Postings from November 16-30, 2000
Hey Happy, I have been reading a book called the "Four Agreements", and I have been trying very hard to follow these agreements the best I can , one day at a time. One of the agreements is to not assume, which I have done all my life. I always assume no one wants to talk to me, or that some one is mad at me. You name it, as long as it is negative toward me, I assume it. So, this particular agreement has been one of the hardest to do. But today I went to the gym and tried not to assume that every one there thought I was not worthy of speaking to, and low and behold, several people spoke to me today. I think it had more to do with my own energy, because I think I tend to put off this energy that says "STAY AWAY". I am so afraid that no one will like me that I just want every one to leave me alone, and yet i wish they would talk to me. GEEZ, how confusing. So any way, today I didn't assume, and I didn't push people away, that was cool. On the way home from the gym I was proud of myself for that, and for some reason started thinking about my mother. I remembered how so many times she told me how disappointing I was, and I thought, if she was alive to see Jennifer, she would be a mess. I started to get angry, REALLY angry. I never did any where near the things Jennifer has put me through, never skipped school, never partied, came home on time, never stole the car, and on and on. I, compared to a lot of the kids I knew and the kids now, was pretty damn good. It just really pisses me off that my mother called me a disappointment. Because, I'M NOT! Oh, by the way, one of the other agreements is not to take things personally. I don't think I did so well on that one today. Methos(practicingagreement4-doingthebestIcan) Dear Methos, You can assume that I am always happy to hear from you. And if you take that personally, that's ok too. Nobody's perfect including your mother, your daughter and me. (Although I'm getting damn near close). happy(willalwaysassumethebestforMethos)shrink
Dear Happy,Do you Remember.....
If you remembered 0-5 = You're still
young. JeWitch Dear JeWitch, Ok, so I remember all of those things. So I'm older than dirt! I don't need to take this abuse on the Internet. I can always make myself a nice hot cup of Ovaltine, take some Geritol, sit on my divan and listen to my victrola.
Good Evening Happy, Hope you are enjoying life. I am listening to my teenagers argue. One saying the other one is saying threatening things and that he hates his eight year old sister and that she is a b%&@h. What is this! I will not allow this kind of talk to take place in the house. Name calling, and saying don't tell or I will beat you up. We bring them both out together to question them on this and he says no, I did not say anything, 5 minutes later he is saying well I said this but not this. Sounds fishy to me. This is not the first time either. Do you think I need to get him into some kind of counseling? ocdnet(readytopullmyhairout)angel Dear ocdnetangel, Frankly, it sounds like normal family life to me. If the kids got along too well I would be more suspicious. There may be something going on with your teenage son who is abusive to his sister, however it is not necessarily the case. Every teenage boy hates his eight year old sister (assuming they have one). That's pretty normal and I don't think your son needs counseling solely because of that. Your son's behavior does require some intervention and perhaps even disciplining, but nobody is perfect and one's teenage years are about as imperfect as you can get. This leads me to another concern that may require some professional intervention. Your kids are being asked to follow some pretty detailed rules around the house due to your OCD. While they have been cooperative and understanding about it, that doesn't mean it occurs without tension, anxiety and resentment. Your son's abusiveness towards your daughter may be a reaction to these rules. Younger children are always a good target for a teenager's frustration. I would suggest some family therapy. This could be a good vehicle for your kids to express their feelings and help you to find out what is really going on with your teenage son. If other issues emerge, you can always consider individual counseling as an option. happy(stillenjoyinglife)shrink
Dear Happy, There is SOMETHING HERE for EVERYONE !! Dear Edna, I think that some of OKgirl's and St. Theresa's more recent dates actually like the above behaviors in a woman. happy(likesomeofthosebehaviors)shrink
Happy, 1st please allow me to remain anonymous. Now for the big problem. I am totally in love with my daughter-in-law. She is also in love with me. We do not act on the feelings as we do not wish to hurt anyone else. It isn't infatuation and has continued for several years now. I am the one with the biggest problem. My love for the daughter-in-law is exceptionally strong and nothing either of us have tried seems to help diminish it. I think about her often even though I try not to. Yes once in a while I think about her sexually but really drive those out of my head quickly as I do not think I can stand that pressure. We have always been really good friends and neither of us knows how it came to be so very much more. Neither of us want to give up what is the best friend we have. Is there any hope for this situation? Also I have told both my wife and son(her husband) how I feel. I haven't told anyone that she feels