Postings from July 1-15, 2000
Date: July 15, 2000
Dear Happyshrink, My daughter has had 4 plastic surgeries in the past 3 years. This included a "tummy tuck, 2 face lifts, and breast augmentation. She is in her late forties and is very self conscious about the way she looks. Both her husband and I have tried talking her out of these procedures but she seems to have some kind of "addiction." In her youth, she was addicted to drugs and alcohol for a time and continues to go to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Could this be just another addiction she has substituted for drugs and alcohol? She is also on antidepressant medication that she receives from her doctor. Don't know what to do Dear Don't know what to do, All you can do is suggest that she seek professional help. Very often, substance abuse will mask depression. It sounds to me like your daughter may suffer from a depressive disorder and her issues around her appearance stem from that. If you and her husband raise these concerns together, it may have a greater impact. Ultimately, she needs to see this behavior as a problem and until she does and reaches out for help, there may me more surgeries in the future. Good luck and let me know what happens. happy(keepthatknifeawayfrommeDr.Kevorkian)shrink
Dear Happy, The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. Sincerely, Just Another Above-average Driver Dear Just Another Above-average Driver, Just try to stay below 75 mph. happy(thestatepoliceareoutthere)shrink
Date: July 14, 2000
Dear Happyshrink, Whenever I get mad I throw things. Yesterday I accidentally hit my dog on the head with a small plastic container. I have also damaged most of my walls at least once and broken several windows. I didn't hurt my dog, but I felt really bad about what I did. I think I might need help, but I just don't want to go to therapy. Is there anything else I can do? Larry P. Dear Larry P, Everyone gets angry but most people do not destroy property or hurt people (or pets) as a result. There are several things that may be at the root of your problem. You may have some early abuse or trauma issues that need to be explored. You may have some serious inner conflicts based on your life today that triggers out of control behavior. You didn't mention substance abuse as an issue but that can also precipitate aggressive behavior in some people. I know seeing a therapist may not be what you want to do, but I would start there. The therapist may recommend a number of treatment modalities and the two of you can decide what's best for you. It might be a group on anger management, it might include a further psychiatric evaluation and it may also involve psychotherapy. Violent behavior doesn't usually go away by itself. It can also get worse. You have been lucky so far to have avoided harming anyone. If your violence spills over to hurting people, you could end up in jail and then the treatment will be court mandated. Take the first step yourself Larry. Get the help you need now, and avoid the regrets later. happy(violenceisnotjustashame;it'sacrime)shrink
Hi Happy, I just found out today that crushed cockroaches can be applied to a stinging wound to help relieve the pain. I think I would have to be committed if anyone ever put a crushed cockroach on me. I also can't seem to drive the image out of my mind. Yuck. Wind(feelingweakrightnow)NWillows Dear Wind, Witch hazel, Noxema, Bactine, or just about any ointment are just as effective and they don't gross you out (but just to be safe, don't read the ingredients on the label). If your doctor is using cockroaches for medication, you might want find a new one even if he is close by and on your HMO's list of approved physicians. How did Dr. Demento get on your provider list anyhow? happy(they'recomingtotakemeawayheeheewhoha)shrink
Date: July 13, 2000
Dear Mr. Happy Man I have gone to some web sites on multiple personality and looked at some of the message board postings. When I read that some of these people claim to have 60 or more personalities I find it a little hard to believe. Some even claim there is a different personality for every task they perform. Huh? If this were true, and I'm not saying it isn't, I would think that everyone could claim they had multiple personalities, I mean it does require different modes of thinking for certain tasks, right? But I wouldn't call it a different, complete personality. Does the psychology area feed the thought that people can have so many personalities, or are the patients just finding a way to blame or justify their actions through claiming so many different personalities? I find it difficult to manage one personality, much less 60 or more. And how does one know if a therapist or psychologist really understands or knows how to treat this disorder? I would think that it would be very easy to be mislead by a professional, and have your delusions, if you will, fed and encouraged by someone who didn't know what they were doing. how does a patient find a good therapist without going to one after the other until either they give up, or they just pick one out of frustration. You know, telling your personal life over and over again gets to be a real drag. I thought I would only have to do it once, but I am finding out I am starting over again way too many times. So with that said, I eagerly await your reply. Aberration(onemindonepersonalityatleastforthetimebeing