Postings from May 1 -15, 2001

Date: May 15, 2001 

Hello Happyshrink,

I would like to know what causes people to rock themselves to sleep?
Does it has anything to do with being sexually abused? Thank you.

SW

Dear SW,

All infants like being rocked to sleep. Mothers and fathers have been rocking their babies for thousands of years. When a child or adult begins to rock themselves, it is an indication of regression to infantile behaviors. This can be brought about by stress or a variety of mental illnesses. If this is a common occurrence it could be an indication of a serious mental illness such as schizophrenia. You also might find this behavior in autistic children and other developmental disabilities. It can also be a result of trauma such as physical and sexual abuse. 

Even healthy people under stress may find themselves rocking back and forth as a way of relieving tension. I don't know too many people who don't find it relaxing to rock in a rocking chair. Other examples of calming or soothing behavior are thumb sucking and curling up into a ball (assuming a fetal like position). So all you can really determine from observing someone rocking back and forth is that they are experiencing some kind of distress or tension. What is causing it can be many things. Don't jump to any conclusions.

happy(rockingmorebutenjoyingitlessthesedays)shrink

 

 

Date: May 14, 2001 

I don't know of any clinical term to describe this phenomenon. I also don't think that your friend needs a sound doctor. She may need a therapist though. Sounds can be triggers for past memories. I wonder if you friend might have some history of early sexual abuse that may have been repressed. If that is the case and even if it isn't the case, the best thing you can do to help your friend is suggest she see a therapist. In therapy, she can examine her past and see if that holds the key to this condition. Even if it's just some phenomenon that is not related to an early trauma, therapy can help her adapt to it and even desensitize her to those sounds if that's what she wants to do. Be a really good friend and help her to get the right kind of help Sound Doctor. Let me know if there are any further developments.

happy(againstpracticingwithoutalicense)shrink

 

Date: May 13, 2001 

Dear Happy:

Thanks for your response to my letter of May 2nd. Well I have asked my girlfriend about why she tears up everything she eats and she says it is because she doesn't want to eat it. But the thing I don't get is why it is such a vicious attack. It doesn't bother me really but I just wonder what makes her do it. I really think it is the weight thing. She looks great though and just bought a new bikini for the summer, "WOW".

Anyway, maybe I just don't realize the pain and suffering a lady will go through to look great on the beach since what ever she is doing seems to be working. The fact that I know of another lady that does the same thing makes me believe this is somewhat common. As for my bad habits, I am sure I am blissfully ignorant although I am also sure I have my own.

I continue to assure her that I love her dearly and the weight thing isn't even an issue. She is the kindest lady I have ever met and I can't do enough for her. We continue to save money together for a house and plan to be married as soon as we have the money to do the wedding she deserves. Her niece is overjoyed and is already picking out the music for the wedding.

Thanks for your help.

John.

Dear John,

We live in a society where a lot of emphasis is placed on "thin." Self esteem is often acquired because of how we look rather than how we act. It's nice that your girlfriend looks great in a bikini, but try to keep reminding her that her most important asset to you is her kindness and compassion. Perhaps someday the weight won't be that big an issue. Good luck John.

happy(assetsstilloutweighdebits)shrink 

 

Dear Happyshrink,

Thank you for responding to my question about Epstein-Barr. The Dr that is treating her was also diagnosed with this 15 years ago. So far he is treating her with Prozac. We are also trying Revival soy on our own and multivitamins. He wants her to also see a therapist to try to help with the severe depression. I feel so bad for her, as college is coming in the fall and she is scared that everything she has hoped on doing is being squashed. What are some of the new things you see coming up? Once you have this, I am assuming a vaccine will do you no good. Thanks for your help

J

Dear J,

I am not up on all the research being done for Epstein-Barr but I know that as time goes by, there will be new treatments for both reducing symptoms as well as destroying the virus. The most important thing that you can do for your daughter now is what you are already doing. Your support and validation is as critical as any medication, diet or treatment she may receive. Good luck.

happy(everyoneneedsupportandvalidation)shrink

 

A Mother's Day Poem by JeWitch:

 