the same about me. We share almost 100% of the same interests, likes, dislikes, etc. I know these feeling are inappropriate but cannot help having them. Anon Dear Anon, This situation sounds like an accident waiting to happen. While you both seem to want to keep the status quo, how long will that last? All marriages go through struggles and difficult times. If either of you are having difficulty in your marriage, the temptation to seek intimacy from each other will be great. I am curious to know what your wife and son have said about this relationship? I can't imagine that they are thrilled with it. If you and your daughter-in-law decide to act on your feelings for one another, then you will both hurt people you love. Screenwriters may write happy endings in movies about these situations but in real life, there is no easy way out of it. If you and your daughter-in-law feel that you need to act on your feelings, you have to be willing to face the consequences. If you really want to stop this relationship, you need to distance yourself from your son and daughter in law. It may require moving, seeing them less, etc. I know that you consider your feelings to be love as opposed to infatuation because it has lasted over several years. Another possibility to consider is that it may be an obsession. Having a younger woman show interest in you can be very appealing and make you feel younger and more vital. I have known people who have held on to these relationships for many years. It may feel good on some level, but ultimately it is harmful and self destructive. You may need some counseling to work these things out Anon. Get the help you need. There are may people that can be harmed by this situation including you. Please feel free write again. happy(lifeisn'teasy)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I am so sick of the FLORI-DUH jokes ... STOP IT ALREADY !!! If you don't like the way we count then take I-95 and visit one of the other 56 states. Edna Dear Edna, I hope to visit one of the 6 states that neither Bush nor Gore will be President of. happy(goingtovisitthegreatstateofapathy)shrink
Dear Happy, I think I have a big problem. My homosexual, male friend of 3 years may have a serious mental illness. To give a brief history, he was severely physically, mentally and sexually abused as a child. He "came out" about 4 years ago and has struggled ever since. He comes across as being overly-confident and charismatic. He has experimented heavily with marijuana, alcohol, then acid, mushrooms, ectacy, speed and probably more than I am unaware of... That should bring us up to date. Since last December he expressed a new found relationship with God, which is fine. The more I hung out with him, the more I saw that this relationship was becoming obsessive and unhealthy. Six months ago he actually came out and said that he believes he is the son of God, the Messiah, a reincarnation of Jesus. He spends his days thinking of all the evidence and experience he has to "back up" his theory. He follows the careers of many singers and rappers and believes that they all have roles in the end of days and that he will soons become a rapper who leads people to God. He is obsessed with reading and watching the news and believes the end is near and only those who know who my friend is will be led to God. I have watched him push many, many close friends away who didn't seem to see "the truth". He becomes very angry and often screams, sometimes violently throwing objects and even his cat a few times. He seems to believe that myself, another girl who's known him for a while, and our other gay friend are his angels and the only one's who believe in him. He becomes very sad when he talks about the possibility of any of us leaving him. I am very afraid that he will soon hurt himself or one of us if we cannot get help. This is a delicate situation and he has no one else, family-wise here to help him. I have talked with my other two friends and we all agree something must be done before he tries to start a cult! Please help! very very desperate Dear very very desperate, From what you have described, your friend is suffering from a very serious mental illness. He is exhibiting delusional as well as paranoid behaviors, but unless he does something clearly harmful to himself or another, he can not be forced into seeking help. As friends you may have some influence on him but ultimately he must be willing to get the help he needs. The best thing that you and his other friends can do is to let him know that you are all very concerned about him and that you want him to seek help. This may alienate him from you and his other friends, however if you patronize his delusions, it will only feed them. Perhaps a group of you can do an "intervention" where all of you meet with him together and urge him to get treatment. There is strength in numbers and it may be harder for him to dismiss all of your concerns at once. This is a very difficult situation for you and your friends very very desperate. I know what it's like to see someone you care about engage in self destructive behavior and refuse help. Be persistent in your efforts, however if he continues to feed his delusions, you may have to withdraw for his sake as well as your own. Please feel free to update me on what's going on. Good luck. happy(andknowshislimitations)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Did you ever wonder if your computer was a boy or a girl?