Dear Aberration, Dissociative disorder is a very complex, very hard to treat and very diverse in the way symptoms manifest themselves. At the root of it is trauma or very long term abuse and oppression. There are not that many therapists who have been trained and have the skills to treat this condition effectively. The process of finding the right person can be a lengthy and frustrating experience. I hear your frustration and empathize with it. I don't have a quick fix solution though. Often psychiatrists will manage the medication aspect of the treatment while referring the person out to a clinician with special training for the psychotherapy part. You need to continue to work with your psychiatrist in finding the right person to work with. The communication between therapist and psychiatrist is also critical. Everyone has got to be on the same page. Be patient and persistent Aberration. The stakes are too high not to be. As far as what you have read on message boards, don't believe everything you read. The Internet has a wealth of information, but it also has a wealth of misinformation. While I am sure that many of the people who post messages are the real deal, I would bet that some have either watched too many soap operas or are just being flat out dishonest. If what you read relates to your own experience or makes sense to you, then utilize that information. If what you are reading is something that does not resemble your experience, file it in the trash. happy(emptiesalotoftrasheveryday)shrinks
Dear Happyshrink, Enos cannot keep a job to save his hairy-backed hide! He had a good job at McDonalds, but a customer came in one day and asked for 2 cones. Enos said "Are they for here or to go?" The customer said "What difference does it make?" and Enos said "Well, I can't sell 'em to you 'lessn' I knows if you're eatin' 'em here or taken' em out on account of I have to punch it into this machine so we know how to wrap 'em." The customer said "One is for here, and the other is to go." and Enos got his two cones, one with a napkin, one without, and the customer stormed out. Needless to say, the store manager told Enos that he wouldn't need him to come back after the end of the day. After that, Enos got a perfectly fine job at one of the local department stores. He was training on the register that day and noticed that a customer gave him a credit card with no signature. He pointed it out, and demanded that she sign the back of the card immediately. Well, as mad as she was, she still signed it "Fred McCreedy." Then he made her sign the slip so he could compare signatures. That IDIOT thought he was so CLEVER that he even showed his boss what he had done and how the signatures MATCHED!! He was "let go of" IMMEDIATELY! We've almost exhausted the whole Orlando area trying to find him ANOTHER job. Any other ideas of a good job for Enos? Edna Dear Edna, A few years ago there was an episode of "Saturday Night Live" that featured a Cesspool diver. Does Enos know what "head first" means? happy(willpaymoneytohaveEnosstayaway)shrink
Date: July 12, 2000
Cnot writes back: Happy, That's a great idea to keep a daily checklist. I'm already thinking of how to write a program which will chart each item individually and also the average of all the items. Guess my productivity and energy level are pretty high, huh? cnot Dear Cnot, I'm glad you liked my idea. Being at a high energy level right now is a good time to set up a tracking system. You are very motivated and that too is an important indicator. If you come up with a really good program, I would love to see it. Good luck and keep up the high energy. happy(loveshighenergy)shrink
Dear Hap, Inspired by one of your favorite Canadian whiners, Alanis Morissette, I have decided to try my hand at songwriting. Luckily, there's an instant lyrics generator at http://www.brunching.com/toys/toy-alanislyrics.html where with just a few key words and a click of a button, anyone can create their own Alanis-like repetitive, angry lyrics. Here's MY song. Tell me what you think. love, st(yououghtapublishthis)theresa "I Think"
I Think idiots are really a huge problem I Think jerks are too much on my mind I Think losers have got a lot to do with why the world sucks But what can you do? Like a purple rain, beating down on me Like a Tori Amos line, which won't let go of my brain Like Bubba's ass, it is in my head Blame it on stupid people Blame it on stupid people Blame it on stupid people
I Think low-lives are gonna drive us all crazy And dumbbells make me feel like a child I Think shitheads will eventually be the downfall of civilization But what can you do? I said what can you do? Like a purple rain, beating down on me Like a Tori Amos line, which won't let go of my brain Like Bubba's ass, it is in my head Blame it on stupid people Blame it on stupid people Blame it on stupid people
Like a purple rain, beating down on me Like Bubba's smile, cruel and cold Like Tori Amos's ass, it is in my head Blame it on stupid people Blame it on stupid people Blame it on stupid people Dear St. Theresa, I think it's time to pay a visit to Betty Ford Clinic. happy(hangsoutwiththeusualgangofidiots)shrink
Date: July 11, 2000
