Postings from May 16-31, 2000
Date: May 31, 2000
Hi Happyshrink, I am doing a feature for a magazine on why laughter is good medicine and whether there has been any research on the subject. Any information you could provide would be most helpful and of course I am happy to credit you with any information you can provide. Many thanks and I am on a tight deadline, Dan Jacobson Freelance Journalist-London Dear Dan, I have not read any recent literature on the subject but I have a over twenty five years experience of combining psychotherapy and humor. I Humor can disarm the most defended person. If put in the context of humor, insight can be enhanced and people can put their most painful experiences in prospective. A family mourning the death of a loved one can talk about humorous memories of their dearly departed, laugh about it and realize that while they have lost the living being, they have not lost their loved one's spirit. I currently run a residential facility for chronic mentally ill women. While I can't cure their diseases and can not undo years of victimization and abuse, I can almost always make them laugh. Humor can diffuse the most volatile situation when used properly. It can be used inappropriately so I don't recommend using it indiscriminately. It has been one of my most power intervention tools and I can't imagine communicating to clients without humor. Lastly Dan, humor is one of the most important ways that human service professionals keep their own sanity. When you spend the better part of a day dealing with depressed, anxious, paranoid and tortured individuals, it is critical to be able to laugh on a regular basis. Burnout in the mental health field is very high. It would be even higher without humor and laughter. I hope this answers your question and please let me know how your article turns out. happy(TwoJewswalkintoabar)shrink
Happyshrink, A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke. Enis Dear Enis, Have you noticed that you have less and less friends who are willing to go into the woods with you? happy(bittenmanytimesbutneverbysnakes)shrink
Date: May 30, 2000
Dear Happyshrink, My friend thinks I am depressed. Actually several people think that I am. Tell me if I really am : I am constantly tired, I feel an empty-stomach sort of nausea frequently, and when I don't I'm very hungry. I also feel very upset a lot, and people say I am too 'down on' myself. Also, one of my friends who I am not that close with says she thinks I am depressed because I 'sound like it' when I talk. Am I or am I not? ~some one who's wondering Dear some one who's wondering, You have described several indicators for clinical depression, but in order to determine for sure, you really need to be evaluated by a psychiatrist. It would also be a good idea to get a comprehensive medical exam to make sure that your symptoms are not a result of a physical condition. It sounds like you are not very happy right now and I would urge you to do something about it. These things don't get better by themselves. They usually get worse. It is better to get the help you need than it is to wonder. Good luck and let me know what you find out. happy(whywonder)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do. JeWitch Dear JeWitch, Mr. Barnslow is still crazy and you and your friends still have a lot of growing up to do. happy(tryingtobeagrownup)shrink
Date: May 29, 2000 HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY
HOLIDAY EDITION Dear Happy, Ever wondered what it would be like if Dear Abby was a MAN? Dear Mr. Abby: Q: My husband wants to experience a threesome with my sister and me. A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing -- your sister. Far from being an issue, this can bring all of the family together. Why not get some cousins involved? If you are still apprehensive, then let him be with your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior. Dear Mr. Abby: Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him. A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories per spoonful. It is nutritious, helps you to keep your figure, and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to you to perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex is extremely painful for a man. This shows he loves you. Buy him a nice present, cook him a nice meal, and don't mention this aspect of his behavior. Dear Mr. Abby: Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys. A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and to get back to you is a relief for him. Just look at how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior. Dear Mr. Abby: Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is. A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time. To help with the family budget you may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and sell it. To ease your selfish guilt, buy your man a nice, expensive present, and cook him a delicious meal. Dear Mr. Abby: Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay. A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that you do not love your man as much as you should -- he has to work a lot to get you in the mood. Abandon all wishes in this area, and make it up to him by buying him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal. Dear Mr. Abby: Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm. A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant, man-hating feminists and is a danger to the family unit. Don't mention it again to him and show your love to him by buying a nice, expensive present, and don't forget to cook him a delicious meal! What do you think? Reverand Al Dear Reverend Al, The only thing more frightening that imagining "Dear Abby" as a man, is imagining "Happyshrink" as a woman. Now lets get off this subject and open up our expensive presents and get a nice meal. happy(alwayswillingtosacrifice)shrink
Date: May 28, 2000
