Letters April 1 -15, 2000

Are you really a shrink. I have two shrinks; one for therapy and one for medication. I have bee depressed for 3 years and I have been on at least 20 different meds including MAO's. I also had 5 shock treatments but quit because I was terrified about not waking up. I feel very HOPELESS because nothing has helped me very much. I used to be a high functioning productive person. I have to force myself out of bed in the morning. I do work p/t doing demo work in markets cooking simple food or giving out coupons. I would appreciate any feedback you can give me. Thanks.

I am a therapy shrink and not a psychiatrist. I am familiar with medications for depression and all I can suggest is to keep working with both shrinks. Sometimes it takes years to find the right combinations of medications that will work for someone. If you feel you need to do more, you might want to find a hospital that has a large psychiatric department and does research on depression. New medications are being developed all the time. You might also want to contact the Mental Health Association in your area to find a support group. Some of the best ideas are from people who are going through the same thing you are going through. Please feel free to write again and also post on the Tawk Amongst Yourselves bulletin boards. There are a lot of good people who read those boards and also suffer from depression.

Well, that was certainly more than I expected, I think I'll try it. funny thing is, I feel better already. and THAT, is FUNNY!!!!!!

I think I have bad brains. About the best I can do lately is to pay lots of money to a therapist that tells me to slow down (so he can schedule me more, I think) and then wonder why I am so broke all the time. It is depressing. When I get depressed I have to resort to healthy food, as I need to avoid all other possible addictions, including sex, and I miss cookies and ice cream and junk food. this drives me to drink water, as I have to avoid caffeine (addiction) and alcohol (addiction and arthritis). healthy food is very expensive, and then I get depressed about being broke.

I spend a lot of time in vicious, self destructive cycles. I have been involved in several co-dependant relationships, but my partners (x partners ??) say I am never there for them, or something. I don't listen so well, as sometimes they say things that hurt, and I never guess right. Now I am reading a book that suggests I may need to grow up and get my shit together before I am ready for a relationship, or sex.

What am I to do?? If I break one more addiction, I will have no more cycles left, that's for sure, but won't have anything to do, either, not even feel depressed.

I need to laugh, for sure, but nothing is funny. Could you please send me the secret to eternal happiness and a good yuk or two? thanks!!

I have searched for many things in my life including happiness. Sometimes I found it. Sometimes I lost it. Sometimes I forgot what it really was, but I do know this. Happiness is never eternal. Life is a balance of joy, sadness and a little bit of indifference mixed in. Finding fulfillment in life is complex, but it basically involves the following things:

I don't know what kind of therapist you see and I don't know if you are getting the help you need. I would suggest you look into Cognitive Behavioral Treatment (CBT). This approach to your situation helps to develop concrete psychosocial skills through doing a variety of cognitive exercises. It may not bring you eternal happiness, but it may help you to budget your money better, have better relations with people and reduce the cycle of self destructiveness. Ask your therapist or a contact the Mental Health Association in your area to find out about therapists and programs that offer this treatment. Good luck and let me know if you there any good Chinese restaurants in your area.

Yesterday Edna was cleaning Rusty's room and in the closet she found a bondage S&M magazine. She was FREAKING OUT by the time I got to her house. For some UNKNOWN reason, this was very upsetting for her.

She didn't tell me on the phone what was wrong, she just said "GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW, I have something I have to show you. I could tell she was ready to CRACK. So, when I got there she showed it to me. I looked at it and handed it back to her with out saying a word.

She YELLS, "WELL WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT THIS ?" Not being that GREAT a parent myself, I just looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should SPANK him." That was MY only advice.

Your advice was sound and rational. Please tell Edna to send the magazine to me so that Reverend Al and I can research this awful problem and give her additional advice. As you know, I am against corporal punishment but a little spanking every now and then doesn't hurt too much.

Dreaming is normal and occurs during the lightest stage of sleep which occurs just before waking up. The dream my be very detailed and seem to be lengthy in duration, however in actual time, even the most complex dream occurs over a period of a few seconds. While everyone dreams, some people remember their dreams more than others. Those people who have difficulty sleeping through the night and wake up several times will have more dreams than the person whose sleep is continuous.

