Postings from April 16-30, 2001
Date: April 30, 2001
Hi, I am writing in concern for a friend. My husband has had the same best friend since he was a little boy (20+ years). They are inseparable. However, five days ago his friend's behavior became very strange. He all of the sudden became very suspicious of everyone, and was linking conversations that he had with one person to a conversation he had with another person. Even though the two people didn't even know each other. I'll give you an example. Last Friday, he was at work and his boss asked him if he spoke Spanish, because he would be working with someone who only spoke Spanish. Then when he got home his girlfriend was talking about her friends new boyfriend who spoke Spanish. Later that night, he came over to our house and he said something to my son, and I didn't understand what he said so I asked him if he was speaking Spanish. He later told my husband that he thought we were all conspiring against him. He also told my husband that we were hiding something from him because he kept seeing the number 420 all that day (i.e. road signs, pay check, the date etc...). He has been isolating himself from the world since then. What on earth could have happened to him. He has done this one other time about six months ago but it only lasted about 1 or 2 days. I would really appreciate it if you could give me your opinion. Thank you! Amanda Dear Amanda, I don't have enough information to tell you what your husband's friend is suffering from but I do have a few suggestions. I would speak to him about seeing a medical doctor to see if there might be a physical condition that could causing paranoid ideations. If there doesn't appear to be a medical problem, then I would urge him to be evaluated by a psychiatrist. The behavior you described can be anything from a reaction to stress to a variety of psychiatric disorders. Substance abuse can also cause behaviors like the ones you described. Rather than jump to any conclusions, I would suggest that you urge your husband's friend to get evaluated both physically and psychologically. Please let me know what happens. happy(can'tjump)shrink
Dear Happy, Since I have stopped smoking, my whole life seems to have passed before me.
Is that all there is? JeWitch Dear JeWitch, Pretty much. happy(nicehooters)shrink
Date: April 29, 2001
Hello Happyshrink, The problem is BPD (borderline personality disorder) not diagnosed in me but in my wife. She had some kind of delusions, feeling of emptiness in her chest, mild depression. She is functional and not psychotic. Her shrink prescribed the following medications: Bupropion, Fluphenazine, Diazepam and Prozac, and now symptoms are gone. I am worried, and I am interested about her prognosis. Is there some better treatment? SF Dear SF, Borderline Personality Disorder or "BPD" is obviously just one of your wife's diagnoses. The medication that she is being given include two anti-depressants (Bupropion/Wellbutrin and Prozac), an anti-anxiety (Diazepam/Valium) and a major tranquilizer (Fluphenazine/Prolixin). BPD is usually accompanied by varying degrees of anxiety and depression. In some cases there could be delusions, feelings of detachment (dissociation) and self mutilating behaviors. The medication that your wife is being given is to reduce these symptoms and by your letter it sounds like they are successful. I am concerned a bit about the long term effects of Prolixin. You might want to discuss this with your wife's psychiatrist. There are newer medications that have less side effects and be just as effective. There is no "cure" for BPD. It usually diminishes with age but it is always there to some extent. There are also different degrees of severity of BPD. If you are interested in treatment, there is one called Dialectical Behavior Therapy that has been very helpful in reducing the negative and self destructive thought patterns of people with BPD. There is a very good article about it on the web. To access the article, click here. Your support and understanding of your wife's condition is just as important as any medication or therapy. Good luck and continue to stay involved. happy(involvedafteraweekoff)shrink
Dear happy, In order to keep occupied while you were away, I decided to write some poetry. I never thought that poetry and psychotherapy had any relationship, but since I have started writing, I feel better about myself and have found new ways to express my feelings in a positive manner. Here is an example of my work: Best Friends My reality is shattered. I guess you could say, this is the "new" me! JeWitch Dear JeWitch, It's a good thing that I always loved the "old" you. I think its still lurking around somewhere. happy(lurkingaroundafteraweekoff)shrink
Date: April 21, 2001
Happyshrink is going on vacation! That's right, happy is taking a week off! He will return on Sunday April 29, 2001 with new letters and totally refreshed. He will be out of touch with his email but will try to have an "#Askhappyshrink" Chat Group on Tuesday, April 24. Here is a top 10 list of things you can do while happy is away. 10. Log on to AskOprah.com 9. Get a life 8. Stay in your house and eat Hostess Twinkees 7. Make believe you are on the show Survivor. Just 7 more days! 6. See a face to face therapist and drive him/her crazy 5. Play minesweeper and freecell all day 4. Download all the Slim Whitman music you can find on the net. 3. Stop whining you big baby! 2. Take a vacation too And the # 1 thing you can do... 1. Smoke a boatload of cigarettes... (Does not apply to JeWitch!)
