Postings from April 16-30, 2000

Date: April 30, 2000   

Dear Methos,

Please keep me updated on your progress. I will share your experience with others. Perhaps if you are feeling really good, you can contribute an  "upbeat" poem! :-)

happy(whenyou'resmilin)shrink

Dear Happyshrink,

I am currently on 20mg of Paxil. I want to stop taking this medication however, I can't take the side effects of discontinuation, even with gradual decreases. what can I do?

PB

Dear PB,

Obviously, the decreases are not gradual enough. Sometimes it can take several to many months to be weaned off a medication. Speak with your psychiatrist about it. If you were prescribed Paxil by your family physician, ask for a referral to a psychiatrist to help you get off of it. There are many different strategies for going off an SSRI and a psychiatrist would be able to explore these options with you better. Good luck.

happy(ifyouareseeingapsychiatrist)shrink 

Dear cnot,

As always, thanks for your good advice and suggestions. I do want to make it clear to all my readers that I do not encourage the purchase of headless chicken t-shirts or becoming a sponsor for "Headless Chicken Days." Frankly I prefer head to headless.

happy(notgoingtobeeatingchickenforawhile)shrink

Date: April 29, 2000   

Dear happyshrink,

I suffer from bipolar disorder. How do I tell people I have this mental illness.

Anon

Dear Anon,

In many if not most cases, you don't have to tell anyone that you are bipolar. Most of the people you come in contact with on a day to day basis will not necessarily notice your mood changes, nor will they really be affected by them. For those people who you work with more closely or have a friendship with, I think you tell them what you told me, plain and simple. You suffer from bipolar disorder. Many people today know and understand what bipolar disorder is, and you can always offer to explain it to someone that might not have heard of it.

There is still a lot of stigma attached to mental illness anon, but things are much better today than they were 20 years ago. If you can learn to accept your disorder and follow the treatment plan laid out by your psychiatrist, it will be easier to get others to accept you. And frankly, those who have a problem accepting you with your illness, are probably no big loss anyway. No physical or mental illness can destroy character or virtue. Do your best and expect others to do the same. It works for me anon. I hope it will work for you.

happy(learningtoacceptimperfectioninhimselfandothers)shrink

Date: April 28, 2000   

Dear Bee_Balm,

It's harder for some than others. The more you make a conscious effort to interact with people, the easier it will get. It may not feel that way for a while, but it will eventually. Perhaps one thing you can do is "prepare" for interaction. You could make a list of things you might talk about. The way people begin the process of interacting with one another is finding "context." This means a common knowledge, characteristic or experience that you can relate to. Context could be anything from having seen the same movie, to having strong opinions about politics and current events to liking Chinese food (guess which one I use the most to get to know people :-)).

The other thing that will make it easier Bee is building self- confidence. The better you feel about yourself, the more you will realize how much you have to offer others. Getting a good job was a good start. Think of other things you can do to feel better about yourself too. As time goes on, that will also get easier. Keep coming to group too.... and don't be afraid to interrupt St_Theresa when she's babbling like a bimbo (she can't help it and besides, its her best quality ;-)). 

happy(likesBee_balmsandbimbos)shrink

Dear Happyshrink,

Do you have any help with locating how magnitism works or who deals in transcranial magnetic therapy? 

thankyou

GW

Dear GW,

Transcranial magnetic therapy is an experimental procedure for the treatment of depression. I am not totally familiar with it, but I believe that it works in a similar way to electro-convulsive therapy (ECT or Shock therapy as it is sometimes called). The stimulation of certain parts of the brain through electrical current (with causes a magnetic field) has been used to treat severe cases of depression that is resistant to psychoactive drug therapy. If you want to explore this subject further, I suggest you contact a research hospital that is developing this procedure. Good luck and if you find out anything, please write me back and share it with me.

happy(likestoshare)shrink 

Hey Dr. H,

Out of all the holiday characters out there, I gotta say that I always found the Easter Bunny do be the most mysterious. I'll tell you why. When I was a little kid I had to get up every single morning at 5:00 am to milk those stupid cows. My dad would walk pass my bedroom and yell "CORNFED------GET UP----IT'S TIME TO MILK THE COWS!!" Gosh I hated to hear him yell that. I hated that job and I hated him for making me do it. But on Easter , I woke to a different greeting. My dad would yell..."HEY EASTER BUNNY, GET OUT OF HERE... GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE!" Then I heard this great big loud thumping down the hall. Then the front door would open and slam shut with my dad yelling at the Easter Bunny the whole time. You know I never got to see that big-butted Easter Bunny. I think he was about 6 ft tall , half man/half bunny, with bunny whiskers and stuff. He's probably all slow and hops with a cane by now.