Hi Happy, I'm still doing great. The new position is giving me just what I want from work. I'm doing a great job and getting the recognition that I want for it. Those human traits come out sometimes :- ) . I was just thinking though, my manager's boss has some reservations about putting me on the job. She was concerned that my work performance has been up and down for several years. She took a chance on me because I told her I've been fighting depression periodically for several years but have recognized the need for medication when I am depressed and that I respond well to it. What I didn't tell her is I don't stay on medication all the time. I'll take the antidepressant for several months after I have come out of the depression but then stop. At this point I've been off the antidepressant about 3 months. My concern for the future is that I will probably suffer from depression again and I don't recognize how bad the depression is until it has been affecting my work for a month or more, then it can take a couple of weeks for the medication to work. How can I avoid future periods of 'down time' without staying on medication full time? My friends and husband aren't very good at recognizing when I'm depressed, those Vulcan characteristics make it hard to tell one mood from another :-). I don't see my therapist on a regular basis when I'm feeling well, would monthly 'checkups' be a solution? Thanks, cnot Dear cnot, Seeing your therapist on a monthly basis isn't a bad idea. Since you consider yourself part Vulcan like your hero Mr. Spock, I have a very logical and practical suggestion for you. You can keep a daily checklist of potential symptoms. On a scale of 1 - 5 you can rate the following aspects of your day in these areas: Productivity 1= high 5= low Social Interaction 1= high 5 = low Energy level 1= high 5 = low Stress level 1= high 5 = low Conflict level 1= no conflict 5 = a lot of conflict with several people Sleep pattern 1= completely restful 5= unable to get much sleep You might know of other indicators that apply to you with regard to symptoms of depression. Modify this list as you need to. If you are unsure about a given rating, ask friends, coworkers and family what they may have observed. When you see a few days in a row of these indicators going downhill, that might be a sign that you are becoming depressed. Let me know what you think and if this works. happy(stilllivinglongandprospering)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Remember when you caught me masturbating and told me I should save that for when I got married ?? Well, I am getting married next week and I have a 55 gallon drum of the stuff in the back of my pick-up truck. What am I supposed to do with it ??? Andie Dear Andie, Your mom explained to you a while back that there are certain types of advice you should ask me about, while for other things you need to ask Bubba. This one is definitely in Bubba's domain. 55 gallons, huh? Oh to be young and foolish. happy(Oldandfoolish)shrink
Date: July 10, 2000
Hi Happy Dear, I'm almost 28. Few weeks ago, I have known someone on IRC, I saw his pic and so he did mine, and short after that he said he liked me, and then he loved me, and then he started to call me (international calls, we don't live in the same country) twice a day. He is an eye surgeon. Now, two days later, we had an argument about me not believing him, I told him I don't believe in fairy tales, and it made him nervous, and yesterday he didn't call, when I called him, I knew (or so he told me) he has operated a guy and the surgery didn't succeed, and it made him feel down. Now the stupid thing is : just when I was telling him I don't believe him, inside I did, and now I feel very depressed because he doesn't call anymore. I'm afraid he was just fooling me, and in that case it would prove that I'm still just as stupid as I used to be when I was 14. Am I in love with him ? ML Dear ML, I don't know if you are in love, but you are clearly infatuated. The Internet revolution has created a great new way to meet people from different countries, different cultures and all walks of life. Because you are speaking into a microphone or typing on a keyboard and not speaking face to face, intimacy grows quickly. People on the Internet sound more interesting and more honest than people we come in contact with in our day to day lives. There are two pitfalls though. First, some of those nice people we meet on the Internet are not what they claim to be. We don't really have a way of knowing how truthful they are, even when we meet them in person. I know many people who have been burned by others who sounded great on chat and ended up being frauds. I'm not talking about child molesters, murders, or sadomasochists (There are "sickos" everywhere and the Internet as well as the outside world is not immune to that). I'm talking about people who just like to role play and become someone or something they are not. It could be someone who says he/she is single when in fact they are married. It could be someone who claims to be a doctor or lawyer when in fact they are file clerks and secretaries. The second pitfall is getting beyond the infatuation. Even if this guy is the real deal, and you are the real deal to him, where is the relationship going? Are you prepared to relocate? Is he? As compatible as you may think you are together, you haven't even spent a moment of time in the same room. The road from Internet infatuation to a real relationship is harder than you might think and you might want to consider if it's worth it ML. Infatuation can make us all feel and act like 14 year olds even when we are 