Postings from September 16-30, 2000
Methos update: Dear happy, Last night Jinn and I were able to get together and sort of talk about things. She was reluctant at first, but with me, her step dad, and the lady she has been living with, we finally got some things out in the open. As I thought, her main issue is with Cory, the young man that killed himself about two years ago. She still blames herself for not being there, and is allowing that event to destroy her life at this time. I have been searching for possible ways to help her through this, and I have found that state programs, mental institutions, and regular counseling sessions are not the way to go. Instead, I believe a retreat for troubled teens my be the best resolution. After many hours on the computer I ran into a great resource for outreach programs all over the country the web site is http://www.strugglingteens.com/. At this site it lists many programs for parents to send their kids, so that the children can get counseling and learn about themselves. I have sent many emails out to various places, and am waiting to get responses. In my heart I believe this form of help will be the best for her, not only for the past event, but for a new structure and hope for life events in the future. In a way, I wish these programs had been around when I was a kid, most of them return kids back to nature and teaches them about life, family and issues by having them learn how to survive and commune with nature and the others in the group. It sounds exciting. I will keep you informed on how this progresses, and I am hoping that if there are other parents out there that are experiencing problems with their children, maybe the web site I provided can give them some answers. Love to you Happy, I can't tell you how much it means to me to know someone out there is listening. Methos Dear Methos, I am very happy that Jinn was able to talk with you and identify her problem. That's a big step to healing. I checked out the web site you mentioned and it sounds very interesting. Please update me and everyone else on Jinn's progress and how you are coping as well. I know this is a difficult time for you and Jinn but you are doing a great job! happy(seeingastongerpersonalityemerging)shrink
Happy, I'll never forget the day Uncle Ned had that big eight-point buck in his sights. Nobody moved a muscle or made a peep. He squeezed that trigger so gently…and then…BLAM! He blew that stuffed deer right off the lodge wall. Then we all laughed and had a beer. Edna Dear Edna, I'm glad that Uncle Ned is still only killing dead animals. Just be careful not to have too much beer. Do you remember when Bubba got so drunk and fell asleep on the TV console and Uncle Ned who had a few too many himself thought Bubba was a moose? Well, you can't blame Uncle Ned. Bubba usually smells like a wild animal. Good thing Uncle Ned's aim wasn't very good and he only blew off part of Bubba's ear. happy(moreofaloverthanakiller)shrink
Jennifer writes back: Well Happy, After Ý wrote you the energy in my situation started to shift. Ý have found some other ex-pats and Ý am just starting to get to know them. Ý am expanding my circle of friendships. Ý found some resources on culture shock and realized that is what has been plaguing me. Ý start a support group for it next month. Also, Ý truly understand now that some incidents that happened early on were actually sexual assaults. That helped to explain why Ý have been so freaked out. So thank you for helping me. You were so right on time with the dream interpretation and it really helped me to get moving on either adjusting or going the hell home. For now Ý am making a go of it here but Ý'll see how it goes day by day. Ý feel more empowered after your help!!! Jennifer Dear Jennifer, I am glad you are doing something about your situation. The support group sounds like a very good idea. I also love your Ý's. Keep in touch. happy(alsomakingagoofit)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, You'll NOTE that I dropped that Mr. crap. I didn't know you were just PLAIN happyshrink. Boy, do I feel STUPID! I don't know how she managed, but JeWitch really pulled a DOOZIE yesterday. You know, she has all those pets. I was just looking over there at 3:34, as usual, and I saw her trying to actually give her cat a BATH!! Everyone knows you shouldn't do that - I think they have special ducts or something so that when they spit it's just like Wisk. Just rub in a little and the stain and odor are gone. Anyhow, she was dressed in some canvas overalls, a flak jacket, a football helmet with a faceguard and I think she had those chain-mail shark gloves. I thought it was strange when I saw her outside, but then I saw her close her bathroom door and just jump into the tub with all that on! Well sir, that cat was all over her! She held up a bottle shampoo and as the cat came sailing at her from on top of the shower rod (oh, by the way - I coulda told her to get that shower curtain out of the way - wasn't nothing left after the first 10 seconds or so) and she simultaneously squirted it and rubbed it with the other glove. I heard a loud splash! and then the cat popped up out of the tub - JeWitch tried to grab it, but with the soapy fur I guess it was kinda like trying to hold a greased pig or a bar of soap - it just sprang out of her hands over and over and finally flew up into the air before it landed square on the back of the flak jacket. She turned back and forth and got it peeled off after a minute or so and the cat jumped back into the water. I guess that rinsed it off, then it just ran right up the front of her and clung to the football helmet. She stepped out of the tub and patted it a little with a towel until it was affixed to her leg and then just walked out of the bathroom. I saw her cooking dinner a little later - still wearing that cat! She's a strange cookie, that JeWitch. Do I need to call to the Humane Society? You must know her by now. Is she like this all the time? Mildred Thigpen Dear Mildred, I don't think you have to call the humane society on JeWitch. Some cats do get very dirty and require a bath every now and then. I used give my cat a bath all the time. I stopped because I didn't like it when the fur would stick to my tongue. Anyway, it's not animals that JeWitch is mean to. It's PEOPLE! I don't think that the humane society covers that. happy(keepingthehumaneinhumanity)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Is over-reacting to a situation a sign of depression? I find that sometimes I take other peoples word and actions "too hard" or maybe make a bigger deal out of something than there needs to be. When these things happen, I always find myself crying and feeling even more miserable than before. I find criticism where there is none, and think that if something goes wrong, that it's been done to deliberately make me unhappy. Most of the time I am a fairly cheerful and accepting person, and I get over these things pretty quickly, but they still happen. Is this a common thing? Could it just be my "time" of the month? Do I need medication? Get the Tissue....Please Dear Get the Tissue....Please, Over reacting in the manner you described can be a sign of depression, stress, anxiety, repressed anger as well as all or some of the above. I call it the "poor me" syndrome (Not a officially recognized in the DSMIV) and many people suffer from it. Perhaps it's more important to figure out a solution than to create a new