Letters April 1 -15, 2001

My husband is a 60 year old active alcoholic who I feel is headed for the last stages of alcoholism. He is a great guy when not drinking; compassionate, a good worker, a good friend, etc.; however, when he drinks it is like Jekyl and Hyde. He becomes belligerent, hostile, cries all of the time, throws food on the floor, talks incessantly for hours, etc.. I am sure these are common traits of the advanced alcoholic.

What I would like to know are methods for good care giving to this sick man. Should I talk to him or be calm and quiet, etc, etc, etc. Please don't refer me to Alanon they all say I should get a divorce or just "let go". I can't let go I have to look out for him and I am trying to find the best way to do it.

I have tried AA, intervention, psychiatrists (he currently sees one for depression), psychologists, social workers, jail, courts, judges, interventions, EVERYTHING. Please recommend a book for the caregiver of someone in the last stages of alcoholism. If there isn't one maybe someone in the late stages of Alzheimer's or a stroke patient, etc would be similar that could give me psychological methods of dealing with his behavior when he is drunk. I'm sure it is much like taking care of the mental patient. I would like to know should I keep lights on or just one to provide a calming environment. Should I confront him or should I just leave him alone., I'd like to have questions answered to things like that.

Please help, please recommend something I could read about care taking of this kind of person. Thank you in advance for your response.

P.S. Please don't advise me to try to get help for him and his drinking. He hates it when I do that. He DOES NOT want to quit drinking and makes my life Hell when I suggest he quit.

When you say that your husband is in the last stages of alcoholism are you referring to his suffering cirrhosis of the liver or having alcohol induced dementia? Both these conditions are irreversible and will get worse until the person dies. Abstinence and some forms of treatment may prolong one's life, but eventually the disease will destroy the mind and body.

It sounds like you have spent many years trying your best to get your husband the help he needs, but to no avail. All the advice that I could give, you have already rejected or tried, but were unsuccessful. I understand that you love your husband and leaving him is not an option. Caring for him in the last stages of his alcoholism is something that you have committed yourself to and I will not waste time trying to talk you out of it. I will not make any suggestions that others have made to you in the past. I will not refer you to a support group nor will I suggest to you he gets help for his drinking.

So what can I tell you? There's not much left. The situation is hopeless and you know that. There are no rules to follow on care giving because every alcoholic is different. You know your husband better than anyone SJ. Your assessment for when to leave him alone or confront him or to leave lights on or shut them off is the one you should follow. As in the past, you can not predict what his response will be. You can only make a good guess and hope for the best.

When he makes your life hell, you have one of two choices. You can put up with it or walk away. You have chosen to put up with it all these years. You must learn to accept that this is the choice you have made. There are no easy ways out or tricks to make him nicer to get along with. The disease has consumed him and has also consumed you. I feel for your situation, but the fact is no one can help you unless you want to help yourself. That was true for your husband all these years and its true for you as well. I can only hope you find the strength to do what is best. I wish I could say more.

Honey .... I'M HOME !!!!!

Well .. I am HOME .. and the pain killers are GRRRREAT ... in fact .. I went to the grocery store to see if .. you know .. IF I STILL "GOT IT" ...

I was going to buy a cucumber for the reptiles when the grocer comes up to me and says, "It's two for the price of one today". I said .. "Oh, good, I can eat the other one".

From the look on the stock boys face ... I STILL GOT IT !!!

JeWitch

Yes you still got it! And the letter to J(can'tthinkofacutenametoday)B was just a little bit too "JeWitchy" for me to print. But I will say to JB that you don't feel she's being totally honest with herself and she should consider that she's looking for someone to give her the answer she wants to hear rather than the one she needs to hear. How's that for diplomacy? If you don't like it Witchie, you can take the first cucumber and stick it......oh that's right, you already did that. Well enjoy the second one in a nice salad or have it YOUR WAY.

On 2 occasions in the past month or so, my boyfriend has had episodes where he was crying, making statements like "I don't want to live anymore," "I want the pain to stop," "I'll probably overdose tonight," etc. The first time he was at home when this was going on, the second time I was talking to him via a cell phone and he wouldn't (or couldn't) tell me where he was. Both occasions he agreed to speak to a professional about it when it was happening, but by the AM (or by Monday AM) he refused to do so and even tried denying what he had said. He refused to go near an ER because of having no insurance.

