Postings from June 16-30, 2001
Date: June 30, 2001
Dear Happy Once again it has been a long time. Up until now my access to the Internet has been erratic. Things are going well and my medication seems to keep me on track. The last year has been really hard and I have had several major changes in my life. Stuff that would have found me seeking asylum in the nearest hospital in the past, but I've coped, sometimes only barely :) but I survived and think I have become stronger for it. I have a permanent job now and it seems to be going well. The only problem is a form of anxiety. Now that things are turning around I have become almost paranoid that everything is going to fall down around my ears again. For example I worry a LOT about my job and any tiny mistake makes me think they're going to fire me. Of course the problem is that the more panic stricken I become, the more mistakes I make. I don't know what to do about this, and I can't increase the dosage of my medication because then I can't concentrate and I get drowsy. Help please... BTW I still have my duvet but I am finding I can't spend the rest of my life hiding under it.:) Enough complaints from me. I hope everyone has a lovely weekend. Regards Shez Dear Shez, It's always great to hear from you. I am glad you are developing the strength and stamina to keep fighting. It is not surprising that you experience anxiety and worry about losing your job. You can't ignore your past even though you have come a long way. I don't know how much this will help but I always like to use affirmations to overcome anxiety and fear. Here are a few of them: I don't have to be perfect; just damn good. --happyshrink
It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it. -- Sam Levenson
I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks. -- Joe E. Lewis
Humility is no substitute for a good personality. -- Fran Lebowitz
God will pardon me. It's His business. -- Heinrich Heine
Those are some of the thoughts that get me through the day Shez. I hope they do the same for you.
happy(notafraidtomakemistakes)shrink
Happy, Southern Word Of The Week! HOLT (verb) Past tense of the infinitive "to hold." Usage: "Bubba, grab a holt of the pscrip and hang on!" ...........Holt on tayt!?......... JeWitch Dear JeWitch,
You are very lucky that most of your dear friends are too stupid to know that you are making fun of them.
happy(gettingmorestupideachday)shrink
Date: June 29, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, Lately I've been feeling very shy. I
have recently started avoiding SA Dear SA, Mood changes can be caused by many things. Hormonal changes in your body can cause you to feel shy and even depressed at times. If there is some kind of stress going on in your life, that can also precipitate a mood change. I suggest you get a medical exam to rule out any physical causes for you behaviors and feelings. If there is no apparent physical reason, I would then look at what is going on with yourself, your friends and your family. Are there situations that might be considered stressful? If there are, please write me back and talk to me about them. This could be the cause of your symptoms. Good luck SA and please let me know what you come up with. happy(aclosetshyperson)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Did you hear? I broke my arm! And it's all that JeWitch's fault too! As usual, it's a story worth hearing and a story worth telling. Here's what happened: Me and Gilbert was watching the TV the other night and I decided to just go have a little look-see over at JeWitch's house during the commercial break. JeWitch and her man friend was standing in her kitchen and they looked like they were having some kind of argument. He had just walked in the door so it was the perfect opportunity for me to make use of my new blind. From there, I can see right into her kitchen and since she never closes her windows, I can hear real good from there too. So up I climbed and sat down to wait for the fireworks to start. Wished I had popcorn. Says her man friend "So, JeWitch, you notice anything new about me tonight?" and she looks at him and just kinda shrugs and says "nope." He looked a little miffed and then took off his shirt - nice tan! Then he says "Honey, you notice anything yet? Look real carefully and tell me if you see anything at all - anything new at all" I didn't get it either - all the time he was talking to her he was looking at the floor. That's no way to have a conversation! So she comes over and picks through his hair like some kind of baboon, then looks at his back, turns him around and looks at his front and says "I don't see anything. Why