Postings from October 1-15, 2000
Dear Happyshrink, My EX husband got out of jail from his MILLIONTH DUI about six months ago and he was released to a half way house. I picked him up from prison and delivered him there because I wanted to BE SURE to get him to sign the divorce papers. OF COURSE .. he tried to make me feel guilty ... something he was VERY GOOD AT. Told me how THIS TIME (unlike ALL the other times that he had been locked up) he REALLY REALLY learned his lesson. "PLEASE GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE." I already had a relationship going with Stevo .. and even though I was feeling sorry for him ... and believe me .. it was REALLY REALLY hard for me to tell him ...NO .. NO MORE CHANCES. I never told him about Stevo though .. none of his business any way. So he is in the half way house and still calling me weekly on the phone for one reason or another .. even though we are divorced .. he wants to be FRIENDS !! (really just working on me for the sympathy thing.) But I don't care... my new life is GREAT !! One time he says to me about how AWFUL the halfway house was, that the place MAKES HIM want to drink. THE FIRST SIGN. He is GOING TO DRINK the first chance he gets I tell myself. (Told him also. I know that sign..... always the fault of SOMEONE or SOMETHING making him want to drink.) So he gets out of the half way house about a month ago and called my son at work. He is trying to reach me because I have some of his things. Wants to get them. I don't return the call .. and he keeps calling my son at his job. My son says "PLEASE CALL HIM and give him his things so he will quit calling me." Next he called my sons house and talked to his wife. To make a long story a WEE BIT SHORTER .. he is calling from some woman's house and I get the phone number off my sons caller ID and have my friend call him and make plans to return his things to him. There was no answer so Mary left her phone number. The woman called Mary back ... and guess what ???? The Ex is STILL DRINKING .. he is STILL A LOSER ... he has told her SO MANY LIES you wouldn't believe it. I mean LIES that are so outrageous that my friend Mary says ... "I think you better talk to "JeWitch." This guy is TROUBLE and you seem like a nice woman." (she has BUCKS and he is already costing her money.) Any way ... Just wanted to give ALL YOU PEOPLE the opportunity to say "I told you so." But I also wanted to pat myself on the back for FINALLY after 12 miserable years ... SEEING THE LIGHT !!! I am SO GLAD I am rid of that man .. I feel sorry for him .. He found a nice woman .. and he is going to BLOW this relationship too .. she is NOT as stupid as I was. Lucky for her. She is taking Mary's advice and telling him to GET LOST !!! (or so she says, but I rather doubt it .. he can be VERY CONVINCING.) JeWitch Dear JeWitch, Thank you for sharing this story. Your Ex is one of many individuals whose illness manages to screw up the lives of all the people he comes in contact with. I hope you are wrong about his new love interest and she does manage to extricate herself from the relationship. But you know what? He'll find someone else. The world is filled with "enablers" of both genders just waiting to rescue someone like your Ex. He will seek them out and ride the wave for as long as it lasts. When it ends, it's the other person's fault. It doesn't matter if it takes 12 years or 6 months. The results are the same. In my early years as a therapist, I worked with someone like your Ex. He was an alcoholic, a womanizer and even had a few battering incidents leading to assault convictions. We tried to focus on "his" problems rather than the problems of everyone else who fed, supported and enabled him. He always loved to talk about "their" problems. In one of my last sessions with him he finally said," OK I'll deal with my problem! You know what my problem is? I give too much of myself to these ungrateful bitches!" He ended up leaving my office after I couldn't stop laughing after 10 minutes. Bad therapist! Bad counter transference! I'm better now. I can keep a straight face. There are some things in the world you can't change and I hope your experience is a lesson to others JeWitch. Let's just hope he ends up back in jail real soon without killing or maiming anyone! happy(JeWitchisdealingwithherownproblemsnow)shrink
Dear Happy, I know I advocated stress, but I think I may be a
bit TOO stressed! Here's
what's been happening. Can
you tell me if you think it's stress? Relatives that have been dead for years come visit
me and suggest that I should get some rest. I can achieve a "Runners High" by
sitting up. I say the same sentence over and over again, not
realizing that I have said it before. The Sun is too loud. Trees begin chasing me. I can see individual air molecules vibrating. I began to explore the possibility of setting up
an I.V. drip solution of espresso. I wonder if brewing is really a
necessary step in the consumption of coffee. I can hear mimes. I believe that if you think hard enough, you can
fly. Things become "Very Clear." I began speaking in a language that only myself
and Channelers can understand. I say the same sentence over and over again, not
realizing that I have said it before. I keep yelling "STOP TOUCHING ME!" even
though I'm the only one in the room. My heart beats in 7/8 time. I can skip without a rope. It appears that people are speaking to me in
binary code. I have great revelations concerning: Life, the
Universe, and Everything else, but can't quite find the words for them
before the white glow disappears, leaving me more confused than
before. I can travel without moving. Antacid tablets have become my sole source of
nutrition. I discovered the aesthetic beauty of office
supplies. I began to talk to myself, then disagreed about
the subject, got into a nasty row over it, lost, and refused to speak
to myself for the rest of the night. Teddy bears began to bully me for milk and
cookies. I have an irresistible urge to bite the noses of
the people I am talking to. Oh, did I mention that I say the same sentence
over and over again, not realizing that I have said it before? Wind(thelintismovingquicklyonthefloors)NWillows Dear Wind, You have been reading my diary again haven't you?