Cornfed(whatsthepastoverbunnylooklike?)2000

Dear Cornfed2000,

Try working with schizophrenics. Many of them have seen, heard and talked to the Easter Bunny. They tell me he looks a lot like me. He doesn't hop with a cane but he could lose a little weight.

happy(hoppityhophop)shrink

Date: April 27, 2000   

Hi Dr. H,

I have missed your wacky wisdom these last few days! Speaking of wacky can you please give me some tips on figuring men out? I met a real nice man on Matchmaker several days ago. He asked me some personal questions. Have I been married? Want to be married? Want children? You know these types of questions are not ideal for the cyberspace arena. Nevertheless, I wanted to share my feelings on the subjects and with some preparation on my part I can be a good written communicator. 

At the end of my e-mail response I invited him to tell me something about him that I didn't know. His return response was "What do you want to know?" "I'll tell you anything you want to know." That wasn't the response I wanted to hear. I told him that I wanted to know what he wanted to tell me. You know he still hasn't told me JACK-SHIT! Sheessshhh! I mean do men lack some type of chemical or something? Is this all just male learned behavior stuff? And you know part of me gets peed-off because I've had to learn to express my feelings. Sometimes I force myself to talk in my Monday night group sessions. So I'm thinking ... hey if I've gotta do this stuff then so do you! I mean does he really think I want to know everything there is to know about Cisco routers?

I'm glad your back because I don't have a lot of men I can blame stuff on.

Cornfed(anditsallyourfault)2000

Dear Cornfed2000,

Yes men and women are different. I will enter a plea for all men: GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY! Men really don't like to express their feelings. Ask a woman "How was your day?" and you will get a detailed overview of things that made her happy, sad, amused, angry, secure, insecure, satisfied, dissatisfied, etc. Ask a man the same question and he'll say "It was OK." To a woman, this answer is totally inadequate while most men (except the really intensely sensitive ones like yours truly ;-)) would feel they answered the question honestly and truthfully.

So you have to be a little more directive than just asking "Tell me something about yourself I don't know." Ask him what would be his ideal toy in a crackerjack box, or his favorite aisle in a supermarket. Ask him what he would want to do on a Sunday afternoon with a good friend. I'm sure you can come up with a lot of good questions that he can answer without straining himself too hard.

Lastly Cornfed let me share this bit of Internet humor from JeWitch that might help you and all women to understand men a little bit better:

Dear JeWitch,

If anyone can make fingers taste good, it's the Chinese.

happy(willingtotryMooShuKnuckleswithHoisonSauce)shrink

Date: April 26, 2000   

Dear Happy,

I do not have a problem (at least none that I am aware of or am willing to snatch out of my subconscious at this time), but I am eager to ask one (well actually many) questions of a mental health professional. Being so open to questions, and having provided insightful (pun) answers you have been carefully selected.

I am a student of philosophy, but long before I was a student I was a philosopher. One of the reasons I became interested in philosophy was that I saw, or more accurately felt, that misguided philosophies lead people to unhappiness. I wanted (and still do) to help people find what is good for them, so I studied philosophy in an effort to find some of the causes of unhappiness in this particular area.

I must ask you, as a professional, do you believe that the philosophies of people contribute to their unhappiness? If so, is it something which you see often? Could you provide an (anonymous of course) example? How do you solve an emotional problem if it is philosophical at it's root?

