’m afraid that one day he might talk about it to my boyfriend (maybe husband to be) that we had sex. I will then loose my boyfriend, perhaps my mother and for sure my younger sister's trust, who is happily married too – so what shall I do? Giving my stepfather oral sex once in while it might keep him quiet, but isn’t that a horrendous price to pay for the sin I have done? And until when am I going to do that, till the doomsday? Or should I just spill the beans and apologize to all of them and see what my mother, my sister and my boyfriend will do? Do you have any words of wisdom? WK Dear WK, At present, the only one who is victimizing you is yourself. Yes, you made a mistake. I would go so far to say you made a BIG mistake. I don't know if your mother can ever forgive you or if your sister will every trust you again. There are no guarantees if you decide to tell them what happened. Right now the first thing I would suggest is that share this information with your boyfriend. I can't guarantee his reaction either, but you can't live a lie with someone you love. If he is the right person for you, he will be understanding and supportive. If you want to have any kind of true and honest relationship with your mother, you must tell her as well. Not only doe she need to know what you did; she needs to know what her husband did. If he was bold enough to have an affair with you, what makes you think that he hasn't cheated with other women as well. Can you really believe what he tells you? Your mom may or may not forgive you, but she needs to know what happened and you need to be truthful to her to have any chance for an honest relationship. Don't let your mistake victimize you any more. Do the right thing WK. Let me know what happens. happy(hardertoforgiveyourselfthantoforgiveothers)shrink
Happy, I was sitting in my car, a little late for work, but listening to Howard Stern being laughed at for not "doing-it" with Pamela Anderson when the opportunity was there. Laughing while people called him a "pussy" etc ... when out of the blue he slaps us back into reality with "a plane just hit the WTC." I believe you were listening too Happy as you were making your way across the GWB ... Then another plane hits and you get this gut feeling that this is NO ACCIDENT !! You are all of the sudden afraid .. What is going on ??? I have never been so afraid .. At that moment I wished I had my parents to turn to .. just one of my buried emotions, but I hurried on to work to share this information with my co-workers. Wondering if they heard it already and were they sharing the same emotions I was at that time. I hurry into work with my radio headset on one ear .. giving them a blow by blow of what happened ..What was happening .. NOW THE PENTAGON HAS BEEN HIT !!! NOBODY THERE KNEW .. One of my bosses looks at me and says "I just finished doing the banking for our Wachovia account, will you do the Nations banking?" I froze inside and said, "Did you hear what I just said ??? We are being attacked in New York. Two planes have crashed into the World Trade Center ... THE WORLD TRADE CENTER !!!! And then the Pentagon." She said as casually as if I had said that I spilled my coffee, "yes, I heard." The other boss chimes in with "If we stop working, then THEY have won." WHAT ???? I think I am going crazy .. doesn't anyone realize that as of now the world as we know it has changed .. changed before our very eyes !!! Nobody,.... NOBODY is feeling any pain .. "Those terrorist aren't trying to stop us from working .. they are doing this because of some insane religious thing." I say .. RELIGION !!! Another thing I am so angry about .. Born to a Jewish father and a Christian mother ... Taken to church as a kid .. religion forced down my throat .. Religion being the reason my father's side of the family didn't accept my brother or I .. NOT JEWISH ENOUGH ... I am not accepted ... My very first boyfriend was Jewish and his parents wanted him to date a Jewish girl .. "her mother isn't Jewish .. she isn't Jewish ..." RELIGION RELIGION ... It is CRAZY .. I go to work for this company as Diane Norris and am accepted by everyone .. .Then one day my boss learns that my maiden name is Steiner. "What nationality is that name?" he inquires. "German." I tell him .. "You mean Jewish, don't you ??" he asks. "No ... you said "what nationality ... and my name is German." I let it go at that ... but he doesn't ... now in a much louder voice he says .. "BUT JEWISH!!, right?" "Yes. Jewish. MY FATHER WAS A JEW." I fire back. (I was soon let go from that company because he was not able to treat me the same anymore ..) NOW I AM JEWISH, but NOT JEWISH ENOUGH to be accepted by my F**KING FAMILY ... F**KING RELIGION ... It doesn't end there either does it ??? Right here in our own country we have little wars going on for the sake of religion .. Crazy Religious Rite or Right ... Jerry Fallwell ... the others ... Killing doctors at abortion clinic .. Is that NOT terrorist activity on a much smaller scale ??? I hardly ever listen to the news, I don't think I ever heard the name Bin Laden before 9/11/01 ... If the news doesn't come from Robin Quivers mouth or Howard Sterns .. or the local talk radio show .. Or from some e-mail, I don't hear it .. I don't want to hear it. It just makes me MORE ANGRY .. I hear things in the news and I feel like my hands are tied .. this whole election CRIME .. my hands are tied .. WHY ISN'T STEALING THE ELECTION A CRIME ??? I don't care who is President .. it