don't you just TELL ME?!" He stomped out of the room and came back in and darned if he wasn't naked as a jaybird! Except he had these cowboy boots on. JeWitch looks at him and says "I don't see a damn thing! It's hanging down today just like it hung down YESTERDAY and I'm sure it'll be hanging down TOMORROW AS WELL!!" He looked FURIOUS! He yells at her "Do you know WHY, HONEY, it's hanging down? Cause it's looking at my BRAND NEW COWBOY BOOTS!!" JeWitch looked down at the boots and shook her head and says "Shoulda bought a hat, honey....shoulda bought a hat." I laughed so hard I fell out of the blind and broke my arm. And that's what happened. Sincerely, Mildred Thigpen Dear Mildred, I hope your arm heals quickly. Perhaps JeWitch's man friend didn't buy a hat because he didn't have a place to hang it. happy(neverlikestobekepthanging)shrink
Date: June 28, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, Last week I went to my doctor for my annual "female" check up. Unfortunately, my regular doctor was ill and had her nurse practitioner there. I didn't really want to reschedule so I just went through with it. Although the nurse practitioner was very professional and pleasant, I found that I felt uncomfortable and unhappy by the time I left. I am somewhat angered that my doctor's office chose to pull a fast one on me and not tell me that my doctor would be out. I also feel that by doing this, they removed my right to chose who I wanted to be part of something that is very personal and intimate. I also can't help but feel very silly for being so upset when actually it wasn't horrible. I feel a little stuck right now on the subject. Any suggestions for how to get away from this? Surprised patient Dear Surprised patient, While I think highly of nurse practitioners, your doctor or the receptionist should have contacted you prior to your appointment and given you the option of rescheduling. The issue of the nurse practitioner's competence is not in question here. The relationship between you and your doctor is. I would call you doctor and express your feelings about what happened. I would like you to consider that nurse practitioners will be taking on a greater role in the new world of managed care. This is a good thing and not a bad thing. Studies have shown that nurse practitioners spend more time with patients, answer questions better and have excellent performance ratings. If there is something that needs the attention of a physician, they will make sure that you see a doctor. I am not a big fan of managed care, Surprised patient but I do think that nurse practitioners will lessen the workload of doctors and provide a higher level of care in the long run. I hope this helps resolve the feelings you have about what happened. happy(wouldratherseeanursethanadoctor)shrink
Happyshrink, Been up most of the night working on, what I think to be, the GREATEST INVENTION IN THE WORLD .. THANK GOD FOR COFFEE. When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Once someone came up with the idea to strap giant slabs of hot buttered toast to the backs of a hundred tethered cats to see what would happen. WELL .... I've looked into this idea a little further ...... The two opposing forces will cause the cats to hover, spinning inches above the ground. Using the giant buttered toast/cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Orlando. SEE YOU SOON !!!! JeWitch Dear JeWitch, I will pray for your cats. Just don't invite Edna over during your experiments. It might just put her in road kill heaven. happy(whybutterwhenyoucandunk?)shrink
Date: June 27, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, I've been having problems for the past
couple of years. Well the problem My grandfather and I had a wonderful connection. He was my step-grandfather but to me he was my real grandfather. You see my dads real dad wasn't around that much and died in October from being an alcoholic. Well my step-grandfather and I always talked and no one else would find out about what we were talking about. He passed away on April 18. I miss him dearly. During this time I became very depressed and my friends weren't there for me. Same as my boyfriend. People would ask if I was ok and I lied and said I was fine. Well a couple of days after my grandfather died I wanted my boyfriend to be there with me. He declined and said he had better things to do which was riding his bike. I feel like no one is here for me, not even my best friend. She's been talking to my ex since he hates me and calls me a compulsive liar. I feel like since all deaths have been in
my life that I've missed out on my childhood because now I'm depressed.