Shame shame on you! You have been reading my diary again haven't you?
Shame shame on you! You have been reading my diary again haven't you?
Shame shame on you! You have been reading my diary again haven't you?
Shame shame on you! happy(waitingforthepulseratetogetbackunder200)shrink
Dear Happy, Dear Edna, Well......IT's ONE FOR THE MONEY TWO FOR THE SHOW THREE TO GET READY THANK GOD IT's TIME TO GO! happy(sodon'tyousteponmybluesuedeshoes)shrink
Hi Happy, Hope you're doing OK. I'm doing pretty good. I attribute most of that due to some things I discussed with my counselor, C~, last week and this week. Last week when I saw C~ we discussed what seemed to precipitate my depressed periods. Well, I really think it is caused by circumstances that gets my adrenaline rushing, and that can be caused by either bad stress or good stress. That leads to lack of sleep, which leads to depression. So the plan was to do things that help me sleep and burn off that adrenaline rush. I've been working out, strenuously, for 45-60 minutes every morning. I've been sleeping well, able to concentrate on work fairly well, and the irritability level is good. When these things go the other way they are major warning signs of depression for me. I've done everything possible to make sure my grandkids are OK, talked to both my son and daughter-in-law, helped them see what they can do to work things out, and tried to stay out of everything else. I also had a really good talk with C~ this week. I've seen her off and on for just over 5 years. We discussed our relationship as counselor/counselee. I've felt uncomfortable about the relationship the last few months because I had misunderstood something she said. It was great to discuss how she saw her role as my counselor, and what I expected to gain from counseling. I really like her, she likes me, and it was a bit sad when she said what I've been thinking, that in another time and place we probably would have been good friends. But, I feel really good that I'm not going to lose a good counselor! Another bit of good news, my son gets to go back home. The social worker (who I called and encouraged son & daughter in law to call) and the family advocacy office (encouraged son & daughter in law to call too) decided it was counterproductive and not in the kids best interest to be deprived of their father. So I am less worried about the babies welfare now. Take care, cnot Dear cnot, Thank you for asking how I am feeling. Things are going better. I think it's a great idea to work on managing your stress levels. This is something that all of us pay too little attention to. It can precipitate, depression, anxiety, sleep problems and physical symptoms. While we can't eliminate stress in our lives and some of us will always have more of it that we want, we can do things like exercise and eat healthy. (Something that's tough for me.) We can also talk to people about our stress, not as a means of solving problems but as a way of unburdening ourselves. The Tuesday night chat group has that as one of it's purposes. Several of us including me shared some of the stress that we were going through. It didn't change the circumstance but it did make me feel better. I'm glad you there cnot. happy(needssupportto)shrink
Dear Happy, My man, Earl, and me ain't had no nooky fer a year. He has been sparkin that lying Edna, friend of that bitch, JeWitch. That tramp tells everybody she ain't laying my man, but she's a lyin. While I was fishing on the Wikiva a month ago, the two of them was in my 55 foot Parkwood, two rows over from Edna's heap, doin' the nasty. I know cuz I found a used safe in the john and Mrs. Boner toll me she saw Edna and Earl sneaken out ten minutes fore I pulled in with my ketch. Well, I got an idea to turkey baster some a that stuff and fix the both a them. Then Earl will hafta marry me and Edna will hafta chase somebody else's man. Well, I been pukin ever mornin fer a week or so. How long should I wait to tell Earl? I is gonna tell him it happened after the Gator game when he passed out drunk. Damn, ain't I a genius? Gind Rinker Dear Gind, You are almost as smart as Edna. That Earl is one luck son of a bitch. happy(oneluckysonofabitch)shrink
Happyshrink, Dear Andie, The whole existential message in the Scooby Doo series is that life is never fair and one always has to contemplate their state of being in a Cosmos that has no rhyme or reason. Scooby always puts up a good front of being happy and light hearted, but if you look past the high jinx, you see a bitter and selfish Scooby that sees the world as cold and nihilistic. Just be thankful Andie that you are too young to remember Howdy Doody! Now that was a depressing show! happy(heykidswhattimeisit?)shrink
Hey Happy, What is Passive Aggressive behavior and how does it manifest itself? Thank you, usl Dear usl, Passive Aggressive behavior can be conscious or unconscious. Angry feelings are expressed through passive actions. Some angry people are either afraid that they will lose control by expressing anger outwardly, or they are so uncomfortable with angry feelings, they repress them from their consciousness but act out in a passive way. Examples of these are: -A secretary angry at his/her boss may call in sick at work or forget to complete an important task. -A spouse angry at his/her mate may be outwardly friendly but withhold sex or intimate affection. -A child angry at his parents will forget to do his/her chores or leave a mess in the kitchen. Almost all of us engage in passive aggressive behavior from time to time. Those of us who are more uncomfortable with anger will engage in it more often. In most cases we will deny that we are doing it when confronted. Blame is then place on the other person for being overly critical or unsympathetic to our needs. If you would like to tell me more about why you asked this question usl, I would be happy to talk more about your situation. Please feel free to write me back. happy(andyouknowitclapyourhands)shrink