I don't think your medication change is the direct cause for making you dream more, but it may cause sleep disturbances that affect the amount of restful sleep you get each night. Stress can also be a factor. Talk to your psychiatrist about your sleep. Perhaps you may need to slow down the process of getting off Paxil.

I am feeling desperate! I don't want to raise my relative's daughter anymore - I have my own family. (Me, My husband and our two children 8 and 5 years old ) Her parents don't want her back though, and she doesn't want to go back - and I can't blame her. But, this was supposed to be temporary and I want MY little family back!! This is getting more and more difficult for me because I am feeling USED by them. I feel like we are stuck in this situation. Our niece and her family problems take up SO much time and attention. I feel so sorry for our own little children. They never asked for this. PLEASE explain to me WHY my brother-in-law behaves the way he does. I need to understand him! It might help me to be more understanding and not feel so angry. Thanks again.

T*****

Dear T*****

I don't blame you for feeling desperate, used and angry. Understanding the family dynamics won't change the situation though. If you don't want to raise your relative's daughter, you need to speak to her parents about making alternative arrangements. If they are not willing to do that, you can ask Child Protective Services to intervene. If necessary, they will put this girl in foster care or a group home. This may not be the best thing for the girl, but you have to decide what is the lesser of two evils. I realize that this is a terrible situation to be put into but only you and your husband can find a way to get out of it.

Dear Mr. Happyshrink,

We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore.

They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim.

At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts.

My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night - Early Birds. Some of the people can't get past the man in the doll house to go out. So the ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck.

My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren."

When people get old they may become a little forgetful, they may walk a little slower and they may not see or hear too well. But they are still very valuable, especially to their grandchildren. They are now enjoying their Autumn years without the worries of raising children, paying bills or earning a living.

Young children and old people have a lot in common. Neither can do all the things they want to do, and they both have some annoying family member telling them how they should behave. While children rebel until they are all grown up, old people fight less as they get older. Maybe they know something we don't know.

Dear Happy,

I know what part of my problem is. To much time doing little while I get better and not working and so I am dwelling on things more. Shortly after we married my husband and I found out that any children would have a more then 50 percent chance of having the same genetic disease I do, so causing, amongst other things, kidney cancer, brain tumours and eye tumours. We decided together not to have children because of this. That was about 8 years ago.

The problem is I'm letting other peoples opinions on childless couples really get to me. Normally I wouldn't worry about the opinions of others. Its not even that friends or family are being critical. It's people I hardly know, people in chat or even letters or articles in newspapers that say " You don't have kids so you wouldn't understand" or "people who don't have kids are selfish " . Also I'm so resentful of people who are lucky enough to have children and then mistreat them. I'm not usually a resentful person. I'm letting this sort of thing hurt far to much. How can I not let this sort of stuff hurt so? I'm not normally like this, just about this one issue. Maybe its partly because my husband and I have dedicated our careers to teaching kids? Its not even that I was ever one of those people who all they wanted was to grow up and become a Mum. I just expected it would happen.

Don't know if its relevant but adoption is very rare in this country and imposable for people with my sort of illness.

Dear R,

Having children is not an act of generosity. Making sacrifices and caring for and about children is where the generosity comes in. As a teacher you care for and about children. The time you spend with them may be equal to or even greater than their own parents. Those that would say you don't understand because you are not a parent, are people who are often afraid to face the truth about themselves. An unfortunate disease made you and your husband have to face an awful truth and the two of you made a thoughtful, unselfish and caring decision. You could try to explain that to some of the people who think it's "selfish" but they probably wouldn't understand.

happy(Iunderstand)shrink

Due to bad weather in the Northeast, happyshrink will not be posting any letters today. Happy will be back on Tuesday with new letters.

I have a response to the person who wrote about the high school with no windows. Where I lived, they built a high school that also had no windows. The reason was that because of the area, the windows in the old school kept getting broken and people would break in and vandalize the school. I think that it is a response to a couple of things. We are becoming a more physical society and it seems that the new video games, sports and pastimes of our teenage population and the new "extreme" way of thinking lends itself to more destruction. And maybe looking out into the world needs to be replaced with focusing on the here and the now with a few less distractions. I am certainly not saying that students who may live in these situations are less deserving of their freedom, and firmly believe that if you take away from one source, you must be creative and replace with another. I would hope that the teachers and staff in the school that was described could brainstorm about positive and mutually beneficial solutions to the window problem.