Date: May 12, 2001 

Dear Happyshrink,

I keep having anger outburst and mood swings, depression, I notice that sometimes I'm fine, There's not a regular pattern but I can be fine for up to 2 weeks out of the month, then I'll be moody, then feel shitty about myself, worry, then have anger outburst, I seem to be getting worse the older I have got especially since I went on the pill injection, so I came off that, symptoms still here though. I have read up on pms, but most of them say that its only 1 week before your period that you have the symptoms of PMS, so I'm not sure if I suffer from this, I have spoken to a doctor in length was put on anti depressions called lustrual I think, but I took myself off them as I didn't notice much improvement a little but not enough to stay on them because of side effects, I really need help, my doctors don't tell me what's wrong with, one said it was stress, from my break-up from my ex, but I suffered when I was with him. I have had counseling and medication. Am I suffering from stress or PMS, what is it, or do I have depression? Like I said, I took tablets for 8 months with no great improvement, I need some help, because it's causing strain in my relationship to the point where we break up, my kids get yelled at, I feel so tired all the time, (I have had blood tests for this because my hair is falling out, they all came back negative), I'm overweight, I just feel like I cant take control of myself at all. please please give me some advice. Thank you

Jane

Dear Jane,

Your condition can be caused by many things including PMS, stress, anxiety disorders, mood disorders, depression and bipolar disorders. I have never heard of the drug you are taking and have not found it in any of my drug references. Perhaps the spelling is wrong or it is a name brand outside of the US. While you have been to medical doctors who have prescribed medication, I really think you need to be evaluated by a psychiatrist. Psychiatrists are trained to take into account both medical as well as emotional factors in coming up with a diagnosis. The psychiatrist will be able to tell you what you are suffering from and develop a treatment plan that will suit your personal needs. I know this must be very frustrating for you, but the faster you take action and be evaluated properly, the quicker you will get the help you need. Please let me know what the psychiatrist says and what treatment he/she prescribes.

happy(ifJanegetsthehelpsheneeds)shrink

 

 

Date: May 11, 2001 

Dear Happyshrink,

I have been on a regimen of Prozac and Xanax. My Dr. says he would like to put me on Paxil, but I would have to stop the Xanax. Since Prozac and Paxil are both SSRI's, why can I not take my Xanax with the Paxil? I have depression AND anxiety attacks, and the Xanax helps with those. Is he just misinformed, or am I REALLY nuts? LOL I have a drug book, and I really like to stay informed about my meds, but I can find no reason for this. However, He is a nice man, and I do not want to piss him off. Need some extra input. Thank you, 

R***

Dear R***,

While Paxil and Prozac are both SSRI's used to treat depression, Paxil is also used for people who have anxiety or panic attacks. Xanax is a benzodiazepine which is highly addictive and should not be taken for prolonged periods of time. If you don't think there is a problem with addiction, just listen to your own words, "my Xanax." I think that your doctor is less worried about the interactions between Xanax and Paxil as he is about getting you off Xanax, a controlled substance that can easily be abused. If I had to guess, he will eventually wean you off the Prozac as well.

Keep in mind that my explanation for your psychiatrist's plan is merely speculation. I am not familiar with your medical history or psychiatric condition. I would suggest you speak to your psychiatrist and get his explanation. Let me know if it matches mine.

happy(sometimeslessmedsarebetter)shrink

 

 

Date: May 10, 2001 

Dear Happyshrink,

I just wanted to share with you that over the last 2 years two ex-boyfriends were able to contact me over the Internet. I am married, with 3 children and a beautiful steady life, but I found it difficult to deal with the temptation to have a "cyber" relationship with those guys I once loved. On their part I also realized they were trying to fill some type of void in their lives by getting back in my life, even under the pretenses of a healthy, safe friendship.

I thank God for giving me the courage and wisdom to ask them both to stop writing to me, because it was disruptive to my life, and they were both understanding and completely left me alone, back in peace. But I can see where other people would "go with the flow" and let things like that come between them and their spouses and even end up in divorce. I can only hope that your advice to people in similar situations is to cut off any of that sort of communications.

Love your fun attitude!

