Postings from December 16-31, 2000
Date: December 31, 2000
DearHappyShrink, Earlier this fall I related a story about my work and getting in trouble because I let it slip that I didn't really feel like I could trust my employers because of the layoffs and firings and so on. The boss set up a meeting of my department where I was the agenda and so on. Last month I became aware that one of my co-workers was giving me the silent treatment. She had stopped greeting me in the hallway, and an icy silence would descend each time we were alone in the office together. After a couple of weeks of this I got up the nerve to ask her if I had done something to offend her. She replied that I had betrayed her trust when I told the boss that I was not the only one who was not happy on the job. She was not angry at me, however, speaking to me required too much effort. Well, I did tell the boss just that, but I never mentioned anyone by name, and it was hardly a confidence because the girl went around shooting off her mouth everywhere about how unhappy she was! She was not able to offer any example of something specific about her that I had said to anyone (obviously because there was nothing) but I had betrayed her and she was not about to say anything to me and take that risk again. That was fine with me. It took too much effort to try to make amends with someone who was "not angry" about something that I had not done to her over 3 months ago. If the silence treatment had continued I would not mind at all. However, it has since been replaced with little sarcastic comments directed at me, often in a voice that only I can hear. For example, in a meeting we were discussing the progress of a man who doesn't want to get out of bed, has no motivation, has recently had a series of medical problems that have changed his abilities drastically, etc. I said, "He's probably depressed." She replied in a voice that only I could hear, "Oh, Great! Lets just drug him." Another example, the pay day before Christmas each year the PTB at work have a maintenance guy dress up like Santa, and then we have to go into Santa's throne room to get our paychecks." I tired of this game after the first couple of years, after all my paycheck is not a gift! I worked hard for it. When I mentioned it, the girl said in a nasty, sarcastic tone, "Well, there's some holiday spirit for ya!" So what do I do? Direct confrontation just escalated the problem. I try to ignore her but the little digs are coming more and more often. She is friendly and congenial with everyone else. And, no I am not being sarcastic in reply. I don't know what to do about this problem. Sincerely, Down the Up Escalator Dear Down the Up Escalator, These sarcastic comments may be annoying but they don't constitute harassment on the part of your colleague. I understand that it may be frustrating but this is just another instance of learning to ignore negativity and move on to something more productive. There will never be a work environment that is perfect or without conflict. You have the power over your own behavior and no one else. If you choose to be positive and resist negative comments, you will give others less opportunity to be negative towards you. It doesn't eliminate the problem but lets people know that you are not going to let them push your buttons. I am sure that this "non-angry" colleague of yours would love for you to lose your cool and do or say something unprofessional. Don't give her that satisfaction. Take the higher road and move up the up escalator. happy(holdingthehandrailtoo)shrink
Dear Happy, I'm writin' from Kissimmee where me and my Earl are on our honeymoon. He is sleepin in the bed in his new dockers cuzzin he was too tanked to get undressed. Momma is babysittin' the dogs and insisted we take at least one night honeymoon, (she give us the $26 for the motel as a weddin' present; after all it is her baby girl's first weddin') even though she is livin' out a disaster. But let me start from Thursday. Momma pulled in from Alabama in her 75 Buick LaSabre (white with a black leather looking top with white on the inside. [I think the inside has real leather, but the top is some kinda plastic, if ya know what I mean]) ( She always looked good in that car). I was tearin' up seein' her knowin' how happy she was fer me a gittin' married. She slept on the sofabed and in the mornin' we wrapped up birdseed in nylon net in the shape o' little umbrellas fer the trailer park folk ta throw at me and my Earl. Snake's woman got left over flowers from the cemetery and made a bouquet for me and flowers pots for the side of the white wash house. She got a new 36 picture throw away camera and planned pictures with the wash house as a background. (She has an eye for taking good pictures)(she is a good woman, but Snake needs a good woman) So come Saturday, Beuford, Edna's ex mastered the I Do's and put his Notary on the papers and we all shared potluck (we has the best cooks in this trailer park) on the picnic tables and everybody drank all the booze they brought and Snake and Dui and my Earl really tied one on. Me eatin fer two was too full ta really do an honorable job on a fifth o' gin. I will come to regret that someday. Momma brung a picture of me and Thelma's greatgrandma, Francine (she was from France), (picture attached) and was talkin' to it about her greatgranddaughter gittin' married. (Greatgramma was a real strong woman. She ran a saloon in Abaleen and raised Momma when Gramma was shot by a jealous woman[story is that Greatgramma took her out with that very gun) The lesson always kept us , Thelma and me, on the straight and narrow, not like that slut Edna. Speakin' o' Edna, she brought her wild kids and they turned over the card table with the weddin' cake on it. I couldda killed 'em. Trapper, Snake's son who works at an exotic cake shop, brought it. It was four breasts that they refrosted with white frosting, put some flowers on and a statue of a bride and groom that Thelma found in Mrs. Hoy's trailer. It was beautiful. Then Hocky and Ezra Jr., Edna's youngest, knocked over the card table and it went flying. The only thing that saved it was the beer keg. It just landed boobs up. Miracle o' the day. But I got side tracked bout Momma's disaster. You guessed it, she lived in that trailer park in Tuscaloosa. The TV pictures don't look good. Uncle Teedy is gonna go over in the mornin' to see if there is anything left o' Momma's Elcona. Momma will always have a bed to lay her head long as I'm here. Ya gotta do fer family. Well, I'm gonna spit out this snuff and cuddle next to my man. I wished that tornado hadn't messed up my perfect day. Gind Rinker