never affects me, never. But STEALING THE ELECTION ???? Why isn't this being investigated .. I don't mean re-counts and theories ... I mean a FULL INVESTIGATION .. Something equal to Bill Clinton's Oval Office Blow Job. That we investigate .. but not the election.... Yeah .. so I don't listen to the news. Now you know why .. I am feeling NO BETTER now than before I started this rant ... but at least I said it .... There is no punch line .. This letter is from Diane. .... not Edna or Bubba .. or any of Edna's kids or friends .. ... This letter is not even from JeWitch .. This letter is from Diane ... a VERY ANGRY Diane that wants her WTC back .. that wants all those lives back .. that wants to not think about wars and bombing .. that wants to be able to come visit you in October when she was supposed to come up north and see her brother, but is too afraid now to get on a plane. This letter is from the Diane that wants to be able to sit down and write a letter from Edna or Bubba .. or any of Edna's kids or friends .. OR JeWITCH !!! But I can't think of ONE DAMN FUNNY THING TO SAY .. NOTHING IS FUNNY Happy .. I am not HAPPY, Happy. I want to help somehow .. I want to make my bosses care about what happened in New York .. What is happening to our country .. NOT just be angry that FEDEX isn't delivering packages fast enough .. Not that we sold a bunch of gold ONE DAY TOO SOON !! I want to be a shoulder for those poor lost souls in NYC to cry on .. I want to cry with them .. I want to sit the ENTIRE WORLD DOWN at ONE LARGE TABLE and tell them that everyone everywhere is entitled to believe in whatever God they want to .. or to believe there is NO GOD if they choose.. This doesn't make one religion right ... and it doesn't make the other peoples religion wrong or right either ... .That is why they call it "faith." Whatever you believe and have faith in is what is right, RIGHT FOR YOU but not necessarily right for someone else.. If there is a God .. HE/SHE doesn't want THIS !! And it isn't going to help to blow up this country or that county .. This leader or that leader .. we just have to make EVERY PERSON in EVERY RELIGION understand that their can be more than one religion .. That there is NOT A RIGHT RELIGION and the rest wrong ..We were not cut from a cookie mold .. we are all different .. OH HELL .. what's the use??? Diane Dear Diane, What is the use? I'll tell the use. This is the first letter to happyshrink I have ever received from Diane. Sure I've received hundreds of letters from JeWitch, Edna, Bubba, Edna's kids, etc..... but this is the first one from Diane. Hey, maybe Diane needs to write me more often. Especially now that all our lives have been changed by the events of September 11. There are things that all of us need to do. We need more than ever to talk to one another. We need more than ever to listen to one another. We need more than ever to respect our differences. We need more than ever to recognize our similarities. We need more than ever to cherish our freedoms. We need more than ever to appreciate the sacrifices that have been made. We need more than ever to understand the sacrifices that need to be made. We need more than ever to put the trivial aside and focus on what really matters. We need more than ever to love, hope, have faith (in who or whatever) and care. Let's hear from you again Diane. You have a lot to say and I'm always listening. happy(loving,hoping,havingfaith,andcaring)shrink
Date: September 22, 2001
Dear Happy Shrink, I'm planning on moving in with my boyfriend in Nov. of this year in Washington state. I'm well over 21 and so is he but I'm still nervous about leaving home! Is this normal for everyone regardless of age? When I leave, my father is planning on traveling and so I won't have a safety net to return home to. Am I too old to have worries like this? It is just that I cared for my mother during her battle with cancer until she died and now have spent the last two years simply keeping house for my father and am no longer happy to just sit here! I've lived in this area for over 21 years. Any advice for me? Feeling like a baby in CA Dear Feeling like a baby in CA, I recently moved from New York to New Jersey. The total distance was about 20 miles and I was anxious too. I won't tell you my approximate age but it rhymes with "over shmifty." All major changes in ones life have a combination of anxiety and excitement. The key is to acknowledge the fears but not let it get in the way of your new beginning. The sadness of leaving home and memories will eventually fade and the excitement of a new life and future will take it's place. You know better than anyone if this is a good move for you. If you think it is, then move forward without regrets. The worst regrets to deal with are the things you coulda, shoulda, and woulda done. Good luck feeling like a baby and let me know how your move goes. happy(WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)shrink
Dear Happy, This is the last straw. I can't take that JeWitch and her disgusting habits. I was walking down the street minding my own business when JeWitch appeared walking in the opposite direction. I turned to say hello to her but just as we passed, she broke wind right next to me. I thought I was going to choke to death. What could she be eating that would make her gas smell so vile? Mildred Thigpen Dear Mildred, Perhaps it's because of the new restaurant that opened on your block. Lucky for you they opened a second location!