Dear Happy: I have been diagnosed with a social anxiety disorder and am presently (and have for the past two years) been seeing a certified social worker and now am seeing a psychotherapist. I think I have had this disorder since I was a child. My mother has always been outgoing but my father always avoided some social situations, and when he got older, he would sit by himself and not join in with any social "talk", not even in his own home. He was an alcoholic since I was 13 (I am now 44) although he did stop drinking when I was about 32. I want to let you know that I was adopted as an infant. My problem is that I work with a "team" at work and they are very outgoing, intelligent, witty but have developed a very strong clique. I do not travel around with them in the same vehicles as I perform a different type of job than they do within the team. I was always the type who did not know how to "join in" and have fun with a group unless I felt really accepted. I was the one on the playground who was left to the side and didn't feel as though I fit in. It is still going on to this present day. Now especially when I am with this team at work, I feel I have absolutely no personality and I cannot think of anything to say to them. I feel very inferior and have been rejected by them in many ways. I can say hello to them when I meet up with them and they don't have the courtesy to even say hello. I feel hurt by this and and then resent their rejections and want to avoid them. The anxiety gets overwhelming and digs me deeper into avoidance. I wish I had a "normal" personality that allowed me to laugh with people, feel that I am a "whole" person and could get close to people. I feel like an empty shell many times. Have you ever heard of anyone feeling exactly the way I do? Any information or suggestions? Are there any books you can recommend that I could read on this subject for self-help? I was feeling so much better lately because my boss did not schedule me on the same shift as this team. I did not have the extreme anxiety during that time. I took off from work today to try to find some answers and to get out for a calm in the park and work on my spiritual reattachment as my therapist recommended. Please answer as soon as possible as I am suffering so terribly. Thank you so much. KD Dear KD, There are a lot of people who are what I call "painfully shy." These individuals feel like they have nothing to offer to others in a relationship and so they avoid people. When others pick up on their shyness and keep at a distance, the "shy person" will then feel rejected. This condition is a lot more common than you think. You are not alone and there are things you can do about it. I would strongly suggest you join a support group for people who have problems with either shyness or assertiveness. It will enable you to meet other people who share your difficulties and hopefully you will feel like you "fit in." I think it is a good idea to continue your therapy. There are lot of self esteem issues that need to be worked on and therapy can help. Lastly, I would think of things you might want to talk to others at work about. Sometimes preparation for social situations, can make you feel more comfortable and give you some tools to use in you conversations. The more you are out there trying to communicate, the more comfortable you will become. Keep trying KD and let me know how you make out. happy(andshyinnewsituationstoo)shrink
Happy, Why do people make fun of me for being married too many times. (maybe it was 4 or 5) You are allowed to get married 16 times. In fact I think you are supposed to ... The preacher at my church said, "Four better, four worse, four richer, four poorer." I think it must be in the bible some where. Edna Dear Edna, As far as I can tell, you have had four worse and four poorers. How about working on those four richer and four betters? happy(Edna'sfriendFourEver)shrink
Date: May 27, 2000
Dear happy, I am not very "happy", pardon the pun, with a day dream I am having more and more often. Not only is it disturbing, but it also makes it difficult to concentrate on my work. No, I haven't told my therapist about it, I'm not there with him yet. I will be working at the computer and it's like I zone into the images that start playing like a movie in front of me. I am very young, and I am walking up to the front porch of the house I grew up in. I am scared, something is coming after me. I run up to the front door, the door is unlocked and I run inside. I am crying out to my parents, and even my cat, but no one is there. The house is empty, and the thing that is chasing me is getting closer. I run from room to room looking for my family, I begin to cry. The wind blows in from the open windows, curtains blow and cast shadows on the floor and walls. I finally realize that no one is ever going to come, I am all alone. It's never going to matter how hard I cry, or how loud I scream. I curl up in a little ball in the corner of the living room, and wait for what is chasing me to come. It will end me, and there is nothing I can do. Needless to say, after I realize I have been in this dream zone, and in tears, It is very hard to not think about it for a long time afterwards. Sometimes I feel very angry, and it is hard to control the urge to just start ripping things up. At other times i want to crawl under my desk and shake and cry. So, my very special Happy man, maybe you could shed some light on this day dream thing and get me past some of it. Methos(reallywishingsomeonewouldholdhereventhoughshehatesbeingtouched Dear Methos, Your daydream is very similar to some childhood experiences you have shared with me in the past. Your childhood abuse is one of the themes that seems to come up over and over again. What is interesting is that eventually you accept the fact than no one is going to save you and you just wait for the inevitable to occur. Even now with so many people who are trying to support you and help chase away the demons, it is still hard to ask and receive assistance. I would urge you to discuss this daydream with your therapist and perhaps you can develop a new ending that will enable you to triumph over your perpetrators. Also ask your therapist if he is familiar with DBT (Dialect Behavior Therapy). This might be a good approach for dealing with some of your issues and fears. The ultimate answer is to have people in your life who are there to hold you mentally as well as physically. You have certain been able to make a lot of progress in this area. Keep up the fight and continue to work with your therapist. happy((((((((methos))))))))shrink
Dear Happy, Edna told me that
the baby her sister-in-law is expecting, according to the Sonogram,
was going to be a hermaphrodite.
