Letters January 16

Seriously though, this BPD stuff has gotten me very confused and I am not sure what it is I am supposed to do now. I am trying to get my oldest daughter's treatment worked out. My youngest daughter was supposed to be tested for learning disabilities back in December and they still haven't gotten around to starting that yet. The boyfriend thinks that I am just not strict enough and if I don't respond the way he thinks I should during a disciplinary moment (read his mind, I suppose) then he accuses me of undermining his efforts at improving the children's behavior. (Example: he took the gameboy away from kid # because of disrespectful attitude toward me. Kid#1 found kid#2's gameboy and was playing with it and when he confronted her, she told him that I gave it to her. When I said that I did not give the gameboy to kid#1, he got mad at me because I didn't jump up and immediately start disciplining her about lying. He was already talking to her about the gameboy, I didn't want to interfere. He claims that jumping up and confronting her about lying should have been common sense.)

Dear Anyone for Stone Ground Pea Soup,

I think that discipline is a very important part of effective parenting. Not undermining your partner is one of the basic rules of discipline. Kids have a knack of pitting one parent against another and when they are successful, everyone loses. You and your partner need to work out a system of support for one another. This must include being consistent and rational.

Discipline should not be exacted in anger and the "punishment" should fit the crime. Sometimes you have to walk away from the situation for a few minutes and talk about what actions should be taken. Taking away the game boy doesn't teach your child respect. Taking away the gameboy and telling your daughter that she gets it back after she writes a letter of apology for what she said might be a more effective approach. In general, any punishment should have a corrective component to it or you are just teaching your kids that you have more power than they do. They know that by now and they are already pissed off about it. So if they break something, they need to fix it or replace it; if they make a mess, they need to clean it up.

Lying is special problem that doesn't have a easy fit for correction. What is important when a child is caught in a lie is to explain how it affects your ability to trust them or believe what they are saying: "The next time you tell me something, I just may believe you are lying even if you are telling the truth!" That is the consequence of lying and they need to understand that loss of trust is a bigger loss than even a gameboy.

Discipline and correction is not a fix to misbehaving kids. You can only manage your kids behavior. You can not make them angels. (Nor would you really want them to be.) Developing a consistent and fair set of rules for discipline may not work overnight and may need some tweaking along the way. You need to work with your partner to make it happen.

Lastly, I suggest you take JeWitch to Mexico with you. Just think what great things you could learn from the Master.

happy(takingasiesta)shrink

Happy,

You know the NEW Grand.. I mean .. the NEW Nephew has arrived... I am practicing up on my baby sitting skills with Edna's kids.

Just last night I was baby sitting. Little Rusty (I hate that little monster, by the way) was in his room and I could a light coming from under and around the edges of his door. (Damn door in held on there with duck tape, I'll have you know) .. ANY WAY .. I went in there to tell him to SHUT OFF THE DAMN LIGHT and GO TO SLEEP.

He says that he hears noises coming from the closet .. So, being the GREAT BABY SITTER THAT I AM .. I rip open the door to his closet and say "Look, there is NOTHING in here but a bunch of toys and that Raggedy Andy doll I gave you for your birthday .. (that was because of his two brothers Andy and Andie .. hahaha I am a FRIGGIN' LAUGH RIOT aren't I ??) .. .

OOOOPS .. got off the subject .. anyway .. I tell him about Toys .. Raggedy Andy .. yada yada ... and Rusty says " well what if Raggedy Andy were to come to life ?? " I said.. "well .. it would explain that missing hunting knife of Bubba's then, wouldn't it ??"

DAMMIT .. He was up till Edna got home from the bar ..

JeWitch

Dear JeWitch,

Don't Edna's kids have enough problems? If Raggedy Andy did come to life he would probably get the hell out of that nuthouse. So where the hell is Bubba's knife?

happy(nottakingasiestaanymore)shrink

I am an eighteen year old college student. I want to try alcohol but I am a little hesitant to . You see, I have depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder. For these two illnesses I take 60mg of Prozac and .5mg tablets of Ativan PRN. Would a little bit of alcohol put my health in danger? Alcoholism also runs in my family. How much does one drink put me at risk for becoming an alcoholic? If you could answer these questions for me I would really appreciate it. By the way, my height is 5'2 and I weigh 150lbs? How much alcohol can I safely drink?