He says things, "I was just asking for help." When I suggested that that was why he needed to go to the hospital, to get help, he said, "I don't want to talk to them about it, I want to talk to you (or words to that effect.)." He on one occasion told me he had spoken to a counselor about it but the next time I had to talk to her it became clear that he had not said anything about it.

My minister says that he is just seeking attention and that if he was going to do it he would have done it by now. My shrink says that the minister is dead wrong (pun intended) and that there is nothing I can do short of filing a petition for an involuntary hospitalization, which tends to have a negative effect on the future of most relationships. I really don't feel like I am equipped to cope with another episode of these suicidal statements; what if I say the wrong thing and he follows through on it?

I have my own suicidal thoughts from time to time, but I am able to keep from seriously considering them because I understand that they are part of my mental health problem and that I am not about to act on them. I don't inflict them on anyone else! However, he doesn't admit that he has a problem and won't do anything about it, even though there is a good community health center down the road that charges by a sliding scale and so on. So, what can I do? Nothing? My shrink is not very hopeful and seems to want me to put an end to the relationship, but that is the last thing that I want. Any thoughts Happy? What do I do if it happens again?

As you might expect, I agree with your therapist. Your boyfriend has not only expressed a wish to die but a means of doing himself in (overdosing). In the mental health field, that's a code red! While it may also be his means of getting attention, it is also a plea for help and a symptom of clinical depression. Someone who suffers from major depression has impaired judgment and can not always decide what is the best source of help. His putting burden on you is not only unfair, but also a sign of dysfunctional thought. The next time he talks about ending his life, I would call 911. Depending what resources are in your area, a mobile crisis unit may come out and talk to him, or he will be taken to a hospital for assessment there. Let a clinician decide how disturbed he is. That's the right thing to do.

Yes I do think you should end this relationship JB. I know it's nice to have someone who you can be intimate with and that cares for you but this is the wrong guy. You have discussed other problems with him in the past and it seems like it is becoming more and more of a codependent relationship. You don't need that and neither do your kids. I know its hard doing the right thing. I can't say I have always done it myself. But you know deep in your heart what the right is. It's up to you to act.

Congratulations on having your gall bladder removed! Did you know that having your gallbladder removed will cause you to lose unwanted pounds, go up at least 20 points on your IQ, become popular among Amish people and most important it causes spontaneous orgasm! If these things are not happening, you might want to ask for a refund.

I hope you have a speedy recovery and no complications. You're in my thoughts, Witchie. With much love and affection,

I am sure JeWitch will be happy to read your letter. I will be having my gall bladder removed later this afternoon.

Who else would have major surgery on Friday the 13th? Please send your get well wishes to me and I will post them tomorrow. Rumor has it that Edna will be assisting Dr. Bombay in the operating room so Wichie will need all of your prayers.

The other night, I had the strangest dream. It started out nice, I had gone back home for my best friends high school graduation. All of our old group was there, and we were having a party at the lake after the ceremony. Everything was just I left it, I even hooked up with my ex boyfriend. It was a great evening.

Then, everything goes south, everyone has decided to go to the tent and crash. But I tell them that I just want to lay on the beach for a little while and soak up these good vibes. That is when I die, but not before I right a note to all of my friends telling them how much I love each of them.

Normally that would be the end of such a dream, right, but no. It seems that after my body dies, my soul decides that things were finally going well, so I sort of refuse to give up living. I search for a living person who wants to die, and I find one. I go to her in her dream, and we talk about why she no longer wants to live. Then, I tell her that I can help her, and I will help her if she wants me to. She says yes, and I basically take her place, my soul enters her body and hers dies.

Yes, this dream gets weirder. I am now alive, I have all of my old memories, and all I want to do is go back home and be with my friends and family. So, I go back. But, I have to make them believe that it is me. We go through this extremely long question and answer and finally they know that it is me. I fell extremely relieved, and as happy as I was the night my first body died, and then I wake up.

I believe that dreams help guide us in our waking hours, and I just want to know what this dream is saying. So, it you have any ideas, I would appreciate them. Thank you.