Dear Gind, Well now I know where you get your good looks from. Too bad you had to lose all your teeth at 25. happy(fightinggumdisease)shrink
Date: December 30, 2000
Dear Happy, Thank you for your response. It helped me put things in perspective. I've heard it all before, but having someone that is more objective say it really helped. I spoke to a friend of mine this evening--a woman 83 years of age who was married to alcoholic for 50+ years. She endured it. I asked her why and how? She said because she saw a vision--from God--telling her to stay and endure. She did, along with her son. Although, she made this decision after her son was born and 9 years of marriage, she perceives herself as having strength and courage for doing so. I do agree, but I also see it as being weak and not being able to let go and be strong enough to move on. She even admitted using the child as her "safety blanket". I could not bring a child into such an environment knowing the pain it would cause them. I feel for her, but she did the best with what she knew at the time and she doesn't regret it--her son and three grandchildren are hers to cherish. I on the other hand have two dogs and a cat with my husband. I think I can handle giving him the cat! I can't say that I've made up my mind, but I feel better about doing so. I'm actually 30 12/29. Yippie. Anyhow, thank your for your encouragement and insight. I will keep you posted. Love, BT (a.k.a., Sedona) Dear Sedona, It sounds to me like you are moving in the right direction. The story of your friend is one I have heard before. Many spouses of alcoholics will look to God for guidance and strength. Unfortunately, sometimes they will interpret that God wants them to suffer and "endure." I can't believe that anyone's God could be that cruel. In addition, children are used to replace the love and affections of the alcoholic. This has been cited by many clinicians as "emotional incest." When the child grows up, this phenomenon can result in a variety of dysfunctional behaviors and relationships. I can only hope that your friend's son has overcome the scars of his childhood. Lastly Sedona, I want to wish you a belated Happy Birthday and hope the New Year and your new decade will bring you the happiness and love you want in life. I also suggest that you take the cat too. Let him have the plants. happy(likescatstoomuchtoleavethemwithanalcoholic)shrink
Dear Happy, If there was just one thing that has really sparked my interest, love, and eventually my future career in astronomy, it would be the planet with all the neat-o space rings around it. Love, Wind(quick!getmystarcharts)NWillows Dear WindNWillows That's exactly what attracted Carl Sagen to astronomy. For me, it was always those cute little tribbles. happy(livelongandprosper)shrink
Date: December 29, 2000
Hi, I don't know what to do to get my Mother some help. There is something obviously wrong with her. But every time I try to talk to her about going and seeing a doctor, she gets evasive and grouchy or just leaves the room. Her mother was diagnosed with manic depression. Could my Mother have gotten it from her mom? Also, about every 7 years, she acts real strange. She does things that other people wouldn't. It is hard to explain. I am worried about her and am at wits end! Help!! OP Dear OP, There is a considerably greater incidence of bipolar disorders by people who have had parents or other relatives diagnosed with the condition. The only way you can really be sure if your mother suffers from a bipolar disorder is to get her to see a psychiatrist and be evaluated. As an adult, she has the right to refuse help so long as her behaviors do not pose a danger to herself or others. Odd, irrational or even inappropriate behaviors that do not meet that criteria are not grounds for involuntary treatment. I would suggest you press the issue further and perhaps give your mother the name of a psychiatrist she could see. Sometimes having a number of family members confront her can be effective in persuading her to seek help. These activities are sometimes called "Interventions." They are more commonly used for alcoholics and substance abusers but they are also effective with other conditions. Lastly OP you have to accept the fact that it is up to her to allow herself to be helped and you can only point the way. If she chooses not to get the help she needs, there isn't much you can do about it until it gets to the point that she's putting her health in danger. Good luck OP and let me know what happens. happy(canonlypointthewaytoo)shrink
Dear HappyShrink, The word 'morte' means death. Therefore, mortgage really means "death-gauge". Sincerely, 28 Years to Go Dear 28 Years to Go, I always thought you were a masochist. Now we both have proof. happy(dyingaslowdeath)shrink
Dear Happy, Whenever I hear about someone being killed "execution style" it makes me wonder - just what other styles are there? Love, Wind(wouldn'tkillevenafleaexecutionstyle)NWillows Dear WindNWillows, I personally prefer being bored to death. happy(Hannukahisoverandnomorepresents...sigh)shrink
Date: December 28, 2000