I agree with you that a lot of schools have become like prisons because of the threat of violence and the tragedies that have occurred throughout in our society. Perhaps it is necessary to increase security in our schools, but it is not without consequences. I would be interested to know how teachers, can create an atmosphere of learning in such an environment. I would like to invite educators to comment further.

Me and Enid was wondering what you do for excitement on a Saturday nite? We was hopin' that you did what we do -

2. Drink us a 6 pack of beer, then go shoot the bottles cross the street from the mayor's house in that empty lot.

3. Sneak into the drive in movee (hopefully without getting racked on the fence)

5. Play "rattler" catch after downing a case of beer. (Enid's got a deadly arm but she always aims a little low)

Here in the big city, we are more sophisticated and entertain ourselves by eating out in a nice restaurant, going to the theatre, ballet or opera and then getting plastered!

Dear Happyshrink,

I have a relative who has 5 children. None of his children are living with him right now - in fact, my husband and I are raising his 16 year old daughter. The other children are living with other family members. This relative of ours seems to hate his children! He is very emotionally abusive and a sometimes physically abusive to them. CPS (child protective services) has been involved many times and the kids don't want to be around him. They are afraid of him.

T*****

Dear T*****,

I don't know your relative to assess his mental state or know what motivates him. I can tell you about abusers in general though. The vast majority of them were abused themselves by parents, or other family members. As children, some of them got the message that love was expressed through violence. Now this may seem totally irrational to you and I because it is kind of crazy. But to a young child who is looking for love and nurturing and gets a beating back instead, it is sometimes easier to interpret the beatings as acts of love.

In addition, the person's self image is usually very poor. He may be nice to animals and old ladies as a way of compensating for his own self loathing. However, this inner self hatred comes out every now and then in the form of abuse. The abuse is often directed towards a loved one like a spouse or child. After having perpetrated the abuse there may be remorse, attempts to make amends and a period of calm. However, the cycle of abuse repeats itself over and over again.

Frankly T*****, understanding why your relative is the way he is won't change the situation. It is better that the kids are away from him. Their protection is more important than his chances of getting better. The kids probably need some help in dealing with their earlier trauma and their feelings of rejection. Perhaps someone at Child Protective Services can arrange for them to get some counseling. You and your family might need counseling too in order to cope with the upheaval. Always remember T*****, abuse is more than a shame. It's a crime. Don't hesitate to blow the whistle on your relative or any abuser. The victim is the one that needs our compassion and understanding.

happy(notverytolerantofabusers)shrink

Dear Happy,

If I died and returned as an animal, what would I look like?

JeWitch

Dear JeWitch,

You might look like this:

'nuff said.

happy(flippingthebirdandgettingouttahere)shrink

Pardon my seriousness but, is there any research on the mental health pros and cons of office cubicles? My boss is leaning toward restructuring our office space into cubicles, I believe in an attempt to enhance our sense of camaraderie and improve our communication. However, cubicles may provide a little more "communication" than we really want; I.e., distracting noise from others.

Before we make the leap, I'd like to know what others have experienced in a similar situation. Was the change to cubicles a positive one?

There are Industrial Psychologists who study things like the environmental effects of the work place. You might want to call a University in your area that has a Psychology Department with Industrial Psychology as one of the areas of concentration. While I don't know of any research on office cubicles, I don't think it improves communication among staff. This is my own personal (and not professional) opinion, but cubicles make workers feel like bees in a honeycomb. It lowers creativity and independent thinking.

If your boss wants to do something to improve communication and camaraderie among staff, he might want to have more meetings that enhance communication. Perhaps one topic of discussion would be getting input from the staff on how the office can be configured better to be more efficient and "user friendly." This kind of input would empower staff and make them feel like they are being listened to. I invite others to give their opinions on cubicles and communication in the work place so keep checking the page for other suggestions.

Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't crappy enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them.

I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, "Could you throw this away for me? Thank You."

JeWitch

Dear JeWitch,

Too bad we can't do that to junk emailers! I would especially like to send my most offensive garbage to those slime balls that email me on how I can receive a diploma from a "prestigious, non-accredited university." Talk about an oxymoron!

happy(AlumniofPeckerDeckerUniversity)shrink

I am a teacher at a large high school without windows in the classroom. My students often seem very sluggish. I know that is somewhat normal for teens but am concerned that we get no sunlight in our classrooms. Several years ago I read about the need for people to have an adequate amount of sunlight. I believe there was a light one could purchase to give oneself more exposure. Would it be beneficial for me and my students if I were to purchase and use such a light in my classroom. Where do I go to find such a light?

I am not familiar with studies on the affects of long periods of no sunlight on teenagers or any age group for that matter. I would think that lack of sunlight could contribute to sluggishness. What intrigues me is that you work in a high school that no windows. Sluggishness may be the least of the kids' problems. That really sounds to me like an oppressive environment. Learning needs to occur in an atmosphere where kids feel free enough to open their minds and explore new ideas. There is a concrete as well as symbolic need to be able to look beyond their classrooms. If any of the students are phobic, anxious or depressed, they could also be adversely affected by such an environment. I would certainly raise your concerns to the powers that be in your community. Is there any data on how well your students perform academically compared with other schools in your community that do have windows? It may be time to pressure your local government to deal with this issue and perhaps build a new school. Let me know what you think and what you are doing about it.

My family and I were sitting around the kitchen table, peacefully enjoying our home cooked meal, when out of no where came this god awful noise that seemed to start somewhere in the far badroom, oops, Freudian slip, I mean bedroom. It sounded like books and papers and all sorts of other things were being thrown about, and crashing on the floor. No problem, we just kept eating. Then, all of a sudden, we heard the loud pounding of little feet getting closer and closer. It kind of sounded like a stampede. we couldn't determine which direction is was coming from , we just knew it was getting closer, and CLOSER. Now you have to realize that most of our house is carpeted, all of it except the bathrooms and the kitchen. Yes, you see the kitchen is a nice slick tile, really quite fun if you happen to spill something on it.

Sorry, I'll get back to the story. Any way, the noise is coming, louder and closer, when out of the corner of my eye I see two fur balls racing toward us at amazing speed. Each of them trying to out run the other, with only one mission on there mind, "GET TO THE FOOD BEFORE THE OTHER ONE DOES". Well both of them were neck and neck and doing quite well actually, but I don't think either of them thought about having to cross the kitchen. Both of them hit that tile at the same time, and yes, both of them went flying. There is nothing like watching two cats trying to claw at a tile floor for footing, and failing horribly. It was not a pretty sight, nor was watching my daughter spew her drink out her nose because she was laughing so hard.

But did the fun stop there, you might ask. NO. You see in order to get to the food, both cats must cross a long stretch of tile and then make it through "A" cat door. I say "A", because cat doors are usually only made for one cat, at least one cat at a time. Unfortunately, neither one of these cats has ever read the book on "The Cat Law of Physics", otherwise they may have stopped before trying to do this ill fated deed. But, no, these cats dared to attempt the head first, two cat entry and well, what can I say. It didn't work. We heard them hit, and we turned to stare. All you could see were two grey cat butts,tails, and back feet scratching frantically to force themselves through. Kind of reminded me of Pooh getting stuck in Rabbit's hole. Why all this story you may ask, I'll tell you. Since you're the guy people come to for problems, I thought maybe you could solve this one. How do you get two fat cats, stuck in a cat door built for one medium sized cat, out, when neither one of them wants the other, to get loose FIRST!!!!

Every time an occasion comes up where I will have to either meet new people or attend a social gathering, I do something to sabotage it. I will start fights, be sick, or do whatever I have to in order to not go. I also do these things so that I can have a reason to be sad and cry. But I never just tell the truth - like "I'm afraid that these people won't like me." or "I don't think I have anything interesting to say and they will think I'm stupid." or "I'm afraid that someone will like me a little too much in the wrong way." I don't trust that people will see me for who I am, and that just makes me not want to meet them so that no one is disappointed.