Here's an interesting take - The men's group decided that computers should
definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because: WindNWillows Dear WindNWillows, What's the French article for a "transsexual?" Le happy(andstillmasculinelasttimeIlooked)shrink
Hi Happyshrink, I would like know how to let go of anger and resentment when a relationship ends. WA Dear WA, It is not unusual to experience a great deal of anger and resentment when a relationship ends. You may feel like you have invested time and emotional energy to a person you cared for and now you have nothing to show for it. The process of getting over this is not easy and there is no quick fix. There are a few things you can do to make the healing process move more quickly. One suggestion I have is to keep busy. I don't necessarily recommend that you rush into another relationship, but do some social things with friends that will make you feel good about yourself and valued by others. It is also good to talk to close friends about how you feel. While it may not be good to belabor your anger, it is important to be able to express it to people you trust and who care about you. Talking to others may also help you put things in perspective. As bad as things feel right now, it will pass and friends may be able to share that with you. Lastly WA, if all else fails, you might want to consider seeing a therapist for a number of sessions. The therapist can help you get over the grieving process and move on with your life. Life will go on WA. You just need to give yourself time to heal. Please feel free to write me again. happy(lifegoesonandonandonandon..)shrink
Happy,
As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Irishman and touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Irishman felt the strength come back to his leg, so he got up and danced a jig out the door. JeWitch Dear JeWitch, Some healings are even too hard for Jesus. happy(BlameFlorida)shrink
Dear HappyShrink, I got my 10 year old daughter into therapy. For the 3rd time, fourth therapist. No, she is not chewing them up and spitting them out, each time either the insurance is causing problems or the therapist quits the clinic to open her practice in the affluent Northern Suburbs. This time I found an individual who seems to have a comittment to practicing in my charming, but decidedly blue collar area. She seems to be helping my daughter. The kid actually did most of her work IN SCHOOL last week. So What's the problem? My ex, who is required to provide the girls with health insurance, calls to say, "Oh by the way, I changed jobs last week. The girls won't have insurance 'til the 1st of December, I don't think the new insurance covers mental health treatment." Even if it did, there is a pre-existing condition clause, so anything the kids have been treated for in the past 6 months won't be covered for a year! Tell me again that they aren't out to get me...If he had just told me he was planning on changing jobs, we could have waited a few weeks on starting treatment, and given him some feedback about which insurance plan to choose. Even if the insurance doesn't have a pre-existing conditions clause and does cover mental health treatment, the odds that it will cover this particular provider 500 miles away from the source of the insurance seems small and wee. I am so frustrated I feel like my head is going to explode! (he says COBRA will cost more than $900, so he's not about to do that.) Sincerely, Sick of Tilting at the Insurance Co. Windmills Dear Sick of Tilting at the Insurance Co. Windmills, I wish I had a simple answer for you. I don't know if your ex is legally responsible for her medical "care" as well as her insurance, but I would certainly press the issue that he pay for your daughter's therapy. At least you can work out something where both you and he contribute. The healthcare system in this country is getting worse and worse. I know this sounds a bit naive and perhaps even patronizing, but I would write your congresspersons, state officials, the governor's office etc. This is an ever growing problem that won't go away until we have some form of national health insurance. I would urge everyone reading this web page to do the same. It is only going to get worse unless people agree to do something about it. happy(willwritehiscongresspeopletoo)shrink
Happy, Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg? Lucy Gail Dear Lucy Gail, Humpty Dumpty was an egg? Jeeze why the hell didn't the King's horses end up eating that sucker? happy(goingtogetaneggmcmuffinforbreakfast)shrink
Happy, As you know I have been taking classes in massage, and in this school I am required to give several speeches. I would like to give one speech on the benefits of massage on individuals with mental illness. I would like to give this speech in front of PhD's and other licensed counselors. I believe that massage is a wonderful tool for helping people to achieve a relaxed enough state to allow themselves to peel away some of the layers that contribute to depression and other mental conditions. I have used massage as another tool, combined with therapy, in my own personal growth. Since I am looking at talking with highly professional people about the positive affects of massage, I need some ideas from you on how to go about it, and what you think might be some of the most important information these people would need to hear. I want to present massage as another tool therapists can use, along with therapy, books, tapes and other things that are considered. So, maybe you could think about what you would want to hear about and what your concerns are. Since you work with mental illness, would you consider massage as a possible tool to help along with therapy? If so why, and if not why? Also, are there certain types of mental illness that would benefit more than others? Your input would be greatly appreciated. Methos(haveagreatthanksgivingbothwithyourfamilyandwiththoseatclusterhouse) Dear Methos, Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family as well. Massage has been used by psychotherapists to aid in treatment for some time. I know quite a few psychotherapist in New York that have been trained at the Rolf Institute, who do soft tissue