I am so happy for her... it is going to have a
penis... AND a brain. JeWitch Dear JeWitch, That's a real rarity for the Hoppenstadder family. By the way..... Is it going to be a boy or a girl? happy(Oneneverknowsdoone?)shrink
Date: May 26, 2000
Dear Happyshrink, We have a major problem in our family. Our oldest son (28 years old) seems to have a mental illness of some sort and whenever we even bring up the subject of seeing a mental health professional, he gets infuriated. Our son lives at home, has never had any friends, graduated from a first-rate university, and ironically works as a mental health professional himself. We suspect that he sees prostitutes, and we have found boxes and boxes of porn movies. Finally, we have found that he is taking medication from his work. He is not using it, but this is clearly illegal activity. We love our son dearly and do not want to involve the authorities. We need to know how it is possible to get help for an adult who refuses to see a therapist. What can we do? RN Dear RN, Are you sure that your son is not using the medication he's taking from work? He may not appear to be "high" but he could be on something. Usually where there's smoke, there's fire. At age 28 he is a adult and can't be mandated to get help unless he's arrested for unlawful drug possession, or he's an acute danger to himself or others. I don't think he fits the second category so there isn't much you can do that wouldn't involve calling the police with regard to his illegal drug possession. I'm not sure if that would help or just push him further away. The fact that your son lives at home may create a situation where you are hanging on to the parent role and he's continuing to be the rebellious adolescent. It might be a good idea if he moved out. I understand that you love your son, and you want what is best for him. Your roles as parents should be over by now and the new relationship should be that of a friend. Perhaps if he moved out you could get to that point and you might have better luck getting through to him. This is a tough one RN. Please keep me informed as to what is going on. happy(learningtobeafriendtohisownson)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, Ok, is this right? Edna and Lurene are cousins, aren't they? It only took me an hour and 4 pieces of paper, but I'm fairly certain. Here is what the last flow chart looked like: Lurene Mr "X" daughter's aunt (L's sister in law) aunt's husband (L's brother in law) daughter daughter sister(Edna) I think....... PS - It's also setting my laundry schedule off, so a quick reply would be greatly appreciated. Wind(I'mnotneurotic)NWillows Dear Wind, Stick to laundry. happy(alittlelessstarchintheunderwareplease)shrink
Dear Happyshrink, "I suffer from two phobias: 1) Phobia-Phobia, the fear that I am unable to get scared, and 2) Xylophataquieopiaphobia, the fear of not pronouncing words correctly. JeWitch Dear JeWitch, I suffer from one phobia: The fear of getting emails from Edna and JeWitch. happy(there'snocurebutthereishope)shrink
Date: May 25, 2000
Two Letters: Dear Happyshrink I just found you and never got to hear the Rabbi on LSD! Though, I'm fairly certain I once heard the number performed by a traveling evangelist on valium. It strikes me as unfair that those of us who are new would be deprived of our happy-given right to decide for ourselves. If people don't like it, they can turn it down. Come by here. I just moved from Colorado to Oklahoma. ?????? Jo Dear Happyshrink, Bring back kumbaya! I never got a chance to hate it! Diane Dear Jo and Diane, I will not have it automatically play when you go to my home page, but if your really want to be tortured, click here. I suggest playing it 50 to 100 times in succession. If your computers and monitors are still intact and both of you are not in mental hospitals, all your problems will seem insignificant. happy(earsarealreadyexploding)shrink
Dear Happy, I went with Edna to
a family re-union and she introduced me to a relative of hers named
Lurlene. From what I gathered Edna is "Lurlene's
daughter's aunt's husband's daughter's sister.
