Postings from November 1-15, 2000
Dear Happyshrink, I am in the process of trying to recall what was most probably childhood abuse. I have researched everything I can on the Internet, and still cannot answer my basic question - did I make this up? I want to know how children act if they were abused at an age when they were too young to accurately describe or recall the abuse and if repeated abuse has an overall effect on a child's personality, ability to interact socially, etc. Do they carry on strange beliefs into their adolescence? Would they believe things that were bizarre, like being possessed? Do they have nightmares that last for years? If I have a clear sense of myself when I was growing up, but no real memory of abuse, can these two things be linked simply because of my recalled behaviors? I am tormented daily by the thought of what "could" have happened. If you know of another website that might have answers, please tell me. I am becoming very tired of this whole thing. Net Searcher Dear Net Searcher, When very young children are abused, (especially if the abuse is sexual) they will often engage in what is called "magical thinking" This magical thinking may interpret the abuse as done by a witch, an evil genie, a spaceman, a monster, etc. Those who abuse children may also terrorize the child and threaten them; if they tell the truth, something terrible will happen. Among the common terror tactics abusers use are the killing of small animals or insects, scaring the child with an ugly mask, forcing the child to eat or smell something bad, tying them up, leaving them for long periods of time in the dark or in a confined place, etc. As these children grow up and their minds develop, they have the capacity to repress these memories most of the time, however the memories may emerge in the form of nightmares. Stimuli related to the the abuse such as smell, sound and even taste can trigger anxiety and paranoia in place of remembering the actual events. Another extreme response to these memories may be Dissociative Disorders. In the extreme, this can be the development of multiple personalities to cope with "the demons." In other cases it can seem like a detached or out of body experience. The nightmares and other memories will incorporate the magical thinking so that they may seem unreal or made up. Evil Witches and monsters may be unreal, but the abusers are usually very real. The ability to recall what actually happened may be very difficult and at times individuals who were victims of early childhood abuse may think they actually made it up. On some level that's easier to accept than the horror of abuse. I don't think the Internet is where you can find the answers that you need to know Net Searcher. I think you need to work with your therapist to uncover the truth. It may take longer than you would like it to. I also realize that the process is exhausting and can cause great amounts of stress, anxiety and sadness. As difficult as this process is, you really need to stay with it. Somewhere in your mind is the truth and the truth will eventually set you free. Don't give up no matter how difficult or frustrating the process is. happy(won'tgiveupeither)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I received the news earlier this week from JeWitch that St. Theresa and her husband has split up. I am so sorry for her. I wished there was something I could do. It concerns me that she was having so much trouble in her marriage to this man. I know she has been married to him for many years but still I think she should have tried harder to keep him happy. I am hoping she will read this and take my advice. Remember to wash daily and use deodorant. A little make-up also does not hurt. Avon has some products that can really spruce up a woman’s looks. I know a lovely Avon lady her at the Circle K Trailer Park who I could send your way. Also, I am a firm believer that a woman is only as good as her recipes. Maybe your man left because he likes the food elsewhere. More than one man has been lured away by a woman who can make a better casserole than his wife can. Here’s a little tip-put one half cup of Old Milwaukee in the mashed potatoes next time instead of milk. I guarantee the men folk will love it or my name’s not Edna Hoppenstetter! One more thing... Sometimes the trouble in a marriage is due to what goes on in the bedroom. Now I know you may be uncomfortable, dear, hearing this from me, but some things need to be said. If he’s in the mood and you’re not, just shut your eyes and imagine he’s someone you’re really attracted to. It always works for me. If there’s anything else I can do, St. Theresa, don't hesitate to ask. JeWitch said that this is what St. Theresa wanted, the break up I mean, but maybe she is just saying that because there was trouble in the marriage and she