diagnosis. If our mind was a stock car, we would be racing around trying to stay on a part of the track called "the groove." Occasionally, the car can "get loose." As a result, we may get too high or too low on the track causing the car to swerve and in extreme cases, "spin out." Good race car drivers will get loose at times but they will be able to make adjustments that will prevent them from spinning out so they can quickly get back in the groove. That's what you need to do when you find yourself over reacting. Detecting that there is a problem is the first and perhaps most important step. If you can realize you are over reacting early on, you can talk yourself out of a "spin out." Perhaps some affirmations like, "I know I feel really bad right now, but it will pass." Or, "I don't have a solution to this problem right this minute, but I will eventually and everything will be ok." Another good one for you might be, "I know I'm feeling attacked, but if I don't get defensive and roll with the punches I will be able to get over it." Obviously these affirmations are easier said and harder to internalize. It may take a while to "get in the groove" but the payoff will be worth it. Ok, so you won't win a Winston Cup race but you will be a whole lot easier to get along with. Let me know if it works Get the Tissue. happy(usestissuesmostlytoblowhisnose)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Ok, we all know that 666 is the number of the Beast, but did you know about these numbers? No one ever talks about them, and yet they exist, just as plain as day! 660 DCLXVI 666.0000 0.666 / 666 (-666) ^ (1/2) 6.66 e3 1010011010 6, uh... what was
that number again? 1-666 00666 666mph $665.95 $769.95 $656.66 Phillips 666 666 F 666k 666 mg 6.66 % $666/hr Lotus 6-6-6 Word 6.66 i66686 666i DSM-666 (revised) 668 333 665.9997856 I know this is information we can all use. Angel Dear Angel, I thought of a few more: #666 The beast's IRC chat room
www.666.com The beast's Website
((((666)))) Have you hugged your beast today? I have a feeling that we may find a few more of these numbers lurking. happy(prefersbeautytothebeast)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I have known my boss for six years. I have worked with her for four years now, and I always thought of her as a friend. Since the past 2 years the job market in my field has gone from an employee's market to an employer's market and the place where I work has acted accordingly: They made salaried employees all hourly, started making us wear uniforms, increased annually the amount of money we have to contribute to our health insurance, cut hours, frozen wages, reduced my department's staff by 60%, etc. In the past, when my boss has been off for one reason or another, I have always been asked to fill in for her administrative duties. I have as much education and 10 more years experience. I have always been told that I have done a good job at this, and some say I've better job than she has. I let it slip last week that I have not been happy at my job, but with the current employment situation I am working very hard at acceptance. This is one of my shrink's favorite words! Well, according to my boss, acceptance is not good enough, in order to do a good job one must love one's job. If I don't love my job, I should find another one. I pointed out that, as a single parent with a mortgage and car payments and college funds to plump up for 8 and 10 years away (or at least cosmetology school or some kind of job training), I don't have that luxury. I have been working very hard at accepting the situation as it is and doing the best job I can and I have not had feedback that my work is inadequate in any way. Today my boss told me that, because I am not happy at my job, she feels that she can no longer trust me with the added responsibilities of filling in for her when she is not in the office, that she will divide the duties up among the other staff and make sure that I am not burdened with any of them, because she can't trust me with them because of my attitude. This is my opportunity to have more time with which to improve my attitude. So, what can I do? I've never been very good at poker, so I don't think I can fake being happy until the job market opens up. I realize now that I should not have thought of her as a friend, and should have kept my feelings to myself. Is it realistic to demand that someone be happy? Is that really in the job description? I do a good job and I help out my co-workers on the computer and work on the "Falls Reduction" committee (picture here a blue-haired lady trying to get out of her wheelchair--an alarm goes off just in the nick of time and three purple (yes, that's the color they picked for the most frequently occuring staff in the building: How's that for an evil sense of humor on somebody's part) clad nursing assistants run down the hall to try to catch Mrs. Whozyergranny before she falls and breaks her other hip). I've even brought in durable medical equipment from my own (expired) relatives for people who couldn't afford to get what they needed and designed and sewed cushions to help position people in their wheelchairs with fabric I've bought myself. I've mopped floors, served meals, slung bedpans (none of which is in the job description, believe me!) even dressed up like Judge Judy or Nurse Ratched and paraded around the wheelchairs on Halloween with all the other idiots. I feel like all my hard work (not to mention costume rentals) means nothing and the only thing that matters is one ill-advised conversation. Any thoughts Happy? I know not even you can be happy all the time, especially at work! Sincerely, (Insert Clever, Topically Relevant Name Here) Dear Ms. Clever, No, I'm not always happy at work, but during those times, I don't share that with my staff. If I do have a negative issue that I need to bring up to my superiors, it's focused on something that I believe I have a chance of changing. I may believe that I am worth twice as much as I am being paid but telling my boss that would be foolish and unrealistic. It would also indicate to my boss that I may not be in the right place or perhaps the right profession. My question to you is, what was your purpose in telling your boss that you were unhappy? What were your expectations about how she would react? Were you looking for some specific changes in your duties? No matter how "friendly" you are with people at work, they are NOT your friends when it comes to accountability. Your boss must consider the company or agency first. It may not seem fair but that's reality Ms. Clever. As far as your poker face is concerned, I'll bet you do it all the time. You work with elderly who I am sure you don't share your negative feelings to. I'll bet you don't share everything with your kids. You are careful not to speak negatively about your Ex in front of them. You make choices all the time on what "truths" to tell people and what truths to keep to yourself. So now you know that you have to do the same thing at work. I also wonder if your resent your boss. You made mention of the fact that you have the same education and even more experience. Could this be a part of what's going on? Just a thought. happy(notalwaysclever)shrink
Dear Happy, This weekend JeWitch and I are having a party at the Circle K Trailer Park .. and we thought it would be fun, after we get ALL TANKED UP, to have some Olympic Games of our own. Here are the events. Wish you were here.
