Postings from September 1-15, 2001

Date: September 15, 2001   

Dear Happyshrink,

Well my problems started when I started a new job.  I have 3 kids and a part time job.  I was at work and had a phone call and without warning this feeling came over my body and I started shaking.  I didn’t not know whether or not to throw up or pass out.  My heart was racing out of my chest and I felt out of control.  My mom came and got me and I literally felt like I was dying on the way to the doctor.  I have always been in good physical health and also athletic.  

My doctor put me on Klonopin and on Zoloft which really made me groggy throughout the day.  Finally after about 4 months I told my doctor that when I ate I felt better so he tested my sugar and said that I was hypoglycemic.  At this point I quit all sugar, caffeine and smoking to feel better.  My biggest finally was when I had an attack and a cardiologist put  me in the hospital and wanted to transport me to Austin Heart Hospital for a heart catheterization just by the symptoms.  BUT the more I read about the anxiety attacks the more I realize I have exactly that.  

My question and concern is with the Klonopin.  I have become so scared of having these attacks the Klonopin is my security blanket.  I have only been on it for 5 days but I feel so much better.  My concern is the addiction issue and the side effects if any.  I am also on Zoloft which is ½ a pill a day.  I took this medication for 4 months and got off.  That is when I got a lot of attacks and that is when they tried to diagnose me with SVT.  Please let me know if staying on this much medication is healthy or if there is an alternative that is at a less health risk.

SH

Dear SH,

All medications have risks. Klonopin is not as addictive as other benzodiazepines and is a very effective anti-anxiety medication. If you are going to be on any psychotropic medication for an extended period of time, I would strongly suggest that you see a psychiatrist. While all medical doctors are able to prescribe psychotropic medications, psychiatrists are better trained to figure out the best combinations of medications for you as well as determining the proper dosage for maximum relief of symptoms.  

Whenever you consider the side effects of medication, you have to always weigh that against the symptoms that they relieve. When you see a psychiatrist, discuss your concerns with addiction, side effects and drug combinations. Also mention the issue of hypoglycemia and how that may relate to your condition. 

Unlike many other medical conditions, panic attacks as well as other psychiatric disorders may require different treatment plans for different people. Side effects will also vary greatly from person to person. Having a psychiatrist who will work closely with you is the best strategy for treating your condition effectively. Good luck and let me know how you are doing.

happy(notasaddictiveasother)shrink(s) 

 

Dear Happy,

I want to respond to Bee Balm's letter with an experience that I had today. I was in the grocery store about 11:00 this morning and a voice came over the store PA system and asked if everyone in the store would observe a moment of silence for the victims and families of this week's tragedies. And there we all just stood, Christians and Jews and Muslims and Hindus and descendents of many nations. We all stood in the aisles and at the check-out counters, in the dairy sections, the meat and produce sections and even people on their way out who had reached the doors stopped in their tracks. We all froze and everyone bowed their heads. You could have heard a pin drop in a store that was full of people. I realized at that moment that it really didn't matter where people came from, or even who they were or what religion they were or what nationality they were. We stopped because innocent human beings were slaughtered and it was our duty as fellow human beings to do one simple thing for them and that was to take a moment to think about them and the agony of their surviving relatives and friends.

I also am not well versed in the Koran, but can't imagine that the horrific acts of violence that were committed on Tuesday had anything to do with what is contained in it's pages. What I can believe is that there are people in the world who have obviously misinterpreted what it means to be human and so human life is fairly meaningless for them. Books don't make people commit these atrocities. People choose to commit them and whether or not they hide behind a book is fairly inconsequential. From what I saw this morning and what I have been seeing on the news for the last 3 days, they have hurt every nation, not just ours.

Wind.

Dear Wind,

I couldn't agree with you more.

happy('nuffsaid)shrink

 

Dear Happy,

I always thought that Bubba had some serious mental problems and now I understand why. Just the other day, he had some X-ray of his brain and you wouldn't believe what they found:

Does this explain why he's so horny all the time?