I'm not very happy this way though, but I'm also afraid. I'm just very angry with myself for being so dishonest all the time and sad that I'm not going to get to have any fun. Do you have any suggestions for me about how I can take a step towards being more social?

Usually when someone sabotages social situations, it is a learned response to earlier experiences. I would guess that early social contact either resulted in rejection or your being taken advantage of. If this is the case antisocial, you might need to see a therapist. Therapy can help you in two ways. It can help you to deal with an early traumatic experience, and it can also help you to feel more self confident in social situations.

Lastly antisocial, I want you to know that everyone except the shallowest and most simple minded people fear rejection. Everyone wants to be liked and new situations can create anxiety for anyone. It's how you deal with the anxiety that can make a difference. Don't let it fear control your life antisocial. Get the help you need and start enjoying life.

Dear Happy,

I finally took your advise and went to see a psychiatrist. I went there, laid on the couch, spilled my guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make me feel better. The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.

Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."

NOT GOING BACK !!

JeWitch

Dear JeWitch,

You have obviously gone to an inferior psychiatrist. Is that the guy in Orlando Florida that offers a free Jiffy Lube with an initial consultation? He obviously knows nothing about psychotherapy. Losers like you can have good self-esteem. Seek a second opinion. (And I don't mean, "you're also a bitch!")

happy(someofmybestfriendsarelosers)shrink

I have to give a persuasive speech and I am thinking about doing it on why laughter is a good medicine or something along those lines. Do you have any resources, quotes, or interesting data that I may be able to use in my speech? Thanks for your help.

The demands of work, family and relationships in today's world have increased the levels of stress that most people experience. Many studies have shown that stress can cause a variety of medical problems including heart attack, stroke, gastro- intestinal disorders, muscular problems, etc. Over the past twenty years, books, workshops and seminars have helped millions of people reduce stress through relaxation techniques, exercise, diet and time management. Humor has not been a part of this equation despite the fact that studies have identified laughter as one of the best ways to reduce stress. In addition, it is a wonderful antidote for depression and anxiety.

When we feel overwhelmed, inadequate, unappreciated, unwanted and unsuccessful, humor is what puts life in proper prospective. I don't have any data or resources for you, but I'm sure if you surf the Internet, you will come up with something. Good luck.

Now that Bill Gates has lost 12 billion dollars and only has 70 billion left, what is he going to do?

I can't speak for Mr. Gates but I am sure he will do what any savvy businessman does during hard times. He will do some belt tightening and live within his means. Here is my top ten list of ways that Bill Gates will try to save money:

8- Move Stockholder's annual meeting from the America West Arena to Big Eddie's Tits and more.

2- Use Cape Coupons and Orlando Coupons on his next trips to Massachusettes and Florida.

I am afraid I am another about to write. I am a twenty year old male living in the United States, in a room of a house somewhere along a beach I never get to see. I have a serious personality disorder, identity crisis, and maybe even as I've heard descriptions and comments exquisofrenia symptoms. I have always cried alone my loneliness. I was never able to communicate with the world perhaps for laziness and desire to be quiet. I remember my tears ever since I can remember seeing the world. I am tired. Extremely tired of being what I am. Today I live away from my family, I always desired to leave them, not for disliking them at all, but to separate their reality from mine, being so different from them.

I feel as if I had lived an entire life in this situation, and it feels nearly insane to put myself through another twenty, thirty years more of this. I show to my family and people I know how much it is wonderful, perhaps to hide my disappointments. I am an enthusiast, I'm happy to finally get in college since I dropped High school, but now got my GED and am here "full with dreams and desire". But it is all a cover, a disguise that puts away, at least from the outside all my fears and dead hopes. I am tired. Extremely tired.

I read a book a while ago that talked of narcissism, I identified myself in many places. I searched myself in many others, exquizofrenics, insane, insensitives, wherever I saw dysfunction my eyes fell upon, I suppose I searched for a word, or a name that described who I was. Something that would in the least be able to live with, since these questions become more and more unbearable.