Date: April 20, 2001
Dear Happyshrink, I think JeWitch misunderstood me. By saying that committing a partner "would have a negative impact on the future of most relationships." I was not talking about future relationships, I was saying that the future of THIS relationship (As most relationships go) would be negatively impacted by my having my boyfriend committed against his will. And I was quoting my shrink there: That is how he put it. I don't think that I am shopping for an answer that I want to hear: My minister spent a lot of time with my boyfriend recently when he took a class with the minister prior to joining the church, so I called him in hopes that he might be able to intervene. He was not as concerned as I was (and felt it was a bid for attention). I talked to my shrink because that is what I am paying him for! When he gave me a different viewpoint altogether I needed to check it out with Happy. I have been checking things out with Happy for about 9 months now (ever since my shrink went on the traditional August vacation) and so far he seems to be tolerating my warped view of life pretty well. I am doing my best to cope with this situation and, so far, it seems to be getting a little better. The boyfriend did finally go to see a therapist of his own that he seems to trust, so that is better too. Sincerely, JudiBlueye Dear JudiBlueye, Yes JeWitch did misunderstand you. When you have had as many dysfunctional relationships as JeWitch, they all seem to melt into one another. After 23 of the best years of her life wasted on two alcoholic husbands (one who would threaten suicide frequently) She doesn't want you to make the same mistake as she did. After explaining this to her and separating her life from yours, she responded with the follow two emails:
Dear Happy, Maybe this will cheer Judi up:
JeWitch So Judi, If you give me permission, I will give JeWitch your email address and you can continue this fascinating dialogue in private. happy(needsanofficeassistant)shrink
Date: April 19, 2001
Dear Happy, If JeWitch has something she wants to tell me, she can write me directly. She must have my E-mail because I get her iFYouSeeKay stuff all the time. (Maybe I signed up for it...I can't remember) I'm not afraid of JeWitch, as I have my own brain to contend with, which spits out JeWitchier stuff on a good day (even with a synapse-load full of SSRI AND a snickers bar)! Or not. Whatever. I can't help it if I'm curious. That's the curse of an Enquiring mind! Sincerely, JudiBlueye Dear JudiBlueye, You asked for it; you got it! Just keep in mind that JeWitch probably was not aware of the fact that it was you! She wrote it while the anesthesia was still affecting her brain not to mention her nicotine withdrawal so I think she may have misunderstood some of your letter. OK, enough apologies and diplomacy. Dear Happy, I am sure you will have a response. Please write me back and I will print it as long as it's not too over the top. happy(round1begins)shrink
Dear Happy Shrink, I haven't written in awhile. I had to lay low on account of that JeWitch stopping her smoking. The yelling, cursing and grenade throwing were all too much for me and my Gilbert. It was starting to affect his digestion so bad that he couldn't make it through the 5th peanut butter and jelly sandwich! Well, I figured yesterday that I'd go over there and see what was happening. JeWitch was in her usual spot in the kitchen with that long-haired hippie boyfriend of hers and his friend, sounded like his name was Glop or something. Anyway, they were all sitting at the table eating, when all of a sudden I looked up from underneath the windowsill and saw JeWitch choking! She was eating one of those racks of ribs and I guess she got carried away. Anyway, the hippie turns to Glop and says "Think we otta' help?" "Yup," says Glop (I swear it's something like that). The hippee gets up and walks over to JeWitch and asks, "Can you breathe, honey?" She shakes her head "no." "Can you talk, dumpling?" The hippee asks. She shakes her head "no" again. (Right about now I get a cramp in my thigh from crouching under the window and thought I'd die! But this was just too good to miss, so I turned around and pulled out a mirror that I just happened to have handy and looked in it) The hippee just stood there staring at her! She was starting to look funny, too. But ol' Glop knew what to do! He jumped over to JeWitch's chair, grabbed her, picked her up and threw her on her stomach onto the kitchen table! Then he hoisted her dress, yanked down her underwear and licked her on the butt! She was so shocked, she coughed up the hunk of rib meat, which sailed across the room and landed on the cat, and began to breathe! The hippee just stared at Glop and said "What'd you do that for?!" And Glop says "You know, that hind lick maneuver really seems to work every time!" I hardly made a noise as I ran over to tell Gilbert what had happened! That Glop fellow is a real hero, Happyshrink. A real hero. JeWitch should be glad to have a friend like that. Sincerely, Mildred Thigpen Dear Mildred, JeWitch was not really choking. The rib bone reminded her of a cigarette and she got all verklempt. I guess I will be careful not to get any food caught in my throat when I'm around Glop. By the way, is part of that 5th peanut butter and jelly sandwich still available? happy(gettingallchokeduplikeJeWitch)shrink