Happy, Dear JeWitch, Nothing passive aggressive about you my dear! happy(soscrewoff!!!!)shrink
Hi Happy Thanks for your quick response. I plan to see the doctor this week and a behaviorist next week. One way or another I may get an answer (maybe) Carbohydrate "addiction" may be the cause of my anxiety. I am an alcoholic, sober for around 20 years. Alcoholism is a type of carbohydrate addiction. In surfing the net I confirmed that carbos can be addictive so I'll go back to a carbohydrate free food plan. I did this about 10 years ago with a support group, I was a success for about 10 months and then relapsed. I'll check with the doctor and try to stay on the food plan, can't hurt. Thanks for your help. Jellyerole Dear Jellyrole, Getting on a healthy diet is a good idea. A support group might also help. Not only will it give you a chance to talk about your fears, but it will help you to reinforce good health habits. Good luck and let me know if your ideas work out. happy(andneedssupporttoo)shrink
Happy, Dear JeWitch, You know what they always say, "There's always room for Jello...." except for that lime crap! happy(willjellowrestlewithJeWitchanytimeshewants)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I have a friend who has blackouts. I'd say maybe one a month. I've been with her during three of them. The first two she seemed completely normal but didn't feel well and had an intense headache. Both times I didn't know she was in a blackout and only found out because she told me she didn't remember anything from when we were together. She's not always "normal" during the blackouts though. One time she dyed her hair (She had no previous plans to do it.) One time she went and bought kitty litter she didn't need at 3am. Another time she went to a house she used to live in and slept on their porch. The last time, which just happened when I was with her, she reverted to what appeared to be a really scared little girl who thought someone was going to hurt her, including me. She was completely in an altered state. I'm at a loss of what to do. She isn't dealing with this. Won't tell her family and only gives her friends pieces of information. I do know she's had 5 MRI's and an EKG and supposedly they still don't know what's going on but she hasn't been very forthright so I don't believe everything she says. I'm really scared for her. I feel like I should have called 911 this last time but I knew they would take her to a mental hospital and it would have been incredibly traumatic. I know she's been raped twice and after the last blackout I've started wondering if this is some kind of traumatic stress syndrome. She drinks too much as well, doesn't eat and has horrible headaches all the time as well as pain and numbness in her arms and hands. This last blackout has really scared the piss out of her (and me) and she says she's going to she a psychiatrist next week but I don't trust her. She doesn't really have a regular doctors she goes to and I don't know how much she's told them. What should I do? Could these be psychotic episodes? Should I have called 911? Should I tell her family? CB Dear CB, Your friend is obviously in serious need of both medical as well as psychiatric help. Her blackouts can be due to post traumatic stress, alcoholism, eating disorder or a variety of medical conditions. She may not like it, but I would speak to her family and let them know what you have observed. If her illness is allowed to continue without treatment, she can endanger her life as well as chances for recovery. If you are ever with her and you feel that her behavior poses a danger to herself or others, I would definitely call 911. If they take her to a mental hospital then so be it. At least she will be evaluated and hopefully helped. This is a time when your friendship is really put to the test CB. Do the right thing even if it means that your friend will be mad at you. happy(tryingtodotherightthing)shrink
Dear Happyshrink Dear Bubba, I really do feel your pain. Go to Edna and beg her to take you back. She may notice how much better you smell since you started working. The hog shit does cover up your body odor. Give it a shot. Good luck. happy(holdingmybreathandnoseforBubba)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I'm a very quiet and introverted person. I have trouble going up to people and talking to them unless I know them really well. I always wait for them to come to me. I hate this! I'm always afraid I will say something stupid and they'll think of me as a weird kid. Whenever I'm in a group I just stand there and listen to people talk. I have a good self-esteem in terms of how I look. I could easily make friends if I just tried! But I don't know how to. I'm just so shy. This is really frustrating. my name is D*** and I'm 16, a junior. I'm also into sports and have always been a good athlete. Please help. D*** Dear D*** There are more shy people out there than you think. Even those kids at school that may seem outgoing may feel just as uncomfortable as you but do a better job hiding it. It is very hard to just go up to someone and start a conversation; even for adults. For people to communicate, it is necessary to have a common interest. The best way you can meet people is to participate in activities that you like. You mentioned sports as one activity. You may have other interests as well. Your high school must have some clubs or teams that you should consider joining. This