Edith

Dear Edith,

Good for you! While I have reconnected with many old friends through the Internet, there are many people who I would rather not see or speak to again. If your marriage is an accident waiting to happen, the Internet can certainly be the vehicle. If you are a needy and dysfunctional person looking to fill voids you can find  people on the net to victimize . There is much fun and rewards in cyberspace but there are also dangers. I'm glad you shared your experience Edith. It just may help other people to not "go with the flow" when it's better to stay out of the water.

happy(swimmingupstreamontheInternet)shrink

 

Dear JeWitch,

That explains why WindNWillows loves to do my laundry.

happy(geemyunderwearfeelssoft)shrink

 

Date: May 9, 2001 

 

Dear Happyshrink,

I read the article that you made a link to about BPD and found it very enlightening. I had believed up until reading the article that the reason for my BPD was linked directly to some early childhood trauma. I hadn't realized that it could have very well been because of the environment in which I was raised (I think it was called an invalidating environment) as well as my subsequent marriage. I also realized from reading the article just how far I have come from my "bad days" many years ago. My question to you is why do people have fewer symptoms as they get older? Do we mellow with age or do we just get tired of all the borderline behavior? I didn't really ascertain that there was a specific reason from the article and hoped that you might help fill things in a bit for me and others who have BPD. Many thanks.

Recovering BPD

Dear Recovering BPD,

I have never read an explanation for why BPD symptoms seem to lessen with age. I would speculate that some people who suffer from BPD find validating environments that enable them to get better. Others may grow tired of wild and dysfunctional relationships. There are also some people whose symptoms don't lessen over time. Thank you for your kind words.

happy(hissymptomshavelessenedovertime)shrink

 

 

Date: May 8, 2001 

Dear Happy,

I hope you remember me, my name is Jon and I wrote to you on November 21st 2000 about 2 dreams involving a girl named Denise. Well I took some of your advice, and I began to move on... and do you know what happened? Denise and I became friends... but more-so then ever before... we're now practically inseparable... and we are dating as well... Life has all started to fall into place for me. My band is doing well... I'm now in love again... and I'm doing well in school again. You are part of the reason for this as well... however I now encounter another dilemma. 

This one much more painful for me to think about. My 8 year old little sister goes to day-care on Wednesdays after school... and recently she has been playing with a 13 year old boy named D****, we knew from the start that this was trouble, so we told her not to let him touch her or anything like that. And for a while all seemed well... but just today we learned he has been touching her and her friends. To me it is disgusting to think something like that happening to my sister.

What would compel someone to do something like that? and the reason I tell you, is because we don't know what to do about the situation... do we press charges (Which does nothing to help my sister), or talk to his parents (Of which we tried), or should I beat a lesson into the little snot nosed piece of...$%&*#. I'll use that one as a last resort... or not at all... but I need to know what we should do... any response is greatly appreciated. Thanks

-Jon

PS... don't think me depressed again... I'm actually very happy with my life... I'm just worried for my sister.

Dear Jon,

I am very glad that things seem to be going well for you. I can certainly understand your anger at what happened to your little sister. I would caution you not to take the law into your own hands so that you don't end up in jail and become another victim of this 13 year old boy. He is obviously very troubled. Boys his age do go though a difficult phase. Puberty makes all young boys a bit crazy but most of them can control their impulses and not victimize young girls. 

The first thing you need to do is help your sister. You and your parents need to make sure that she doesn't have any further contact with this boy. I would also suggest that she see a child therapist so that if there is any trauma associated with her abuse, it can be dealt with now and not when she's older and the symptoms are more severe.

I would contact the police and make them aware of this boy's activities. Given his age, it is unlikely he will go to jail but it may prevent another young girl from becoming a victim. In most cases, the courts order treatment and not punishment.  At age thirteen, there is a good chance that if he gets some help, he can learn to control himself and understand that what he did really hurt these girls. Even this boy needs an opportunity to turn his life around. Good luck Jon and let me know how things work out.

happy(turninghislifeupsidedownattimes)shrink

 

Dear happy,

Well, sho-nuff, whilst you was soakin up the sun, this baby pushed its way out. I got an awful cramp while cookin greens. Thought it was gas from the jerky. Called to Momma washin' clothes back the trailer, and she said it couldn't be the baby cuz it was still early. She said I should sit a spell and have a cigarette, but that didn't help none. When I broke water all over the kitchen floor, Momma told me to go squat over the edge o the tub. Ha! next biggggggg! cramp, out she popped. It's a girl. She has 6 toes and is real little. Member that Marilyn Monroe, she had 6 toes. It's a sign. This little girl is gonna be beeuteeful like a movie star.