Date: April 18, 2001
Hello Happyshrink, I need some advice. I am a happily married 50 yr professional man with 2 adult children. My wife and I have been together for about 21 years. About 22 years ago there was another girl. We were engaged for a very short period of time. She broke off the engagement. I never was able to get her out of my mind. I still think of her often. I have had NO CONTACT whatsoever with her for 22 years even though she lives only about 12 miles away. About 2 weeks ago I found her email address on the Internet. Since then I have been going out of my mind. I can not get her out of my head. I have this incredible urge to email her to let her know that I still think of her even after all these years. I am desperate to know if she ever thinks of me. I am confused. I am in turmoil. I want to email but fear the consequences. I am afraid she might reject me again. I really don't know what her reaction will be. I just don't know what to do. Bagelman Dear Bagelman, This sounds a lot to me like mid-life crisis. After having been engaged to someone and planning a future together, it's not surprising that you would feel devastated by her rejection and think of her from time to time even after you are happily married with someone else. At age 50 many people ask the "What would have happened if.....?" question. Other questions that you might want to ask is "Do you have any regrets?", "How did your life turn out?" or "What do you think of me now?" Keep in mind that the woman who would answer these questions is no longer twenty something; she's fifty something. Her answers to those question may have little to do with you but involve what has happened to her over the past 23 years. I can't tell you what you should do, but if this is creating such angst in your life, why not talk to your wife about it and let her know you want to contact this woman. If you are really happily married this shouldn't be a problem. I don't know if you will get all the answers you want but perhaps it can put closure to 23 years of wondering. Beyond that, another option may be talking to a therapist about what you are going through. It's funny how life plays tricks on us. When we are young are bodies are at their prime and our minds are still underdeveloped. At 50 we have life experience, wisdom and charm but our bodies are on the decline. Why can't we grow physically and emotionally at the same time? It doesn't seem fair but then, life isn't always fair. If you want to continue this conversation, please feel free to write me again. happy(fellowpentagenarian)shrink
Dear Happy, I'm still not smoking. Thank goodness my computer is still working.
JeWitch, Dear JeWitch, In a couple more weeks it will start to look like Edna's trailer. happy(Ctrl-Alt-Delete)shrink
Date: April 17, 2001
Dear Happy, I am reading this site for the first time and wonder if you can tell me anything about mood disorder? I was diagnosed with a mood disorder after several years of having depression. I do not know if this is the same thing or a new one. I am taking the same medication (Seraquel). Thank you. JMG Dear JMG, "Mood disorder" is a general term that covers all types of depression as well as bipolar disorders. It is used more often to describe bipolar disorders but in actuality, it also includes depression. Since mood disorder is a general term, it is not a specific diagnosis. I would ask your psychiatrist for a more specific diagnosis as well as give you information about Seraquel. As someone being treated for any kind of disorder, you should have as much information about it as possible. Let me know what you find out. happy(wantstoknow)shrink
Ara responds to my interpretation of her dream: Dear Happy, Thanks for the assessment, you were right on target. I knew how I was feeling, but didn't have the words. So, thank you. Ara Dear Ara, Well some of us have a way with words and some of us..... er......... aren't that way I guess. happy(tobeornothavebeing!..that'ssomequestion)shrink
Dear Happy, Things has been so peaceful. But everybody in the trailer park are scared ta death bout the xplosion a commin. Ever day the end gets nearer. The pain pills are runnin out. Been since Friday that we ain't had Jewitch screamin' an' pissin' and moanin' bout wantin' a cigarette. Life ain't been peaceful since she quit smokin'. Why would a smart woman like hern quit smokin' anyhow? Is thar any way we kin git a straight jacket when she runs otta pills. Lord hep us!!!! Gind Rinker Dear Gind, Just explain to JeWitch that according to the Florida Environmental Protection Agency, inhaling cigarette smoke is much healthier than inhaling the air at the Circle K Trailer Park. She will either start smoking again or stay away from the trailer park. happy(stayingawayfromthelandofhangingchads)shrink
Date: April 16, 2001 HAVE YOU FILED YOUR TAXES?