will enable you to meet people in a comfortable and safe way. As far as saying something stupid is concerned, I do that every day. Some people even like the stupid things I say. If you can learn to laugh at yourself, the stupid things you end up saying are perceived as funny and even charming. Those who don't like what you say are probably not worth getting to know anyway. Lastly D***, overcoming shyness takes practice. In the beginning, it may feel very awkward. As time goes on the fears will get smaller. Frankly, they may never go away completely. They haven't for me. I just handle it better now that I'm a happyshrink. Please feel free to write me again and let me know how you are doing. happy(closetshyperson)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Dear Lucy, Next time you are at a sports stadium, rock concert venue, shopping mall or bus terminal and you are standing on line waiting to pee, you might not feel so great about those multiple orgasms! happy(foreplayshmoreplay)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, My soon to be ex moved in with his girlfriend (who he has only been with for a couple of weeks). Although I am more than happy to see him go, I do not feel OK with her spending the night over there yet. She has only had about 3-4 days to process the fact that he has moved. To complicate the situation even more, she has 2 daughters (who she does not have custody of but they live in the same town) and one of the girls sits 2 seats away from my daughter in class. The only time that they have gotten the kids together since they met, the other little girl had jealousy issues my daughter and decided to confront them during class. The question really is coming. When my soon to be ex decided last week to move in with her, he verbally agreed to take things slow asked if he could have visitation at my house for a while, etc. I agreed that he needed to take things slow with her and that when it is his custodial days, I would vacate the house so that he may have uninterrupted visitation. Now, he's refusing to watch her here, and he wants to have her spend the night over there tomorrow (tonight). I feel completely uncomfortable with this. I don't want her spending the night there until our court date. I am starting her in counseling this week. (the school psychologist she had been seeing just transferred) and I want an outside opinion of whether or not she's ready for all of this. I know that I am not completely objective in this situation, but all I want is what is best for her. She has expressed a desire to sleep over there, but I don't know if I should allow it. The whole thing seems so wrong to me and a million scenarios and possible outcomes swim in my brain. To me, he has not known this woman long enough to say whether or not this relationship will have any staying power. Nor have her children even been informed yet, so we have no idea how her daughters will take it. We don't know if the one in my daughter's class will be ready and able to cope with it yet, leaving another potential landmine for my daughter. Or, what if all the kids are fine and my daughter really likes this woman, and in 3 months, the soon to be ex and her decide that it's not working out? Then my daughter will feel she has lost another piece of her stability. I have researched this topic, I have looked at the laws, my lawyer is tired of this case, and I have no idea what to do. I want to make this transition as easy as possible on my daughter, but no matter how hard I try, I can't come up with the right answer. Do you have any words of wisdom for a desperate friend? I sure could use some right now. A Desperate Friend Dear Desperate Friend, No matter how hard you try to make this transition easy, it's never easy. Your daughter is going to experience pain, loss and confusion during this time. That comes with the territory. What also comes with the territory is good parents feeling guilty that they have wrought havoc on the lives of their children. Add to that the fact that you have an irresponsible soon to be ex who puts his own needs ahead of your daughter and it's not hard to understand how you feel. The other reality is that your soon to be ex will probably do more of the same stuff in the future and there is really nothing you can do about controlling his behavior. I agree with you that it is probably too early for your daughter to stay at this woman's home with your soon to be ex, however I am not sure that you can do much about it. I would have to defer to your attorney on the legal aspect of keeping her away until the next court date. If your attorney is not available to you, you might consider seeing someone at family court. I am not sure that it's worth battling over though. I would make sure that it is noted at your next court date that he did this against your suggestion that it is not good for your daughter. Here is another example where his irresponsible behavior will ultimately come back to him when custody and visitation are decided upon. So what can you do? You can let your daughter know that she can always talk to you and that you will be always there for her. You need to do that by staying neutral with regard to her father. You can be a role model in the way you conduct your own life while giving her guidance and support. If she gets that from one parent, she's ahead of many other kids who have two irresponsible parents. Whatever scenario you can think of with regard to your soon to be ex's behaviors, your daughter will find a way to protect herself from inconsistency and disappointment as long as she knows she can count on you. Be the person you need to be Desperate Friend. That's your challenge now. Please keep me up do date. happy(stillworkingonmyselftoo)shrink