I say I am tired because I am young and feel I have nothing to live for. It is sad for me to think so since all I ever talked about was meanings for life. I love theater, drama and arts, I enjoy philosophy and history, yet I know nothing of none of this. I am just a world of words, meaningless and pointless. And pointless everything is becoming, more and more. It's extremely complicated for me to allow myself to say these things. They sound conventional, common, and it makes me feel even worse to assume that in truth what has been destroying me is nothing but this old historic lady qualities. That is why I have never searched help, besides reading. I fear two things more than anything. To live my life fighting against these birth or life generated problems just to find out when I'm old grouchy and lonely that it was all in vain. Or to see soon that it is all a true disease or problem that I am able to understand but never capable of solving. I didn't want my life to be pointless, I fear these empty days and I search from time to time, the high suffering periods to change and improve.

I left my country a couple years ago, than I left the place I was and went to college, I try to fight this inconsistency of my life but it has been causing an even greater problem, an even greater inconsistency. I too have a problem that every time I start talking about this, whenever I am sincere as I started out being here today a strong cold in my stomach rises, fear becomes great and I stop, I say it is all stupid, and I should never even talk about these things, they are my problems and I should deal with them. So I am not gonna continue although initially I had in mind thousands of things to say, I am gonna hit the send button before I delete this message... I am sorry if I have extended myself and if you have taken the time to read it I thank you...

I have never heard of exquisophrenia and have not found it in any of my reference books. I have known people who are consumed by fear and overwhelmed at life. That is not rare or unusual. Life is difficult and overwhelming. Being one small person in a world of over 4 billion and in a universe that is too vast to even imagine can become very paralyzing when you are trying to find meaning. Perhaps you are looking in places too far away for happiness. The truly wonderful things in life may be right at your doorstep Lj.

While the journey may have started for you 20 years ago and you are a little lost right now, I do think you can get back on the right road with a little help from a counselor or therapist. I urge you to seek help Lj. There used to be a popular saying when I was your age. "Life is a mystery to be explored, not a problem to be solved." Please get the help you need to explore this wonderful and sometimes perplexing mystery we call life.

If you ever feel bold enough to press the "send" button again, please feel free to do so at askhappy@hqppyshrink.com.

'Bout once or twice a year Bubba gets his ass thrown in jail ... it happened again .. the USUAL WAY. He can be a real jerk, but I miss him --some. When he isn’t doing jail time or hanging out with his biker buddies, he is an o.k. boyfriend. Sure, he sometimes told me that I was fat and ugly and couldn’t catch another man if he turned me loose naked in a prison yard, but maybe that is just his way of telling me he loved me. We have our good times--like when he puts me and the kids in the trunk of the old Plymouth and we’d all go to the drive-in. And then there’s all those times he took us out to Big Eddie’s Tits and More for pizza. He isn’t all that bad if you consider some of that. But till he gets out ... I AM A FREE WOMAN .... YIPPEE !!!

You could probably find a better boyfriend if you were turned loose naked in a prison yard. Have a good time while he's "indisposed."

Dear Happy,

I am having several medical problems and was told my my family doctor that it's due to stress. Could this be true? And if so, what can I do to alleviate this problem. My symptoms include: I have lost hair by my temples. I starting breaking out on my face (which rarely happens), I feel like I constantly need to urinate even if I just did and when in the process I feel like I need to continue even though I don't. Please let me know what I need to do.

I am not a medical doctor and since I don't know what testing your doctor has done to determine that your symptoms are stress related, it would be difficult for me to comment on your doctor's conclusions. Stress can cause a variety of symptoms including the ones you have. If you think that there could also be a medical reason, you might want to get a second opinion. If there is no physical basis for your symptoms, and it appears that stress is the cause, then there are a few things you should consider.

I would try to identify what kinds of stress exist in your life. It may be obvious, or it could be something you are not even consciously aware of. You might want to consider seeing a therapist to identify the stress or "inner conflicts" that may be causing your symptoms.

