Letters February 16

It would be nice to be able to avoid all the mean people in the world but that is impossible. The key to dealing with a nasty person is to:

There is a difference between being assertive and being aggressive. Mean people are aggressive and try to invade your space. Defend your space but don't stoop to invading the space of the aggressor. When Bullies and other forms of mean people realize that they can't push your buttons they will move on to someone else.

Well, another year has come and gone and here I am sitting alone in the Dew Drop Inn looking around all blurry-eyed like at the same old shit. I'm on my ninth rum and coke and my second pack of Virginia Slims and I'm sitting here staring at that black velvet picture of all them dogs playing pool that we got hanging on the wall here at the Dew Drop Inn. As I sit here listening to the pool balls striking each other in the background and people telling dirty jokes and laughing and hooting, I got to wonder on this night of my 38th birthday-what the hell have I been thinking all my life!!!

I don't know what happened to the last 18 years. It seems like only yesterday that I was 20 years old and I was out on some dance floor shaking my goods to the beat of some country western song. I remember back then, all I wanted to do was make the rent and find true love and maybe someday get out of Orlando. And now here I am, 18 years later and I'm still worried about the rent, I'm married to a dumb ass who has to have a pack of stuffed animals watch him have sex and I've been out of Orlando only a couple of times. I ain't for sure, but that don't strike me as a real successful life.

When I look back, I got to think hard about what I could have done different. Maybe I should of buckled down more in school. Maybe I should of never took up drinking and smoking and carousing around with every Tom, Dick and Harry. If I'd of tried harder to make something out of myself, if I'd of really worked at it, maybe I could of become a maid for one of them rich people in town or maybe a clerk at the Circle K Convenience Store or maybe (if I'd a really minded my studies) I could have delivered the mail. But so much for them pipe dreams.

Maybe it's time I tried to make something out of myself. Maybe it's time to stop waiting for good luck to find me. Maybe it's time to try harder in life, to straighten up and to stop blowing wherever the goddamn wind takes me!

Ok, getting really desperate. I am 26, never had any trouble sleeping in my life. Last October I started taking Effexor for anxiety/depression. I was on it for about five weeks, got up to the dose of 150 mg a day. After the very first day my sleep became disrupted. After the first week I almost stopped sleeping. Now I can't sleep. I don't have moments in the day when I feel tired like a normal person with biorhythms. I just feel tired, headache, and when I do get some drug induced sleep, Ambien lately, it is very light and I don't dream.

I feel completely overwhelmed. Could this drug have affected my thyroid or adrenal gland?

Medications like Effexor don't usually cause insomnia, but everyone reacts differently to psycho-active drugs and there is a possibility that it affected your sleep. Five weeks on Effexor should not have any long term debilitating effects on your thyroid or adrenal glands either but just to be sure, I would suggest you get a complete physical to see if there is any medical condition that might be causing your sleep disruption.

Anxiety and depression are conditions whose symptoms can include insomnia. If you still suffer from these conditions, your sleep disturbance could be a function of that as well. I would suggest you work closely with both your family physician and psychiatrist to determine what is causing your sleep disturbance and come up with a treatment plan. Please update me on your progress.

Well now the trailer park has a deelemma. Member when I tol' ya bout the heathern of Edna's goin' with Bubba and Dui and My Earl boar huntin' bout a month ago? Well, while we was at the Park Possum festival this weekend, My Earl showd that slut Edna the pitcher of her heathern with the boar. Well, she say she don't think he's hern. She ain't sure. Dui picked him up at her trailer and Edna members seein' him fer a couple years at the table eatin' but she can't member which one he might be. We dun axed everbody in the park. And now we is wonderin' if he mighta got left when somebody hauled their trailer out 'n' forgot him. Or maybe one o' Edna's johns brought him an' forgot him when he snuck out the park. So what we was hopin' is that maybe you could put up this pitcher of him sois maybe somebody kin recnize him. He's a real good shot an' would be a valuable provider fer his family if we kin find 'em. We'en 'll keep him fed till then.