Edna

Dear Edna, 

Actually that's what all men's brains look like.

happy(haslotsofgraymatter)shrink

 

Date: September 14, 2001   

Dear Happyshrink,

I'm hoping for a light answer to what has become a serious problem. Every so often, I experience these Dissociative states when I encounter or experience something that shuttles me to a dream-like state (while I am awake). I feel as if a nightmare that I have had has entered into my waking life, feel an intense feeling of dread and deja-vu, and experience a pretty strong panic attack. I am on SSRIs for panic disorder, but these latest attacks are so strange and make me feel so unreal and shaken that I am beginning to think that there is something very wrong with my brain. Got any jokes that might cure this strange condition? Thanks,

Kristen

Dear Kristen,

I don't have a joke for your condition but I have a suggestion. Dissociative states are often a result of early trauma. You might want to examine this issue with a therapist. The medications you are on for panic attacks may relieve symptoms but they will not get at the root of your condition. Speak to a therapist and try to make some sense of what these dream like states are about. Hopefully, you can find a therapist with a good sense of humor. Good luck and let me know what you find out.

happy(twomenwalkintoabar......)shrink

 

Dear happy,

I have known people who are Muslims and found them to be very friendly. I want to believe that most Muslims don't believe what Bin Laden has said, but so far I haven't heard anyone say it. If Bin Laden is just an extremist who doesn't represent other Muslims, I wish the other Muslims would speak up. Speak up LOUD.

I know that Christians in the past have been guilty of committing treachery in the name of Christ in the past. I just wanted to make it clear how Christians are DIRECTED to behave toward others. If there are similar scriptures in the Koran I would love to hear them.

BeeBalm

Dear BeeBalm,

I am not a student of the Koran and unable to quote chapter and verse. I do have Muslim friends who have assured me that their scriptures are based on love and devotion to God. I appreciate your religious beliefs Bee and I have no doubt that your faith directs you in a moral and righteous way. The vast majority of Muslims are also directed in a moral and righteous way.

I don't know what TV stations you have been watching but I have seen quite a few members of the Arab-American community express their outrage towards Bin Laden and their loyalty to this country. One Egyptian American had an office at the World Trade Center and lost co-workers and family members. He spoke up LOUD about his opposition to extremists and his support of our President to wage war on terrorism. 150 mosques in New York City will be having prayer services today for the victims of terrorism. Islamic beliefs are not the enemy Bee. Intolerance is the enemy and all religions have been guilty of that.

happy(intolerantofintolerance)shrink 

 

Date: September 13, 2001   

Dear Happyshrink,

My mom lives with us, and I caught her saying all of these negative things about my kids and my husband and I. She said how difficult and belligerent my kids were, how my one daughter will probably end up pregnant, the other one will probably just drop out of school, how she doesn't know what the problem is with my husband that he's out of work so long, how I've screamed at her and resent her, how my husband's bossy, that she helps with the housework and still has to pay us (we ask nothing of her). What really hurts is that my 1/2 sister is very jealous of me, and loves to hear dirt on us and tell everyone.

My mom has done this before, and has created a lot of the family problems by playing one side against the other. Also, we're having a hard enough time right now, my husband is out of work through no fault of his own, my one daughter has just been diagnosed multi-handicapped (ADHD, Tourrettes, Asperger's Syndrome, Bi-polar), and the other daughter got mad and is living on her own at 18. We have gone out of our way to be nice and help my mom, by having her live with us. She was so unhappy in the senior home, that we offered her a room here. I think she should live elsewhere, I don't think I deserve this kind of treatment in my own home. 

I told my mom how I feel, and she just says that she's sorry for me, because I'm really sick. I said that I don't appreciate her saying all of these negative things about us, and she said that they weren't negative. When I tried to talk to her, she did her usual of running in the bathroom and locking the door. I had to raise my voice to talk to her then, so she told my 1/2 sister that I was "hysterical". I would appreciate advice on this matter. Thanks.

WD

Dear WD,

It sounds like you really have your hands full right now. I am not sure about the extent to which your mom complains and expresses negativity on a day to day basis. Many older adults suffer from clinical depression and do a lot of complaining. Their age and infirmities have made them feel very isolated and powerless. Your mother probably feels very isolated from the rest of your family. She sees that you are going through a difficult period of time and is powerless to do anything but complain about it.

Only you can decide what to do about your mom, but if she is disruptive to the rest of the family, you need to consider her living somewhere else. If you and your family can ignore her complaints and negativity, that would make things easier. Those are your options WD. Let me know what you think.

happy(lifeisnevereasy)shrink

 

Dear happy,

I couldn't get it out of my mind how Bin Laden has declared killing Americans a religous Islaamic act and wanted to find his statement myself. I found it at http://www.emergency.com/bladen98.htm In this he quotes Muslim scripture which says to kill pagans.

