Letters March 16 - 31, 2001

Effexor is an antidepressant that has also been used to treat anxiety and panic attacks. It is often used as an adjunct medication along with other psychoactive drugs. Some people have benefited greatly from Effexor while others have not. That's why all psychoactive medications should be monitored by a psychiatrist to assess how its working as well as look at side effects. As I have stated in the past, there is no one drug out there that works for everybody. If you have concerns about Effexor or any other medication, you need to speak to a psychiatrist.

I'm not sure what my problem is. I've never been diagnosed with any illness, but for a while I've dealt with self-esteem problems, depression, and things of the like. I finally pinpointed the general cause of this, and I don't know if it's just a me-thing or if it's somewhat common. My problem is, when I hear of people doing bad - killing, robbing, and even common immoralities like pre-marital sex and cussing - I feel personally responsible and guilty. I can't explain it, I don't know why or how to stop it, but it happens and it's causing many problems for me. I was wondering if this is an actual psychological illness, or just irrational thought. What can I do to help this problem, and stop me from feeling guilty for things in which I had no part?

Thanks,
Kristi

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
My Quotes:

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13
"The word of God is pure; He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him." Proverbs 30:5
"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes."
"Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either... just leave me the hell alone!"
"If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting!"
"I always wanted to be a procrastinator, but I never got around to it."
"My inferiority complex isn't as good as yours..."

Self esteem issues and guilt are fairly universal symptoms in our society. You don't have to suffer from a mental illness to feel inadequate or depressed at the way our world is. It's only when these feelings dominate your life that it may be a serious problem. I'm not sure from your letter if these feelings have been debilitating for you. If it has been, then you might want to consider seeing a therapist.

Your feeling personally responsibly for "immoral" or evil things may be related to the dark side of your own psyche. All of us have thoughts of lust, hate, vengeance and cynicism. When we experience these thoughts, they can be in conflict with the kind of person we want to be, especially if we have strong religious or moral beliefs. This is a struggle between the ideal we aspire to and our human imperfections. This is a greater source of conflict when we are younger and perhaps a bit more idealistic. As we get older, we learn to accept our own imperfections and develop the ability to balance our inadequacies with our strengths.

Your affirmations indicate strong spiritual values and at the same time, a sense of humor. As you get older I hope that both these parts of you grow and become one. Please feel free to write me again.

Happy,

I'm trying to make a few extra Easter bucks, so I am entering a Motel 6 "SLOGAN CONTEST" with a BUNCH of WINNERS. Wanted to run a few past you so I don't waste the postage sending in ones that don't have a chance. Please let me know which ones you feel would be a complete waste of 34 cents.

Edna

"Because you deserve better than the back seat of his car."
"As seen on 'COPS.'"
"If we'd known you were staying all night, we'd have changed the sheets."
"Not just for nooners anymore."
"We left off the "9", but you know it's there."
"You rented the room, now buy the video."
"Sure, you could stay someplace nicer, but then you wouldn't have money left over for the hooker."
"We'll leave the Lysol out for ya!"
"Sure, we're not the Ritz, but just try taking the secretary there on your salary, pal"!
"We don't make the adultery. We make the adultery BETTER!"
"It's Hookerriffic!"
"Cheap and easy, just like you enjoy it."
"We put the 'Ho' in Hotel."

The slogans are great! They are all winners in my book. As far as the 34¢ is concerned, maybe you can hand deliver the entries. Isn't there a Motel 6 right next store to the Circle K Trailer Park? I stayed there when I visited you last year and I still have the complimentary VD test voucher.

I am a bipolar disorder patient...I have more depressive states than manic.....sometimes I wish I could get manic to get something done.....my question is I am on Trileptal for the bipolar and Effexor XR for anxiety, I guess....what does seizure medication have to do with bipolar disorder...sounds like a stupid question but when I look up these drugs there is no mention of bipolar patients...Kinda scares me to take seizure meds when I don't have seizures....I constantly gain weight. Some is my fault but I feel like its' this drug too....what do you think......I'm a chronic cycler...up and down, up and down.....wish I could stay normal but what is that????

Dear PV,

In recent years, it was discovered that seizure medications such as Depakote and Lamictal are very effective mood stabilizers for people suffering from bipolar disorder. The advantage to taking these drugs are a lower toxicity level than Lithium Carbonate, a medication that has been used for Bipolar Disorder for over 40 years. Lithium Carbonate continues to be used in cases where other medications are less successful and that may still be an option if you. I would speak to your psychiatrist about medication options. I am not familiar with "Trileptal." Perhaps you are spelling it wrong. Increased appetite can be a side effect for some medications. Here again you need to speak to your psychiatrist about this.

Most people suffering from bipolar disorder experience the depressive states for a longer duration than the manic state. There is a point during one's mania that you feel extremely energized and motivated. At some point though, the mania clouds judgment and can very destructive. When the body can no longer endure this high energy level, the cycle switches to depression and there is a much longer recovery time. If your mood stabilizer is working the way it should, the rate and intensity of these cycles should diminish. Some people who suffer from bipolar disorder actually miss the "highs" but overall, they function better when their mood is more stabilized.