10. The Marge Schott-put 9. Hide the javelin 8. Tackle the Drunk guy 7. Speed blinking 6. Trouser hockey 5. Synchronized shrugging 4. 100-meter dash with a fat guy on your back 3. Female weightlifter mustache tweezing 2. Panty-less pole vault 1. Lookin' terrific Love you, Edna Dear Edna, Aren't those the same events that occur at one of your weddings? happy(goingforthegold)shrink
Dear Happy, What's up with kids? I bought an expensive bottle of face wash, left it in the shower, said "use only this much", SHOWED THE LITTLE ANKLE BITERS HOW MUCH WAS THIS MUCH, and they still managed to use half a bottle in less than a week. So now I'm in a catch 22. I either never hear the end of the sad tale of the blackhead, or I allow my own skin to go to hell because they used all the stuff up. How do kids do things like this? Why do they leave milk in the cabinet with the cereal when they're done? Why, when you say "please take out the trash" do they pick up the one item nearest to the door and assume that's what you meant? Why, when you get something, do they assume it's for them? Or want something because you got something, after all? Please don't get me wrong, because my kids really aren't selfish - actually, by comparison, maybe they are even better than other kids. I guess because I really have nothing to compare them to it just drives me crazy. I'm fairly certain that this is a universal problem among parents (well, except the milk in the cabinet thing - to which I heard "oops! Did I do that?") Is there some sort of remote control or something that I can put into them so that they will stop having MEMORY LAPSES and will be MORE RESPONSIVE, SAY TO THE POINT OF HAVING A PULSE???! I mean, every time I open my mouth to ask something I can see the look on their faces - it says "go ahead and talk all you want, I have just shut off your voice in my head and am impervious to even the slightest suggestion or one little ounce of your never ending lectures, which bore me anyway. So, unless you want to talk about taking me to the mall or something interesting, you're wasting your breath." This is making me feel very OLD! Maybe you have a suggestion - or maybe someone else has a suggestion. My godfather said "just keep putting food in the refrigerator and try to stay out of the path. Whenever something is lost, it's probably in their rooms, but you'll never find it so don't even look. Just go out and buy another one - you'll have a better chance of staying sane." I know that somehow this must be amusing - I just can't see how right at this point. Wind(IwasNEVERlikethisinfactIwasperfect...allthetime...Iswear)NWillows Dear WindNWillows, If you expect kids to live up to your expectations you will always be disappointed. They have their own agenda and it usually doesn't involve putting things back where they got them, being careful or keeping neat and clean. Your job is to remind them over and over and over again. There are a few things you can do with regard to conspicuous consumption. For example, give them a week's supply of face wash and if they use it up in a day, TOO BAD!!! You can do similar things with food too (although I wouldn't make them go without food for a week). They do eventually grow up and like you they will remember only how perfect they were. happy(stillperfectafteralltheseyears)shrink
Happy, I called my mother, Mrs. Hazel Hoppenstetter over in Woodpile, Iowa and told her I was going to marry my NEW boyfriend Earl this Saturday. She asked me was he rich and I said no. She asked me was he good-looking and I said no. She asked me was he smart and I said no. She asked me was he any good in the sack and I said I didn’t know on account that me and him's never done it. I told her me and Earl's been dating since March and I haven’t been with any other man, I been without sex all that time. She asked me then was I sure that I was her daughter, Edna Hoppenstetter of Bithlo, FL. I told her I was pretty sure I was. I told her all about him. I told her that he looks like Elmer Fudd in a cop uniform and that he can’t drink milk because it gives him gas and that his mother was trying to kill me. She said if I was a-getting married for the first time, he didn’t sound like that great of a deal but since I’m on my fourth husband, he sounded like he’d do. My mother herself’s been married nine times. She married an entire baseball team. She started with the pitcher and then worked her way around the bases and into the outfield. She ended with the catcher. I got a half-brother who’s the son of a shortstop and a half-sister who’s the daughter of a left fielder. My dad was either a first basemen or a second baseman. Mother always said, you can be many things in life but unless your a team player, you ain’t shit. Mother can’t come to the wedding on account that that’s her bingo night. She said she hoped I wasn’t too disappointed about that but I should have checked with her first. She said she’d try and make it to my NEXT wedding. Well, that’s all for now, Happy. I’ll see you at the wedding I hope. I can’t wait to see the look on your face when you see me in my wedding dress. Leopard-print spandex was awful damn hard to find but thank God there was still some at Walmart. Edna
Dear Edna, I'm afraid your wedding is on my......er bowling night. That's right I'll be bowling that night....for the championship...yeah that's the ticket. I wouldn't want to let my bowling buddies down. Without me they would never have a chance shoot below par. Good luck with Earl. Send me pictures of the wedding. No need to save me a piece of cake. I'm trying to loss a few around the middle you know. Besides, that okra filling from your last wedding cake didn't exactly sit well in my digestive system. I was heaving from Orlando all the way New York. Actually, it might have been the main course and not dessert. I forget what kind of road kill it was and you really don't have to remind me either. I guess I'm just not used to that down home eatin'. Regards to the kids. happy(checkingouthisnewbowlingmitt)shrink