Happy, Dear JeWitch, I agree with you completely! So how's that portable DVD player coming along? Wouldn't want you to fall asleep while you are sticking it under your coat so drink all the coffee you want. happy(notdrinkingcoffeeonthedayofatonement)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, When my current bout with depression began a year ago I was having trouble falling asleep and at times would go two or three days without sleep. Once I sought treatment and got some Paxil I was able to go to sleep within a reasonable amount of time and sleep through the night. For the past couple of weeks I have been waking up each morning at 4:30 or 5 AM and I can't get back to sleep. I usually set the alarm for 6:30 AM. This isn't a big difference in duration per night, but doing this nightly has resulted in that glazed, sleep-deprived feeling, and sometimes I have to work hard not to nod off in the middle of the day. Other than dropping into the middle of a Stephen King novel (Insomnia), what is going on? It doesn't seem to matter if I go to sleep at 11:00 PM or at 1:00 AM, the early morning wake up comes at approximately the same time every morning. Sincerely, Judi Dear Judi, Irregular or disturbed sleeping patterns are common to those who have been diagnosed with clinical depression. From time to time, medications must be adjusted to allow for restful, uninterrupted sleep. I would talk to your psychiatrist about this new sleep problem and see what he might suggest. Let me know what he does. I would also like others who have suggestions on how to get a good night's sleep to write me as well. I will post the suggestions here. This may be the most common problem that people write to me about and any good ideas are appreciated. I've already gotten letters that this web site puts people to sleep so nobody has to repeat and old joke. happy(knowshowitfeelstobesleepdeprived)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Dear JeWitch, I would like one of them portable DVD players. happy(kleptomaniaschleptomania)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Anxiety has been pretty much a constant companion for the past 4 or 5 years. The usual symptom is I wake up around three AM with a knot in my stomach. This is a regular and tiring problem that I can't get rid of.The latest treatment is Buspar, which blurs my vision, it helps some during the day but seems to have no effect on the 3:00 am attack.. I'm retired and have a happy family life. The worry is about money. I have enough to pay the bills with some left. I think the worry is unreasonable but can't let go of it. Relaxation tapes are used sporadically and a daily walk with the dogs. I wonder have some problem with insulin or adrenaline, maybe hypoglycemia. Anyway it's a tiring discouraging problem that I wish would leave on the morning train. I enjoy your web site. BC Dear BC, It is probably a good idea to get a complete physical and rule out the possibility of a medical problem causing the anxious symptoms. If there is no medical problem and medications have only had a limited success, you may want to speak with a therapist. The money could be an issue and so could your future. Sometimes fears that cause anxiety are unconscious and a therapist might help to uncover them. It might be worth a try. Please let me know what you think. You can also write me about what other issues may be bothering you. happy(alwayswillingtolisten)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, You know, there is this person called Jewitch, and she loves to write these funny little things on your Happy Shrink web page. She makes me laugh a lot, and I am grateful for her humor. But what some may not know is that sometimes, when I am going through a bad time, I get these really uplifting emails from my little Jewitch friend. Some times what she says isn't funny, but it is usually what I needed to hear at that moment. For all the support, words of wisdom, and wonderful humor, I want to say "Thank You" to my friend Jewitch. Your are amazing, and a blessing whether you know it or not. Sending love to Jewitch and Happy Methos(findingwordsofcomfortandwisdomcomingatjusttherighttime) Dear Methos, I agree that JeWitch is very special for someone who is angry, vengeful, selfish, maniacal and moody. Then again, she does have her bad points. happy(justkidding...don'tkillme)shrink
Happyshrink, Dear Edna, My weakness is a Syrian Hamster named "Chalupa." happy(putdowntheChalupa)shrink
Hi Happy, I'm trying to figure out some triggers for my depression. After several weeks of seeing the counselor on a weekly basis, I bounced back without needing to take an antidepressant. But, it's just been this past week that I've been noticeably improved and today I got hit with a real tough thing to deal with. My daughter-in-law was charged with domestic violence against my son, he has to stay out of the house, and SHE has total responsibility of twin infants and a 14-month old. They've already had to deal with social workers when they just had the one baby because she's not been a capable mother, now she has 3 babies. Anyway, the adrenaline jolt to my system left me physically shaking all afternoon. It seems like the predecessor of all my depressive periods has been something that has me really pumped up for a week or so. Is it logical that the after-affects of this adrenaline surge leaves me so exhausted I end up physically drained and then depressed? If so, how can I stop this? Oh, even though last night I felt great and told my counselor I wouldn't need her again in the near future, I think I'll call her and see if she can help with this. cnot(tiedupinknots) Dear cnot, Nobody