Dear Happy, I hope your holiday was happy and bright and filled with all of the joys that this season can bring. I had the benefit of having two Christmas celebrations on the same day with different families this year. My emotions about the difference between these events is cause for much confusion. While I always labeled my own family as being dysfunctional with love I think now that I was wrong. We bicker and fight and make up and back-stab each other. I guess that's almost normal. With our Christmas celebration, we all come together and have dinner together and open some small gifts to one another. We pretty much put a cap on one gift costing no more than $30 dollars to each person, not including children who get more. We do this to make sure that the holidays are not a financial burden to any family member. I have always been comfortable with this and I am grateful to have all of my family together and smiling. But this year I also had my boyfriend's family to share the day with. For each sibling there were over 20 gifts and for me at least 15. They weren't tiny trinkets either. But through the whole gift opening and picture taking there was fighting going on and not a thank you to be heard. My boyfriend and his siblings EXPECTED all that they got and more. They whined about the things on their lists that they didn't get. Understand that their ages are 28, 24, and 19. Part of me felt so sad for my family, and our inability to have and give so very much, I was almost ashamed that I received more from people who I have only just met than from my own family. But I also was sad for my boyfriend's family. Because the only real joy that I saw was over pretty gifts and clothes and objects. The only smiles were for the cameras taking pictures of them with their gifts. I couldn't explain to my boyfriend why I was so sad. I told him no, it's not because I didn't get something. I think it's because I can't give my family all of those gifts and things, and I can't show my boyfriend's family what Christmas gifts really are. I know what feels better to me but how do I explain it to my boyfriend who doesn't really know any better? He doesn't understand what made me feel so sad. I'm not really sure that I understand either, do you have any answers, suggestions, thoughts? Thanks, IndigoGrrl Dear IndigoGrrl, I have a lot of thoughts about your Christmas and the contrast between your family and your boyfriend's family. While your family may be somewhat dysfunctional, (not sure if there is such thing as a functional family other than on TV) they were able to celebrate the holidays in a loving way. It wasn't the cost of the gifts that made Christmas special but the happiness that was in each of your hearts. While there may be bickering and even a little backstabbing during the year, it also sounds like there is a lot of love in your family as well. Then there is your boyfriend's family. They have the means and resources to give more presents and yet they are not very happy people. The only smiles are for photographs. I would guess that during the year, there feelings for one another are not that different. While I understand your feeling a bit ashamed about how little you could give in the form of material gifts, all that really matters IndigoGrrl is the gift of love. That doesn't cost anything but there are some families that can't afford to give it. Maybe it's time to feel a little better about your own family and help your boyfriend to understand that the gift of love lasts a lot longer than a George Foreman Grill or a Play Station 2. By the way, I had a wonderful holiday, and it was because I was with people I love. The presents will be soon be forgotten. The love won't be. happy(abitabsentmindedbutalwaysrememberslove)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, After hanging around with you and the rest of the #doesthislookinfected gang and the #askhappyshrink gang on the IRC Dalnet server for about 4 years now .. this is what I have learned.
1. Any and all compliments can be handled by simply saying "Thank you"...though
it helps if you say it with a Southern accent. are on-stage singing, some are in the audience as critics, some are there to
applaud. Know who and where you are.
it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
"You are right".
while it's still warm.
now? How about one month? One week? One day?
and rest. career with an airline. Your need to see your family will last a lifetime, as will
your travel benefits.
former relationship just proves that the other person was right about
you.
need them to empty your bed urinal and hold your hand. you've decided to see beyond the imperfections. So ... what do you think ??? Have I grown ???? Hee hee ... NOPE .. this is a crock of shit .. I copied it off the internet !! SCREW EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING ... especially my former husbands, boyfriends and employers. JeWitch Dear JeWitch, Some things never change. Seeing beyond your imperfections is like reading an eye chart in a snow storm. Stay golden! happy(seeingbeyondmostofJeWitchesimperfections)shrink
Date: December 27, 2000
Dear Happy Shrink: I have been married for about a year and a half to a man who is an addict/alcoholic. He was clean for a year and a half prior to our marriage, but 2 months into it, he relapsed and has yet to get back to where he was 3 years ago--clean and sober. Several things have happened over the last year: stealing money out of savings, stealing his brothers medicine, and a drunk driving accident. This is only the highlights and he's done these type of things before. I married a person that was clean and sober and now I won't even consider having children for at least another 2 years. I'm 30 years old and he's 24. I don't really even know what I'm asking you--perhaps just some insight. I'm not happy, my medicine (Effexor) has been increased from 37.5mg to 225mg since I met him, I'm losing "it", I can't trust him, I don't even feel comfortable leaving him alone, and I'm desperate to get out, alone and depressed. All the hope I had is gone. I only can put my faith and hope in God now and I don't know where to go from here? Help! Any