My Earl was wonderin' how a manly man like him could have a girl. He was just bepuzzled fer a while and then he decided he could make her the top 6 toed woman wrassler in the world. Now here is the puzzlin part that we could use a little smart shrink brain help with. When you pick a name fer a baby, you has a lot to consider, cuz how it can affect her future. First idea was Marilyn, fer the six toes and all. Then My Earl says that won't put no fear in a wrasslin' opponents head and wrasslin' is a lot in the head , he says. And he says Marilyn is too long fer a tattoo. He thinks Bonny, fer Bonnie and Clyde, is shorter and scarier. Snake says it should be Coral, bein shorter and fer Coral Snake. He got a point thar. Dui says he loves Ripple or Chablis. Cousin Thelma wants Emily fer some libarry book person (bet she weren't no wrassler) and Momma thinks Francine after Great gramma, gun toten Francine. Jewitch says Virginia fer Virginia Slims and Edna says she dun run otta names tryin' ta name her own. Airborne says he don't give a rats. Mary says ta name it after her. Jewitch slammed the door on her.

We got ideas from all over the trailer park and decided to take her to the What Not to see if we could get inspired over a drink. What we finally came up with was to ask you. Boy that takes a load offin' my mind. Waddya think?

Gind Rinker

Dear Gind,

I'm partial to the names, Peaches, Scarlet and Dusty. What is more important to me than the name you choose, is to make sure you check the spelling.

Hapy(alwayzcheksthespeling)shrinck

 

Date: May 7, 2001 

Dear happyshrink

My husband killed my boyfriend on 03/22/01. He and I had been separated for 3years. He left me for another women. I met my boyfriend who gave me love. I just wanted to let you know that we had been separated, so you will know but my question is we loved each other dearly. I know he is in heaven, but I am grieving hard. I had to move to anther city until the trial. Do you think he knows? I mean I cry and talk to him and I pray, can he hear me?

I feel as though we will be together again here on earth am I crazy for thinking like this. I loved him with all my heart and I miss him very much.

RJ

Dear RJ,

Nothing you are thinking and feeling is crazy. You are suffering from the trauma of having your boyfriend murdered. It would be unusual if you didn't wonder about seeing him again and imagine if he is looking down upon you. If these thoughts give you some comfort, they are good thoughts and not unhealthy. I would urge you to seek professional help  RJ if you haven't already. 

My hope for you is that in time you will be able to move on with your life, but this event is too recent to even think about that right now. Given the circumstances, you must have a lot of feelings that need to be sorted out. Seeing a therapist who specializes in working with Post Traumatic Stress and victims of crime will help you to do so. Good luck and please feel free to write me again.

happy(butsadforRJ)shrink

 

Dear Happyshrink,

Well, the time has come for me to get off my ass and start looking for a job. I went here and I went there and then I went to this interview yesterday. There were a couple people there ahead of me. This job looked like it was gonna be a GOOD one and where I was sitting I couldn't see into the conference room but I could kinda listen .. In fact, I could hear what questions were being asked and what the other people were giving as answers...

The owner or controller or whatever the hell he was asked the first guy ... "What is two and two?" This guy had once been a journalist ... His answer was "twenty-two." The second applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a calculator and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001. The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins vs. Commr of Stamp Duties (Qld), two and two was proven to be four.

SHEESH .. I hate lawyers almost as much as I hate Airbourne. (you ?) The last applicant was ME .... an accountant. I was ready for his STUPID 2 + 2 question. The boss man asked me, "How much is two and two?" I got up from my chair, went over to the door, closed it then came back and sat down. I leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?" I got the job.

JeWitch

Oh yeah .. I had to sleep with him too ...