How are Edna and Lurlene related? I
am more confused than ANY OF EDNA'S KIDS ARE on fathers day. JeWitch Dear JeWitch, I have a feeling that all of Edna's relatives consider themselves kissing cousins. happy(buttoningupmylips)shrink
Date: May 24, 2000
In response to yesterday's letter, rr responds. Dear Happyshrink, Well, the truth is: at the time I was hanging around with a (now former) friend from Windsor who has changed in the many years that I have known him. It just doesn't work anymore so I don't bother hanging around with him. People change over time and friends can grow into two different people. I did not like what he grew into. I am responsible and driven to go to work, school, practice music and workout. He likes to spend the little money he has on compact discs and fast food, instead of taking care of things like his debts or his car. Anyhow, that could be the part involving the friend. There is so much happening, and other stuff that I want to happen not happening. Dissatisfaction with work has subsided a little and I am practicing lots of music. Socially things are not so good. I hang around musicians and they seem to think that drinking and smoking pot are the key to developing socially. I beg to differ! I am not into the bar scene and being regimented with music and the gym keeps me away from socializing with persons my own age. I have always associated well with adults. I always was included when family things were happening with the adults. So I learned from their mistakes and took there stories as lessons. Unfortunately, after my parents divorced and my mother had a difficult time dealing with things- I was hyperactive- so I had to become the "man" of the house. Laundry, vacuuming, dusting, dishes, yard work, cooking were just a few things I was doing at 5 years old. Kind a cool now because I am already house trained. However, it seems I have grown up and missed out on all the fun things that people my age did and are doing. My view is those things are not fun. I became interested in an older woman at work- she is really cool, not to mention attractive- and we have the same view on a lot of things. The issue with that is I am 24 and she is turning 33. She has a 2 and a half year old daughter. I want to have a house, sport utility vehicle, dog, wife, kids (2), and a back yard with a garden and deck and pool. Things don't seem to be working out that way though. I can understand her problem with the age thing, but why would she waste her time with the guy she was having problems with? Why get engaged after a year of weekly break-ups, only to cancel the engagement? Women are very difficult to understand! I have been single since day one and yeah this has had a negative influence on things like self-confidence. How do you get it? I have been told that it is not the body (ie: my working out) but the confidence. They say that women can see it and they don't want someone who has none, or little, no-matter how well prepared they are for homemaking. There is so many things that are floating around in my head, but these are some of the predominant ones. I could type more, but that would result in a rather large message (maybe several thousand words). Hope this helps rr Dear rr, Your additional information makes things a bit clearer to me. It does support the "mess" theory. It also indicates to me that you are experiencing depression. I think your early childhood experiences as well as your current situation contribute to this. Self confidence is certainly an issue, but that's true of most people. Some individuals may look more self confident, but that doesn't mean they don't have doubts. I can also appreciate your efforts to be a responsible adult in a world where many adults would rather just throw around the slime. So where is all this going rr? I would strongly suggest you seek therapy. You are a sensitive and insightful individual who would benefit greatly by talking to someone on a regular basis. You can continue to write to me if you would like but that doesn't take the place of what my friend "cornfed" calls an "eyeball" therapist. This is a critical time in your life's journey rr. Get the help you need to take the right paths. happy(beenontheroadforsometimenow)shrink
Dear Happy, Remember YEARS ago when our children were young and we all got together with our families for the FIRST TIME ?? They were just kids then. It was you and your son, Usey and his son and Edna and her son. Don't remember where mine was that summer. Any way, the kids were in third grade at the time. Here they were, 3 kids from 3 different ethnic backgrounds, playing together like brothers. One Jewish, one Italian and one Redneck. (Redneck IS an ETHNIC BACKGROUND, right ??) They were out back when, I believe it was YOUR SON, suggest they play this new game. (Typical boy stuff.) "Let's see who has the biggest penis," he said. The kids all agreed to play. Your son pulled down his zipper and whipped his out first. "That's nothing," says Usey's kid. He whipped his out. His was a couple of inches longer. Then Edna's kid whipped his out. It was BY FAR the biggest. Yours and Usey's sons were AMAZED !! They said, "Wow. THAT THING IS HUGE !!" So on the bus ride back to Florida Edna asked her kid asked how he liked his new friends, what were they playing out in the back yard that they kept giggling about all night at dinner, etc. etc. Andy says, "My friends and I played 'Let's see who has the biggest penis.'" Edna says, "What kind of game is that ?" Andy told her about it, how it was played and like that. First he bragged for a while that he WON but a few minutes later he said, "Sheldon and Anthony say it's because I'm a Redneck. Is that true, Maw?" Edna said ... "No, Andy. It's because you're twenty-three." That was a GREAT STORY, huh Happy ?? JeWitch Dear JeWitch, What do you mean, Usey's son's penis was longer than my son's??????? happy(prefersthemetricsystem)shrink