insight is much appreciate. This is a tough one and I don't expect you to tell me what to do. Thanks. BT Dear BT, Only your husband can turn his life around. You can't do it for him. I am more concerned though about what he is doing to you rather than what he is doing to himself. Do you really think that in two years you will be able to have children? All that will do is make you more locked in to the enabler role. Some alcoholics in recovery will wait until they have found an enabler to relapse. The enabler then can rescue him or her from their irresponsible and reckless behavior. I don't know if you could have foreseen his relapse coming prior to your marriage. I do know that after over a year of putting up with his behavior, it's time to save yourself. Leaving this relationship and trying to find someone new at age 30 may not be what you dreamed of happening a year and a half ago, and starting over is always scary. As discouraged as you may be, you are still clinging to the false hope that your husband will change. Before you could really be sure of that, he would have to be sober for several years. That's not a situation you want to bring a child into in 2 years or even 3. Get your life back now BT. There is hope but only if you save yourself. Please feel free to respond. happy(hopefulforBT)shrink
Dear Happy, I was just so friggin' giddy about this Christmas season (*cough*wheeze*gasp*) that I still can't get out of this spirit of GIVING. For that reason, I am making our friend, Okgirl, a CD -- a heartfelt collection of music significant to both of us. The disk is called "Men Suck," and it features a song called, "Fuck You," by Ani Difranco. Heartwarming, isn't it?? love, st(bahhumbug)theresa Dear St. Theresa, There is no doubt that there are a lot of a-holes out there. I don't blame you for being discouraged, but I also have some advice. If you want to find the good guys, you have to "clean up your own acts." I don't think I need to go into detail here. You and OK girl are both special women. You won't get the quality of person you want when you will settle for less. Don't settle for less. That goes for you as well as the guy. happy(won'tsettleforlessfromSttheresaandOKgirl)shrink
Dear Happy, I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day. JeWitch Dear JeWitch, The day may be perfect but at night you have to get on the scale, pay your credit card bills and mail in the speeding ticket. happy(wouldratherhaveaperfectnight)shrink
Date: December 26, 2000
Dear Happyshrink, I am twenty-six years old, and am fully aware that my bouts of depression and self-loathing are becoming a serious impediment to my mental well being. I am tired of boring everyone, including myself, with my overworked hysterics. Please let me know what I can do to eradicate my emotional self-indulgence. ML Dear ML, Self loathing is a big part of Clinical Depression. One phrase I have used to describe depression is anger turned inward. Having been depressed for a considerable period of time just makes these feelings worse. It is not self indulgence. Nobody including you, wants to be depressed. There is no quick fix to overcoming depression. If you are not in treatment with a psychiatrist, I would urge you to do so. I would also suggest that you look into a support group for people suffering from clinical depression. You may find that you are not as boring as you think. At least you will be able to meet others who feel like you do and struggle with the same frustrations. That's all I can suggest with the information you have given me. If you would like to tell me more about your situation, please feel free to write again. happy(notasinterestingashethinksheis)shrink
Dear Happy,Now that Christmas is over and I am sure to get my pink slip from WalMart any day now, I thought I would try to become a consultant like you. Like my momma, I got the gift of profecie and so I thought I would become an asstrolliger. I never could understand that Northern asstrollogy so I have my own set of signs. What do ya think? Edna EdnAstrology(Horoscope for Southerners)It has become obvious to native-born Southerners that the present astrological signs have long since served their purpose and that new signs are required.
Dear Edna, Just want you to know that some of my best friends are moon pies. happy(thatI'macrawfish)shrink
Date: December 25, 2000 M E R R Y C H R I S T M A S
I want to wish all the readers, contributors and friends of the Ask Happyshrink Website a very joyous holiday filled with love and happiness. May we celebrate peace on earth and good will towards men and women all year round. Today I won't answer any letters to happyshrink. I will post a very special poem that JeWitch sent me. I hope you like it and brings back a lot of good memories. It did for me. You could hardly see for all the snow, Spread the rabbit ears as far as they go Pull a chair up to the TV set, "Good night, David; Good night, Chet"
Dependin' on the channel you tune You got Rob and Laura - or Ward and June It felt so good, felt so right Life looked better in black and white
I Love Lucy, The Real McCoys Dennis the Menace, the Cleaver boys Rawhide, Gunsmoke, Wagon Train Superman, Lois Lane
Father Knows Best, Patty Duke Rin Tin Tin and Lassie too, Donna Reed on Thursday night Life looked better in black and white
I wanna go back to black and white Everything always turned out right Simple people, simple lives Good guys always won the fights Now nothin's the way it seems In living color or on the screen I wanna go back to black and white..
In God they trusted, in bed they slept A promise made was a promise kept They never cussed or broke their vows They'd never make the network now But if I could I'd rather be In a TV town in '53 It felt so good, felt so right Life looked better in black and white..
I'd trade all the channels on the satellite If I could just turn back the clock tonight To when everybody knew wrong from right Life was better in black and white.