Dear JeWitch,

Many years from now it will be interesting to ask that owner what he regretted most in his life; sleeping with you or hiring you?

happy(knowstheansweralready)shrink

 

Date: May 6, 2001 

Dear Happyshrink,

My friend is having a very difficult time trying to make a decision to stay in this town or move back to his home town. here are the specifics: He currently has a great job with excellent benefits and insurance. his son currently lives about 6 hours away from him. he misses his family and friends back home. His dad has asked him to move home to help with the family business. In this business there would be no benefits and no insurance and pay may vary. Moving back home would put him about 30 hours from his son. there is also a possible "love" in either city. He's afraid to move, but also afraid to let his dad down. How should he go about making a decision and feeling good about it?

Michelle

Dear Michelle,

Life doesn't always afford us the opportunity to feel good about the decisions we have to make. In this instance I don't think your friend can be totally happy with either option. The problem though is not that he will feel bad about his decision. The problem is that he may feel guilty about it. If you take 100 different people with similar options, you might get very close to a 50-50 split on what to do. All of them will feel bad, but some of them will feel guilty and those are the one's who will have the toughest time living with their choice. There is no right or wrong decision here. Your friend must add up the plusses and minuses of each option and determine what to do based on that. While there may be more demands from one option than another, his decision needs to be one he can live with and take responsibility for.

So in a nutshell Michelle, life is hard. We can't always please everybody and we can't do everything we want to do. We are creatures of budgeting. We budget our money, our time, our love, our loyalties and our obligations. When all is said and done, we hope that we end up in the black and not in the red.

happy(hastriedandfailedtoput10extrayearsonhisVISACard)shrink

 

 

Dear Happy,

As a favor to you, I made a list of things to NOT stick your penis in.  Don't laugh, I have referred to this list more times since Edna left me than you can imagine.  

Bubba

An electric cattle fence A Salvation Army bucket An occupied voting booth A nutcracker Marguerite Piazza An overheating radiator A lit jack-o-lantern A shot glass full of super glue A pasta maker The vacuum at Mister Pride Car Wash A square dance The Jaws of Life Closing elevator doors A clipboard The men's room at Oak Court Mall A stun gun A Presto Fry Daddy A food processor An octopus A Chinese finger trap A leper An autoclave A cow milking machine A hotdog bun at the office picnic The ticket window at the Orpheum A parrot cage The ball return at the bowling alley A bear trap A waffle iron A hole in the bottom of the popcorn bucket, while sitting next to your mom, at the movies Ol' Faithful A car cigarette lighter Boiling tar A pencil sharpener A coffee grinder A large mouth bass An empty eye socket A light socket Anything with more legs than you A Smooth Moves Juicer The drive-through window at McDonalds Mistletoe The wire end of a fake Christmas tree branch One of them Christmas Tree light bulbs Popcorn shrimp Toggle bolt The pop-up timer from your turkey Grape Nuts Rum-soaked raisins Little chips of Efferdent The worm from a bottle of Tequila A June bug A mothball A pixie stick A corkscrew A plugged in soldering iron Licorice jellybean A tick Your door key A sharpened No. 2 pencil One of those needles you use to pump up a football Electric tweezers from the Operation game A squirt or two of Afrin Nasal Spray Molten lead A meat thermometer A live bumblebee Copenhagen Pop Rocks The feathered end of a Huey's toothpick One of them little bitty candy canes An old fashioned lawn dart A swizzle stick A lit sparkler A barbed fish hook A pronto-pup stick coated in mustard A Q-Tip coated with Vicks Vapor Rub A golf tee

The lobster tank at the Super Walmart A pottery kiln Magic Johnson A Klan rally A cotton picker Revolving door A paper shredder A broccoli & cheese Hot Pocket A hibernating grizzly bear Janet Reno The fence at the kindergarten playground A laminating machine A channel catfish The change slot of a cigarette machine Tour Grandma's casket Bicycle spokes Shamu's blow hole Road kill The collection plate A NASCAR pit stop A roll of pink fiberglass insulation A full spittoon A crack ho A cage full o' monkeys A pitching machine A police horse A George Foreman Grill GI Joe's kung fu grip A lit can of sterno A hot tamale The office copier A Jellyfish Rocky The Redbird The ice sculpture at the Peabody Brunch A pile of white-hot charcoal The family turkey, during the prayer A running weed eater An electric pencil sharpener An oil pan drain plug A box fan Spinach dip at the office party Open window of a squad car A termite mound A pot of chili A snapping turtle A mortar A sand blaster A cigar cutter A rat trap A male elephant's trunk A garbage dispose-all A pool skimmer A bee hive A poinsettia Egg Nog A hunk of fruitcake An olive pit Candy Corn Goldschlager Pickled okra Silly Putty A 6 ft. stainless steel CB antennae A hot glue gun Toenail clippings An ant farm Cloves An air tube from your aquarium Un-popped popcorn A dab of Superglue Sterno Sparkplug wire from your lawnmower while ya starting it Corn on the cob skewer A vine of poison ivy A croquet hook The brush from your mom's mascara kit Marguerita salt and a squeeze of lime A rusty curb feeler The beak from a live hummingbird An AAA battery The bit from a running router A used pipe cleaner