Continue to work with your psychiatrist PV to find the best course of treatment. Don't hesitate to ask questions about the medications you take and their side effects. A good psychiatrist will be happy to explain things to you and work with you. If your current psychiatrist isn't doing this, it may be time to see someone else. Good luck and please feel free to write again.

happy(andcurrentlymoodstabilized)shrink

I am at day 5 or 6 now of NO SMOKING .. One would think I would be feeling better. WELL I AM NOT ! Which brings to mind again this nice little relaxation exercise.

Picture yourself near a stream.
Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool mountain air.
Nothing can bother you here.

No one knows this secret place.
You are in total seclusion from that place called "the world."
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
The water is so clear.
You breathe deeply.
You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water.
Look. It's the person who caused you all this stress in the first place.
What a pleasant surprise.
You let them up ... just for a quick breath ...then ploop! ..
Back under he/she goes.
You allow yourself to take as many deep breaths as you want.
There now...... Feeling better?

PS... Don't anyone write to congratulate me .. it is only a matter of minutes or hours or MAYBE even days before I tear open the door and RUN TO THE STORE for a WONDERFUL PACK of Kool Naturals !!!! AHHHHHHHH ... KOOOOOOL ~

I really hope you do stop smoking. Your voice has gotten so deep that last time I spoke to you on the phone, I thought I was talking to Barry White!

What is the best anti depressant that is available today that can recommended to be used to the affected patients?

There is no one medication that is the best for everyone. The most popular antidepressants today are Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRI's) They include Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil and Celexa. While these are extremely effective medications, there can be side effects in some people including sexual dysfunction. Other medications like Wellbutrin and Effexor have a lower incidence of side effects (but not for everyone) and are also very popular. In some cases, more than one medication is prescribed to maximize effectiveness. The best medication(s) available for you or whoever is clinically depressed are the ones that reduce symptoms while having a minimum amount of side effects.

Being evaluated by a competent psychiatrist can facilitate this process. The psychiatrist will evaluate your symptoms, take a family history, look at past and present medical conditions and take into account your present lifestyle to determine the best medication for you. Good luck

I guess you never had some big fat guy in a red suit break into your home at 1:00am on Christmas morning. If you did you would be afraid too.

My 17 year old daughter is an honor student in high school and is very popular. She seems to be well adjusted and happy. Two of her friends are taking Zoloft for depression. Last week my daughter came to me and said that she thinks she needs to be on medication. I must admit that I was taken by surprise and responded defensively. I told her that she was fine and didn't need to be on medication. I told her she was healthier than her two friends and she was being silly.

What's going on? It seems like most of the kids in her school are on some prescription medication for depression, anxiety or sleep problems. I don't want my daughter to take medication that she doesn't need just because her friends are taking them. But could she have a problem that I'm not aware of? We have a great relationship and she shares a lot with me. What am I missing here? If you have any thoughts about this it would be greatly appreciated.

It is possible that your daughter is trying to identify with her friends who are on medication. If that is the case, you and she should certainly not consider psychoactive medication as an option. Despite the fact that you have a close and sharing relationship, you can't possibly know everything that your daughter is going through. I would suggest you have her see a therapist so she can talk about what's troubling her. You can also give her therapist the information about her two friends so that everything is taken into consideration. If the therapist feels that a more comprehensive assessment is needed, he/she may ask for a psychiatric evaluation. No good child psychiatrist will give medication unless there is a compelling reason.

The fact that so many kids are on medication these days is very disturbing and I wonder what the impact is on society's future. In addition to random acts of violence, there is a huge increase in suicide and suicide attempts among teenagers. How have all the best intensions of baby boomer parents resulted in a generation of depressed and angry kids? That's not something that has a simple answer but it's one that must be addressed beyond the politics of guns and video games. Those are simplistic answers to very complex questions. We need more than TV talk show banter to solve these problems and perhaps it needs to start with your PTA. OK, I'm done pontificating.

My Momma always told me, that no matter the status of the person you meet, there is somethin' to learn from ever one. And you are my inspiration. But ya know, me beein' from Alabama, where things are done a lot differn't from anywheres else, I just don't understand your last answer ta me. Don't git me wrong, I read your answer to Ezra just the way ya writ it, but he didn't know what it meant either. You bein' smart and all, I'm sure you is right, but what does that word "molestation" mean? We never dun herd that big word afore. Momma an' Edna an' me looked in the dictionary and it said "indecent advances". We didn't understand that either, so we looked up indecent and it said "unbecoming". We think we got it now, but let me know if we is right. "Unbecoming advances" means you don't need ta be commin' fer no money afore pay day cuz you ain't gittin none.

That's exactly what I was trying to say. I'll try to use smaller words next time. Thank you for your intrepid tenacity in your endeavor to interpolate my obtuse ideations.

Can you tell me what the difference is between pervasive developmental disorder and autism? Are they the same thing? I am writing a paper for school on autism and came across an article on pervasive developmental disorder and am wondering if it would be of any use to compare the two things or if they are, in fact, the same thing. Thank you.

Autism is a Pervasive Developmental Disorder occurring in young children before the age of 3 years characterized by unresponsiveness to human contact, deficits in language development, and bizarre responses to environmental stimuli. There are other PDDs including Asperger's Syndrome and Pervasive Developmental Disorders Not Otherwise Specialized (NOS). What is common among all children suffering from PDD are impairments with communication marked by poor or dysfunctional relationships with others. Pervasive Developmental Disorder is the umbrella term for all of these conditions.