can prevent shit from happening in their own lives and even more significantly, in the lives of their loved ones. (Sorry for the profanity, but I couldn't think of a better way of saying it.) When it does, it can put us on an emotional roller coaster. We feel the pain of the people we love as well as feel helpless to make it better. Add to that the dread that the next day may bring even more bad news. It's no wonder you feel physically and emotionally drained. I think speaking to your counselor is the best thing you can do when bad things happen. It won't solve any problems but it will help you to put them in prospective. You have carried a lot of weight on your shoulders over the past 25 years cnot. Perhaps it's time to try and lighten the load. I know it's not easy. Sometimes I wish I could do the same thing myself. Another thing that is helpful is writing letters to happyshrink. It doesn't solve any problems either but here again it lightens the burden a bit. Please keep the emails coming. happy(togetemails)shrink
Happy, Dear Bubba, Is that your final answer? happy(noteasybeingBubba'slifeline)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I think I am bipolar, but I really like the manic side of it. I'm not those irritable and crazy manics. When I'm like that I'm creative and I'm poppin out jokes like popcorn and I feel great. My friends like me more when I'm like that. When I'm not it seems I don't have the energy to tell jokes, but I'm not exactly depressed. I read stuff and they say that the manic side is also dangerous, but laughter is the best medicine right? I'm happiest and feel the best when I'm telling jokes, so should I get treated for the mania? I mean I'm already taking St. John's wort for the depression so that's not a problemo. Can you help me out Mr. happy shrink? GOAB Dear GOAB, From your description of your symptoms, it's impossible to say whether or not you suffer from a bipolar disorder. Individuals who are manic may be more creative, humorous and energetic, but their judgments are also impaired. They may do things like spend too much money, miss important appointments, get into arguments over trivialities and/or engage in dangerous activities. Laughter is the best medicine and it sounds like you need a dose of it when you are depressed. It comes naturally when you are feeling good. My suggestion to you GOAB is to get evaluated by a psychiatrist. If in fact you are bipolar, St. John's wort will not be enough to treat your disorder. Get the help you need GOAB. Let me know what happens. happy(taketwojokesandcallmeinthemorning)shrink
Happy, Dear JeWitch, They probably did. How many guys do you know who are charming? By the way.... who did Sleeping Beauty marry? I wonder if the seven dwarfs and Santa's elves are the same guys. Geeze.... now I'm thinking like you. happy(needsavacation)shrink
Dear Happy, I'm kinda getting discouraged with counseling. It doesn't seem like he gets the full picture. A lot of the session is spent by him telling me how smart I am and that I should trust my judgment at work. It's nice to hear these things but I have trouble believing that he knows what he's talking about. He only hears my side of the story and I don't do a very good job (for some reason, I haven't figured out why yet) at telling him what is bothering me. It's true that I don't trust my judgment. He says that I should, but I think that I have good reason to doubt my judgment. Before in counseling, I thought that my therapist fully understood me and the idea thrilled me (Not his response to the way I was, but the simple fact that he did understand) I guess that means that I had long assumed that it wasn't possible for people to understand my problems (just to grit my teeth and move on). I remember when I was really young (pre-puberty crying for no good reason and asking my mother for help. She would ask me why I was crying and all I could think of to say was "I want to do something but I don't know what to do" she would say that was silly and tell me to go clean my room. It's very important for me to believe that he understands me but I'm not able to describe myself in a way that makes me believe that he does. Does that make sense? what should I do? Heather Dear Heather, You make a lot of sense to me. Even though you have graduated college and have a good job working in your field of interest, there's still a part of you that feels like that little child that doesn't know what to do. Having your therapist tell you how bright you are and how good your judgment is doesn't make you feel that way. It is important that you communicate better with your therapist and let him know how you feel. My suggestion is for you to print out your letter to me and read it to him. I think that your letter will tell him a lot and it can give him the opportunity to understand where you are coming from. Try it Heather and let me know if it helps. happy(sometimesdoesn'tknowwhattodoeither)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Dear Edna, Yes, that's exactly why the alphabet is in that order. Now, if we can just figure out what Twinkle Twinkle Little Star is, we will know the meaning of the Universe! happy(howIwonderwhatyouare)shrink