Hello, I was wondering if there was a link to, or studies involving tickling and depression? I have been battling clinical depression for e few years now. I was on Prozac which helped for a little while... I'm off that now and pretty stable; painting, as therapy and a release for expression has helped, too ... but I found out something really interesting.. When I'm tickled, I get less depressed. Now this may sound obvious- a little cootchie coo, a little laughter, the end. No, I mean, when tickled nearly to exhaustion, when it becomes a challenge to take (and where most people would call it quits) I find it to be therapeutic. True, it HAS to be with someone I trust, But I have personally found that If I'm vigorously tickled, like in a "tickle fight", my breathing increases, my heart rate increases, my adrenaline pumps (I understand that the body views tickling as an attack ), my endorphins flow and my seratonin, I assume, becomes normal dues to all the chemical activity. I'm not saying this would work for everyone & I'm not saying it's easy to take, but considering what the Prozac was costing, and that this can be a fun activity, after a good tickle, for up to 2 DAYS I'm very low key, easy going, nonchalant, and conflicts don't bother or stress me near as much. Interestingly, I read on the Internet (over a year ago) that patients were being tickled by therapists in, I believe, Finland, for just such experimental reasons - the treatment of depression. Also, I have written to a woman who goes to a NY therapist on accession just for a 30 minute session of being tickled (Yes, with rest breaks...) to allow her to be calm and focused afterward. Another man I met online actually had blood tests done before and after being intensely tickled, and, sure enough, besides being tired, he felt calmer & happier - meanwhile the blood tests showed that his seratonin levels had gone down, his adrenaline and endorphins had gone up, post-tickling. He had dthis done after careful discussion with his therapist who thought it might be worth a try. Apparently, it was always consensual and, in the end, seemed to work. True, it pushes the comfort zone, but then - who likes going to the dentist? Is surgery really something we look forward to, even though it works? Some treatments out there do involve discomfort and are not for everyone (the tickling, for example, would probably be a terrible idea for an abused patient ). But what are your thoughts? As a society in general, supposedly, we touch much less than we should. What would an aggressive - but consensual - touch like tickling ad for those with depression? I swear that it works for me (I'm not suggesting it for other people unless it's discussed with their doctor ). Then I find two other people who also seem to understand what I'm talking about, one having lab evidence to back up his theory. Have you ever heard of this, even as an experimental therapy. I can't locate the Finland study info now - if that was indeed where it came from... Mike M Dear Mike M, Years ago I have read an article about tickling as a means of reducing depression but I can't remember its source. It would make sense that the stimulation of tickling increases respiration, heart beat and blood flow. Studies show that most exercise reduces depression as well. Unfortunately, many depressed people suffer from low energy levels and are unmotivated to exercise or for that matter, be tickled. If this works for you, I would encourage you to continue. I don't think it's for everyone, and I doubt that it will become a mainstream treatment for depression, but If you can find someone you trust to do this and you are in good physical condition, it may be an effective treatment. Keep laughing Mike. Whether it's humor or tickling, anything that puts a smile on your face is good low cost medicine. happy(collectingfeathers)shrink
Better late than never:
An Easter Story It wasn’t easy for Edna
to raise three children by
herself. Her FIRST husband,
Everett, died in the
service of his country, (he was electrocuted during mess
hall duty at Fort Riley, Kansas)
and life became an uphill
battle for Edna.
She was only eighteen years old
herself at the time. Her oldest child, Lulu,
was then two, her second
child, Andie was
three months old and Andy,
was still in the oven. (there
would be two more children to come later ..but they are not part
of THIS story.) For a young mother
with very little money, holidays like Christmas and
Easter were a real pain
in the ass. The tension mounted each year
as the holidays approached and the
children made their demands
for gifts and candy but the financial situation
simply wouldn’t accommodate
such indulgences. It was during
these times that Edna
had to use her imagination
and be genuinely resourceful. She told the children that
Santa Claus got too drunk and lost their address every
year. This explanation sufficed for
the absence of Xmas gifts, but the dilemma of the Easter Bunny
still remained. A rabbit
couldn’t booze it up. She would have to
think of something else and so each year, she did. The next year she bought one
chocolate rabbit and tore it into
three equal pieces and hid them. When each child found
a dismembered chocolate fragment, she told them that the "chocolate
wolf" must have
beaten them to the hiding places. The year after she told them
that the bunny had gotten caught
in a trap, had had to chew his leg off to get free and
was awaiting prosthesis
so he couldn’t make the rounds. Another year she
served rabbit stew and let the children
draw their own conclusions. And finally,
last year, when she had tired of all the
deception and her children had matured to the ripe old
ages of eight, five and
four, she told them that there was no
goddamn Easter Bunny and the whole thing was a pile of
commercial shit that a bunch of Third World basket
weavers and the National
Egg Council had dreamed up.
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