The only thing I can suggest to you is to "fight fire with fire." Besides, it will do you and Gilbert good to get out and enjoy yourselves. happy(trythestuffedcabbage)shrink
Date: September 21, 2001
DEAR HAPPYSHRINK, I DON'T WANT TO PUSH MY ADULT CHILDREN AWAY FROM ME BY ASKING THAT THEY CALL OR COME VISIT ONCE IN a while. I TRY TO KEEP BUSY MYSELF SO I DON'T FEEL HURT. I KNOW IT IS A HECTIC LIFE WHEN YOU HAVE CHILDREN. BUT I WISH THEY WOULD TAKE SOME TIME FOR ME. THEY DO NOT LIVE THAT FAR AWAY AND ALWAYS SEEM HAPPY TO HEAR FROM ME. SINCE MY HUSBAND DIED I FEEL VERY MUCH ALONE AND SOMETIMES SCARED. I MISS THE CONNECTION WITH MY 6 GRANDCHILDREN. I DON'T SEEM TO HAVE ANY ANSWERS. WHY IS EVERYONE SO BUSY THAT THEY DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THEIR FAMILY? THANK-YOU FOR LETTING ME VENT. E Dear E, I'm very happy that you chose to vent to me. What would be more important, however, is that you vent to your children. Not in a hurtful or chastising way, but in a way that will look for a solution. It is normal for a grandparent to want to spend time with their grandchildren and you are no exception, E. Talk with your children about this. There is a vast difference between "You never call me" and "I'd like to see my kids. Let's make some plans." Waiting for your children to carry the ball may only result in a lot of hurt feelings and create even more distance. The other thing that might benefit you E, is getting involved in your own activities. The loss of your husband has not only left you without a partner; it has left you without purpose and involvement. There are a number of resources for you to explore your own interests. Some of them might be joining a reading group, taking a computer class through a local community center or looking into different activities that will enhance your own sense of well-being and independence. Perhaps volunteering at a daycare center one day a week you might feel needed as well as wanted. Your kids and grandkids should be the source of joy and comfort E, but not the only source. Get other people into your life and the time with your family will be even better. happy(feelfreetoventagain)shrink
Dear Happy, Too Much Coffee's story sounds very familiar. From what I've learned about ADHD inattentive type, after being diagnosed with it, sounds like he has many of the symptoms. I can relate to some of what he describes. Maybe Wellbutrin or Ritalin or some other similar medication would be healthier than caffeine. I drink a lot of caffeine too but it never occurred to me to take pills. Anyway, you don't have to post this. I just thought I'd share with you what I thought about the letter. BeeBalm Dear Bee, Thanks for sharing your experience. I am posting your letter so Too Much Coffee can get another prospective. happy(alwayslikesagoodidea)shrink
Dear Happy, Bubba has started a new business. Between me managing the trailer park and Bubba's new business, we'll be on easy street in no time. Here is the sign he made:
Love, Edna Dear Edna, I don't think this is a "new" business for Bubba. It sounds like the same old business he's been doing since he's been 13. happy(beeninthesamebusinessformanyyears)shrink
Date: September 20, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, I've just discovered your site and was wondering if you might help. I've been to several Dr's and all tests are negative. I've been battling a feeling of general illness for about a year! My hands have slight tremors and I simply do not feel well. I have "pins and needles" across my upper back, and I have times when I just am really sick. Hard to describe, dizzy, slight nausea, and a lightheaded feeling. I've had all types of tests, blood test, blood sugar, blood pressure, all normal. My friends are telling me these are symptoms of depression or stress. I've just decided to move to another state to move in with a friend, which is very stressful but these symptoms started almost a year ago! Any help would be so appreciated! These symptoms do not come and go such as an anxiety attack or panic attack would but I wake up not feeling well and stay that way all day! Thanks a million. J Dear J, If you have exhausted all medical possibilities, I suggest you be evaluated by a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist will not only consider mental health issues but review the medical testing as well. You could be suffering from depression or stress as your friends have suggested but there are other possibilities that a psychiatrist will be able to explore. Get the help you need now J. Let me know what happens. happy(exhaustingallpossibilities)shrink