massage along with psychotherapy. According to my colleagues, this technique relaxes the patient, reduces stress and enables more meaningful interaction during the treatment session. To find out more about the Rolf Institute and the techniques of Rolfing click here. From a biological prospective, there have been studies in psychoneuroimmunology describing benefits from reducing stress which may affect many different types of illness including cancer, infections and depression. I don't know of any specific studies but I'll bet that if you do a web search for psychoneuroimmunology, you will come up with something. Lastly Methos, there is one instance where I would be hesitant to use massage. I would want to be familiar with the person's physical condition to make sure that the massage would not have any adverse physical effects. I would also be very cautious when using these techniques with severe and persistent mentally ill people. Some of them have big time issues with being touched let alone massaged. People also dealing with post traumatic stress may also have issues with touch. Making sure that the person is properly suited for massage will be very critical in it's effective and positive use. Good luck with your talk and let me know how it turns out. happy(massaginghisbrainallthetime)shrink
Hi Happy, The medication, Effexor, is working. It was prescribed by a psychiatrist who is monitoring the dosage, it took about a month to take effect. The anxiety is mostly gone. I'm grateful that they have a medication that would help me. I don't recommend it to any one else but wanted to let you know it works for me. Thanks for your help in suggesting that some need more help than others. Jellyerole Dear Jellyerole, I am glad the Effexor is working well. Effexor is a very good medication for many people and has recently been approved by the FDA as a long term treatment for Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I hope you had a happy and panic free Thanksgiving. happy(nopanicbutlotsofindigestion)shrink
Dear Happy, Sometimes I wish I could just find and marry someone trustworthy and faithful like JeWitch did. There just aren’t enough sailors to go around. I am thinking about taking out an ad in the Personals Section of the local paper. How does this sound ? I don’t know what you heard or read about me on any bathroom walls in town, but none of it is true. There’s just some people in the Circle K Trailer Park that are out to get me. I’m not really easy or anything and I don’t know anything about any busload of bagpipe players who came thru here last summer. It was some other barmaid who put them up at her trailer for four nights and three days. It wasn’t me. Maybe you should know a thing or two about what I like to do on a date. I like to eat good--can’t be anything that comes in a paper bag. I like wine--as long as it’s strawberry. I like movies, to--but don’t you go trying to put your hand up my dress as soon as the lites go out or I’m libel to slug you. There’s a time and a place for everything. I want to know if I’m at least gonna like the plot before I start making out in the theater. And another thing, when you spend the nite with me at my trailer, there’s no way in hell I’m making you bacon and eggs the next morning. I’m a barmaid, not no short order cook. Now that we got the ground rules strait, maybe you can call me up and ask me out. I might even say yes if your lucky. I got to go now. Jenny Jones has got some real screwed up people on her show. Where do they find all these losers anyway ? Edna Dear Edna, I'm sure the guys will be lining up in front of your trailer once you run that ad. Regards from the 177th Fife and Drum squad. happy(lostmybagpipes)shrink
Have a happy and bountiful Thanksgiving. I am thankful for everyone who has shared their joy and sorrow on this web page. happy
Dear Happy, Hope you are receiving snow where you are and that it feels like the holidays are upon us. I have decorated for Christmas (little early this year); it always makes me feel better. I love this time of year. I was want your opinion or input on relationships (with anyone) with someone who is ocd (and/or) ocpd. I find it very hard to trust people, anyone. I do not have many friends, feel they are just not worth the effort. My best friends (maybe only friends) would be my husband, my mom, my dad, and one girlfriend from many, many years. I have acquaintances, but they think they are more of a friend than they are. Would ocd/ocpd have anything to do with distancing yourself from others? Our counselor was over to the house last night and we told the children about my ocd/ocpd. What we worked out is, with the kitchen and nobody allowed to touch anything in there, we are getting them a little frig. We also worked on the shower situation (I want them showered when they come in at the end of the day) My 14 year old has a problem with this because he is never dirty. Anyway, he can come in and stay in his room until he is ready to shower. That works for me. We will just keep working on one thing at a time. Thanks for all your input, ocdnet(gettinghelptocope)angel Dear ocdnetangel, Most people suffering from ocd end up distancing themselves from people either consciously or unconsciously. The more people in your life, the more adjustments have to be made to cope with your ocd. Your husband, mom, dad, kids and trusted girlfriend are part of your "inner circle." They know and understand your condition and are willing to make accommodations. You may feel the need to hide your condition to others and this makes having a lot of friends more than worth the effort. Obviously, trust is a very big issue. So is fear of rejection. I'm glad you worked with your counselor to tell the kids about your condition. Giving them options like having their own refrigerator and allowing them to stay in their room until they are ready to take a shower is a good compromise for now. I hope you and your family have a happy and peaceful Thanksgiving. happy(peacefulandasthenamesayshappytoo)shrink