This is in direct opposition to Christian scripture which says "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you. Luke 6:27-31

If there are Muslims out there who believe that killing people of other faiths is wrong, I'd sure like to hear from them.

BeeBalm

Dear BeeBalm,

I work with a Muslim woman who is appalled at what terrorists have done in the name of Allah. She is as upset as anyone I know. Distorting religious scriptures are not exclusive to radical Muslims. There are individuals who quote from both the Old and New Testaments and interpret them as messages of hate and bigotry. Holy wars are also not the exclusive domain of third world nations. Throughout history, no major religion is without fault.

This is not about Christian belief versus Islamic belief BeeBalm. This is about evil, terrorism and murder. It is about living in a free society that welcomes all to worship as they wish as opposed to living in a society that only allows one way of thinking and worshipping. 

Right now we must all stand together as a nation whose greatest strength is our diversity. Let's not sink to the level of people who hate because of color race or religion. Let us celebrate our freedom and let the world know that this act of war will just make us stronger. 

happy(epluribusunum)shrink

 

Date: September 12, 2001   

Yesterday, every American as well as every person who cherishes liberty was traumatized by the events in New York and Washington. All of us are victims and it is important that we work through our grief, anger and fear. If you feel helpless and hopeless, don't wait for things to get better by themselves. Give blood. Talk to your kids. Talk to your friends and family. Donate food to food banks. Do what ever it takes to empower yourself and remember that good is more powerful than evil. 

If the Twenty-first Century is to be remembered by anything, let it be remembered like its' predecessor; as a time when our freedoms were challenged and our resolve as Americans of all races, faiths and creeds prevailed. 

--happyshrink

 

Date: September 11, 2001   

Dear Happy,

My wife is 46 years old. She is suffering from severe depression with suicidal tendencies. She is self mutilating. She also suffers from anorexia. This is the third major round of depression in her life. She is in the 4th year of this round which is the worst.

Her first three marriages have been very abusive and have included a torture/rape, stabbings, a broken back and a broken nose. We have been together for 4 years, but the intimacy of the marriage has caused her to want to separate at least temporarily. This came about after she had a recurrence of breast cancer that has greatly aggravated the depression.

Her Doctor has her taking trazodone, celexa, effexor and clonazepam. My research indicates that these are 3 antidepressants and an anti-hallucination. What do you make of all this medicine. She is the love of my life. She has totally withdrawn from me.

St

Dear St,

You wife's history of abuse and her acts of self-mutilation would indicate to me that she is suffering from more than depression. She is probably suffering from post traumatic stress disorder and may also have a personality disorder. These are all very serious conditions that do not have cures. The medications she is taking at this time may help reduce the symptoms. If they don't, her doctor may try others. 

The fact that she has had three previous marriages where all of her husbands were abusers is also very disturbing. One may speculate that this was not a coincidence and she tended to find men that were controlling, dominating and violent. If your marriage is different than the previous three, you must respect her wishes to separate at this time. It is important for her to learn that she has choices and does not have to live in fear or domination of others.

Other than that St, you can be loving, reassuring and patient. In time she may get better and want to get back together with you. If that doesn't happen after a period of time, then you may need to move on with your life. Good luck.

happy(sometimesloveisn'tenough)shrink

 

Dear Happy,

My Earl loves Harley, don't git me wrong, but he is feelin' unfulfilled. He says he want to teach her how ta fish an' wrassel. Well that be OK by me. A girl gots ta node how ta fen fer hersef. But he say he wantsta teach her how ta play baseball, horseshoes, chug a beer, ride a motrcycle, arm wrassel, chaw tabakker, nifefight, shoot like any good NRA, an' how ta pick the bes Republican ta vote fer. Well, I agree bout the voter trainin', but everthin' else ain't fitten fer a girl. My Earl bein expert at all them things, he would make Harley one o' them pushy women likes in the Nashonal Orginazashon fer Women. None o' the good men like My Earl an' Dui would want her.

So, Jewitch was sayin', I gots ta git his mind offen it and that I should talk him inta volunteerin' fer the Boys Club. What ya think?

Gind Rinker

Dear Gind,

Why not start Earl off with a plant? If he screws that up, at least he won't end up in jail.

happy(herbicidal)shrink

 

Date: September 10, 2001   

Dear Happyshrink,

I have a serious problem I'm hoping you can help me with. My parents are 70 years old. My Mother is verbally and sometimes physically abusive toward my father. She is also a binge drinker. My father is on the verge of tears all the time, and he says that when he dies, I should know that my mom killed him. I don't know what to do. My father says not to say anything to my mom because she'll just take it out on him. She is always angry at him, but acts like everything is fine in front of other people.