Oh, by the way, that slut Edna won Possum Queen. Kin you believe it? She made up a really stupid poem and flashed the judges a titty.

From the picture, I can't tell if this boy is related to Edna or anyone else at the Circle K Trailer Park, but the boar does look a little bit like your Earl. I hope your baby favors you Gind.

I have a friend, named Alan, who has been depressed in the past, but is currently taking medication for his problems. In the past he has threatened suicide and I have been there with him throughout his problems. I love him a lot and definitely don't think of him differently for having any troubles, but it does affect our relationship.

Many times he expects things from me that I cannot or should not have to give anyone. I feel that he is always getting mad at me for one thing or another because I don't live up to his expectations of what a friend should be. For example, I have a long term boyfriend that goes to another school (I am in college) and he can only visit me on weekends. Alan constantly gets upset at me because I choose to spend time with my boyfriend. I honestly don't know what he expects me to do because I only get to see my boyfriend on the weekends.

Another example happened a couple of weeks ago when we had to choose housing for next year. A group girlfriends and myself got into an on campus apartment which is very had to get. My other friends were not able to get into the apartments, but we had previously discussed that whoever got in would take it. When Alan found out that I was going to take the apartment, he accused me of being a bad friend and even threatened to end our friendship because I apparently was doing something so horribly wrong by wanting to live five minutes away from him.

Most of the time I am in a constant state of stress because I always have to worry what his reaction will be to my actions. In all honesty, I think that I have been a very good and supportive friend, but it is taking a toll on me when I am being constantly told otherwise. When we talk about how he feels I just feel like I'm expected to apologize and beg for forgiveness. Many times he tells me what "he just needs me to do" because he is so insecure about or friendship. I can't constantly tell someone that I care about them when iI think that I show them in how I act. This is driving me crazy. I have talked to a therapist about this, but it is a lot easier to write what I feel than to say it out loud. I feel like I am at the breaking point. I want to know what someone else thinks about this because I don't want to lose my friend.

Your letter does convey your frustration and concern for you friend. What it doesn't tell me is why you want his friendship. I read from your letter that he is domineering, critical, controlling, manipulative and above all someone who takes without giving back. Perhaps he is not as bad as all that but that's what you chose to tell me about him in your letter. Why would you want to have a friend like that? Why would you be so worried about losing such a friend? It does sound like you have invested a lot into this relationship, but where is your payoff? Perhaps the feeling that you have been there for him in the past makes you feel obligated to continue to be there for him. Are you committed to being there for him if he threatens suicide again? Is that realistic in light of the fact that you have a boyfriend as well as other relationships and commitments?

Your friend sounds like someone who is very needy and has managed to get people to rescue him in the past. There is a big difference between friendship and dependency. Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone like Alan is to set limits and if that means an end to the friendship, so be it. It will also be the end of an unhealthy dependency which benefits neither of you. Let me know what you think Maggie. If I missed something, please explain why this guy's friendship is so important to you.

Ever since I was diagnosed with sarcoidosis I have isolated myself from my friends and family and become impossible to live with. A year later I was diagnosed with bipolar, can you tell me if the two are related somehow? Thank-You,

There is no direct genetic or medical relationship between Sarcoidosis, an auto-immune system disease and bipolar disorder however there is always some relationship with physical and psychological problems. If I had to guess, you may have suffered from a mild case of bipolar disorder or perhaps depression before the onset of Sarcoidosis. People suffering from mild forms of bipolar disorder may experience emotional highs and lows but not to the extent that it impairs their day to day functioning. Some may occasional need anti-depressants from time to time, but they are fairly stable unless a crisis occurs.

Once you were diagnosed with Sarcoidosis, it may have created enough distress in your life to intensify your mood swings. Perhaps, you may have initially suffered from what might be called an Adjustment Disorder with Depressed and/or Anxious Mood. Such a diagnosis would be changed after six months. By that time, either a positive adjustment is made, or the condition persists and then becomes a Depressive, Mood, or Anxiety Disorder.