Date: May 23, 2000
Hello Happyshrink,
I dreamt that I was at a friend's house, no-one I know in reality, and we were throwing slime around. Then, we had to clean it up and as I was cleaning it up the friend killed himself. Now it gets really weird. I cleaned up the mess, but not actually cleaning it, it was just clean. And it was all in a bag. I put the bag behind my head, to catch my own mess, and I could smell the mess, much like that of deer when you are cleaning it after hunting- something I have never done. Anyhow, I put the gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger. Suddenly I felt light and floated out of the room. The scenery turned into the old building that I have my psychology class in. I was floating and although no-one could hear me, they were asking why I did that. I had no answer. Eventually I was standing on the ground and talking with people. After that things became out of focus and I woke up. Although this dream happened over a year ago, I still remember it in detail. I don't understand it because that was not how I was feeling at all. Do you have any idea what it meant? RR Dear RR, Perhaps the dream is symbolic of your dissatisfaction with what you are doing with your life. You have graduated from college, got a job, but things didn't work out as you would have liked. In the dream you and your friend make a "mess." I wonder if you don't sometimes feel that your life is a mess. (Maybe it got cleaned up by itself in your dream, but messes in real life are another story.) As an engineering major, you have to think orderly and rational, yet your actions were irrational including suicide. Suicide attempts are not uncommon in dreams but actually "pulling the trigger" is. I wonder if there aren't other things in your life that may be "messy" and causing conflict. Please get back to me and let me know. If other people want a shot at explaining the dream, I will post it. happy(hasmadehisshareofmesses)shrink
Happy, Did you know that: There are more plastic flamingo's in the US than real ones. Edna Dear Edna, That may be true, but there is a lot more real bird sh** on the ground than the plastic stuff. happy(realnotplastic)shrink
Date: May 22, 2000
Hi, Happy, Haven't been able to keep up with you everyday, but just now I was catching up on a couple of weeks worth of letters. JeWitch mentioned Mr. Rogers, and that reminded me of a happy but lonely period in my life. It was a long, bitter winter. Two of my children were toddlers. We didn't get out much, for months. We played, watched endless Sesame Street and Mr. Roger's Neighborhood. I tried to keep up with the housework, especially the never ending laundry, but the kids needed the attention worse. Puzzles, baking, making play dough were more important. Finally, I really looked forward to Mr. Rogers. I was glad he liked me, and wanted to be my friend. He was a grown up! He was affirming, even if I wasn't perfect. My heart beat faster when he came on. I started getting that goofy in-love grin. When the educational tv station sent a post card of him, I put it up on the refrigerator right away! What a man. What a loving man! Eventually spring came. We could go outside in the sun. (Actually, we went for long walks in the cemetery and fed the geese. Now cemeteries may be depressing for some, but ours is truly grand!) We turned the TV off. But, Mr. Rogers can still bring smile to my heart, even if he's not really my type. Sometimes, in the midst of cold and darkness, you just have to believe in something until the warmth and light comes back. Love to all, r. (whoalsobelievesinHappyShrink) Dear r, I remember when Mr. Rogers was a wonderful babysitter. I love cemeteries too. Could you be my... would you be my neighbor? happy(puttingonhisshoes)shrink
Dear Happy, I am thinking about switching careers. I've always wanted to be one of those greeting card designers. I think I would be pretty good at it, too. Here are some samples - what do you think? Love, Wind(greetingeachnewdaywithacard)NWillows -Congratulations on your wedding day. Too bad no one likes your wife. -How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby? -I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After meeting you, I've changed my mind. -I must admit, you brought Religion into my life. I never believed in Hell till I met you. -Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the hell was I thinking? -As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin them for me. -If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your brother. -As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy... -Thanks for being a part of my life. You have re-defined the word "evil." -Congratulations on your promotion. Hey, before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again. -Someday I hope to get married, but not to you. -Happy Birthday! You look great for your age... Almost Lifelike -When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, how about keeping your promise? -I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys. -We have been friends for a very long time..........what say we call it quits. -I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here. -Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was? -Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday--so we're having you put to sleep. -Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad (available only in Arkansas) Dear Wind, Don't quit your day job just yet. While these sentiments are not what most people are used to seeing in stationary stores, I am sure your friend JeWitch will be wanting to buy all of those cards. About 75% of them will go to Airbourne. The other 25% will go to assorted family members, Edna and ex-employers. happy(keepinghisstockinhallmark)shrink