didn't have anyone to give her some GOOD ADVICE. Edna Dear Edna, St. Theresa has plenty of people who give her good advice. There's me, Reverend Al, JeWitch, Okgirl,.....hmmmmm...... Maybe she got too much GOOD ADVICE. happy(ToomuchisneverenoughforStTheresa)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Why do most publication list Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs as being 5 needs and my old text book from college lists 7 needs? Aesthetic Needs and Cognitive needs are the two needs commonly dropped. Also, no two publications are alike with regard to the word used to label each need. Shouldn't all read exactly the same...as written by Maslow? How exactly did Maslow write it? LO Dear LO, To my knowledge, Maslow's hierarchy of needs have always been 5 levels. Maslow makes a distinction between cognitive (knowledge) needs from Aesthetic (beauty) needs, however they are part of self-actualization, the highest level of need. Mazlow's hierarchy of needs has taken on a life of its own and has been open to interpretations and refinement, just like psychoanalysis. I could list all five needs here, but maybe it would be good for people reading this web page to surf the net and find them on their own. The satisfaction that they will experience can lead to a greater attainment of self-actualization. happy(dealingwiththeneedtowakeupinthemorning)shrink
happyshrink, Obsessive junk collectors. Those people {and it seems like there are a handful in every town who have their whole house filled with CRAP} are sick! Every so often I'll see a story on the news about one of 'em. They've got stuff like stacks old newspapers, used up matchbooks by the drawer full, boxes full of old vegetable peelings, whole rooms piled up with old rags, calendars from l967-- they don't throw anything away! They sleep on a big pile of garbage! They wallow in it! Disgusting! Then, finally, after the home gets busted by the public health authorities for odor and for breeding vermin, the place gets roped off and fumigated, and all the mice and cockroaches end up escaping the fumes and find shelter inside the poor innocents neighbors' homes. I knew of one guy who was that way: kept everything. His wife commented one day "What this place needs is a big fire!" They didn't speak for two weeks after that! What causes this compulsive packrat mentality?! Better yet, what cures it? Doris Dear Doris, I am sorry for the delay in answering this letter, I am still recovering from the hula hoop accident I had when I accidentally knocked over my collection of empty log cabin syrup containers. Who would have thought that my 30 year old bottle of Bactine would have gone bad and actually caused an infection. I'm feeling much better now and I don't even need to take any more Sal Hepatica. There is nothing wrong with collecting important and valued artifacts from our past. There are people who appreciate and cherish their old issues of Life Magazine, National Geographic, Atlantic Monthly, Nudist's World....etc. Don't be so critical Doris. Today's junk may turn out to be tomorrow's antique. happy(stillhashislincolnlogs)shrink
Dear Happy, I was just wondering if a person can with obsessive compulsive disorder can also have obsessive compulsive personality disorder? The more information I receive makes me believe I may have OCPD. Is this also hereditary? Thanks ocdnet(withpersonality)angel Dear ocdnetangel, Yes you can suffer from both disorders at the same time however, it is important to understand that they are different. Those who suffers from obsessive compulsive personality disorder (OCPD), are very rigid in their thinking and life style. They may get upset with someone if they are one minute late or go ballistic if they see a spelling error on a letter. They tend to be perfectionists who are overly critical of people. As a result, they may have few friends. On the plus side they can sometimes function very well in environments that call for structure like the military, police departments, bureaucratic organizations, etc. They can incorporate the rituals of organizational cultures and work under someone else's rules as long as they are followed to a tee. Their rituals though are not as irrational as with people suffering from OCD. Anxiety and depression may be present in people with OCPD but not as evident as with people suffering from OCD. People with OCD will have irrational rituals like hand washing, letting the phone ring 3 times before they pick up, not walking on cracks in the street, not eating with other peoples utensils, needing to clean something immediately when it gets dirty, etc. Some people with OCD will believe that their rituals are rational and think they might suffer from OCPD. This is a good discussion between a patient and therapist. There are some heredity factors in OCD and OCPD, however there are also cultural and adaptive factors as well. Lastly ocdnetangel, Everyone has some rituals and they don't necessarily suffer from OCD or OCPD. Both these conditions can limit a person's quality of life. In general, people with OCD live more restricted lives than people with OCPD. I hope this info helps. Perhaps your support group can explore this with you further. happy(hasaritualofpostingontheInterneteveryday)shrink