They will not go to counseling, especially my mother, who thinks there is only something wrong with my father. He says he's too old to move out of their house. He has lost the will to live. It makes me so sad. I'm afraid how this is going to play itself out. Is there anything I can do? Thank you for any advice you can give me.

DL

Dear DL,

If you think your mother can seriously injure or kill your father, you should call Adult Protective Services in your area and have them evaluate the situation. It may go by another name where you live, but you can contact a family service agency in your area to find out who to call. As long as your father is not willing to take any action, there is not much else you can do. Like may victims of abuse, there is often a sense of dependency toward the abuser. This is not easy to change without help. You have to be able to offer your father some alternatives. Can you find him an affordable place to live? Can he live with you or some other family members? These are not easy questions DL, but that's what you can do.

As far as your mother is concerned, it sounds like she is in denial about her drinking and her abusive behavior. Here again, she has to recognize that there is a problem that requires change. It is not likely this will happen unless your father moves out and she has no one left. Perhaps then, a family "intervention" can occur.

Lastly DL, this situation can also make a victim out of you and other family members. If after you have exhausted all options for helping, you may just need to put some distance between yourself and your parents. That might be the hardest thing of all to do but you have your own life and family to worry about. Please let me know how things work out.

happy(sometimesyouhavetoletgo)shrink 

 

Oh, Happy. 

How I have missed you. I definitely think that I suffered withdrawal while you were away. But now that you are back life can resume and everything (with the exception of many, many things) can return to the blissful state in which it was when you left us.

ARA

Dear ARA,

Thank you for your kind words. I too am now in a blissful state.

happy(andblissful)shrink

 

 

Date: September 9, 2001   

Hi Happy, 

I've had a mixed life. (Depression).  I'm a lot better now. But I pick holes in my husband. I get wind up about things he says. He doesn't seem to be fair about things. e.g. If I start to talk he butts in, I find that rude, and he doesn't seem to be listening.  If he talks he expects respect by me listening and looking at him when he's speaking. I also have a problem with my friends they expect me to do all the phoning etc. They don't show any interest so I've stopped seeing them. I love my Husband very much, What can I do to resolve the situation.

J

Dear J,

I don't know how long you and your husband have been married J, but patterns of behavior towards one another develop over time and they are very hard to break. If you are going to accomplish this, you first have to talk to your husband at the right moment (when both of you are calm and listening to one another) about how you feel. He needs to know that this is of great concern to you and one that can not be dismissed as "your problem."

You could then suggest that as a remedy to this situation, the both of you will pick a time of the week where you and your husband can sit down and talk about how you are feeling. During this time, each of you agree to make eye contact and listen to the other without interrupting. It may be difficult at first, but if you keep at it, it will improve your relationship and also improve the way you communicate at other times.

If this doesn't work, then perhaps you may want to consider marriage counseling. Other things may be going on in your relationship that may require professional help. Please let me know how things work out.

happy(stilltryingtomakeeyecontactontheInternet)shrink

 

Dear Happy

I tried taking a couple of days of work over 2 weeks but the only thing that happened is that the work piled up while I was away and now I'm even further behind. I am still hanging on by the skin of my teeth but I'm not really sure I can cope much longer. I also did something really stupid that I haven't done in more than a year. I bought a couple of grams of coke and finished it in one evening. Now I feel even worse because I didn't have the money for it and I now am struggling with sinus. My other half is away on a contract which we really need the money for, and I can't tell him what I did. If it's any consolation the next morning I swore it would be the last time. Somehow when things get too much I end up turning to recreational substance abuse just to cope. The good news is that my employer has agreed to get somebody in to help me and that should happen within the next month. Thanks for listening to my litany of complaints.