Graduating high school is often thought of as a rite of passage. Different stages of life can also be thought of as "death and rebirth." In your dream you go back home to see your old friends. You have fond memories of them, but to some extent, this part of your life is over. You have in some ways become a different person now. When you go home, you must reassure old friends that it is still you, but is it really you? Haven't you changed? Aren't you still changing? You are relieved that loved ones accept these changes and you can go home again.

I believe your dream represents your struggle with change ARA. You have learned new things and have developed new ideas about life. While you are excited about the future, you are concerned about preserving your past which was safe and comfortable. While the future may be exciting, you will always have some fears about it. You will always have concerns about the person you are becoming and the person you have to leave behind. This is the struggle that all adolescents and young adults face. Even some of us "middle-aged" (a.k.a. old farts) people struggle with new beginnings. Your dream reassures you that whatever new version of ARA will emerge, you will be able to integrate your past with your present and future. Please write back and let me know my interpretation makes sense.

I asked the doctor to let me keep the gall bladder. I OWE IT TO MY BROTHER. He had cut the tip of his finger off years ago when we were YOUNG adults. He was wanting to show it to me .. SO BAD .. but I declined. I have a VERY queasy stomach.

Well, being a brother .. being MY brother .. he waited for the PERFECT TIME to say "Diane".... have me turn around and look as he put his finger right next to my face .. . WELL BABY BROTHER .. pays backs are HELL ! Gonna just package it up in a jar .. and send it ... With a little note saying .. "This is for the finger." He will remember ....

I understand that you want to get back at your brother for the dirty trick he played on you. The only problem is, Edna was talking about how great it would be to be able put your gall bladder in her "Easter Stew." Maybe you could cut the gall bladder in half. In so many ways, Edna deserves half of everything you have. The gall bladder is just the beginning. Guess where I won't be dining on Easter Sunday?

Dear Happy,

OHMIGOSH (plug plug plug) (BRAND NEW WEBSITE, barely started) .. I finally get a chance to be ME !! I mean, the REAL ME is JeWitch .. but not the ugly, hateful, nasty, bitchy.... well .. scratch bitchy ..

The below is the Wiccan Rede .. sending it for Ocdnetangel and for her son. If her son thinks that he can practice BLACK magic in Wicca .. he is VERY MISTAKEN .. he cannot .. it will NOT be tolerated and he will NOT be accepted .. That sort of crap is left for the Satanists .. or .. other Cultists ..

I belong to the WRCF ... http://www.wrcf.org/ ... Many Wiccans keep their practice hidden because of all the PREJUDICE .. I am Jewish also, living in the bible belt .. I am used to being the FREAK ! THUS the nickname JeWitch.

People tend to confuse Wicca with Satanism and the like. If they see a pentagram .. they think ... SATAN ... ( I don't believe in Satan by the way) If you see someone wearing a pentagram .. LOOK CLOSELY .. if there are 2 star points UP ... it is Satanic .. One point up ... Wiccan or Pagan.

The Wiccan Rede

Bide the Wiccan Laws we must in Perfect Love and Perfect Trust
Live and let live. Fairly take and fairly give.
Cast the Circle thrice about to keep the evil spirits out.
To bind the spell every time let the spell be spake in rhyme.

Soft of eye and light of touch. Speak little, listen much.
Deosil go by the waxing moon, chanting out the Witches' Rune.
Widdershins go by the waning moon, chanting out the baneful rune. When the
Lady's moon is new, kiss the hand to her, times two.

When the moon rides at her peak, then your heart's desire seek.
Heed the North wind's mighty gale, lock the door and drop the sail.
When the wind comes from the South, love will kiss thee on the mouth.
When the wind blows from the West, departed souls will have no rest.

When the wind blows from the East, expect the new and set the feast.
Nine woods in the cauldron go, burn them fast and burn them slow.
Elder be the Lady's tree, burn it not or cursed you'll be.
When the Wheel begins to turn, let the Beltane fires burn.

When the Wheel has turned to Yule, light the log and the Horned One rules.
Heed ye flower, bush and Teee, by the Lady, blessed be.
Where the riffling waters go, cast a stone and truth you'll know.
When ye have a true need, hearken not to others' greed.

Whith a fool no season spend, lest ye be counted as his friend.
Merry meet and merry part, bright the cheeks and wanm the heart.
Mind the Threefold Law you should, three times bad and three times good.
When misfortune is enow, wear the blue star on thy brow.