"as real as I ever was" responds to her "derealization" letter Dear Happyshrink, I can't recall any specific events leading up to the episodes of "derealization" although I do remember that they were always when I was with the entire family and usually they occurred during one of our educational, month long, summer camping trips (one of the "benefits" of having teachers as parents--lots of quality time with the parents during the summer months). The closest thing I've had as an adult was this: once during a job interview that was bombing, for a job I wanted quite badly, as I was sitting there trying to answer the interviewer's questions, her coffee cup appeared to levitate off the table a half an inch or so and wobble from side to side for a few seconds. Not so as the coffee spilled or anything! Just enough to scare the crap out of me and make me feel like I was going nuts! She had just finished telling me that they were looking to hire a new grad with a BS to save money. I had just completed my MS: Three years prior I had interviewed for a similar job at the same place, and at that time they had been looking for someone with a Master's degree. So was that derealization, or a hallucination, or what, and what is the difference? (If this had happened more recently, I would have thought I'd popped into an Ally McBeal episode!) Sincerely, UFJ (Unidentified Flying Java) Dear UFJ, Your adult experience sounds like it might have been a panic attack. While hallucinations are rare during panic attacks, sensory distortions are more common and that might explain what happened. As far as your childhood memories, I wonder if anything unusual happened during one of those summer camping trips? It may be repressed and here again you might want to explore this further in therapy. I will answer many of your other letters. Please be patient. happy(stillnotpissedoff)shrink
Dear happyshrink, I just discovered your site this evening as I searched for web resources. Based on personal and family experience with ADD/ADHD, bipolarity, major depression, mental disorders, and related diseases rooted in brain chemical abnormalities, I've theorized that these (and other)maladies are actually a single disease whose symptoms present themselves in different combinations and level(s) of severity in each patient. I believe, therefore, that treatment for chemical imbalances is addressed by the medical and research communities from the wrong perspective. Are there existing studies -- or studies in progress -- addressing this or similar theories? Where can I get additional information regarding such studies? Thank you, DE Dear DE, There are quite a few sites that have research on them. One all purpose directory for self help as well as research is Psych Central. I have not heard any theory that combines all the disorders you mentioned into on type of chemical imbalance. While I don't necessarily subscribe to your theory, I do understand why it might appear plausible. The explosion of new products in psychopharmacology over the past 10 years has resulted in a lot of experimentation. Many psychiatrists now prescribe a combination of drugs that seem to be more effective when used in combinations. In addition, antidepressants are sometimes used for panic attacks and ADD/ADHD. Mood stabilizers are often prescribed for people who suffer from depression as well. Depakote, a medication originally used for seizure disorders is now one of the more popular drugs for treating bipolar disorder. It might seem as if there are similarities in these disorders given that there are similarities in treatment. This is not an area I have a lot a knowledge in DE, so I would suggest you check out some of the sites listed in Psych Central. Let me know what you find. happy(hopeyoufindwhatyouarelookingfor)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Quick Tip of The Day: Never, ever, under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. Reverend Al Dear Reverend Al, Thanks for the tip. Your advice about not dipping my hand in a bucket of water while I'm sleeping has saved me a lot of money on laundry bills. This should help even more. happy(stilltooyoungtobeindiapers)shrink
Dear Happyshrink- Hello , my name is Alexandra, and I am from North Carolina. I am a senior in high school, and will graduate in May. My school requires I complete something know as " Senior Exit Essay Project".....which consists of a topic of choice ( 6-8 page paper) , a product and presentation. I decided that my topic was going to be " Laughter as the best Medicine", mainly for children seeing it has help me get through the death of my father last year. There is a local hospital that isn't decorated or really "alive" , and I was thinking it would be perfect for me to be creative and do something for those children (comedic act or movies...etc. etc..) I was hoping that you could help me with some information , advice, or even the use of you as a primary source. I would be greatly appreciated if you would respond with any information to help me get started. thank you alex Dear alex, I don't have any studies or research to give you, but I can say from twenty years of experience in the Mental Health Profession, laughter and humor are important parts of the healing process. The ability to laugh, particularly at oneself helps us to put our successes and failures in proper prospective. Your idea of putting on a show for children in a hospital is a great idea. As kids, laughter comes more natural to us. We can laugh at just about anything when we are children, including silly names, bodily noises, naughty words (not the real dirty ones), squirting flowers, etc... etc. When we grow up, we are sometimes led astray and believe that life is serious business. Well.... it is some of the time, but without laughter, what's the point? We need laughter most when it's hardest to laugh. That usually occurs when we are either ill, or grieving. In both cases, laughter is what can help us to realize that we can still enjoy life and overcome adversity. I hope this is helpful. I am sure there are sites on the web that may have some clinical research, but that's not what this site is about. The goal here is to give thoughtful and sometimes humorous advice. Good luck with your project Alex. Let me know how it turns out. happy(sittingonhiswhoopiecushion)shrink
Methos updates us: Dear Happyshrink, The situation with Jinn continues. However, Sunday night she dropped by the house after my husband and I had gone to bed, so she could read me a letter she had written and a poem. So I sat down and let her read, of course in this letter and poem she sliced and diced me every which way she could. You know the stuff, how I don't love her, that I am insane, that I don't just let her run and do what ever she wants, blah blah. As I listened to her, I didn't let the words get to me, I was so proud of her for having the strength to write something like this and present it to me. She at least could write out her feelings and feel safe enough to let me know, I thought that was really cool. After she was done, I told her what a good job I thought she had done, and I gave her a big hug. I also told her sometimes people just need to go out and find themselves and that it was ok. She almost cried, but she fought very hard to keep the tears back. When she left again, I felt good about our visit, I don't know if she did, but I had a since that she was reaching out to me. I love her very much, whether she believes it or not. Methos(proudofJinnnomatterwheresheis) Dear Methos, You have been able to accomplish something that few parents ever really do. You put your daughter's needs ahead of your own. I know it must have hurt to hear her say negative things about you. Rather than become defensive or dismiss Jinn's feelings, you accepted them and acknowledged her courage. I don't know how things will work out, but I think that you are doing great under the circumstances. One day Jinn will appreciate your sacrifice. I hope it's soon. happy(huggingmethosforherstrengthandcourage)shrink