Dear HappyShrink, I heard that if you take the names Bush, Gore and Nader you can make an anagram that spells "dangerous herb". Do you think this may have something to do with those confused voters down in Florida? My sister lives in Florida and she followed mom's sage advice: Vote early and vote often. Sis is still registered here in the Great Lakes State and dear old mom was tempted to use SisterBlueye's registration to vote a second time, but she didn't think even the most senile League 'O Women poll monitors would have believed that MaBlueye was only 28. Not even if she touched up those grey roots! Sincerely, Judiblueye PS Did you know that Viagra goes for about $25 a pill on the street? With a script it goes for $10. Makes each sexual event a matter for the accountants! I can hear it now: "No, it's not for me, it's for my friend! Can't you get the insurance co. to pay for it? It effects my mental health just hearing him whine about it!!!" Dear Judiblueye Add the letters Buchanan to mix and you get "ah....dangerous urban bench." We'll see how dangerous the courts in West Palm Beach become later this morning. happy(hasa6dayoldheadachfromtheelection)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, When I get upset even if someone dies I laugh and joke around. I don't mean to. It just happens because I am sad. I need help before someone kill's me. Smiley Dear Smiley, There are many people who have difficulty with anger or sadness and instead of showing those feelings outwardly, they laugh instead. I can't explain to you exactly why this occurs in your situation, but usually it involves earlier experiences. Some families did not allow for angry or sad feelings to be expressed. Sometimes it was conveyed to children that crying is "bad" or a sign of weakness. We also learn from our parents and role models and if they had difficulty expressing sadness, we many have trouble expressing it too. This could also be a maturity issue. Children and even teenagers can go from feeling very happy to very sad in moments. When this happens, it can be so overwhelming that the emotions expressed sometimes don't fit the feeling. As they get older, they can control their emotions more easily, however some people may have difficulties with this issue throughout their lives if they suffer from anxiety. Given all these possibilities Smiley, I would suggest you meet with a therapist who can help you to explore your feelings and express them in more appropriate ways. Good luck and tell me how it goes. happy(laughsattheweirdestthingstoo)shrink
Dear Happy, Reverend Al came south last weekend and filled in for the minister of the Baptist Church. Reverend Al is well aware that the men in the Circle K Trailer Park could use a little guidance in the morals department. What with all the massage parlors, taverns, dirty bookstores and various houses of ill repute, there is temptation at every turn. What the Circle K Trailer Park men need, according to Reverend Al, is an organization to help steer them onto a more righteous path. He would very much like to hold a Promise Keepers meeting at the Circle K Trailer Park , yet he realizes that the goals of that organization (namely fidelity, respect for home and family and devotion to God and country) are just a little too lofty for the average Circle K Trailer Park man. Reverend Al is well aware that if he sets the goals too high, the men of the Circle K Trailer Park will be set up to fail and the entire effort will fall miserably on it's face. So, being the ingenious problem-solver that he is, Reverend Al has masterminded a compromise between the goals of the Promise Keepers organization and the capacity for change of the average Circle K Trailer Park man. Reverend Al will call this group, the "Only Occasional Liars Organization." The goals of this organization shall be, intermittent, not perpetual infidelity, acknowledgment of one’s address and admission to the paternity of one’s children (both in and out of the marriage) and a pledge (if only a half-hearted one) to not take the Lord’s name in vain quite so often. Granted, these watered-down objectives will not earn the Circle K Trailer Park men spots in heaven and they will put only a minor dent in the commerce done by the illicit businesses in town, still, all in all, there may be a slight decrease in the illegitimate birth rate and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases in the Circle K Trailer Park . Just remember, Reverend Al, reminds us, that one must crawl before one can run and in the case of the Circle K Trailer Park men, crawling will be enough of a challenge. Edna Dear Edna, I was going to suggest that we get St. Theresa pay a visit down south to help raise the moral values of the women who live at the Circle K Trailer Park but she's very busy right now. Funny how things turn out Edna. I think she's finally ready to take her vows and become a real nun. She did suggest to me that you ladies could limit yourselves to only one wet tee shirt contest a week. That might be also help to decrease the illegitimate birth rate down there. Now if we can just close down "Beer World" and "Titty World." Don't you people in Orlando have enough "Worlds" already? happy(howdoes"ShrinkWorld"sound?)shrink
Hi Happy, I found a OCD support group. We do not meet until the first week of Dec. due to the holiday. Is anger common with OCD. When I get anxious or stressed, I get angry at everyone. It takes so long for me to relax and feel better. Any suggestions? I was also wondering if my obsessions keep me from letting my 8 yr old daughter do certain things? Spending the night at a friends house, going places alone with friends and their parent(s). I am very protective over her, like a very bad mother hen. She doesn't seem to mind most of the time. I try to have her friends over, but this must be planned and I have to prepare myself. Another person in the house, touching things. The boys do not have friends over often, because they do not want to plan, they want it NOW! I can not do it that way. Okay I am going before I start to go on and on and on. Thanks, ocdnet(overprotectivehen)angel Dear ocdnetangel, First let me say how pleased I am that you found a support group. A lot of the questions you are asking me may in fact better be answered by some of the people in your support group. I will continue to answer your questions here as well. Anger is a common response to anxiety. Anger distances people from you and when you are feeling out of control, it enables you to protect yourself. Obviously there is a down side to this and your anger can be misdirected towards people you love and care about. When you find yourself stressed out, you might do better telling people that you are feeling anxious and need some space. This will give them the warning that you need some alone time. As far as being a "bad mother hen," your daughter may become more rebellious as she gets older. Restricting her may work right now but as she gets older and sees other kids having more freedoms than her, she will find ways to assert her independence with or without your permission. The boys seem to already be rebelling a bit. As a rule, boys don't plan very well. Kids in general don't and your expectation may be a bit unrealistic. I know you family is supportive of you now, but unless you can learn to bend a little bit, they may not be that way in the future. That's why the support group is so important. I think that talking to others who are going through a lot of the same things as you are will help you to find ways to bend without breaking. Your family has made a lot of changes to conform to your condition. Perhaps it's time for you to make just a few. Just something to think about before your December support group. happy(findsithardtochangetoo)shrink
Happy, Don't you just hate it when you are walking around somewhere and hear "scrape scrape scrape" because some lazy slob is dragging their feet? Pick those hooves up, you cretin! Doris Dear Doris, Are there any days of the month that you don't suffer from PMS? Some of us drag are feet because we work very hard. And some of us even stay up all night after the elections. happy(stillfeelingsleepdeprived)shrink
Dr. Happyshrink:
Dear Happy, You're not going to believe this. Ok, maybe you will.... Apparently, on my ballot Tuesday night, there was a non-binding referendum question regarding legal medicinal use of marijuana. There were also 9 other ballot questions. I thoughtfully answered the first 9 but NEVER SAW THE POT QUESTION!!! Think about it: out of all the people you know on this earth, is there anyone who would like to vote a big fat 'YES' on that one more than me?? Sigh. Well, as Dr. Hook sang, "I got stoned and I missed it." Oh, by the way, I think there were problems with our ballots. Mine said, "Gush" and "Bore," so I voted for Buchanan. st(higherthanthemoon)theresa
Your ballots were obviously confusing and misleading and if I were you, I would demand a new election. I do want to remind you that medicinal use of marijuana does not mean that you can take it for nearsightedness, indigestion, hangnail, or itchy scalp. By the way, I got a copy of the Florida ballot and it seemed perfectly simple to me. What do you think?