True in love ever be, lest they lover's false to thee.
Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill: An ye harm none, do what ye will.

Thank you for explaining Wicca and clearing up some misconceptions. All religions can be misunderstood. Fear and ignorance are what turn good intensions into evil deeds. Now get back to your ICKY IMAGE!

Hope all is going well with you. I am just giving you an update and have a few questions. I am taking my meds, Celexa and Xanax. They seem to be helping. I do not have that tied in knots feeling all the time. Even though my teens are still a pain in the butt. This self pity stuff is really hard to handle and not get into an unnecessary argument over. Any advice?

I would also like to know if you know anything about Wicken(sp)/witch craft? Is this something that needs to be discussed with my son's therapist? He has just recently got into this. He thinks he can do bad with it. Such as look at a person across the room and make them feel pain, or do something they do not want.

When your son focuses on some kind of-self pity I would try to avoid a conversation about it and perhaps suggest to him that he talk about it with his therapist. You don't have to validate that he's a victim but you should try to acknowledge his feelings. His feelings are real even if his thought process is faulty.

Wicca is a religion that was developed in the 19th Century. It is not devil worship, nor is it designed to harm others. My friend JeWitch is a Wiccan and despite our joking around, she is really a nice person. (There; I said it) The ethical belief of Wicca is, "If it harm none, do what you will." Among the other beliefs of Wicca are: The Law of Attraction, Harmony and Serenity, Power through Knowledge, Progressive Reincarnation." There is a lot of misconceptions about Wicca and Wiccans. Their rituals may be strange to Jews and Christians, but Jewish and Christian rituals are strange to Asian, African and Native American religions.

Your son's interest in this should not be a problem as long as he understands what Wicca is truly about. If your son believes he can cause pain upon others through Wicca, he is misinformed. Rather than get into a debate about it, this should be referred to his therapist for discussion. Clearly your son has issues about power and control. That's not unusual for most teenagers or adults for that matter. You have some issues about that your are working on too. Let him work things out in his therapy and try to be patient with him. Thanks for the update ocdnetangel. Keep in touch.

Edna and I were playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?" Nuff said !

After spending some time in Edna's trailer, I'm amazed that she knows what a vacuum is!

Ever since my most recent disciplinary write-up (for forgetting to fill out a piece of paperwork) I have found it very difficult to get out of my car and go back into work after lunch. I have either a crying jag and can't stop or I become very anxious almost, but not quite, like a panic attack. The most obvious answer--don't go out at lunch time-- won't work because, as a single parent, the golden hour with no kids is precious time to run errands, shop for groceries or sit quietly in a parking lot somewhere and bite my nails.

Any thoughts? My shrink thinks I am trying to get fired because I am so pissed off at them, but I'm not buying it...I have quit better jobs than this one!!! Seriously though, I don't have the emotional energy at the moment to look for a job and my bad habit of eating makes getting fired a bad idea too. Any ideas? Help! I have already defoliated several deciduous forests with these crying fits!

There isn't a magical cure for your situation. It seems to me that you have two options. Either learn to cope with a hostile work environment or look for a new job. The fact that you have quit better jobs than this one makes me ask the question, "Why are you staying?" Is it some masochistic thing or are you trying to prove something? The job market isn't as terrible as you think stressed-out. I know looking for a new job is a drag and you have a very full plate of activities already, but the situation won't get better unless you change it or adapt. My vote is with change. I can't see you learning to suck up to a bunch of incompetent boobs (and I don't mean the body parts). Get a new job and find a whole new group of idiots to deal with.

Member when Jewitch's friend Mary brought Dui's Jesus sandals and bible to my trailer for'n me to give to Dui when he showd up ta git 'em. Well, she was drivin' a Cadillak at the time. You'll never believe it, but she now lives on lot 21 (a first class corner lot.....she likes the best). Here tell she had all her money in computer stock an' had a reversal of fortune. Her stock man told her to send him a bunch of money and she had ta sell everthin' . She is the nicest person and that makes her fit right in here at the Circle K.