I don't know what to do. I miss my ex but he tells everyone I'm
a liar. Even my best friend doesn't even call me anymore. i
don't know what to do. I hope with all this information that I've
given you; maybe you can help me. Why is he doing this, why aren't
my friends talking to me, do I need help? What should I do and how can I
cope. I am not lying this is the truth and I need your help AD Dear AD, I think that you do need help to get over the grief from the death of your grandfather. It sounds like he was a very special person in your life and perhaps the reason why no one seems to understand your depression is because there was a secret bond between the two of you. Your friends probably don't understand your feelings about your grandfather and can not give you the support you need. You have also told them that you were OK and they probably assume that you don't need their support. Your parents have been dealing with their own grief and sometimes that makes it hard to recognize what you are going through. The only way you can get the help you need is to tell your parents how you feel. Ask them if you can meet with a counselor or psychotherapist to work through the grief of your grandfather and all the other losses you have experienced over the past 6 years. If they don't respond in a helpful way, speak to a teacher or counselor at your school. Let your friends know what you are going through too AD. No one can help you unless you reach out. Reaching out to me was a good start. Now work on reaching out to others in your life. Good luck AD and please feel free to write me again. happy(reachingback)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, What is the best thing to do if you break wind in a public place, like a mall? Flatulentia Dear Flatulentia, Stand real close to two people who seem to be together. After one asks the other, "Did you just cut the cheese?" Announce proudly to both of them, "No that was ME!!!" happy(actually,itwasthedogthatfarted)shrink
Date: June 26, 2001
Hi Happyshrink, My boyfriend loves me too much, and so I do him. The biggest problem I have with him is that he always doubts what I say. Whenever there is a misunderstanding, he assumes I'm lying to him. For him, I'm guilty until I prove my innocence, and not the contrary. I can't bear that. What's wrong with him ? I know he loves me too much. Don'tknowhowtodealwithhim Dear Don'tknowhowtodealwithhim, You are not describing someone who loves you too much. You are describing someone who needs to possess you. It may seem like love and I am sure the intensity of his passion may be very great, but this is very unhealthy. Such a relationship can lead to emotional and even physical abuse. Mistrust is the beginning stage of abusive relationships. I would strongly suggest that you enter into couples counseling. At least there you can determine if this situation can be fixed. If it can't or if your boyfriend refuses such intervention, it might be best for you to get out of this relationship before it starts to take it's toll. Don't assume that this situation will go away by itself. Even after he apologizes, sends flowers or gifts and vows not to do it again, the cycle will repeat itself. Don't be a victim. Please feel free to write me again. happy(trustmustgohandandhandwithlove)shrink
Happyshrink, If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille. JeWitch Dear JeWitch, I'm sure it would take an infinite number of monkeys sitting at a keyboard a whole lot less time. happy(hearseeandspeaknoevil)shrink
Date: June 25, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, I take Klonopin for anxiety. I take 0.5 mg twice a day. Although I cannot go off of this medicine right now, I am hoping that I will be able to get my anxiety under control enough to do this. I am worried, though, that I might be growing addicted to this medicine. I don't take it at exactly the same time every day and the only thing that I have noticed is that I become more anxious about going out and other things in general, but am not worried about not having this medicine. What would happen if I were to become addicted? Is there another medicine that I could use instead? If I become addicted, will it make my other anxiety worse? Anxious Al Dear Anxious Al, Klonopin is a very effective anti-anxiety medication under the category of Benzodiazepines. It is actually less habit forming than most Benzodiazepines. While it can be habit forming (which is not the same as addictive) you can minimize the risks by not taking more than you are prescribed or taking it for longer periods of time than is prescribed. You should also avoid alcohol while taking this drug. Work closely with your physician on eventually getting off of this medication. You might also look into psychotherapy as a means of finding out the cause of your anxiety and strategies for lessening it behaviorally. Good luck Al and please let me know how things work out. happy(habitformingbutnotaddictive)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Take a few minutes and read these "feel goods". Think about them one at a time BEFORE going on to the
next one.........