Alcoholism does have a hereditary component and it is very important to be aware of. As far as your question of how much does one drink put you at risk at becoming an alcoholic I can only say that every alcoholic started with just one drink. In addition, your depression also puts you at a greater risk for alcoholism. Many alcoholics drink to "medicate" themselves. When you take away the alcohol, you are often left with someone who is depressed.

Most individuals on antidepressants such as Prozac can tolerate a moderate amount of alcohol. A glass of wine with dinner is ok for most people unless you suffer from other medical conditions. I would suggest you consult your physician and psychiatrist regarding this issue. I would also caution you not to drink at all while you are taking Ativan or any other anti-anxiety medication. The alcohol combined with an anti-anxiety can increase the potency of the medication. That could result in feeling dazed, falling asleep, loss of impulse control, etc.

I know that alcohol in some colleges and universities are big part of the social scene. Just because something is popular doesn't make it a good thing. There is a lot more to college life than alcohol BL. I hope you find the things that make college life an enriching and exciting experience.

Thank you so much for your explanation of the Godparent thing. I think I got it straight now. But I gots ta tell ya, nobody in the trailer park would ever speak ta me agin if I had Janet Reno be Godfather. You got ta understand, none of us here in the park would even have sex with a Democrat( not even that slut Edna). We was all raised good tobacco chewin', liquor guzzlin', gun lovin', possum eatin', freaky sex in the back seat Republicans. I myself stuffed my first ballot box when I was 9. There is one thing we is serious about, and that is our politics. The greatest hope I could have fer my youngin would be to be a sheriff or county commissioner or somethin'. There is a awful lot of under the table stuff that goes on. A good commissioner kin afford the best doublewide in the park. I have goals fer this youngin. Got to go get lunch packed fer my Earl. (Banana and peanut butter sandwiches and a cold beer. Nothin' too good fer my Earl .)

If the Godfather has to be a republican, maybe it can be that Secretary of State from Florida. You know the one with the really cool hair and the hockey mask? He was wearing a hockey mask wasn't he? When the little one grows up that Secretary of State might be in a position to get your youngin a sheriff or county commissioner job. Wouldn't that be a hoot?

I need help in learning how to help my wife realize that she needs to go/seek counseling. She had a breakdown in 1997, went into the hospital and has almost returned to normal, the doctors/nurses seem to think the main problem stems from her being sexually abused as a child by her father, she has what seems to be a need to have everything in complete control, neatness and order, for example house cleaning, kids homework etc. The doctors at that time they think that she needs to control everything because when she was being abused as a kid she could not control the situation.

Childhood abuse can be a factor in many psychiatric disorders. Your wife's behaviors may be a function of her early abuse, however it is only a problem if it adversely affects you and your children. Getting the kids to do their homework in a timely manner and keeping the house extremely neat is not dysfunctional unless it makes everyone so unhappy and upset that it leads to conflict, anger and other negative behaviors from family members. If this is the case you might want to suggest family counseling to your wife. It will take the focus off of these conflicts being "her" problem initially. If her behaviors are at the root of family conflict, her issues will still emerge and the family therapist may have more influence in getting your wife to get the individual help she needs. If there are other issues causing problems including things that you or your kids may do, the family therapist will be able to identify these as well. Please let me know how things work out.

This is Sedona...fortunately my husband has been clean for three weeks, but he still exhibits the same behavior. I'm about ready to go nuts. I do absolutely everything...I get the groceries, I pay bills, do laundry, do dishes, clean out the car, call the mx man if we need one, open all the mail, pick up his shit, and practically whip his ass for him! And that's just the beginning--16 months of marriage he has maybe helped out and done something, besides go to work, a total of a month or two. Does he have any hope of changing his dependent behavior. I'm tired of it. I've tried to not do things for him that won't drastically cause something bad to happen to us (e.g., bill not getting paid), but it doesn't seem to work. I get angry and he just gets upset because he can't seem to get it together.