Date: December 24, 2000
Dear Happy, The more I read about MPD/DID, the more I see that a lot of people, or specialists, are not sure if it is a real psychological problem. It seems as if for a while a lot of people believed in it, and now they seem to think it is just a big hoax. Something created between the patient and the therapist. People can't even decide if it may be caused by childhood abuse, or satanic ritual abuse, or (this one makes me smile) alien abduction abuse. OK, Happy, I would like to know what the truth is. I don't want to waste my time, or money on something I will find out later is just crap. I know what I go thru sometimes, and I know I don't remember some things, but is it really this mpd/did stuff, or just a bad memory. If therapists can't come together and decide if it really exists, then how am I suppose to believe in it, much less believe in the therapy? Specialists have even speculated that patients get better if they walk away from the therapy all together, is that true? Maybe they are saying I'm screwed up because I believe I am, and other people (specialists) say i am. What's the truth? I go through depression, I am at times suicidal, I don't always remember things and amounts of time do pass. BUT, does that mean that I have mpd/did, or have I just been labeled that because it's still a fad in Oklahoma. You know I have mused that maybe it's possible I am the one that's perfectly ok, and everyone else is nuts. Maybe I just process things differently. I guess I just want to know the truth. I am growing tired of this whole thing, and the thought of many many years of therapy does sit well with me. I hate corporate America, I am beginning to dislike the world of psychology, and I want to find a place where I fit IN. I AM LOOSING MY PATIENCE with this place. Methos(thinksHappyshouldmodelhiselfsuitonhiswebsite) you always said laughter was the best medicine Dear Methos, From the time the movie, "The Three Faces of Eve" came out in the early 1950's, the controversy of the existence of Multiple Personality Disorder/Dissociative Identity Disorder has been vigorously debated. If you watch daytime soap operas, you might be led to believe that MPD is a common everyday occurrence. It is not a common occurrence and there are people who present themselves as having multiple personalities when in fact they are just being "histrionic." The medical profession represented by psychiatry, has difficulty with disorders that can't be treated with medication. Many psychiatrists dismiss MPD/DID because it is a personality disorder and requires an intensive and highly specialized psychotherapeutic process. In today's managed care environment which emphasizes behavioral health and clinical "outcomes," MPD/DID is a big pain in managed care's butt. As a psychotherapist, I can't tell you that I come across MPD/DID cases every day but I can tell you that I have seen real cases and they do exist. I support your seeing your new therapist and he is in the best position to assess you. Keep seeing him Methos and do the work. I know it can become discouraging at times and I am not a big fan of corporate America either. You are not the only one that doesn't fit in and you don't need an MPD/DID diagnosis to feel that way. Fitting in isn't always what it's cracked up to be. Some of my dearest friends are misfits. happy(theelfwillappeartomorrow)shrink
Happy, I know that the Good Rev was gonna pray for me today but I already have a prayer that I say for myself nightly. It goes like THIS: Lord help me to relax
about insignificant details Je-having a mammogram when hell freezes over-Witch Dear JeWitch, I hope you and your family have a wonderful and peaceful Christmas, starting 12:01AM December 25, 2000 EST. and ending on 11:59PM December 25, 2000 EST. And most of all I wish you, hey was that a Lamborghini Diablo I just saw out my window? Sweet! Dude! Sweet! Dude! Sweet! Dude! happy(foroneofmyfavoritedudettes)shrink
Dear Happy - I think that someone must have surveillance equipment set up in my living room, because every once in awhile, someone on the TV will tell me what channel I'm watching. That really freaks me out, you know? Love, Wind(Iknow,Iknow,I'mtakingthepillsrightnow)NWillows Dear Wind, If you think you have a problem, my TV tells me the time, the temperature and the Wind velocity! I never realized how quickly you moved. love, happy(gottastopwatchingtheweatherchannel)shrink
Date: December 23, 2000
Hello Everyone - For anyone who is curious, my DSL server was down today and I couldn't post. I promise to make up for it tomorrow (assuming my server will allow such an outrageous thing.) - happyshrink
Hi Happy, Just an update. I went to my group a couple weeks ago, it does help to meet with others that are ocd/ocpd. I really liked the therapist. She seems to think I am doing very well living with my ocd/ocpd. It is the depression she would like to work on. Which she feels is not related to my ocd/ocpd. It has been a busy time of year, plus add on what the teen boys do. It has been pretty crazy. I am all ready for Christmas. I like to start my shopping the day after and be ready for next year. My 15 yr old that is ocd, and other stuff, is going to be evaluated for bipolar, my mom just told me last week that my deceased brother was bipolar and that she sees all the same things in my son. He goes to the psychologist next week. I just want to do something to help him. He also has been having thoughts of death always his, and seeing dead people and strange things. What can I do to help him with this until he goes to see the psychologist? It has really been upsetting him. I am at a loss of what to do. I have been telling him to keep a journal of what he sees, when and what he was doing when this takes place. Hopefully that will come in handy when he goes to his appointment. Our group is going to meet once a month. I am going to the doctor mid January for my depression, so hopefully I am heading in the right direction. Have a very Merry Christmas! ocdnet(gettinghelpforselfandson)angel
I think you are very much headed in the right direction. The support group and your therapist sound very helpful and caring. I also like what you suggested to your son about keeping a journal. I would also suggest that you encourage him to talk to you and your husband about how he is feeling. The more openly and freely he communicates in a supportive environment, the easier it will be for him to get the help he needs from the psychologist that he's going to see. Teenagers don't easily connect with strangers so the process of developing a relationship with the psychologist may take some time. It will be helpful if he knows he can also speak to you about his thoughts and feelings. Bipolar disorder can be hereditary however, it is best for him to be diagnosed by a trained professional. If he does suffer from bipolar disorder, there are a number of treatment modalities that can be considered. He will in all probability need to be on medication prescribed by a psychiatrist and continue to be therapy. Your family's support and understanding will be most critical for a successful outcome. Let me also wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. happy(stillfitsintotheelfcostume)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I am ACTUALLY sending this cover letter to places where I DO NOT want to work .. but have to apply for unemployment to stay off my back. I don't expect to get a call from any of them .. but it gives me a GREAT BIG CHUCKLE every time I click SEND. My goal was to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I decided I should try accounting. Here are some of my qualifications for you to overlook:
I am experienced in private
relations.