Date: May 21, 2000
Happyshrink, Why would a female adult who experienced child molestation from her father as a child, blame her mother and not the father for this experience? In fact, she appears to care more for him than the mother. Please help me understand this if you can. Thanks. CN Dear CN, The response to childhood sexual abuse is quite diverse. Many women will blame their mothers for not protecting them, or not believing that this was happening. While it may seem illogical, daughters may even blame their mothers for not being adequate wives and thus forcing their fathers to molest them. In some cases, mothers can still be in denial after the father has admitted to the abuse. The person you are talking about is may still be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She may have made peace with her father's "sick" behavior but she still can have issues with her mother who "should have known better." You might want to suggest counseling or a support group if this person is not already in some kind of treatment. If you have more details about some of the issues involved please feel free to write again. happy(healingisn'teasy)shrink
Happy, Did you know that: Edna can't say "the sixth sick sheik sheep's sick." JeWitch Dear JeWitch, Neither can I. happy(threesmartfellows..theyallsmeltfarts)shrink
Date: May 20, 2000
Well, the ordeal is over. My "good" computer is back. Thanks for your patience and I will try and answer the letters that I couldn't access during the time I was using my back up. Dear Happy, Hello. How are you? Just so you know, I am a 15 year old girl. I have had this on going problem, and it's really making me depressed. Let me start from the beginning. When I was 10, and my brother 13, he brought home a friend, *Tim*. I thought Tim was so cute, and instantly had a crush on him. Later on in my life, I switched school's, meaning I was now going to my brothers school, and Tim's. I was now 13, and still thought Tim was cute. He was the longest crush I had. But I knew he thought of me as just a little girl. A year later, on the way home from school, my brother asked me if I knew who Tim was. I said of course. The reason he asked me was Tim had told my brother that he thought I was hot. This just made my day. The boy I had liked since I was 10, finally said something about me, finally noticed me. Later on that week, my school had a pep-rally. The freshmen sat next to the senior's, which included my brother and Tim. Throughout the pep-rally, I noticed Tim looking at me. After school that day, my brother told me that Tim had asked about me. The following week, I asked my brother if he could get Tim's e-mail address for me. He said he would, and he did. The same day, my brother came over to me during lunch and handed me a piece of paper, and he told me, "he said write him a letter." I was so psyched. So I did just that, I wrote him a letter. We continued to pass letters, and eventually started the conversations on the phone, and for the short time we saw each other in the halls at school. I was so happy. This was the guy I had dreamed about for almost 4 years, and now, we were friends. But I wanted more, and he knew it. At a certain point I thought he did too. The way he would talk to me, and the things he would say were so sweet. But there was one small problem. He was 18, and I was only 14. But despite all this, we eventually did get together, and well, you know, stuff happened. After our night together, I realized that I had fallen in love with him. And I assumed that he liked me. He had to. He wouldn't do what we did with just anyone. Would he? Eventually, Tim stopped coming to school. Stopped writing me letters. Stopped returning my pages. Just stopped talking to me. I didn't understand it. What did I do? Eventually, I did get a hold of him. He told me he was sorry for not keeping in touch lately, but that a lot was going on in his life right now. I respected that. So I continued to write to him. Almost every day I would write Tim a letter. I would tell him all about school, and all about my problems. He would occasionally right back, and when he did he was a big help to me. As time passed, my feelings only got stronger for Tim. So I knew what I had to do. I had to tell him. So in one of the last letters I wrote, I confessed all my feeling for him. It was a real hard letter to write, and it took a lot of nerve to send to him. But he never wrote back. I continued to write letter to him, and tried to keep them "friendly" instead of "loving." But it didn't matter. I haven't seen, or heard from him in 2 months. There is 2 months left of school, and I am sure that he'll only show up for his graduation, which I will be at because of my brother. I don't think I'll be able to handle seeing him, and knowing that I never will again. Once he walks through those doors, I have to realize that that will be the last time he does. That that will be that last time I ever see him again. What