There are many support groups for Sarcoidosis. I would bet that there is one in your area. The Internet had many good web sites on the subject and you might want to do a search to find out more about what you can do to cope with your condition. You don't have to let your Bipolar Disorder or Sarcoidosis disable you TK. Get the support you need from friends loved ones, professionals and support groups. Let me know how things work out.

Happy,

I took that pitiful email Andy sent to you about trying to find a woman and Shatner (Captain Kirk) etc etc .. and forwarded it to William Shatner himself. Maybe you can put this response up there for him to see. (Like he can read )

JeWitch

Dear Andy,

After I read your letter saying that you are desperate to find a woman to date in any galaxy, my heart went out to you. Women are curious alien creatures, they can be hostile (like a Klingon) or warm and sparkling, like that mind-altering cloud we encountered in one of our episodes.

I myself have had so much luck with women because they are simply drawn to a handsome movie star in a harvest gold knit shirt and tight black pants. I can't say as any woman, in this solar system or any other, has ever said "no" to me so I really don't know what you're going through per se. I can tell you however, that some men find women to possess an impenetrable force field. For those men, I would say maybe just wait it out until the woman's force field is down and then set your phaser on "stun" and see if you can possibly drag the woman back to your place.

This advice may not help you so I encourage you to write to one of those other knock-off series captains like that Captain Picard (Patrick Stewart). He might be able to help you because, well, let's face it, he's not the chick magnet that I am. And then you might ask that woman, Captain Janeway, she might be able to provide you with the insight you're looking for.

Do me a favor though, Andy. Just be yourself around women. Unless they have long tentacles or razor sharp teeth or they're thirty feet tall, there's really no need to be intimidated by them. And do me another favor. Don't write me any more letters.

Sincerely,
Mr. William Shatner

After Andy reads this letter, I suspect we will have about a dozen or so UFO sightings at the Circle K Trailer Park. Please don't suggest to Andy to get plane tickets from Priceline.com and come to New York again. William Shatner and I are not related even though the both of us are Jewish and bald.

I have finally got up enough nerve and made an appointment with a PCP. I called to get my records from 1986 so I could take those with me. That way we would know what meds I was on then. They did not have any records, saved after 10yrs, they are destroyed. I thought records were kept forever. Anyway I am going the first week of March. Have not been since February of 1998. Meds used for anxiety normally don't mix with anything do they? I am going to ask for something for my headaches which are becoming more frequent. I also take Tylenol sinus and other over the counter items. But hear nothing mixes with the meds for anxiety. Any suggestions?

I am happy to hear that things went well with your son's court appearance. It sounds like he's doing better and his staying with his grandparents is working out. I am also very pleased that you are seeing a a physician and I would hope that he/she refers you to a psychiatrist. While a Primary Care Physician can prescribe anti-anxiety medication, it would be preferable to be evaluated by a psychiatrist. There are over the counter medications that you can take along with benzodiazepines and other anti-anxiety related drugs. Most psychiatrists are very knowledgeable about what you can and can't take with your prescribed medications. Please consider my suggestion and let me know how things work out.

Hoping you can find me a woman good as my brother Andie found.

ABOUT ME
Age: 20
Weight: 98
Height: 5'11"

Eye color: One grey, one brown
Hair color: Really, really greasy black
Education: formerly a Sophomore at the Circle K Alternative High School

LIKES:
Peeling the skin off grapes so that they look more like eyeballs
Counting the dandruff flakes that fall out of my hair
Chewing my fingernails
Anything about Star Trek
Anything about Star Trek: The Next Generation
Anything about Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Anything about Star Trek: Voyager
Anything about William Shatner
Anything about Leonard Nimoy
Anything about that guy who played "Dr. McCoy"
Sucking on lemons

Talking to people
Being talked to by people
Touching people
Being touched by people
People looking at me
Looking at other people

After looking at your profile, I don't really think you are ready for a serious relationship with a woman. Have you considered a pet Tribble?

My husband and I are trying to conceive our first baby and are having no luck. I am taking Clomid and we have been trying for 5 months now. My husband was on Celexa and is now switching to Wellbutrin. He started off on Zoloft. My question is: could the medicines he is taking interfere with us getting pregnant and what affects will they have on our baby??? Any help or insight would be appreciated. Thank you.