Thank you for being so cool about answering questions on the web.

berkly's baby

Dear berkly's baby,

I agree with your view that philosophy can have a profound affect on the happiness and well being of individuals. I have worked with many people who have struggled with their belief systems. Many of our values are shaped by our parents and teachers while we are growing up. At some point in our human development, we may question these values and even rebel against them. The struggle to find a set of values to live by is one of our great challenges. Some of us succeed better than others. 

The process of psychotherapy is geared to assist people in this struggle. By helping people to examine what they say as well as what they do, the therapist attempts to increase the patient's self awareness and promote a healthy philosophy that is consistent with healthy behavior. It is only through developing self awareness that our philosophies can be used to enrich one's life and not confuse it. Since there is no one philosophy that is right for everyone, the therapist must maintain a neutral and non-judgmental position. That doesn't mean that therapy is without values. It means that the therapist uses the professional values of respect, confidentiality, patience, tolerance and acceptance. 

So after half a century of developing self awareness as well as studying religion, philosophy, psychology, sociology and cooking, I am still struck by the words of two great philosophers:

"That which is unholy to you, do not do unto others."

--Hillel (400BC)

"Take my wife.....please!"

--Henny Youngman (1960AD)

 As long as I keep to these philosophies, I am at one with the cosmos.

happy(nowifIcanjustfindsomegoodfatfreechinesefood)shrink

Dear Happy,

I am Edna's 12 year old niece. Can you tell me what safe sex is? My cousin Andie is trying to explain it to me but I don't understand.

Janie Sue

Dear Janie Sue,

I will do better than explain it. I will show you a picture of it:

By the way.... stay away from Andie and the rest of your cousins.

happy(bettersafethansorry)shrink

Date: April 25, 2000   

Dear Happyshrink,

Date: April 24, 2000   

Hi happyshrink,

my name is not really rufous. Rufus is the type and nickname of the hummingbird inlay I just completed on my guitar. Your response to my letter was pretty amazing. With the sort of insight you showed, you really ought to consider becoming a therapist or something. :)

My x-wife of 20+ years was a therapist. She was damn good, and in the process of becoming damn good, practiced on me, willing or unwilling, aware or unaware (I became very well armored, as you can imagine) when I ceased being a guinea pig, the marriage ceased soon after. My mom majored in psych, I did too, and I have some serious issues that I need help with, in combination with some seriously high (maybe too high, but they are quite real) expectations of what a therapist can offer.

My current therapist (one of the many things you just 'nailed' in your email) has his heart in the right place but is always too many steps behind me.... I use the entire session catching him up on my progress, and then his recommendations lag about a fortnight behind where I am. I have tried slowing down, with disastrous results. Curiously, I find that I have a fairly extensive amount of patience, but find it difficult to accept a slow pace that is not of my own choosing. His cancellations have coincided nicely with my feeling that he has become a crutch rather than a tool, and this is not acceptable.

Due to some extensive emotional abuse as a child, and more than a bit added as an adult, I find that I am often times functioning from a very childlike ego state (yes, you probably recognize Pia Mellody's influence, facing love addiction and codependence have been huge positive resources for me, she cuts the crap out), and this in combination with high levels of success athletically, artistically, musically and as a coach/mentor, I often times am pretty sure that not only am I emotionally retarded (as much as anything else, from swimming, a deprivation tank, 20+ hours a week instead of having friends) but just don't have the skills or techniques to grow up the way I want to. Some of the reading I have done lately has helped, a lot, particularly when there are suggestions on how to manage emotions with intellect. but I need something more. The cognitive (I blank on this, hap) stuff you mentioned really struck a chord. would you be willing to work with me online some? I feel that you have something to offer that I have not felt from any other source lately, and would be interested in working some with you, if you are interested, or even just willing. Please let me know. Thanks. I don't know how I feel about this going on your letters column, a little too close to the real me. you decide, I trust anybody that likes Korean food!!

Sincerely, 

Rufous

Dear Rufous,

There are two ways you can continue to work with me on line. You can continue to write letters that I will continue to post and respond to. I wish I had the time to provide private correspondence to all the people who write me, but I really don't. I do have a "real" job and in order to keep this web page a free service, my time resources are limited.