I'm tired of telling him what to do, I'm tired of nagging...I might as well be by myself. He sleeps all the time--works the night shift--and even if I ask him to go somewhere with me, he can't seem to get his butt out of bed to do it. I'm not going to drag him out! HELP, I think I'm contemplating just getting divorced and not even worrying about how much clean time he gets...he has a long way to go to be ready for a marriage. I just wish I would of figured that out before hand!

Your husband may have been sober for 3 weeks but he is by no means in recovery. Being in recovery doesn't just indicate that you are not drinking. It means you are taking responsibility for your life and not being a burden to others. Given what you have told me, your husband is all set to relapse. As soon as you express enough dissatisfaction with his behavior or lack of it, he will use that as an excuse to start drinking again and guess who's fault it will be? Yours!

You can't save him Sedona. You can only save yourself. After 16 months of misery, I would urge you to consider cutting your losses. You have a lot of good living ahead if you let it happen. I remember you told me about your elderly friend who felt it was God's will to make her stay with her alcoholic husband for years and years. I hope you find "Sedona's will" to leave yours. You don't have to be a victim for the rest of your life. 16 months is enough. Let me know what happens.

Dear ocdnetangel,

It sounds like things are better between you and your son. Your parents have gotten a good dose of reality and that will also help the process that all of you face. The psychiatrist's plan to start your son on 25 mg. of Zoloft is a conservative approach and one that I agree with. While he still may be OCD or bipolar, right now the Zoloft will help him with his ADHD and his depression. If he still has problems, the psychiatrist will no doubt evaluate him for other meds.

I have never heard of a rule 11 evaluation. It may be something specific to your state or community. If anyone else knows and writes me, I will be happy to post it on this page. I like your approach to helping solve his problems like sending him snacks to school. He may in fact become fatigued by the afternoon and need something to give him energy. Depression and ADHD is very exhausting. It's exhausting for you too, but things are looking up. Keep in touch.

happy(alwayslookingup)shrink

Dear Happy,

Well, tonight the boys are out in the truck running the streets cuzzin' tomorrow's large item pick-up day here in our area of Orlando. What happen was, the last large pick-up day, My Earl and Dui spotted a used washer and dryer out at the curb whilst they was commin' home when they spent the last of that weeks money at the What Not. Knowin' that this youngin I'm spectin' would be usin' too many clothes to be goin' to the laundry ever day, My Earl stopped and loaded it up. The dryer worked fine and the washer needed a belt and some oil. Dui bein' experienced in lectric hookin up, run wires to the back end o' the trailer and I had my own outside laundramat. I couldn't believe it. Bubba said he would build a shed around it and put in a light fer night time. That slut Edna don't deserve a good man like him. And the wonders never cease what that Dui knows bout. He is such a good man.

Anyway, all the clothes the park people give me fer the youngin, I got washed and put in the cardboard file cabinet my Earl found when the census left town. Everything was goin perfect, when I opened the dryer Saturday and there was a rat. I slammed the dryer closed and screamed and My Earl come runnin' with the 410. I told him about the rat and he shot the rat dead in the dryer. He was always a good shot. The dryer don't work no more, so that's why him and Dui is out tryin' to find another one. It would be real luck to get a match to the washer, but ya can't have everything. I'm grateful, big time, fer all my blessings and I just don't need everthing ta match.

But, I got this question fer you, cuz I know you is real smart. Us Park people is always lookin' fer a excuse ta have a party, so we been thinkin' bout a godparent party to show everybody the little one. So, which one of our friends should be the youngin's God parents. I want Thelma, and My Earl just thinks the world of Dui. Is it bad to have both Godparents from the same house, or should we ask Snake? What is Godparents fer anyhow?