Dear Happy, I’ve just about had enough of that cheating, lying, rotten, no-good, worthless, unfaithful, shiftless, lousy, thieving, low-down, scheming, drunken, lazy, shameless, scumbag, skirt-chasing boyfriend of mine. I am so pissed at him, I’m at a loss for words! You ain’t never going to guess what he done now! Well, just when I think I’ve herd it all, now he pulls a new humdinger: Bubba went and had him an affair with the wife of the cable man, the cable man found out about it and now our cable has been disconnected--permanently! I mean, my God--what was he thinking?!! You know, he has really done it this time. If I can’t even get cable out of this relationship, then what the hell have I got? I’ll tell you what-- A SHITTY RELATIONSHIP WITH ONLY FOUR CHANNELS, THAT’S WHAT !! AND THAT JUST DON’T CUT IT, HAPPY ... NOT BY A LONGSHOT. Edna Dear Edna, I am sure you will figure out a way to make it up to the cable guy.....just as you made it up to the discount beer guy, the plumber, the truant officer, the DSS worker, the bill collector and the guy from the humane society, the manager of Walmart, the Sheriff, the deputy Sheriff and the 50 guys who claimed to be part of the Sheriff's posse. Knowing you, I wouldn't be surprised if you don't end up with the 150 channel package and free pay-per-view. happy(watchingWrestlemaniaatEdna's)shrink
Hi, I am new to this site. I am going to see a counselor tomorrow, I have been having problems at home. Someone mentioned to my mom that they think I may be manic depressive. I do not understand what this is. I have had hallucinations and trouble concentrating in school, I tell lies and exaggerate things to get attention. I have had these problems for many years, I am 15 now. everything came to a blowup this week. I told some lies at school and they called cps on my parents, but I was just saying stuff. I have had trouble in the five schools I have been to. what do you think, should I go to counseling and do you think I have a problem like my mom does? jesy(confused and saying my prayers) Dear jesy, I do think you have some problems. Manic-depression is a psychiatric condition who's symptoms include mood swings from very happy and hyperactive to very sad and depressed. There are varying degrees of severity to this condition. Only a psychiatrist who has had an opportunity to meet with you can diagnose your condition. I would not pay too much heed to what someone may have told your mother unless that person is a mental health professional. I am not in a position to diagnose your condition but seeing a counselor is a good start to getting the help you need. I would hope that the counselor you see recommends that you be tested for a variety of things including learning disabilities and psychiatric conditions. People who tell lies to get attention usually don't feel very good about themselves jesy. I would guess that this is true of you. What is important for you, is to be as open and honest as you can be to the counselor. The more you are willing to reach out for help, the more help you will receive. I know it's scary and confusing jesy. A lot of kids like you shut down in counseling and don't really say much. I would urge you to avoid this. You have your whole life ahead of you and getting the help you need now will enable you to be happy in the future. Please feel free to write me again. Good luck and let me know how the session went. happy(andsayingaprayerforjesy)shrink
Jennifer responds to my dream interpretation: Dear Happyshrink, Due you experience anxiety on a regular basis? I am experiencing anxiety on a daily basis. I wake up every morning with a nervous stomach and I am jumpy as can be. The other theme is that of powerlessness and frustration. You would like to change the way things are but when you try, you are just laughed at and ridiculed. If you try to exercise power, you could get into trouble and some of your acquaintances stop you. You feel violated and powerless to receive justice. Perhaps again it is a function of being in a country whose justice system is corrupt and unjust. Well the men don't think much of the women here and I am often mistaken for a prostitute due to my blonde hair and blue eyes. I feel violated on a daily basis. I wish I could treat them like I treat creepy men in America but don't have all the words I need in Turkish to do that. Plus I don't think it would be as effective... You return to your employer. Perhaps it symbolizes your spouse or the company that sent you to Turkey in the first place (I don't know if you are there because of your own career or that of your spouse). You feel guilty that you are letting him/them down. This creates more frustration because in order to be a "good trooper" you have to be able to hide your feelings and "behave yourself." Let me know if this makes any sense to you Jennifer. I am here on my own accord. But I am not so happy here and think about leaving a lot. But this is also the time in my life to travel so I keep feeling like I have to buck up for myself and do what I said I was going to do! And there really isn't much for me to go back to in the USA. Thanks Happy, you gave me the listening ear (listening modem?) that I needed. Jennifer Dear Jennifer, There may not be much to come back to in the USA, but I do think you need to figure out what you really want, where you want it and how to get it. It doesn't sound like Turkey has been the place to find what you want. I don't know if the USA is either. Just something to think about. Good luck and let me know how you are doing. happy(everybody'sgottabesomeplace)shrink
Dear Happy, Tonight Bubba's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast, but all we had in the icebox, was hamburger. I thawed it out, put it in the oven and set the controls for roast. Must be something wrong with the oven, because it still came out hamburger. Edna Dear Edna, I don't know if Bubba's folks would no the difference. Compared to the road kill they usually dine on, that hamburger must taste like filet mignon. happy(settinghisovenforfiletmignon)shrink