28, 38, 48 and beyond. It's not a bad thing, as long as the "adult" can make the tough decisions. I guess that's what you have to do now ML. Let me know what you decide. happy(actslikea14yearoldeveryday)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I am a fifth grade teacher and I just LOVE working with and teaching children.... But there is ONE LITTLE BOY who I feel is just about a "hopeless mess." His name is Rusty Hoppenstetter. Ooooops .. maybe I should NOT have mentioned his name .. you can remove it if you think you should. ANY WAY ... I was asking the class what their parents do for a living when Rusty says, "My mom is a substitute." Well, let me tell you something ... I have met his mother ... and I have taught his older brothers and sisters, so I said as GENTLY as I could, "Don't you mean she's a *prostitute*?" That little MONSTER SAID TO ME ... "No, teacher. MY SISTER is a prostitute but when she's on the rag, my mom *substitutes*." He left me SPEECHLESS !! Ms. Baker Dear Ms. Baker, Aren't there a lot of teachers who start out as substitutes? Perhaps you were once a substitute. But now you are a pro! Maybe Mrs. Hoppenstetter can substitute for you when you are having a tough day. happy(spendmanyadayinthePros....er...Principal'soffice)shrink
Date: July 9, 2000
Dear Happyshrink, I want to respond to aberration. I understand what she is saying completely. Sometimes the only way to get back to the memory is to cut, but it does bring about certain other undesirable effects, like being put back into the hospital. I have tried to understand why I am cold, and the only thing I can come up with is that being cold is like opening a big freezer and reaching in for something. But in this case, it's like the something reaches back and pulls you in so that you can't get out. I have taken almost scalding hot showers and still feel like I walked in from a cold winter rain. Like aberration, I have also cut myself, for the very same reason. I know when I am beginning to have an old memory surface when I become cold and want to cut again. I fight the cold because I fight the memory. I fear having it overtake me at an inconvenient time (like when I'm driving) or that I will get lost in it and not be able to come back. Do these things happen to people? How does aberration control it? Can anyone control it? Brrrrrrrrrr Dear Brrrrrrrrrr I am glad you and Aberration have been able to share your similar experiences with overcoming trauma. Many more people suffer from your conditions than you might think. Yes, there are people out there who have been able to overcome their past trauma and live productive, healthy and happy lives. The journey is not an easy one though. Fear is a powerful enemy. It seeks to control, manipulate and suck the life out of you. It makes you believe that you can't live without it and so you feed it with your own blood if necessary. You can live without fear Brrrrrrrrrr, but you need to stand up to it. Fear is like a bully. As long as he knows he can intimidate you, he will continue to do so. Once you stand up to him though, he will show himself to be the true coward he is. But he is clever and you will need help. Make sure you use all the resources at your disposal including medication and a good therapist who is experienced in Post Traumatic Stress and Dissociative Disorders. Please don't hesitate to write again. I invite anyone who have similar experiences as Aberration and Brrrrrrrrrr to continue the dialogue. happy(fearmaybecoldbutcourageiswarm)shrink
Dear happyshrink, I am curious to know if there is a difference between alcohol/drug addiction and.... abuse? If there is could you please tell me. MA Dear MA, The terms addiction and abuse are pretty much used interchangeably. I guess you could argue that all drug addictions are drug abuses but not all drug abuses are drug addictions. You don't have to be addicted (physically or psychologically) to drugs to abuse them. If you take drugs for purposes other than what they are intended for, take more of them than is prescribed, or take any form of illegal drugs, I would consider that drug abuse but not necessarily drug addiction. Beyond the semantics MA, drug and alcohol abuse is one of the most destructive forces in our society. Whether you are addicted or just use them irresponsibly the results are tens of thousands of deaths each year by impaired drivers, and millions of devastated families. If you know someone who abuses drugs or alcohol, urge them to get help. happy(wishespeoplecouldjustsayno)shrink
Happy, I was walking my dog through the trailer park when this old guy stopped me, saying, "That's sure a pretty dress you're wearing, Edna." I thanked him and started to leave when he asked me what was the name of my dog. I told him "Porky" and tried to leave again when he said. "I bet you a hundred dollars I know why you named him that.I said, "I bet you can't." He laughed and said, "You call him Porky because he's so fat." I told him. "No Sir, we call him that because he fucks pigs" and took his hundred dollars.Edna Dear Edna, If I told you once I told you a hundred times, KEEP YOUR DOG AWAY FROM BUBBA!!! happy(can'teatbaconanymore)shrink
Date: July 8, 2000