Dear Happy, Well, that slut Edna done moved otta the trailer park. The other kids in the trailer park said the health nurse come ta the school cuzzin Edna'skids was all bit up and fulla red spots. The principal thought it might be bed bugs. But it wernt. It be fleez from da rats in the trailer. We don't got no flee bitten rats in this trailer park. A tick or too, maybe, but no fleez. The health nurse told Edna, they was gonna send a xtermanhater fer the fleez, but the kids would hafta shoot the rats. Well, they made a game otta it and they has bagged over 20. (thay cain't count pass 20, but I think it be about 50) But, ya no, I's thinkin that Edna takin' this new job may not be so good on the one han' fer the kids, but on the other, thay can shoot the head offin a rat at 50 paces. Gind Rinker Dear Gind, It sounds to me that you might be jealous of all the rats Edna's kids have killed. The Hoppenstadder family is eatin' mighty good these days. happy(Ismellarat)shrink
Date: September 19, 2001 Shannah Tovah!!!
HappyShrink-- The main question I have is this: is it OK to self-medicate for depression using caffeine? Ever since I was a little kid (8-9), I have noticed that I have been depressed periodically. I was quiet and preferred to be left alone reading, I had low levels of energy, and I usually didn't like myself. Obviously, as I got older, things got more complex, and actual issues in my life complicated my basic problem. But, now that I am about to turn 18, it seems to me like most of my inability to cope properly comes back to the fact that something basic in my personality prevents me from being pro-active, having energy, or being happy. Obviously, this is not a constant problem. Some days, I am great, others, not so much, but having lived with it as long as I have, I am beginning to recognize patterns more. However, when I was 12, I discovered caffeine. For the first time, I realized that drinking a cup of coffee gave me a consistent energy boost. I was finally able to rely on my mental state, and my ability to concentrate, my self-esteem, energy, and desire to be around people would all go up. Every few days, it would happen naturally, but with caffeine, I could count on it. Currently, I take a 200 milligram caffeine pill every morning, with an extra if I am going out with friends that night and need to be especially social. I have been taking 100-200 mgs per day for about two years now, with no side effects besides the obvious dehydration and occasional tremors if I "OD". If I try to cut out caffeine, I at first get moody and get weird headaches. Then, later on, I get *extremely* depressed. I cry and want to kill myself. I am not suicidal, and do not want to die, but the thoughts come out of nowhere. Even though I have never been tempted to give in to them, I hate the fact that they seem to have such a biological, rather than psychological, basis, because this means that I do not have conscious control over my mental state. Taking a caffeine pill makes me feel better within an hour. Also, I have recently started smoking, because I have realized that nicotine has similar effects. I have just joined the military, and have noticed that smoking a cigarette before a really strenuous physical test I need to pass improves my concentration and energy so much that I can sometimes cut almost two minutes off my mile time, which is an incredible performance boost. A lot of the guys take createne or steroids to get by, and at least I would never do that, but the physical and mental challenge gets really intense sometimes, and I need all the help I can get. Obviously, smoking is bad for your lungs in the long run, kills you, etc. I watched two of my grandparents die long tortured deaths from smoking, so I am not incredibly motivated to make this a life-long habit, just a temporary thing to get me through my first year in the military when we are constantly doing push-ups, etc. So, anyway, here's what I want to know: 1) Why does caffeine make me feel so much better? Is it normal, or is it because something is wrong with me? Do other depressed people get so much benefit from it/so much harm from not taking it? Does being tired increase depression, and is it just the fact that taking stimulants keeps me from being tired? 2) Is there any long-term physical harm from taking so much concentrated caffeine on a daily basis? I know the dangers of cigarettes, but no one has ever told me that caffeine pills (No-Doz) were bad for me. 3) Are there any good non-chemical ways to substantially increase energy for physical tests? Or to increase mental state to be able to better deal with 2+ hours of hard exercise/drill sgt. abuse? Thanks for answering, and I'm sorry this is such a long letter, dealing with such a random problem, but I would appreciate any insight you might have. --TooMuchCoffee Dear TooMuchCoffee, Caffeine is a stimulant that can make you more alert, give you an energy boost and perhaps reduce some symptoms of depression. It is also used to treat migraine headaches. It is certainly not a cure for your condition and often one requires greater amounts of caffeine to maintain it's effect. A lot of depressed people drink coffee. Studies have shown that that almost twice as many people who are clinically depressed are considered to be heavy coffee drinkers