JeWitch Dear JeWitch, Whew! I was worried for a moment. While I was reading those feel goods I was saying to myself, "What have you done to the 'real JeWitch?'" happy(bestfeelgoodisreadingaJeWitchletter)shrink
Date: June 24, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, What makes doctors think they know everything? No one else does. Mad Hatter Dear Mad Hatter, Actually, there are a lot of people that think they know everything. I should introduce you to my Uncle Max and he didn't even finish 8th grade. Doctors don't know everything and neither do other professionals. The nature of a profession though is to develop through education and internship the knowledge to be considered an "expert." For some professionals this notion literally goes to their head and they can't imagine that a "non-expert" would have something to contribute to their practice. This is not only true of doctors. I have seen such behavior in teachers, lawyers, caterers, interior decorators, computer techies, etc. Good doctors and good professionals from all disciplines enter into a partnership between patient/client and service provider. They always recognize that there is new learning to be done and the input of their "customers" is crucial. If your doctor is not doing that, find another. happy(doesn'tknowitall..butknowsalot)shrink
Dear Happy, Well like I tol ya, Mary had a reversal of fortune an' yesterday she were tryin' ta cut her own grass with a lawn mower she brung from her fancy house an had stored in her metal shed behind her trailer. Well, she was pullin on the rope and it wouldn't start. I told her My Earl always cusses at our mower an' it starts right up. She sayed, "I would never use bad language, I don't even know any bad words." I tol her, "Youin a be sprized what bad words ya know aftern you pulled on that rope a while." Gind Rinker Dear Gind, I didn't know how many bad words there were until I met JeWitch. And I didn't have to pull on any ropes. All I had to do was say, "hello." happy(hello)shrink
Date: June 23, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, I'm currently taking Paxil at 20mg a day, I read the stories of people who are trying to decrease the mg, (per doctor's advice of course) and tell of the horrible withdrawal symptoms . This info was on the Web-site, there is also a petition signing going on against Smith-Klein, Beecham on this drug. I really would like to get off this someday, by decreasing the dose with the doctor's help of course, but am afraid to go through the symptoms too! Please tell what you think? Thank You Lore Dear Lore, Paxil is considered to be one of the most effective SSRI medications for the treatment of depression and in some cases, panic attacks. It is not uncommon for several people with bad experiences to blame the drug even when it may not be the case. Several years ago, a number of lawsuits were filed by families of people who had committed suicide while on Prozac. The people who committed suicide were being treated for depression and in some cases major depression and even on medication, the risk of suicide can be high. Despite the lack of clinical or statistical evidence that Prozac was somehow responsible for these tragedies, psychiatrists became reluctant to prescribe Prozac for depression. I hope this does not become the case with Paxil because it helps many people. As is the case with all SSRI's, the process of coming off Paxil needs to be monitored closely by a psychiatrist. While there are cases where people have had very difficult times getting off of Paxil, that isn't the majority of cases. One of the problems that psychiatrists face in treating people with psychotropic medications is that people with similar symptoms will react differently to the same medications. Finding the right medication or combination of medications as well as the proper dosage can be more difficult with some patients than with others. Likewise, getting people off of some medications can be more difficult for some people than with others. I do hope that you get off of Paxil someday Lore. I can't tell you if it will be easy or difficult. I can only say that your best chance for a successful outcome is working closely with your psychiatrist. Good luck and let me know how things work out. happy(notaseffectivewithallletterwriterseither)shrink
Happy, I like to eat 'possum. Hit it with the truck, mix it with some collards, and warsh it back with corn squeezin's. SO WHAT !! Yesiree-bob. Them's good eatin'! But before I loose a rebel yell, allow me to explain something for those of you with the sad misfortune of having been born outside the thirteen: people "down south" eat 'possum. We eat squirrels and rabbits and ... and you don't even want to know what goes into chitterlings and head biscuit. But those of us who eat it from a plate tend to look down on those who eat it off the asphalt. Edna Dear Edna, You are such a snob! The asphalt is a hell of a lot cleaner than some of the plates I've seen in your trailer. Maybe you can get Bubba and the kids to was them every once in a while......and not in the septic tank. Ask them to use real running water. happy(thinkI'mgoingtobesick)shrink