happy(notmovingtocenturyvillage)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I have been dating a girl for almost a year now. Not long after we started dating (1-2 months) she started wetting the bed if she had been drinking. It happened three or four times over the span of about six weeks. She claimed it had never happened before we got together. The frequency of the bed wetting has increased considerably. She now wets the bed almost any time she goes out. Is this a reaction to our relationship? Is this a physical condition? Is there anything I can do? Thanks, She P's Freely Dear She P's Freely, I can not make a diagnosis, but I can give your girlfriend some advice. I suggest go to her primary care physician and have a complete physical exam. The physician may refer her to a urologist for further testing. Before she considers psychological reasons for the bed wetting, all medical possibilities must be exhausted. There is one thing you can do She P's Freely. Maybe you can discourage her from drinking so much....alcohol that is. happy(loveisbetterwhenit'ssober)shrink
Dear Happy, I WARNED THEM HAPPY .. I really did ... I said "FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST (they go for that down here) DO NOT HIRE EDNA AT YOUR ELECTION HEAD QUARTERS." ( I WAS YELLING THEN TOO !! ) Bubba was saying .. "I am gonna vote BUSH because he WANTS US ALL TO HAVE GUNS !!" And Edna on the other hand .. she was saying .. "I am voting for Bush ... HELL .. I would vote for ANYONE who was named after a beer." NOW LOOK ... they are finding her discarded boxes of ballots all over the place. I assumed it was cause she got drunk and lazy and didn't feel like taking them ALL THE WAY BACK to headquarters .. but she said SHE WAS DRUNK ALRIGHT .. but she was just playing Easter Egg hunt with the kids. JeWitch Dear JeWitch, I would have figured that Edna and Bubba has something to do with the election results in Florida. Rumor has it that Earl and your Ex designed the ballots in Palm Beach County. Don't they look like they were designed by someone who had too much to drink? happy(feelsabittipsyfromsleepdeprivation)shrink
Dear HappyShrink, My children will not do any homework unless I stand over them and say things like, "Now do the next one. Pick up the pencil and write. If you don't get this done you won't be able to watch any TV for the rest of the week..." Etc. I have been advised to budget an hour for homework and then, if they aren't done, that's between them and the teachers. The older girl brings home her entire day's work to do at night, because she just sits there during the day. The older girl receives resource room assistance for being EI. The younger girl has been screened a couple of times, but they claim that, because she is doing average work (despite above- average to superior scores on standardized tests) there is nothing they can do as far as special assistance. We tried the franchised tutoring program in the local strip mall, but it was sooo expensive. I know that this is their behavior/ attitude and I should just let them not do the work and accept the consequences, but as a single parent I know that the children's school record is part of what they look at during any custody disputes. I am not having a dispute at the moment, but I don't trust the ex any farther than I can throw him. (How far can YOU throw a 350 lb geek?) So I am between a rock and a hard place. My kids are working my buttons and I am ready to tear my hair out. ARRRGGGHHH!!! Sincerely, I Passed 3rd AND 5th the 1st Time, Damn it! Dear I Passed 3rd AND 5th the 1st Time, Damn it, I like the idea of limiting your time to one hour a night working with them on their homework. More time than that could be considered cruel and unusual punishment for you as well as them. As far as your Ex using the kids' grades as a weapon to gain custody, it is highly unlikely. If you are really worried about it though, I would keep a log of your activities. While you don't want your kids to screw up their future, there is not much you do if they are hell bent on resisting their school work. Being a single parent is very tough and I haven't met a kid yet who was easy to raise. It may not be a consolation, but you have a lot of company. happy(miseryalwayshascompany)shrink
Happy, Damn these high-class, rich, white suburbanites! They all have names like "Muffy", "Cookie", and "Nigel", go golfing on a "casual" day and wear Ralph Lauren Polo sweaters tied around their shoulders! The men have really "important" jobs involving finance and the women drive around in their Mercedes and talk on their cell phones and compare who has smarter, more blond-haired, blue-eyed children! damn my parents for buying a house down the street from a country club! (insert nasal, snooty voice here)"oh DAHLING, you simply MUST come to our THIRD summer house for dinner.... you know, the multi-million dollar one? I have to show you the new china we never use, because OF COURSE i have SO MUCH CHINA! and we can take the new YACHT out for a spin.... you DO have a yacht, dahlng, now don't you?" Doris Dear Doris, It is important to be tolerant of those who are different from us. That's what America is about isn't it? Rich white people are just like me and you way down deep inside.....well...at least they are just like you. happy(neveraccusedofbeingtoorich)shrink happy(hopes