A wood chipper A salad shooter A Pool Cue Hail A carpet knife A small hermit crab Mace Steel Wool A nail polish brush Peanut M & M Liquid Cement Alberto VO5 Catnip A black eyed pea A rabbit turd Dippin' Dots A Windshield de-icer Just For Men for beards A catfish whisker A French Fried Tater A Salad Crouton Kibbles & Bits A roach A tadpole Crumbled Bleu Cheese Old Spice A Cadillac hood ornament A hatpin Fiberglass insulation Black powder A Skittle Freshly brewed espresso Balsamic Vinaigrette A dog whistle Compressed air A crawfish claw Mardi Gras beads A cocktail onion A carrot peeler A Zippo flint Sunlight through a magnifying glass An uncoiled Slinky The point of a geometry compass A small barrel cactus A fireplace match Charcoal starter A Capri Sun straw Mechanical pencil lead The pointy end of an Alaskan King Crab leg An Atomic Red Ball jawbreaker A Mexican Jumping Bean Red eye gravy Hot Saki A six inch spike heel The spring from a ball point pen A lit birthday candle Aquarium gravel The second hand from a large wall clock Prozac A clove of garlic A Flintstones Chewable Vitamin A fruit roll-up A Milk Dud A watch battery Jelly Bellies Hot bacon grease A fondue fork A minnow Frankincense or Myrrh A Yule log A reindeer antler A sleigh bell Icicle lights A chestnut roasting on an open fire A "Santa Stop Here" sign One of the screws from your Christmas tree stand A string of pearls... one at a time An Altoid The lit end of a stick of incense Fix-a-flat Sea Monkeys BB's Noxzema Cheez-Wiz A brush from a bottle of Liquid Paper

Dear Bubba,

With a list that long, I now understand how you and your friends can forget a few of them. I hope you all make full recoveries.

happy(keepinitzipped)shrink

 

Date: May 5, 2001 

Dear Happyshrink,

My daughter ,17, was diagnosed with Epstein- Barr virus two months ago. It has left her with chronic fatigue, severe depression, etc. Is there any hope for this illness and will things get better as the months go on or is it a never ending battle. she will leave for college this fall. Thanks

J

Dear J,

When the Epstein-Barr virus was first discovered, there was a lot of skepticism whether it was a real condition or just something invented to justify the increase in the reports of clinical depression that has occurred over the past 30 years.  Epstein-Barr is now widely recognized as a viral condition that usually begins in childhood but whose symptoms don't emerge until adolescence or early adulthood. Right now there is a promising vaccine being tested as well as a number of other treatments. I think there is reason to be optimistic for a breakthrough in the near future. Until then, I would make sure your daughter is being treated by someone who is well versed in the disease and can offer the best combination of treatments available at this time. I would also look into support groups for her. There are many around and perhaps there is one in your community. Good luck and please don't hesitate to write again.

happy(alwaysoptimistic)shrink

 

 

 

Dear Happyshrink,

Just wondering if the person whose letter you printed the other day was referring to laudanum which is an opium derivative?

LC

Dear LC,

I would have to agree with you on that. I never heard the term and while surfing the Internet, I stopped at the first definition. I guess that will teach me to look a little further. Thanks for the info.

happy(boyismyfacered)shrink

 

 

Dear JeWitch,

I'll quietly shut the door on the way out of your house.

happy(runningforhislife)shrink

 

Dear Happy,

My 8 year old niece Nicole went on a plane for the first time. she wrote this cute note to the pilot. I'm so proud of that youngster. She has manners and proper breeding. Not like Edna's little monsters.