Dear Happy, I am so pissed. As a intelgent person, I saw to it that Dui and my Earl had all the liquor and beer in this house they could possibly need on Saturday night. And as a intelgent person, I saw that they did not drink it all up Saturday night so as to have hangover cure for Sunday. Here in Orlando, we can't git liquor on Sunday mornin'. So we was all sleepin it off , warm and cuddly with the roof fixed and all, and there is a bang on the side of the trailer at 7AM by our bedroom window. Then we hear Snake callin', Gind! Gind! "What the hell you want?" I says, "We cut the grass." He says, "Gind, I need a beer....... bad!" Kin you believe, the fool drank his whole stash. I swear! Now I have a headache bad, but I can't piss off the trailer court manager, so, I git up and give him 3 beers and go back to bed. No sooner do I get back to sleep and comes another knock, on the front door this time. It was a Reverand Al. He says he is with PK. (I heard that means Pimp Killers, cause they try to rid the streets of pimp's and hoes.) Anyway, he wanted me to get my Earl and Dui to come to a meetin'. I ment no disrespect, but I said "you say WHAT?" He could tell by my expression, that that weren't gonna happin, so he said, "Well, you could just gimmy a donation then". So I gave him 3 beers too. What do you think of all these moochers. Well, it all gives me cramps. I'm goin back to bed. Gind Rinker Dear Gind, I thought Reverend Al was kidding me when he told me he was in the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program. I guess he was serious. Only difference between him and the Jehovah's witnesses up North is that they start ringing the doorbell an hour earlier up here. Be thankful you got to sleep until 7:30am. happy(IwishIcouldgobacktobed)shrink
Happy, My name is Jon and I have been having very depressing dreams lately. None are the same, yet they all have this one girl in them. I was hoping you could tell me something about these dreams but before I start, let me share with you a little background... I'm 16 and a while ago I went out with this girl Denise. Oh I loved her. I thought I was too young to know true love... until I met her. We dated for a while and were perfect together. All of her friends told me how much she was smiling lately, and how upbeat she was. I was even getting better grades when I was with her. Then out of nowhere she breaks up with me... very abrupt and not giving much explanation. I missed her so much I didn't date for a year. She wouldn't even talk to me. But time went on and things changed. One day she and I were talking and laughing and things felt like old times. Then she was silent again. It hurt so bad to loose her once, and even worse to loose her again. Now I still think about her and she is single and only recently I have had a few dreams with her in them. I hope you can tell me something... I did some research on dreams and all I learned is that "interpreters" want a butt-load of money and that certain colors represent certain things, so I am going to write the dreams as detailed as I can. 1st dream I was in a maze with large black walls. I knew where to go, but I didn't know how. Every time I tried to go somewhere, I ended up where I started. Then I stopped and looked to the sky. as I looked an angelic figure descended to my plain. I looked into her eyes and knew instantly it was Denise. She wore a flowing white dress and had a long red ribbon in her hair. She pointed one way and I saw paradise. She strode into this lush world and stopped, turned around and I awoke to a whisper of "Here I wait" The next day she and I talked and I took notice to a ribbon in her hair almost identical to the one in the dream. I didn't want to say anything so as not to freak her out, but I grew weak and didn't know what was happening. Then another dream 3 nights later. 2nd Dream I was sitting in a high school classroom. Everything seemed familiar and insignificant in an "I've seen this all before" kind of way. Then I noticed that Denise was sitting right in front of me. She wore a very vivid red shirt. I tried to talk to her, but she ignored me. She was talking to someone to her right that wore all black. I looked at him wondering who he was. Then he turned around and I saw that it was me, but a very different me. A darker me. A hateful me. He spoke to her only so I could not. I tried calling to her, but all she heard were his words. I fell to my knees and saw that evil face encompass me... laughing and taunting... until suddenly it all stopped... there was silence. I saw myself alone in the dark weeping, then there was another whisper "Fear not for I too feel this." I awoke cold and in the dark. That whole day it stormed, and I was sullen. That whole day she looked at me awkwardly. That whole day I cried to myself. That whole day I died. Believe it or not this is all exactly as I remember it. I keep a dream log next to my bed and these are the dreams. I don't know whether to be scared, or what. But I ask that you tell me what this all might mean. Thank you forever. Without a doubt, Jon Dear Jon, The break up of a loving relationship is extremely difficult and it often feels like mourning the death of a loved one. You sound extremely depressed and your dreams reflect your sense of loss and fears of the future. In your first dream, Denise is an angel. The Denise who was in love with you has gone to heaven and is telling you that she is waiting. Perhaps in your depression you have contemplated suicide, however the "other" Denise is still on earth and still has the ribbon in her hair. This may give you hope that she will still return to you on earth. The second dream is supernatural too, but here Denise shows her evil side and the part of you she loves is evil too. Perhaps this dream is a warning that to continue your love for Denise may lead to your downfall. The message here is to move on with your life. Perhaps a part of you did die the day after that dream. It just may be your realization that it's time to stop mourning and start living again. This is really what you need to do Jon. Lastly, I would urge you to see a school counselor or a therapist to help you get over your depression. I am concerned that this can get even worse if you don't get help. This is a time of your life when you need to expand your friendships and intimacies. Your fixation on the loss of Denise is preventing you from enjoying what should be a very exciting and special time in your life. Get the help you need Jon and let me know what you think about my dream interpretations. happy(don'tdreamyourlifeaway)shrink