Gind Rinker

Dear Gind,

God Parents are those people that will tend to your child's needs when he or she goes to heaven. Given that, I am not sure that any of the people you know or any of the people they know are slated for heaven after their time on earth. Perhaps you could write Kathy Lee Gifford and ask her if she would be willing to serve as your child's Godmother. I would also recommend Attorney General Designee Ashcroft or former Attorney General Janet Reno to be the child's Godfather.

I know that the washer and dryer you have may not match, but given all the people in your life, (Earl, Dui, Edna, Bubba, Snake and your mamma) I would say you have as good a match as anyone. By the way, how did the rat taste?

happy(alwayslikethematchgame)shrink

Happy Birthday to my favorite Bimbo!

St. Theresa

It is true that some therapists limit the number of people they see with personality disorders. This is not because these therapists dislike people with personality disorders. It is because treating an individual with a personality disorder can be very time consuming and also involve crisis intervention. Some therapists actually specialize in patients with personality disorders because they find them very interesting and likable. I happen to enjoy working with people who are diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.

As far as people with BPD or other personality disorders feeling justified in having low self esteem; the issue is the degree that they feel negative. Part of the problem is that they exaggerate their problems and their self esteem can be sent in a tailspin over small or insignificant things. While it is true that individuals with BPD may have very real social deficits, so do people who are aren't diagnosed with a personality disorder.

The fact is Good Judge of Character, nobody's perfect. Everyone has the capacity to be annoying, frustrating, difficult, exasperating, combative and defensive. The goal here is to try not to make a career out of it.

Congratulations on your new job. I really want you to hold on to this one for awhile so I have some important advice for you. It's ok to let them take your picture but please make sure you have all your clothes on. Remember what happened at the home for the blind.

Happyshrink is unable to post to the site this morning, as his ISP is experiencing a temporary outage. Hopefully, he'll be able to update tomorrow and he won't forget to wish his favorite bimbo a happy thirty-f-f-f-f...sigh...birthday.

I am not quite sure what you are looking for but I do hear a lot of pain and anguish in your letter. You may be suffering from depression or you may just be going through a difficult time in your life. I would strongly urge you to speak to a counselor or therapist. If you are a student, perhaps your school can provide you with someone. You can also speak to your family physician or a trusted friend. Get the help you need austin. The help is not on the Internet. It's in your community. Find it and find out what's really wrong. Good luck.

You made every single one of those mistakes at least three times. Yes, now your life is damn near perfect. That's because you managed to get most of the people in your life to stop talking to you. Maybe your life would be less perfect but more happy if you started talking to a few of those people who will also continue to make mistakes. They can't help the mistakes they make Witchie. Just look at their parents.

I wrote to you from Turkey when I was very unhappy living there. Now I am home and trying to readjust to America! I can't say I am content and that all my problems are gone, but I do prefer these set of problems in America. I am considering going to graduate school or traveling some more.

Thank you very very much for your help. It really pulled me through a very difficult situation. Although your advice didn't seem helpful at the time I kept harking back to what you said- maybe Turkey wasn't the place for me. It helped give me the strength to leave even though it meant breaking my contract.

Thank you for your kind words. One thing that all of us will do in our lives is make mistakes. We may date or even marry the wrong people, take the wrong jobs, go to the wrong schools, choose the wrong careers, make the wrong friends or live in the wrong environment. As human beings, we can only hope to minimize wrong decisions. But if we have the strength to make changes no matter how hard the changes may be, we will have mastered the greatest challenge of life. Your ability to get out of a bad situation even though it meant breaking your contract will help you in the future. It should always be a reminder that contracts and agreements are written on paper and not carved in stone. You shape your life. Life doesn't shape you. Good luck Jennifer and let me know what new adventures you will be up to.

I know this question is REALLY stupid but PLEASE help!!! Well see I am a freshman in high school and I went to a dance the other day. This guy asked me to dance with him, twice. Then his friend came and danced with me, his friend asked me what I thought of the first guy, I told him to tell him I don't know. Then me and the first guy danced again, he kissed my hand. He said I felt pretty tense. I was really nervous! For the rest of the dance he stood next to me. I know he is going to ask me to go out with him. I do kinda like him, but I don't want to go out with him. If it was any other guy I wouldn't have a problem just saying NO, but for some reason I can't with him. I don't know why. I have never actually dated before. Please help, quick.