To whomever this may concern: I worked in the same job for 10 long miserable years. in those 10 years, I sustained numerous injuries. Finally, I was fired because I could no longer do the strenuous lifting and heaving, so I was fired. I now have this in the capable hands of a lawyer. The big problem now is I have turned mean, hateful, untrusting, and in general a total mess. Is there someway to turn one's life back around after a traumatic event like this? Or, do you continue on and feel all the negative emotions that I feel and accept it is normal? Thanks, Pat Dear Pat, You are correct to identify your experience as traumatic. Not only has it caused physical pain but the emotional toll sounds even worse. In time some of the emotional wounds may heal by themselves, but just as you have an capable lawyer, I would urge you too seek the help of a capable therapist. Having an outlet to talk about your experience is important. In time the treatment will focus on moving away from the anger and looking to the future. Psychotherapy can help this process and I strongly suggest you consider it. You don't have to spend the rest of your life feeling like a victim or being bitter. Get the help you need now so you can feel good about yourself and the world again. Let me know what happens Pat. happy(agoodlifeisaterriblethingtowaste)shrink
OK Happy, Why are there so many books about positive thinking and counselors do behavioral therapy to deal with anxiety and depression? It doesn't work! I know all the things to do to fight it, but still the depression and anxiety creeps back. It takes on a persona of it's own, it plays hide and seek, poking it's head up saying 'Here I am, I'm coming to get you'. I do all the things I've learned and still it gets closer and closer, finally overpowering me. I struggle, but the more I struggle the more energy I lose, and finally I can't fight it any more. Yes, I am seeing my therapist this week. Yes, I will probably see the MD and get back on drugs. Depression really sucks - cnot. Dear Cnot, Yes depression really sucks, especially if it's cause is chemical and not situational (although, that's not a party either). Positive thinking does work some of the time but not all of the time. The important thing here is that you are doing what you have to do to overcome this current episode. It may be overpowering you right now, but I know that it will not defeat you. You have defeated it time and time again. You will defeat this time too. Please don't hesitate to write me if you need to. happy(bettingoncnottocomeinfirst)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. Reverend Al Dear Reverend Al, Come to think of it, that's what a lot of the former winners did. You are on the right track. I do think your bumper sticker "Guns don't kill poeple; I do!" might influence the judges in a negative way. You got my vote though. happy(so....whowereyouthinkingofkilling?)shrink
Dear "happyshrink" and/or "st.theresa", I would appreciate if you could get back to me regarding the following question: During 1998-1999 I experienced successive depression episodes that were due to external reasons. Since last February my life has changed quite a lot, for the better. It is quite often that I feel extremely peaceful, calm and happy. What worries me during this period is that sometimes I find myself to feel fear. I noticed that this "fear feeling" shows up unexpectedly, and in particular when I feel really good about something: e.g. if my work has gone well, or if my daughter and I have fun. Am I afraid that I could experience again these depressive feelings and aftereffects? Is it guilt for something? Is it common for people who experienced depression episodes to "feel afraid" in this way? Thanking you in advance, V Dear V, After having gone through a difficult time in your life, it is not unusual to experience anxiety even when things are going well. It is only a short time that your life has become stable again and you feel good about your circumstances. As time goes by, your anxiety should diminish. Right now I would keep a log as to the frequency of these episodes. If the frequency is reduced over the next few months, I would not worry about it. If your anxiety continues, you may need to seek help again. It wouldn't hurt to talk to someone about it now though. It may speed up the process of reducing your symptoms. PS: St. Theresa was busy having an anxiety attack so I had to answer this question by myself. Actually though, her advice is right on in the "Tawk Amongst Yourselves" boards and I am sure she will be glad to put her 2cents (or more) in if you post something there. happy(notasanxiousabuotSt.TheresaasIusedtobe)shrink
Dear Happy, Do you know what Edna said when she woke up under a cow? "What are you guys still doing here?" JeWitch Dear JeWitch, That was "udderly" horrible! Shame on you. happy(MOOOOOOOO)shrink
With methos' permission: Dear happyshrink, You know, I should know better than to tell anyone that I am doing good, because it seems as soon as I open my big fat mouth something comes along to make me feel not so good. Let me set the scene: It's a full moon, Wednesday, September 13. I come home from work at 10pm to my daughter packed and ready to leave home. Not to her dads, no, that would make since, no instead she wants to move in with some other kids that are older and have an apartment. Why?, well she skipped school that day and we found out, sat out behind a building slept and popped pills, oh and there is an all weekend party she wants to go to and she knows she will be grounded. So, by all means, let's just leave home and do what ever the hell we want to do. My options, well let's see, i could stand in front of the door and tell her she can't go, so she'll just say she's going to school the next day and leave any way. I could become violent, oops no, DHS will take me away and she will leave anyway. Or I could take the house key away and tell her that I hope life is what she thinks it is. Tough love you know, so that's what I did. Probably the wrong choice, given my track record. So I get a call from school today telling me that she has been talking about her exciting my home and living in an apartment, of course the apartment is not in the school district so she can't go to school, and also that they will contact DHS. I had already called our lovely system here in Oklahoma, and found out that my options are pretty limited, and oh yes, they are concerned about the child, and that we will probably have to go to counseling with people who are not on our insurance, and there could be court fees. In other words, we are concerned for a fee. Basically parents have no rights, and children have all the rights, but parents are responsible. Got to love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So I am sitting here thinking, what