Hi Happy, Hope you had a good weekend. My weekend was okay, did not have a phone line from Thursday eve. until 3pm this afternoon. Something about a split in the line and water. Anyway it is nice to be back on line. I was wondering if you could tell me what secondary depression is? Thanks, ocdnet(gladtobeonline)angel Dear ocdnetangel, Secondary depression is a condition that can persist after the remission of acute psychotic symptoms. Usually, schizophrenics will suffer from secondary depression after their delusions or hallucinations have stopped. This secondary depression can usually be treated successfully with medication. Many individuals who suffer from schizophrenia or schizo-affective disorder take antidepressants as well as anti psychotic medications. Although that is the clinical definition of secondary depression, it has been used to describe depressive symptoms in other mental disorders including, PTSD, anxiety disorders, OCD, phobias, adjustment disorders, etc. All these conditions can precipitate depression and this is "sometimes" referred to as secondary depression. Glad you're back on-line ocdnetangel. Not being on line has caused primary depression for me! happy(mentalillnesscanbeabummer)shrink Dear Happy, I'm in trouble agin. My Earl and JeWitch's ex, Dui, stopped by at the bar on the way home Friday when Dui got paid. Edna and her youngins were there. Edna sidled up to my Earl, and Dui liked what he seen. What happin next was sparks flew with both men. That stinkin' Edna. Well Edna's littlest started screamin' and the bartender, Joey, told her she had to take the brat out o' there. Well Earl an' Dui didn't want ta leave cuzzin they were still thirsty or they'd a taken her up on her offer to have them come to her trailer. Well Earl and Dui had found a couch bed on the side of the road for garbage pickup last week and we had everything all set up for Dui to live real comfortable with us forever. (We didn't have room for Dui and the dogs in the king size and they waz gitten testy.) Now Edna comes back inta the pitcher and messes it all up. What I'm torn up about is should I give my man and father of my baby, Earl, to Edna or should I kick out my financial security Dui, knowin he'll go knockin' on Edna's door? (There is always someone like Edna to take in a good man like that.) Whaddya think? Gind Rinker Dear Gind, Good men are hard to come by. Don't give up either one. Besides, if you throw out Dui, he might try to get back with JeWitch. We wouldn't want that to happen now would we? happy(tryingtomakeOrlandosafefromtrailertrash)shrink
Dearest Happyshrink, Sometimes I talk in my sleep. Sometimes I walk in my sleep. I once walked out of the apartment door and tried to enter the neighbors apartment. When I couldn't get in I sat down and slept in the hall till a family member found me. Good thing I didn't go to the right and test out the door to the outside world as it was an impact door and would have opened easily. So, what does this all mean? Will I one day end up on one of those reality-TV shows after sleep-snuffing one of those assholes who so desperately deserves it? Or am I not likely to do something in my sleep that I would not do when I am awake? (I didn't know I was still sleep talking until I recently acquired a second pair of ears in my room. Apparently, I snore too.) Sincerely, DeepSleeper Dear DeepSleeper, Sleepwalking is an uncommon occurrence and violent behavior during these occurrences are very rare. However, if you have found yourself in dangerous situations as a result of your sleepwalking, I would suggest you speak to your physician and perhaps be evaluated at a sleep clinic. Sleep talking is more common and has less dangers (Unless you hold the combination to a safe or are in the witness protection program). Snoring is harmless for most (except for those who are kept awake to the sound of a buzz saw) but there is a greater incidence of sleep apnea among people who snore. Sleep apnea is a condition where a person will actually stop breathing for a period of time while asleep. If you believe you might suffer from such a condition, I would again urge you to speak to your physician. happy(wakesupfromthesoundofhisownsnoring)shrink