I want to know is why he stopped talking to me. I want to know what went on in his mind, and why he threw away what we had, if not a relationship, then our friendship. Thanx Sweet Dear Sweet, I can't say for certain what happened but I can make a pretty good guess. Tim is 18 years old, about to graduate high school and perhaps go on to college. While he may care for you very much, right now he needs to experience life, meet new people, date other girls and make the transition from adolescent to adulthood. Even though your current letters to him are more of a friendly nature he is probably reluctant to lead you on and perhaps hurt you more than you have already been hurt. For relationships to work, not only does the "chemistry" have to be right, but the timing has to be right too. Honestly Sweet, the timing isn't really right for you either. This was your first "crush" and first romantic experience. That will always be special but you need to have more life experiences too. Tim might seem like a hard act to follow and perhaps this isn't the best time for you to jump back into a relationship, but you can learn from this experience. Make a conscious effort to meet new people and experience new ideas. High School should prepare you for your own transition from adolescence to adulthood. Enjoy these years while you can Sweet. They are very precious (like you) and will never return. Enjoy the journey. happy(wisheshecouldreturn)shrink
Happy, Did you know that: There are more chickens than people in the world. JeWitch Dear JeWitch, Actually there are more people in the world. Unfortunately, some of those people. look and act like chickens. happy(cluckcluckcluckcluck)shrink
Date: May 19, 2000
Day 18: Liberation! Happy get's his computer back today. (sure do hope it works) Dear Happy, My Grandmother developed a gray streak in her hair when she was about my age. Mine is sort of concentrated in a line. Maybe that's how mine will turn out. I just got my hair cut and it really exposes all the gray. I kind of like it though. I don't think I'll dye it.I told my doctor about my grandmother and she thought that mine was probably genetic. She mentioned, though, that it can be related to auto-immune diseases. That makes sense because my grandmother has arthritis, diabetes and hypothyroidism. Yikes I hope I don't have to deal with that. I keep wondering, though if it could be related to stress somehow. 24 and 30% gray Dear 24 and 30% gray, Genetics can give us a predisposition to many medical conditions including the ones your grandmother suffers from. You can become stressed out just thinking about them and perhaps that can contribute to your hair turning gray.(Just think about how many gray hairs I developed while having my computer in the repair shop for 18 days.) There is something you can do about genetics though. Proper diet, exercise, maintaining a healthy range in your weight and a good sense of humor (or outlook on life) will reduce your chances of getting these conditions. At 24, you should be enjoying the prime of your life and even some gray streaks should not get in the way of that. Maintain a healthy and happy lifestyle and you will never be gray on the inside. happy(100%brunetteontheinside)shrink
Dear Mr. Happyshrink, My 17 year old blind sister downloaded a program that reads to her, and she finally got to hear some of your letters from Edna and JeWitch. she laughed so hard that she hit her head on the desk, and claims to have regained some of her sight, I think she's a lying bitch that will do anything to get attention, but my mom is making me write this thank you...Maybe next time she will knock herself STUPID !! Bart Dear Bart, Stupid is what stupid does is what my Momma always taught me. Hey... this is our very first MIRACLE!!! happy(stepasideOrelRoberts)shrink
Date: May 18, 2000
Day 17 of Lost: Pentium II, 233mhz, answer's to the name, "The computer from Hell." Dear Happy, Please give me some ideas how to relax when I try to take my state license for social work! I have failed 4 times, and I have a mental block, also have a neuro-psycological cognitive disorder, because of a illness as a teenager. I am 47 years old now! I am scared to try again because I am afraid of failing! Please respond! Mary Dear Mary, There is a difference between failing and failure. Everyone fails from time to time; even the most successful people. Failure is when you stop trying. Despite having a cognitive disorder, you have overcome failings in the past to get your Master's Degree. The license exam is just another hill to climb. I can't tell you that you will pass the next time you take the test. I can only suggest that you continue to do what you have been doing for 47 years. Keep trying. As long as you keep trying, you will never be a failure and you will eventually pass the test. As far as relaxing during the exam, I suggest that you have the mindset that you can always take it again. Look at the exam as a learning experience. We learn from our failings Mary. Keep learning and keep trying. Please let me know how you make out. Good Luck! happy(notunfamiliarewithfailing)shrink
Dear Happy, Since I started reading your column I've lost 25 pounds without having to exercise or change my eating habits and I've learned to speak three new languages. Now all I have to do is teach somebody else to speak them, as they aren't Earth languages. JeWitch Dear JeWitch, Klatu barrada nicktoh happy(livinglongandprosper)shrink
Date: May 17, 2000
Day 16 of "Happy willing to take the computer tech to dinner." Hi happy!