than the general population. Studies have been made with cigarette smoking with similar results. If you look at your No-Doz label, there are precautions for people who have heart problems, diabetes, depression and anxiety disorders. You really need to consult with a physician about how caffeine might effect you. Many health food stores sell various herbs, vitamins and homeopathic formulations that claim to increase energy. There is little clinical evidence that these formulations work, but there are people who swear by them. You must decide what's best for you. Lastly TooMuchCoffee, I would strongly suggest that you seek help from a psychiatrist. There are better ways of dealing with your depression including psychotherapy. A psychiatrist will be able to evaluation your condition and provide you with some treatment options. It's up to you to decide what options to consider. I would urge you to do this because eventually the positive aspects of nicotine and caffeine will diminish. Get the help you need TooMuchCoffee. happy(TooMuchInternet)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I'm tired. Do you know where I can pick up a gently used alter-ego? I'd like to let someone else drive for a while. Sincerely, Judiblueye Dear Judiblueye, You can do what JeWitch does and let Edna drive. On second thought, get behind the wheel and keep the ego you've got. happy(tryingtostayontheroadoflifewithaveryoldcar)shrink
Date: September 18, 2001 Shannah Tovah!!!
Dear Happyshrink, I got so angry last night, I'm not sure why I just couldn't control it. I took my fists and slammed them over and over into the walls, and at one point I wanted to shove them through the windows of our bedroom. It started out wanting to talk with my husband but it's that awful silence where he just sits and looks at me. IT DRIVES ME CRAZY. I want to hurt something and the only thing I can hurt is me. It's ok to hurt me. After I had calmed down a bit, I snuggled up with him. We started making up and during this I had this urge for him to hurt me. I asked him to be mean to me, hit me, hurt me. He was just trying to do what he thought
I wanted, but when he did, after a few I am suppose to hurt. I have a hard
time releasing the emotion without causing pain first. I lied to my
therapist and told him I had stopped cutting, the truth is I just don't do
it in places that are obvious. I do it in private areas where no one
sees. If I could cut off my females parts I think I would, just to
feel whole. Dear 1 of many, There are several things that stand out in your letter. The first, and I think most important, is the theme of pain that you write so well about. You experienced pain at some point early in your life which caused your initial trauma, and now you try to re-experience that pain by using several different methods. Some victims of childhood abuse do these things believing that they are healing themselves or to try to remember the early abuse and pain because on the surface they cannot. They experience dissociative states which prevent them from remembering their initial feelings of pain, betrayal, fear and anger. The dissociative state that I believe that you experience is your mind's method of self-preservation. Trauma is overwhelming and your mind dissociates in order to be able to continue to function in the every day world. Without this defense, you would cease to cope with even the smallest amount of stress and shut down. So in that way, it is a good thing. The down side is that you are prevented from your feelings that you want. Second, it is vital that you talk to your therapist about your cutting behavior and your feelings about hiding it from him or her. Your honesty now will help you in the long run. Your therapist may insist on a safety plan and part of that plan might include hospitalization. You have to be willing to live with these options in order to get better. I think that it is also vital that you share your husband's role in your wishes to injure yourself. He should participate in this meeting in order to understand that he should not participate in this and it may be included as part of the safety plan that he will have to contract to as well. It is important that you have his help and support in a healthy way right now. Lastly, 1 of many, you may get to a point where a group will benefit you. Sometimes just talking with other survivors is very therapeutic and can help you to heal. Knowing that you are not the only person to have undergone this kind of trauma and sharing common experiences with others can greatly benefit you. Please let me know how things go, 1 of many. happy(also1ofmany)shrink
Dear
Happy, I haven't had much time for internet stuff.. still cleanin' up after the labor day party... YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS MESS !! I am 'bout done.. finally... The bathroom was the hardest...but it is clean as a whistle. Wish you lived closer.. I would invite you over to come and smell my toilet.