Date: June 22, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, I have just graduated from high school and just can't stop thinking that this is it. It's not going to get any better so I may as well just kill myself. I can't think about my future and don't think I will live very long anyway. I'm supposed to go to college in the fall and I have good grades, but I don't feel like doing anything at all. Just sleeping forever. I have tried to tell my parents but they are kind of mad at me right now anyway because I got sort of drunk and did some things on graduation day. Most of the damage has been taken care of but they are kind of mad still so I don't want to tell them about this. My friends are all gone to Europe and I was going to go but they took away my trip because of the graduation thing. Now I'm just going to sit around all summer long and wish that I was not here. I'm not sure what to do right now and was hoping that you might give me a clue. Thanks. clueless Dear clueless, There is a possibility that you are suffering from depression. You need to talk to your parents about this so you can get help. If they aren't listening because they are still mad, you need to talk to your family doctor, a teacher or another adult who can get you the help you need. Your whole life is ahead of you. Don't let the disappointment of not going to Europe ruin the rest of your life. I know things may seem awful right now but it will get better. Good luck and let me know what happens. happy(notgoingtoEuropeeither)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, In Detroit they call White Castle Hamburgers "Murder Burgers". I guess in reference to what they do to the stomach. Here in the Downriver area (The PC name is "Metro Shores", however Downriver seems more apt and certainly is more commonly used.), we call them "Sliders", in reference to what they do when they get a little further along in the digestive system. I was wondering what they call them in the Big Apple, when I read your thought for the day... Sincerely, Judi Dear Judi, I have heard them being called Murder Burgers and sliders in the Big Apple. My favorite term was one we used in Junior High School; "Bellybombs." Call them what you want. They are the best damn fast food around. Almost as good as Edna's roadkill. happy(takingtoomanybitesoutofthebigapple)shrink
Date: June 21, 2001
Dear happyshrink, I have a family history of alcoholism and am worried about having children. I myself do not drink and have never had anything to drink. Does this break the cycle or will my children be prone to alcoholism as well? The Un-drinker Dear Un-drinker, The Mental Health and Alcoholism counseling community have varied opinions on how much of Alcoholism is genetic and how much of it is environmental. I personally tend to lean more towards environmental issues but I do recognize that there is a genetic component as well. The fact that you don't drink will send a good message to your kids but you can't control who their friends are or other things that they will be exposed to while they are growing up. Another important thing that you can do when you have children is talk openly and honestly about your experiences. At an appropriate time, it is important to share with children their family history and let them know how alcoholism impacted on their parents' lives as well as other family members. The bottom line Un-drinker is that there are no guarantees. Providing a nurturing and supportive environment for your children that encourages open communication is what you can do to minimize the risk of substance abuse. The rest is up to them. There are many things to worry about in this day and age when having children. Don't let these issues paralyze you. It's worth the risks. Good luck. happy(noregrets...yet)shrink
Dear Happy, It's really true that a picture is worth a thousand words. This picture depicts the story of my life. JeWitch
Dear JeWitch, So you were the idiot that chose college? Bahahahahahahaha.... happy(doobiedoobiedoo)shrink
Date: June 20, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, I am a 27 year old female middle school teacher who has been referred by her nurse practitioner to a psychiatrist (per my request.) I have been depressed for quite some time, though I have NEVER had thoughts of suicide or harming someone. Recently, I began doing a lot of research on types of depression and believe it is likely that I might have Bipolar II illness or Cyclothymia, probably 3rd generation - hence my request for a referral. However, while waiting for my first appointment, I have become concerned about my legal rights should I become officially diagnosed. I am a single female, who lives alone, and who owns a firearm for home protection. I have read that there is a push for psychiatrists