move.)
my t's. They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Could not
work under those conditions. Reason for leaving last job: Maturity leave. (Don't take the
comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative
beggars and slave drivers.)
Curses in liberal arts. Curses in computer science. Curses in accounting. (Finished eighth in my class of ten.)
Failed CPA exam with relatively high grades. Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer. Other:
I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
no one.
Qualifications: No
education or experience. Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far. Let's meet, so you can "ooh" and "aah" over my experience. Sincerely, JeWitch P.S. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time. Note: Please don't
misconstrue my 14 jobs as "job-hopping." I have never quit a
job. So what do you think Happy? Am I safe? Dear JeWitch, I think there might be some openings at the Palm Beach and Dade County Boards of Elections. You also would be a very desirable candidate in New York for the Phone Company and the Department of Motor Vehicles, however the care that went into your letter might just be a red flag indicating that you are a bit too motivated. If someone does too much work on the job, that could jeopardize the employment of others and we couldn't have that. happy(nothiringatthemoment)shrink
Dear Happiest of all Shrinks, Went to go see the new therapist for the second time so far and I am beginning to understand why he is a specialist. I believe you are correct, i should continue to see him. My main concern however is that I have told him my insurance will only pay 70% of his fee, but he has yet to discuss with me what his fee is. I do not want to be hit with a large bill at a time when I can not afford it. I tried to talk to him about it when I called to set up the first appointment, but he told me we would talk about it later. Well, two sessions later and nothing is said when I ask about it. I am hoping this means he will accept what the insurance will pay, but I am not sure.I also still have this trust issue going, of course you know all about that. I want to trust, i really want to believe it's ok to talk about things, but there is still that doubt, that feeling he will turn it against me. Silly, I know, but it is the way I feel.I want to wish all my internet friends the best Christmas ever, and to my favorite shrink, Love , joy, happiness and a very special holiday wish for you this year. Methos(laughingathowfunnyHappylooksinhisgreentightsandelfsuit) Dear Methos, The issue of fees are part of the therapeutic process. If it is bothering you, don't hesitate to raise it again and get an answer. Trust is not just an issue for you. It is the primary issue when anyone starts therapy. The fees are just one of the trust issues to overcome in developing a therapeutic alliance. Keep at it Methos. The rewards are worth the risks. Thank you for your kind words. Today just happens to be "Elf Day" at the Women's Residence. We are having a big party and giving out presents. We have a more traditional celebration on Christmas day (the Elf doesn't attend that one). I just may post a picture this Elf that looks a lot like me. happy(canstillfitintothosegreentights)shrink
Dear Happy - It's me, Mildred. I'll write you again and tell you about all the goings on at JeWitch's house, but for now I need your advice. Here's the story. Yesterday, I had my purse stolen! Lemme tell you what happened: I was casually strolling down a dark alley after midnight when this dark figure (no moon) stepped out from behind one of those giant trash cans. I pulled out my can of mace, but it was clogged! Can you imagine that??!! Clogged mace...So I just put my hand out and said "wait a minute" and shook the can and sprayed, shook and sprayed and FINALLY! Voila! It sprayed! Then, I held up my mace and threw it at my attacker! He just laughed, grabbed my purse and ran off. Where did I go wrong? Mildred Thigpen Dear Mildred, Mace has proven to be an ineffective deterrent for people living in your geographical location. It is not easy to use and there is a pretty high failure rate. I recommend as an alternative you keep a can of Reddi-Whip in your purse. When a would-be attacker appears, spray it all over the upper part of your body. This will make the perpetrator's eyes water and induce vomiting. While the would-be attacker is incapacitated, you can get away and call Edna. She can then get Bubb.... er... the perpetrator the help him to recover from his traumatic experience. happy(recommendscreamcheesefornortherners)shrink
Hello Happy, I am thirty years old and have been struggling with my weight for some time now. I suffer from depression and anxiety. I am currently taking Paxil for the anxiety and I seem to turn to food all the time. How can I discourage myself from doing this? MJ Dear MJ, Paxil as well as other SSRI's (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) can in some cases increase one's appetite and cause weight gain. I am not sure if this is the case with you or your weight problems is one that is independent of your medication. In either event, there is no easy answer to losing weight and I can tell you that from personal experience. My recommendation though would be a program that included group support like Weight Watcher's or Overeater's Anonymous. Both these organizations deal with some of the psychological aspects of food when it is used for comfort, anxiety, depression, anger, loneliness and/or boredom. It helps to know that there are others out there struggling too. They also emphasize good nutrition and sensible approaches to long term weight loss and maintenance. Good nutrition can also have a positive impact on your depression and anxiety as well. Good luck and please update me on your progress. happy(willstarteatinghealthyrightaftertheholidays)shrink
Dear Happy, Bubba, Dui and My Earl set off to build the stage for the weddin' but the car never made it out the parking lot. The picture I'm sendin you explains everything. Gind Rinker Dear Gind, I guess we finally figured out a way to keep DUI from drinking and driving. happy(checkingtheairinhistires)shrink