Dear happyshrink, I understand Brrrrrrrrrrrrr's cold feelings, I too get cold when I start to think or feel, or engage in conversation about deep emotions. The people at work couldn't figure out why my teeth were chattering and I was wearing a jacket while I was outside in 90 degree weather, but I knew. When my mind starts to get so clouded, and all my senses start to get overly heightened, I get cold. I know I am in trouble, and I must try so very hard to concentrate on getting warmer, or getting a grip if you will. I would like to know if others ever feel like every sound they hear at times are extremely amplified, to the point of just wanting to scream if some one doesn't turn down the noise level. Or if anyone else gets so overwhelmed by the feelings of others when you walk into a room, that it's hard to distinguish between your own feelings and the feelings of others. At this point, I usually get sick to my stomach and dizzy. How do you explain this to your co-workers or your family? How do you tell them about something that they don't or can't understand, because they either have never experienced it, or don't admit it if they have. Everyone wants to tell you to go take a pill and be better, but it's not that easy, and they don't know how hard you are trying to be ok. Cutting brings me back to the moment, but the shame of doing it, brings the guilt. I called the help line yesterday because of the suicidal feeling, but what do you say. I talked to this person, told him what was going on inside, and realized I felt nothing. Nothing! I thanked him for his time, and felt bad because I had wasted his time. But maybe it worked, I'm still here. This isn't who I was , this isn't what I want to be. Day to day ups and downs, loss of time, struggling for something that resembles who I was. I'm tired, plain and simple. I'm just tired. Aberration Dear Aberration, The energy it takes to keep all of your pain and past trauma under control is exhausting. The cutting may return you to the moment, but just adds another scar to the spirit that has been maimed more times than one can count. How could you not be tired from this sensory overload? I don't have an easy answer Aberration. All I can tell you is to keep trying no matter how tired you get. Get the help you need from someone who understands your condition and will help you to find better ways to ease the pain than cutting. happy(Iwon'tgiveuponyouifyoudon'tgiveuponyourself)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I am writing to you today because one of my best friends has died. Her name is Aspen, and she is a golden retriever. Would you please post this quote for her? Thanks. The earth trembled and a great rift appeared, separating the first man and woman from the rest of the animal kingdom. As the chasm grew deeper and wider, all the other creatures, afraid for their lives, returned to the forest -- except for the dog, who after much consideration leapt the perilous rift to stay with the humans on the other side. His love for humanity was greater than his bond to other creatures, he explained, and he willingly forfeited his place in paradise to prove it. --Native American folktale...an Ojibway tale. Wind(lovesAspenandwillmissher)NWillows Dear Wind, I was very privileged to have met Aspen. She was very special in ways that is impossible to explain on this web page. If anyone doubts that dogs have a soul they never knew a dog like Aspen. happy(AspenwillalwaysbeGoldeninmanyways)shrink
Happy, Bubba and Edna had ANOTHER one of their "GET RICH QUICK IDEAS." And they bought a truckload of watermelons, paying one dollar each for them. Then they drove to the local flea market and sold all their melons for the SAME ONE DOLLAR that they'd paid for them. After counting their money (somehow) at the end of the day, they realized (somehow) they'd ended up with no more money than they'd started with. "See!" said Edna. "I told you we shoulda got a bigger truck." Ain't she a GEM ?? JeWitch Dear JeWitch, If you were a true friend of Edna's, you would have suggested she get a bigger truck before she went through all the trouble of buying and selling those melons! At least you could have suggested that she sell her own melons. You could have be standing right next to her trying to sell your melons too. Now what kind of price do you think you could get for that? happy(moreofacantaloupemanthanamelonman)shrink
Date: July 7, 2000
Dear Happyshrink, Whenever I discuss something that happened that was traumatic, I get very cold, or at least I think I get very cold. My teeth start chattering, and it's very hard to warm up again. This happens every time. Also, if I have to discuss what I perceive to be my "illness" the same thing happens. Is there a reason for this? Brrrrrrrrrr Dear Brrrrrrrrrr, When you think about a traumatic event, there are physical reactions that your body goes through as well as emotional ones. Feelings of anxiety or any strong emotion can trigger feeling cold, hot, lightheaded, dizzy, hungry, sleepy, etc. Obviously, feeling cold is the physical reaction in your case. Since discussing your "illness" is more than likely connected to your trauma, it is not surprising that this sensation occurs in that instance as well. Our senses are strongly connected with memories. It can work both ways. A smell, image, sound, taste or touch can trigger a memory of an earlier trauma, or thinking about the trauma can trigger a physical sensation. This can also be the case for positive memories as well. Believe it or not the sense of smell is one of the most acute memory triggers. Whenever I think of my grandmother, I can remember the smells from her kitchen so vividly, they seem to be real. As far as your feeling cold is concerned, it may just be an indication that you still need to work on your recovery from this traumatic event. It will be worth getting cold now if you can begin to start feeling warmer later. happy(gettingoutthehotchocolate)shrink