While I have never heard of any of the above medications affecting fertility, Clomid should not be used during pregnancy. Both Celexa and Wellbutrin have been found in breast milk when taken by nursing mothers. It is recommended that one should not take these medications while nursing.

I would strongly recommend that you discuss these medications with your family physician and your psychiatrist. If the problems you have getting pregnant persist, you and your husband should get checked out medically for infertility problems. Your family physician can recommend a specialist for this purpose. Good luck WD and let me know how things work out.

I was wondering how many calories are burned during each minute of laughing?? thanks!!!

Not nearly enough to burn all the Chinese food and Hostess Twinkies that I eat. It may be the best medicine but it's not a cure all.

I wish I had listened to you and taken your advice - boy what a big BIG mistake I made. I read your response and realized that we had never spoken on the phone. That fact made me suddenly very angry and I looked up his name in the phone book and called him. I decided that if he wasn't going to make a move, then I would have to. I got an answering machine with a man's voice on it and assumed (incorrectly as it turns out) that it was him. So, yesterday, I hopped in my car and drove over to what I thought was his house. As it turns out, my cyber boyfriend is a 17 year-old boy and the voice on the phone belonged to his father. Of course, when his mother answered the door, I assumed that she was his wife. I was embarrassed and angry that I had been duped. His mother was fortunately very understanding when I explained what was going on. He was not home (fortunately for him) and I was told that there were going to be some rather severe restrictions made on his "chat" time. Thank God we never had cyber sex! (She did ask me that question).

Happyshrink, this was possibly one of the most horrible things that has ever happened to me. After crawling away from his house in a cloud of shame, I wanted to go home and throw my computer out of my window and never look at it again. I have heard about things like this, but really didn't believe that it could happen to me. This is one sophisticated 17 year-old. I was completely fooled. I still feel, well, used and hurt over this. It's not even that he didn't want me or that we just weren't right - it was that I poured my soul out to someone who wasn't who he said he was. I trusted him and thought that he was for real. It's going to be awhile before I can trust anyone like that again and never, ever, ever on the computer. I have learned my lesson.

Being duped is not something that only happens on the Internet. People have been deceiving others long before there were chat rooms and cyber dating. I hope you learned your lesson to be more careful, but I also hope you get back on line again. There are many great people to meet on the Internet. You just have to take things a bit slower and be more careful as to what you reveal about yourself and who you reveal it to. If someone is overly secretive about certain aspects of their lives while very open about other things you need to ask some questions and get some answers. If the answers don't add up, then say goodbye and move on.

As embarrassing as your situation was, it could have been much worse. Just imagine all the other possibilities. Good luck Cyberqueen. Have safe and prudent fun.

Nobody listens to me at work. Here at least I have everyone's undivided attention. Even, Edna's kids listen to me. I just told Andie to pull my finger. Guess what happened?

There may be many ex-offender assistance programs where you are. In this area we have only one program to help ex-offenders find work. The parole officer refused to refer my boyfriend to the one program that is up and running here because, she said, his BA made him overqualified for the jobs that they had. Like that would matter at this point! He even went to the local community conference center and they set him up with a program to put a resume up on the internet. He has had lots of interviews, but no offers. A recent rash of layoffs in the area have made the competition for work even thicker. If society believes that employment of ex-offenders is preferable to them returning to the activities that resulted in the individual's incarceration, why is it so hard for an ex-offender to find work? He just wants to have a chance to do something positive with the rest of his life.

You can't really help your boyfriend. You can only be supportive and understanding. He must be patient and hopeful that someone gives him a chance. He can't consider returning to criminal activity as an option if he is going to make it. Blaming and feeling victimized doesn't help either. If his parole officer won't refer him to the one program in your area, perhaps he can write a letter to the Program Director or the Intake Coordinator of the ex-offender program. Even if it doesn't help get him in the program, he's still doing something positive. Right now he needs to be involved in positive activities. Going on many interviews may be discouraging but if he toughs it out, something good will happen. It may not be tomorrow or next week, but persistence will pay off.