Dear Happy, Just wanted to fill you in on what's been going on in my life. I am still working at Wal-Mart. I am in the shoe department. I get five percent off of what you would have to pay for shoes. I get a lot of shoes. My new boyfriend’s name is Harlan. He is an auto mechanic at Spiffy Lube. He looks just like Garth Brooks only he’s balder and doesn't have a black hat. Harlan and I have been dating for two weeks. It’s pretty serious. He sleeps over about every nite that his wife works the graveyard shift at the tire factory. Well, I have to go now. Edna Dear Edna, Sounds like the more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm glad you have been able to hold down your job at Wal-Mart. It's been a year and a half now....a new record for you. If this new boyfriend lasts through Christmas, that may be a new record too. Enjoy your Thanksgiving Edna. happy(haslotstobethankfulfor)shrink
Dear Happyshrink: I have been taking antidepressants for 5 years: 1 1/2 years on Prozac, and then 3 1/2 years on Zoloft. Of course, they were prescribed by psychiatrists. I am wondering if there is anyway to know when to stop taking them. Is there such a thing as a time limit on their effectiveness? That is, after a certain number of years, do they stop working all together? I find myself in the middle of an anxiety attack, which has never happened before. Could that be the result of the Zoloft? I hope my questions do not seem odd, and I appreciate any help you can give me. Thank you. ez Dear ez, The new and different stresses of everyday life along with your depressive symptoms can require medications to be adjusted or changed. I don't think that the Zoloft is causing the panic attacks but your condition may require an adjustment in your medication. I would speak to your psychiatrist and let him know about the panic attacks. The options can be adjusting the dosage of your medication, changing it, or adding a new medication to your treatment. This decision though should include your input too. Let your psychiatrist know how you feel about being on antidepressants for 5 years and your desire to get off of them. I can't tell you if this is a realistic possibility but your psychiatrist can ez. Please let me know what he/she says. happy(hopingitsapossibility)shrink
Happyshrink, If you mix milk of magnesia with vodka and orange juice, do you get a Phillip's screw driver? JeWitch Dear JeWitch, No you don't, but you get one hell of a time in the bathroom. Thanks for the suggestion. happy(foundtheultimatelaxative)shrink
Hey there, I have not written to you in a while. I have gone through quite a bit, for me anyhow, and things are rough. It seems like I am on a rollercoaster, but unfortunately it does not seem to want to stop. I met someone online. We e-mailed and that escalated to phone and e-mail. The phone was ridiculous when I look back, but at the time it made sense. We averaged 4 hours a night for a week and a half. I brought up the fact that it could be destructive instead of constructive, to our personal lives which were now on hold, and she understood. She always commented on my voice and how I entertained her. I did most of the talking, like 60 percent, and she never really spoke too much. We covered all kinds of personal stuff about one another and I was like "I'm in love" and it was with someone I had never even met! We talked about meeting and set up a time and place. It kept getting pushed back, so after some convincing she agreed for an evening meeting. I drove for 5 hours, got sick because of my nerves and eating large quantity of spicy food on an acid filled stomach, and then got rid of it, felt better, we walked and talked and had a good time. Around 2300 hours I left, feeling pretty tired. I drove for a short while and pulled over for a nap. Got up after an hour, drove home and while wide awake, hit a deer that jumped out infront of me. Fighting with the insurance company, studying for a mid-term, and concerns for her has made me sick every morning. Not emptying sick, just a wreck of nerves. So we met again for our scheduled meeting and she was tired after 4 hours of driving, I myself was tired after 3 hours for me, so we walked around and stopped at the shops. The only nice two places to eat were a couple hour wait, it was cold, we were tired, so I suggested to call it a night. She agreed and we hugged a good hug and went our own ways home. This was last weekend. It was a nice time, but I held her hand for 10 minutes and that was it, I gave her hugs and she just didn't return it until the end of the night when we were saying good-bye. I just figured maybe she was tired. Now she changed her profile on Bolt, an Internet meeting place, and her status went from "taken"- we changed ours together from "not dating anyone" to "taken"- to nothing, she took the effort to remove that selection option on her profile. This occurred last night after our phone conversation. The phone call went well, we were not joking about sex, as we did a lot before, and it was about an hour. She has been in training since Tuesday so I did not worry about her lack of noting to me, but now the change to her profile? She used to say things like "morning sweetie" and such and Tuesday I got a "I'm very busy, but just wanted to say hi, so hi" and last night she wrote about some questions she left open on her profile that people can answer. I am confused, why the sudden change? After our first meeting she seemed really interested and we made plans for the American Thanksgiving weekend, she was going to spend the weekend here with me. I am going to wait and see if she brings it up. If not I guess I can assume she does not want things as they were, or to progress to the next level. We even talked about being faithful and all that. I don't know, she is different in person, I figured the first time- nervous, the second- tired, but now the profile change? My neighbor was telling me of a girl at work who is 2 years older than me and he we went to meet her. I don't know what she thinks, but she smiled and laughed a lot, and Joe (neighbor) said she was giggling with her friends