Dear Hap, I'm going to see Dave Matthews in a LIMO on Sunday. Very excited. The thing is, I haven't been to a concert that didn't feature a WOMAN in a long time and it's sorta feeling funny, you know? So I dyed my hair red and I plan on saying "Eat My Pussy" a lot that night. I think I got it all covered except for one thing.... Could you help me bring the piano to the stadium? shamelessly begging, st(geethatwomansoundslikeaguy)theresa Dear St. Theresa, When Tori Amos said "Eat My Pussy" there were about 50 security guards there to make sure that no one was going to take her up on the offer. You will not have 50 security guards. Considering the knack you have for putting your foot in your mouth and your affinity for bad luck, you might want to consider a lower profile. And if I were to help you bring a piano to the concert and you started playing, what do you think would happen then? 1- Record contract? 2- Personal appearances? 3- Bloody riot? I'm going with door number 3! In conclusion, dye your hair back to it's original color, keep quiet (I know that's impossible but try to tone it down) and enjoy the show. happy(wouldenjoyanyconcertwithhisfavoriteSaint)shrink
Date: July 6, 2000
Dear Happyshrink, This is a very long story... I will try to cut it as short as possible. Our grandmother has Manic-depression and has been on Lithium and Prozac for years. She had a very hard childhood. Her mother died when she was very young and her step mother was then very abusive. Over the years she has had several nervous break-downs. All we have been told, have been associated with her medication not being regulated properly and combined with improper diet. Polly is a very strong willed lady and likes to do what she pleases… eat what she wants and when she wants to.. We love her, but these types of habits have gotten her into trouble over and over. We know her so good that we can tell you just by the way she is acting if her Lithium level is too high or too low. They have even taken her off of it for a couple days and then restarted it to get her straightened out. OK… lets jump to the present. Polly’s medication has been getting harder and harder to regulate. Due to several things that have happened (like trying to cook corn in a butter dish on the stove.. fire!) Her kids feel she needs to have a professional maintain her medicine and insure she has a proper diet. So they moved her to an assisted living facility. Polly had been having a VERY hard time dealing living in an assisted living. It is a wonderful environment. She just wants to be home. So she has been very upset, but.. the main problem we have run into there is that she has to use their psychiatrist. Within a week of her being there and without the doctor even seeing her.. this doctor felt that she should not be on Lithium and Prozac AT ALL. That she should be on some of the newer anti-depressant medications. That she may have better success with them. So they took Polly off those two medications cold-turkey for two weeks. She started going down hill very quickly. We knew what was happening to her from past experiences. She went into a very deep depression. Started hallucinating, screaming, crying all the time, mean, etc….. No matter how much we talking with her new psychiatrist.. He would not put her on the medicine again. He said the new medicine would be much better. (Depakote) (The doctor still had never met Polly) (One note… the nurses at the home actually came right out and told us that a lot of the doctors at the home feel that Lithium is too expensive and a inconvenience to the staff… A NURSE TOLD US THAT!) Well… Polly got to the point where she was a danger to her self and the other people staying at the facility. She fell again and needed stitches. She began hitting and biting. My husband and I would go and stay for hours just to give the nurses a break from one – one care. She said people were trying to kill her. You name it, she thought it. It got to the point where the home could not handle Polly. They admitted her to a psychiatric ward close by. That is where she is now. They have her on Haldol and have her strapped down, until they can start getting her back on track. (probably after the holiday) Where are we now… My husband talked to the doctor and they still will not put her back on the Lithium. Did start her back on Prozac (This is not the same psychiatrist she had at the home) They will begin the new medication immediately. And get it regulated properly. He went in there and the straps on her arms were so tight, her hands were purple. The nurses and him had a few words then. I wish you could know Polly. She is a wonderful lady and as long as her medicine is regulated perfectly and she eats right… she is fine. She goes everywhere with us and is very strong. Walks a lot and does very well. But take her medicine away. And she is incapable of anything. What are your feelings on the entire situation? What kind of questions do we ask? Is there anything we can do? Thanks for your help in advance. We just want her to be the same old Polly again. J Dear J, I have