Methos update: Dear Happy, Sorry I have not gotten back with you sooner, but the last week has really been a nightmare. On Tuesday the 26th, I came home from work at 10pm, went in to tuck Jinn in to bed, and found that she was acting very strange. She could hardly talk, and was in and out of awareness, as if she was drugged. I tried to get her up and she would stumble around, I could hardly understand her if she tried to speak, so I made the decision to take her to the emergency room. On the way she finally admitted that she had taken 5 pills. She didn't know what; just because she was bored. We were at the hospital for many hours while the doctors tried to determine what she had taken and worked on getting her blood pressure up from a dangerously low level. They admitted her into the hospital, and the next day they determined that she had taken muscle relaxers. If we had not taken her to the hospital she could have gone in to a coma, or died. Of course, Jinn is mad at me and says I should just let her do what she wants, if she dies she dies, what's the big deal. I told her I couldn't do that, she told me I was just stupid. At the hospital several psychiatrists talked to her and after their discussion, they decided she needed some help, so we took measures to admit her into a psych hospital for a short time. Again, she blames me for this "stupid" decision, and has told me over and over again that I am the one that is the nut and that I should be in the psych ward not her. She called from this place, Laureate, the same place I had gone, to talk to my husband and ask if he could bring one of her friends to see her. I asked to speak to her, and all she could say to me was how much I had destroyed her life, and how insane I was. At times I want to crawl back into my little corner and hide, but this is a time I must be at my strongest. What she says to me are just words, what are behind them are emotions, I can almost hear her saying "Love me", this is what keeps me strong. There are those big issues that she dances around, by cutting me with what she says. My job, is to send her all the love I can, and be there for her. I must also accept that she must want help, I can't force her to accept it. You can want and desire for them, but they must come into their own. So right now, I am searching inside myself, being quiet, and asking my inner self what it is I can do, and what it is she needs. I think the answers are coming, and I am content in knowing that I am doing everything I can, the rest is up to her. I do not feel guilty, and I do not accept responsibility for the choices she has made. I can smile at that, I have come along way. Love you Happy Methos(takeadeepbreathwithme,everythingwillbeok) Dear Methos, There is no advice that I can give you that you aren't already doing for Jinn as well as yourself. I truly admire your strength and wisdom. It is easy to be strong and wise during the good times. What you are going through now is the real challenge. I can only offer my hopes that Jinn will come around. She is a bright kid and has a lot of good stuff in her. I hope she learns how to use it well. Her mom is learning how to use it. There is hope for Jinn too. happy(loveyoutoo)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I just read the news! Did you see the headlines? "Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery." I can't believe it! Edna Dear Edna, Tell your friend JeWitch that she's not funny! happy(OKsosheisfunny...sosueme!)shrink
Dear Happy, An "optimist" is someone who thinks ALL IS GOOD !! A pessimist LAUGHS at the optimist. I am a pessimist. SO SUE ME !! Like I care. JeWitch Dear JeWitch, Someone probably will sue you......SOON!!!!! Very soon! happy(hello?....isthisJohnnyCochran?)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I'm a 16 y/o Male and I am desperately unhappy as a male. I feel I should have been born as a female. I want to start hormones and stuff before its to late and I develop an Adam's apple and a masculine body. it has already started to come through and I'm afraid I wont make a good woman. I know what I want but I'm desperately nervous about telling my mum and dad I'm in the UK and I really do need some help. I don't feel right. I have had these feelings since I was about 12 and I have cross dressed a few times and when I do I feel so comfortable and safe. I hate being as aggressive and as boisterous as I am and I have to be to try and fit in. I'm so afraid my family and Friends will reject me. I just don't know what to do. Any resources and Help u can give will be greatly appreciated. I used to hide it from my friends through homophobia but i have met transsexual online and they have really helped me out but i still need a lot of help. Any advise or anything would really help. i would rather die than spend the rest of my life lying to my self but I don't want to hurt anyone. Thanks a lot MB Dear MB, Right now, the best thing you can do for yourself is to speak with a counselor or psychotherapist. The purpose is not to talk you out of your sexual preference or identity, but helping you to complete the journey of adolescence. The journey is different for every person. Not all men are boisterous nor do they all have big muscles. We live in a special time MB. There are more options open for individual expression than ever before. What is important in your journey is that you find out who you really are and learn to be happy with that person. If you still feel the need for a sex change operation once you embark on the journey of adulthood, that option is always open to you. Right now, talk to someone who will guide and not lead you. Please feel free to write me again an let me know how things are going. happy(onthenextjourney)shrink
Dear Happy, I heard a report recently that Edna called 911 because she was in a little pickle. When the EMT's arrived, they found her with her hand stuck in the toilet. The reason for his untidy predicament? Her dentures had fallen down the toilet and she went fishing for them, getting her hand lodged. If you think that
is bad, just imagine what people's reactions were when she went out in
public with her newly retrieved falsies. "Damn
Edna, your breath STINKS!"