The second way you can work with me is by coming to the Tuesday night chat room on the Dalnet IRC network. For more details about that, check out my home page. Not only will you get help from me but you will also get help from others who like yourself, love Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese, Indian, Italian, Cajun, French, Mexican and good old American food. We even talk about cognitive stuff. I hope you plan to visit. We can always use a few more good men.

happy(likeUncleSam,wantsYOU)shrink

Dear Happyshrink,

Date: April 23, 2000    HAPPY EASTER

Dear Happy,

I'm currently on Prozac, Wellbutrin and a sleeping pill that is a night time anti-depressant. My normal fix is weed but this last week I have used speed weed and LSD on top of my prescriptions. The speed gave me what I think were normal affects. The LSD on the other hand gave me no visuals yet I experienced a feeling in that everything around me was shaking but I was still, but in actuality I was shaking very hard, at the same time I was relaxed and could see clearly. Why did I not get visuals? Was the combo lethal? ...and if not too severe, do you have any warnings of what not to take w/ my prescription s and or weed? Thank you.

Sincerely,

amber

Dear amber,

Maybe you should be thinking about the safety of taking these drugs before you experiment with them. This is very reckless behavior and extremely dangerous. The fact that you would ask me if the combination of drugs could be lethal indicates to me some suicidal tendencies. While I am not a medical doctor and can not tell you equivocally the dangers of speed and LSD with the drugs you are taking, your need to use them is an indication of some very serious problems beyond your depression.

I would urge you to share this information with your Psychiatrist. I know it's easier to ask an Internet shrink these kinds of questions but if you really want the help you need, you have to go to your "eyeball" shrink. Please get the help you need amber. There are solutions to you problems and they don't include weed, speed or LSD.

happy(wantsambertogethighonlife)shrink

Hi Happy,

I saw a kind, common-sense psychiatrist last week (I had heard so many horror stories about psychiatrists) and am trying out Paxil for both depression and anxiety. It will supposedly take a while to adjust to the side effects, but I have to say that overall I've felt a great sense of relief from the anxiety even in the first few days. I wish I had tried it years ago! I think I've had no basis for judging what was a normal level of anxiety for interacting with people, since I've always felt anxious around people since I was a little kid. I always blamed myself and then forced myself to be involved and interact with people. This past week I answered the phone, talked to neighbors, spoke up in an obnoxious meeting without feeling heart palpitations, went to the park with a neighbor--all without the usual fear-and-loathing I've had of social/group situations.

thanks again for the help--

Peeking out of the hole for the first time

Dear Peeking out of the hole for the first time,

I am very happy that you are getting the help you need and it is working. To be honest, it is never easy to meet new people or to interact in social situations. I think that all but the most superfluous people are shy by nature. What sounds great is that you are dealing with your fears and overcoming them. That's pretty much what  life is all about. Keep peeking. You never know when you are going to see something really special!

happy(peekatatspecialperson)shrink 

Date: April 19, 2000  

Dear happy,

I've been thinking about risk. Several people have said that I'm afraid to take risk . I just didn't feel like I felt fear enough, on a daily basis, to agree that risk was my problem, the reason I have trouble making close friends. I've been reading this book States of Mind: new discoveries about how our brains make us who we are. Chapter 6 talks about how our brains use emotions, specifically fear. In fear there are two pathways that are possible. In one pathway the thalamus sends info to the cortex. By this path the danger is completely understood and a response is made accordingly. In the other pathway, the thalamus sends info to the amygdala. This causes our body to react to a danger signal that isn't completely understood. For example when you put your hand on a hot stove you instantly remove it. You don't remove it because you realize that it's hot and that you can burn yourself, you remove it because it hurts. The book has better examples in it, read it if you have the chance.

Anyway, I think that I avoid meeting people without realizing it. I rarely make the conscious decision that I'm not going to talk to someone because I'm afraid or embarrassed or not good enough. I just turn my head when I'm in the elevator or bury my face in a book when I'm in a waiting room because it's more comfortable. So I guess the trick, now, is to make myself recognize when I feel uncomfortable so that I can put myself in those situations more and get used to it. I realize you probably already know this, but it seemed so clear when I read this chapter that I just had to write it down and tell you.