If you don't feel you are ready to date, then you shouldn't date. If your instincts tell you that you shouldn't get involved with someone, then you shouldn't get involved with someone. Dating is not a competition. Some of your friends may be ready to date while others may need to take more time. If you feel you aren't ready, then you should wait until you are. When the right boy comes along for you to date, it will feel right to you. Until then, enjoy going to dances and enjoy having a lot of friends. Good luck JB and let me know what happens.

If those livers are from former patrons of the Dew Drop Inn, they can't be worth too much. Sorry to hear your back in jail. At least you are with all your friends.

It has really been a long time. The last letter on your site from me was in June 2000. To update you, after I got out of hospital I moved to a new town and started a new life with my partner. It has turned out to be the best move I ever made. I am still on treatment but the doctors in East London (South Africa) changed the diagnosis from borderline personality disorder to Bipolar. The medication is working wonderfully (Lithium) and I seem to be on track. I feel healthy for the first time in ages and can function normally. I guess the point to this letter is that there is hope. Even if this only continues for a while it will have been worth it. I will try and be better at staying in touch. Keep well and best wishes.

It's great to hear from you and I am glad that you are doing so well. Diagnoses can be very tricky and if you are treated for the wrong disorder, it is no wonder that the outcomes were poor. Your expression of hope is a very critical part of mental as well as physical health. In reading your email, it made me think of something I read by Vaclav Havel: "Hope is not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that things will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Hope above all, gives us strength to live and try new things, even in conditions that seem hopeless." I am glad you are still hopeful and still open to new things.

Since around the age of 12 or 13(I am now 20) I have suffered from sporadic episodes of depression, during which I have had panic attacks, crying, lack of self esteem and also self-mutilation, where I have cut myself many times, and cannot listen to reason. I also have days where I feel inexplicably happy, before crashing down again, although I have never felt seriously suicidal. I have never sought treatment for these times, as they mostly do not interfere too much with my life, only happen maybe 5 or 6 times a year, and I am quite scared of going to the doctor. I have always just considered these periods as part of my life, and with the support of my boyfriend have managed to reduce the amount of times I cut myself.

However, around 6 months ago, My father (who is divorced from my mother) told me that for most of his adult life, from about the age of 18, he has suffered from bipolar disorder. Because of this I have researched the topic a little, and have come across suggestions that it can be inherited. Could I have some kind of mild form of this, or something else, or are these episodes nothing to worry about ? Please don't just tell me to go to the doctor.

I won't just tell you to go to the doctor but that will be on my list and probably the most important of the things that I will tell you. Bipolar disorder does have a hereditary factor and a form of mood disorder could be one of the possible conditions you suffer from. Your panic attacks, low self esteem and self mutilation though, could indicate other conditions.

Self mutilation is often a symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Individuals suffering from BPD can display just about all the symptoms you described. In addition, symptoms can include difficulty with relationships, difficulty in work and school, poor judgment, reckless and dangerous behaviors, etc. In most cases of BPD, there is usually a history of childhood trauma. This could include physical abuse, sexual abuse, mental intimidation or terrorizing and deprivation. All or some of these traumas may have occurred.

As an adult, you may have repressed some of the childhood trauma that took place. You may have no memory or a very faint memory of what had gone on. While the mind may be successful in repressing these memories most of the time, on occasion it can take the form of panic attacks, nightmares and even out of body experiences. This condition is known as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

While I have described for you a number of conditions that you may have, I can not be certain that you suffer from any of them. There are other disorders that can be related to your symptoms as well. The only way you can know for sure is to be evaluated by a psychiatrist. When you say that these symptoms only occur 5 or 6 times a year, you imply that this is not very often. It sounds pretty often to me.