About 4 years ago, I was out of work for almost a year before getting a job and that was with a Master's Degree and over 20 of professional experience. I went on over 100 interviews and sent out almost 700 resumés during that year. This web page was actually started to keep myself upbeat and positive. I know it's tough out there. Encourage your boyfriend not to give up.

Happy Shrink,

Mom probably told you that my ole lady Marsha is gonna have a kid. Or you probably could here her screaming all the way to New York City. She hasn't shut up since I told her. JeWitch is a happy grandma, what the heck is wrong with my mom?

I made this list of important child-rearing questions that I would like to ask you. I’m gonna raise this baby a hole lot diffrent then my mom raised me. If my kid wants to grow his hair long or stay up late or not eat his vegetables, I ain’t going to ride his ass. I am going to recognize this kid as an individual and let him do whatever the hell he wants. If my ole lady and I do our job rite as parents, we’ll raise a real bad-ass dude (or a real hot babe, you know, if it turns out to be a girl). Anyhow, here is the list:

1) At what age shood we get the baby’s ears pierced? (Boy or girl either one, we want it to look cool as soon as possible.)

2) What rock star shood we name the baby after? (I’m leaning toward Ozzie or Axel)

3) At what age shood we take the baby to his first concert?

4) Where does a person find really hip baby clothes? (like leather sleepers and metallic booties--you know, shit like Madonna wood dress her kid in)

5) If uncool, square people ask to hold the baby shood we say no in case some of the uncoolness rubs off?

6) Shood the baby’s first tattoo be an eagle or a rose?

7) How do we find other cool babies for our baby to hang out with?

Think this stuff over and post an answer when you can, we will keep checking your website when the news comes on (becuz we don’t want to miss any of our regular shows).

Raising a kid won’t be easy. We won’t be able to go to as many keggers (well, not until the baby can walk, that is) and the cost of the baby stuff may be kind of high so one of us shood pick up a part-time job or something. We’ll work out the details later. I think it’s just so cool that there’s gonna be another person on this earth just like me--it’s like the next best thing to cloning!

Andie

Dear Andie,

My solution to most of your questions is to give the baby to JeWitch and let her raise him. She will make sure the baby grows up really cool, it will keep her busy and prevent her from driving her own family nuts. In return you get to watch Montel, Jerry and Sally till the cows come home. (that wasn't a reference to you mama so don't even think that!) Oh yeah, name the baby Hannibal. Once he's in school, it will prevent other kids from messing with him.

happy(goodygoody)shrink

I was very happy when my oldest daughter brought home a report card with all As and Bs (one C). This was a major improvement from the first term. She receives resource room help because she is emotionally impaired (per the school's assessment). So, imagine my dismay when the next week I received a note from the school saying that they are considering retaining her in fifth grade, not because of her academic performance, but because of her socially unacceptable behavior (sucking her thumb, turning her navel inside-out, daydreaming, not socializing with peers). Jeeze!! If they are planning on retaining her at the elementary school for these things, she may eventually be the only 5th grader with her own parking space! Can they do that? I can't see how retaining her in the same grade to repeat the same material next year will cut down on self stimulating behavior. If it didn't stimulate her attention the first time what makes them think that a rerun will be any more stimulating? More importantly, how am I supposed to motivate her to do the work if she did it all this year and flunked anyway?

I don't know if leaving your child back a year is the answer to her social problems. The school does need to address these problems but they should be working with you and your daughter and not threatening the two of you with her being left back. Find out if there is a student advocate's office in your daughter's school system. Many communities have such an office and they can help get your daughter the help she needs.

All schools that have assessed a child to be "impaired" must develop an Individual Educational Plan (IEP). This should be done with your input and involvement. If it hasn't been done, I would find out why. If it has, I would review it and make sure she is getting the help that the plan lays out for her. If all of this is in place and you are not satisfied with the results, you can ask the school to review the IEP and come up with additional resources to help your daughter succeed.