the fuck do I do now. I swing in and out of being depressed, not depressed, angry, hurt, calm, unfeeling. I have worked so hard, is this the great lesson i am suppose to learn? Wouldn't it be nice if just once the lesson could be written down in plain English so that all the crap didn't have to take place before we understood what it was, is that so hard? She refuses counseling, she refuses anything but her own way. OK, she' sixteen, I understand kids do that at this age. but I have no clue as to what to do from here. I worry that at any moment someone will knock on my door and take me away, tell me she's dead, or tell me she's committed some crime I am responsible for. Geez Happy, what's a girl to do? I am struggling with my alternatives, and only one sounds safe. I don't want to go there, but I feel like a trapped animal. Loving you as always Methos Dear Methos, I know that the situation with your daughter is a tough one. Even I got overwhelmed by it. But your feelings and response is not abnormal or unusual. You feel all the things you should. Angry, hurt, confused and frustrated. The good news is that all those feelings exist in ONE personality! Your daughter is going through a difficult time right now and so are you. I know you are a good mom, and will deal with it as best you can. There is now right or wrong answer here. The answer lies with your daughter anyway. happy(talkingtooneperson)shrink Methos writes next: Thanks so much for your support Happy, the days ahead are going to be interesting. The good thing is that the book that I am reading seems to address allot of the issues that are happening as they come up. That's pretty cool. I intend to try very hard to tackle these issues with the most positive outlook I can, and to try learn what I am suppose to from them. In the past I would have allowed something like this to drag me into a depression, and I would have beat myself to death with guilt. Not this time. I will allow Jennifer to be responsible for her actions, and not assume them for her. This is a very overwhelming time for every one concerned, but we will all grow from it in what ever way we need to. Love to you Methos(onemindandpersonalitydecidingtobestrongandnothide) Dear Methos, It is often through adversity that our opportunities for change occur. During this adversity, you are changing for the better. You are integrating all your feelings and taking control of them. Sometimes our situations are out of control, but we can still be in control of our actions. Keep up the good work. happy(thatgoodthingscomeoutofadversity)shrink
Dear happyshrink, I decided to go to the doctors because I have been feeling like shit. They did a bunch of blood tests ... my thyroid was off a bit but that isn't unusual ... they are always adjusting my meds .. any way .. I have been tired, and run down ... etc etc .. she says .. SOUNDS LIKE DEPRESSION .. I said .. shit, if I am depressed .. and I don't think I am ... it is because I don't feel good. She give me these sample of something called Celexa and says give it a try. I love popping pills .. so I did ... make me feel like I am going to VOMIT all day long .. SWELL .. now I am tired .. run down ... with MORNING SICKNESS all day. Not to mention my frigging hand in a cast.Can I be depressed and NOT know it ?? What the hell do I have to be depressed about .. great house, kid, boyfriend, daughter in law ... baby on the way .. WHAT COULD BE BETTER ?? JeWitch Dear JeWitch, The external things are good, but perhaps the depression is from some internal feelings. With all you have been through, it is not unusual to feel like something is missing inside. I don't know if Celexa or any other anti-depressant given to you by your Physician is the answer. It is a common symptom to experience nausea when first taking a psycho-active drug like Celexa. I know you aren't big on psychotherapy, but if there is something inside that is making you feel tired and listless, that's what can uncover it. Did you know that another symptom of depression is anger? Just a thought. I won't say anymore. happy(hopesWitchietriessomethingnew)shrink
Dear Happy, You know what I think? I think we have more than enough youth! How about a fountain of "Smart?" Wind(I'mgettingtoooldforthis)NWillows Dear Wind, T'is a pity that smart is wasted on the intelligent. happy(OKsoI'mnotGeorgeBernardShaw)shrink
Hello Happy Shrink My problem is an almost irrational fear of one of my kids getting a gastro bug. I don't understand why this gets me so anxious, it just does, I don't cope at all. If they get a cold or something, I am ok, a tummy upset and I am a mess. Please help.. Thanks Rob Dear Rob, With the limited information, I can only ask you a few questions. Did you, a member of your family or a close friend ever suffer from a gastro-intestinal problem? Did something bad happen in your childhood during the time you might have had an upset stomach? How did your parents deal with your having one? The memories of such events could also be repressed and not easily remembered. Ask you parents or siblings if they remember anything that you might not remember. If this is the case. You might want to talk to a psychotherapist about it. Very often our fears come from our past and sometimes the only way to overcome them is to go back and face it; not literally but in therapy. Please write me again and answer the above questions. happy(needshelpinordertohelp)shrink
Dear Mr. Happyshrink, I ran across your site while surfing just the other day. I really enjoy reading the questions that are sent and reading your responses. I like the "tawk amongst yourselves." I am like Cindy, I also have OCD and do not believe in medication. I would really be interested in chatting with Cindy if this was at all possible, feel free to put my email at the end of my letter and maybe she will email me. She sounds just like me, I love talking to people like me. It helps so much. (anyone else feel free to also email) My Question for you is, "Do you think that my husband could be one of my obsessions?" I do not seem to mind anything he does really, he is the only one I feel that understands and tries to be loving and supportive. I have known about my OCD for 16 years, and go to therapy regularly, which is very helpful. We have been together so long, he has either learned to how to live and deal with my disorder or I just don't notice the things he does that would cause me stress. Thank you for having this great site. Will be checking for your reply, ocdnetangel@hotmail.com Dear ocdnetangel, I think your husband is your support system and your anchor. That isn't an obsession. I am glad you are in treatment and as long as you feel good about yourself, I would say you are coping well with your condition. Thank you for your kind words. I posted your email so that others who have your condition can write to you directly. happy(everyoneneedsasupportsystem)shrink