Thanks

Bee_Balm

Dear Bee_Balm,

This is a very powerful insight and one that can help you. The next step isn't so easy, but at least you know what you have to do. To some extent your participation in the chat group was an effort to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation and force yourself to interact with others. Sometimes it was a bumpy road with either you not understanding some of the people there, or their not understanding you. But as time went on, you comfort level increased and so did the sense of belonging. 

While the chat room still remains a good place to exercise your conversation skills, the big challenge is to overcome your fears in the outside world. In all probability the same things will happen. Some people will understand you and some won't. Some people will like you and some won't. But the important thing is realizing that the hot stove may be a lot cooler than you think.

happy(goingtorelatetotheoutsideworldforthenextthreedays)shrink 

Date: April 18, 2000  

Dear Happyshrink, 

I am currently miserable. My boyfriend, who I still love very much broke up with me nearly two months ago. I was upset, but not devastated by his choice because we had been having problems for a while and had tried, unsuccessfully to start over. We both made it very clear that we still wanted each other in our lives and that we would always love each other and be best friends. I asked him to please not date anyone for a while and he promised me that that was the last thing on his mind. A few weeks after that my period was late, and I was concerned that I might be pregnant. I bought an over the counter test and it turned up negative but I was still concerned. So, I made up my mind that I had to tell him about it. He called me that night and told me that he had been dating my best friend since the day after we had broken up. I felt the bottom fall out of my world, here I was in the position where I needed him the most, and he had broken the only promise I had ever asked him to make. Well, I felt that I still needed to tell him about my concern, I did and he decided that he would come up that weekend to go to the doctor with me. While here, we talked very seriously, I was concerned that the tests I was taking kept coming up negative but yet my period was nearly two weeks late, I was worried that perhaps something very serious was wrong with me.

 He told me about the worst incident of his life and I held him while we both cried. We fell asleep that night in each others arms. I never thought that we would get back together, but I thought maybe if we could be good friends that I would be alright. The nest night, Sarah, his new girlfriend, and my best friend called. I broke down crying that she would call my house looking for him, I didn't understand how she could do that without it being really really insensitive to me. 

Sarah and I had been rather estranged since she had failed to defend me when I was accused of cheating on Mike with a mutual friend. Both he and I had told her the truth of what happened on the night in question. Yet a year later, when he told a completely different story to my boyfriend, she failed to defend me even when my boyfriend had asked her what she knew. When I questioned her about this she told me that she hadn't wanted to take sides. I told her that I couldn't understand how it was taking sides to just tell Mike what both of us had told her about the night in question. She told me that she really couldn't understand why I was getting so upset about it but that she didn't want to lose my friendship over it. Finally Mike decided that he didn't really believe the lies about the situation and we were all able to move on. After that point I had tried my hardest to be nice to Sarah. I had sent a card to her sister, who was in the hospital and I had sent Sarah a package at school. Sarah talked to me once briefly about her sisters condition but never mentioned or thanked me for the package, still I counted her as my friend. I thought perhaps the fact that she and Mike were down at school in North Carolina and that I was at home trying to maintain contact with them over them computer was causing strain on both relationships.

After Mike got off the phone with Sarah he was furious. He couldn't understand why she had been so insensitive to me. He was so upset he felt he had to leave my house and get away from everyone. I was scared to let him go off driving because he was so upset he was shaking so I gave him my sisters cell phone and directions to a bar near my house. He finally came back calmed down and told me that he would talk to her about it when he got back. We spent the whole night talking again.

That Wednesday I got an email forwarded from someone else at school, it was from Sarah to me, but had accidentally been sent to someone with a similar address. The guy who had gotten it by mistake had sent it on to me. It was a warning. Sarah told me that she didn't want me to have any part in Mike's life, that she didn't want me coming to his upcoming graduation and that she didn't want me to talk to him anymore. She knew I was coming down that weekend to pick up some of my stuff and said that it would be ok for me to talk to Mike then because otherwise he would become suspicious.