The key here Not A Soccer Mom, is to make some noise and make sure that the school is fulfilling it's responsibility to you and your daughter. If they aren't, make them squirm. They will probably end up promoting your daughter to middle school just to get you out of the PTA. Let me know what happens.

Got me a part time job (Big Al's Adult Book and Sex Toys) that I wanted to tell you about. Being as I don’t know a heap about sex toys, Al’s going to teach me all the ins and outs before we start. He said, by the time he’s done training me, I’ll be an expert on everything from teasers to whips. I’ll know what vibrator to recommend and how rubber lingerie is sized and which one of them inflatable love dolls has the toughest latex skin. I’ll know everything there is to know about freaky fetishes and bizarre sexual fantasies. I bet that will make my momma real proud of me.

I think your momma is already very proud of you. You are the first member of the family who has gone past the 10th grade. Maybe you can talk Al into just letting you work the cash register.

Thank you for your words of encouragement. Yes I keep telling myself and everyone else they are kids! And my 14 yr old stepson did not start this until he turned 13. We have already gone through two stepdaughters growing up. They are now 25 and 24. Wonderful adults and we have great relationships with them. I know that all the teen boys will eventually reach that stage in their lives. It took my brother until he was 30! So knowing the boys take longer than the girls just wears me out.....LOL. Thank you for letting me vent, one thing I have learned from my empowering parents group, don't vent in the direction of the kids. My wonderful husband is right beside me on the same team and the kids know that. That is a big plus. Again Thanks!

I don't blame you for feeling worn out. I've been there....in fact I'm still there. It doesn't get easier but it is nice to have people to vent to. Please continue.

There are so many red flags waving, you might think there was a May Day parade going on. I know people who live on other side of the world who find ways to meet each other once the relationship is established. If you only live 30 minutes away from one another, there are no obstacles other than the things you don't know about him. Clearly, he is hiding something. The only question is, what? I would not go to his house to surprise him because you may end up the one who is surprised. What I would do is confront him.

If you speak on the phone I would ask him straight out why he doesn't want to meet you. If he doesn't have a reasonable answer, (I'm too busy is not reasonable) and is still not willing to meet you, I would end the relationship. Relationships can't move forward unless both people want them to. If one doesn't, the relationship is destined to fail. You can only get more hurt as time goes by Cyber Queen. Cut your losses before they do some real damage. Let me know what happens.

Happyshrink,

I’m a very shy man who lives with his mother and it’s almost unheard of for me to approach a woman, but I finally met your friend Edna and she made a true impression on me. My name is Officer Marvin Cornweld and I met her last week when Officer Ed Mowers and myself went into the Dew Drop Inn to question her about vandalizing the property of and harassing her neighbor.

I have been a member of the Orlando Police Department for three years now. I’ve had to lay my life on the line many times for my job. Do you recall the band of gypsies who came through the Circle K Trailer Park about a year ago? Edna probably told you, she tells you EVERYTHING it seems. Well, it was I who escorted them to the outskirts of town. And about two years back, when a rogue dairy cow got loose in the Circle K Trailer Park, someone had to harness her and load her onto the livestock truck--that was me again. But, I don’t like to brag. I was just doing my part for law and order.

I just wanted to know if you would tell her that that I found her truly captivating. I love the way her gold front tooth sparkles when she smiles, the way she snorts when she laughs and the way she can flick a beer cap clear across a room. She knows more dirty jokes than any woman I have ever known and I’ve never known anyone who can play MANDY with her armpits.

I was hoping that perhaps she might be interested in going out with me. I don't want her to feel pressured to answer me right away. Perhaps you could drop me a note and let me know what her reaction was to what I asked.