yesterday, but he has not had a chance to talk to her yet. I think she is very cute. However, I am concerned about the Internet girl, she has never addressed me as boyfriend, even though I call her girlfriend. We changed our profiles to taken on October 25th. Maybe we got too close too soon; I figured she must want to slow things down! People I talk to say go for the next girl, you don't have anything with the first one anyway. I just don't want to be seeing someone when I still have Michele (Internet girl) but I don't know what is going on and I don't want to seem paranoid and probing as to " why did you change your profile?" type stuff. The people I talk to also say you have to want the person sexually as well as emotionally. Michele is okay, doesn't make me think of "taking a longer shower" or whatever you want to call it, but I feel so close emotionally from the phone and e-mails. Nicole, second girl, is very attractive, but I do not know her like I know Michele and I don't want to be "cheating" or anything, meeting Nicole is nothing, but to start seeing her would be, wouldn't it? I don't know, I am really confused. I have never been in a "dating" relationship before and I don't want to hurt Michele, but I also want to know why she changed her profile, I could be nothing or it could be a subtle hint to me! At the same time, I would like to get to know Nicole. What should I do? I hope this is not too confusing or long, Really Confused! : | Dear Really Confused, You are not the first and you won't be the last person that has been bitten by the Internet "Love Bug." The Internet enables people to develop intense intimacy in a short time. Eventually though, the cyber relationship needs to turn into a real one with hugging, kissing and.... well I don't have to spell it out for you. Clearly, something has changed and you need to find out what it is. I would call Michelle and ask her what's going on. After all you have shared with one another, this is no time to avoid dealing with feelings. Perhaps the relationship is too much for her to handle right now. The distance is clearly an obstacle too. If she is still interested in an intimate relationship with you, I think the next get together has to be longer than a day and with an opportunity to rest up after a long drive. Your two meetings sounded more like ordeals than exciting and romantic events. The next meeting, (if there is one) needs to be that in order for the relationship to move forward. Lastly Really Confused, if things don't work out, you need to think about the timing of getting into a new relationship right now. If your are grieving over the loss of this Internet relationship, it might not be in your best interest to rush out and get a new "girlfriend." Please let me know how things turn out. Good luck. happy(alwaysintimateontheInternet)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Could my penis be smaller than it should be because I had an accident before puberty on the testes. I fell on a bike and it hurt like hell. Now I can feel a large lump in the same testicle, could that be the reason? How do I know if my body is producing enough testosterone? I am lifting weights also, and I see that the boy I am lifting with gets more progress but we lift the same, what's that all about???? asdfasdf Dear asdfasdf, Every person has a different growth potential and body shape. While weight lifting and exercise can improve your physique, someone else with a different body shape, metabolism and genetic make up may have significantly different results while doing the same exercises. As far as your penis and testicles are concerned, you might want to discuss your earlier injury with your family doctor or a urologist. I don't think this injury would have any effect on your penis size but the large lump in your testicle is something you should check out right away. It's what you don't know that can harm you. Good luck and let me know what your doctor says. happy(usedtoliftweightsbutneverlookedlikeArnold)shrink
Happy,
I'm glad that by the fifth time I showed up at your door, you figured out that it was scam. You are getting smarter every day! happy(showmeyour$#%@$%)shrink
Dear Happy, Well, as I'm writin' you, Dui's up on the roof of the trailer patchin' a hole. He is such a good man. How it happen is this. Well, the boys had the day off and my Earl had to mow the lawn, cuz the trailer park manager, Snake, gave us a notice bout the lawn. So after our first beer and eggs, (we all know that gets our hangover straight{Dui got paid yesterday}) Dui and my Earl went outside with a six pack and started that mower. While my Earl was wackin them weeds, Dui washed the truck. That slut Edna had run out all the gas and musta taken it to the mud races and them kids of hers left fries and sticky stuff all over the inside. (That Dui is so fussyclean. He's such a good man.) Well, I'm gitten off side here. Dui left the hose hangin on the truck mirror. After all that work, the boys were thirsty and plumb otta beer and cigarettes. So my Earl got in the truck to go to the 7-11. None of us could even think of facin Sunday with no beer and cigarettes. Any how, when he backed out, the hose was stuck on the mirror and pulled the trailer off the blocks and broke the pipes. Inside I was thrown to the floor, but Dui was restin on the couch and he was OK. I was worried, cuz we hafta keep him workin. Well, while my Earl went after the beer, I fixed myself a glass of gin and Dui took out the jack to put the trailer back up on the blocks. My Earl couldn't face it with no beer. Anyway, by the time Earl got back, Dui had the trailer and the pipe fixed. He is so talented. The boys were real thirsty and they were shootin' the breeze about my Earls 410 shot gun while I was cookin' ham and greens. All of a sudden my Earl jumps to his feet with the 410 over his head and yells, "From my cold dead hands". Well, the gun went off and shot a hole in the ceiling that went through the roof. What I was writin' about is, I started crampin while I was washin' the greens. Would too many slim Jim's cause that? Gind Rinker Dear Gind, Yeah, I would lay off those Slim Jims for the next few months. Wouldn't hurt to cut down on the smoking and drinking too. Good luck with Earl jr. happy(shemustbehavingRosemary'sbaby)shrink