heard stories like this before. It is inexcusable to remove someone from a medication because it is too costly and/or too difficult to manage. When you heard that, it should have been apparent that this facility was not a good place from your grandmother. In fairness though, there could be good reasons for discontinuing Lithium. This is a very toxic drug that has can have long term medical complications. The blood testing is very critical to make sure that the toxicity levels are not exceeded. As your Grandmother's overall health deteriorates, it could cause other complications. I don't understand how this doctor could make decisions on your grandmother's condition without ever seeing her though. I smell something worse than a rat J. At this point, I would be glad she is out of the assisted living facility and being treated in a hospital. The hospital may try to stabilize your grandmother without lithium if that is possible. Depakote was originally used to treat seizure disorders, and has more recently become an effective treatment for bipolar disorder (manic-depression). It might work for your grandmother and put less stress on her overall health. I would wait and see if the hospital is able to stabilize your grandmother without the use of lithium. If they can't, you might want to contact her former psychiatrist who treated her with lithium. His/her input at this time might be very helpful. Lastly J, find a facility for your grandmother that will allow the psychiatrist of your family's choice to treat her. Beyond that, all other advice might need to come from an attorney. Please update me on the situation. happy(hopesgrandmabecomesthesameoldPolly)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I have the answer to keeping the sex life ALIVE in a long-term relationships. NO BOREDOM HERE !! The answer is S&M. Yes ... S&M....... He Snores while I Masturbate. JeWitch Dear JeWitch, I never knew that snoring could turn you on! happy(zzzzzzzzzz)shrink
Date: July 5, 2000
Dear Happyshrink, When should you be able to leave your children alone for a couple of hours during the day? Errand Runner Dear Errand Runner, This question is a bit more complicated than you might think because of legal implications. Many places have laws that specify the minimum age a child can be left unattended for a prolonged period of time. In most cases the age is 12. I would suggest you find out about the laws in your area with regard to leaving your child alone. Beyond the law, there is the issue of how responsible your child is and how safe your home is. Your home should not have any dangerous items that a child might have access to without supervision. (Guns, matches, inflammables, etc.) If you have dangerous items, they should be locked up, and not just hidden. As far as preparing your children to be alone, you need to teach them specific skills necessary in the event of an emergency. They need to know how to dial the phone and call 911, your beeper or cell phone number and perhaps a neighbor. They need to know how to get out of the house in the event of a fire. They need to know what to do when the phone or doorbell rings. When you leave them alone for the first time, don't be away for more than 15 or 20 minutes. Increase the amount of time away slowly until you feel confident that they behave responsibly and safely. Always err on the side of caution. I know it's not easy to watch kids and do the things you have to do, but an ounce of caution is worth a ton of crisis management. happy(safetyfirst)shrink
Happy, All we ever hear about on the news "down here" in Florida is Elian Gonzalez. I got a good plan...if we cut him down the center with a table saw or something, we could give the left half to Cuba (his communist side) and keep the right side at the Smithsonian or something... What do YOU think ?? JeWitch PS ... I discontinued my medicine .. it wasn't working. Dear JeWitch, I think we ought to up the dosage. happy(I'mstillinonepieceafterknowingJeWitch)shrink
Date: July 4, 2000 Happy Independence Day
Dear
Happyshrink, Where
should you look for a good babysitter?
I know a few from my friends, Needs a break Dear Needs a break, You and your husband should have an evening to yourselves on a regular basis. Too many couples forget their own needs and drift apart as a result. The quality of time you spend with your child will also be enhanced by you and your husband having some time for yourselves. Finding a babysitter should not be that difficult a task but should involve some research and preparation. Getting recommendations is a good strategy. It's not a bad idea to interview the person before hand and introduce him/her to your child. It will give you an opportunity to observe how your child and the babysitter relate to one another. When you hire a babysitter for the first time, limit the time away to about 2 hours. That will enable you to have a nice dinner and even a leisurely walk. Give the babysitter pertinent information like your cell phone or pager, the baby's physician, the phone number of a neighbor, the police and fire depts., etc. Write or type everything on paper so it is clear and legible. Let the babysitter know what parts of the house and what items are off limits. If all goes well the first time, you can increase the time away. Have a great time Needs a break. You deserve it. happy(deservesittoo)shrink
Dear
Happy, Did
you hear that JeWitch got arrested?!