But she didn't stop there, she told me that she had never liked me, that she had spent a year and a half pretending to be my best friend so that she could get Mike from me. She told me all the little things that she had done along the way to sabotage our relationship. Everything from convincing me that Mike's best friend hated me so that I would have problems with Mike spending time with him to intentionally lying to Mike instead of defending me when I was accused of cheating. She said that she knew it had hurt my feelings that she had called my house but that she had been so jealous of his coming to see me that she felt she had to remind him of her presence.

And still, it didn't stop there. She listed a number of people names and their secrets and threatened to let it all out if I told Mike about the letter. I had been "best friends" with this girl for a year and a half and had told her a number of things I was told in confidence in order to get her help with situations I didn't feel I could handle on my own. I never thought that it would cause problems because she barely even knew who any of the people were. I don't know if she took notes the whole time to use against me when the time came, but she certainly was thorough. The list included nearly everyone I had been friends with in college and even members of my family. At the end of the letter she told me that if anyone ever confronted her about the letter that she would remind them that I had at one point known her email password and that I could have sent the thing to myself. She mentioned that she had made sure to divulge no more information than I could possibly know so that it could not be pinned on her. 

I felt hopeless, and blamed myself a lot for ever trusting her. I couldn't sleep the rest of that week worrying about it. In addition to that I had come down with viral gastritis and was so sick I couldn't hold any solid foods down. I worried all week about what to do, I felt like I needed to protect Mike from her and I also wanted to let him know how she had treated me.

By the time that weekend came around I had decided that I must tell him. I hoped that I could trust him not to repeat it to her. I talked it over with a few of my friends, careful not to give too many details because they themselves were on her blackmail list. Mike and I went out to lunch, after a few minutes of polite conversation I pulled the letter out of my purse and handed it to him. I covered my face and cried quietly while he read it. When he was done he was shaking again he was so upset. I apologized for having to show it to him and he kept saying that I had done the right thing and that it was not my fault. I made him promise that he could never tell Sarah about it because I could not risk hurting the innocent people on her list.

As I dropped him off at his dorm he told me that he didn't know what he was going to do and that he needed some time to think about it. He told me he wasn't mad at me, he loved me and that I had done the right thing and he promised me that he would eventually get in touch with me. That was nearly a month ago.

I am still sick. My doctor could not figure out what was wrong with me, and last week sent me to a radiologist. Two days before the appointment I emailed Mike to tell him about it. He is a biology major whose mother is a nurse and in the past whenever I was sick he wanted to hear about it and could always talk me through what was going to happen enough to make me feel better about it. I told him in the email that it was okay if he wasn't ready to resolve all of his feelings but that I just wanted a chance to talk to him about this. He never responded.

So now I feel horrible. I am sick and I have lost my two best friends to turn to about it. I really want to call him up and ask him what's going on, but I know it's not fair to push him. I don't even know if they are still together or not. I am worried that she may somehow have poisoned him against me and that I will never hear from him again. I know he needs time, but I need answers. I feel like I am ending a friendship (actually two) and that I don't have any closure. I want to know if he still wants me to come to his graduation, I need to cancel my reservations if not. My friend Kim and I have sort of decided that I can call him next week and at least ask about graduation since I need to know soon about that to take off work. 

I am worried that I will pressure him, but at the same time I feel like I deserve a say in all this. I feel like he has a right to know how much his silence is hurting my feelings. I am also concerned about the effect this is having on my health. I feel like I stand no chance of getting over this emotionally, every day I have to put all my effort into distracting myself from what is going on, and it's starting to not work anymore. Everyday the pain seems to get worse and worse, and I don't know how to feel better. I talk to a number of friends about it and they have all been wonderfully supportive, but nothing seems to feel better. I just don't know what to do. I wish I could confront Sarah, but I see no reason to believe that she wouldn't go out and do the horrible things she has threatened to do. I don't know how to resolve my feelings about Mike, I still love him so it is very hard to not ever hear from him. At the same time it is hard to be mad at him about this situation when he is as much a victim as I am. 