Happyshrink, I am getting tired of stupid people asking the same damn questions over and over again. Why don't they learn? Also people who refuse to learn for themselves. I give them the tools, but they are so used to being spoon fed, they will not use it. That really pisses me off!!! People who don't say please and thank you really chap my ass!!! Annoying bastards really piss me off! Doris Dear Doris, Isn't it ironic that in the "Information Superhighway Age" people have so much trouble listening and remembering. Fast food stores have stopped putting numbers on their cash registers and now have pictures of bacon cheeseburgers and curly fries on the buttons. Books on tape have replaced books on paper and Cable TV has even made it possible to shop without ever having to drop! This society has become so dependent on automation that we have lost the ability to read, write, add, subtract, multiply, divide, walk, think, initiate, innovate and even be polite. So in response to your letter I say, Do you want melted cheese on those curly fries? happy(andmindlessincyberspace)shrink
Dear happy, I am a recovering alcoholic in a 12 step program. I have not gotten high for almost 3 months. I am really determined to stop drinking forever and live a decent and moral life. My problem is that I have relapsed before and my family doesn't believe me when I tell them that I have changed. I have disappointed them in the past and I understand how they feel. When I relapsed in the past though, I never really thought about not drinking forever. It was always to stop so I can get out of trouble and get back on track and then go back to drinking. How can I convince them that this time is different? want to be trusted again Dear want to be trusted again, When those three months turn to 6 months, your family will trust you a bit more. When the 6 months turn to 12 months, their trust will increase even more. As the months turn into years and you live the life you say you are going to, your family's trust will continue to grow. But right now as the program says, "Take one day at a time." Don't take anything for granted. You can still relapse even though you now have the best of intensions. Use the program to get the support you need to stay sober. Good luck and let me know how you are doing. happy(onedayatatime)shrink Dear Happyshrink, Consider This... If you can start the day without caffeine, If you can get going without pep pills, If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches & pains, If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it, If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time, If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when, though no fault of yours, something goes wrong, If you can take criticism and blame without resentment, If you can ignore a friends limited education and never correct him/her, If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend, If you can face the world without lies and deceit, If you can conquer tension without medical help, If you can relax without liquor, If you can sleep without the aid of drugs, If you can honestly say that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion, or politics, Then, my friend, You are ALMOST as good as your dog.. It's all true - God bless dogs. Wind(lovesalldogsandsomepeople)NWillows Dear Wind, Now if we can only teach a few old dogs some new tricks. happy(tryingonafleacollar)shrink
Dear HappyShrink, Is there any way to tell if erectile dysfunction is emotionally caused rather than physically caused? Just wondering. Sincerely, Hoping for a Firm Answer Dear hoping for a Firm Answer, If one is suffering from erectile dysfunction, a complete physical exam is in order. A primary care physician may also recommend a urologist to test and evaluate your condition. Once all medical and physical problems are ruled out, psychological issues can be considered. This is a growing (isn't that ironic) problem and men suffering from erectile dysfunction should get help. There are more treatments out there than ever before. I hope my answer helps you to take a firm action! happy(giveshardanswerstohardquestions)shrink Happyshrink, Have you ever noticed how many men appear to think that they're fucking INVISIBLE while they're waiting in their car for the green light.....and then proceed to dig for nose goblins? I couldn't begin to count how many times I've seen this shit. Do you think that we can't see you because you're in the sanctuary of your penis-rocket? Somebody please help me figure this one out. Doris Dear Doris, Once again thank you for your insightful thoughts and observations. No...we don't think we are invisible. We just don't care. The general feeling is: "It's my nose....It's my booger....I'll pick it when I want and I'll toss it on the passenger seat if I feel like it. Of course, I will understand that if the next time you see me, you choose not to shake my hand or ride in my car. happy(pullmyfinger)shrink