Regards

Shez

Dear Shez,

I'm relieved that your taking a couple of grams of coke only gave you financial and sinus problems. The possibilities could have been much worse. Next time you have the urge to do something self-destructive, call someone or write me a letter. All that taking drugs do beside put you in physical danger is isolate you even more from people. That's the last thing you need right now Shez. I may not have a quick fix answer to all your problems, but I will always listen. There are others in your life that will do the same for you. Sometimes that's the best medicine of all.

happy(andstilllistening)shrink

 

Dear Judi,

It is a speaker but one that has become defective. When I first put it on the page, it was an animated .gif and many notes would move out of the speaker. Now it just sits there with that one stupid note and looks really lame. If you or anyone else has something more appropriate and animated, I will be happy to replace it. Thanks for the inquiry Judi and please feel free to click on that sucker any time you feel the urge.

happy(andanoldspeakerhimself)shrink

 

Date: September 8, 2001   

 

Dear Happy,

I really need your help. I have this habit of analyzing every thing I do. I know this is something everybody does, but in my case, I do it all the time - every action, every second. please help me, Happy, coz all this analyzing is driving me crazy, and doesn't let me lead a normal life. Maybe its because one of my parents holds a very important and well-known post, that I tend to keep checking whatever I'm doing and EVERY time. I end up feeling very low because I feel like what I've done wasn't the right thing to do. I'm a pretty spontaneous person, and I often do or say something impulsively. When I tried to think twice before doing anything, I find I think forever and end up not doing or saying anything (which leaves me even more depressed ). I don't have any person I can turn to (and trust) and voice my deep insecurities. Waiting for your advice....

isdatme.

Dear isdatme,

It must be very hard trying to have a normal life and at the same time feel the need to be "perfect." Having a "high profile" parent doesn't make things any easier. What most people in your situation do is speak to a very close friend or person they can trust about how they feel. Being reassured by someone you trust is the key to feeling good about yourself and not worrying about every mistake you make. The fact that you don't have someone who you can do this with is your main problem isdatme.

I strongly suggest you seek counseling so you can share your feelings with someone who will hold them in confidence. It may take time to trust a counselor or therapist, but over time, it can give you the support and reassurance you need to feel good about yourself and be less critical. 

Let me tell you something about you as well as your parents. You are not perfect isdatme and neither are they. Part of growing up is making mistakes and hopefully learning from them. Part of being an adult it doing the same thing. Being a good parent is understanding that your kids are not perfect and they need your guidance and support. They need it even more when they make mistakes. Talk to your parents about how you feel and ask them to get you the help you need. Please feel free to write me again.

happy(mistakes,Imadeafew,butthenagain,toofewtomention)shrink

 

 

Date: September 7, 2001   

Dear Happyshrink,

I am a 32 year old married woman. I've been going to therapy with a psychologist for about one year. I was/am suffering from depression and anxiety/panic attacks. I have gone through depression counseling once before, about 6 years ago, with two other male therapists. 

Anyway--here's my problem--I have a huge crush on my psychologist. I know all about the transference thing. I can't identify who I might be transferring to him. I just genuinely think I like him. And the counter-transference thing...I think he might honestly like me. I didn't have a crush on my former therapists, so I don't think this crush is just my pattern with male therapists. However, I am an attractive woman, and I think one of my former therapists did have a crush on me.

I've been trying to ignore it my infatuation with my current therapist, but I can't anymore. My therapy has been going well and I do not want to jeopardize how well things are going. I think, however, that it is important to tell him.

What is considered "best" from a professional standpoint?

CS

Dear CS,

You have every right to talk about your attraction to your therapist in therapy. I won't speculate what these feelings mean but it is certainly something worthwhile exploring. Your therapist should be able to help you examine these feelings and understand where they might be coming from. The feelings you are describing are not uncommon and the transference isn't necessarily the "father you never had" or the "unrequited love in your life." Male therapists tend to be good listeners, good communicators, empathetic and insightful. These are not traits that most men possess and when you are sharing your intimate feelings with someone like that, it's not surprising that strong feelings may arise. 

A good therapist will help direct those feelings appropriately. If there is counter transference that the therapist feels he may be having problems with, he could seek clinical supervision in and in some cases, terminate the therapy before any unethical behavior occurs. That is what is considered best from a professional standpoint. Here's what can be considered worst from a professional standpoint:

Can things get out of hand? Yes. Can you therapist handle it unprofessionally? Yes. Can it get both of you in trouble? Yes. Can your treatment be jeopardized? Yes. Can your marriage be jeopardized? Yes. Those are the dangers CS. All I can tell you beyond these warnings is that I hope you and your therapist handle this in the best possible way. Good luck and let me know what happens.

happy(therapistsarehumantoo)shrink

 