If you want more detailed information, do what I have told other kids who have school assignments. Look it up on the Internet or go to a Library. That's one more option than I had when I went to school.

Who said Trailer Trash aren't smart ?? Let me tell you a little story. This past Christmas Bubba made a phone call to the FBI ... went something like this ....

"I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood." Bubba said.

The next day, the FBI agents descent on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.

It was clever when Bubba did that once. The fifth time he tried it, the FBI got wise to his shenanigans and decided to search his trailer. With good behavior, we can hope to see old Bubba by Christmas 2008.

I found your site on the internet and am hoping you can give me some advice. I recently formed a friendship with a man I met on the internet. We visited quite often and had a lot in common. He approached me one day with a big huge problem he had, and I did the best I could to help. Anyway, he began bugging me about why I never spoke about myself. It turned into a situation where if I didn't tell him what he wanted to know, he was going to end the friendship. So I did.

The thing is, I was stalked for several years in real life by an old boyfriend, was attacked and had many other horrible things happen. It is not anything I have ever spoken about to anyone. This man I was friends with is a psychiatrist. He disappeared on me after I told him what he wanted to know. I mean completely. I have not heard from him for about a month. I am somewhat depressed about this and am trying to get over it.

I am considering contacting him but I think that would be kind of pushy. I mean it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that he has dropped me like a hot potato once he got his information. Do you have any advice for me? Should I contact him and find out why he disappeared? Should I just forget it? I am somewhat depressed over this whole thing. Thanks.

My gut feeling is that you are probably better off without this guy in your life. He wanted you to share something intimate and you did what he asked. You shared a very personal and traumatic experience with him. As a psychiatrist, I would have expected him to be compassionate and understanding about what you had been though. Instead, he heads for the hills. As a recovering trauma victim, that is just the type of negative reinforcement you didn't need.

There is no excuse for that, if in fact he is a psychiatrist. I would almost like to think he's not because the world doesn't need another self- centered, egotistical person in the mental health profession. The Internet is still a great place to meet people Elizabeth but you have to be careful. Intimacy occurs very quickly on the Internet and while you may feel like you really know someone, you can be fooled. You aren't the first or last person to meet someone on the Internet whose character is flawed or who misrepresents his or herself. Still there are many nice people out there and I sincerely hope you meet some.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. FORGET jogging to firm them up .. - it makes the ice jump right out of my martini glass. What do you suggest ?

I would like to know what to do about my nephew, who I watch after school. He was a very good baby and a nice little boy, but recently I have noticed some changes in him that are somewhat concerning to me. He is in 7th grade now and his politeness has seemed to all but vanished. He addresses me as "Jane" not "Aunt Jane". He comes over to my house every day after school and spends at least an hour complaining about everything around him - his friends, his school, his parents, me, his uncle, his cousins, you name it - he's complains about it. His cousins, my kids, are 19 and 22 and I honestly don't remember that they ever went through this. His mother and I have an uncle who is bipolar. Do you think that this could be the start of something serious? I have spoken with my sister about his behavior, but apparently he doesn't act this way at home. Any advice you can give me would be appreciated. I love my sister and I love my nephew and don't intend to stop having him over, but I am worried about him.

I think all parents successfully repress their memories of how difficult the transition from pre to early adolescence is. Your kids may have manifested their struggles in a different way but I am sure they went through some difficulty during their puberty. Most 12 or 13 year olds (which one would expect his age to be) are going through some significant physical as well as emotional changes. Combine that with your seeing him right after a full day of school and I can certainly understand why he's usually in a very grouchy mood. Complaining is also something that grown-ups do and his calling you Jane instead of aunt Jane tells me that he wants to be more grown-up. He is beginning to feel like he should have more power and control over his life and he will complain about anything that makes him feel "oppressed." Parents, relatives, school, teachers and friends are all fair game Aunt Jane.

While there is a hereditary link with bipolar disorder, you nephew's behavior does not indicate anything unusual at this time. His behaviors are typical of a healthy kid who wants to grow up faster than his family will or should allow him to. Just keep being the kind and loving aunt you have always been and I'm sure that you, your nephew and his parents will survive these changes.

To protect my anonymity and to spare me the incredible shame of writing to a therapist, I am giving my name to you as Martin Pinhead. I am writing to you because I do have a serious sexual problem well actually, it’s my girlfriend's (let's call her Shirley Sue) problem) and I am in great hopes that you can help me with it.

I, myself, am perfectly normal in contrast to my girlfriend. I will be forty-one years old this April and I have never had sexual intercourse. I was born to and raised by a Baptist minister and his wife. During my childhood, my mother went to great lengths to shield me from the evils of sex. I was told that women possess a set of razor sharp teeth in their vaginal area and just before a woman’s wedding night, a dentist removed the teeth. I was raised to believe that lightning bolts struck those who played with their private parts and that homosexuals were from outer space.