Dear Happy - I just heard on the radio that George W. is going to court and is seeking an injunction to keep Santa from checking his list twice - he said it should simply be submitted the way it is without deletions or additions. WHAT IS THIS COUNTRY COMING TO!!??? Wind(havingananxiousmoment)NWillows Dear Wind, Do you think that if Santa checked his list twice they might find out that some politicians were very naughty? Most of them already got their Christmas presents and it's too late to take them back. happy(tryinghisbesttobenice)shrink
Dear HappyShrink, Ok, so now my favorite shrink says I have some borderline tendencies. What does that mean? I always thought that BPD was a category that shrinks dumped their hopelessly annoying, life in ruins, addictive, former sexually abused patients in to when they got sick of them. I've not been a sex abuse victim, and, other than chocolate and an occasional pint of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia, the only substances I am involved with are anti-depressants. I have had the same job for 4.5 years now, I'm not promiscuous, I own my own home and I have never been arrested or attempted any suicidal or "parasuicidal" behavior. So what's up with that, anyway? What are the diagnostic criteria for BPD? Is he basing this idea on my superior ability to piss people off? I worked on a psych unit many years ago and it seems to me that I am a lot more stable and put-together than the patients I remember who were labeled borderline. Where is the border anyway--between what and what? Sincerely, Just flew in from the border and, boy, are my arms tired! Dear Just flew in from the border, There are different degrees and severities of BPD. While people you may have met on a psych unit may have been the most severe, there are others who work, raise children and maintain stable relationships. While most people suffering from BPD have had histories of sexual or physical abuse, that is not true in all instances. BPD does not exist alone. It has companion disorders such as:
Another interesting aspect of BPD is that symptoms seem to lesson as the person gets older. People with BPD in their 20's are likely to become more stable when they reach their 30's. Your favorite shrink also said that you have some borderline tendencies. That does not mean you suffer from BPD. It means you have some behaviors that are similar to one who suffers from BPD. Among the behaviors he might be citing with regard to your borderline tendencies could be:
None of these behaviors are irreversible and you are not hopelessly annoying either. (Not yet at least but don't push it!) Rather than seeing your shrink's statement as something negative, why not try to initiate a dialogue where you can examine how some of these behaviors seem to prevent you from enjoying life and feeling good about yourself. You may take some pride in your clever cynicism and ability to piss people off, ( I know; they deserve it anyway.) but look at the price you pay for this "gift." Let me tell one last thing about borderlines that I have known. They are usually pretty smart and they are also very likeable when they aren't driving you crazy. Maybe you can find ways to keep some of the good stuff while lessening the bad. Let me know what you think. happy(myarmsarenottootiredbutmyfeetaresore)shrink
Happy, This is SOOOOOO COOOOOL .....I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving. JeWitch Dear JeWitch, You are the only one moving. Everyone else is scared stiff! happy(notmovingasinglemuscle)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I have been a manager in a hospital for almost a year. It has been hell right from the beginning. I have a boss who really dislikes me and she is quite unprofessional. But she has the power and I just have to get out. I have stayed this long because I don't know how to explain to the next employer why I left a position like that so soon. I am making good money there and in my profession (occupational health nursing) there aren't that many openings, especially at Christmas time. How do I gloss over this and not talk about a negative relationship with this boss to prospective employers? I am getting depressed because it is so hostile at work. I have to hold everything in. I am feeling so bad it's starting to affect my relationships with my boyfriend and son. I am tense most of the time now. I can't calm down. I probably am not sleeping really well. How do you continue to believe in yourself through this kind of experience and keep going? S****** Dear S****** This is a difficult situation however not that unusual. You are right in trying to seek an new job. No job is worth damaging your relationship with family and loved ones. One thing you can say to a perspective new employer is that this job is not meeting your professional needs. I am sure you can come up with very general reasons that won't set off too man red flags but the issue of why you are leaving a good paying job is inevitable. Anyone applying for a new job is usually leaving an old one. Don't let the worry of your difficult situation paralyze you. Start thinking positively. What are the skills and qualities you bring to a job that make you a desirable candidate? Focus on your assets and keep that the focus of the interview. Often, when we spend a lot of time at a dysfunctional job, we can forget how good we really are. You need to remember that about yourself and think about all the good reasons why you are in occupational health nursing. Good luck S****** and please update me on your progress. happy(beenindifficultworksituationstoo)shrink