Dear Happy,

I just want to know one thing.   Why is it that all the Shrinks take vacation in August, around the same two or three weeks?  Is it a secret society thing where you all get together and do God knows what?  Besides you, all three of the other therapists that I see went on vacation.  Do you have any idea how scary that is when your entire support system goes out of town, or is not available?  Well, as you can see I did survive the ordeal, and found out in the process that life does go on without your shrink.  That was cool. Hope you are settled, finished worrying, and starting to enjoy a wonderful new life in a new place with a special person. Love to you Happy, and to your family. Glad you're back

Methos    

Dear Methos,

It's great to be back even though my August was not much of a vacation. I don't have a definitive answer as to why therapists take their vacations in August. There are a lot of symposiums and conferences (AKA tax deductible vacations) that go on during that time period. Places like Martha's Vineyard and Nantucket are popular vacation spots for therapists. If there are secret societies, I might be considered a social outcast because I've never been invited to any of them. Frankly, I prefer the Jersey Shore. The got the best French fries and caramel corn there. 

happy(whoneedsasecretsocietyanywaywhenIhaveTuesdaynightchat)shrink

 

Date: September 6, 2001   

Dear Happy Shrink,

I've been dating this guy for awhile. He is very depressed and is pushing me away. I know he is doing this because he is scared of a relationship. He had a  very rough divorce where is ex left him for another man. I care very deeply for this man and I don't know how to let him know that I wouldn't hurt him and want to be there for him. Very confused and sad.

Michelle

Dear Michelle,

I don't know how long your boyfriend has been divorced. If it was a short time ago, he may still need time to heal before he is ready to get close to anyone again. No matter how reassuring you try to be, you can't guarantee that your relationship will last. No one can. Every new relationship has risk and your boyfriend knows that all too well.

All you can do Michelle is continue to be supportive and caring. If he is unable to move on from his divorce after a reasonable amount of time, you have to consider moving on with your life. For any relationship to be successful, both individuals need to want the same things and be ready to make a commitment. I hope this works out for you. Please feel free to write me again and let me know what is happening.

happy(knowsthatrelationshipsareriskybusiness)shrink

 

Dear Happy,

This Labor Day, me and Bubba decided to do what y'all northerners do and go swimming. We felt like real high class people like you and JeWitch. Here's a picture of Bubba doing the backstroke.

Edna

Dear Edna,

Tell Bubba that if he wants to do a good backstroke, he must keep his legs closer together. 

happy(wonderingwherebubbawenttothebathroomonlaborday)shrink

 

Date: September 5, 2001   

DEAR HAPPYSHRINK,

I'M 13 AND I'M THINKING I'M GAY, BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE' FOR INSTANCE MY MOM SAYS ITS HORMONES AND I'M ABOUT TO START MY PERIOD SHE ASKED ME WOULD I KISS A GIRL AND I SAID I DON'T KNOW... I MEAN MY MIND DIDN'T EVEN SAY NO, SHE KEEPS TELLING ME THAT HORMONES ARE MAKING ME THINK FEEL AND SAY DIFFERENT THINGS BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE GAY ..... BY THE WAY I'M A GIRL CAN YOU HELP ME DECIDE IF I AM ..... I DON'T WANT TO BE AND ITS MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE

W/B

Dear W/B,

At age 13 boys and girls have all kinds of feelings, urges and attractions. Your sexuality is still developing W/B. Hormones may make your moods change and even make you anxious at times. Your worries about your sexuality may just be one of those things that enters your mind and doesn't seem to want to leave. This is a difficult time for you W/B but you like your friends will get through it. You sexual identity will develop as you get older and right now I would try not to worry about the direction it will take. Things will work out. Good luck.

happy(hashisownhormonestodealwith)shrink

 

 

Date: September 4, 2001   

Dear happy,

I am having a couple of problems with my marriage ,one is that my wife rarely shows me an kind of affection. In the past i have made a couple of mistakes ex. talking to other woman on the phone ,fantasizing about other women and almost coming close to having sex with one. My wife fels that she can't trust me and sometimes i really see why she doesn't. If she only knew the number of women I've turned down for sex she would flip. whenever my wife and i have sex it is like were a scene out of a play or skit .She never comes on to me and she always says that I only want to have sex and she wants to feel like more than just a piece of meat. Dr. I have tried almost every avenue except counseling. She always says that one of us will reach the point where they can't take it any more .I think I've reach this point. I try so hard to show my affection but, she is just not feeling it. I told her the reason our marriage is not working is because we have too many negative people around us. Dr. I am a very hurt man right about now and I feel like my only option to happiness would be to divorce her. I tell her all the time I LOVE YOU and she never tells me. She says it is understood. I have put my life on hold putting this women through law school and I feel like she doesn't appreciate any thing I do for her.