Anyway, she had a supprize Baby Shower fer me up by the wash house. She put matching bed sheets on the picnic tables and did flowers in bowls in the center like Martha Stewart and everyone from the park comed and brung food an' presents fer the baby. Ezra give the baby a huntin' knife and Jewitch brung a size 1 leather vest and a gif certifcate for Cooch Tattoo Parlour for the babies first tattoo. Snake brung the babies own musical beer flip. It is amazing. It sings Bubba Whop Ass Wilson's "Beer Beer Beer, Let It Flow Like Water". Bubba gave a matched set of airline bottles of Cuttysark, Dewers , Crown Royal and Old Turkey( no moonshine for this youngin). But the most useable gif was from Edna (she is smarter than you think) . She got the baby a spandex jogging suit that stretches from size 1 to size 6.....kin you believe it......good for 6 years. Airbourne brought the baby hissns own garbage can. Mary made a doile needle pointed in the center with "Stay out of tech stocks" and 3 inches of tatting (that is little round lace holes) around the outside edges. So what I'm tellin' you, is livin' in this trailer park makes a body appreciate how good life kin be with ya friends round ya.

PS We is havin a "Pick the First Tattoo" contest. You bein smart an' all, will probly come up with the winnin' Tattoo, so write me back with a good'n'.

I am partial to "Grim Reapers" and "Death Before Dishonor" tattoos. Please let me see the stencil first so I can check it for spelling errors. Remember Bubba's tattoo of "Muther."

My husbands brother and his wife seem to being trying to force affection between myself and there children. As soon as they arrive for a visit there infant is thrown into my arms, despite my saying I don't want a hold. Maybe its because we are having trouble conceiving that I don't want to hold someone else's child, but I don't really think that's the point. I have made it clear I don't want to and my wishes are ignored.

On leaving there other children and forced to kiss me goodbye, despite the children's very vocal objections. I find this embarrassing and distressing and dread there coming to visit. I have tried to make it known I don't like all this but it makes no difference. I don't want to offend as his family is not keen on me anyway.

If you have spoken to your sister-in-law already and she still insists on making you uncomfortable, perhaps it's time for your husband to intervene. He should call his sister and in effect read her the "riot act." Whether they approve of you or not, he is married to you and your feelings should be respected. If they can't do that, perhaps the frequency of their visits need to be limited. Your husband may be more influential than you in modifying his sister's behavior. Let me know what happens.

Here is my problem. I DO NOT DRINK !! I go out with my friends because I want to be sociable but what pisses me off is that I am ALWAYS the designated driver. Sometimes I just don't feel like driving at 2 or 3 AM. So I have came up with a GREAT IDEA. Or so I thought. At the end of the night I dropped everyone off at the wrong house. Now they never ask me to go out with them any more .. Did I handle this wrong ?

You handled the situation perfectly. Just like your sister JeWitch, you have a great sense of humor and a brilliant mind. I'll bet the husbands were delighted to be with a new drunk woman for a change. Well done!

This is a long story so I will try to make it short and sweet...I have known this guy for 5 years ,we were involved for 3 of the five. 2 years ago he had a child w/ someone else (I had moved out of state at that time). I have since moved back and he asked me to move in with him. In his words we are only "friends" . We have separate rooms and do not have a sexual relationship and have not for 2 years. His child is here 3 days a week. Other than lack of sex we do every thing together ..go out w/ his friends or mine, decisions on house hold improvements, and rearing of his child.

He has dated and had them to the house w/ me there which is very uncomfortable for me. He knows that I love him and only him but when put on the spot he says I love you too much to hurt you by ruining it with sex. What in the world does this mean?? Am I a friend, a nanny, a maid, a companion? Is this a test drive?

I wrote him and told him how I feel and he does not respond ..will not talk about it at all. I am just at loss what to do should I stay here or go? My mother says that I should move out but I am happy here. We are best friends, and he has done quiet a lot for me over the past year...I was diagnosed w/ fibromyalgia and have had a very hard time this year and of all my friends he has been the only one to stand by me thru thick and thin.

You claim to be happy living with this man but, your letter which pleads for "HELP!!!!" contradicts this assertion. There may be some positive aspects of this relationship, but overall it seems to be causing you pain and frustration. While there is a chance that your "roommate" may change his attitude, he as made it clear to you that he sees your relationship as a friendship and nothing else. It's quite a nice set up for him. He has a companion, nanny, maid and roommate all rolled up into one. If he knows your feelings about him, which I suspect he does, then he is being very selfish, thoughtless and even cruel to continue this living arrangement.