Once you have identified the causes, you have two options. You can try to reduce or eliminate the "stressors". Examples might be, changing jobs or careers, ending a relationship, reducing your work schedule, getting some extra help in doing your work, etc. Another option is to find ways to deal with the stress more effectively. That could included getting more sleep, eating healthier, exercise, meditation and resolving some of your inner conflicts through psychotherapy. In most cases, a combination of environmental as well as personal change is a good strategy.

If you would like to write me back and tell me what you think the cause of your stress might be, I will be happy to explore these options further.

Warning!!!! Saturday is the last day for turning in your old $20.00 and $50.00 bills, The Government is taking out of circulation all old bills due to the increasing drug traffic. The old bills going through customs can not be detected. This contributes to large amounts of money being brought out of the country to purchase drugs. Remember to go to a bank and exchange your old bills today.

In the early sixteenth century, France observed New Year's Day on March 25 with celebrations that lasted until April 1. Then, around 1564, King Charles IX adapted the more accurate Gregorian calendar and moved the beginning of the year to January 1. Many Frenchmen, who either didn't know about the change or, being traditionalists, refused to honor it, continued to hold parties and exchange gifts on April 1. Jokers made fun of these people by sending them frivolous gifts and invitations to non-existent parties. Playing these practical jokes was so much fun that, after the calendar change was accepted by all Frenchmen, people made April Fools Day a tradition in its own right.

I'm sorry I didn't get your email earlier or I would have posted it yesterday. I guess that there are a lot of people now stuck with those worthless 50 and 20 dollar bills. Well you can all send them to me. I was planning on wallpapering my office and that might be a nice design. I just hope that we don't have the same problem next April 1, when they plan to recall all those stupid quarters.

Where do you get the time to write this web page every day, work full time and have a life? You must spend so much time at your computer, I can't imagine you have much time for anything else. While I don't want to invade your privacy, could you show all of us your work area? I know it would be inspiring for me and perhaps others. Thanks happy.

I am 25 Year old woman with a very dysfunctional family have 5 siblings. I am second to the Youngest. My older sister is very angry with me about some money that I owe her. I now that I Owe her the money. I want to pay her. But I am continually screwing her over and I don't know why. I have owed other people in my family money, But I have paid it back right away. I Know she has done a lot for me. I thank her. I am not sure why I am doing this to her.

Recently she had thoughts of suicide and checked her self into the Hospital for help. I have had very hard relationship with her throughout my life. We get along sometimes and them she just freaks out on me and then she is nice to me again. She was diagnosed with Post traumatic stress disorder. I cant understand my actions. Towards her. I do love her but sometime I think I would be happier with out her in my life. But she is my sister and I have accept her. I just want to know why I try to make are relationship bad. If you could give me some advice that would be great. thank you.

Dysfunctional families begin with dysfunctional individuals. Both you and your sister seem to carry a lot of anger with you that gets in the way of your relationship. Before you can develop a healthy relationship between the two of you, you both need to get healthy as individuals. Your sister is getting the help she needs for PTSD. You need to seek help as well to better understand why you sabotage your relationship with her. I would strongly suggest you see a therapist to deal with your own personal issues of having been raised in such a dysfunctional family.

There is no better way to sabotage any relationship than by borrowing money. I would pay your sister back and try not to borrow money from her or anyone. Perhaps your finances is one of the issues that creates problems in your life. This is another issue you need to confront if you want healthy relationships. Get the help you need younger sister so that all of you can grow older and happier.

I was just wantin to drop ya'll a line. Don't know if you remember, but a while back I told you I was enterin a Poetry contest. Welp, I reckon I got some pretty darn good news today. Seems as those them fellas that do all that poetry pickin, decided for some dad gum reason that what I had writ, was okie dokie. I gots me a letter in the mail today tellin me my Poetry was gonna be published, and by golly, they is gonna put it in the semi finals. Wow we, hot doggities, now aint that a hoot? So it just goes to show ya'll that it don't matter who or what yar, within enuff schoolin you can ecomplish anyting.

I always knew you had it in you! BRAVO! I would suggest that if you want your poetry career to flourish, you might spend less time hanging out with Edna and her Family. The last poem you sent me about that guy from Nantucket was not one of your better efforts. Please let me know when and where your poem will be published so I can post the info.

Postings from April 1-15, 2000