JeWitch Dear JeWitch, At least you could have suggested to her that she
wash her dentures after she got them out of the bowl. I won't even
think about Bubba's disgusting habit of forgetting to flush after
he...... too late. There goes breakfast. I'm out of here. happy(sicktomystomach)shrink
Dear HappyShrink, I bought this cheap but somewhat distressed house that was neglected, a rental, and the site of (I'm told) some rather vicious domestic abuse over the past ten years. I am a single, full-time-working parent with two kids (who think homework is some sick joke that I thought up just to make their lives miserable). I am replacing, repairing and fixing up as time and money allow, but the old homestead still has a battered look to it (seriously, both doors were kicked in at one point as huge cracks in the frames attested, and there is a mysterious, fist shaped hole in the hallway that was covered up by some really nasty wall paper...). To make this story less tedious, I have retired, lawn obsessed, men living on either side of me. They seem to take offense at how often (or how rarely) I mow, rake, edge. weed-whack, etc. I figure the longer the grass is, the less the crab grass shows. The one on the left resorted to digging a trench along the fence so that the ivy doesn't crawl into his yard, however, the one on the right feels like he should be neighborly and from time to time offers to weed-whack along the mutual fence to "help me with my yard work". I said, "sure" and showed him where a couple of plants were that I had intentionally planted, so that he wouldn't whack them by accident. Sure enough, both the lavender bush and the ailing, but still trying, pumpkin plant were whacked to bits when I got home from work the next day. Question: Should I thank him for trying to help and not let on about my disappointment about my whacked produce? Was it a mistake to try to live in the 'burbs and should I put my distressed house up for sale and look for a nice, ladylike condo somewhere? Should I teach the 10 year old how to run a weed-wacker and put her to work? Is it really necessary to poison the environment with weed killers and fertilizers just to please the geezers next door? And what about these old guys? Isn't all this mowing and raking and whacking just asking for a heart attack or something? If they are whacking in my yard when the big one strikes, am I liable for their medical bills? We like the big yard, but our efforts at lawn maintenance just don't seem to fit the local standard. Mostly Sincerely, It's Not Easy Being Green Dear It's Not Easy Being Green, Living in the 'burbs does have it's demands and expectations. Ironically, the people who lived there before you were probably allowed to let the house and the lawn deteriorate because people were afraid of the violence. Conformity is definitely one of the drawbacks of suburban living. If you want to get along in your neighborhood, you may need to do some things you feel are unnecessary. I would not start a fight with your neighbor for whacking the plants you wanted him to leave alone. Just decline his offer the next time. Maybe you can get your kids to mow the lawn in exchange for cash or privileges. I know it's not easy being green. I had a stomach virus all last week so I know how it feels. On the other hand, life in an apartment building can be an even greater challenge. Take my downstairs neighbor who loves to play gangsta rape with a mega bass system at 11pm. Or the sweet little lady who lives above me and forgets to turn the water off while she's filling the bath tub until it's "trickling" from my ceiling. Of course there are the fighters across the hall who have actually taught me a few profanities I never heard of..... and there's the kids who love to push all the elevator buttons when they get on and off. There's the other kids who use the staircase for their own personal olympics (don't try using the stairs if you are carrying eggs or other fragile items). But as time goes on, you learn to adapt. So take your pick It's Not Easy Being Green. You can be miserable in the city or you can be miserable in the 'burbs. happy(I'vegotaroofovermyhead)shrink
Happy,
Dear JeWitch, Let the kitty go. Or better yet, give her to Mildred. After years of sleeping with Gilbert, she'll finally have something warm and responsive rubbing up against her. happy(purrrrrrr)shrink Back to "Ask Happyshrink" Home Page Back to most current postings
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