I just worry that I am never going to feel better if I can't tell him how I feel. I am hoping that after a month it will be okay for me to talk to him and try to resolve this. I know I can't put a limit on how much time he will need to get over his pain. But I feel like I have to try and put an end to some of mine. I have been suffering from depression for the past few years and am currently taking Prozac.

ME

Dear ME,

Clearly your ex-best friend is a very disturbed and manipulative person. Your ex-boy friend's choice to get involved with her doesn't speak well of him either. What is important for you to understand is that it is very difficult if not impossible for people who were intimate to remain friends after breaking up. Your expectation that your ex-boyfriend can remain a support system in your life is something that continues to make you feel unhappy and victimized. It's time for you to move on to new friends and new relationships. 

Things will not get better until you stop thinking about the past and start looking forward ME. The hurt may take time to go away but the wound can't heal if you keep picking at it. Find new friends who can earn your trust and loyalty. I know that this is easier said than done, but your condition will continue to feel hopeless as long as you continue to pursue a hopeless path. Find a new one ME. There are many paths to choose from.

happy(pavingnewroadsonthehightwayoflife)shrink

Dear JeWitch,

Did you know that most people who live in LA don't know that "LA" stands for Los Angeles? Must be all that blond hair.

And another thing.... If they built a new airport in LA and called it by the same name as the old airport, would the old airport become EX-LAX?

happy(runningtothebathroomtobeinghisownLALAland)shrink

Date: April 17, 2000  

Dear Happy ,

I am a 20 year old guy . I feel as if I am just too tired of my life to continue.

I feel that I have an unattractive personality. I am too shy too be sociable. I have a very small friendship circle (in my college) and that too on a superficial level. That is I cannot talk to them about my personal problems. I have desires like others to have girlfriends and enjoy life but I am just stuck with my life and I am trapped in a kind of virtual prison.

I am a very sensitive person. In fact I think I am too sensitive for my own good . I think that some of my problems can be attributed to my childhood. I was a bright kid and I used to top the class. Also I used to play with a lot of kids near my home. On a certain day I had a huge fight with one of them and all the guys in my circle took his side and almost ostracized me. They stopped speaking to me. After that I programmed myself to give in to people for fear of rejection. As a result now I have become a sort of dumb guy who acts very accommodating to people while I actually feel very bad about the way some people behave with me.

The only positive thing in my life is that I am studying in a decent college and I could make a decent career out of my education. But I feel very lonely and depressed. I do not have any close friends or girlfriend with whom I can freely share my views. I hate social gatherings as I feel very uncomfortable. I don't even get out of my house after I come back from college.

Every night when I sleep I wish not to wake up the next morning because I just feel more and more frustrated as the days go on. I thought about seeing a therapist but I do not know how to go about it and I feel very uncomfortable about the idea. Sorry for such a long letter !! I need all the help I can get.

unom

Dear unom,

It sounds to me that you have very good insight into some of your problems. If you could share this much with me, just think what you could do seeing a therapist face to face over a period of time. I would urge you to seek help unom. Your college may have a counseling department or may be able to refer you. Just as your studies are a time of discovery and learning, so should social activities. 

I know it's scary. It's scary for me too when I meet new people. It's not going to feel better unless you take some risks and try. Your first risk could be seeking help. It's a good risk unom. Please take that chance. If you want to continue to talk to me about out, feel free to continue writing me. You know some of the most interesting people who have written me are shy people.

happy(ratherbeshythanshallow)shrink

Dear Happy,

Dear Methos,

It's OK. Your best is good enough for me.

happy(emailtoemail)shrink

Date: April 16, 2000  

Dear cnot,

It's not psychic phenomenon that gave you that premonition. You have had enough experience with your daughter to know that something like that could happen. I think all of us are superstitious to a greater or lesser extent, but it's not your fear that made your daughter pregnant. It was her "jerk boyfriend" and her poor judgment. I really do appreciate the terrible burden that you live with and I understand that you can't just turn away from it. I am thankful for one thing though cnot. You are a very strong and devoted mom not to mention a great member of the chat group. You will get over this as you have gotten over other curves that life has thrown at you. Live long and prosper.

happy(yourvulcanbuddy)shrink

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