She got real bored and went to a Love, Edna Dear Edna, No, she won't. happy(willneverlearneither)shrink
Date: July 3, 2000
Dear
Happy, What
should you do when you had a really bad argument with your spouse and Anxious Dear Anxious, Before I could give you good advice about your specific situation, I would need more information about you and your spouse's relationship. Is there a pattern of verbally abusive behavior? Did you perhaps say things you didn't mean as well? How often do you have arguments where your spouse loses his temper? Is there any history of physical abuse in your marriage? If this incident is an isolated one, forgiveness may be in order. All of us have said things in anger that we wish we had not said. Sometimes when we are having a bad day, it affects how we may treat our loved ones. If this is an aberration from your spouse's normal behavior, flowers and dinner might be a nice way to end the hostilities. If this behavior is more common though, it may require some marital counseling. If there is abuse as well, then you may want to consider getting out of the relationship. No marriage can be a good one if one of the partners live in fear. If you would like to tell me more about the situation, I might be able to give you more specific suggestions Anxious. Please let me know. happy(puthisfootinhismouthmorethanonce)shrink
Dear Happy,
Lefty
Dear Lefty,
Then proceed directly to stamping your feet.
happy(andheknowsit)shrink
Date: July 2, 2000
Dear
Happyshrink, I'm
what you might call a "plain jane."
I'm not thin, but not fat. I
don't I
tried a dating service, but none of those Plain Jane Dear Plain Jane, Even the plainest person can find ways to spice themselves up. Have you considered getting a makeover? Could you speak to a hair stylist and a cosmetologist? Perhaps a clothing consultant can help you find out what clothes may enhance your appearance. Maybe if you start feeling better about the way you look, you will find yourself being more outgoing and attractive to others. There isn't one right way to meet people Plain Jane. You have to find the right environment for you to feel comfortable and also get noticed. Have you considered joining a literary society? Perhaps there are other groups that may interest you as well. Putting yourself into social situations and working on your self-confidence will go a long way. I can't guarantee that you will find a boyfriend but the more social situations you put yourself in, the more opportunities for making new friends will emerge. Don't just sit home and read books. You are only a Plain Jane when you live a plain and boring life. Get out there kick some Butt. Good luck. happy(plainandsimple)shrink
Happyshrink, I want you to know that I think cheerleading is the
most important thing we have in our society. I think cheerleaders are
important to world peace and harmony and I can’t imagine a world without
them. Every shoe I own is a saddle shoe. Every sweater I own is tight.
Every skirt I own is short and flared. Every time I speak, I try to keep
it rhythmic and emphatic and full of spirit because that’s my mission in
life. I am one of the chosen few; I am a cheerleader. Go Team!!! Babbette Dear Babbette, I was hoping that after your fiftieth birthday you would find a deeper meaning to life. So when did you say you go on the Jerry Springer show? happy(markingmyTVGuide)shrink
Date: July 1, 2000
Jazz responds: Dear
Happy, Thank
you for responding to my letter. I
do not want to pretend that I do Jazz Dear Jazz, I would not look at dealing with your mental illness as embracing it. But just as you would treat any other illness and consider the limitations that the illness may put on your life, you must do the same for your condition. Getting support from others is not embracing the illness. Rather, it is recognizing that having such a condition doesn't make you a leper and that others who struggle like you do can be a source of strength, information and resources. I don't ever expect you to like your illness Jazz. But you can live with it. You don't really have much choice. Learn how to keep it under control and you will enjoy life more and struggle less. happy(wouldliketoenjoymoreandstrugglelesstoo)shrink
Dear happy, Just got back from the grocery store and ya know what
??? I'm sick and tired of getting behind someone that has a buggy
all loaded up with the good stuff. I mean rib-eyes, T-bones, New York
Strips, shrimp, macaroni and cheese, and all other kinds of expensive
stuff. Just to see them whip out a stack of food stamps. The lady in front of me was told she could not buy dog
food with food stamps, she promptly left her lot, right there in my way,
and retrieved a gob of the finest ground beef in the store. She put it on
the counter and said, "He'll just have to eat that." Referring
of course to her dog. I wish I could afford ground beef. Seems to me, this whole government handout program
needs a tune-up. Maybe they should limit them to the essentials: beans,
beans, and more beans. Maybe let them buy a chicken every now and then,
it's cheap meat. Better yet, let them buy chicken feed so they can GROW
THEIR OWN !! JeWitch Dear JeWitch, Would you really want to visit your friend Edna at the Circle K Trailer Park if the only thing that the people there could buy with their food stamps is beans, beans and more beans? I wouldn't want to be there when you light that first cigarette either. happy(wakeupandsmelltheroses...Imeanbeans)shrink
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