I was thus raised in this perfectly normal environment and all was well and good until I met my sexually deviant girlfriend, Shirley Sue. Shirley Sue and I met in October of last year, yet we have yet to consummate our relationship. Shirley Sue’s problem is namely this: I have a wonderful stuffed animal collection (300 teddy bears in all, to be precise) that sits in our bedroom. All I ask, is that the teddy bears be in the room when Shirley Sue and I go about our sexual duties. Well, Shirley Sue has some unreasonable hang-up about my 300 polyester friends watching us. Don’t you find that odd? I certainly do.

Now, to top it off, my mother (who despises Shirley Sue because she is a cheap tramp) has decided she wants grandchildren. There’s just so much pressure involved here that I fear, even if my girlfriend Shirley Sue would concede to having sex in front of the teddy bears, I might be too stressed out for my filthy nether regions to perform.

I’m sure this is a common dilemma for couples and I am in hopes you can advise me on it.

Did you know that teddy bears are toys of Satan? With all the good teaching your momma gave you, I would have thought she told you about that. I can only hope and pray to the Lord that somehow those teddy bears would disappear and that miracle would be your sign from him that you can now consummate your relationship with Jewi.... Shirley. Don't worry about those teeth you find down there either. Shirley is no spring chicken and her gums are in terrible condition. I wouldn't be surprised if every last tooth is gone by now. Good luck on your big night with Shirley. I hope she's over her "black widow spider" phase.

My friend and I both have sons with Asperger's Syndrome. My son is on Zoloft for panic attacks. Hers is on it for aggression. I have not heard of Zoloft for aggression. Is it appropriate? It isn't working for either my son or hers for the aggression. But it is working for the panic attacks.

Zoloft is an SSRI antidepressent (selective seratonin reuptake inhibitor) that has a variety of uses including panic attacks, anxiety, and is sometimes substituted for or used in conjunction with Ritalin, Concerta, or Adderall. During puberty and even pre-puberty, hormonal changes can alter the effectiveness of some medication. Child psychiatrists will often add another medication when this happens. Some medications when used in combination can actually have greater range of usage and effectiveness. This is called adjunctive medication therapy.

As you already know, Asperger's Syndrome is a serious pervasive developmental disorder that can not be cured. It can only be treated in hopes of reducing and controlling symptoms. Any new medication regimen has to be closely monitored over a period of time to see if there is any significant benefit versus significant side effects. I don't know if the Zoloft is the answer for either you or your friend's sons but you need to work closely with your treatment team in order to determine if and when a change of treatment is indicated. Good luck CF and please update me on the progress of both boys.

I needed to run something by you. Now, mind you, this is all a what-if kind of deal. Nothing like this really happened: What if a gal had a fella and this fella had him a slew of stuffed animals. And what if this gal didn't particularly like these stuffed animals so she hauled off and stuffed them all in some garbage bags and took them up to the Dew Drop Inn. And what if this same gal stashed those garbage bags in the beer cooler thinking they'd be safe in there and nobody would mess with them.

Now, Happy, keep in mind, this is all still hypothetically speaking, but .... what if this gal's friend at the Dew Drop Inn (let's call her Edna to protect her identity) What if she thought those garbage bags in the beer cooler were full of garbage and she threw them in the dumpster out back of the Dew Drop Inn and then the trash man up and hauled them off to the landfill.

Your a real smart guy so I thought I'd get your two cents on this one. You see, my boyfriend's been real upset since his teddy bears turned up missing. I don't know if he could handle knowing that the woman of his dreams (accidentally) murdered them.

Normally I tell people that honesty is the best policy. In your case I will make an exception. Here is my top 10 list of excuses or reason's you can give your boyfriend for the disappearance of his Teddy Bears.

8- After Tony "the Brick" Luciano got finished with Enis Hoppenstetter, he felt real bad and needed some things to cuddle with.

7- Edna mistook them for road kill and they were part of last Sunday's church dinner

5- The heirs of Teddy Roosevelt have successfully sued for copyright infringement and they had to be destroyed.

4- They are all in Washington DC in front of Capital for the "Million Teddy Bear March."

2- They were given to the White House to keep George W Bush occupied during cabinet meetings.

I am a 20 year old woman who has been dating the same guy for 2 years. I will be graduating from college in 1 1/2 years and going on to med school. I really thought that the man I was seeing was the only one for me, but lately he has been doing and saying some things that are making me a little bit alarmed and I've been afraid to tell anyone about them. Everyone sees us as the perfect couple. We are both good looking, get high grades, are active socially and come from good families.

He has wanted me to start being tied up when we make love. I have allowed him to do this once because I thought he just needed to get it out of his system and then he would stop. When he did this, he called me his bitch, his slut, and told me that he wanted to beat me until I was bleeding and begging him to stop. Of course, he didn't do any of those things, but I was naked, tied to a bed and I was scared. I told him afterwards that he scared me and he was very apologetic and held me and promised that he wouldn't do anything like that again.

Last week after doing laundry, I was putting some things away and came across a video that he had stuck in his drawer. It was called "Date Rape Sluts" and had several very horrifying scenes on the front. I asked him about it and he claimed that it belonged to a friend and that he hadn't even watched it. I don't know why it was in his drawer then. We have made love since that time and he has gone back to being the kind, considerate lover that he was. Only I don't completely trust him anymore.