When you are in a stable relationship and things are going well for you, your symptoms as well as their frequency may lessen and you may feel that you don't need help. But life is stressful for everyone and during difficult times, your symptoms may get worse again. I would urge you to see a Psychiatrist and be evaluated. Treatment may include psychotherapy and medication. I know you are resistant to seeking help, but this won't get better by itself. Your boyfriend may be understanding and supportive now, but that doesn't guarantee he will feel the same way in the future. Get the help you need now Anon. You don't have to live your life with low self esteem, mood swings and the desire to mutilate yourself. Let me know what you think.

I can tell you read the newspapers - surely you saw that the First Dog Buddy is moving with Mom and Dad Clinton and First Cat Sox is being put into Foster Care. This is so sad for me - it brings up all those painful memories of which kid my parents loved most. Thanks for listening.

When I was growing up, we didn't have a pet dog or cat, but we did have a pet bird named Nippy. My parents loved Nippy more than they did me and my sister, but then we loved Nippy more than we loved my parents too. I guess if you are going to come from a dysfunctional family it's not as bad as long as the dysfunction is balanced. Fortunately for us, we were all crazy.

This brings me to an important topic. Not every family is well suited for a pet. If your family is, there are some important rules to follow. Fortunately my friend JeWitch is a pet expert and she has some tips:

A pet can be a wonderful addition to a household, but it's important to choose one that's right for your family. Here are some tips for making a winning choice:

Pets eventually grow old and die, causing your children great emotional trauma. Be sure to only choose pets which will outlive them, such as the giant Pacific sea tortoise.

Be sure to check for the appropriate number of limbs before you get your new pet home.

Pets soiling the rug in your house will only be a problem if they are given food and water.

Pets are loving, trusting creatures. Do not treat them with the same cruelty and neglect you do your children.

Though most experts advocate spaying or neutering your pet, it's expensive, it's a big hassle, and it screws with your pet's mind. To hell with spaying and neutering.

Don't choose a pet that is larger than your family can handle, unless you have plenty of room to store the leftovers.

Only choose a pet you are reasonably confident you can defeat in hand-to-hand struggle, in case of food-chain-hierarchy disputes.

For a fun and low-maintenance pet, consider a "jar cat." Place a kitten in a 16-ounce jar and seal the lid. Your new pet won't get any bigger and will never run away or get into fights.

Before letting your children play with their brand-new pet, remove potentially dangerous teeth and claws with a hand-held rotating saw.

For those parents concerned about the added expense a pet brings, remember: many pets and children may be fed to one another.

Pet ownership is a great way to teach children about the entire cycle of life, from the miracle of birth to the inevitability of death. An efficient parent can teach these important lessons in about three hours.

Remind your children that pet ownership is a privilege they earn through good behavior. If they do not live up to this responsibility, take the pet away by sacrificing it in an elaborate ceremony involving candles, knives, readings from the Book Of Numbers, and the ritual consumption of the pet's roasted corpse.

Remember, pets need regular food, exercise, love and attention. You probably should not be allowed to own one.

And here they are.....some good things:

1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the Super WalMart.(ooh Happy...imagine a SUPER WalMart)

5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.(Unless you're with Edna in the back of

Bubba's truck)
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels out of the dryer.
11. Finding the sweater you want is on sale for half price.
12. Chocolate milkshake. (or coffee or vanilla!)
13. A long distance phone call.
14. A bubble bath.
15. Giggling.
16. A good conversation.
17. The beach.
18. Finding a $20 bill in your coat from last winter.
19. Laughing at yourself.
20. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
21. Running through sprinklers.
22. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
23. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
24. Laughing at an inside joke.
25. Kids.
26. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
27. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
28. Your first kiss. (or the next one, or the one after that....)
29. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
30. Playing with a new puppy.(MY Favorite!)
31. Having someone play with your hair.
32. Sweet dreams.
33. Hot chocolate after a winter walk.
34. Road trips.
35. Swinging on swings.
36. Wrapping presents under the Christmas tree while eating cookies and

drinking eggnog.
37. Song lyrics printed inside your new CD so you can sing along without

feeling stupid. (nah nah nah nah....hey hey hey...)
38. Going to a really good concert.
39. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
40. Winning a really competitive game.
41. Making chocolate chip cookies.
42. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
43. Spending time with close friends. (unless it's Edna and you're in the

back of Bubba's truck)
44. Seeing smiles and hearing laughter from your friends.
45. Holding hands with someone you care about.
46. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or

bad) never change.
47. Riding the best roller coasters over and over.
48. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much

desired present from you.
49. Watching the sunrise / sunset.
50. Getting out of bed every morning and thanking God for another

beautiful day.