Mildred Thigpen

 

Dear Mildred,

She sounds like a real sweet kid. I hope your sister doesn't fu.... er... mess her up.

happy(likesEdna'smonsterstoo)shrink

Date: May 4, 2001 

Dear Can't Find Any Comfort Here,

While I know that you made the right decision and I know that it will be good for you in the long run, I can certainly understand the sense of loss you feel from an intimate relationship. Feeling loved and cared about is one of the most important needs we have. The need is often so great that we will accept that love from the wrong person. As smart and insightful as we may be in other situations, our love and passion can blind us to reality. We try to fix things that can't be fixed and believe promises that have been broken many times. 

So when do you stop feeling crappy? It will take time, but slowly things will get better. Remind yourself that you bring many good things to a relationship and you deserve someone who will give to you as much as you give to him. Also, remind your shrink that it's actions and not ideas that are hard to accomplish. Hang in there Can't Find Any Comfort Here. You might even find some Comfort HERE!

happy(findscomforthereeveryday)shrink

 

Dear JeWitch,

Just to make him feel worse, tell him you quit smoking and you have become kind, gentle and compassionate. Then tell him that one of those things is a lie. It will drive him crazy trying to figure out what the lie is.

happy(nonsmokerkindgentleandcompassionate)shrink

 

Dear Happy,

What can I do about stupid friends that send me annoying chain letters?

Ms. Bad Luck

Dear Ms. Bad Luck,

I have solved that problem by sending the following letter to everyone on my phone list"

Dear (Insert Name Here)

This is an Anti-Chain letter. You are not to forward it to anyone, nor are you to send me any chain letters that have been sent to you by one of your idiot friends. If you comply with these rules, you will receive good luck, long life, prosperity and good health. If you decide to forward this letter or send me another chain letter, you will have bad luck and be audited by the IRS. This chain letter really works. Three of my friends who disobeyed the letter have already been killed in freak accidents and one is in critical condition. Another person who disobeyed this Anti-Chain Letter was audited by the IRS and is now serving 5 years in Federal Prison. One of my friends who didn't send out the letter just won Publisher's Clearing House and another has hit 2 Jackpots in Atlantic City. This is all true! Don't send out any letters to me if you want to tempt fate! THAT MEANS YOU TOO ST. THERESA!!!! 

Happy(PANTSONFIRE)shrink

 

Date: May 3, 2001 

Dear Happyshrink,

Can I turn my poetic despair and depression into something more creative my exchanging my vallium (combined with Effexor) for Laudunum? I am a BPD patient, whose therapist is completely sick of me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Many thanks.

A

Dear A,

For the uninformed (like me until I looked it up) Laudunum is the Latin name for a town in France that was an intellectual and religious center of learning from the 5th Century until the Renaissance. I assume you would like to lose the drugs and return to a time when you felt more creative and involved in intellectual pursuits. While psychoactive medications can affect one's creative abilities, it can also reduce your anxiety and depression, keep you from hurting yourself, and maintain some degree of stability. If you have a history of hurting yourself, the meds may be necessary to keep you stable.

If you really feel that your therapist is sick of you, then it's time for a new therapist or at the very least, time to talk about your feelings in this area. If your therapist is in fact completely sick of you, he/she will probably help you to find someone else who can better meet your needs. I would suggest someone who specializes in Dialectic Behavioral Therapy or DBT. I recently made reference an article on the Web about DBT for treating BPD and if you are interested you can access it by clicking here. 

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is not something that goes away. Some of the symptoms do lessen over time. Having a good therapist who can be supportive and validate you sense of being is very important. Either work out your problems with your current therapist or find one who can be supportive and validating. Good luck and feel free to write me again.

happy(notsickofdoingthiswebpage....yet)shrink 

 

Dear happyshrink:

If cellulite implies light cells, why does these cottage cheese-like substance appear in angry fat people? If laughter is the best medicine, why is Norman Cousins dead? If vitamin C reduces the severity of a cold, why does it give you the shits and chills that follow so aggressively?

Dr. J.