Edna Dear Edna, After having visited you last year and smelling your kitchen, I think I'll pass on the bathroom. That is the bathroom you sent me a picture of isn't it? It looks just like your kitchen. happy(ifyoucan'ttakethesmellgetoutofthebathroom)shrink
Date: September 17, 2001
Dear Happy, Is there really such a thing as Prozac poop out? If so, can you wait a while and then go back on it successfully? I once read that once you go off of it that it's quite possible that it may not work for you again when you go back on it. This worries me a great deal because all of the other options leave me cold. Prozac relieved a lot of my other disorders a great deal and then it seemed like it wasn't working anymore. I went off of it in May and realize that I'm still depressed, etc. SP Dear SP, Psychotropic medications may have to be either changed or adjusted from time to time. I can't tell you if Prozac will be more effective now that you have been off of it for 4 months. My suggestion is that you discuss various options with your psychiatrist. There may be other medications for you that may prove more effective and work over a longer period of time. Good luck and let me know what happens. happy(allofushaveareasontofeeldepressed)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Edna found a new job. Manager of the "No Name" trailer park. She spent all day Saturday saying her good byes to her dear friends and neighbors at the Circle K trailer park and and after Bubba and I down a six pack Sunday I we loaded all their belongings into the back of his pick up truck. You should have been there to see the look on her face when she saw the MANAGERS TRAILER .. She was THRILLED .. Says all it needs are some new drapes, a coat of paint .. and something to shove under the other side of the trailer so it sits up straight. Bubba says he will just haul away that old water heater that is making it lop-sided. Imagine Edna's luck .. her back yard is the town's landfill .. She says she will just sit out front and wait for some good furniture to arrive ... Let's all hope they will be happy in their new home. Oh, by the way, Edna is very very proud that she has a new job as well as a new home. Late Sunday night Edna noticed that they forgot to bring the kids .. so we had to drive back to the Circle K and get them. They were up until 3 AM climbing the tree that is growing through the roof .. KIDS WILL BE KIDS I GUESS ! JeWitch
Dear JeWitch, I guess our Edna is becoming a real social climber. Gind and Earl must be eating their hearts outs. The only problem I can see with their new home is that the junk pile on the left side of the trailer may not provide ample recreation for the kids like the junk pile at the Circle K. Hopefully, this is just a limited view and there is a much bigger junk pile in the area. happy(leavingthejunkpileforanotherday)shrink
Date: September 16, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, Have no patience anymore for anything, not even enough to tell u about what bothers me. I feel nervous inside, restless-minded, my head aches cause I think too much. ML Dear ML, You had the patience to write me this letter. Perhaps you can see a face to face therapist and talk about what's bothering you. Without doing that, it will only get worse. happy(amindisaterriblethingtowaste)shrink
Dear Happy, A lot has been going on. My son is doing better and we are taking him back to the RTC tomorrow. He has been here since Thursday. They will discharge him to come home on the 14th of September after our staffing. We are all really excited. More news, my husband is being transferred with his job. We are moving 16 hrs away from where we live now. It is exciting, but I am trying to talk myself out of falling into a depression. The problem is we own a home and I have to stay here until it sells.........he has to be there the first of November. My mom tried to guilt us into staying and when that did not work she got all mad and is giving me the silent treatment. I do not need this right now, this should be a happy, joyous thing. Praying my house sells soon. ocdnet(thankshappyforlistening)angel
Perhaps your parents are doing you a favor. The last thing you need right now is their guilt trips and their meddling into your families problems. Give them the silent treatment back. Let me know if and when you sell your house. happy(wishingyougoodluck)shrink
Dear Happy, I just discovered EBay and I decided to sell a family hairloom. This tea kettle has been in my family for over 10 years. It's the oldest thing I got that's not broken. Somehow there aint been any bids on it yet. I thought I took a great picture of it. Do you know any way I can make this tea kettle look more attractive?
Edna Dear Edna, Try asking Bubba to put on some clothes when he takes a picture of your family "hairlooms." happy(somepeoplejustshouldn'teverbenaked)shrink
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