I wonder if there isn't something that he's hiding from me and I don't want to have anything to do with him if that's what he wants. I can't help but feel like he's just hiding it. And if this is what he's going to want and I don't give it to him, I wonder if he will go out and find it elsewhere. This is putting a real damper on our relationship, to say the least. I don't know whether or not to just break it off or talk to him or talk to someone else about it. I don't know what to do.

There are people who enjoy sexual role playing include "domination" type activities. This does not make them deviant or dangerous for most part. It is important when these activities occur, it happens between consenting adults and both parties enjoy the role playing. In addition, there should be no physical or emotional harm occurring. Having said that, your boyfriend's behavior is still disturbing and he did actually inflict emotional harm upon you.

I would strongly suggest you have couples counseling. During these sessions you must let him know what your expectations are with regard to how you relate to one another both in and out of the bedroom. People who are compatible in every other way can have different expectations with regard to sex. He has a right to have certain desires just as you do. You both need to talk honestly about your expectations and limits with regard to your sex life. Everyone has the right to say no to things that make them uncomfortable. Above all a good relationship must include respect and acceptance.

See if couples counseling can help you come to terms with these issues or if it's time to go your separate ways. Good luck Miss Trust-ful and let me know what happens.

Well, it was real nice meeting you. Thanks for putting in the good word for me at my parole hearing and letting me spend a couple of nights at your place. I thought I'd let you know that I made it to Disneyworld just like I always wanted to do. When I got down here, I didn't have me no cash and I'd maxed out your credit cards so I had to mug a couple of people to get the admission fee to get in. Once I got in, I was pretty hungry so I pickpocketed enough to buy a Disneyburger and a couple of souvenirs-- I got me a Mickey Mouse ornament to hang from the rearview mirror of the next car I steal and a pair of Donald Duck gloves to keep the fingerprints off of my next break-in. And I got me a Goofy sportsbottle--for when I'm driving around drinking whiskey.

Then I did what I've always wanted to do. I waited in line to meet Mickey Mouse. (Well, I didn't exactly wait in line, because I ain't really no good at that. What I did was start screaming and flailing my arms like I was really nuts and all the kids around Mickey just kind of scattered.) Then I got to meet him--well, briefly, before the security guards tackled me and threw me out. But I waited outside the gate for a long time in hopes that Mickey would come out of there. But he never did. Maybe he lives in there and doesn't have him an apartment somewhere in Orlando like I had him figured for. I bet they don't let him party very much in there tho becuz the whole place looked pretty straight-laced. I bet he's got to sneak in his women and his liquor.

Anyway, I thought I'd write and tell you about my big adventure. Oh, and by the way, I ditched your car in a lake not far from Disneyworld--and about stealing your car--I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't steal something that got better gas mileage and didn't use as much goddamn oil! Your piece-of-shit car about bankrupted me on the way out here--I had to knock over at least two more liquor stores then I'd planned on just to keep it running! Shit--and with all the belts and filters I had to replace! Didn't you ever get maintenance on that car ?

Well, this is goodbye forever. Unless I get busted and land in jail again. And then I'll write you if I ain't got nothing better to do.

I feel really bad about this but confession is good for the soul. You actually didn't stay with me when you were released from jail in New York. I remember your sister's visit 2 years ago and I am still paying off the debts from that little fiasco. So I asked my friend Tony "the Brick" Luciano to have you stay with him and tell you that he was me. Tony will be arriving in Florida any time now along with his friends Jimmy "the Noose" and Sal "the Skull." You might not want to tell Tony about his car being in some lake. That car had a great deal of sentimental value. He did his first contract in that car. Good luck Enis. You might want to give your sister Edna a DNA sample so the police can make positive ID when they find your remai..... when they find you.

How you feelin? Anyways, I'd like to ask you a question. Lately, I'm having more bad days than good days, and this sometimes leads me to hate even seeing people. I'm a high school student, and sometimes I feel very unhappy about how school goes or how things are going in general and sometimes just need to have a better, happier outlook on the day. Have any suggestions? Please write back.

High School is supposed to be a happy time in one's life but very often it is a difficult struggle where one has to think about college, career, training, driving a car, becoming an adult, developing intimate relationships, taking on more responsibility.....whew! I'm getting dizzy just thinking about it. You sound like you might be suffering from depression. Perhaps you can talk to a school counselor about it. If necessary, he/she can refer you to a psychiatrist or a psychotherapist to be evaluated. Talking about how you are feeling will help you to have a better and happier outlook on every day RM. Try to do this with your friends and if necessary, with a counselor. Everyone will have bad days RM. Just try to remember that good days are ahead too. Good luck and please update me on how things are going.

I am taking a job at the school cafeteria but I'm only doing this job until my big break comes along. I've applied as head chef at the Ritz-Carlton in New York. I know they want me-it's just taking some time to work out the details. I've been applying for seventeen years now and I know I'm starting to wear them down. I'm so sought after because of my superior command of the culinary arts-even though I never went to cooking school. I learned everything I know from my mother. She was a bag lady who used to scrounge through dumpsters for food. Not just any dumpsters. She rummaged through the dumpsters of some of the finest restaurants in Alabama. She taught me that there's a whole lot of creative things you can do with peelings, pits and bones. She taught me that there's really very little difference between coarsely ground pepper and mouse droppings. And she taught me that no food ever really goes BAD, it just EVOLVES into something mushier and greener. I take pride in incorporating her teachings into the school lunch program.