Officer Marvin Cornwall

Dear Officer Cornwall,

I spoke with Edna yesterday and she is truly touched by your feelings for her. She is not used to having someone appreciate her talents and good looks. After all the lazy and worthless men she has met at the Dew Drop Inn, she is honored to have a man of integrity and courage you ask her out. She has an opening on the 10th of March between 9 and 10 pm. It will cost you $30.00 plus $7.50 for the motel room. See what good things happen when you have the guts to ask? I do think you are going to get lucky Officer Cornwall if you know what I mean.

happy(verylucky)shrink

I am so sick of the kids blaming the step parents. We have been together for 10yrs, with custody of all the kids and them living with us full time. My son blames my husband for everything and isn't coming to the house as long as he is here. Then my 14 yr old step son keeps telling me he doesn't have to listen to me and he has a "mom". But then when he wants something he is saying, "You should do this you are my parent." Give me a break, I am to tired for these mind games! He would go live with his bio mom if she wasn't living in a small mobile home park living off of her moms social security. He said he is not going there, people will think he is poor. At this point I do not give a shit what people think about him. It is time the step-kids catch on to who is really at the root of their problems!

The key word when you talk about the difficulty in dealing with step kids is "kid." Being kids, they are needy, dependent, emotional and oppositional. Empathy is something that you develop once you have had experiences which allow you to walk in some else's shoes. They don't have that capacity yet. Your kids and your step kids didn't bargain for their parents getting divorced, remarrying and having to accept another parent figure. They will defy you, test you and want you to love them all at the same time. No matter how inadequate the non-custodial parent may be, they still love that parent and will not give up their loyalty to them.

I know this is a tough time for you ocdnetangel. Being patient and understanding helps. It also helps if your spouse and you are united in setting up the rules and supporting one another. Your stepson may not seem like he catches on to whose at the root of his problems, but my guess is that he does. He's just not willing to admit it yet. Give him some time. We all need that when our lives are turned upside down.

There are social service agencies that work with ex-offenders and help them either get training and/or find employment. Your boyfriend's parole officer should be able to provide those resources. You can also try to find resources on the Internet by doing searches on "Ex-Offender Programs." I found a whole bunch of them typing that phrase into my Internet Explorer search engine.

As far as his attitude towards you and his situation, the problem may be more difficult to fix. One of the primary obstacles that ex-offenders as well as ex-addicts (of all addictions) face when trying to start a new life is the fact that they have lost the trust and credibility of people they know as well as people who find out about their past transgressions. The struggle to overcome this is not an easy one. It's so difficult that many fail and will blame others for their relapse. You boyfriend's statement to you is very troubling. He's blaming all the stuff "out there in the street" instead of realizing that he's the one that got himself into this situation. He is focused on his own difficulties rather than appreciating that he has a loving and supportive partner who is patient, understanding and forgiving.

If this attitude continues Alba Tross, it may be time to cut your losses and get out of the relationship. There's just so much you can do and your boyfriend has to do the rest. If he isn't up to the task, your continued support may end up enabling his dysfunctional behavior. This is a hard time for you as well as him. Don't allow yourself to be a victim. Please feel free to write again.

When I look back on my marriage to Jack I sure can't recall what I ever seen in him. Did I ever tell you how we met? It was in detention hall in the eighth grade. He says to me, Lulu Hoppenstetter, I heard you was good in bed. I said to him, That's a lie, Jack Morris, I ain't never been with no one and I don't know nothing about that.

Then he said, I don't believe you, you got to prove it. So I figured in order to save my reputation I had to prove it and that's how me and Jack got Axel. I really wished I done things differently tho, Happy. I should have been like my mom Edna, and waited until I quit high school before having kids. Her life has been so exciting. She mud wrestled in Des Moines for a while, then the roller derby. Now that she got that good K-Mart job, she's sitting pretty.

And just look at me. I love my kids but there's times I'd really like to trade lives with mom. I really should have took her advice and got on birth control in junior high like she did. Maybe I wouldn't be in this mess today. Well, I got to go now. Montel is on. Right me.

Coulda, woulda and shoulda are the most overly used words at the Circle K Trailer Park. Don't let the past get you down Lulu. You are only 15 and have your whole life ahead of you. You can study for your GED on the Internet and once you get that, there is no limit to what you can accomplish. Who knows... you may even get to work along side your mom at K-Mart. Regards to Axel and that other kid with the 12 toes.

Postings from February 16-28, 2001