You mothers advice is worth considering, especially if you do want to some day have an intimate relationship. How many men have you dated during the time you have been living with this man? I would suspect few to none. If you want someone special in your life, you have to get out of this situation Lost in Love. I know it is going to be difficult and painful but that's what you need to do to move on with your life. Please feel free to write me again if you need to talk further about this.

Dear JeWitch,

Next time you are experiencing PMS and trying to quit smoking, I urge you to contact the National Guard Armory in your community so that damage and loss of life can be kept to a minimum..... And Please!!!!.... don't screw in any light bulbs.

happy(willingtodothescrewing)shrink

Two weeks ago the most embarrassing thing happened to me. I was in the mall with some of my friends and I was wearing this skirt that was elastic and we went to get on the escalator and my friend stepped on my skirt by accident and it came off! Not just a little - practically all the way off! Then I did the stupidest thing - I screamed. Everyone looked at me and I couldn't run because my friend was still stepping on my skirt. I started screaming "get off! get off!" and then security came and actually made me leave for causing a "scene." Everyone stared at me as they escorted me out of the mall. Some of my friends tried to leave with me, but I ran the minute I got out of the door. I just ran all the way home.

I have not gone to school or anywhere since then. My parents found out what happened because one of their friends was at the mall when it happened. Every day they try to make me go to school, but I just wait for them to leave then I hide out at home and erase the messages the school leaves for them. I get the mail and get rid of the letters they write to. How do I ever face anyone ever again? I feel like my whole life is over with and I will never be able to go outside my house or talk to anyone ever again. Please help me. I'm getting desperate.

Sometimes an embarrassing incident can be cause trauma and make you feel guilty, shameful and worthless. This situation seems to have done that to you. Your reaction does not sound stupid or strange to me. It sounds like a reaction that many people in that situation might have had. If you were an adult and not a teenager, I doubt that security would have thrown you out of the Mall.

There is just so long that you can avoid school, your parents or your friends. The more you avoid it, the more difficult it is going to be to put this incident behind you. I would speak to your parents and ask them to get you some help in the form of a counselor or therapist. Hopefully this experience can be put in proper prospective and you can regain your self confidence. I am sure that most of your friends support you and feel bad about what happened. Don't let this incident paralyze you. Get the help you need and get back to school. Please feel free to write me again.

We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. That is NOT FAIR .. They say that they don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms."

JeWitch

Dear JeWitch,

Drop and give me fifty private!.....I can't hear you.

happy(SadamHusseinsaysyoulookfat)shrink

I just want to say that I'm in a very poor excuse for a marriage right now. My wife spends all my money and in return doesn't do anything. I have finally made her get a job but she complains about it all the time. I'm getting fed up with all her whining. A woman should have the meal on the table at night and shut up about it. I work hard and make a pretty damn good salary. I'm getting ready to cut her credit cards up too because she's out of control. I guess it's my own fault for even putting her name on them to begin with, but I thought I could trust her with what is mine - namely, MY money. MY house, MY cars. I earned the right to call those things mine, along with MY wife. I have threatened her with just giving her an allowance but she says that I'm treating her like a child. Well, she should stop acting like one and I will. How the hell do I get her to understand that I'm the king of this castle and she better start learning that or she's going to be out?

Some people are not meant to be married. You sound like one them. Marriage involves a partnership, not servitude. If you want to be King of the castle, build it and hire servants. While your wife may have her own problems your attitude will never result in healthy relationship. Unless you are willing to think in terms of OUR money, OUR house and OUR cars, end the marriage now. Just think; you can go bowling every night of the week and you can attend as many "Raccoon" meetings as you want. Did I mention no more mother-in-law?

Happy,

A woman's work is NEVER DONE. You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.

Edna

That's also true about shaving your legs and cleaning your dentures. So you made your bed six months ago? That makes you a better housekeeper than JeWitch.