You may read about me someday in "Bon Apetit" or "Gourmet" magazine. And you can say you knew me way back when--way back when I was serving expired meat and runny pudding to the losers at the Circle K Alternative High School.

You know us New Yorkers don't have the same constitution that you folks down in Dixie have. I'm not sure that "mushier and greener" will work at the Ritz Carlton. I hope it doesn't work at Pizza Hut or Burger King either. Keep up the good work you are doing at your current job. If the kids in the Circle K Alternative High School can withstand your food, they will do great against chemical warfare should we have another Gulf War. Think of yourself as a patriot Edna.

What sort of therapy would you suggest for someone who is afraid of large places? I have never been comfortable in malls or airports and am in the unfortunate position of having to travel for my job. I find that each trip brings with it more and more anxiety as I anticipate the size of the airport or train station, my fears about becoming lost in a foreign country, what size of hotel I will stay in and the numbers of people that I will encounter. Any advice would be appreciated.

Anxiety or phobia with regard to large and crowded places is a common condition and is best treated behaviorally. I would suggest you see a behavioral therapist who can help you reduce your symptoms and feel more relaxed in these environments. You may never feel totally comfortable in these places you have to visit, but you can feel better than you do now. If your job has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) program, that might be a good place to seek the help you need. They can evaluate your situation and refer you to the right type of clinician. Good luck and please let me know how you make out.

Well, I thought I’d keep you up on how my musical career is going. As you recall, I run off some weeks back so’s I cood join the country-rock band, "Nasal Twang & the Mucus Membranes". We is touring down in Missouri right now and we is very popular. In the tavern we played last weekend, nearly twenty people come to see us and only seven of them people were employees of the bar and had to be there.

Mr. Twang is a generus fella who knows good talent when he spots it. That’s why he hired me. He also hired me becuz I will work for nothing and I will carry all there shit out of there truck and wash there truck and run to McDonald’s for them and do there laundry and line up groupies for them to sleep with and make there hotel reservations and run and get them beer and cigerettes and then when the gig is over I will carry all there shit back into the truck agin.

But I think the main reason Mr. Twang wanted me in the band is becuz he knows I write good songs and am a reel good gitar player. Mr. Twang said, next Sunday, if he ain’t too hung over and if he don’t get lucky on Saturday nite and if his wife and kids aren’t in town to visit him, he might let me play for him. I think that right there shows that he has some reel intentshuns of letting me play in the band. I hope my family is doing O.K. I hope my girlfrend Marsha ain’t too pissed off at me and my infunt son, Ozzy Axl Cobain understands that his daddy just had to run off and be a rock star. When I get reel famous and I got me a limo and a showfer and a big-ass manshun, they’ll all understand why I had to do this.

In the mean time, you might be reel proud of me on account that I’m reelly doing something with my life and I ain’t just following some crazy pipe dream like my mom did. Which reminds me that I got to go becuz I got to clean out Mr. Twang’s pipe and polish his cowboy boots and run and get him some condoms.

I am right proud of you. This is the longest period of time that you have not been in juvenile detention or jail. Just make sure that when Mr. Twang wants you to play for him, it's the guitar he's talking about. By the way, your momma is still chasing those crazy pipe dreams. This week she is trying to become the number one Mary Kay Cosmetic lady in the Circle K Trailer Park. She's got stiff competition, but if she remembers to wear her dentures, put on clean underwear and cut down on the use of the "F" word in her sales pitches, she's got a shot.

Ok I have a problem, it's my shyness. I'm not shy all the time, its weird but at times (not very often) I can talk to people just fine. But most times I hate socializing. I avoid going out with friends if I know there is going to be someone I don't know. Once I get to know them (usually through them talking to me first) I'm kinda talkative, but if they don't talk first there is probably no chance of us being friends.

I've always avoided class presentations, I know everyone hates going up in front of the class, but I get really shaky, I get short of breath, I swallow in-between words, I have to pee real bad... and so on. I've even flunked a class because I never did presentations, read out loud, I'd rather get an F on the work than go through that. Its so hard for me to make and keep friends. I still feel weird when I go out to eat lunch with a high school friend, I feel uncomfortable. I even ordered a pamphlet from the PAXIL website, but I felt weird after taking their test. Its probably because I'm insecure and maybe its just me being me, but I was wondering what you could recommend for me to do. Thanks, I really appreciate it.

While medication can be helpful in reducing anxiety and treating panic attacks it does cure shyness. It is certainly not the first course of treatment I would consider. If you look beyond the shyness, you usually find someone who has low self esteem. Often shy people feel that they don't have anything important enough to say so they say nothing. This just reinforces their isolation and self consciousness.

I have a few suggestions very shy. There are support groups for shy people and/or assertiveness training workshops. Perhaps a school counselor or your family physician might be able to direct you to such a program. Other places to look for such programs are Y's, Community Centers and Medical Centers. Another thing you might want to do is speak to a counselor. Just being able to talk about your shyness can be helpful. Here again, you can ask your school counselor for a referral.