Dear Dr. J,

Rather than me answering your questions, I have asked my cousin Roseanne Rosanna Danna to answer your questions:

Dear Dr. J,

So you don't like fat people, Norman Cousins or Vitamin C. Let me tell you something Dr. J. They don't like you either. Just because you are some famous ex-jock who could slam dunk a basketball doesn't make you such a big hoity-toity expert on life. Do you think anyone wants to know what bodily functions you do after taking vitamin C? If you're so worried about that, take Flintstones Vitamins Mr. Big Shot. Just remember what my half Japanese uncle, Benny Hanna Rosanna Danna used to say about smart ass Drs;  Let them eat Sushi! Then see what happens to your bodily functions.

Roseanne Rosanna Danna

 

Date: May 2, 2001 

Dear Happyshrink,

I have been living with a wonderful lady for about 6 months now and have observed an unusual behavior which defies easy explanation. Whenever we sit down to eat, she just has to tear apart her food. She usually leaves torn apart scraps lying on the plate and I have since found that these are the parts she doesn't want to eat. For example, the crust on bread. I have observed this in another lady that lives with a friend of mine as well. It seems to have something to do with a fear of being fat. My girlfriend in the past has had a hard time of things and became a single parent at the age of 24 when her sister died. She then assumed responsibility for her sisters daughter and has done it entirely on her own for the past 9 years or so. Her niece is now 15 years old and is a good girl since my girlfriend has done a good job. She now is really looking forward till the day her niece becomes 18 and can fend for herself since it has been quite a hardship on her being single and raising her niece. We live a very good life together now though.

I love her dearly but think there is something I should be doing to help her since this seems like a warning signal of some sort. She makes a huge mess of the table at times. Am I paranoid?

Thanks for your help.

John

Dear John,

The behavior you described can be anything from a culturally based style of eating, to an obsessive compulsive symptom, to a simple idiosyncratic habit just to mention a few. Maybe you can ask her why she does it if you haven't already. It has bothered you enough to write to me, so it's something you should talk to her about. 

If this seems to be the only odd behavior that you observe, I would say you are very fortunate to have a girlfriend with only one idiosyncrasy. A mess at the kitchen table is pretty easy to clean up. If there are other behaviors that seem to affect your relationship, then perhaps you need to talk further and maybe couples counseling should be considered.

Moving in together with someone takes a period of adjustment. No two people do the same things the same way. I know someone who thought it was odd that her boyfriend showered more than once a day in the summertime. I know another person who's wife would brush her teeth for over 3 minutes and this would drive him crazy. If the other aspects of the relationship are good, then putting up with a few odd (and perhaps irritating to you) behaviors should not spoil a good thing. If you do talk to her John, write me back and let me know what her explanation for her eating habits are. Good luck.

happy(puttingupmyownbadhabits)shrink

 

1. How Can I Miss You, If You Won't Go Away?

2. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself, Or Go Bowling

3. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

4. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You

5. I Liked You Better, Before I Knew You So Well

6. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here

7. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now

8. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)

OOOOPS .. me again .. Edna

Dear Edna,

I knew it was just a matter of time before you and Bubba would invent "Country Rap" music. I can't wait to get the lyrics so I can "rap" along.

happy(SincewesplitupImisscheating)shrink

 

Date: May 1, 2001 

Dear Happyshrink,

Please tell me where the term 'shrink' comes from...

Thanks,

chf

The term shrink is short for "headshrinker."  This description was popularized in the early twentieth century when psychoanalysis and psychiatry were in its early stages of development. People were somewhat fearful as well as skeptical of this new science and those practicing it were likened to as witchdoctors and headshrinkers. In the 1960s and 1970s, a variety of psychotherapies became popular and the term extended to all forms of psychotherapy and therapists. While some people think that the term only applies to psychiatrists, it has been used to describe all mental health professionals who practice psychotherapy. I have not do a lot of research on the topic so I invite others to write me with any other information on this subject.

happy(shrinkingalittleeveryday)shrink

 

Dear Happy,

I believe that I am addicted to Chinese food. I know that you to have a passion for it too. Is there anyway of overcoming this condition? If you can't overcome it, what chance do I have?

Sum Yum Mum

Dear Sum Yum Mum,

Actually I no longer crave Chinese food. It was just a matter of getting the right fortune cookie to inspire me:

happy(It'snotducksauceeither)shrink