Dear Wind,

Cool list dudette. I like just about all of them except the roller coaster riding. Roller coasters make me feel like I'm with Edna in the back of Bubba's truck. L'chaim Wind.

happy(countinghisblessingstoo)shrink

Dear AM,

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your parents, but if it's a good one, I would urge you to speak to them about what is going on. You also need to see a psychiatrist and be evaluated for depression or perhaps a mood disorder. Your school or your family doctor may be able to recommend a good psychiatrist for you to see. This is a very difficult time in your life. Education, career and your personal relationships seem to be causing you great stress and turmoil. You can't solve these problems by yourself. You need help to work things out. You may need some medication and you definitely need some counseling.

You have a whole life ahead of you AM. It can be the way you want it to be if you get the help you need now. The help is not on the Internet. It's with a face to face professional. Good luck and let me know how things turn out.

happy(Internettoface)shrink

Well Friday night the boys got ta drinkin at the What-Not-Inn to celebrate Edna's Oldest, Ezra, turnin drinkin age. Truth o' the matter, he been drinkin since he was 3. Anyhow they made two tag teams. Ezra and my Earl went up aginst Snake and Bubba. Dui was way too drunk to wrassle but he took pictures. Left ta right; Ezra, My Earl,Snake, and Bubba. I can't believe Ezra growed up ta be such a fine boy, havin that slut Edna as his Momma. All I can say is it was the influence of Bubba, Snake and my Earl. Anyway, turned out a draw. What Ezra and my Earl advantaged in weight, Snake and Bubba made up in experience. They split the prize money and got 10% o' the side bets. They spent it all celebrating the draw, and got a good buzz without spendin' all their pay checks. Life is good.

With guys this good looking, I don't know why you Southern women would even let them out of the house at night. You're a very lucky gal. So is Edna.

My child hates school and almost every morning he tells me that he is sick and can't go. When I take his temperature, it's always normal. He doesn't have any other symptoms other than telling me he doesn't feel well. What can I do?

Many kids don't like school. I would try to find out if there is something specific going on that he may be trying to avoid. Is there a bully that's bothering him? Does he have a teacher that he doesn't like? Why doesn't he like school? If it's the common reason why most kids don't like school, (they would rather be at play) you just have to be encouraging to him. Perhaps you can also give him a reward for good attendance. Find ways to positively reinforce his going to school. Try to avoid fighting or arguing.

Lastly frustrated mom, your son is entitled to his feelings. He can dislike school but he still has to go. Talking to him in a supportive but firm way will help him to understand his obligations. Good luck.

I don't know what to do. Each morning when I go to work, my co-worker complains about everything. Personal, professional, health - you name it. I am at a point where I just want to say "don't suck me into your black hole of despair." What was already a somewhat anxious day for me has now become one of dread. I just want to stay clear of this person and not get bogged down. Then I hear that this is stuff that you can share at work because that's where you share things. Not like this! And not 24-7! I feel like what was once a good working relationship has now become something of a burden to me to try to maintain an upbeat frame of mind when really I just want to run away! What do I do?

This is a very difficult situation and there is no easy solution. One thing I would do is suggest to your co-worker to contact the Employee Assistance Program. Explain to him/her that you are concerned about their state of mind and how it affects their work as well as yours. Other than that, you need to protect yourself. If this behavior continues to be problematic, you may need to take this up with your supervisor. I would try to avoid that for as long as possible but that may be the ultimate solution. Good luck and let me know what happens.

After you finish popping those veins, give a pop to JeWitch. Hopefully, that will teach her a lesson.

Postings from January 16-31, 2001