Lastly very shy, I want you to try something next time you go out to a social event. I want you to do a little bit of preparation. Come up with a list of topics or interests you feel comfortable talking about. It could be a school subjects, news events, sports events, hobbies, TV shows, etc. In order for you to meet new people you need to find a common interest. If you feel you have something to say, you are more likely to speak up. Try it and let me know what happens very shy. Good luck.

Well, it's lucky for Bubba that we now have us one of them little satellite dishes, or by God, I would have been out of this relationship a long time ago! If I couldn't watch all them TV. channels, I tell you-the hole damn thing just wouldn't be worth it! Just wait till you here the latest! Last Sunday morning, somewhere in the neighborhood of about 3 a.m., old Bubba comes a-rolling in home after a night out of partying. And he ain't alone-he's got this girl --Tiffany or Steffany or something like that --with him. She must have been all of about 18, but of coarse she was a married woman too or Bubba wouldn't have wanted her.

Anyhow, Bubba brings her into our bedroom and wakes me up. Well, I woke up and there the two of them were, all drunk and just a-looking at me. Then Bubba says to me, would I mind getting out of the bed and sleeping on the couch so's the two of them could use the bed. Well, I was just about to let loose on Bubba when he reminded me that the couch was out in the living room and so was the TV. set. And then he asked me real sweet if I wouldn't like to watch an episode of "Hawaii Five-O" about then.

Well, damn it, Happy, he knows how much I like that show so I went on ahead. And I had to turn it up pretty loud too to drown out the sounds that them two made in the bedroom. And they went on making them sounds right thru the whole show, right up until the part where McGarrett says, "Book 'em, Danno." I put my foot down then though-becuz "Cagney and Lacey" was on next and I don't really care for them. After they rolled the credits on "Hawaii Five-O", I marched right in that bedroom and told bubba and Tiffany-- or Steffany or whoever the hell she was to just get out. But they were already thru anyway and they was getting there clothes back on. (It seems Tiffany or Steffany or whoever had to teach Sunday school later that day and she had to head home.)

Bubba had me fix her some breakfast. Damn her-do you know that she complained that my eggs was runny and my bacon was greasy? Bitch. She's got nerve, let me tell you. After she left, Bubba, romantic that he is, thanked me for putting up with him and his ways. He said not just any woman would put up with his shenanigans and he was lucky to have me. But then he said that Tiffany or Steffany or whoever she was (becuz he couldn't recall her name either) had been right about the breakfast I made. It had been pretty shitty.

Next time Bubba comes home with a woman and he wants breakfast the next morning, send them to Denny's.

About 5 years ago, my husband went out of town on a business trip. For quite some time we had been having marital problems and were fighting like cats and dogs. My next door neighbor, John (not his real name) would come over and talk to me and was very understanding. One thing led to another and we finally slept together. Afterwards, we realized that it was not the right thing to have done and have not done it since.

The day after my "affair", my husband returned from his trip and we had a very long talk about our relationship. He explained to me that he was feeling a lot of stress and pressure with his job and realized that he had really been taking things out on me rather than talking to his boss about what his problems at work were. I never admitted to the affair, believing that it would only hurt him and possibly end our marriage. We agreed to get some counseling and then had one of the best nights that we had had in a long time. 9 months later, I gave birth to our son. It seemed too good to be true, because we had been trying for such a long time and nothing had resulted, but here he was. I was overjoyed until a week ago when I found out some bad news.

We had decided to go for baby number 2 and again, have been having problems. This time we decided to get checked out and see what the problem was. It turns out that his sperm count is almost non-existent because of a genetic defect. The doctor said that we even had 1 child was a miracle. It wasn't a miracle. It was the neighbor. I went to him and told him about what I had learned and we had tests done on him and the baby. My neighbor, not my husband, is the father. My husband doesn't know about this and I'm scared to tell him. We have been doing so well for many years now and I just don't even know where to begin. It's only a matter of time before he finds out what the truth is and then I don't know what will happen to me and to the baby. Please help me. I don't know what to do.

This is a very difficult situation and I can not guarantee that any advice that I give you will have a favorable outcome. I agree with you that it's only a matter of time before your husband finds out that your son is not his. Telling him could destroy your marriage and have very negative implications for your son as well. Keeping this secret and worrying about it being exposed is an terrible burden that can torment you for years and years. What I would suggest you do is make an appointment to see your marriage counselor without your husband. Let him/her know what is going on and perhaps you can work out a plan for telling your husband during a marriage counseling session.

As I said, there are no guarantees to how your husband will respond to you, but at least a therapist can attempt to facilitate a positive resolution. Please let me know how things work out. Good luck.

I might be getting a promotion at my job. Fatty Compton had one too many chocolate milk shakes for breakfast this past week and she suffered a massive heart attack while sitting at her desk. She is scheduled for a triple bypass this Tuesday but it doesn't look good for her. Can you believe my GREAT LUCK ?? I've always wanted to be head accountant and now the job is just a few clogged arteries away! Hallelujah-there is a God!

Are you sure it's God that you should be praising. Or could it be.... oh I don't know..... could it be.... SATAN?