I have just started taking Zoloft and feel very tired all the time. Is this a common side effect or is something wrong? I have been suffering from depression for about 2 years now and no one seems to really know why. I have tried therapy, but I can't think of anything to talk about so my doctor thought that this might help me. I wanted this to work, but I'm beginning to think that nothing will help me. I wonder sometimes if it's worth going on like this or if things really can be better. Please tell me what you think of what this medicine is doing to me.

I would give the Zoloft a little more time to work. Your body needs to adjust to the Zoloft. Keep your psychiatrist informed about your side effects. If they continue, it may be necessary to consider another medication. I would also urge you to continue therapy or join a support group. Even if your depression is due to a chemical imbalance, therapy or a support group can help you to cope better. The process of therapy can take time to work as well. Give it more time and I think you will find things to talk about.

At best Sadd, medication can reduce some of your depressive symptoms, but it is not a cure. In conjunction with therapy, you have the best chance of overcoming depression and living a happy life. Good Luck and let me know how you are doing.

I said, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. "They are going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don't let them do that."

I continued, "They are going to try to feel your breast; you are going to like that, but don't let them do that. They are going to try to put their hands between your legs; you are going to like that, but don't let them do that.

Then I said, "But, most importantly, they are going to try to get on top of you and have their way with you. You are going to like that, but don't let them do that. It will disgrace the family."

The next time I saw her she had already been on her first date. She couldn't wait to tell me how it went and I pretended to be interested.

She said her date went just as I said it would. She says, "JeWitch, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried to get on top of me, I turned him over and got on top of him and disgraced his family."

Dear JeWitch,

Don't sound so high and mighty to me. I'll bet in your day you disgraced a lot of your boyfriends families.

happy(stilltryingtobedisgraced)shrink

What does it mean when someone just doesn't enjoy things the way they did? By that I mean not being sad or anything or avoiding things, but wanting them to be over with quickly and procrastinating about going to social events, or just out.

There are a couple of possible explanations for your feelings and behaviors. If you are under a lot of stress, it could make you impatient and also prevent you from enjoying things that you once did. If there is conflict or unresolved issues in your life, it can preoccupy you and have a similar affect. These emotional issues can make you want to avoid people as well. You might also be suffering from a mild depression which doesn't make you sad but prevents you from positive feelings. If any of these explanations sound plausible to you, I suggest you see a therapist and discuss what is going on in your life that is preventing you from enjoying things. Let me know what you think Lackluster.

You are too late. The US Postal Service is already doing that and they plan to raise their rates again.

I am REALLY in need of your assistance. My wife has been taking a steroid drug known as prednisone, often between 6-12 pills a day (30-60mgs) on and off for over two years for posterior uveitis, a potentially degenerative eye condition. I know that this drug can cause anxiety, irritability, depressions, and mood swings. I have some reason to believe however that she may be starting to hallucinate. She says she will not go to her internist unless she sees something in a book, article, etc. that prednisone can cause potentially hallucinations. How can I get information?

Rather than search the Internet or medical journals, why not contact your wife's doctor yourself. Let him/her know the symptoms as well as your wife's resistance to being evaluated. I am not a medical doctor however, I am aware that prednisone is a very dangerous medication and long term use can cause a variety of physical as well as psychological symptoms. I believe the best information you can get would be from the physician who prescribed this medication in the first place. Your sense of urgency is well founded. Don't delay in contacting your wife's doctor.

That friend of yours is smarter than you give her credit for. So when can we expect you to have sex with a hot guy? Hint: Don't try to fit an elephant in your hand!

I am 28 years old. My mother suffers from schizophrenia. Her mother had some mental problems, but I do not know exactly what. Is the disease genetically transmitted? What are my chances to develop it? What can you tell me about my future kids?

While there is some genetic link for schizophrenia, the onset of the disease is usually from the late teens to the early twenties. At age twenty-eight, it is unlikely that you will develop symptoms due to a genetic link. There can be environmental factors including trauma and stress that can affect anyone. As far as having children is concerned, there are never any guarantees. It's a crap shoot for all of us. When the time comes, you can meet with a genetic counselor and get statistical probabilities.

It is good to be mindful of your family history but I wouldn't let it stop you from having kids CL. There are genetic links to a lot of conditions and everyone has something that runs in their family. The main thing for successful offspring is having a good marriage and providing good parenting. Poor parenting runs in a lot of families. That is something you do have control of. Good luck.