to disclose names of patients diagnosed with "mental illness" to authorities to prevent these persons from owning firearms. Is this done? My depression causes problems in my life, but I do function and have plenty of loved ones whom I talk to for support. I have no desire to harm myself (other than eating a pint of ice cream too frequently! lol.) I'm very concerned about my legal rights should I visit a psychiatrist and about the implications of a mental illness diagnosis. Do psychiatrists lump all mental illness diagnoses together and assume that no one should own a firearm? Is a fairly mild form of these conditions (which based upon my reading, I believe it is mild) considered a "mental illness" in the same context as those requiring hospitalization? Are diagnosed patients "listed" somewhere? I appreciate any light you can shed on this issue. Thanks, LBoot Dear LBoot, Psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, and all other mental health professionals are ethically and legally bound to confidentiality. There are several exceptions to confidentiality though. If you tell a therapist you are suicidal or homicidal, the therapist has an obligation to stop you even if it means breaking confidentiality. If you have abused a child, the therapist is legally obligated to report such actions. If the courts subpoena a therapist's records, they may be required to share information. If your therapist is concerned you are going to harm a specific person even if you have not literally verbalized your intent, they can confidentially warn the person at risk of this possibility without your knowledge. While these instances are not that frequent, they do happen from time to time. Other than the above instances, a therapist can only share information with your approval. When purchasing a firearm, some states require a form to be filled out that may include questions regarding your history of treatment for mental illness. I don't know how such information is used to determine the competence of someone to own and operate a firearm. My guess is that it varies from state to state. Lastly LBoot, there are varying severities of Bipolar II and Cyclothymia. Some individuals suffering from these disorders would be better off not having a firearm in their possession. At this point, it's a personal decision and that decision is still in your hands. I hope this information is helpful. happy(doesnothavegunbutstillgladtoseeyou)shrink
Happy, Some "JeWisdom" Drinking, like so many things, is one of those things that anyone can do, but it takes a bit of practice to do it correctly. You are supposed to monitor your dosage, making sure that you're using just enough to make the people around you tolerable, but not so much that they actually become interesting. If you think the people around you aren't obnoxious, chances are you're the idiot in the crowd, and you need to lay off while they up their own dosage until they can tolerate you, or you'll end up drinking alone - which means that you're either an alcoholic or a complete social idiot. JeWitch Dear JeWitch, Sometimes even when you take the correct dosage, everyone still seems like an annoying idiot. That usually happens when you surround yourself with annoying idiots. So what's the meaning here for you JeWitch? GET A NEW JOB! happy(lovesallhisidiotfriends)shrink
Date: June 19, 2001
Dear Happy, I am writing because I have been married for 3 months and I don't think I'm married to the right man. All of the things that I found endearing about him are gone and there is a person left who I don't know. What would make someone change so suddenly after such a short period of time? We have been together for 5 years and have lived together for 2 of those years. During all that time he has been kind, caring, giving, has had a wonderful sense of humor and been very hard working and honest. We got married as we are expecting our first child in November and wanted to make sure that the baby would be taken care of. Now he is distracted, distant, never laughs and has called in for so many sick days from work that he has been given a written warning for excessive time away. He has a very good job as a computer programmer and very good benefits which we need. I know I said I think I married the wrong man. I also know that all of the things that I just said make it sound like he is stressed about the baby coming. I could live with that. The thing that is different is that he will not acknowledge that anything is wrong. This is someone who always faced things head on and is now angry about everything that is happening, blaming everyone and everything else for what is going on with him. Since I have become pregnant we decided that I would stay home with the baby and since he was making enough to support us all comfortably I didn't need to work. I have wondered in the past couple of weeks if I shouldn't start looking for a job as well. I don't know if he'll be working by November. I am also a computer