If the other person is saying or doing things that can bring emotional, physical or social harm to your friend, then it is the duty of a good friend to let a friend know about these dangers. If the other person is just expressing his/her feelings to you and there is no danger to your friend, I would just leave it alone. If you don't like this person, then stay away from him/her and you won't be burdened with this problem. There are lots of people in the world that have bad things to say about everybody. Who knows what this person says about you behind your back. If you haven't found out by now, it's probably harmless nonsense and you have better things to occupy your time with.

Artie Handcock and his wife Moana like to swing-and not in the playground equipment sense either. They like to spend their weekends cruising Orlando's nightclubs and bars in search of other couples who are up for the old "switcheroo". Take last weekend for example, Artie and Moana were at the Dew Drop Inn. As usual, the couple was in fine form-Artie had on one of his sexiest faux-silk shirts (unbuttoned real low) and some tight, black disco pants and Moana was stunning in her gold metallic jumpsuit with the matching handbag. Their look said they were slick, sassy and very available in the married sense.

Well, they happened to attract the attention of one Don and Freida Plowhorn from the Circle K Trailer Park and it didn't take long before each couple knew what the other one wanted. They agreed to rendezvous at the Osceola Motel. Artie procured a single room with two double beds (under the assumed name of Paul Newman). The four of them settled in then. Someone had brought a six pack of Old Milwaukee. They eyed each other while sipping their brew and made some small talk. Then, somehow, the conversation turned to religion…

Now, the Handcocks are devout Baptists and come from a long line of devout Baptists. Artie's father was a minister at the Circle K Baptist Church for twenty-seven years. Artie attended church every Sunday (except when he was out of town swinging) and Artie had always given to the church no less than five percent of the profits he made from his business, Artue's Adult Books & Sex Toys. Moana was raised the same way. She even lost her virginity to a tent revivalist when she was thirteen. It was a well-known fact that the Handcocks took their faith very seriously.

Well, here was the catch. Come to find out, the Plowhorns were Jewish. That meant they didn't celebrate Christmas or Easter or any of that. It had seemed like a pretty good match up until then. Everybody had been in the mood and the chemistry had been sparking. With the motel room all paid for it seemed a shame to just call the whole thing off, but Artie summed it up best when he said "Well, goddamn it, we just can't swap with someone who don't believe in Jesus."

Perhaps it turned out for the best. As ignorant as Artie and Moana are about Jewish people, just think what they might have thought if they discovered that Don was circumcised. Jewish people have enough problems in Florida with folks believing they have horns and a tail like the Devil. No wonder many of them didn't have the strength to push that chad all the way through the ballot.

I am normally very composed peaceful and respectful and compassionate. I'm 18 by the way. In the last 4 months I have had three episodes in which I am completely not myself, violent, nasty, hateful, physically abusive to anyone around me, and the thing is, I do not have any recollection of these episodes. None. My boyfriend has even named this other person, Shannon. It happened each time when I felt very uncomfortable or threatened. I have had a long history of bipolar and manic depression. What is this? Please respond.

The subject on your email to me was MPD which stands for Multiple Personality Disorder which I assume you suspect that you might suffer from. People who suffer from MPD (which is now a sub-category of Dissociative Disorder) usually suffered a severe childhood trauma which could include physical, mental or sexual abuse. The new personality (it could be several personalities) that emerges, is usual one that can fight off the oppressor. While your description of "Shannon" sounds like it could be a second personality, it could also be a manifestation of your bipolar disorder as well. Individuals who are in their manic state will often become hostile, aggressive and even abusive. They may not remember or have a distorted memory of the severity of their actions once their manic episode had abated. Your boyfriend calls this other person Shannon, and in true cases of MPD, it's the person suffering from MPD that names the second personality.

Given what you have told me VC, I would strongly suggest you be evaluated by a psychiatrist. If you have been diagnosed as having bipolar disorder, you should be under a psychiatrist's care anyway. I would describe to him/her your symptoms and over a period of time it could be determined if you suffer from MPD. This is not a diagnosis that is easy to identify and it may take some time for your psychiatrist to confirm or deny the presence of a second personality.

I would also recommend that you be in therapy. You may need help in looking back to your childhood to determine if there was a traumatic episode or situation that existed which may be causing some of your present day symptoms. It would also help you to cope with your bipolar disorder. Please let me know what you find out. Good luck.

Well, last Friday after the boys cashed their check, they come home an' git Thelma and me, and we headed out to the What Not fer a good time. As we was swingin' by that slut Edna's trailer, her oldest Ezra, stopped us an' jumped in the back o' the pick-up, wantin' ta join us. We was havin' a rip roarin' time. Me bein' with child, I did not want to endanger my child dancin', so I just sat with my Gin an' cigaretts and watched. But that kid Ezra( he is way too smart ta be youngin' o' anyone I ever met in the Trailer Parks I dun lived in or the Republican Rallies I been to)(Maybe he's W's) axed me a question in one of my bar room consultation's as a washhouse shrink (only $2 till I kin find someone ta pay me more). That bein' after the news stories bout clonin'. I thought and thought and I need you ta tell me what to tell him (you bein smart an'all). If you get a clone made and ten or leven years later have sex with your clone, is it homoersexual, incest or masterbation?

Postings from March 16-31, 2001