Dearest Happyshrink, My shrink has been over a half-an-hour late for my last 2 sessions. The first time he said he'd been in the Emergency Room with someone 'til 4 AM and then had gone home and overslept (9 AM appt.). The second time he said that some vandals had let air out of one of his tires, as a sort of early Halloween prank. Questions: 1. Do you think he is trying to send me a message that he's tired of working with me? 2. Why doesn't he keep that Aurora in his garage...it cost more than I have down on my house, for-crying-out-loud! With varying degrees of sincerity, Cooling My Heels on the Office Stoop Dear Cooling My Heels on the Office Stoop, There are situations that come up that can make anyone late. I have been late and even had to cancel appointments at the last moment on two occasions. In both cancellation situations, I was having emergency surgery so I don't think that I was avoiding my clients. Your shrink's excuses sound reasonable, but I would still express your feelings to him about his being tired of working with you. It is important you get any feelings like that out in the open as it can affect your candidness and trust in the therapeutic process. As far as the garage deal is concerned, I don't even understand why he would buy an Aurora in the first place. happy(withhis91Camry)shrink
Dear Happy, I had a brainstorm this morning: "The Jehovah's Witness Protection Program" What do you think? Reverend Al Dear Reverend Al, I might consider entering the program if I can be assured of not having to get up at 6am on Sunday mornings to ring doorbells. happy(notaverygoodwitness)shrink
Dear Happy, Hi, hope you had a good Halloween and got lots of candy. Thank you for the website to find a OCD group. I found one in my area, but am unable to attend due to the fact that it is in the evening and I am unable to leave everyone home alone. I have found some wonderful on-line groups. The people are great and very supportive. Anyway, the reason I am writing is because my 15 year old son was just diagnosed with OCD, anxiety, borderline IQ, psychosomatic ailments, poor reality adjustment and other things I can not remember right now. We go get a copy of the evaluation tomorrow. What I am wondering is, I have never noticed any OCD symptoms (except counting) in my son. He acts like he is 7yrs. old, tells us he sees white buffalo (death), sees dead relatives, has a hard time getting along with peers, craves attention constantly, is afraid of the dark. Does this sound like OCD to you or something else. Mine is just so different, and I don't notice things that he is doing to make me believe this. I am just wondering if I would not have told the doctor about my OCD, if it would not have been one of the things my son has. All the rest I believe and see and have seen for some time. Waiting to hear from you, ocdnet(wonderingifsonisocd)angel Dear ocdnetangel, I can not really diagnose your son over the Internet even with the details you have given me. Childhood and adolescent OCD does have different rituals and behaviors than adult OCD. Kids with attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder (adhd) also can display ritualized and obsessive behaviors. They can develop OCD as they get older as well. I suggest you review the evaluation carefully and ask as many questions as you can. Ask about the different treatment options that are being recommended. If you feel uncomfortable with the reasons given for the diagnosis and the treatment alternatives, get a second opinion. Then its up to you and your husband to decide what are the best options for yours son. This is not and easy thing to do ocdnetangel. Please feel free to update on the situation. I will be happy to continue giving advice even if I can't give you a diagnosis. happy(hopesyoursongetsthehelpheneeds)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Trim your damn nose hair. Don't you notice when people stare at that 4 inch crop of weeds sticking out of your nostrils they're disgusted with your appearance? And guys with beards, hey, you can't hide nose hair in your beard, moron. I know, you say "If I start to trim it, I'll ALWAYS have to trim it." Well guess what stupid, you're right. face it and trim your damn nose hair. It's gross! Doris Dear Doris, Thank you for your thoughtful suggestion. I appreciate your candor and sensitivity. As you know, I suffer from male pattern baldness and the long nose hair was a feeble attempt to add to my "doolap." It may just be time to visit Sy Sperling. happy(notjustashrink..I'malsoaclient)shrink
I'm having server problems today so no letters, but here are two Halloween greetings I received from some chat friends. I thought I would "share."
From JeWitch: From Cornfed:
Thank you ladies!! Let's hear it for all you Saints out there!!!
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