gte Dear gte, Everyone gets depressed from time to time. When nothing can snap you out of it (not even Chinese food), that is when it becomes clinical depression. Clinical depression can occur as a result of life situations, or it can occur with no apparent trigger. In some cases, it can be a reaction to earlier trauma and in other cases there can be a family history of clinical depression. There are many reasons for clinical depression and it can also be a combination of reasons. Trichotillomania is an impulse control disorder involving hair pulling or plucking. It is usually accompanied by anxiety and issues of self esteem. This condition can be triggered or made worse by high levels of stress in one's life. The seriousness of this condition can vary in degree and frequency. If you find that the hair pulling interferes with aspects of your life (or whomever you suspect, might suffer from it) you might want seek help with a behavioral therapist. Let me know what you think. happy(willendhisdepressionwhenhegetshiscomputerback)shrink
Mr Happy, Your web page is GREAT ... full of info and some funny stuff too. Today I read that letter from JeWitch about the globe .. your answer was so funny.. .I laughed so hard that I shot milk out of my nose. Weirdest thing .. I haven't drank milk in over 2 years. Mike Dear Mike, Are we talking about your "nose" or are we talking about some other protruding organ? happy(neverhearditcalledanosebefore)shrink
Date: May 16, 2000
Day 15 of "Happy trying to keep one of those stiff upper lips." Dear Happyshrink, I have a problem. My daughter, who is 9 months old, will only ride in the back seat of my car. This was not a problem until last week when I had to leave my car at the mechanics to have a repair done. I called my husband, who came over from work to take us home, and she screamed and screamed and screamed! This is a child who never makes a peep in the car. She usually plays with some toys and then falls asleep. End of subject. We were both so shaken up by the time we got home (it was only a 10 minute ride) that my husband took the rest of the day off. We never really thought about it, but she's never ridden in his car, or anyone else's for that matter. The only other time I had it serviced we didn't have to leave it and so there wasn't a problem. Could she be reacting to the change in cars? What should we do? I know this might seem like a ridiculous question, but it's very important to me to get some answers. Upset Mom Dear Upset Mom, Children can make amazing adaptations to major changes in their routine and yet become very upset at the most subtle of changes. Driving in your husband's car may have not seemed to be significantly different, but it was obviously upsetting to her. As upset as she may have been, those ten minutes in your husbands car were far more traumatic for you and your husband than it was for your daughter. She will get over it, the question is, "Will you?" Nine month olds are going to scream, throw tantrums, have bad days and even be destructive. You and your husband have to be calm in this tornado we call childhood. The more unflappable you become, the more adaptable and easier to deal with your baby will become. That doesn't mean you ignore screaming or temper tantrums, but you do need to put them in prospective. If you can avoid having your daughter ride in your husband's car, that may save some future headaches, but at some point you many need to cope with her anxious and hysterical behavior. All kids go through some periods where they are more difficult to deal with. Just be as patient as you can and realize that "this too shall pass." happy(havingtroubleadjustingtoaPentium90)shrink
Happyshrink Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room, talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books. Bubba Dear Bubba, You don't read because you can't read. Nuff said. Dan Quayle was right. Some minds are really terrible things. happy(losinghismindwhilewaitingforhisputertobefixed)shrink
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