Well, as you probably know, in Alabama, we governs our lives by the dictates of style. We buy a new truck and have flames painted on it and chrome visors and gun racks and mag wheels, before we git a new trailer. We git our hair done and nails painted before we go ta the Goodwill fer 4 inch heels. We git Lama's cowboy boots and hats before we would ever think about gittin the lectrik bill paid. (Ya kin live without lectrik, but you ain't got style with no cowboy boots)

What I'm gittin at, is My Earl's choppers. In Alabama tis customery ta pull out yer teeth by 18 years old and git choppers fer style. All of us here in the Circle K has choppers. Evin the folks from Kentucky has choppers. Well, last night ta the What Not rasslin matches, My Earl got 2 teeth knocked out of his choppers. I was stompin' mad. Don't anybody know ta take out yer choppers for ya rassel. You takes yourn out, don't ya? Now thar's our 2 chopper soakin' glasses an' My Earl's is starrin' at mine like a snaggle toothed pumpkin. I tol' him he is takin' the mornin' offen work and go sweep the bar till he finds them teeth. I'll crazy glue 'em back in, but that better be the last time he does such a dum thing.

Us folks up north have these people called "dentists." They actually help you to keep your own teeth and not have to wear choppers. It's kind of stupid though now I think about it. For years I've been spending loads of money just to save my teeth. Those dentists torture you too. I would probably be better off with choppers however, I think I'll take a pass on the rasslin. By the way Gind, who won at Wrestlemania?

I would like to know if you have ever heard of the "Hakomi Method" body-centered psychotherapy, and also Primal therapy. I am currently reading Ron Kurtz's book on Hakomi Therapy and have just finished reading a review on one persons experience with Primal therapy, from the book "Come Here".

There is quite a bit of information on both of these therapies on the internet, and of course in books, but I would like to know your feelings on these therapies. I have found for myself that the typical psychotherapy has not done much for me, and will take a great deal of time. Psychotherapy has just not gotten me where I feel I need to be, and certainly not gotten me to experience what I feel I need to experience. Reading about Primal therapy has caught my attention, even though it sounds very aggressive. Also, the Hakomi method is appealing because of it's desire for the client to be mindful, and become aware of what's going on with them at the moment. Actually this method requires both client and therapist to be mindful, instead of the usual session where the therapist keeps after you with unrelated questions and opinions or says nothing at all, looking at the clock and making sure you know when the 45 minutes is up.

In the late 1960s, Primal Therapy was popularized by it's creator, Arthur Janov. His book, The Primal Scream was a best seller and became enormously popular. Even John Lennon became one of its disciples for a time. Unfortunately, the clinical evidence did not live up to the hype. Primal therapy exists today with some modifications of treatment and with less ambitious goals. It originally focused on birth trauma and uses regression as a means of eliminating neurosis. In more recent years it looks at neurosis as a feeling disorder that is perpetuated by a society that asks us to deny our feelings. It attempts to help us re-establish our early childhood feelings that were repressed and denied by our life experiences. I have to admit, I am not a big fan of primal therapy. Thirty years ago, it promised a cure for just about all neurotic illnesses. I think it may have some benefit for early childhood trauma but it's results are still questionable.

Hakomi was developed in the 1970's by Ron Kurtz. It draws upon the notion of mindfulness, non-violence and the unity of the mind and body. It integrates some of the theories of humanistic and existential psychotherapy with ideas promoted in bio-feedback and other mind-body theories. I like a lot about Hakomi however, I am not that well versed in it. I have not seen any studies on its effectiveness. As you mentioned Methos, there is a lot of stuff on the Internet for both these therapies. If you find out more information, I will be happy to post it. Thanks again for asking so many good questions.

So the waiter comes to the table and tells us the night's specials are almond chicken or fresh fish, your choice of vegetable.

"The chicken sounds good; I'll have that," JeWitch says.

The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks.

JeWitch says .. "She'll have the fish."

Dear Edna,

Jeeze! After being friends with you for so long you would have thought that she knows that you prefer chicken to fish. Just shove a cigarette in her mouth and she will be go back to being her lovable old self. By the way, did the meal come with grits?

happy(hatesgritsbutloveshushpuppies)shrink

Postings from April 1-15, 2001