programmer and we met because we worked for the same company. I know that I can find any number of jobs very easily. What do I do? I am becoming overwhelmed with all the possibilities and I haven't really been forceful with him, instead I have chosen to try to listen and help him. But I am becoming frustrated myself and am starting to feel like my capacity to listen is less and less every day. Please help by making any suggestions that you can. Thank you. Dr Jekyl's wife Dear Dr. Jekyl's wife, Since your husband denies the existence of a problem on his part, I don't think he would be willing to seek help by himself. He might be willing to go to marriage counseling if you press the issue. Beside having a baby, the two of you have invested 5 years of your lives in this relationship. Work together on finding out what's wrong and try to fix it. Working with a marriage counselor might help your husband to acknowledge the changes that have taken place. Perhaps you have changed as well. If this marriage was a mistake, the marriage counseling will help you to come to that conclusion in the least damaging way. That's all I can suggest at this point Jekyl's wife. Good luck and let me know what happens. happy(hopesheneverfindsMr.Hyde)shrink
Happy, I was wandering the streets of Miami beach when a burning bush appeared walking beside me. I asked it where I could get a good drink in this town and it directed me to a bar that had 200 kinds of bourbon! It was miracle! When I looked behind me, I saw there was only one pair of footprints in the sand, and I asked the bush how this could be, whereupon it slapped me and said "I'm a bush. I don't have feet, fuckhead." JeWitch Dear JeWitch, Two billion Judeo-Christians can be thankful that you did not write the Bible. happy(PraisetheLord)shrink
Date: June 18, 2001
Hi Happy, Hope you and the Tuesday night group have all been well. Why is it life can be going OK and all of a sudden life really sucks, even though nothing has changed? For instance, I've never really felt like I belonged anywhere. I like a wide variety of things and few people even seem to share my interest and enthusiasm in learning new stuff all the time. My farming friends can be reluctant about learning new farming methods, and don't even mention computers, the symphony, or ballet to most of them. Most of my computer programming coworkers are uninterested in farming, just a narrow focus in the computers, their families, partying. A few of the 'artsy' types I know give the impression that if it's not the arts, it's not worth talking about. Some of the sports fans I know are just as bad. So, most of the time I just accept that I'm different. I have one really good friend, and while we don't share all the same interests we share the same enjoyment of experiencing new things. Today though, life just got me down. I was excluded from going to lunch today with the rest of my coworkers. One of them invited me yesterday, then this morning most of them cancelled, then another person went around asking everyone but me about going out. So they all went. This isn't a one time occurrence. Life just sucks sometimes. I feel like Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, you know, 'They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games'. Oh well, I'll get over it. cnot(waitingforafoggyChristmasEve Dear cnot, Having many interests can be viewed or utilized in two ways. It can be a means of bonding with many diverse people, or it can be a way of separating yourself from others by being "different." On many levels, it's good to be different. It makes you special, original and complex. On the other hand, others may find your uniqueness to be intimidating, judgmental or odd. I wonder what those people who uninvited you to lunch would say about you cnot? Sometimes feeling different from everyone else is a state of mind one imposes on themselves. Tuesday night chat is an interesting example of that. Many of the people there feel "different," and often express to me (through emails) their feelings that they don't "fit in." Somehow, this group of misfits seemed to provide some very interesting chat and created some very special friendships over the past several years. I guess what I'm saying cnot, is that you shouldn't wait for a foggy Christmas Eve. You need to be pro-active if you want more people in your life. Be willing to accept differences in others and that will enable others to be accepting of you. As far as that one good friend you have, that's better than a lot of people I know. ....and if you ever visit the NYC area, please let me know. You are hereby invited to lunch! happy(Cnotcanguidemysleighanytime)shrink
Dear Happy, I prefer to think that other people have a problem expressing negative emotions. NOT ME!! I'd much rather be known as an obnoxious bitch than someone who's always "quiet and polite" - especially when you consider that you usually hear people call someone "quiet" and "polite" right after they've marched into a day care center with a pick-axe. So the next time someone like me spits in your drink or tosses a lit cigarette down your collar, try to be a little more understanding. JeWitch Dear JeWitch, Would you like to have lunch with cno...... Never mind. happy(somepeoplearejusttoodifferent)shrink