Dear Happyshrink My husband grew up in a large family and since he is the middle child, was often left out in all matter. I believe he grew up with a complex and a tremendous desire to dominate everyone around him. He wanted to please everyone with lots of cash and gifts. He basically wants to be accepted as an intelligent human being within his family. Which he is, no doubt in his industry but I find him quite immature at times. He has to date given 50% of his earnings to his extended family plus a house which is fully paid off. If I say something, I am the worst person in the world with materialistic desires only. At times if he throws tantrums like a small kid, cursing, shouting abusing. My question is : Can you tell me what kind of psychological problems is he suffering from? So that I can ask for help. I would really appreciate your help. Thanks in advance RC Dear RC, I can not really diagnose your husband based on the information you have given me. He may suffer from a personality disorder, however being ambitious, overly generous and even immature does not necessarily mean he's mentally ill. I'm not sure trying to analyze him will help to solve the problem anyway. Clearly there are problems in your marriage. You have different values when it comes to money for one thing and I suspect there are other differences of opinion as well. While he has the right to disagree with you and even argue, he doesn't have the right to be abusive. I would urge the two of you to go into marriage counseling. This process will enable both of you to look at the issues that are causing conflict in your marriage as well as look at each of your behaviors when there is conflict. If the counselor thinks that either of you may have a psychological problem he/she may recommend individual therapy. If these issues don't get resolved, your relationship can deteriorate even more. Don't delay on this RC. Both your futures depend on it. Let me know how things turn out. happy(andhopingforagoodfuture0shrink
Happy, Hey you! Parent's of the toddler shrieking out in public! Snap a muzzle on it, will ya?! Yeah, I'm referring to your bay-bee as "it" 'cause I can't tell what sex it is, all I can see is big ugly UVULA vibrating from the back of the brat's loud, wide open milk-hole! Clap one of your big meaty breeder paws over the kajillion decipel orifice, then get to work fastening the brat gag. For cryin' out loud, my parents would have WHOOPED my ass raw for a whimper, and here you've got a screaming weasel getting away with nonstop thrashing and yowling. SHEESH! Doris Dear Doris, So your parents would whoop your ass when you made as much as a whimper? And you want parents of children today to do the same? So you write me just to let people know that your parents' strict and punitive no bullshit approach to child rearing raised a bitter, angry and explosive sociopath. They must be very proud. happy(proudofDoristoo)shrink
Dear Happy, I'm glad to hear that you are happy because for the first time in a very long time I am too. I have a stable new job and a loving and caring boyfriend whom I have been dating for 10 months now. I am as debt free as anyone can be in this day and age. Up until recently I've lead a pretty wild life and had fun and learned some valuable lessons. I haven't been a saint, but I regret very little. Now here is my problem, you knew it had to be in here somewhere didn't you? I think that my boyfriend and I have the beginnings of a fantastic relationship. He treats be better than any man/boy ever has. He listens to me, respects my decisions and tries to understand my eccentricities. I love hugging and being held by him and I enjoy the time we spend together. We have little arguments now and then and make up and all is better. Early on in our relationship it was very passionate and we waited to become intimate for about 3 months. He was a virgin and I was not. When we first started making love, neither of us could keep our hands off of one another for very long and it was probably pretty amusing now that I think about it. My guilt is that within the last two months or so, I haven't been interested in sex very much and I think he sees it as me losing interest in him. I'm not, I feel so blessed, for lack of a better word, to be with him. We've talked about it, and I feel I've met the person who I could see spending the rest of my life with. But how can I think that and, for the most part, not feel like having sex with that person? And how do I explain this? I don't want to have sex be an obligation or a chore, I want to want to, if you get what I mean. But right now, I don't. And I know he wants to. Please help me figure out what is wrong with me, him, us. Thanks, Indigogrrl Dear Indigogrrl, It is not uncommon for romances to cool off somewhat after the early infatuation stage. Having a good sex life does involve investing time and effort, especially if you want the relationship to last. There are loads of books, videos and manuals on the subject and I don't think I need to go into details, but it wouldn't hurt to plan romantic evenings, activities, etc. Sex should never feel like a chore or an obligation, but sometimes you have to think creatively to make it more fun. It sounds like you know how to have fun Indigogrrl. I am sure you can come up something that can get you in the mood. This guy does sounds special Indigogrrl. Talk to each other about ways to enjoy your intimacy. It may be an awkward conversation at first but the more you understand each other's needs, the better you can find ways to satisfy them without it feeling like it is an obligation. Sex is only one part of a great relationship, but it's a major part. When it is not working for one person or the other, it can affect other parts of the relationship. Don't let that happen. Please update me on how it's going Indigogrrl. happy(andusuallyinthemood)shrink
Dear Hap,
All my life I wanted to be somebody. I see now I should have been more specific. Reverend Al Dear Reverend Al, When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anybody. They should have been more specific too. happy(gladhe'sanobodyjustlikeReverendAl)shrink
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