Happy, You know, if you teach your kid to be polite and courteous in the home, when he grows up, he will never be able to edge his car onto a freeway. JeWitch Dear JeWitch, I know that this may be hard for you to believe but courtesy and politeness can help you to navigate the freeway of life. Yes, people who care about one another and show there commitment to positive ideals move faster and with less obstacles than people who are rude and selfish. Teach your kids that those who cut you off and take advantage of you on the highway of life are likely to be stopped by a State Trooper down the road. Of course while they are stopped and being issued a citation, you can teach your kids how to flip them the bird. happy(bahahahahaha)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia about 10 years ago. I am on a major tranquilizer and an anti-depressant. I also take an anxiety medication for panic attacks, however that has diminished over time and I take this medication about once a month. During the past 10 years, I have been hospitalized twice. On both occasions the clinic I go to changed my psychiatrist and the new psychiatrist decided to reduce my medication and see what happens. What happened was not very pleasant for me or my family. I have just been told that my current psychiatrist is leaving the clinic and I will be again reassigned. Is there any way that I can make sure that I am not treated like a guinea pig for the third time? Do I have any rights with regard to my medication? I have been working at the same job for three years and I don't want to screw it up. Any suggestions would be helpful. MT Dear MT, Your concerns are valid and I have known more that a few people diagnosed with a severe and persistent mental illness that have had similar experiences. The first thing I would do if I were you is to speak with your current psychiatrist (if possible) or your therapist and raise these concerns. I would also go so far as to ask for an appointment with the Clinic's Medical Director. Raise your concerns there and make sure that your new psychiatrist will be made aware of them. If you feel that the Clinic is not listening to you, there is a Patient Advocate Department at every State's Office of Mental Health. The name may be different from state to state, but its purpose is to ensure that your rights as a consumer are protected. The Clinic is required to post this information or make it available to you upon request. Make sure you get the number from your psychiatrist or therapist. That alone will send a message to them that you're concerns must be heard. Sometimes you have to make a little noise to get your needs met MT. Good luck and please let me know what happens. happy(makingalotofstomachnoisesthistimeofyear)shrink
Dear Happy - Light sabers don't kill people. Jedi's kill people. Love, Wind(maytheforcebewithyou)NWillows Dear WindNWillows, You make a good point. Now take your meds and go to sleep. happy(lookinglikeYodathesedays)shrink
Happy, Did you know that,
Armadillos have four babies at a time
and they are always all the same sex.
Edna Dear Edna, You make a good point. Now take your meds and go to sleep. happy(lookinglikeanarmadillobutnotsurewhichsex)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I am an alcoholic in early recovery. I have been sober for 8 months and I am dreading Christmas. My last relapse was over the holidays last year and I don't want to repeat the same mistakes. I have asked my family for help by refraining from serving alcohol during Christmas dinner and other family get-togethers. They tell me that, they are not the one who has a drinking problem; I am and they shouldn't have to be inconvenienced by my problem. Actually, drinking has been a problem for my family for many years. My grandfather died of liver disease and my father has had a number of DUI's and was hospitalized about 10 years ago with DT's (Delirium Trauma). My history is nothing to be proud of either, but I am the first member of my family to try and get help. My friends at Alcoholics Anonymous think that my family is part of my problem. I agree with them, but I don't want to spend Christmas by myself. I am not in a relationship right now and the only really close friends I have are in AA. What can I do to make the holidays a sober one for me? hanging by a thread Dear hanging by a thread, You are not only the first member of your family to seek help. You are also the first member of your family to recognize that drinking is a problem; not only for you, but for everyone. If your family can't support your sobriety, your friends from AA can. I would suggest you find someone at AA (perhaps your sponsor) to spend Christmas with. If this upsets your family, you can tell them that it was necessary for you to do this in order to stay sober. Hopefully they will understand, but even if they don't, you need to save yourself. You can't save them unless they recognize that they have a problem. Another important thing to remember is that despite your family's lack of support, it's you who will choose to drink or stay sober this Christmas. Don't use them as an excuse anymore. It's counter to everything you are trying to accomplish at AA. Be the person you are capable of being, hanging by a thread. Show your family what an Alcohol free life can accomplish and then it's up to them to assess their own lives. happy(takingoneshoppingdayatatime)shrink
Dear Happy, As a public service to all the people visiting New York City for the holidays, I would like to go over some special driving rules that are unique in the Big Apple: The Rules for Driving in New York City
Actually, these rules also apply to Orlando, Florida. However, you'd have to add: ignore stop signs and speed limits. Here is another popular Orlando traffic rule: when leaving a shopping center during rush hour, never use the exit with a traffic light. Instead, always cross three lanes of oncoming traffic by leaving at the non-traffic light exits, as the other drivers will always see you and stop. [Extra points are awarded for the number of cars that plow into the rear of the car that plows into you.] JeWitch Dear JeWitch, Your list is a good start but it is somewhat incomplete. here are a few more to think about"
Ignoring speed limits and stop signs would also be a rule in New York if they weren't all stolen. I'm sure I missed a few rules but that should be enough for the average tourist to digest in one visit. Thanks for your help JeWitch. happy(roadragewarrior)shrink
Back to "Ask Happyshrink" Home Page Back to most current postings
|