Date: June 17, 2001
Happy Father's Day
Dear Happyshrink, I never planned to have children. I like kids but the idea of birth and crying poopy babies has never been as important to me as it is to some of my friends. Now I find I'm pregnant. I'm in a fairly new relationship after the break up of a long term one in which I avoided getting pregnant. The father is over the moon. The problem is how do I tell one of my best friends? The person who's computer I'm typing this on is a little envious because they can't have kids, but that's nothing to how this other friend will react. She and her husband have been trying to have kids for years and medical science doesn't seem able to help. I don't think she will cope well with someone who doesn't really want one having one, when she so desperately wants one and can't. How do you think is the best way to tell her and avoid hurting her too much? I really don't want her to just find out. She is a good friend and I feel I should be the one to tell her. Thanks for your help. friend Dear friend, I think you have bigger fish to fry than talking to your friend about your having a baby. I am struck by your indifference to bringing a child into the world. You are in a new relationship with someone who may or may not be the right person for you. Now you also have a baby coming. What about you? Do you want to raise this baby? Can you give the baby the love and good parenting that a child needs? How are you going to deal with this new relationship that you might be permanently connected to by the virtue of this baby? Or, are you considering abortion or adoption? These are the issues you need to deal with first, friend. Don't use the issue of "What will my friends think?" as the basis for making these important decisions. This is important enough an issue to seek professional help with. Don't hesitate to do this and please feel free to write me again. happy(fryhisownfish)shrink
Dear Happy, I just want you to see the first picture of me and Bubba's grandson getting potty trained. He's a really cutie, not like that alien that Gind and Earl brought into the world.
Edna Dear Edna, So that's where my Playboy ended up. Next time I visit, I'll have to put it in a safer place than my locked car trunk. Thank God he didn't take the set of National Geographics that I have borrowed from Reverend Al. happy(forresearchpurposesonly)shrink
Date: June 16, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, I've been under a lot of stress lately, mostly from my job, but I am looking for a different job to remedy that. My boyfriend, whom I do not live with yet, is also looking for a change of employment. I live with my 80 year old grandmother and he lives with his parents. The problem is that he's been offered the possibility of a good paying job in a city 70 miles from where we are. He has asked me my thoughts on moving in together ahead of schedule and moving to this city. I told him that I can't move that far away. I need to be here for my grandmother. I told him that I was sorry, but I just can't go. He said that he understood and wants to do what's right for the both of us. He doesn't seem too bothered by having turned down the interview. Yesterday my brother called and said that I should have agreed to go because there will come a time that my boyfriend will throw it up to me that he turned down a good paying job for me. But who will be there for my grandmother? I know that I don't want to be too far away from her as I take her out and do many things for her. But I don't want my boyfriend to resent me. I told him that if he really wanted the job, he can go and take the job, but I can't go. I'm so confused and upset. I feel like I'm being pulled in half. Any advice? Indigo Dear Indigo, There is no easy answer to this one. If I am to assume that your grandmother means a lot to you and is in need of your assistance, then you made the right choice for you. If your boyfriend is the right partner for you, he will understand your commitment to her and it will not be the source of future conflict. I don't know your brother but it sounds like he's got his own baggage to work through. I do recommend that you sit down and talk to your boyfriend about this further. Express to him your fears and see what he says. I hope he says the right thing Indigo. Please let me know what happens. happy(triestosaytherightthingstoo)shrink
Dear Happy, I haven't sent you any poetry lately so here is something that I think you'll like: The
Moods of a Woman Jewitch Dear JeWitch, I'm way too tired to respond to you. I'm going to look at my copy of Penthouse and take a nap. happy(inthemood)shrink
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