Dear Hap, What happens if you get scared half to death twice? Reverend Al (Same question ask by Windnwillows) Dear Reverend Al and WindNwillows, You need to see two therapists and pay them twice as much. happy(doublinghisfee)shrink
Dear Happy- First of all, let me say I am so grateful to have found your site. I am craving English Language therapy and can't find any here. I am an American living in Istanbul and had a significant feeling dream just before I found your site. I was walking up a small street in Istanbul and a bus came very close to me. It wasn't too close but I acted as if it was dangerous by throwing my arms up in the air. The bus driver immediately gets out and offers to go to the police with me to straighten this out. All the police do is make fun of me and the driver actually carries me around so others can make fun of me as well. I realize the driver was so eager to go to the police because he knew this is what would happen. So now I take the driver, who is a different person now, and pick him up and threaten to throw him into the water at several different spots along the pier. I never actually throw him in because a bunch of acquaintances who are younger than me stop me from doing it. I now feel as if I have been raped and return to my employer's house (my actual former employer) and it turns out I'm two days late for work. I now feel really guilty because I made a big deal about nothing with the bus and that started the whole thing. What does it all mean Happy? Jennifer Dear Jennifer, There are two themes that I see in your dream. One is of vulnerability. Perhaps it's the feeling of being a stranger in a strange land. Things may happen to you that are out of your control. Due you experience anxiety on a regular basis? The other them is that of powerlessness and frustration. You would like to change the way things are but when you try, you are just laughed at and ridiculed. If you try to exercise power, you could get into trouble and some of your acquaintances stop you. You feel violated and powerless to receive justice. Perhaps again it is a function of being in a country whose justice system is corrupt and unjust. You return to your employer. Perhaps it symbolizes your spouse or the company that sent you to Turkey in the first place (I don't know if you are there because of your own career or that of your spouse). You feel guilty that you are letting him/them down. This creates more frustration because in order to be a "good trooper" you have to be able to hide your feelings and "behave yourself." Let me know if this makes any sense to you Jennifer. happy(sometimesastrangerontheInternet)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, A 30 pound lima bean fell on my car. I HATE LAGOONS !! Edna Dear Edna, If you hate LAGOONS, then a MITSU-BITCHY is the car for you!! happy(nomoneydownorpaymentstill2001)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Me again. Hope you aren't sick of these letters. I have a question. When I was a kid I used to have these episodes where I would suddenly forget who I was. I would be looking directly at members of my family and be thinking, "Who are these people? Who am I? Where am I?...etc." After a short time the feeling would start to fade and my identity and that of my family members would seep back in to my head. Dr. Peabody says that these were examples of "derealization". What does this mean? Does this mean that I was psychotic as a kid or something like that? I have not had an episode like this in a long time, but the memory is a scary one. Sincerely, As Real as I Ever Was, I Think PS Actually I feel a little unreal every time I go to Group Therapy on #Askhappyshrink, but I think that is a different kind of unreal... Dear As Real as I Ever Was, Derealization is a feeling of estrangement or detachment from one's environment.
It is similar to another symptom know as depersonalization where feelings of unreality or strangeness concerning either the happy(notsickofyourquestions)shrink
Cindy responds to happyshrink again: Dear Happy, Thank you for all of your advice, it has really been helpful. I have talked with my husband and he feels like I do not need to go to one on one counseling. He said as long as I am not hurting anyone then he thinks things are good. I do go to support groups which seem to be helpful in the stress area. It is always helpful to speak to others that feel the same as you do. It is funny you would mention the dentist! I have a terrible time going, even to get my teeth cleaned. It is a good thing I have never had a cavity (knock on wood), and I have very good teeth. I suffer through any toothache. Which to this day has only been my wisdom teeth coming in. Unfortunately I have not got to go to support group in a few months. Having the kids out of school is always a more trying time. I will start back next week. Like I had mentioned before I was on medication, which it did help with the daily headaches I was having, but not with how I felt and did things. Now, I do not have the daily headaches, but get a headache if things get to be to much that day. I am checking into counseling, but can not promise anything. I do not want to go on meds. My husbands and my relationship is at the best it has ever been. It is only that way because of communication. If we do not talk then things get tense. But have been good for quite sometime now. Thank you for your advise, I will write again someday. Cindy Dear Cindy, Thank you for your letters. They may be helpful for others who read this web page and have a similar situation to you. I am glad you are going to return to your support group and looking into counseling. Medication is not always recommended for people with OCD and your feelings about it would also be considered when developing a treatment plan. The fact that you have a supportive and loving family is a big plus! I wish you all the best for you your husband and your children. Please feel free to write me again about this or any other situation. happy(andmorehopefulnow)shrink
Dear Happy, I saw an ad for Viagra in a magazine. In the rare event a man sustains an erection for four or more hours, it says, seek medical attention immediately. My obvious question is, what woman, in her right mind, would let a man go ANYWHERE if he was ready to go for THAT LONG!? love, st(over30butstilllearning)theresa Dear St. Theresa, Too much of a good thing can make you very very very sore. Some women also like their men to have brains as well as a boner. happy(brainsaswellasa......)shrink
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