L

Dear L,

I'm not sure what advice you are ask me for. If you want to divorce your wife, that's your decision. If you want to try and save your marriage through counseling, then that is an option that you and your wife should explore. Right now you are in touch with how hurt you feel. I'm not sure you are as in touch with your anger and resentment. Telling your wife that you love her when you have all these angry feelings does not necessary demonstrate love and affection. You wife may not express her love in words, but that doesn't mean she is less giving than you. Right now you both sound like you are withholding and distant.

Rather than try and find the "guilty" party here, I think you and your wife need to explore whether the two of you can build a life together. If the answer is yes, then you both need to find ways of satisfying the needs of the other. If the answer is no, then you have to find a way of ending the relationship in a way that is respectful, fair and leaves each of you whole enough to begin a new life.

My suggestion is for you to seek marriage counseling and allow this process to occur. Your situation won't get any better while the two of you do nothing to change it. It will only get worse and your resentment will continue to build. Get the help you need now L. I can only point you in the right direction here but you and your wife need to do the work. Please feel free to contact me again.

happy(sharingalifetogetherisnevereasy)shrink

 

 

Date: September 3, 2001   Thank God it's Labor Day!

Dear Happyshrink,

 

Date: September 2, 2001   

 

Dear ocdnet angel,

I think that sometimes the hardest thing in the world is to do the right thing for your kids. This is not easy for him or you. Knowing that he's not ready to come home is an important understanding on your part. If you didn't feel guilty or ambivalent I would worry more about you ocdnetangel. Hopefully, he will eventually understand what he needs to do to live a good and healthy life. He's not the only kid that's struggling with these issues. It may be worse for him than some but every kid is struggling to find themselves when they are in their teen years.

You are a good mom ocdnetangel and you are doing your best. That's all you can do. I hope by the time that I have answered this letter things will have gotten better. Please let me know.

happy(doinghisbest)shrink

 

Dear Judiblueye,

Maybe if you hit a big bingo jackpot you won't need a therapist anymore. Glad to be back and writing to you again. Don't forget Tuesday night chat.

happy(B-5 I-19 N-41 G-57 O-71)shrink

 

Date: September 1, 2001   

Dear Happy

Everything was going so well, but over the last 2 weeks I've been getting more and more depressed. I'm apathetic and desperately unhappy. I'm currently under a lot of pressure at work and home life is strained due to financial concerns, but those are not out of the ordinary and up until recently I've been coping. It feels like I'm headed for a major crash and I don't know how to avert it. The other thing is as much as I sleep, I'm always tired. Please help...

Regards

Shez

Dear Shez,

If you haven't already, report these symptoms to your psychiatrist. Perhaps he can temporarily prescribe an anti-depressant. Also think of ways to cut back on stressful activities. Can you take some time off from work? Even one day a week for the next couple of weeks may help just a little. Diet may also help. Cut down on sugar during the day. That can zap you of energy. If you do need to snack, try things high in fiber.

Other than that Shez, I can only tell you to hold on to that duvet and hope for the best. Please keep me informed. Sorry for the delay in responding.

happy(doesn'tgoanywherewithoutasecurityblanket)shrink

 

Dear Happy,

Tell ... that if it is the thumb and forefinger half of his hands that are numb, it sounds like carpal tunnel syndrome. He could try wearing wrist splints at night, and avoid prolonged wrist flexion/ extension. Other than that, he sounds like me. You have a potential for a business here, Happy...computer dating service for the depressed people. Oh yeah, I forgot, not even a depressed person wants to date another depressed person. It was a thought. Maybe my pharmacist is dumping half of the tiny time pills out of my effexor and repackaging them to boost his profits...

Sincerely,

Judiblueye

Dear Judi,

Thanks for the advice to .... As for being short changed by your pharmacist, just be glad you are battling depression and not cancer. Enough cheerful thoughts for today. 

happy(Judimakesmelaughevenwhenshe'sdepressed)shrink

 

Dear cnot,

I read Gind your letter and her response to me was, "Where can I git me some of them tasty snails?" Never had her pegged for a gourmet did you?

happy(willsticktodonutsandcoffee)shrink